Chapter 57
Clarke sat down at Octavia's desk. Madi was beside her. Clarke was wiping and holding her hands. For Clarke, it was eerie similar to the night her mother found in Lexa's tent after she'd killed Finn. She didn't want to look up into Madi's eyes. She couldn't. She felt like she would be a hypocrite if she did.
She remembered the words that her mother told her that night. They echoed in her dreams. They haunted her for days after Finn's death. It took months, really years, for her to come to terms with the fact that she killed him. Sure, it was a mercy killing, but part of her loved Finn. She also knew that Raven had been angry with her for weeks, until she almost faced the same torment. She forgave Clarke, but she didn't forget it. Clarke knew that Raven hadn't forgotten as many times as she'd thrown it back in Clarke's face, even though she understood that Clarke did him a favor while punishing herself.
"Are you okay?" Clarke asked as she cleaned Madi's hands.
"Sha, Klark," Madi replied.
She looked up now. She needed to see the truth in her blue eyes. She needed to know that her daughter was actually okay. She knew that they were safe. She knew that they were and would be protected, but she needed to know that Madi was okay.
"It's okay if you aren't," Clarke told her.
"I know," Madi said.
Octavia watched them. She could see the intimacy that was borne from six years together on the ground. Clarke had become her mother in that time, but Madi didn't call her mother in either Trig or English when they spoke. But, Madi referred to Clarke as her mother when she took her cuts. She allowed others to call Clarke her mother. She didn't correct them. She agreed with Octavia when she called Clarke her mother. But, today, she called Clarke her mother or at least Octavia believed that she had.
Octavia had been getting closer to Clarke and in doing that, had been getting closer to Madi as well. But, she was surprised when Madi referred to someone as Nomontu as she took her strikes against Cooper. She didn't know if Madi was referring to her or to Clarke. And, if it was her, did Clarke object to her being referred to Nomontu? She didn't believe that Clarke would because Clarke had claimed Ethan as her son. Clarke was the one that presenting them as a family unit. Octavia didn't counter it because it was what she wanted.
She thought more about the day as she watched Clarke holding Madi's hands in her own. She realized that Clarke had stepped forward before anyone else after Madi had taken her cuts and Octavia wondered why. Could it have been because Clarke was done with the torture? Or, was it because she was worried about Madi? Neither of them had expected Madi to act at the punishment, but Octavia was proud of her for doing so. She knew that it also cemented the fact that Madi was Prisa kom Wanheda, and maybe she would taken in as the people as Prisa kom Osleya, too.
"Madi, I have a question for you," Octavia started and two sets of cerulean turned to face her, both in question.
"Sha, Osleya," Madi stated.
"You took four cuts today," Octavia said.
"I know. I'm sorry. I overstepped my duty to Wonkru."
"Why were you so angry, Strikheda?" Octavia asked her, switching to Trig because she knew that it made Madi more comfortable, and she knew that topic would be hard for them all.
Madi looked down. She was now ashamed of what she had done. But, neither Clarke nor Octavia were accusing her of her actions. Clarke furrowed her brow at Madi's actions. She across the expanse between them and tipped Madi's chin up. Blue met blue and held.
"Answer the question, Madi," Clarke urged gently.
"I don't know."
"Did you want to kill her?"
"Sha," Madi answered.
"Why?" Clarke asked her.
"She hurt our people. She hurt Wonkru. She killed Ethan. She is a murderer. She deserved everything that she got."
"She did, but why did you feel like you should be the one to end her?" Clarke inquired, wondering if this was where Octavia was going with her line of questioning.
"Ai laik natblida. Ai laik prisa kom Wanheda. Ai laik prisa kom Wonkru. Eethin don laik ai bro..."
Octavia moved across the room. She pulled Madi into her arms and held her. She looked over the teen's shoulder to Clarke. Blue eyes stared back down at her, worried. Octavia knew that they had to fix this. They had to fix Madi. They couldn't let her be bloodthirsty.
Octavia finally released her and pushed her back a little. Her green eyes met stormy blue and held them. She reached up and put her hand on Madi's left cheek. She made the teen hold her gaze.
