Happy belated Thanksgiving, folks~ I may not appreciate the propaganda behind the holiday, but I like the idea of being thankful for the blessings in your life.
Warnings: hospital settings, angst, violence, possible inaccurate portrayal of injuries, references to past addiction, existential and spiritual crisis, vague references to "The Big Game," "Revelations," and "Haunted"
P.S I don't own Alvin and the Chipmunks. Please don't sue me. I have nothing but my scattered thoughts and geeky t-shirts.
Consciousness hit Reid like a punch, and he jolted up with a gasp. Wires tugged at him from where they were injected into his arm.
"Whoa, Pretty Boy, calm down."
Reid looked to see Morgan sitting in a chair next to his bed. I'm in bed, with wires, which means I'm in a hospital, I'm alive.
That last thought managed to minimally relax him. "Morgan?"
His friend immediately embraced him. After a moment, Reid gently returned the hug, feeling safe for the first time in a long time.
"Thank god," Morgan muttered before pulling away. "Are you alright? Are you in any pain?"
Reid considered it and assessed himself. He was dressed in a hospital gown that covered the bandages he felt wrapped around his torso. His skin was stretched taut, indicating stitches, and his entire body felt sore. His face felt tender where he had been beaten by 'Charles.'
Tobias!
Reid's breathing hitched, and he instinctively attempted to sit up. Morgan put a stop to that with a hand gently pushing him down. "Easy, Reid. You're not supposed to get up-"
"Tobias," Reid gasped out. "What happened to Tobias?"
Morgan winced and looked away. Reid's heart initially raced, expecting the worst, before remembering Morgan's feelings about the other.
"He's in ICU," Morgan finally responded.
Reid's indignation melted when Morgan turned to him, expression pained. "He wasn't doing too good, Reid. When he was shot, the bullet went through his stomach and the acids caused some damage. And the knife punctured a lung."
Unbiddenly, Reid recalled all the blood, the sound of the gun going off, seeing Tobias collapsed and ashen as a knife stuck out of him-
He hadn't realized he was trying to get up again until Morgan pushed him down. "M-Morgan! I need to get to Tobias! I-I need to-"
"You need to stay in bed and focus on yourself," the man sternly replied. "Tobias is being taken care of. You won't be of any help to him if you open your stitches or pass out on your way to see him."
"But-"
"He'll be fine, Reid-"
"You just said he wasn't looking too good-"
"He wasn't when he was found," Morgan insisted, "but that was hours ago. I've been going back and forth between you, Hotch, and JJ, so I haven't been able to check on him. Once I'm sure you'll stay put, I'll ask about him."
Despite his initial skepticism, Reid noted the sincerity in his voice and nodded. "Thank you." Then he furrowed his brow. "JJ? She's here?" When Morgan nodded and grinned, Reid began tentatively smiling too. "She's alive?"
"Yeah, man, she is. She's fine. She's going to be sore for a while, but she'll be okay."
Relief surged through Reid like a tidal wave that knocked him back into his pillows. "She's alive," he murmured to himself. "B-But how? F-Foyet said…"
"He thought she was," Morgan confirmed. "From the way I heard it, Tobias lied that she had been killed, and JJ managed to flag down help. She lost a lot of blood and there's damage to her liver, but the doctors say she's going to be fine. Prentiss is with her right now."
"That's…That's amazing. I thought…Hotch thought…" Reid's eyes flashed and he looked to Morgan.
"Hotch is fine, too. Just…" Morgan sighed and sank lower into the chair. "It's a long story, but the shortened version of it is that we found him and Tobias, but then he took Tobias to go and save you. When we finally caught up, he looked a bit worse off than when we first found him, but he'll be fine too. He broke a few bones in his knuckles, but that's about the worst of it. I guess he was really swinging when he took on Foyet."
Reid vaguely remembered Hotch appearing out of nowhere and engaging Foyet in a fight while Reid tried to save Tobias. It took a bit of effort to search his hazy mind to remember that Hotch had gone after the Reaper when he tried to escape.
"And Foyet…?"
"Dead," Morgan firmly stated, jaw clenched. "He had gotten to a neighborhood and tried cutting through someone's backyard. He didn't count on there being dogs, and the dogs weren't too happy about him stomping through their territory. They ended up attacking and killing him."
Reid processed this with a racing mind and slightly agape mouth. "Foyet was killed by dogs?"
Morgan's responding snort was tinged with derision. "Yeah, it was…gruesome. They just…tore him apart. There wasn't much left when Rossi and I got there. We think one of them even started to eat him."
