A/N: I don't own Twilight or its characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer. I do not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
BPOV:
Edward sighed and scrubbed his hand down his face. "Come with me." His voice was authoritative as he took my hand, and we walked together into the nearby trees, following the path I knew Edward jogged most days. His hand was warm in mine as we continued in silence for a few minutes until we were far enough away from the house to start talking.
"I was a dickhead." He carried on walking, holding my hand tighter and pausing while I stepped over a fallen log.
Okay, so that part was true. I knew the things he said upstairs earlier showed he cared; they showed he couldn't honestly think we were anything but serious, but I needed to hear what else he had to say.
When we reached a clearing, he turned to me and held both my hands, filling me with a warmth I'd missed since we'd been apart. "A total dickhead. I should never have said what I said. My brother was teasing me, and yes, we are old enough to act like adults, but he loves nothing more than finding something to rile me about, so he was winding me up about my feelings for you. I just snapped at him. I know my words hurt you, and I'm truly sorry. It's clear we've let this get out of hand, and I'm sorry for not clearing the air sooner. I promise if you give me another chance, I will be more careful with your heart."
"But how can I trust what you're saying now…"
"Because I've always been honest with you; I just wasn't honest with myself. I made it seem I didn't care because that's what I wanted my brother to think. Not you, though. I never wanted you to think that because…because the truth is, I'm falling in love with you."
I stood stunned.
After another few beats of silence, he looked at me expectantly. His eyes bored into mine as he held my gaze. A smile tugged at his lips, and I fought the urge to dive into him, to feel that stubble against my lips, to be reminded of the hardness of his broad chest, and to feel his strong arms wrap against me and hold me tight.
"I…I…I… You're what?" I'd replayed Edward's hurtful words so many times in my head I'd come to believe them, but now he was telling me the exact opposite. "You're what?" I repeated, still dumbfounded.
"I'm in love with you, Bella." He shrugged like it was a fact, something he had no control over.
"Even when I told you we were over?" I asked sheepishly.
"Even then." He nodded emphatically.
"Even when I said I didn't want to want you?" I whispered.
"Even then." He nodded again.
"Even when…" this was the big one. "Even when my daughter is married to your son?"
He didn't miss a beat; he just nodded his head more firmly than the past two times. "Even then."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
We stood in another long silence. I wanted to crash my body to his, to be held by him again, to hear him say those words again, but I was too stunned. A few hours ago, we were broken up, and I'd picked up my phone ready to call off sick and not even turn up here. Now he was telling me he was in love with me.
"I get that this is bad timing," Edward interrupted my thoughts, running his palm down his jaw. "I should have told you over some candlelit meal or on a blanket under the stars or…"
"Or maybe just when we weren't already broken up?"
Edward nodded, but he couldn't stop the lopsided grin that spread across his lips. "That too."
"Edward I…"
"You don't need to speak, just believe me … please." His last word was pleading and so genuine I knew I could trust him. He took a step closer to me, his eyes still holding mine, seeking guidance…seeking permission. I don't know who moved first, but within seconds his lips were pressed against mine, muffling my breath and the groan I released. I sank into his body as his warm, soft lips quietened my brain and made that ever-present tension give way to the familiar spark I felt between us. I tried to hide my groan, but the tug of a smile I felt on Edward's lips showed me he'd heard it. His hands found my waist and pulled me to him, his palms flattening on my back, holding me tight and secure in his strong arms.
I couldn't stay angry at him.
Not even a little bit.
His body was strong and unyielding, his scent so familiar, his hands so warm as they snuck into my hair and held me to his lips, impossibly closer, until we were one with no space between us. His groan made my tummy twist delightfully as he thrust gently against me, making me gasp. Finally, his lips slowed, and when they left mine, he replaced them with his finger, holding it against my lips to quieten me enough for him to talk.
"Bella, tell me we're doing this, please. I'm so fucking miserable without you, and I'm so beyond caring what anyone else thinks. I will happily walk back in there and tell everyone in that room we are in a relationship that is most definitely serious and that I'm falling in love with you."
I scoffed a little in surprise. "I appreciate the offer, but maybe we could just catch our breath for a minute." I tugged his shirt, wanting to stay close to him even when he was a few steps ahead of me in this relationship.
His hands stroked my hair, my wrist, anywhere he could find bare skin. "Edward," I moaned as my eyes closed, and I enjoyed his touch.
"Yes." He waited.
I felt breathless as I listened to his calm breathing, so close to me.
I opened my eyes but couldn't quite make eye contact, speaking to his chest instead. "Promise me you want this. If I risk things with Nessie and we don't work…"
"Look at me." The authority in his voice made me raise my eyes immediately.
"I have never felt this way about someone before. I have never wanted to be with anyone as much as I want to be with you. I'm risking the wrath of Jacob too. We're in this together, okay?"
I heard the sincerity in his voice, and I couldn't stop the tear that fell down my cheek, which Edward caught with his thumb as he pulled me closer.
"I know you're scared, and I feel like a bastard asking you to risk upsetting your daughter, but I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel this way about you. I know we'd need to think about how this would work with the kids, but they shouldn't be the reason we aren't together. I think we've shown it would be way worse for them if we can't be in the same room as each other."
"We can be adults, Edward." My finger rubbed circles on his shirt, I wanted to pull him to me and kiss him stupid, but I also wanted to hash out any lingering questions I had while we had this honest talk.
