Rosalie was waiting for Bella in her room.

Before Bella even entered the house, she knew that Rosalie was there. She just knew, and she wasn't sure if she should run into her arms or tuck her tail between her legs. So she lingered outside for a while, offering to help Charlie and Jacob unload some things, postponing the inevitable. Of course, Jacob was aware of why she was doing this. Ever since the night before, she had been distant. Vacant, even. She spent the trip home telling Charlie that she was just tired, but Jacob knew.

Jacob knew but he had no idea what to say to her. The entire incident had shaken him up as well, but Bella was so out of sorts that he had to be the one to put on a normal face for Charlie. She was worn out, he told him. She had gotten into a bit of a fight with an old friend, he had explained. Not exactly a lie, but definitely not the truth either.

Every day it grew harder and harder to separate the supernatural from the mundane, to maintain the lie. Jacob felt this despite the fact that most of the people close to him knew his secret, so he was sure that Bella was feeling it twice as hard. He was starting to doubt the facade that Cullens tried so hard to maintain. Perhaps it would be better for everyone if they disappeared from society, went into hiding.

It certainly would've been better for him. Better for Bella.

He realized he was growing unnecessarily bitter and stopped himself, instead focusing on Bella, who was weakly carrying a box of random trinkets inside the house.

"You really don't need to help anymore, Bells. We got this," said Charlie, flexing comically.

"Are you sure?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. You've been talking about how exhausted you are all day. Go rest."

Bella lingered in the foyer for a while, watching Charlie and Jacob lift a dresser out of the back of the truck. Jacob looked over his shoulder at her. He saw her tense up suddenly, her eyes going wide, and she finally hung her head and walked upstairs. Rosalie had finally called her, he assumed.

Rosalie was standing by the window with her back to Bella. Bella closed her bedroom door slowly, and when the latch finally clicked shut, Rose turned to look at her. The expression on her face was not the one of anger that Bella had been anticipating, but one of frustration, fear, and sadness. One moment, Rosalie was standing across the room, and the next, she was on the other side, her arms wrapped around Bella so tightly that it almost hurt. She inhaled deeply, taking in her mate's scent.

Bella was stunned. This was not what she had expected to return to.

Rosalie soon let go of her and stepped back, holding Bella by the shoulders and looking her over.

"Thank god you're okay," she said quietly, almost to herself. "Why the hell didn't you tell me what you were doing?"

"I-I thought that… that you would… would have…"

But Bella didn't know what she thought Rosalie would have done. She only knew that she had expected to be in trouble upon returning home, but she now realized that her worries were unfounded. Ridiculous, even.

"I might be worried about you—constantly, even—but that doesn't mean I don't trust you. And you were with Jacob! As much as he gets on my nerves, I trust him too, and I especially trust him not to let you put yourself in unnecessary danger. I'm not going to stop you from going to a party with some of your old friends, especially if this was the last time you were going to get to do that. I just wanted to know what you were doing in case something happened. Which... it did." Rosalie balled her hands into fists and then opened them, throwing them out in front of her in a pleading gesture. "You trust me, right? I'm not here to be your mom and tell you what you can or can't do. I just… I want to keep you safe. Bella, I need to keep you safe. You know how I feel, and I can't help that."

"I know. I know. I just…" Bella chewed on her lip. "Old habits are hard to break. I guess I'm just too used to everyone judging my choices."

"I'm not going to judge you. But I am going to worry about you. You can't stop me from doing that."

Rosalie smiled just a little, and Bella laughed, but it was a tired laugh. She walked past Rose and sat down on the bed, shoulders slumped.

"Jacob was texting me on the way back," she said. "He told me everything."

Bella looked down at her hands, at the scar on her wrist.

"Nick and I… We were never best friends, but we were close. I even met his mom. She was really nice, probably one of the nicest parents I ever met—at least, back then. Nick was always a mess, but she loved him, took care of him. More than Renee ever took care of me." She rubbed her eyes. "She died right before we graduated from high school. Lung cancer. Severe. She couldn't pay for proper treatment. He was devastated. It doesn't surprise me that he got wrapped up in Lucrezia's shit. He didn't have much left to live for as a human. But… he died because of me. There's no sugarcoating it. The only reason that he's dead is me."

Rosalie wrapped one arm around Bella, but said nothing.

"This is getting dangerous. I mean, it always was, but this is getting really dangerous. People aren't just getting hurt, they're getting killed because of me. Who's next? Jacob? Charlie? You?" Bella squeezed Rosalie's hand. "I keep thinking about Jasper, about everything he went through. You're immortal, but you're not invincible. And I… I almost don't want dad to learn about this anymore. It would just put him in more danger. I'd rather we just fake my death and fuck off to the middle of nowhere. It'd be easier on him. Safer for him."