The image was sickening, and Reid had to swallow back bile. Morgan noticed and grimaced. "Shit, sorry, Reid." Then he grabbed a jug and a cup left on a small table nearby and poured him some water. "Here."
Reid accepted the cup gratefully and took a few careful sips. "Thanks." The slight pain that accompanied his movements reminded him of his injuries. "Um, Morgan? Am I, uh…what have they given me…?"
"Nothing too strong," Morgan reassured him. "They're aware of your medical history."
It was a nice way to reference his past addiction, and Reid found himself grateful.
Unfortunately, that reminded him of Tobias.
I hope he'll be alright.
Reid stored the statistics of his survival in the furthest corners of his mind and welcomed every available distraction to his frazzled mind.
A doctor soon arrived to check on him and explain his injuries and recovery process. Reid had made his conclusions beforehand and asked about JJ, Hotch, and Tobias instead. He learned that JJ was a few rooms away. She was resting and eager to see him. The doctor promised to bring her over later.
The moment Hotchner had his hand wrapped up, he left his hospital room to check on his team and was currently making phone calls to Quantico with Rossi. Despite the doctor's exasperation, Reid gathered that Hotch was okay to walk around despite everyone preferring he'd rest.
News on Tobias wasn't as fortunate. Apparently, he and the profilers had been brought to the hospital nearly fourteen hours ago, and Tobias had gotten out of surgery barely an hour ago. As Morgan said, he was currently in ICU being monitored. The puncture in his lung made it difficult to breathe, so he was hooked up to an oxygen machine. The damage to his internal organs weren't life-threatening, but complicated his overall condition.
The news, though expected, was depressing, and Reid begged that the doctor keep him updated.
Not long after, Rossi and Hotchner came to visit him. Rossi clasped his shoulder in familiarity and managed to scrounge up some Jell-O for him. Hotch then took a moment to clear up a few things.
"As it turns out, the police were there because the officer guarding the shack, Cody Smith, was under strict orders to report to his superior every hour. Failure to do so meant reinforcements were sent out immediately. Apparently, Foyet had killed him before he was supposed to report in, and two police officers went to investigate."
"Rossi and I were told by the assistant chief not too long after," Morgan added. "We put two-and-two together."
"Reid." The profiler looked back to Hotchner and saw that his was face was tight and stormy. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you and Tobias behind. Even if help was on the way, I should've stayed with you and made sure that you were alright."
"Hotch-"
"No. Foyet would've been caught one way or another, but I chose him over you. That wasn't right of me. I understand if you don't want to forgive me-"
"Hotch," Reid firmly interrupted. "You did what you had to do. I'm not going to fault you for that."
And truly, Reid felt no ill will towards his friend and former unit chief. Though there were many things he wished he could change (the many lives lost were bound to haunt him), he was glad that Hotch went after Foyet.
"But Reid-"
"He'd still be out there if you hadn't gone after him. Your family would still be in danger and more people would've been killed." Hotchner's eyes seemed to harden in agreement. "It's okay, Hotch. Foyet's been stopped, and that's what matters."
"Not at the expense of your life," Hotchner insisted.
"The police were already there. They knew what they were doing and managed to save me and Tobias, like you knew they would. I have no doubt that you would've let Foyet go if help wasn't on the way." When he still seemed unconvinced, Reid added, "Things worked out, Hotch. We're fine, we're going to be fine."
It was clear that this was going to be something Hotch needed to come to terms with himself, yet he seemed to accept that Reid wasn't angry with him.
Soon, the doctor shooed him and Rossi out, so that Prentiss and JJ could come in. JJ seemed exhausted and fragile and had to be escorted in on a wheelchair, but her tired smile was bright and genuine. Morgan helped Reid sit up so Prentiss could hug him first and then he leaned over to reach JJ. She met him halfway, and they awkwardly yet tightly embraced one another.
It took time for each of them to reassure the other and to speak past the lumps in their throats. According to JJ, she had been rescued by Assistant Chief Rodriguez and woke up in the hospital hours later. Prentiss had remained by her side, updating her on everything that she's missed.
She had called Will and Henry, who were on a plane to see her already, and had spoken to Garcia when their tech was available.
"She's going to want to speak with you soon," JJ mused. "Although I wouldn't be surprised if she's on a plane here already."
"I can't wait to see her, Will, and Henry," Reid stated genuinely.
"When he wakes up," JJ said, and Reid knew who she was talking about. "I'm going to see him. I owe him my life."
