Title: Visiting
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Ethan/Rox and Ed/Leanne; mentions to Ethan/Leanne friendship and past Ethan/Leanne romance
Summary: Ethan has plans to wallow, Leanne thinks otherwise.
Author's Note: I'm a bit rusty with this story as my muse has taken a few weeks off, so here's hoping this doesn't totally suck and I can get back on track soon!
Ethan hated fighting with Rox.
He hated the not speaking and the not sharing a bed and the not working together.
He couldn't stand knowing that he was the reason there was a rift between them.
It's not like he meant to shut her out and ignore her completely.
It's not like he meant to hurt her the way that he had.
But his head had been in a tragic place lately and he was struggling with keeping himself together.
Everything that had happened between him and Leanne was tearing him apart.
And everything that had happened with Ariel had broken him.
He couldn't think straight and his heart hurt and he just wanted some peace from all the chaos in his head.
He knew it wasn't fair to take it out Rox, she hadn't done anything wrong.
In fact, she had been beyond supportive and loving the past few weeks, and yet, he had pushed her away.
He had expected her to come back home after a few hours, their fight having been early enough in the morning that he suspected she just needed some time to cool off.
But instead she hadn't returned by lunch time.
And then she didn't come home for dinner or for bed.
And when he woke up the next morning he was sleeping alone.
He had tried calling her and texting her, but she didn't respond.
So instead he had drowned his sorrows in a case of beer and spent the day watching old movies on the couch alone.
He hadn't bothered showering or getting dressed, the point seeming to escape him when he realized just how fucked up everything had become.
And this dad had come over and they had gotten in a screaming match and everything had fallen apart from there.
When he woke up the following morning he noticed the date on the calendar and he let out a sob.
It had officially been four years since Robbie had taken his own life.
Four years since Ethan had found his body hanging from the ceiling in his living room.
Four years since he had rushed to try and save his life, giving his brother his own breaths in an attempt to bring him back to him.
He had been unable to save him though.
And even Leanne and Rollie's attempts to save the young man's life had been unsuccessful.
He had been too long without oxygen to his brain.
He would never wake up.
He would never breath on his own again.
Instead, he would spend the rest of his life with a machine breathing for him, his body suffering unimaginable pain from the trauma he had put it through.
Leanne had held his hand as tight as humanly possible when he whispered for Rollie to let him go.
He knew it's what Robbie wanted.
He wouldn't have hung himself otherwise.
He wanted to die and Ethan knew that he had no right to take that from him now.
And so he had softly said his goodbyes and told his brother how much he loved him and that he would see him again someday.
And then the only sound in the room had been the flatlining of the machine.
And then silence.
He had stayed by Robbie's side for a few minutes before pushing himself past Leanne and out the room and away from all the chaos.
And he hadn't looked back since.
—
The only time Ethan dealt with it was on this day.
Every year he would cry like a baby and mourn his brother the proper way.
But only on today.
And never while alone.
So instead of staying in bed like he wanted he had pushed himself up and dragged himself into the shower.
And then he had gotten dressed and made his way out the door without a second thought.
He had driven to Leanne's on auto-pilot, pulling his Jeep in next to Ed's truck.
He let out a sigh, praying that the man was on his way out the door so that he could be alone with Leanne for a bit.
She was the only one who could get him through this.
The only one who understood his pain and his loss.
He had just shut off the engine when the other man made his way out the front door, shutting and locking it slowly behind him.
Part of him was envious that Ed was now living the life he had worked so hard to build with Leanne.
A life she had never seemed to want with him.
The other part of him was thankful for the man though, his presence bringing a sense of calm to Leanne and Ariel's life that he knew they needed.
He watched as Ed made his way down the steps, his eyes locking with the other man's as he stopped at the end of the sidewalk and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Ethan." He nodded his head in his direction and Ethan pulled the keys from ignition and sighed.
"Ed." He didn't like that there was so much tension between them.
They had been friends once upon a time,
"Everything okay?" Ed didn't seemed concerned about his presence though and he was thankful for that.
"It's the eleventh." He whispered.
"Right." Ed nodded his head simply before walking toward the Jeep.
He reached out and patted Ethan's arm softly and offered him a smile.
"Is it okay if I go in?" He didn't want to intrude in their private lives, it wasn't his place to just walk in anymore.