"We'll keep him safe, Bella. And I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

Bella leaned against her shoulder. "If you're allowed to worry about me, I'm allowed to worry about you."

"Fair enough."

Bella loosely held Rosalie's hand, threading their fingers together as she leaned on her. She sighed.

"I'm afraid," she said softly. "And tired. I want this to be over. I don't want anyone else to be in danger, to get hurt. To get killed."

"I swear, I won't let that happen. We won't let that happen."

Rosalie raised her hand, pinky outstretched, offering a promise.

Bella weakly accepted it.

-X-

Despite everything, they had to go back to school on Monday. Bella wasn't ready, but she couldn't just skip classes on the first day back after spring break.

April and its showers had come to the PNW, adding even more rain to the steady drizzle that plagued the Olympic Peninsula. Monday was one of these extra wet days. When Bella stepped outside her house that morning, she slipped down the porch steps and narrowly missed landing in a massive puddle. The Swans' front yard had become a swamp of some sorts overnight.

Alice darted out of the Volvo's passenger seat, umbrella overhead. She swiftly grabbed Bella by the elbow and helped her navigate the growing pools of rainwater, shoving her into the backseat of the car once they had crossed the treacherous territory.

"Jesus shit, I hope all my books didn't get soaked through," she said once she was safely inside.

"You didn't think to bring an umbrella out with you?" Edward asked, spinning the steering wheel to lead them out onto the road.

"I didn't think I would get drowned trying to walk 10 feet to the car."

Edward reached down and turned up the volume on the stereo, a moody indie folk song drifting out of the speakers that perfectly accompanied the sound of the rain pitter-pattering on the windshield.

No one was lingering in the PC parking lots this morning. Instead, dozens of wet students had gathered in the lobbies and halls, wet shoes squeaking and tracking mud all over the white tile floors. It was a fairly normal sight, but something about navigating through the tight crowd was setting off unreasonable alarm bells in Bella's mind. She kept looking over her shoulder, as if she was going to suddenly spot something or someone hiding among her classmates. Bella parted ways with Edward, Alice, and Jasper, and she felt unbearably alone while she walked upstairs to calculus to meet up with Rosalie and Emmett.

Bella spent her day like that, nervously scanning her surroundings every chance she got. She didn't talk much when she was with company, and she rushed everyone to leave as quickly as possible at the end of the day.

Throughout the week, this paranoia grew in scale. Normally punctual with assignment deadlines, she forgot to complete several and had to ask for extensions. She drifted off in classes and was reprimanded for doing so. She didn't finish readings and couldn't answer questions when prompted.

In her mind, danger was lurking around every corner. By the end of the week, she refused to even go to the bathroom by herself. If someone like Nick could be turned into one of Lucrezia's instruments, then it could happen to anyone. She told herself that the Cullens would notice if something like that happened, but she was so worried that she couldn't even put her trust in them completely. There had to be ways to work around them, she thought.

On Thursday, as she was leaving Spanish, Jessica tried to strike up casual conversation with her about the book they were reading, but Bella tugged on Jasper's sleeve and made him rush off with her without so much as offering an explanation, leaving Jessica alone and confused. Jasper acquiesced without protest but made them stop once they had gone a good distance.

"Bella, please tell me what's wrong. You've been actin' weird all week. I can tell you're nervous. Hell, you're practically terrified," he said, grabbing her with both hands.

Bella's eyes darted back and forth before they finally slowed down and met his.

"I'm scared, Jasper. I'm really scared."

He frowned. "Nothing's going to happen to you here. It's way too public."

"I know, but I'm scared. After Nick, I… I don't know. I feel like she could be anywhere. I can't sleep at night even when I need to. I wanna stay with you guys at night so I'll feel safe but I can't leave dad alone. I don't even want to come to class anymore because there's no one watching him."

"Esme's been checkin' on him, Bella, and the pack too. He's safe. You can always come stay with us if you need to, okay?"

Jasper leaned closer to her and Bella saw that focused expression on his face that meant he was using his gift, and she felt herself relax, if only slightly. She normally appreciated the gesture, but now she felt like her senses were being dulled when she needed them most, and she shook out of his grip.

"Let's go."

Bella spent the night at the Cullen house, telling Charlie that she was having a study session with Jasper for their upcoming Spanish exam. She felt safe enough to sleep for the first time in days, but only for a few hours.

