The Hog's Head was a dodgy pub in Hogsmeade, located two streets off of the High Street. The place was not forbidden to students, but almost no one from school ever went there. It was known for its cheapness, and for attracting a quite interesting clientele.
It was not at all like the Three Broomsticks, whose large bar gave an impression of gleaming warmth and cleanliness. The Hog's Head bar comprised one small, dingy, dirty room, strewn with sawdust; the windows were opaque, and the place smelled strongly of smoke and wet soil. The daylight could not permeate the room, which was lit instead with the stubs of candles sitting on rough wooden tables. The floor seemed at first glance to be earthy, though, as Madeline, Lily and the Marauders stepped onto it, they realised that there was stone beneath what seemed to be filth.
There was an ancient wooden till behind the bar that seemed to serve as cash register. Madeline noticed several rags laying on the counter, them too appearing incredibly filthy.
Behind the bar, there was also a rickety wooden staircase leading up to a sitting room.
She had already been in the pub with the Marauders, when they had explored the entire Hogsmeade, in their third year. Sirius had pushed them into that "adventure", but the pub owner had kicked them out, telling them that they were far too young to hang out in places like that.
And that same man, tall, thin, and imposing, with long, stringy, grey hair and beard, "he looks familiar" murmured Sirius before they shut him up, seemed to still think that they were too young to be there, because he raised an eyebrow at them as soon as they stepped into the place. He was wearing a casual attire, but a brown apron covered most of his clothes.
"Hogwarts students" he stated, and his piercing, blue eyes moved between their young faces. "It's not a good idea for you to be here."
Madeline took a deep breath, before answering him, "We're supposed to meet someone" she simply said.
That seemed to surprise the man, whose eyes filled with both understanding and surprise. "Ah, I see. He told me about an encounter… Kids, though. He didn't mention kids." He murmured, while shaking his head. "All will do in times of war, I s'pose…" he added absentmindedly, as if they couldn't hear him, and Sirius pointed a finger at his own head, meaning that he found the bar owner to be crazy.
Remus shot him a reproachful look, and Padfoot dropped his hand back to his side, shrugging.
"You'll find him upstairs, second room to the right" told them the man, while moving behind the counter, where he started to clean some glasses, which only seemed to get dirtier. "He's waiting for you."
They just nodded, looking uncertain, and went in the direction he had indicated. Madeline's heart was beating pretty fast, and she was glad she had asked Lily and the Marauders to go with her. They gave her courage, and strength.
James went first, as if sensing her uncertainty. He was ever the brave, fearless Gryffindor boy she had met on the Hogwarts Express year prior.
She followed him, and the other guys went behind them. Peter, who seemed to feel incredibly uncomfortable, came last.
It was warmer, upstairs, and they were all glad about that. The place was quite inhospitable, and therefore perfect for a secret meeting.
James stopped walking when he reached the second door to the right, and waited an entire minute before knocking on it, twice. Madeline stood by his side, anxiously looking in front of her.
"Who's there?" came a husky voice from the inside. It sounded alert.
Prongs looked at Madeline, before she answered, "Professor… It's me."
The wooden door opened, and the two Gryffindors couldn't help but gape at the man who presented in front of them.
Alastair Rathbone had always been a tall, thin man, but he was now gaunt, and his high cheekbones were more prominent than ever; his green-grey eyes, which had been indecipherable, yet lively, were now full of mistrust and pain. His dark, greying hair had gotten longer, and there was a raggedy air to him, one that didn't suit his elegant posture and features.
He wore Muggle robes, but they weren't as colourful and refined as the ones he had worn as a Professor. Those were dark grey, and plain, as if he wanted to go by unnoticed.
He threw a curious, surprised, look at James, before his eyes settled on the girl by his side, and they filled with fondness. Madeline felt her heart miss a beat at that.