"She's been expecting you." He replied back, offering him a look. "She was up at 5:00am thinking you'd come barreling through the door."
Ethan let out a chuckle, he had most certainly done that in the past and he wasn't surprised that Leanne expected it from him now.
"I was a little too hungover for a 5:00am wake-up call." He had had way too much to drink yesterday and last night and he wasn't afraid to admit it.
"It's not good to drink that much alone." Ed said with a laugh. "Be safe today Ethan."
He nodded his head at the other man's words.
"I will." He knew that everyone knew that he had a history of losing it on this day.
He had done better last year than the year before because he had Ariel to keep him busy.
But she was too big for him now, too grown, and she didn't need to hang around her dad anymore just for fun.
"I'll bring home Chinese." Ethan chuckled, he loved how Ed made it sound like they were some happy little family. "Ariel will be happy to see you."
He had pointed at Ethan as he said that, stepping away from the Jeep and heading to his truck.
And then he was turning the vehicle on and backing out of the driveway.
Ethan let out a soft sigh as he exited the vehicle and headed up the walkway toward the house.
He paused at the bottom of the stairs and contemplated whether he should turn around and go back home.
But then the front door was opening and Leanne was leaning against the doorframe and he couldn't make himself turn around.
He knew that he needed her today, more than ever, and he would be damned if he was going to deny himself her support right now.
—
They had eaten breakfast together quietly, the only sounds in the small kitchen coming from their forks scraping against their plates.
Leanne had cleared the dishes after they were done and she had offered Ethan another cup of coffee before curling herself up on the couch and waiting.
He knew that she was waiting for him to speak up, to tell her what was going through his mind.
Every year it was the same thing.
And yet, every year it was different.
This year they wouldn't be falling into bed together after they let out all their sorrows.
He wouldn't wake up to the feeling of her hands on his bare skin, her lips soft against his neck.
He wouldn't drag her into the shower and do all the dirty things he could fathom with her.
There wouldn't be any snuggling or kissing or making love.
Instead, this year, all he could do was stare at her from the other end of the couch.
And it made his heart hurt to know that he had once had something so special with her.
And yet, here they were.
"Where's Rox today?" Leanne's question startled him and he shook his head before replying back to her.
"Don't know." He whispered, his eyes closing when he saw the shocked look on her face.
"I figured you'd be with her." She said softly. "You know, considering everything."
"We had a fight on Tuesday." He leaned back against the cushions and he felt Leanne kick his hip gently.
"Another one?" She was frustrated with him, just like he was frustrated with himself.
"Yeah." He let out a sigh as he cracked an eye open in her direction.
"About what?" He was hesitant to tell her the answer, he knew she would lay into him.
"I was having a bad day." He heard Leanne let out a groan. "I took it out on her."
"Of course you did." She whispered.
He rolled his eyes at her response as he poked at her foot with his finger.
"I've had a lot going on you know?" He knew that she knew what was going on.
She was going through it all too.
Their daughter being attacked had been the straw that broke the camel's back so to say.
"No reason to take it out on Rox." She wriggled her toe against his side and he flinched at the movement. "She loves you."
"I know she does." He whispered. He knew that she loved him, but he didn't know why after everything that he had put her through. "Don't know why though."
"I'm not gonna participate in your pity party Ethan James." She kicked his side once more before withdrawing her feet and pushing herself up off the couch.
"But today's my day to have one." If there was ever a day where he was allowed to wallow this was it.
That had always been their arrangement when they were together.
He didn't understand why it was different now.
"Come on." She squeezed his shoulder as she moved around the couch. "Let's go."
"Where are we going?" He eyed her softly, his brain reeling at the possibilities.
She wasn't normally the spontaneous type so this was a complete shock.
"To see Robbie." She whispered, her eyes twinkling in the early morning light.
He took a deep breath as he stared back at her.
He hadn't been to see Robbie's grave since the first year after his death.
And he had gone alone and sat in the rain and cried.
When he had gotten back into town that night Leanne had been waiting for him and they had spent the night tangled together beneath the sheets, their tears mixing together as they made love countless times.
He hadn't been able to take himself back to that place after that day.
"I…" She had to have known that he hadn't gone there since then.
She had to know that he was afraid of that place.
"Let's get Ariel from school and just go." He was shocked at her words.
She never let Ariel skip school, ever.