The next day, Bella was walking to her American lit class with Jasper and Leah and feeling somewhat relaxed. It wasn't Jasper's doing this time; she had actually started to calm down after staying at the Cullens'. The events of the previous weekend were almost gone from her mind.

Until Bella felt someone lay a hand on her shoulder, and all that fear came rushing back in an instinct. Jasper felt the shift in the air, but Bella reacted before he could do anything. She grabbed the hand on her shoulder and, with great force, yanked the person forwards by the wrist and threw them against the wall.

Angela's back slammed against the brick and she fell to the ground, eyes wide open in shock. Bella watched this happen in slow motion, seeing the fear in Angela's eyes as she was thrown. In her peripheral vision, she saw Leah gasp and begin moving towards her imprint.

Only Jasper seemed like he wasn't stuck moving through molasses. He was looking back and forth between Bella and Angela at a completely normal place, and Bella began to understand that she had reacted at a superhuman speed. The world around her wasn't moving slowly—Bella was moving faster.

She felt the familiar, almost sedative effects of Jasper's gift wash over her much stronger than the day before. Bella relaxed, and the world came back to normal speed as she almost fell, but Jasper swept an arm under her back before she could topple over. She couldn't hear what Leah was saying, but she sounded frantic, asking Angela a rapid fire stream of questions.

Bella put a hand on her forehead and closed her eyes, an unpleasant vertigo setting in from the combination of her sudden acceleration and deceleration combined with Jasper's calming effect. When she was able to open her eyes, she saw Leah staring up at her, a fury in her eyes like nothing Bella had ever seen before. Nothing but the wolf was looking at her in that moment.

Jasper quickly apologized for Bella and hurried her away. They would have to miss American lit today.

He took Bella home, to the Cullen house. Carlisle was called on their way back, and he was waiting for them in the foyer when they arrived. Bella was quickly ushered upstairs to his office. The rest of the siblings were on their way home, having been instructed not to suddenly ditch their classes (that would be a little too suspicious, even for them).

Carlisle checked Bella over while she stood still, allowing herself to be handled like a rag doll without any resistance. She was dissociating, staring off into space, the world around her in a muted haze. All she could see was the fear in Angela's eyes and the anger in Leah's.

When he was done looking her over (he had most been examining her scars and the area surrounding them), Carlisle stood in front of her, gently patting her cheek and looking straight into her vacant eyes.

"Bella? Bella? Are you alright?"

She slowly drifted back into herself and exhaled loudly; at some point, she had taken a deep breath and had been holding it for god knows how long.

"I'm…"

She stood still with her mouth open, searching for an answer to the simple question that he had asked. No such answer came. She felt so detached that she couldn't interpret her own emotions at the moment.

"She's not," said Jasper, who had been leaning against the wall next to the door. "And I'm worried because it seems like she's havin' more and more of these… power surges. No offense, Bella, but someone could get seriously hurt."

"I know. That's what worries me too," she said, rubbing her arms. "The last thing I want is for anyone to get hurt because of me, but if someone gets hurt by me… I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Carlisle frowned. "Yes, that is concerning. This progression is truly worrisome. At this rate, you may start to manifest some of the more… unfortunate aspects of vampirism much faster than I anticipated."

He didn't have to elaborate. They all knew what he meant.

Carlisle held his hands behind his back and walked behind his desk, looking out the large bay window.

"Rosalie has relayed your fears to me, and I would like to echo that we will not let any harm befall your loved ones. Esme has been checking on Charlie during the day. I spoke with Sam, and he has been sending a few patrols around your house from time to time. No one has found any evidence that anyone has been stalking him. It's clear that Lucrezia will stop at nothing to get back at you, at us, so we have our guard up. I assure you, Bella, you do not need to worry yourself over this so much." He paused and turned around to face her, a knowing sadness in his expression. "But I know that simply saying that is not always enough to alleviate such serious anxiety. I understand that what you are feeling is somewhat irrational, and it pains me to say that I cannot do much to help you other than to say that I am always here if you would like to talk to someone, and I'm sure Jasper would say the same."

Jasper nodded. "Any of us would. You don't have to keep all this fear pent up inside you, Bella. Talkin' about it will help, if only a little."

"You're right, I know that. I just… I don't know how to do that sometimes. And I hate to burden other people with my problems."

"It's not a burden, Bella," said Carlisle. "It's something we're all dealing with. You aren't dealing with this threat on your own, and you shouldn't try to." He looked past her, his ears perking up. "The others are home. I'm sure Rosalie will want to talk to you."