"Really? Because it was awkward as hell the other night at the kids' place, and I know for sure I can't watch you introduce some other guy to them, to see some other man play grandad with our grandchildren while I want you so much. I can't see you all the time at family events and holidays and not be with you. That would make things unbelievably awkward for Jacob and Vanessa, more so than if we were a happy couple, an unconventional family but one filled with love."
I nodded as he continued. "Bella, you heard Nessie; she just wants you to be happy."
I looked deep into his eyes and saw the sincerity there.
"I want to do this, Edward, I absolutely do…"
Edward's smile was immediate as he pulled me closer to him, cutting off my next words. "So we're back together?" He spoke in a sing-song voice, knowing the answer.
"Yes." I poked his chest. "But this time, Edward, I don't want to play games; we're adults, so let's behave like adults."
He nodded. "Agreed. But if we want this to be a serious relationship, we are going to have to tell people about us."
"Are you sure you'll still want me if we aren't sneaking about? What if that excitement goes away?" I was mostly joking, which I think Edward knew as he scoffed like my words were absurd.
"Excitement? Christ Bella! Trust me, feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack, lose you and upset my son all at the same time is not exciting. My favorite times with you are the evenings you're here, and we're together, alone, like any other couple. Not when I'm trying to act normal around the kids or family; I'm too old for that shit! At my age, I have to start watching my blood pressure." He joked.
"Just checking," I responded.
Edward tucked my hair behind my ear as he spoke. "I just want to sit around a dinner table with my girlfriend and my son without this massive weight crushing me and occupying so much of my mind I can't think straight. When Jake asks what I've been up to on the weekend, I try not to lie to him, but I don't tell him the part when I spent time with this amazing woman, and I remembered what it's like to be me again, Edward, not Dad, but Edward."
I nodded. "I know. At first, I felt like I was protecting Nessie; I could justify not telling her when we were just figuring this all out. But now our relationship is more serious, and I do feel like I'm lying to her—like I have this whole life she doesn't know about, and when we do tell her that might hurt her more than anything else."
"True, they might be more annoyed by the deception than the actual relationship." Edward mused, clearly considering this for the first time.
We were both quiet until I broke the silence
"I know. We'll never work while we hide our feelings from the people we love the most, but I don't think telling them the same evening we get back together is wise. Besides, it's Jacob's birthday; let's not steal his thunder."
"Yeah, that's true." Edward agreed.
"My birthday is in two weeks. Let's enjoy that as a couple and tell the kids after." My heart raced as I said the words. I didn't know if I was ready for that to actually happen, but it felt good to have a plan in mind.
"Okay. Two more weeks." Edward bent down, and I felt the smile on his lips as he kissed me. Harder this time, groaning as his hands enveloped my body and left no space between us. "Fuck, I've missed you." He took one step back but still held me close.
I took a deep breath; while we were being so honest with each other, there was something else I needed to say
"Edward, I owe you an apology, too. I know I've been reluctant and the more hesitant one up until now. It's not about how I feel for you, although I am a bit scared how much I feel for you…" Edward smiled but let me continue uninterrupted. "I'm scared," I confessed. "I thought we could have some fun together, but once we got more serious and I realized we'd have to tell the kids … well, it was almost less scary to break up than to face them."
"I know." Edward nodded. "I felt it."
I sighed. "I'm sorry. You deserve better than that. You're in the same position as me, but you're all in, and I promise you this time, I'm all in too."
He smiled. "Good. I needed to hear that"
I grinned at him. He looked so sincere and so happy. The heaviness that had surrounded him earlier was gone; he looked lighthearted and relieved. " I don't know what we do now; I just told everyone I was leaving!"
"I know; as much as I love my family, I wish my house was empty right now!" Edward's hands stroked at my hair, and my arms circled his waist.
"Do you want to come over to mine once everyone's left?"
"Hmmm," he pondered jokingly, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. "Absolutely."
We held hands as we walked back along the trail towards his house and my car. As the house came into view, I dropped his hand and watched his face drop.
"I'll see you soon." God, I wanted to kiss him. It was odd leaving so soon after we'd made up, but I knew we'd be together again in a few hours.
Edward nodded as he walked backwards up the steps to his house, still looking at me. "I'll call you when I'm leaving."
"I'll be waiting," I promised him.
A/N: Merry Christmas! I'd love a review for Christmas, it would be lovely to get this story over 1500 reviews by the big day, what a Christmas gift that would be!
If you're in a festive mood I have two Christmas stories I'd love for you to check out and review.
Not So Merry and Bright is a 30k, 10 chapter story: "Bella's Christmas wasn't looking so merry and bright this year. Can she reunite with Edward for the family Christmas she dreamed of or is everything between them now lost?"
Mistletoe Kisses is a one-shot: "Edward Cullen owed me a favor and now was the time to cash it in. Little did I know, I would be the one who ended up with the best present in Santa's sack." This is my entry in the Naughty or Nice: A Twilight Christmas Contest 2017. It was chosen as the Host's choice.
The links to both stories are on my Author profile.
This story will continue posting in 2021, sometime in January, but after the year we're all having my updates may take a little longer. I hope you all manage the best Christmas you can and roll on 2021!
Thanks to my great team of people willing to help with this story. Frannie Walsh, ChristyWIX, RebAdams, Heather Stack Riggs , Julie Gotcha Dodge and Gail Gaber have giving up their time to beta and pre-read for this chapter. Any mistakes are my own because I tinker with this story all the time.
