Was it really that much more difficult than normal, or was she being dramatic. Chances were, she was being a bit dramatic. Nikita always had a flare for it, ramping up a situation to its extreme. That tactic served her well in distracting her enemies and targets; it also caught them off guard, making her unpredictable. But there were definitely still moments where her overdramatics weren't for the best. Thinking that sitting out a mission was going to be impossible was one of those times. It wasn't as though she was cut out of anything. She was running the mission from the beach house, after all. She just felt like things weren't right.

It was probably only her anxiety. She hadn't been completely calm in a long while. Running, sparring, practicing yoga, petting Barkhoff, and taking a moment to breathe with her family helped here and there. But Nikita knew she'd need a substantial way to destress. Out of everything to cause her harm, being too stressed had the potential to be the most detrimental; it was the one thing her doctor told her to be mindful of. Being out of the field should've allowed her to be calm and focused. Her life wasn't on the line and she didn't have adrenaline coursing through her veins. Yet watching everything unfold on just a computer screen had her nerves nearly shot. She didn't think she had the control she normally had. If anything happened, she wouldn't be able to immediately save the day.

There was only one other mission she had sat out on, and it was hell. Alex was isolated in a hotel, trying to survive Gogol. Michael went to help her, which left Nikita and Birkhoff managing from the safehouse. She had things under control, until Carla went insane. Her team was almost killed because of her friend's intense need to kill Amanda and rescue Division. Nikita couldn't have another uncontrolled variable attempt to take everything from her. She needed to ensure the op ran as smoothly as possible. Sitting trapped behind a desk wasn't going to cut it. She had to be where the action was to protect everyone.

They had at least secured a new way to communicate with Sam and Vasquez. The two weren't compromised, but their dead drops could've been. Besides, their new method was a bit more thought out and secure. A mixture of old school spy tricks and technology had to have been their best way to communicate with any of their moles yet (though, Nikita and Alex teased Birkhoff that it wasn't as good as a Shell program). Sam and Vasquez could share intel easier and faster, and the team could keep them better informed on what was occurring on their side of things. Utilizing the method as soon as possible, they were able to gain some viable intel for their rescue mission. It still wasn't enough to satisfy Nikita, however.

Getting substantial information on Kyle wasn't difficult. With the Connellys and Shadowbot, most of the recon was done for the team. It was knowing where he could've been held that was challenging. Unlike Gogol and Division, the bastards didn't have a permanent base of operations. They floated around; often sticking to an isolated location for their 'headquarters'. Sam and Vasquez continued to be in the dark about HQ's location. Apparently, most agents were brought in through a tunnel system so no one could follow them. They also hadn't heard of Kyle's abduction. But they did know of warehouses the bastards were staking out, yet would only let certain agents near. That was the team's best bet in searching for the captive.

The nerds' systems weren't one hundred percent again- there were a few bugs remaining that had to be shaken off. So narrowing down a warehouse took more time than they would've liked. Nikita thought that a lot of things they were doing took too much time. Information and intel were coming in at such a slow pace. Despite all of their resources to tap from, it felt as though they had barely made a dent in that crusade. Sure they had stopped some missions, and saved some people. But the bastards continued to hold strong. They seemed to have been going nowhere.

At the same time, however, events kept happening too fast. The second the team had a chance to breathe, something else came along to throw them for a loop. They were running around, putting out fires without an end in sight. There was still the bastards' money trail to nail down, identities of agents and their leaders to discover, and the organization's main goal to figure out. Yet they had been swept up by countermissions and lives to save. Although those were just as important, there was a feeling that they were losing time. They couldn't have that crusade last forever. They needed to end things.

No one said anything out loud about it, but the same clock was counting down in their heads; they had thirty-one weeks, give or take. In roughly eight months, the team wouldn't be able to make as many moves against the bastards- not with a baby to take care of. Things were already changing with the switch in roles and partnerships. It had the possibility of becoming much more drastic. They tried not to be so negative and anxious. Overall, Michael and Nikita having a baby was a cause for celebration. Their family was going to be added to in such a wonderful way. However, her pregnancy could not have come at a worse time.