"I'm sure she will," said Bella, turning to leave. She stopped in the doorway and looked over her shoulder. "Thanks, Carlisle. I know you'll disagree, but I really don't feel like I'm worth all this effort."

He smiled and shook his head.

"You're family, Bella. And we take care of our own."

Bella made it down to the second floor just as Rosalie was coming up the stairs. When she saw her mate, she rushed forward, throwing her arms around Bella in the same way that she had when she had returned from Phoenix the weekend prior.

"You're okay," she breathed.

Bella was confused by this, as nothing had happened to her; she was the one who had hurt someone else.

"I'm not okay. I feel awful," Bella said quietly, aware that the rest of the Cullens were coming upstairs as well.

"But you're safe."

"I was never in danger, contrary to what my anxiety would have me believe. Jesus, I threw Angela into a fucking brick wall! I could have seriously hurt her!"

Rosalie stepped back, holding Bella at arms' length,

"But you didn't."

"I easily could have! That's not the point. I just… I can't deal with the fact that now I'm one of the things that could wind up hurting the people I care about."

Jasper, who had followed Bella downstairs, said, "Believe me, we know what that can be like."

Bella let his words sink in for a moment and remembered that she was, in fact, standing in a house full of bloodthirsty vampires. It was something that was always on her mind, but she often forgot the implications, the consequences. She had become so deeply embedded in the supernatural that it had become normal; aspects of the mundane lives her human friends led were becoming stranger and stranger to her.

"Unfortunately, it comes with the territory," said Edward. "You already know this. It's just… happening a bit faster than we thought, in a different way."

"I know you're scared, Bella, but you have to start learnin' how to control yourself. It's something that we've all had to do," said Jasper.

"You're right," she said. "I get it. I can't just let myself freak out over everything, because that's dangerous. I'm dangerous."

"And you'll only get more dangerous. That's the hard truth. No sugar coatin'." Jasper crossed his arms over his chest. "And it won't be easy. Self control is a lot of work."

Bella nodded. Being a vampire looked glamorous on the outside, but she was aware that it was no walk in the park.

"Well, this is all rather… somber," said Edward, scratching the back of his neck. "But I think Rosalie has something she wanted to mention…"

"Thanks for that tactful segue, Edward," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "But, yes, I do. I don't know if you've been keeping track, but this coming Monday is our seven-month anniversary."

If she was being honest, Bella had not been keeping track, if only because the amount of time that had passed since she had moved to Forks seemed to stretch out and compress itself whenever she thought about it too hard. Some days it felt like she had been here for years, and other days it felt like her plan had landed last week. Her sometimes terrifyingly strong connection to Rosalie warped her sense of time even further.

Seven months. It had been seven months since they had gotten together, and about eight since Bella had arrived in Forks. Over half a year.

"Woah, I almost need to sit down," said Bella, running her fingers through her hair. "That's both shockingly short and long."

"Like the blink of an eye for me, usually. But you've… slowed things down a bit, so to speak."

Bella would have blushed if it was still possible. "Really? Because I feel like we're flying at high speeds."

Both of them smiled, their expressions awkward yet endearing. Edward and Jasper grew uncomfortable with the energy in the room and headed up to their respective rooms.

"Anything in particular you'd like to do to celebrate?" Rosalie asked.

It felt like a loaded question, one that Bella thought there might be a correct answer to. Instead, she deflected it with a question of her own.

"What about you? I feel like you do everything for me. We should swap for a bit."

Rosalie smiled and kissed her forehead.

"You give me all I'll ever need just by being here with me."

Once again, Bella felt a rush of emotion that would have resulted in a flushing of the cheeks in someone who was more alive than her.

"Y-yeah but like… Oh, I don't know. There's got to be something you want to do."

"We're going in circles, babe." Rosalie pushed a stand of hair behind Bella's ear. "How about this—we take a night to brainstorm?"

"Sounds perfect. I can sleep on it. Or, at least, I can try to sleep on it." Bella stepped away from Rosalie and sighed, letting her shoulders drop. "I should go home. I know everyone is keeping an eye on dad, but I just feel like I should be at home with him. I can't keep running from nothing just because I'm afraid of everything."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Bella shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. I know that someone will be out on patrol." She took a few deep breaths. "I gotta learn to calm down somehow. And if I get too freaked out, I promise I'll send you a text."

"That's good enough for me."

Rosalie drove Bella home. They didn't talk much, Bella instead looking out the window into the passing forest. Her first instinct was to imagine the danger lurking within the trees, patiently waiting for a chance to strike, but she fought down that idea and replaced the nightmarish images in her mind with visions of the people who were working so hard to protect her and Charlie. Visions of Jacob, Seth, and Leah running patrols. Of Esme watching over Charlie during the day, of one of the other Cullens keeping a lookout at night.