"Leanne…" He wondered what had gotten into her, even when they were together they didn't do things like this.
"Look Ethan, we've been through so much the past few months." She said with a sigh. "I just… let's just go. The three of us. For old time's sake."
He smiled at her when she said that and he felt his heart flutter when she smiled back.
He knew where she was coming from and he couldn't help but get excited at the prospect of spending the day with the two of them, even if it was at Robbie's grave.
"Okay." He pushed himself up and off the couch and made his way toward her, throwing his arm over her shoulder with a chuckle. "Ariel's gonna be in shock."
She offered him a chuckle back as they headed for the car and he knew that they were slowly on their way to mending their broken friendship.
—
They had driven to Ariel's school in a comfortable silence and Leanne had gone inside to retrieve the girl while he waited in the car.
He had texted Rox once more while he waited and he prayed that she would text back soon.
I'm sorry for everything Roxane. Things have been real crazy lately and I just don't know what to make of things. I'm exhausted and I'm so overwhelmed and worn out and its starting to effect me in more ways than one. I never should have taken any of this out on you and I'm sorry that I did. I still need a little time to get myself together, to clear my head, but I'm trying. I still love you and I will always love you and I promise we'll make things right. Stay safe at work and don't hesitate to call or text if you need me. I love you with all my heart.
He hit send just as the two women emerged from the building and he couldn't help but chuckle at the smile that broke out over Ariel's face when she saw him in the car.
He guessed that Leanne hadn't told her that he was waiting for them outside.
"Dad!" She ran over to him, throwing her arms around his neck as he stepped out of the vehicle.
"Hi baby." He whispered against her cheek. "How are you?"
"Better now that I get to spend the day with you and mom." She beamed back at him as she pulled herself from his arms. "Where are we going anyway?"
Leanne eyed him softly and he let out a soft sigh.
"We're gonna go visit your Uncle Robbie." He felt his heart skip a beat at getting to share this moment with his little girl.
"Okay." She barely even batted an eyelash as she moved to the back seat and climbed inside.
He smiled as he watched Leanne move around to the passenger's side and he returned to the driver's side as well.
They were on the road in a matter of minutes, the music playing softly in the background as he headed toward the cemetery just outside of town.
—
When they pulled up outside the cemetery an hour later his heart was heavy and he was doing his best not to cry.
He couldn't believe it had been three years since he had set foot inside these gates.
Three years since he had gone to see where his brother's body had been laid to rest.
Sure he thought about his brother constantly, and every now and then he even saw him, but he hadn't been here to see that flag and stone in a while.
He wondered why Robbie had never brought up his lack of visits when they had 'talked' in the past.
Maybe his brother understood how hard it was for him to be here.
Exiting the car slowly he waited until Leanne and Ariel were by his side before he started walking toward the stone arch in front of them.
Robbie's grave was exactly six plots behind the arch, under an old oak tree that was missing a few limbs.
He had an excellent view of the valley from his spot, only one more row of plots behind his before the fence that closed off the cemetery from the small river behind it.
He had wondered why Robbie had chosen this place at first, but then he had looked really close at the beauty of the space and he had understood his brother's logic.
It was peaceful and serene and quiet.
Just like Robbie liked.
"Nice to see nothing's changed." He heard Leanne whisper from beside him as they stopped in front of the raised tombstone.
"They've cut back the tree." He didn't know why he felt he needed to point that out.
But the last time he had been here the branches had been hanging so low in some spots that you could climb right up on them from the ground.
"Should we have brought flowers or something?" Ariel's question made his heart hurt.
He didn't know proper graveside etiquette.
He had only ever visited his mom's grave a few times as a teenager, before he joined the Army and moved away, and he had always taken her flowers.
But this was his brother and his brother didn't like flowers.
"I think Robbie would have laughed at that concept." He felt his lips curl upward at Leanne's statement.
She was probably right, Robbie would've hated it.
"Not a flower guy?" The teen shifted her eyes toward him with a small smile.
"Not really." He whispered, blinking back tears. "He didn't mind putting them on mom's, but putting them on his would have been a bit much."
Robbie would tease him for sure if they had brought anything floral to his grave.
"We should've brought him a six pack of beer." Leanne whispered, linking her arm through his, her head falling to his shoulder as she let out a soft sigh.
"He wouldn't have appreciated us wasting a six pack." He said with a soft chuckle as he blinked.
