Mapledawn woke in the night to a terrible pain, like claws grasping and releasing in horrible waves along the middle of her body. Was it this painful last time? Her claws uncurled in the nest as she writhed, fighting off panic. I don't think it was ever this bad. Something's wrong! She let out a small whimper, hoping someone would hear and get help. She couldn't manage to form words through the waves of agony. The pain was hot and deep and rose in untenable spikes, making her dizzy, and she was powerless to her body's convulsions.
"Mapledawn, I'm here." Waiting Falcon's scent, so much like FireClan forest, like home, wreathed around her. She smelled Mist Shadow, too, and River of Starlight. Some cat trickled water into her mouth while another massaged her belly carefully with their paws. Mist Shadow paused in her work to dribble chervil root juices between her jaws.
"Hurts," she gasped, fixing wide eyes on Waiting Falcon.
"You're doing alright," he said softly.
"Get ready to push," Mist Shadow hissed. "You're a big cat, Mapledawn, but you are far too young to be kitting. This won't be easy. Listen to my voice. Concentrate. When I tell you to push, I need you to push with all your might."
Mapledawn managed to nod. She waited, drifting up and down with the pain. But Mist Shadow never gave the order. The pain was lessening, just enough for her to speak.
"What's wrong?" she whispered. "Why aren't they coming?"
Mist Shadow palpated her stomach, face screwed up in concentration. "Yes--I see the problem. It's okay, Mapledawn. Deep, soothing breaths. Waiting Falcon, keep licking her, help her relax. It's going to be alright, but one of the kits is facing the wrong way. I need to dislodge it."
"Don't hurt it," Mapledawn rasped. "Don't hurt my kit."
Mist Shadow didn't answer. Her paws were working at Mapledawn's belly, pushing gently up and down, right and left, like a kitten kneading for milk. All the while Mapledawn's mind was racing: I can't lose them. I can't lose them. When Mist Shadow finally paused in her work, Mapledawn yowled in anguish from the fresh wave of pain coursing through her.
"Okay, it's time. Push!"
Mapledawn strained, stars dancing behind her eyes. It seemed like hours before the first kit came. She was panting, and she realized with a hazy little jolt that she'd accidentally raked out tufts of Waiting Falcon's fur. The tom was curled around her side, still licking her gently.
"Where's my kit?"
Mist Shadow nipped the kit's birth sac and nudged it closer. Its fur was a soft, dark brown. Larchkit… My brave Larchkit. She licked him fiercely and nudged him toward her belly--but he wasn't moving.
"Larchkit?" she croaked. "What's wrong with him?"
"River of Starlight, take the kit. Try to get him breathing." Mist Shadow's eyes were dark. "The next one's coming, Mapledawn. Get ready."
This one was easier than the first. A shiver of fear ripped through her as the second kit, who was a fluffy, creamy brown, came out. She pulled her closer before Mist Shadow could touch her. Petalkit, my little leader. Finally, the kit mewed plaintively and nosed feebly for Mapledawn's belly.
By the time the third kit came, Mapledawn was exhausted. It was a fluffy, ginger-and-white tom, and his cry was the loudest of all. She was purring too loud for words as he began to suckle at her belly next to his sister.
"Larchkit?"
"I'm sorry, Mapledawn," said Mist Shadow. "He didn't make it."
No… Mapledawn trembled and curled tighter around her kits. River of Starlight placed the unmoving Larchkit next to his littermates with a grief-stricken gaze. No. He isn't dead. He just looked like he was sleeping. Maybe he was tired, like her. She began licking his fur the wrong way, trying to rouse him, to warm him. He's so cold. Why is he cold? Petalkit let out a weak little meow as she tried to find the milk.
"Here, little one." She nudged her closer, but the little brown she-cat couldn't hold on. She'll be fine. They'll be fine! I just have to keep them warm. She fluffed out her fur and wrapped her tail around Larchkit, Petalkit, and Patchkit. You'll be just fine. You just need to eat, that's all. I'm here, I've got you.
Waiting Falcon was staring sadly at Mapledawn when she awoke. Patchkit was still suckling at her belly, but the other two were still and silent…
"It's time, Mapledawn."
"No. I won't let you take my kits!" They couldn't be dead. They can't be dead. I can't lose them!
"Think of the little ginger-and-white one."
"Patchkit."
"Patchkit needs all of your love and attention right now. He needs you calm. And he shouldn't have to see his littermates like this."
