Chapter 57: Intoxicating
That night Tonks removed the pillow that she had placed between her and Remus at night.
Remus bit his lip and cautiously climbed under the covers next to her.
"Dora?"
"hmm?"
"Do you think it would be alright if I…" Remus gently slid his arm under her and pulled her close against his chest, her back to his front.
Tonks let out an involuntary sigh as her body relaxed in his arms. "Yeah, that's okay."
Remus cuddled closer against her and nuzzled his nose into her neck, deeply breathing in her comforting scent.
Tonks giggled and squirmed slightly in his arms, Remus's breath tickling her. "Are you sniffing me?" she laughed.
"Not exactly," Remus replied, feeling suddenly warm.
"Remember when we were at Grimmauld," Tonks began, "and you teased me about unsolicited sniffing of strangers."
"Yes," Remus said, "but that was when we barely knew each other. You're my wife now. Wasn't it stated somewhere in our vows that as your husband I'm allowed to smell you anytime I want?"
"How the tables have turned," Tonks joked. "You're a weirdo."
Remus chuckled lightly in her ear. "Maybe," Remus said, "but I'm your weirdo and you do smell lovely."
"What do I smell like?" Tonks asked curiously.
"I suppose it depends," Remus said thoughfully. "When you used to come from Auror missions, you would smell like trees or the rain. You often smell like coffee and in the winter you're always cold, so you smell warm like the smoke from the hearth. But underneath it all," he breathed in, "you always have a sweet scent that reminds me of honey."
Tonks turned in his arms so that she was facing him. "I didn't know you paid so much attention to what I smell like."
Remus gave her a little shrug. "I just noticed and especially around the full moon my senses are very sharp. I sometimes could tell when you walked into an Order meeting before I even saw you."
"And that had nothing to do with me constantly knocking things over and waking the portrait of Sirius's mum?" Tonks pointed out.
"Could be," Remus said, grinning. He brushed his fingers through her hair. "You have just always been intoxicating to me, whether it be your scent, the way you look, the things you say. I was a goner from the moment we met."
Even in the dark, Remus could tell his wife was blushing; though, she had a smug smile on her face. "Intoxicating," Tonks repeated. "I like the sound of that."
"It's true."
"You're quite intoxicating yourself," Tonks told Remus.
Remus rolled his eyes, but then gave her a playful smirk. Remus did not get that look very often, but when he did, Tonks privately referred to it as his marauder's grin and she found it irresistible.
Before Tonks even decided to, she was kissing him, a full tongue tangling snog. She wove her legs with his, and her hand wandered greedily up and down his body.
Remus, who was always taken aback when his wife behaved like this, was even more so. They had not been intimate since the night Mad-eye died, since they had conceived their child. He had not expected this for a long time, if ever again. "Are you sure?" he asked between kisses.
Tonks's hand had slipped into Remus's pants. "Shut it," she said breathily as she moved to kiss him again. Her mouth slid from his lips down to his neck, not venturing lower, knowing that Remus had an aversion to it.
"I just thought…"
"I'm still angry with you for leaving," Tonks clarified casually, her palm rubbing between his legs.
"Then, why…?" Remus was having trouble thinking straight.
"Me being cross has nothing to do with me wanting sex," Tonks said, impatiently.
"Oh," Remus breath.
Tonks planted a forceful kiss on his lips. "Less talking," she told him.
"Will it hurt the baby?" Remus questioned.
Tonks paused and surveyed her husband with her head tilted. "I don't think so," she said, surprised that he would be thinking of their child at a time like this. "I mean, pregnant women have sex. But maybe I should be on top."
Remus nodded. "Okay."
Tonks smirked as she swung her leg over him, her hand still in his pants. "You like it this way, don't you?" She could feel Remus growing hard in her grasp. "Yeah," she whispered. "I think you do."
The next several days proved to be very difficult on Tonks. She was not accustomed to being cooped up in the house. She took to pacing, moving from window to window, looking for what no one knew. She reminded Remus greatly of Sirius at Grimmauld place or James when he went into hiding.
At night when they were alone, she seemed to take out her unexerted energy on Remus, which he had to admit he quite liked.
"Dora," Remus hissed one night, reemerging from the blankets.
Tonks slapped her hand over her mouth as Remus ducked under the covers again.
Remus liked how her little body writhed pleasurably at his touch. When they had first become intimate, Remus had felt embarrassed about how much direction he had needed when it came to the female anatomy. However, he was a quick study and he relished what he could do to her now.
Tonks's back arched and Remus felt her body tighten beneath him. Then she let out an audible moan of release.
"Dora," Remus whispered, crawling out from the covers. "Shh."
Tonks threw a pillow over her face, muffling the sound of her laughter.
Remus peeked under the pillow, with his eyes playfully narrowed. "You are going to get us in trouble," he said.
Tonks let out a melodramatic groan. "I'm a grown woman," she said, "and suddenly I have to worry about not being caught by my parents again. This is absolute rubbish."
Remus pulled her into his arms. "Yes, well, I'm approaching forty and suddenly I feel like I'm a teenager."
"It's kind of naughty isn't it?" Tonks teased.
"A bit," Remus said, stamping a kiss on her cheek.
"Though it's not much of a turn on when you're constantly telling me to quiet down so my parents don't hear."
"I wouldn't have to say it so much if you would actually quiet down," Remus returned flippantly.