She knew he was a former Professor of theirs, and that they had never been particularly intimate, but seeing him like that, looking so tired, pale, weak and untidy… It made her feel terrible.
They had exchanged letters for months and he had been a dear friend and confidant to her.
She took a step in his direction, and slowly raised a hand to cup his cheek. He was cold, and his facial hair pinched her skin. He didn't stop her as she did so, and even seemed to lean momentarily into her touch.
The other Gryffindors stared at that exchange, looking dumfounded and a bit uncomfortable.
A second later, Rathbone gazed at them, and the softness in his expression left place to a cold detachment. He took a step back.
"Please, come in" he told the lot of them, before retreating inside the room.
James was the first to follow him.
Sirius, instead, let Remus and Peter get into the room, and approached Madeline; he put a hand on her shoulder, as if wanting to reassure the girl. "Don't trouble yourself. You've seen him, right? He's okay" he whispered, and she nodded, while giving him a thankful smile. Then, she took a deep breath, and moved into the room herself.
It was a tiny bedroom, which contained a wrought-iron bed, a bit too short for Rathbone, an old rug, a crackling fireplace and a door which probably led to the loo. An ancient mirror was hanging on the empty, wooden wall on the left, and on the right there were a little wooden table and a chair.
"I didn't expect so many people" the Professor said, as he fetched his wand from the table, "But we can remedy the lack of seats, of course" he murmured, seeming to talk more to himself than to them. He waved his hand, so that the bed transfigured in a long, leather sofa, and the students quickly sat on it.
Rathbone took the chair, then, and sat in front of them.
As he raised his gaze again, he looked at their young faces, with what seemed to be a bit of nostalgia.
"It's good to see you again, Professor" politely said Lily, then.
He hinted a smile at her, one that didn't reach his eyes, "You've always been kind, Miss Evans, thank you", he said, and his husky voice was as soothing and charming as they all remembered, "Can I offer you something? Tea, perhaps?" he asked, but they all understood that it was only out of sheer politeness.
They just shook his head at him, then.
Madeline couldn't stop letting her blue eyes roam over his body.
This was the man who had taught her about the war, who had stood by her side when she had most needed someone, who had offered her words of comfort.
And yet he now looked like someone else completely.
"I…" she began saying, and when his green-grey eyes settled on her, the words caught in her throat. "I asked my friends to come, Professor…" she couldn't call him Alastair, now. It seemed wrong.
He raised an eyebrow at that, appearing surprised by the fact that she was finding it hard to talk to him. She had always spoken too much, after all, even with her Professors.
Even with him, and above all.
The man patiently waited for her to continue.
"Because they want to fight, just like me. And you're the only one who treated me as an adult when I told you about the war… So I thought… You could guide them, too."
Rathbone listened to her with attention, and then, "I see… Guide them, though… That's such a heavy word…" he stated, while shaking his head.
Madeline didn't understand his reaction, but said nothing.
It was clear that he was tense; the blonde girl knew that the others' presence made him wear a mask, one that he wouldn't use if he was alone with her. Rathbone had always been reserved, and apparently detached. His defence mechanism preserved him from getting hurt.
Sirius glanced between them, appearing totally confused. He talked, then, to break that weird silence which had created. "Yeah, guide us. We do want to fight… And the war is getting terrible, isn't it? Dumbledore asked Dagon to teach us Defence, after all. Isn't it a signal of some kind? The man certainly takes no shit…"
Rathbone's eyes filled with surprise at the mention of the Auror, and he also seemed to find the boy's choice of words amusing, "Always brutally honest, Mister Black, aren't you?" he asked, crossing his arms, "I'm just not sure I'm the right person to guide young people like you. I can certainly… Connect you to people who can do that" he explained, and leaned back into his chair. "Dagon, though? I didn't know he had been hired…" he sighed, "The situation is indeed… Difficult" he admitted, and swallowed, "And, don't misunderstand me: I'm really glad you're all here. It's very… Honourable of you." he added.