Mapledawn let out an anguished wail. She felt like her whole world was collapsing, like any minute now Gray Wing's stars would burn down and consume her. But the night continued its quiet murmuring; the leaf-fall air was still and quiet, and somewhere far away, an owl called. She wanted to make a fortress of thorns around her kits, to claw the eyes off anyone that tried to take them. But Waiting Falcon was right. No matter how fiercely she licked their pelts, Larchkit and Petalkit wouldn't wake up.
"At least," she mewed through the lump twisting and gnawing in her throat, "they'll have a proper burial this time."
A warm paw brushed her pelt; it was Cinders, and her eyes were wide with sorrow. Not pity, but genuine grief, as if she knew exactly what Mapledawn was feeling.
"Let me watch Patchkit while you say goodbye," she mewed softly.
Mapledawn buried her face in Patchkit's fur. "I'll be back, little one," she said. "Thank you, Cinders." The little ginger-and-white kit mewled sadly as she scooped up the two bundles of lifeless fur and followed Mist Shadow and Waiting Falcon. The two cats walked by her side, supporting her.
Mapledawn tried not to give voice to the howling pain in her chest--the rage at StarClan's injustice. This isn't StarClan's fault. Mist Shadow was right… I am too young. I'm hardly old enough to be a warrior. Larchkit and Petalkit hung from her jaws like dead prey, drooping and inert.
"Where should we lay them to rest?" asked Waiting Falcon gently.
"The Clearpool. Even if StarClan can't see them from here, maybe they can find their way there."
"StarClan?" Waiting Falcon frowned. "I thought you hated them."
"They're cats like us. Some of them are awful. But some of them are kin. I'd like for my kits to be in the paws of my ancestors… Not Mapleshade's ancestors, but mine." She gazed up at Silverpelt. "If I can trust any cat, alive or dead, with my precious kits, it's my sister, Bloomspirit." She wished she could see her now, her pelt rippling starlight. "I know Auntie Goosefur would like to meet them. And Redpoppy's mother, Softfeather. Webclaw can tell them stories about the good old days. Foxjump and Nettlescratch can teach them all the Clan ways they missed out on."
It was a long walk to the Clearpool, and Mapledawn was exhausted. She practically collapsed at the entrance, but Waiting Falcon nudged her gently to her paws, and they kept on. As they reached the dark, gently murmuring pool, Mapledawn smelled something: cat-scent and starlight. Bloomspirit? Her heart leapt for a moment; but the scent was masculine and old.
Unshaken Leaf? I thought you'd moved on.
I can do you this one last favor, Maple. His pale, wide eyes shone from the back of the cavern. I can take your kits to their ancestors in StarClan, where they will be loved and cherished. Bloomspirit is waiting for them.
Mapledawn bowed her head and set Larchkit and Petalkit on the pebbly shore. Mist Shadow and Waiting Falcon didn't react to the ghostly cat--but Mapledawn thought it was better that way, that only she could hear him. She pressed her muzzle into each of their soft pelts, trying to commit their scents to memory. I can't give you a proper vigil, she thought sadly, I have to get back to Patchkit. Follow Unshaken Leaf, little ones. I will see you again one day.
The three cats worked together to make a hole deep enough that no predators would try and unearth her kits' tiny bodies. Waiting Falcon tried to tell her to rest, to let him do it for her, but Mapledawn wouldn't hear it. She was panting when she scooped the last pawful of fine, dark earth over the grave.
"May you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep," Mapledawn murmured. The three cats bowed their heads for just a moment and starlight caught Clearpool's waters from a claw-thick opening in the roof above.
Take care of them, Bloomspirit. I know I'll see you three together one day.
Mapledawn trudged blearily through the forest with her two friends supporting her the entire way. She didn't even have the strength to thank Cinders for watching her kit as she curled around him in the nest. She purred, trying to comfort herself as much as Patchkit. The ginger-and-white kit nuzzled under her foreleg, resting his head beneath her chin, as the moon rose higher in the sky.
It was almost sunhigh when Mapledawn woke the next day. Patchkit was kneading impatiently at her belly, crying for milk. Mapledawn licked the top of his head tenderly.
"Prey and herbs." Mist Shadow dropped a thrush at her paws. She could smell the herbs tucked in its belly. "Borage to help your milk come, thyme for grief, sorrel for strength."
Mapledawn forced herself to gulp down the prey. She didn't feel like eating. She didn't feel like doing anything but sleeping next to Patchkit. I'm doing this for you, she thought, looking down at Patchkit. No matter how terrible I feel, I have to stay strong for you.