"It's hard," Tonks said, looking up at him. "You don't know what it feels like to be with you."
Remus grinned to himself.
The days were long as Remus eagerly awaited their time together at night. Not only were they long but they were bleak. During the day, they seemed to be bombarded with reminders that the world was falling apart. Where at night, Remus and Tonks were in their own beautiful little world.
Ted was asked to leave his job at the apothecary when he refused to show proof of blood statue. Kingsley sent Remus and Tonks biweekly insider updates from the Ministry. Remus thought this was more for his wife's benefit than anything, to make her feel included and as a peace offering to make up for the lack of reception that was meet with their pregnancy announcement. Although, all the news Kingsley offered was morbid and every note casted a dark cloud over them both.
Besides Kingsley, they did not hear from many people. Although Ginny had made them a congratulations card in which Tonks placed on the mantle and Molly had sent several owls to Tonks since the last meeting. At first, Tonks had refused to respond, but eventually Remus was able to convince her to scribble back a short reply. After that, Molly took it upon herself to knit a pair of bright pink baby booties.
"They are so small," was all Tonks had said. Then there after, she wrote back to Molly without coercion.
Though Remus remained more patient with the confinement than his wife, as the full moon approached, he grew more and more restless. Remus found it increasingly difficult to be around his in-laws. Andromeda's clear disapproval of him was putting Remus on edge. He felt ashamed of his wife's parents seeing the physical changes happening to his body. He looked pale and sickly. Remus was dreading the day right before the full moon even more than usual. He did not want Tonks's parents to witness the compete wretch he became, just adding to the worries they had for their daughter.
Two days before the full moon, Remus closed himself into the room he was sharing with Tonks.
"Hey," Tonks said, peeking around the door.
Remus was laying on top of the covers on the bed, staring gloomily up at the ceiling. He turned his haunted eyes towards his wife.
"You should probably eat something," Tonks said, entering the room. "Mum saved you a plate."
"That was kind of her," Remus said flatly, "but I'm not hungry."
Tonks closed the door and came to lay down beside him.
Remus turned to his side to face her.
Tonks placed her hand on his forehead as if checking for a fever, clinging to some sense of normalcy, even though she new perfectly well why Remus was behaving this way. "How do you feel?" she asked lamely, removing her hand from him.
"Fine," Remus sighed. "Tired and bit weak, I suppose. But that's all typical."
Tonks bit down on her lower lip as she surveyed her husband. "What else are you feeling?" she asked hesitantly.
"What do you mean?"
"Er, about everything," Tonks said unhelpfully, but Remus understood.
His wife was worried that with the approaching full moon his feelings would shift about staying with her and the baby. "I feel the same," he assured her.
She nodded, more to assure herself. "Where will you go tomorrow night?"
"The same cave in the mountains as last month."
"Okay," she said gravely.
Remus looked over Tonks closely. She too appeared to be under the weather. Dark circles had formed under her eyes and her movements were slower, more measured.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"I'm perfectly okay," she answered quickly.
"It's just- well- do you feel anything? With the baby?"
"No," Tonks told him firmly. "Well nothing bad. I feel good."
"Alright," Remus said slowly. "Do you think it will happen again? Like last time?"
Tonks smiled slightly at the remembrance of that wonderful feeling she experienced under the last full moon. "I don't know. I hope so."
Remus nodded.
"Let's go to bed," she suggested.
"It's still so early," Remus said. Though the thought of sleep was enticing.
"You're exhausted," Tonks said. "I'll stay with you."
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Remus protested.
"I want to," Tonks told him. "I can't be with you during the full moon. So, let me be with you now and tomorrow. We're married, aren't we. That means you don't have to go through things by yourself."
"Thank you," Remus breathed.
"You're welcome," she said. "I already told Mum and Dad to be quiet tomorrow."
"You shouldn't have done that," Remus said, suddenly mortified. "This is their house. I don't want to put them out more than I already am."
"They understand," she said, "and you are not putting them out. It's safer to have us all together."
Remus grimaced as he put out the lights with his wand.
Tonks curled up beside him. She took his hand and moved it under her shirt, pressing his palm against her abdomen.
Remus breathed in sharply.
Tonks was hoping some of the positive energy she felt from the baby would seep into her husband.
"We love you, you know," Tonks said.
In the dark, Tonks could not see the pained expression that crossed over Remus's face. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want the full moon to come. He didn't want to become a werewolf. He didn't want to leave his wife even for just a night.
"I love you too," Remus choked out. He did not know if he was just referring to his wife.
The next day, as it always was, Remus became debilitated by his condition. Yet, having Tonks's warm body beside him was a comfort. It was a wonder that an individual with so much energy and life could remain so still and quiet is she really wanted to be. With her at his side, Remus was actually able to sleep through the worst of it. As night became nearer, the intensity of his senses eased into the sharpness of a wolf.
Remus woke before the alarm he had set for himself. Tonks was still curled beside him. Her breathing was deep and slow as she slept.
Remus drank in her honeyed scent, yet there was a metallic note that lingered in the air and Remus could taste it warm on his tongue. The slowly waking wolf's mouth began to water.
Remus shuttered and pulled the blanket from the bed.
Tonks was startled awake. Her wide eyes were sunken, her skin was ashen. "Remus?"
Remus started down her body in horror.
Tonks followed his gaze.
The sheets beneath her were soaked with blood.
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