James knitted his brows at that, and finally spoke, "Well… Sir, honestly, you're the only one we can talk to. We want to help, really." He said, "But everyone seems to want to believe that this war doesn't concern us! Dagon's the only realist Professor in Hogwarts… Is he one of yours, by the way?"
Rathbone shook his head at him, "Aurors, mister Potter, work for the Ministry. You, out of all people, should know that." he replied, clearly referring to his parents, "They don't stand in our way… But they still respect the law. Dagon is an old geezer, he knows his ways around dark wizards. He'll certainly be a good teacher to you. But what we do… Is different. We play to actually win this war."
Remus' amber eyes widened at his words, "I think he wants to prepare us, though. After all, he's teaching us how to fight. Non-verbal spells are advanced magic."
The Professor looked surprised, "Is he, now?" he asked, appearing lost in thoughts, "Mm, Dumbledore didn't mention that…"
They all raised their eyebrows at that, "Dumbledore?" asked Sirius, "You spoke with Dumbledore? Is he involved in the organisation?"
Rathbone didn't show that he had made a mistake, but Madeline could see it in his clenched jaw that he had given them an information that they weren't supposed to have.
Only she noticed that, though. She knew him well.
"He's simply the reason I'm in Hogsmeade. He wanted to ask me about the trip I took this Summer."
That seemed to be a quite reasonable explanation for Padfoot, who only nodded distractedly, his features relaxing.
"What about it?" asked Madeline, then, curiosity taking the better of her.
Rathbone looked at the girl, while he raised an eyebrow, as if he found her vagueness amusing. "What do you want to know, Miss Green?" he asked, and for the first time that afternoon, he looked like his old self again.
Her friends kept looking between them, waiting for her to answer.
"We know it wasn't a trip" she said, "Can you tell us more about it? About the organisation you're part of?"
He studied her for a second, as if taking in every part of her. She had changed, too, just like him. "No, dear… No, not yet, I'm afraid. Let Christmas pass, and then… Then I may start to tell you all something."
Sirius snorted, "Christmas?!"
Remus shook his head, "The Prophet's reporting new deaths every day. We shouldn't lose time…"
"But-" intervened Peter, for the first time that afternoon, and everybody turned to look at him. Even Rathbone seemed surprised that he had talked, "What could we do while we're in school? Not much, I reckon."
Sirius threw him a look, "Well, there are Death Eaters in Hogwarts..."
Madeline felt some panic rise in her chest, then, and she hoped that Sirius wouldn't tell names.
Rathbone shot her a curious look, as if sensing her discomfort.
Lily rolled her eyes at the dark-haired boy, "How can you be so sure about that, Black?"
Nobody answered her. Lily didn't know about Regulus, after all.
James spoke after a moment, "Pete's right, guys. We wouldn't be able to help them, now. Only once we graduate, we'll be ready to fight."
Sirius seemed to think about that for some seconds, before sighing deeply, "Fine… Fine, Prongs, mate, alright, if you say so…"
Madeline shook her head at his quick change of mind. Padfoot really hanged from James' lips.
"I can't tell you much, dear Gryffindors. But I… Appreciate… Your will to fight. We're in the middle of a particularly difficult war, and our enemy is extremely powerful" said Rathbone after a moment, while rubbing his temples with his long fingers, which had once been full of rings, "But as I told Miss Green some time ago… Enjoy these last months of school. Believe me, they won't come back."
Remus nodded solemnly at his words, and also Lily seemed to be a little moved by what he had said.
"What about our families?" she asked, then, "If we… Side with you, will they be in danger?"
Rathbone's green-grey eyes filled with pity, but it was only a moment, before he looked sympathetic again, "Dear Miss Evans… You can't even imagine what they are capable of doing. I shall be extremely honest with you. If you take a side in this war, everyone you love will be in danger."
A veil of cold permeated the room, then.