These woods were certainly home to a plethora of monsters, but Bella reminded herself that plenty of those monsters were on her side.

And she was slowly becoming one of them, a monster capable of defending herself and standing up against those who would dare to threaten her family. Despite all the horrors she had been through and all of her mixed feelings about her slow creeping transformation, Bella found comfort in the fact that her turning brought with it strength and power.

Strength and power that she could use to protect everyone she loved.

-X-

Rosalie was going to pace a hole through the floor. Everyone in the house could hear her rapid footsteps looping back and forth, but they were particularly driving Edward insane, because he was lying on the couch in the living room directly beneath her bedroom, listening to the thump thump thump of her feet creating a perfect figure eight over his head. Rosalie's thoughts were moving just as fast as her feet, if not faster, racing to create some kind of grand plan for her and Bella's seven month anniversary. Edward knew she wouldn't come ask him for help, so if he wanted her to stop (or at least, to relax a little), he would have to go to her.

He sighed and closed the book he was reading to trudge upstairs and knock on her door, which she threw open as soon as his knuckles made contact with the wood.

"What?" she asked, her tone so sharp it could cut diamond.

Edward winced at the sound of her voice.

"You need some help?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"What do you think?"

"Stupid question. I know what you think."

Rosalie's eyes rolled back as her shoulders dropped sharply, a disgusted sigh escaping from her lips. She turned her back to him and began pacing again, threatening to wear through the carpet.

"I really didn't want to ask you for help," she said, looking at her fast-moving feet.

"Why not?" he asked, slipping into her room and sitting down on the edge of her bed.

She shot him a quick glare.

"Stupid question. You know what I think."

Edward couldn't help but laugh.

"Got me there. Listen, I know that my… close relationship with Bella can intimidate you sometimes."

"I am not intimidated!"

He raised his hands defensively.

"Okay, well, you're… worried? Call it whatever you want."

Rosalie stopped abruptly but continued to stare at the floor.

"Jealous, perhaps," she said very quietly.

"Jealous. Perhaps," Edward repeated. "Understandable. We hit it off really well, and you kinda fucked things up for a long time. Bella and I are much more amicable, but that's just the nature of a close friendship. Romantic relationships are different."

"They don't have to be."

It was Edward's turn to roll his eyes. "Then work on that. It might hurt to hear this out loud, but you're not her best friend. That's not to say that I don't think you can't be, but you're really not doing a great job."

Rosalie opened her mouth to fire back at him, but she closed it after a second, then put her hand over her mouth in a thoughtful manner.

"Yes, I know, I have good points sometimes," said Edward, smirking and leaning back on the bed.

"It causes me physical pain to admit that you are right," she said, walking over to recline in the armchair by her window. "I've been trying to fix our romantic relationship, but I haven't invested a lot of time in our… friendship. Which is just as important."

"You have a real one-track mind, Rose. I don't mean that as an insult—or a compliment, really—but you tend to focus really hard on one aspect of something and almost ignore everything else. It can be good sometimes because you focus really well on details and stuff. Like with cars. You're fucking stellar with cars, man. Everything you touch runs like a dream, and it's because you zone in so close on the little things." Edward sat up, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. "Look at it this way: you can rebuild an entire engine, but the car's not going anywhere without wheels."

Rosalie smirked. "Didn't know you could be such a wordsmith."

"Eh, I'm better at writing lyrics."

-X-

Bella texted Rosalie around noon the next day. She had actually slept, and rather soundly at that. Her nerves hadn't been entirely dealt with, but she had been able to reason herself out of her panic spiral. This wasn't the first time she had experienced this kind of anxious meltdown, but it was definitely the most dramatic. In the past it was over little things like lost keys and tests not studied for. Now, it was life and death, and that magnified everything times a hundred.

But she pulled through. She always found a way. And now, she was texting her girlfriend about plans for their upcoming anniversary.

In truth, Bella had never been one for grand romantic gestures. Her previous relationship with Chase was so casual it was almost hard to call it dating at times. They just hung out constantly because they had nothing better to do. It evolved naturally.

Unlike Bella and Rosalie's relationship, which had evolved so unnaturally—supernaturally, she thought and laughed to herself—despite the fact that they were bound to each other by destiny. That soulmate binding had tied them up tight and added a mythical quality to their relationship. They weren't just dating, they were meant for each other, and it had made things that much harder for them to navigate.