During lighter moments, Birkhoff teased Michael about it (he was three for three, after all). But the team tried not to dwell too much on the pregnancy. If they stayed focused on the bastards, then maybe everything would fall into place. That was a bit more difficult for Nikita and Michael, though. The couple was ever so conscious of the pregnancy, her symptoms, all the changes they had to adapt to, and the millions of things that were still left to do. Juggling both a crusade and that was starting to eat away at them. They told themselves they had time to prepare for the baby, and they didn't have to worry their family. Except the time crunch on destroying the bastards was hard to ignore.

To Nikita, everything was hard to ignore. She was considering every little thing, and it was driving her insane. First and foremost, the team was stretched thin. Michael and Alex had benched her, so they were the only two out on missions. Either Sonya or Birkhoff could go with them, yet with Spyder in the mix they were working full time on hacks. The team couldn't lose Sam or Vasquez as a mole, they were too vital. Cyrus was still busy with whatever he was doing, but he swore he'd join them soon. And no one else had replied to Michael's message for a job opportunity. The team was once against trying to do everything on their own.

Maybe it wasn't as bad as Nikita's stress was making it. After all, no one was alone. The team had each other. And they had been able to support one another through their recent struggles. Bob and Carol Connelly have also been surprisingly great. There were moments where the team had to calm their neighbors down, but otherwise they were kind of great to have around. The two provided food and relaxation techniques; they even gave Michael and Nikita some advice on risky pregnancies. Sometimes, it was a little too much. Yet their normalcy was its own kind of bright light.

Barkhoff was light and fun as well. His love for attention, games, walks, and pets gave the team lots of worthwhile breaks. They should've gotten a dog a long time ago. He was great for distractions and stress relief. And he reminded him that it was alright to take a moment and breathe at times. The team couldn't run themselves ragged. They had to take care of themselves and each other. Their determination and drive (or stubbornness, depending on the day) could only get them so far. If they didn't stop to rest, they were going to destroy themselves before the bastards ever could. Work had to cede to rest sometimes.

But Nikita couldn't rest. Pacing the living room, she stared at her computer screen. Michael and Alex rolled out on Kyle's rescue mission not that long ago. The Connellys fed the bastards some cover, and Sam and Vasquez were made aware of any countermeasures they had to partake in. The team planned extensively for the op. After narrowing down potential locations Kyle could've been held in to one, they prepared over and over for their next move. There could be no room for errors. It had to be as close to perfect as possible.

With Nikita running the op, it should be. The team had faith in her abilities as a leader and commander. She had her anxieties, though she was pushing through them. She had to overcome them for her team. Michael and Alex were relying on her to see them through. And the nerds would need her directions while they were consumed with hacks- Birkhoff more so than Sonya. Whereas he was taking point on computer systems, she was to provide backup. It gave her some time to continuously run leads on the bastards' banks and agents. Fortunately, they had that flashdrive they acquired on their last mission. It should've been able to help them out.

Just as Birkhoff and Sonya had set up an alert for whenever the bug Michael had planted picked up keywords, the flashdrive was programmed the same. Shadowbot processed the data on the drive, searching for specific words, phrases, and images. Careful of Spyder and fearful of missing anything, the program ran a bit slower than normal. They hadn't gotten any new intel yet, but by adding more keywords to scan for they were hopeful. Hope and determination were practically driving the team forward by that point. It was all they could hold onto.

Nikita knew all of what they accomplished, the steps they were taking in the right direction, and all the support she had. However, her anxiousness was nearly overwhelming. She didn't like the lack of control she felt running the mission from the beach house. She had no idea how Michael had done it all those years inside Division; though, she could remember some instances of him rushing out into the field to specifically join her. She just had to adjust. More changes than that one lied ahead of her. She needed to focus on the bigger picture and press forward. At least her family was at her back. And with their help, she could hold to the hopeful idea that success was in their near future.