One more ... enjoy!
M.
Chapter 57
Friday, August 3, 2012
She squared her shoulders before she left the bathroom. For the untrained eye, she looked exactly like she should. Like a badass Full bird Colonel, on her way to meeting her Commander-in-Chief. However, the guilt was threatening to drown her with every single step. Adding to the ever-growing sense of not being worthy of such advancement in a career she'd been forced away from for eleven years, four months and twenty days.
Wondering if there was anyone out there that knew four thousand one hundred sixty days felt like. If there was anyone else out there, that would figure out that she'd come back. That she'd fought her way back, out of a love she wasn't sure she deserved anymore.
Taking a deep breath, she walked back to the Oval Office. She could feel the stares of the White House personnel as she passed by. As if they all knew what a lie she was. Sam wondered if anyone had any idea that less than a few hours wearing a uniform that didn't feel like hers, only served to add a great deal of self-hatred to her already belittled self-esteem.
Valery smiled at her as she walked to the door and nodded to let her know she could just walk right in. Sam stretched both sides of her neck quickly, to try to get rid of some nervous tension that was threatening to engulf her whole. She opened the door.
Hayes's bright smile felt like a ton of bricks. For some reason, the man the people called Mr. President, her Commander-in-Chief, thought she was worth so much more than she thought she was. Sam was fully aware of how she didn't deserve the rank she was so blatantly sporting now. She was conscious of the fact that she didn't even deserve the rank before the one she was currently sporting.
In her mind, she didn't deserve the promotions or the awards they'd provided her with. She hadn't saved the world. She hadn't ended the millennia-long war. She hadn't helped the Asgard to get rid of replicators. Heck! There was a whole damn base in a different galaxy that deserved the rank much more than she did.
"Well, first things first then. Here," Hayes said, passing her an envelope. Sam's eyes widened when she took out an ID and dog tags. She took the latter ones first, safely tucking them inside her clothes. The weight of the tags brought some unexpected relief. "These are the ones for your child. Don't worry, I know about her only through Davis. I thought about asking you to bring her over, so I could shake her hand myself. But since you went to such great lengths to keep her out of everyone's knowledge. I decided it was best if I didn't."
"Thank you, sir."
"You will need to fix new ones when you settle down wherever you settle. These will work temporarily." Davis added.
"So, Colonel. I hope you don't mind, but they're waiting for us in the conference room. Davis can take the bag. He'll keep them safe for you. Isn't that right, Davis?"
Sam knew an order coming from her CO when she heard one. She passed the case to Davis and gave him a sorry-about-that smile. One that he promptly waved off. "Sir, would you need me at this?"
"I think you're the one with all the knowledge of the finer details, Davis. I just think they'd be more comfortable with you brining bags, suitcases, or something with you than they would if she has them. Let's go."
They walked towards the conference room. The knot in her stomach hit her full force when she noticed she was now in front of the new JCS. Reformed a few months ago thanks to her investigation. The men and women at the table had been thoroughly scrutinized for years and had come out clean. She gulped.
She was sure some of them would jump at the fakeness of her rank and call her a liar. Maybe even grant her a nice stay at Leavenworth for impersonating a military officer.
"At ease... at ease…" Hayes dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Can you believe it, Colonel Carter, it's been two months and they still stand when I come in?" She noticed the way Hayes mentioned her rank, with such ease.
"I can, sir," Sam answered as he seemed to be waiting for an answer.
"Nothing escapes you, does it?" Hayes asked. A glint of amusement showing in his eyes. He continued before Sam could even decide if she was supposed to answer that or not. "Ladies and Gentlemen… I believe we all know why we're here. Don't we?"
"Yes, sir," came from all around the table. Sam gulped. She didn't.
"Then, let's proceed."
"Sir, we analyzed your candidate. As you already were informed, we found nothing against your choice. We understand she already has a base knowledge of what's been going around that base. We understand she has more insight into what has been happening in our country than any of us had. The board of qualifications couldn't find a dent in her advancement. Despite her private life being pointed to several times during the several trials across the country, everything points to a clean career." One said.
"We do have some questions, sir."
"Shoot'em!"
"Colonel Carter, we understand you had a personal relationship with one General Johnathan Jack O'Neill." Sam clenched her jaw tightly. "According to our knowledge, it only lasted the week you were out of the USAF regulations. Is that correct?" Sam looked at Davis, then across the table.
"Yes, sir." She answered more firmly that she thought she would.
"Your new post will place you under his chain of command," she held her breath. Under his chain of command could mean the SGC, SGA, Alpha site, Beta site, any of the vessels, and many other places she wasn't sure she wanted to fit into. With her new rank and the fact that she still was a single parent, there were many places she wasn't sure she wanted to serve at. "Will you be able to keep the same level of respect and loyalty to the USAF as you did before your resignation and after your return?"
"Yes, sir."
"Will you be able to keep your personal life separated from your military life?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Will you be able to keep yourself from breaking any frat rules in regard to General O'Neill?" Sam frowned.
She wanted to shout at them that she hadn't seen the man for over ten damned years! That she hadn't kissed her husband since then! That he hadn't fuck her or even hold her close since that day when she was Vivian and she needed a break and both needed some comfort. That they hadn't made love since two days after they had gotten married. That she was more afraid that she wasn't the woman he loved, that he didn't want her any more than she was of breaking rules that didn't exist between them, because of the little piece of paper that was filed back in his hometown.
"Yes, ma'am." She answered instead.
"Is there anything at all, even something so small that could point to some type of benefits you got from knowing the General?"