"You are the Prisa kom Wonkru. You will most likely succeed me, Madi, but you don't have to be ruthless. You need compassion, wisdom and love to rule well. It took me a long time to realize that. Clarke knew that from the time her feet touched the Earth. You should be proud to be her daughter. You should learn from her and not me," Octavia told her.
"But, you are the Osleya," Madi countered.
"All that means is that I am a good warrior, Madi. Ruling means more than war. There is justice to deal with. There is the people to think about. There are projects that must be completed for the success and betterment of the people. As the leader, you have to know how to move people. You have to have more than warriors. Do you understand?"
"Sha, ai Osleya," Madi replied.
"Good, ai strikheda. I am not mad at you for taking the cuts. I am proud that you considered Ethan your brother. I know that he was a difficult boy, and that is my fault. And, to be honest, even though your mother will tell you different, his death is partially on me. I didn't give him the love that he needed and he turned to Cooper. I didn't make him take the worm, but I afforded him the reasoning to do so. That is on me. And, I will carry that as my punishment. But, you have to remember that every life, good or bad, is to cherished and shouldn't be taken lightly," Octavia explained.
"Sha, nomontu," Madi stated.
Clarke cocked an eyebrow at Octavia at Madi's words.
"Ai laik yur nomontu?" Octavia asked her. "Klark din laik yur nomontu?"
"No, yu laik ain nomontu. Klark laik ain nomon, nau. Oso laik seingeda, nau, sha?"
"Sha, Madi, sha," Octavia answered the teen's question and pulled her back into another hug.
When she pulled back, Clarke could see the tears forming in Octavia's eyes. She knew that the older woman needed more time alone, but she wasn't going to shoo Madi away. She was glad that Octavia and Madi were getting closer. They needed each other, and they were good for each other.
"Do me a favor," Octavia said to the teen as she released her embrace again.
"Chit, Nomontu?"
"Don't worry about the justice we dole out for now or the battles we fight to get Eden back. Worry about getting stronger and learning more about our people and how to lead. Continue to learn to heal from your Nomon, Niylah and Jackson. Indra, Gaia and I will work on your fighting skill. If you aren't with your Nomon or me, stay with Indra, Miller, Monty, Harper or Gaia. You will always have guards to protect you. Don't got anywhere without them, but just be a kid. You're one of the few here that knows how. Help the others, yeah? You had that with Clarke. Teach them all that they don't have to be warriors all the time, okay? Can you do that for me and your mother?" Octavia asked her.
"Sha, Nomontu," she replied with a smile as she nodded.
"Good. Go find Miller just outside and have him take you to Gaia. Stay with her until dinner. Then go learn with Monty and Harper until bedtime. If you need us, send a guard. If we need you, we'll find you."
"And, tomorrow, report to Gaia for school," Clarke told her.
She nodded to both her mothers. Clarke reached over and took the teen into her arms, hugging her tight. She kissed the side of Madi's head and sent her on her way.
As soon as she was out of the door, Octavia turned up to look at Clarke and said, "We'll watch her. We won't let her become like us. I was surprised as you by her actions today."
"I wasn't that much," Clarke replied.
"Your not? Why? What don't I know?" Octavia inquired as Clarke pulled her up into an embrace.
"No, I am not. She tried to kill me remember because she thought that I was a fleimkepa coming to take her away. She blamed her blood for her village's destruction. She wanted to punish someone or something. She'd lost her family, her village, everything in Praimfaya. In the end, she gained me as her mother. And, now I've chosen to align with you and we both became Wonkru. She isn't going to let Wonkru fall. She'll die first, and she'll do so believing that it is the will of the Spirits and her blood. She is the strikheda even though she doesn't bare the Flame," Clarke answered.
"I will not let her fall to the wayside like Ethan was," Octavia stated forcefully.
"She won't. We won't let it happen. She'll be strong because we are strong."
"She needs a new guard."
"You still don't trust London?"
"I'm going to reassign her."
Clarke cocked an eyebrow, "Why?"
"She left her post."