He wanted to keep his tears at bay.
He didn't want to fall apart in front of them.
"You could have drunk them first." Ariel said softly, offering him a gentle smile.
"Now that he would have appreciated." He whispered, pulling gently from Leanne's grasp so that he could kneel down in front of the headstone.
He reached out then, running his fingers over the engraved stone.
Robert Joseph Willis
B: September 28, 1977
D: July 11, 2015
Beloved brother, son and friend.
He felt his heart skip a beat as he ran his fingers over the words 'beloved brother'.
His dad had been angry when he had had them put brother first.
But then he had reminded the man how he hadn't had anything nice to say to the kid in almost two decades and he had backed off.
"We have the same birthday." Ariel whispered, her eyes filling with tears as Ethan turned to look at her.
"Yeah." He whispered back, pushing himself to stand before the girl.
"Why have you never said anything?" She looked so hurt and it made his heart ache.
He had never wanted her to think that she was hurting him by sharing such a special day with his baby brother.
"It wasn't an issue." He whispered, reaching out to pull her into his arms. "You are you and Robbie was Robbie. The fact that you share a birthday was a coincidence, nothing more."
She nodded her head against his shoulder as she wrapped him up tight, her tears soaking through his t-shirt as she clung to him.
He shouldn't have been so surprised that she was hurt by the similarity she had with the man, she had a soft soul like that.
"I wish I could have met him." She whispered as she pulled away.
"Same here Angel." He pressed a kiss against her forehead as he turned back around, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they stood and stared down at the concrete marker.
"He would have loved you." Leanne said softly, linking her arm back through his, her head falling to his shoulder once again. "You two were a lot alike."
Ariel sniffled as she snuggled against his side, her arms wrapping around his waist tightly.
"How did he die?" She whispered her question and Ethan felt his heart stop in his chest.
He had never even tried to explain to the girl what happened to his baby brother.
It had been too hard to explain to others, to people who didn't know Robbie, to people who didn't love him.
He had never thought that Ariel was old enough to know what had happened.
Her maturity level when she had come to him and Leanne was not exactly high.
And over the years he hadn't felt right about bringing it up to the girl.
She knew who Robbie was and that he was dead, but that had been the extent of their conversations about him.
"He killed himself." He whispered.
He felt Leanne tense up next to him and he wondered if maybe he should have cleared this conversation with her first.
"Oh." She said softly, squeezing his waist tightly "I'm so sorry daddy."
He sniffled at her words as he turned his head to press a kiss against her head.
"Robbie, he…" He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, opening them back up and locking them on the words etched in stone. "He went through a lot in Afghanistan. When he came home he was a little, lost. He couldn't get out from under it and it consumed him."
She nodded her head against his shoulder as she sniffled a little and he felt his heart break for her.
"I'm sure you miss him." She had never been more right about anything in her life.
"I do." He whispered. "Everyday."
He saw movement off in the distance and when he focused his eyes on the figure he saw the one and only Robbie leaning against the fence in front of them.
He sighed to himself as his brother's lip curled upward slightly, his arms crossing over his chest as he shook his head softly.
"He's here isn't he?" Leanne whispered her question from beside him and he let out a chuckle.
She must have been able to sense the way he tensed up when he saw the other man.
"Yeah." He closed his eyes as he hugged Ariel closer, his head falling to rest on top of hers as he took a few deep breaths. "Against the fence."
Ariel squeezed his waist once more and when he opened his eyes the man was gone.
He suddenly felt a sense of emptiness in his soul that he hadn't felt in a while.
He had been through so much over the past year and he would have given anything to have had his baby brother by his side.
He missed him so much it hurt.
"We should get going." He said softly, pulling from them both slowly. "I'm starving."
"Are you sure?" Leanne eyed him curiously and he nodded his head with a soft smile.
"He knows we were here." And now that he knew, that Robbie knew, that they had been there, he felt a little more at ease. "That's all that matters."
He knew that Robbie wouldn't expect him to sit all day and stare at a piece of concrete with his name on it.
"Okay." She squeezed his arm gently before turning toward the car. "Let's go get some food."
Ariel nodded her head before stepping up next to them, linking her arms through theirs as they went.
He hadn't expected today to be spent like this, but he wouldn't trade having these two by his side through it all.
*Don't forget to comment!