How are you supposed to be soulmates with someone when you keep butting heads? If you're meant for each other, why do you keep arguing and falling apart?

All of these thoughts ran laps in Bella's mind as she tapped out several different drafts of a text to Rosalie while she lay under the covers in bed. In the end, the simplest version was the best: "so you come up with any grand ideas for monday?"

Bella made sure that she was the first to ask, because she had nothing. She shamefully had no idea what kind of celebration Rosalie would want, so she was once again shoving the responsibility off on her.

Sex once again crept onto her speeding train of thought. They had been together for seven whole months, and they had barely reached second base. The most Rosalie had seen of Bella was when she had gotten her shoulder ripped open and spent 24 hours lying on a hospital bed. Wasn't it time they took things further?

Bella allowed herself to entertain the thought while she waited for Rosalie's response. She thought about the few times that they had been close… been intimate. She closed her eyes and sighed, thinking about Rosalie's slim waist, her smooth, pale skin that felt almost like porcelain, or marble. Her cool touch, her long, slender fingers…

Bella's phone buzzed with an incoming message and startled her so badly that she threw it across the room.

"Shit, shit, shit!" she whispered, hopping out of bed to retrieve it.

Luckily, no cracks or damage of any kind. She swiped it open and read Rosalie's reply: "i was thinking that it would be nice if we just spent some time together. we could cook dinner together and watch a movie. nothing too big or too fancy."

Bella was relieved; she hadn't really wanted to get dressed up or go somewhere nice for the occasion. Spending her anniversary by having a night in was just fine by her standards. She just hoped that Rosalie wasn't compromising her own desires.

Her desires, which may have been running alongside some of Bella's own thoughts. She bit her lip and looked down at her phone. Was that where this was going? Some kind of Netflix and chill scenario? Bella knew that Rosalie would never coerce her into doing something that she didn't want, but it wasn't like she didn't want this to happen—she was just oh terribly nervous, as she was about most things in life.

Rosalie was, in Bella's eyes, near perfect. She was leagues above the kind of person Bella had expected to end up with. There were still days when she wondered how she lucked out with Rosalie. Only fate could pull off such a ridiculous coupling. Immaculate Rosalie deserved the entire world, and Bella had no idea how to give it to her. Especially not in bed.

She got so caught up in her worries that she almost forgot to reply. She wrote up a quick message agreeing with Rose's plans and fired it off, then collapsed back onto her bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling and wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into.

She decided to call Jacob.

-X-

Jacob often felt like he was working a full-time job. Specifically, like he was working overtime at a full-time job that wasn't paying him jack shit.

Sam liked to say that "evil doesn't take days off", and Jacob thought that it was an extremely cartoonish line that made the pack seem like Saturday morning cartoon superheroes. The Justice League this was not; this was a ragtag group of teenage boys and young men running laps around a reservation. A group of people who had been deprived of anything resembling a normal adolescence because they were duty bound to protect their people from a force that remained hidden from the rest of the world.

Billy had once explained to Jacob that they were not alone, that there were other wolves out there all over the world. Wolves had been around since the dawn of mankind, and they passed their shifter gene to people across the globe. Anyone could be a sleeping wolf, and this was supposed to keep the vampires on their toes.

Jacob had to wonder how many other tiny communities there were out there, where a pack was keeping watch over their own people, protecting them from the ever-present danger of vampires.

He thought about how well those packs were doing in the grand scheme of things. A drop in the pond, they were. There were always going to be more vampires than wolves, simply because a vampire can make more vampires at the drop of a hat, but a wolf has to go through the risky business of genetics to continue their line.

Somedays Jacob wondered what they were even doing. Waking up before dawn to run patrols, trying to complete as much schoolwork as possible, to get a proper education in a place where it was already hard enough to do that without turning into a giant wolf, then to come home and try to act like a person at the end of the day, to enjoy life and the company of others.

Jacob had never been one to make plans for the future. He had always assumed he would stay on the rez and take care of his dad. He had wanted to get a job at the auto down the street from Ateara's, to put time into his one passion and get a little money from it. He had never had lofty dreams or ambitions. A simple guy with simple pleasures.

But now, Jacob found it hard to see any kind of clear path forward. There was only the here and now, because he could get his ass killed any day if he made one mistake. Everything in his life was about the pack, about the supernatural world. Even Edward, his imprint, wasn't an escape from that. No matter what, Jacob was bound to this aspect of his life. There would be no "normal" ever again.

After the incident in Phoenix, this was bothering him more than usual. He was thinking about towns and cities left unguarded, about how vampires were the ultimate predators, and about how much they terrified him. He was supposed to be the first line of defense against them, but he found himself more and more afraid of what they were capable of. And he was dating one of them, and he loved that vampire, and everything about that felt incredibly wrong even if he liked it so much.