They all already knew that, but hearing it from another person… From an adult… It was totally different.
Madeline thought about her parents, then, and she shivered with fear.
"What should we do with them, then?" the redhead asked again, sounding terribly concerned, "My family… They are Muggles." She said, and swallowed. Madeline noticed that she had started tapping her foot on the floor, "They wouldn't understand the importance of all of this! What can I do, Professor? How can I protect them?"
James put a hand on her knee to stop her leg from moving, and that seemed to calm Lily, because she gave him a thankful look.
"Just… Stay away from them as much as you can, darling. I doubt Death Eaters will strike them without a reason, so they should be safe. Our organisation is very secretive, after all… You wouldn't be directly exposed." He quickly explained to reassure her, "One day… Everything will be very clear to you. Don't lose your sleep on things like this for now."
That discourse seemed to make him nervous, because he stood up from the wooden chair, and took some steps towards the only window the room had, between the fireplace and the bed. Madeline observed his broad shoulders get up and down as he took a deep breath. He was tired.
The Marauders and Lily noticed that, too.
The redhead stood up. "Well, if you say so… I won't…" she replied, before clearing her throat. "I guess… It's time to go. Thank you, Professor… For everything."
James motioned her, standing up, "Uhm, yes… Thank you, sir…" he said, while rubbing the back of his neck, appearing embarrassed, "We should definitely go, now." He added, looking at the other Gryffindors.
Remus, Sirius and Peter understood what he meant, and instantly followed their friends. But Madeline didn't.
Rathbone had not turned to them, yet, and his eyes were roaming outside the window.
He was waiting.
Sirius sent the blonde girl a questioning look as he moved towards the door.
Madeline sighed, "I'll… Stay here a bit more, if that's okay to you, Professor."
Rathbone glanced over his shoulder, then, "Yeah, yeah… That's okay" he replied, before addressing to the others, "Have a nice day, Gryffindors. I was happy to see you all again. And excuse me for my behaviour… I've been pretty tired, lately." he added after a moment.
"We understand, Professor" Answered Remus, then, with his soft tone of voice, "You've been really kind."
The rest of the Marauders exchanged some looks between them, before muttering their goodbyes, too; then, they left the room. Lily gave Madeline a comforting smile, and followed them, before closing the door behind herself.
Madeline felt more comfortable now that her friends were gone. She observed Rathbone's back for some minutes, and she noticed that he had relaxed since the others had exited the room. After all, he knew that he could be completely honest with her. He knew her well.
And yet, he didn't speak.
She stood up, and approached him, slowly, until she was close enough to put a hand on his forearm. "Why are you so anxious? What happened to you?" she asked in a low voice.
He didn't react to her.
She squeezed his arm, then, feeling his weak muscles underneath the soft fabric of his sweater. "Talk to me, please" she pronounced.
His green-grey eyes flickered to her face, and they were full of longing, "The war happened. Don't ask me more." He answered, and looked outside again, "Really… I have nothing in particular… I just need some time to recover… from my trip, you know? It's still too recent."
She raised an eyebrow at that, "I get it, you won't tell me anything… But… Don't let us part like this. I've missed you, Alastair" she softly said, removing her hand from him.
He turned slightly, then, as if the use of his name had stricken him, "And I've missed you, too, Madeline" he said, "I really did… And I know that this meeting hasn't gone as you had imagined", he spoke, and took a step towards her. He was tall, but not as imposing as he had been before. "But… I didn't expect to see your friends and… Merlin, you are all so young, and hopeful. I don't want to be the one to put an end to that." He added, husky voice slightly breaking.
She swallowed, "I-I…" Fuck, she thought. He was one of the few people who could make her stutter. "Did I put you into a difficult position? By bringing my friends here ? If I have… I'm sorry. I wanted them to meet you, too… Because you're very important to me. And I trust you, like I trust no one."