"She was reassigned. Albeit was by you, but she thought she was following orders. She shouldn't be punished for that. She's done nothing but be by my or Madi's side since she realized that they were illegal orders. She's paid for it by watching Ethan die. She took her revenge against Cooper, as we both did as well. You told her that she could prove herself to you. She has," Clarke told her.
"You forgive too easily," Octavia stated.
"Lexa said the same thing
"Well, you do."
"Then, give her to me."
"I will. She's yours. She'll be your personal guard."
"She'll stay with Madi when we march on Eden," Clarke said.
"How is she supposed to protect you if she's here with Madi?" Octavia questioned.
"You gave her to me. I'll have an army at my back. She's can protect one girl back here. I'll be fine."
"We shall see," Octavia mused.
"We'll be fine, Octavia. We will win this battle. We will take back Eden. Ethan has been avenged. Now, it is time for all those that have died at Diyoza's hand. We will free our people that are in Eden. We will be free to live there again. We will be okay."
"Do you command this mighty Wanheda?" Octavia asked her.
"No, I promise it," Clarke told her again.
Octavia fell to her knees in front of Clarke. She wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist and held her tight. She buried her head into Clarke's stomach. Clarke reached down and threaded her hands into Octavia's hair, holding her close. When Octavia finally turned her head to breathe, Clarke could see the tear tracks on her face. She realized that they were fresh. These weren't the tracks from the funeral. These weren't the angry tracks from Cooper's execution. These were fresh and told Clarke what she knew would happen happened. Octavia was breaking.
She slowly ran her fingers over Octavia's scalp. She felt the woman melt further into her. She knew that Octavia needed to grieve some more, she needed to rage more, and she needed to let her emotions out behind closed doors. Clarke ran her fingers down to Octavia's ears and tilted her head up to look into her eyes. Octavia didn't resist. She moved where Clarke wanted her to and stared up into her cerulean eyes, getting lost in them all over again.
"Come with me," Clarke ordered.
Octavia stood. Clarke moved away from where they had been sitting near the desk. She left the bowl and dirty rags to be cleaned up later. For now, Octavia needed her, and she knew that part of her needed Octavia in that moment. She took three steps before she reached back with her hand for Octavia. The brunette took her hand gingerly as Clarke pulled her along to the bedroom.
She manuvered Octavia towards the bed. Slowly and methodically, she stripped her of her Blodreina armor. She sat it on the table and looked at the woman before her. She was broken. Too many things had happened at once and Clarke was barely keeping her together. Octavia didn't know what she would do if she lost anyone else close to her. She was close to imploding and Clarke could see it.
She reached out and touched Octavia's face. The brunette leaned into the touch. Clarke held her. The blonde's hands ran down her back. She just simply touched her. She could feel the cracks in Octavia widening, and she knew the only way to heal her was to let her rage. But, she couldn't yet. She needed Octavia ready to fight, ready to rage on Eden, but she didn't need her homicidal. She needed her Osleya, not Blodreina.
Octavia wrapped her arms back around the blonde holding her close. She needed the connection. She needed to feel real, loved and warm. She hadn't felt warm since Ethan's death. It was like Clarke was breathing for her, keeping her alive, but letting her break and crack. Clarke was keeping her together. She sighed as Clarke rubbed her hands down her back. She didn't know what came over her but relief. Clarke was caring for her. Clarke was letting her follow someone else's lead. She didn't have to be in charge with Clarke, and it was a glorious feeling.
Clarke flicked her eyes from Octavia's viridian eyes to her lips and back again. She couldn't help herself. She needed to keep Octavia healthy, mentally, too. She leaned forward enough to kiss the brunette. It was a soft touching of lips, but it conveyed so much between them. She kept it soft and simple. When Octavia would try to deepen it, Clarke would pull away.
After a few minutes, Clarke reached down and pulled Octavia's shirt over her head. She sighed as she looked over Octavia's body. When Octavia tried to touch her, she stopped her. She moved down to Octavia's pants and underwear off. After Octavia was naked, Clarke moved her over to the bed. She reached down and pulled the covers back. She ushered Octavia into the bed and then onto her stomach. Octavia looked back at her from her position.