It had taken some time before anyone realized what Tobias had done. When he was initially rescued, Hotch had explained how Foyet had gloated about killing JJ, but that Tobias reassured him that that wasn't the case—that he lied and acted devastated, hopeful that Foyet would believe him and that JJ still being alive meant that she had a chance.
Although luck and JJ's perseverance had a hand in her survival, it was Tobias making that chance possible that made all the difference.
Eventually, the doctor and some nurses came in take JJ back to her bed. She and Prentiss said their good-byes and left. Then one of the nurses, a kind woman who introduced herself as Brenda, informed Reid that he couldn't eat solid foods yet, but that Jell-O, popsicles, and pudding were okay.
"If you don't experience any complications within these next few days, we'll be able to give you soup, rice, and mashed potatoes. Soft foods, you know."
After she arranged the needle that fed him (Reid tried to ignore his discomfort at seeing so many needles within him), she reassured him that she was going to be one of the primary nurses on duty.
When Reid asked her to keep him posted on JJ and Tobias, he received a surprising response.
"Believe it or not, this isn't the first time Tobias has been at this hospital. I was his nurse when he was brought here years ago."
Reid and Morgan exchanged surprised glances. "Really?"
"Yes. He was such a kind man. He warned me about his 'father' and 'the archangel' and was nothing but polite to me." Her mouth twisted into a frown. "I thought about him from time to time once he was discharged and hoped he was happy where they put him. His condition's not his fault and made him do those terrible things. I felt so bad for him. I do hope he makes it through."
"Have you ever met any of his personalities?" Morgan asked.
"Just once. The archangel appeared when I was checking in on him. It was a bit startling, but he didn't do anything to me. Just began preaching my 'womanly duties' to me and insisted that I follow them. I wrote down the Bible verses to placate him until the doctors came in with a sedative. I didn't think it was necessary since he wasn't violent, but the rules are what they are."
"They're going to sedate him when he wakes up, aren't they," Reid murmured.
Nurse Brenda winced. "It's policy for someone as violent as him. Well…as violent as his personalities are. We can't do too much though because of his current physical condition."
"Are you authorized to check in on him?" Morgan inquired.
"Yes, but I won't be his primary caretaker. My position mainly requires being here with the patients recovering and waiting to be discharged. I'm only really allowed in ICU when they really need the extra set of hands. But I do intend to check on him when I can, and I'd like to see him when he wakes up. I'm not sure if he'll remember me, but it can't hurt to have a friendly face around."
Reid expressed his gratitude with a smile. "Thank you. Hospitals could use more people like you."
Nurse Brenda blushed, shyly laughed, and waved him off. "Kindness should always be part of the job description. Well, anyways, let me know if you need anything else." After she was thanked, she left.
And throughout the entire time, Morgan refused to leave his side.
"You can go back to the hotel and rest," Reid stated. "You and the team need some rest. The doctors will call if anything changes."
"I doubt any of us are leaving any time soon, Pretty Boy. Hotch won't even sat in a damn chair, let alone lay down on a bed, and Prentiss and Rossi refuse to budge." He offered a tired grin. "Face it, Reid, none of us are leaving any time soon."
"Well, don't give the hospital a hard time when they decide to kick you out."
"I'd like to see them try." The two shared soft laughs before they settled in a comfortable silence, the only sound being the game show on TV.
Eventually, however, Morgan cleared his throat. "Reid-"
"I'm sorry, Derek," Reid interjected. "I'm so sorry about that fight we got into. I was being immature, and I should've kept my temper-"
"Nah, man, I'm sorry. I've been acting like an ass for some time now, and I let my anger get in the way of so many things. No matter how I felt, I should've compartmentalized for the sake of the team and should have not let it get in the way of us, man. You're my best friend, and I should've trusted you from the start."
"I should've been honest from the start. I didn't tell you or the team about Tobias not because I didn't trust you, but I was afraid of what would happen. I didn't expect him and I to become friends. I just wanted closure, and we ended up bonding. A part of me felt bad for him and his circumstances, but I got to know him and grew to genuinely like him. It was hard for me to come to terms to and when I did, I wasn't even sure where to begin if I had told you or the team."
"I wish you had told us," Morgan admitted. "But I can see why you didn't. None of us reacted well, least of all me. I…I just didn't understand how you could be friends with the guy who drugged and tortured you for two days. He almost killed you."
"No," Reid insisted, "the altered persona of his father did those things to me. The real Tobias saved my life. He brought me back from the dead."
Morgan winced at the reminder and slowly nodded. "Yeah. I guess you're right. It's…hard to remember that our Unsubs are people too, sometimes. If Tobias was as evil as I thought he was, he wouldn't have done all he did to try and stop Foyet. Hell, he saved JJ's life."