Opposites attract, they say, but this was surely a twisted case.

Jacob had run Saturday morning patrols and was taking a lunch break at Ateara's, staring down the street at Fisher's Tire & Auto. Ethan Fisher had owned and run the place since before Jacob was born, and he had always idolized the man for no reason other than that he was a good, honest mechanic. He never tried to overcharge anybody and often gave steep discounts to people that needed it. Some folks on the rez desperately needed their vehicles to get by, and Ethan always did what he could to make things affordable while keeping himself afloat. He often had customers coming back long after they had work done to give him donations when they were better off.

"Give to people, and they will give back," he had told a very young Jacob when Billy had taken what was now Bella's truck into the shop for repairs. Jacob had restored the truck's engine before they passed it on to her, but it was thanks to Ethan that the vehicle hadn't completely croaked before then.

Now, sitting on the porch at Ateara's, looking down the street at Ethan's modset auto shop, Jacob had decided he wanted to get a job there. Why should his supernatural responsibility stop him from doing that? Sam, Jared, and Paul had jobs. He should be able to have one too.

After this Lucrezia thing ends, he thought. After that…

The sound of gravel under tires led his eyes from Fisher's to the parking lot before him where that rusty red Chevrolet was pulling into the space right in front of him. Jacob reached to his left and opened a pizza box sitting on the table beside him, revealing a few leftover slices of pizza from his lunch.

"Bon appetit," he said, winking at her.

Bella exited her truck and walked up the somewhat crooked steps to where Jacob was seated. She plucked a slice from his leftovers and took took a huge bite out of the lukewarm pizza.

"I have no idea why you keep coming to me for girlfriend advice, but I won't protest," said Jacob.

"It's not that I think you're some paragon of dating advice—no offense, and you know you aren't—but I just need someone to talk to who's just disconnected enough from the situation, y'know?"

Jacob twiddled his thumbs. "Am I that disconnected these days?"

Bella rolled her eyes and took another bite, then spoke with her mouth full. "You're not directly related to Rosalie, so I think that's disconnected enough."

"Sure, sure. So what's the deal now?"

"So… Monday is our seven month anniversary."

"A big one."

"I guess, yeah. And we already made plans. We're just gonna hang out at home—presumably hers—and make dinner and watch a movie."

"Sounds lovely."

"Yeah."

Jacob looked at Bella. "So what's the catch?"

Bella looked around, making sure that no one else was in earshot.

"I just… I think that…" She grew more embarrassed as she tried to speak, realizing that she had driven all the way out here for the sole purpose of talking to him about this. "I don;t know… Does that seem like… she wants to…"

She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. Jacob sighed.

"To fuck you?"

"You don't have to be so blunt!"

"You clearly can't!"

"That's beyond the point!"

Jacob rocked back and forth in his chair a few times, staring at the wooden boards beneath his feet. Bella watched him, dying to know what he was going to say.

"Do you think she wants to?" he asked.

Bella didn't know how to answer. She thought about it for a long time, a few minutes at least, and she couldn't come up with a solid thought.

"I… don't know."

"Then she probably doesn't. Unless you're totally oblivious and can't tell when someone you're dating is actively trying to get in your pants."

Bella trusted Jacob but she was starting to think that she had gone to the wrong person for advice. Edward would have for sure been able to give her a precise answer, but she was so embarrassed by the query itself that she couldn't bring herself to ask him directly. Jacob was always there for her when she needed to talk, so he was the next best option, but her anxiety was doing the rounds again. Sure, Jacob definitely believed what he was telling her, but could she believe what he believed? She had no idea. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was wrong.

"I can tell that you've already made up your mind about this," Jacob said, startling her. "You do that sometimes, where you decide something and won't believe what anyone else tells you. And that's fine, but I really don't think this is something you should be getting worked up over. I mean, do you not want to… to go all the way with her?"

"N-no! I'd be totally fine with it!"

He frowned. "That doesn't sound 'totally fine'."

"I'm just worked up! And you're right, I think I've already made up my mind about all this, but sometimes I at least gotta try to talk to someone, y'know? To at least hear some confirmation or dissent. It helps…. I guess."

"I get that, I do. It's just that this is probably easier to figure out than you think. I know you know that you can be pretty irrational about things, and this is me telling you that you're being irrational." He crossed his arms. "Nothing bad is going to happen. If neither of you want to do anything, you won't. I don't think Rosalie would allow herself to make you uncomfortable."