"Shh, I'll be right there," Clarke told her as she pulled her own shirt off.
Clarke just stared at her as she pulled the rest of her clothes off. When she was done, she mounted the bed and sat across the top of Octavia's thighs. Octavia tried to reach back and pull Clarke up more fully on her, but her hands were batted away. Clarke leaned forward and started massaging her shoulders and upper back. Octavia felt the knots that were in her muscles loosening at Clarke's movements. She felt the very soft touch of the blonde's hand as they rubbed over her back. She felt herself turning into a puddle of goo, and she didn't care. It felt good.
"Just relax, ai Osleya," Clarke told her.
Her massage went from deep, digging fingers to light and fleeting touches. She thought that Clarke was trying to map her skin and learn each and every imperfection. There was an adoration in her touch that Octavia had never felt. She felt as each tattoo was traced completely from neck to ass. She couldn't help the moan that escaped her mouth from Clarke's knowing touch.
After a long time, Octavia couldn't tell anyone how long, Clarke leaned back over her. She felt the blonde's lips touch her back. It took her longer than she'd care to admit that Clarke was tracing the lines of her tattoos with her tongue and kissing each one when she finished tracing them. She moved her arms out to her sides and just let herself become one with the bed. She didn't care who came in there at the moment. Clarke would draw on knife on her and she would let her kill her. She was losing herself in the blonde's loving touch.
Clarke stopped licking her back. She moved further up and onto Octavia's ass. Her hands traced up the brunette's side, running over the lattice work of her ribs, memorizing her body even more. She bent down and placed her head in the crook of Octavia's neck. She lightly nipped at the junction between her throat and her shoulder. She heard Octavia hiss at the contact. Normally, she would have bitten down harder and drawn out the pleasure, but this wasn't about that. She wasn't trying to be rough and hard. She was trying to be soft and passionate. She was trying to take the worries away from Octavia.
She kissed her way up Octavia's neck to her cheek. She left a quick kiss there and started back to her neck. She then kissed from the base of her head down her spine, moving down as she did, all the way to the top of her ass. She gave her butt a playful slap as she knelt back around her thighs. Raising up just enough, Clarke stayed there as she looked down at the masterpiece before her.
"Roll over," Clarke commanded.
Octavia smiled, slowly, into a passion-induced smirk. She rolled, letting their skin rub against each other. She reveled in the heat coming from Clarke's body as her soul soaked it up like a balm. She looked deeply into her sapphire eyes.
"What do you need, ai houmon?" Clarke asked her.
"Yu, ai houmon, jos yu," Octavia answered.
Clarke smiled down at her. She reached down and ran her hands over Octavia's front. She began to map her front with the same soft touch and kisses that she had on for Octavia's back. She lingered on each scar, kissing them all reverently. She caressed Octavia's body. She moved her head down and kissed her lips again.
This time when Octavia tried to deepen the kiss, Clarke allowed it. It didn't last as long as Octavia wished before Clarke was leaning over her chest. She could feel the soft and silky tresses running over her feverish skin. She wanted to call out to the heavens in pleasures, but she managed to hold it in with no more than a hissing sigh. Clarke ate it up as she kissed her way down from Octavia's chin to her breast bone. She took her time and worshiped the woman beneath her. Her lips and tongue bathing Octavia in her love as she circled her breasts. She could feel the goosebumps forming under her lips.
Octavia could no longer be so passive. She reached up and buried her hands in Clarke's hair, but she knew that she wasn't in charge of this. She just merely held her, not daring to push Clarke where she wanted her, or begging for more. She just kept her hands buried in her hair.
Finally after long minutes of teasing, worship, and adoration, Clarke's tongue circled her right nipple. Octavia cried out, but the words were intelligible. It was in that moment, that Clarke remembered that they hadn't warned the guards to keep everyone away. They had both just assumed that they would. But, as it was, Clarke couldn't be bothered about it at the moment. She was so lost in the feeling of Octavia beneath her lips that she didn't care.