Reid softly chuckled. "He's come a long way since we first met." Then he grew somber. "This whole thing was a mess. I don't regret becoming friends with Tobias, but I wish I had handled things better."
"You and me both. Nothing we can change about it now, though. The best thing we can do is move forward and learn from this. Reid, you're my best friend and I'm always going to look out for you. I don't want that to change because of some stupid fight."
"Me neither. You're my best friend too, Derek, so I promise I won't keep anything from you, or the team, again."
Morgan softly smiled. "Hey man, you have a right to your own business—tell what you're comfortable with. Just check in on us if you plan on making friends with any of our other Unsubs. I'll try and hold my temper."
Reid returned the smile. "Deal."
The comfortable silence returned as the two enjoyed each other's presence and idly watched the game show.
Eventually, however, Morgan stated, "Strauss isn't going to allow you to see or write to him anymore."
He had said it gently and with sympathy. Nevertheless, it was something Reid had known since the team initially found out and had remained in the back of his mind since. Now that it was back in the front lines, Reid felt the weight of reality settle in.
"I know," he said after a beat. "I think my biggest concern though is if Foyet has made him a contender for the death penalty."
Morgan winced and rubbed the back of his head. "I hadn't even really thought of that."
"Foyet had brought it to my attention."
Morgan snorted. "Of course he did. Well, look, it's not a for sure thing. He still has to undergo a trial, and the jury has to be unanimous. You, me, and the team will do our damndest to ensure a fair trial, and that Tobias's disorder is taken under heavy consideration."
"We might not be considered reliable sources," Reid pointed out. "They'll see us as biased and too close to the case, especially me."
"We'll do what we can. But you should try not to worry about that now. We'll figure something out when the time comes. For now, you need to rest."
Objectively speaking, Reid knew he was right.
Subjectively speaking, Reid's mind was already conjuring up a defense for Tobias and coming up with a variety of scenarios and numerous plans that ensured his life.
And yet, his life was already on the line. Reid's eyes kept darting to his open door whenever a doctor or nurse walked by, imagining them rushing to Tobias because something had gone wrong.
Please, Tobias. Please pull through. Please be okay.
The void that surrounded Tobias was dark and silent. He briefly wondered if he was dead and tried to determine if he was in Heaven or Hell.
I must be in Hell. I don't deserve to go to Heaven.
And yet, if this was Hell, it wasn't anything like the Bible said. There was no fire, no lake of lava, no worm that never stopped eating, and no Satan to pass judgement on him.
For a long time in his life, Tobias wondered if he was already in Hell. Charles could've been Satan in disguise while Raphael was the guardian angel that acted as a reminder of why he wasn't worthy of Heaven and God's love.
It only took the events of recent years for him to realize that perhaps he didn't deserve all the heartache, loathing, and pain forced upon him—that God hadn't forsaken him for his sins.
And yes, Tobias has sinned, and his guilt was surely a form of punishment, but perhaps he didn't deserve everything Charles and Raphael put him through.
Granted, Tobias wasn't sure what he deserved, yet he knew in his heart that only God should make that decision.
What's going to happen to me now?
Tobias peered around the void until a soft glow caught his attention. A figure was approaching him, and he squinted through the light to try and determine who it was. When he ultimately recognized a pair of wings, a dark green robe, and a staff, his heart shuttered.
Raphael's expression was vacant as he assessed him. "Tobias."
The Georgian man swallowed. "Raphael."
"Have you no respect for one of the Lord's archangels, boy?!"
Tobias flinched and turned to see Charles. The man's dark eyes glared at him as he snarled, "Quit staring, boy, and close your damn mouth! And straighten up!"
Tobias's first instinct was to obey, but then he swallowed and looked between the two. "Do either of you have any idea where we are?"
"We're awaiting God's decision," Raphael replied. "He shall decide what's to become of us."
"But…But that doesn't explain where we are. Are we in Hell?"
"Does this look like Hell, boy?" Though he seemed merely annoyed now, Tobias kept an eye on Charles in case he became violent.
"We are on the planes of consciousness," Raphael tonelessly added. "We are neither dead nor living. Once God decides which is the fate best suited, then He will either receive us in Heaven, banish us to Hell, or grant us our life."
"I don't see why Hell would be an option for me," Charles growled. "I've done nothing but receive and follow His word." He glared at Tobias and pointed an accusing finger. "You have been defiant and unruly since the day you were born. At first, I could blame your whore mother, but you refused to accept the Lord into your heart even after she was not around to influence you. I'm ashamed to call you my flesh and blood."