She couldn't help the snort even if she'd tried. It was hilarious that they would be concerned about career advancements when she had nothing to do with any of his posts for so long. She wondered if she should've mentioned they were married, but Jack hadn't in any of the trials when he was exposed to their pictures. She hadn't either. Should she reveal their secret now?
"Colonel?" Her reticence to answer raised some concerns in the room.
Sam sighed. She'd better let the cat out of the bag now. In any case, she didn't even know if he would want to remain married to her after so long. He hadn't filed a divorce, but she was dead before so there was no need. For a few seconds, she considered if he would do that, knowing what she did. Knowing that even when he had picked up that escort out of sheer drunkenness, he had stayed faithful to her memory.
"How exactly will I be under his command?" She asked.
"Colonel… General Landry is retiring."
Landry? She frowned. The only Landry she knew was the CO at the SGC…. She couldn't fill that place, even with all her recently acquired rank.
"General Landry? As in the SGC CO?" she asked, anyway. There were a few nods around the table. "I don't understand what his retirement has to do with your questions. Or myself, for that matter."
"Colonel. We want you to take his position."
"But I'm not in the right rank to do that. There are far more deserving people than me." She said. "Half of the SGC should be considered before myself." They exchanged confused glances.
"Colonel, it comes with a new rank," Hayes smiled. "Besides, none of them have what it takes. They're great out there in close combat, or just in peaceful discoveries. The Colonels can manage their own teams and several others also… However, none of them know how to run a base."
"With all due respect, sir. Neither do I." The people around the table chuckled.
"With what you managed to achieve during all those years, bringing together private companies, rescuing people out of the clutches of the Trust. Saving them from lives off-world and under duress to steal and create what they've achieved here without needing much more than your lead. If doing all that along with the profound level of management that was required for all that, and to infiltrate all areas of the government with no help from the inside. All while hiding yourself… If you aren't ready to run a base, Colonel… Then we aren't fit to be sitting at this table either." One of them said, and the others nodded in agreement.
"I think we're pressuring the poor woman too much here," Hayes said. "Tell you what, Colonel. Now that you're finally alive, why don't you take a week of leave? Go visit your family and then you can tell us if you accept our proposal or not. We'll be truly devastated if you don't, though."
"Sir…" She looked at Hayes. "Sirs, ma'ams." Sam took a deep breath. "There's something I feel you should know first." As soon as her words were out, a loud silence took the room. "I think you ought to know that during that week we sustained more than a relationship. General O'Neill is my husband, at least as far as the law establishes."
"Whoa, I didn't see that coming," Hayes said. There was some mumbling going around as they spoke among each other before they all nodded.
"As I understand we weren't breaking the uniform code of military justice. He was the only USAF Officer, at that time," she said being thankful once more of Davis' forethought about making her retire. "I was and am also an officer. There was never a breach of the definition of Fraternization used in Court-Martial. He never affected my career. However, the position you're offering will be under his direct line of command. Even if he himself is outside that chain. It still means I'd report to him. However, I do believe there's no possible way that, if you keep the offer open, I would advance further in my career without a thorough revision of it."
"You are right, you aren't breaking the rules. I was a JAG. I can confirm what the Colonel said is true. However, we should at least take that into consideration for a bit longer."
"Colonel. Take those days off. We'll call you when they decide whether the offer still stands or not." Hayes said. "We won't take too long, but even if we seem to be doubting about it. Take some time to consider if you want to take this offer, so when they decide it's good. You can accept it quickly."
"I will. Thank you, sir." Sam nodded.
"Well, y'all are dismissed. Go figure this one out."
Soon it was only Paul and Sam inside the room. "Ready to go?" he asked. Sam nodded. They walked out of the White House in complete silence. Paul set his way to the same place they were before.
"Want to come in?" Sam asked hopefully. "I think I'd like some company, and maybe some explanations?"
"Sure." Paul was surprised when the house appeared to be empty. Sam just smiled knowingly. "They're waiting for me elsewhere. I guess the paranoia will follow me for a while." She shrugged. "Coffee?"
"That'd be great." She headed for the kitchen and took a deep breath, taking her chance to try to collect herself.
"Why me, Paul? Do you know that? Why did they rank-me up?"
"Because you deserved it, Sam. I told you, it was all done properly. Your name was given to the board of qualifications. They approved your promotion. Granted, they didn't publish it, but that was at our request."
"I would believe that. If the Lt. Colonel had happened after I called you, to let you know."
"I hoped you wouldn't notice," he grimaced. "I had to recall the board. Told them I'd found out a file in the 2004 promotions list they had missed. Your file. They looked at me as if I'd lost my head. She's dead, they all said. I told them you weren't. That you were undercover and couldn't come out from where you were. When I explained what I thought you were managing, you know, with what little Jordan gave away when we interrogated him… Well, they thought you were doing things above your pay grade and decided to promote you. Since your name didn't come up until we pointed it to them, and you weren't collecting payment anyway… They agreed to draw up the documents for that date."
"Hum. I…" she didn't know what she wanted to say. What she really wanted was to get under the shower and cry, because of all her mixed feelings.
"I… I had no idea that you and General O'Neill…" he started. Sam clenched her jaw.
"No one does. We got married two days before I was placed into WITSEC. In a small little town that still used paper as their file system." She sighed.
"I bet you're ecstatic about seeing him again."
Ecstatic? She thought. She was scared, terrified even. Especially now that she was alive, that their wedding certificate was still valid. Now that she'd been upped some ranks without deserving them. Now that she had to tell him they had a daughter he knew nothing about. Not when the moment she saw him, she'd feel like life had been robbed from them. That they'd lost so much, that they'd changed so much… That the only logical thing to do was split, anyway.
"Yeah," she said instead.