He shook his head at that, and his long hair fell around his face, making him look even more charming, "You put far too much faith in me" he said, and sighed. "You always have… But I can't be your… Mentor. I'll help you get in the organisation and then… Then we'll be the same, you should know that. I was once your Professor. But now… Look at me. This war is breaking me." He raised a hand, as if wanting to caress her cheek, but then, he let it fall to his side again. "Please, think about… Everything… Thoroughly. You are important to me, too, Madeline. I care about you. I'll be proud if you'll side with us but-"
"What happened to you, Alastair?" she asked again, "The man I met… He was fearless. And proud to fight. He was willing to help me follow my path. He-"
"He was a fool. He thought he knew everything about wars because he had seen Muggle ones, and from a certain distance. And then, this Summer, he was sent on a mission. And he almost lost his mind." He growled, "Voldemort is no easy enemy. He's breaking us apart."
His green-grey eyes were getting desperate, now.
Madeline felt… Afraid. But not of him. Of what had made him change like that.
"Is it that bad?" she whispered, then, and hugged herself.
He only nodded, before taking a step back, putting some more distance between them, "It is… And I'm sorry, I… You shouldn't hear this… But…" he sighed, again. "You should go back to your friends, Madeline."
She shook her head, "No, Alastair… I don't want to" she told him.
He snorted, then, and looked at her with his piercing green-grey eyes.
Slowly, he smirked, like he had done numerous time in the past.
That smirk made her think that he hadn't actually changed that much. The Rathbone she had known was still there. He was only… Tired. And shaken.
"You've always been stubborn. It is a Gryffindor trait, after all. We Slytherins pretend not to like it… But it's amusing, actually." He commented, then.
She grinned, "You Slytherins are very dramatic people" she joked, before going back to being serious, "But… I'm glad to see you're… Still you. I feared that… I couldn't…" she took a deep breath, "I really care about you. Your letters… They really helped me."
His stare softened at her words, "Oh, yours have helped me too, darling" he said with his husky voice, "They were my only hope… In a bad moment… They made me feel human…"
Madeline knitted her brows at that admission. She couldn't understand what that meant, yet. If she had known, then, she would have probably shivered. But that was a time for ignorance. Alastair was still a mystery to her.
She noticed he was still observing her, and sighed. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.
He let out a low laugh, "Nothing. I was just noticing that you've grown."
"Did I? You didn't" she replied, smiling, "You always look the same, Professor"
He raised an eyebrow at that, "Always the charmer, aren't you, Miss Green?" he asked, and leaned against the windowsill. "Go to the Three Broomsticks, now." He told her, "Have a Butterbeer with your friends… Before Aberforth thinks I have an affair with a Hogwarts student." He sarcastically said, with that soothing tone of voice that she found entirely enticing.
She laughed, then, "Who's Aberforth?"
The man shook his head, "Oh, nevermind." He answered, "And… About my vinyls. Next time, alright?"
Madeline nodded, understanding what he meant. She had asked him to listen to them together, in her letter to him. And he had never answered to that invitation.
"I'll hold on to that" she said, before taking some steps towards the door. She could feel his stare on her back as she did so.
That's when she realised that he was not her Professor anymore. Not at all. And she was not walking away from his classroom, like she had done several times the previous year.
No.
He was just a man, a young man, her friend, and he was broken. All her courage resurfaced, then. She knew he needed some comfort. Some humanity.
She turned to him. He was still leaning against the windowsill, observing her. He looked weak, and ragged, but… But he was still handsome. And there was a twinkle in his green-grey eyes. One that made her feel confident, and beautiful.
They stared at each other for some seconds.
Then, she walked to him, and threw her hands around his neck. She hugged him tightly, like she had done some months prior, when Professor Rathbone, ("not Alastair" she thought, "this is Alastair"), had greeted her goodbye.