Bella nodded, rocking in her chair. "You're right. I think it's just that… I always feel so… inferior to her. And there's not anything she does to make me feel that way, it's not her fault at all. If anything, she does so much to try to get me to feel the opposite, but I…" Bella laid her hands on her legs, palms facing up. "Look at me, Jake. I'm a sorry excuse for a person. I know we've been over this a thousand times, but I feel like I'm always fucking up, and there's no way in hell that I deserve to be with her. I know it can't be true, but sometimes I can't help but think that she's only sticking with me because it's physically painful for us to be separated. Like I'm a literal ball and chain."

"You just said it yourself: you know that's not true."

Bella leaned over and put her head in her hands, threading her fingers through her hair and digging her nails into her scalp. Jacob almost leaned over to put a hand on her back, but he decided against it.

"It's all so fucked up! How am I supposed to know what to think about anything anymore? Every time I think it all makes sense, I start to question everything. I… Did you hear about what happened? With Angela?"

Jacob inhaled through clenched teeth. "Yeah, I did."

"I'm such a piece of shit, Jake. I don't even know how to control myself. I feel like a walking time bomb. One small thing falls out of place and I'll explode. And I have to walk around and act like everything is normal. We have to walk around and act like everything is normal. Shit, man, I thought I had gotten over this, but…"

"It's not something you can just 'get over'. We have to learn to live with it. Sometimes that means thinking things are better and realizing that they're not." Jacob checked the time on his phone and stood up. "Ugh, I gotta go soon. Let me just say this: I don't think you need to worry about Rosalie. I don't think it's possible for her to think poorly of you. You probably can't see it yourself, but she looks at you like you're… like you're Jesus Christ himself or something. She would follow you anywhere you went no matter what. If you don't wanna have sex with her yet, she's not gonna get mad."

"Again, that's not…" Bella bit her lip.

"What? You're afraid you're going to disappoint her? Again, I don't even think that's possible. She practically worships the ground you walk on. Listen, I understand why you worry so much, I do, but this is one of those things where it's obvious even to me that your worries are totally unfounded. Nothing is going to go wrong."

Bella closed her eyes. Jacob was right. Jacob was always right. She knew he was. She knew she was being ridiculous. It was just so hard for her to fight that feeling that everything could fall apart at any second.

"Okay, Jake. Alright. I can't make any promises, but I can say that I won't forget what you said."

"Good." He pointed at the pizza box on the table. "The rest of that is yours. I gotta run."

"More patrols?"

"Pack meeting, actually. Discussing plans, strategies. Deciding what routes to run and all that. And seeing if some of us are actually going to get to graduate this year. I've missed so much school that it's not even funny." He stretched out his arms, pulling them back behind his torso, fingers interlocked. "This is not how I saw my senior year going. At this point, I don't even know if I'm gonna try to go to PC anymore."

"I thought you wanted to get your Auto Tech certification?"

Jacob looked down the street at Fisher's. There was a pickup truck pulling into the garage. Ethan was writing something down on a clipboard while another mechanic got the truck on a lift.

"I… I do. I just don't know if that's realistic anymore." Bella wanted to press him further, but Jacob shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking away. "Peace out, Bells. I'll see you around."

"Right. See ya. Stay safe!"

He raised an arm and gave her a thumbs up as he bounced down the front porch steps and walked around the corner of the building, disappearing into the pines. Bella sighed loudly and sunk into the rocking chair, plucking the last slice of pizza out of the box and weakly taking a bite of it.

The sky overhead began to clear ever so slightly, allowing a patch of blue sky to cut through the clouds, beams of sunlight streaming down on the reservation. Bella hoped that the clouds would pass over quickly and cover up the sun; the sudden burst of bright light was threatening to give her a headache.


hello! i have returned from my writing break! i had to stop trying to work on this fic for a while because i just wasn't enjoying it that much. i had hoped quarantine would've given me more time and inspiration, but i ended up feeling a bit beaten down. working on this fic was making me upset and i had to put it aside for a while. i honestly thought it would have been a longer hiatus, but i recently caught some motivation! i really, really do want to finish this fic even if it takes me a bit of time to do that. so don't worry! you will get to see the end!

i was going to combine this chapter with the next one i have laid out, but this felt like a good stopping point. hopefully i can keep finding time to work on these last few chapters! if i stick to my outline, there are 7 chapters left, including the epilogue. if you're still reading this fic, thank you so much for sticking around! this fic has been a passion project for me since i started it back in 2017, and reader feedback is a huge part of why i've made it this far. thank you for reading!