I sat on the couch, humiliated still from my breakdown four days earlier. Baby, I cooed in thought to my bump while rubbing it slowly. I'm sorry. I apologized to my bump again for potentially putting him or her in danger. I tried to hurt him. I tried to hurt my baby. Did any of it happen? Was it all in my head? I rubbed her forehead in frustration as the sunlight from the window hit my skin. Not only am I insane, but I'm also a homewrecker. I thought, recalling my attempt at a kiss with Carlisle. "Oh", I groaned, sucking in a breath quickly through the ache in my chest. Carlisle, I thought his name, needing to feel his touch or simply talk to him. Since the almost kiss, he's made himself remarkably sparse; only checking up on me once a day and working at all times otherwise. Esme, she remembered her name with a whimper. How could she not be here, after everything? Could she not see how much this whole situation was aging him? Could she see how lucky she was?
Do you know how lucky you are? To have the handsome doctor dote on you while so many died, the voice said teasingly.
Stop it. I thought sternly. Why? You know it's true,it whispered to me. All you got was a baby while everyone around you paid the ultimate price.
Jake, I asked for him, but again no answer. He's hiding, the voice giggled. I opened my mouth to ask but was cut off. You know from who. No one wants to be dragged down with you know who."Will you shut up", I huffed tiredly. I was so goddamn tired of this, I thought as angry tears started filling my eyes.
"Bella," Charlie asked questioningly, having flit into the room upon hearing me speak to no one. Fucking damn it. Since the Carlisle incident, it was decided that he work additional shifts at the hospital while Charlie and Rosalie rotated watch on me. I felt like a child. As much as I loved my father and Rose, they weren't who I wanted here.
"I'm okay dad, just talking to the bean." Charlie frowned briefly before giving me a small smile and turning around to do whatever he was doing previously. He still was not thrilled with me wanting to keep my baby, but I could not terminate him. For a variety of reasons, including that according to Carlisle it was a near physical impossibility of me having an abortion without dying myself.
Carlisle, the pain came back with a force. Ugh, I grimaced through clenched teeth and clutched my chest tightly. I just wanted Carlisle, but at least right now, I would settle for being left alone. "Dad, I'm going to take a bath", I called out to him before making my way upstairs.
I looked at my bump, submerged under the water. You think you could compete with Esme, the voice laughed at me. Look at your body. Why would he want you?
I sighed, overwhelmed with my own increasingly hostile thoughts. "Will you just leave me alone", I whimpered softly, ducking my head beneath the water for a much-needed break. I smiled, relishing the feeling of warm liquid on my face and around my body; almost like I was in a different world. Breathe, my body told me, and I refused, staying below until I could no longer physically keep from doing so. I gasped, breathing in quickly with my eyes closed and water running down my face. Hot, I thought, rubbing the washcloth in my face to clear my eyes before opening them.
The morning sun had disappeared and was replaced with the same darkness that filled the home days earlier. No, no, no, I recited to myself. This is not happening. This is not real. I wanted to scream but resisted. The Cullens knew I was struggling, if it was really in my head I did not want to end up under additional unnecessary scrutiny.
I shrunk, trying to disappear and hide behind the shower curtain but knowing what impossible. Croak! I heard what sounded like a woman trying to speak from behind the curtain although it came out as a gurgle. "In the ashes of fire he lives." an unfamiliar female voice uttered in my head, in harmony with the gurgling. "He will come to you. Do not allow him to come in. Resist for all our sakes". She pleaded, pulling back the curtain to reveal her rotting form. I yelped, jumping out the clawfoot tub on the opposite side, hitting the ground painfully as I crawled backwards to the window in a piss-poor attempt to escape. "Do not let him in," her voice warned as she gurgled, still standing in the same place, but facing her body towards me.
No, no, no, I panicked in my mind while frantically trying to open the bathroom window. I cried as when the window opened a few inches, it would quickly close. No, I breathed, nearly hyperventilating. I looked out the window, desperate to get the attention of anyone to see nothing but blackness. No stars, no moon, no ground, just empty darkness. I screamed, hitting the glass harshly, making cracks that immediately dissolved, leaving the window whole as it was before.
Splosh, I heard the water move as if someone had gotten in. I turned around slowly, having realized I had not heard the woman's voice for the duration of my escape attempt. I gasped upon seeing her form. It was as if she had moonlight shining on her to allow me to see. She was alive again and completely nude; with beautiful lustrous brown hair, large green eyes, an hourglass figure, with nice facial features. We looked remarkably similar, although she did appear to be a few years older than my eighteen and shorter. She stood in the bath, looking at me intensely, mouthing the words, "he will come to you," even though it was not audible, at least physically. She raised her arms and looked to the sky, wailing as she erupted into flames in the tub. I screamed and averted my eyes, covering them with my hands and curling up into a ball until her screams ceased.
I was shaking, frightened by the sight I just saw and the cold as I was wet and nude. I opened my eyes hesitantly to find the sun shining brightly and birds chirping. I got up slowly, still shaking from fear as I walked to the tub to abruptly pull back the curtain. It was empty. I released the breath I was holding and bent over, placing my hands on my knees as I cried hysterically while trying to be quiet.
I sobbed hard and only quit when I was no longer physically capable of producing tears. When I was composed enough, I grabbed my towel and made my way to Alice's empty room, passing Carlisle in the hallway as he fidgeted through paperwork. He avoided looking at me as he often tried to now, but when he did manage to sneak a peek at me, he stopped.
"Bella, he gasped my name while looking me over quickly, seemingly searching for an injury or cause to my disheveled appearance. I did not respond but kept walking, clutching my towel while ignoring the severe pain in my chest. I opened the door and turned back to look at him. He looked pained and worried, so much so that I almost went to comfort him. He does not want you as you want him, the voice proclaimed quietly. I lowered my head from his gaze as teardrops fell, "Bella", he whispered again just before I closed the door.