She moved from right to left, giving the other side just as much. Her lips started a descent downwards as her hands gathered handfuls of Octavia's bosom. She wasn't ready to let them go as she moved towards Octavia's font. She could smell her, and it was everything that Clarke could do not to roll her eyes to the back of her head. Finally after long strokes of her tongue and few gentle nips to Octavia's hips and thighs, she was settled between her legs. She kissed her lower lips and then licked a stripe through them. Octavia bucked just enough for Clarke to wrap her fingers around her hips to hold her down.
Keeping Octavia in position, Clarke flicked her eyes upward over Octavia's tantalizing body. When Octavia's eyes met hers, they were blown and black. Clarke couldn't find but a hint of green. She smiled as she continue her gentle exploration. She took her time and enjoyed second that she was down there. She could tell with how wet Octavia was, how excited she was, and how close Octavia was to cumming. She didn't let her fall over the edge.
Octavia fought her body's want to thrash in the bed. She felt Clarke's hold against her hips. She felt her thighs trying to close, trying to hold Clarke in place, trying to find the friction and the pace that she needed to fall into oblivion.
Clarke finally pulled back just a little. She pulled one hand around Octavia's right hip to the brunette's core. The blonde's fingers toyed with her opening as her lips wrapped around her clit. Her fingers found the spot that would make Octavia see stars.
"Jok," Octavia cried in a whisper as her body soared.
Clarke just smiled as she continued to push Octavia higher and higher, driving her to another orgasm. At this point, Clarke was relentless. She kept going and going until Octavia couldn't and then she pushed her further. Octavia buried her fingers in Clarke's hair, gripping her head tight, desperately trying to pull the blonde up and away from her core. She saw a bright white light and then darkness.
Clarke smiled as Octavia passed out. She knew the other woman needed sleep and loving. She was giving her both. Slowly, she moved up the bed and got beside the brunette, making sure that Octavia knew it was her beside her. She couldn't help the small giggle that escaped her mouth as Octavia rolled over onto Clarke and cuddled. She held her, knowing that Octavia was just as bad as Lexa about appearing weak.
But, Octavia wasn't weak. She never had been. She was a survivor. She did whatever she had to in order to make it, and she knew that sometimes the hardest decisions weren't the best. But, Octavia had held the bunker together for six years and saved over eight hundred souls. She could afford a few hours to herself and to sleep. Clarke would care for things now. They were sharing the responsibility.
Finally relaxing herself, Clarke allowed herself to start to go to sleep. She pulled the covers up over them to keep them warm. As she started to drift off, she heard a noise from the office. She knew it wasn't Madi. The teen had learned to make enough noise early on in her time with Clarke if she didn't want gun in her face. Clarke didn't even think twice. She reached over to the bedside table where she kept her loaded pistol and aimed at the door. She gathered Octavia closer and rolled her just enough to the side, so that Clarke was more exposed than she was. She'd be damned if she lost another lover to assassination. Her eyes were trained on the door, not needing to completely sight in to make the shot, and waited for whomever it was.
Monty came barreling through the door shouting for Clarke as he did, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the pistol trained on him. He looked from the gun to Clarke to Octavia's barely stirring form back to Clarke. The blonde just casually raised her eyebrow at him waiting for his news.
"Umm...Echo and Raven are on the radio. They have news. I came as fast as I could," Monty told her.
"We'll be down shortly. Keep them on the radio for as long as you can. If they have to go before we get there, get whatever information you can."
"Right. Sure. Yep," Monty replied.
"Hurry," Clarke said with a little bit of annoyance in her voice.
Monty didn't need to be told twice. He was out of the room before Clarke could return the pistol to its location. She smiled. Things were starting to get better. They had to be. She wasn't sure how much longer they could wait to take Eden.
"Octavia," Clarke whispered in her ear.
"Not now," Octavia grumbled.
"Oma gona laik kom songpleiya gon yu," Clarke said.
"Oyu gona?"
"Eko en Reivon," Clarke answered.
Octavia was up and out the door before Clarke could stop her.
"You might want clothes first, ai Osleya!"