He didn't stiffen like he had done when he had been her superior, but gladly welcomed her against his lean chest and wrapped his hands around her waist. He sighed in her ear, as if feeling relieved by her gesture. "I would have done this…" he admitted to her with his husky voice, "Didn't want to be inappropriate, though…" he explained.
She only held him tighter, then, while caressing his back. The tension left his body as she did so.
The hug didn't last long, though.
Alastair separated from her, and gave her a gentle smile, one that reached his eyes. He looked genuinely content. "Thank you for coming to see me, Madeline" he told her, "I'll write to you soon, okay?"
She nodded, "Okay, Alastair" she answered, "And… I'm in your debt. You helped me. And my friends. Thank you."
He shook his head, as he accompanied her to the door, slowly. "Don't worry about that, dear." He dismissively stated; another thought seemed to strike him, then. "Worry about something else."
She stiffened, then, and shot him a questioning look, putting a hand against the door so that he wouldn't open it and leave her hanging.
"You're hiding something from your friends" he told her, then, looking her in the eyes. "I know you well enough to notice that."
"I'm no-"
"The Death Eater you're protecting…" he added, and she felt herself freeze at that, "He's a server of Lord Voldemort. Don't trust him. One day, you'll have to choose. And he'll have to do the same."
She got defensive, then, and crossed her arms. "You know nothing about-"
"I'm giving you an advice, Madeline. This war is tough enough by itself. You're only way too proud to admit that you can't control everything in your life."
She didn't know what to say to that, because she knew he was right. He sighed, then, and his stare softened. "I've taught you for an entire year, don't think that I don't know you… That I don't know who you spend your time with… I know that… Love… It makes you dream-"
She blushed at that, "Alastair! I'm not a child-"
"I know, Madeline." He answered, before his stare hardened a bit, and his tone of voice got lower. "But… I must be honest with you… I won't let you fight by my side if I'll think your allegiances aren't clear" he said.
She nodded, then, feeling her throat dry at his words. "I'm loyal to the cause. I want to win this war."
"Even if winning may mean… Losing him? Maybe… Having to kill him?"
She couldn't even think about that prospect. It was… Not an option.
All the while, Rathbone was looking at her with his piercing green-grey eyes.
"It won't come to that." She firmly stated.
He sighed, and slightly shook his head, "You're still a girl…" he murmured, "But I hope so, too. I really hope so, for you…" he whispered after a moment. Then, he opened the door for her. "Remember what I used to tell you?"
She nodded as she crossed the threshold, "Yes… 'There is no middle ground'" she recited.
"Exactly." he stated.
She looked at him once again, and sighed, before completely changing the subject of the conversation. "Thank you again, Alastair."
He relaxed, then. "Oh, not at all, Madeline. It was lovely to see you, again." He added, before giving her another one of his signature smirks.
They stared at each other for some seconds.
"Write to me soon… Promise that" she asked him.
He let out a low laugh, "I guess I can do that. I promise. And you… Just promise me to be careful, alright? I know it's a lot to ask." He said, sounding amused.
She smiled, "I guess I can try to do that, too" she pronounced, making him laugh "I promise."
There was a swift in his expression, then, as the idea that she was definitely leaving settled in his mind.
She was about to escape his fascinating stare, and walk away, when he caught her wrist and pulled her to him once again. His arms held her more tightly than before, and the hug felt more… Heated, to both of them.
Madeline inspired deeply, as one of his hands caressed her long hair. His scent was still the same: mint, ink, expensive aftershave.
Images of the year before flooded in her mind. He had been the most charming teacher she had ever had, and he was now holding her with such passion that she almost cried while thinking about his Professor days.
When they separated, his green-grey eyes betrayed all his desire, and melancholy.
"Go" he spoke, "Go, now…" he urged her, "Or I won't be able to… Go."
The words registered in her mind, and she felt her knees tremble.
Severus, she thought, I have Severus.
She took one last look at the man in front of her, and ran away from the pub.