A familiar dose of shame flared within Tobias, yet he swallowed it down and allowed indignation to take root. "My mother was good. She made mistakes, but she was good and did not deserve her fate. I tried my best to be a good son for you and for God. I may not have been perfect, but I-"
"You didn't try hard enough!" Charles snapped. "And it's because of you that we're even in this mess at all!"
"I…I didn't do anything wrong! It was you who fell for Foyet's lies and refused to see the truth about him!" Then Tobias pointed to Raphael. "And you're just as guilty of that! I warned you both, but you didn't listen to me! He betrayed you and tried to kill us!"
Charles roared and began menacingly approaching him. "You watch your mouth you ungrateful wretch!"
Tobias raised an arm to block the inevitable blow when Raphael's voice rang out. "Enough."
Both Hankel men looked to him. The archangel wasn't outwardly angry, yet the tight grip on his staff and stern expression spoke volumes.
"We have each made our mistakes." He looked to Charles. "It was wrong of you to trust Foyet and blindly follow him. You should've prayed to God for guidance and listened for His word."
Charles was outraged and snapped, "I did not blindly follow him! He said he was a servant of God!"
"And you believing his lies is what led us down a path of ruin and destruction."
"Don't you blame this whole mess on me!"
"I'm not. I'm merely pointing out your part." Then he turned to Tobias. "You may not have believed Foyet, but you're still to blame. Your association with Spencer Reid was the catalyst that led Foyet to us. In addition, you siding with one sinner over the other was not a solution. You should've tried harder and built a connection with God instead of relying on others."
For a moment, Tobias felt guilty. After all, Foyet likely would've never have known they existed if he and Spencer weren't friends.
But…But that's not fair. It was Foyet's decision to drag us into this mess. He should've left us alone.
"Foyet has lied to and betrayed us," Raphael continued, "and his retribution shall be decided by the Lord. God recognizes who has Him in their heart and shall decide in His infinite knowledge who is true and false. He was kind in granting us a second chance, but he may not be merciful to grant a third. I suggest the two of you take this time to compose your apology."
Charles grumbled yet mercifully fell silent.
Tobias, on the other hand, fell silent for different reasons. Raphael said we all messed up, but he didn't own up to anything. He fell for Foyet's lies too and went along with them. It's because of him that innocent people are dead.
Tobias couldn't help wondering if he'll soon be among them.
Years ago, Tobias used to pray for death. Now the thought was terrifying.
I-I…I'm not ready to go yet. It was a selfish thought, but Tobias couldn't help himself. Before Foyet showed up, Tobias could say that he was genuinely content for the first time in years. Having Spencer and Ben meant that he wasn't lonely anymore and having a routine at the institution gave him something to look forward to and fill his days.
Granted, Charles and Raphael were still around to berate him and fuel his self-loathing, but at least they weren't out terrorizing people. After all, it was never their place to administer "God's will."
This was something that Tobias had recently come to realize. Though he may not have agreed with Raphael's methods, Tobias believed that the archangel was justified as a servant of God. Watching with Foyet, however, brought upon the realization that Raphael was hypocritical and only followed the Lord's word when it suited him and blatantly ignoring it when it didn't.
If Raphael were a true servant of God, then he should've been able to see through Foyet's falsehoods. Also, why give him, a stranger, the right to pass judgement on sinners?
Raphael, arguably, had that authority as an archangel, yet shared that authority with a man who merely claimed he was a servant of God. As he allowed Foyet to take charge without question or evidence, Tobias came to realize just how flawed Raphael was.
Recalling the archangel's reaction to Deborah Henderson's necklace, Tobias studied him closely, wondering how many mistakes he's made and how many innocent lives paid for it.
Raphael met his eye and tilted his head. "There is something weighing on your heart."
With Charles's eyes on him as well, Tobias swallowed and asked, "Are you going to apologize to God, too?"
The faintest trace of surprise rippled through Raphael's expression as Charles snapped, "You dare insult the archangel a second time, boy?! It's blasphemy like this that'll send you straight to Hell!"
Tobias decided to ignore him as he awaited Raphael's response. The archangel remained quiet before eventually stating, "I was sent on this Earth to act on God's will. I will not apologize for following His word."
"Deborah Henderson and her husband were innocent," Tobias insisted. "In fact, many of the people you and Foyet killed had done nothing wrong."
"That's enough out of you, boy!"
Tobias didn't back down, even when Charles menacingly stepped forward. "Many people are dead because of you. Aren't you the least bit sorry for it?"
"If God intended these people to live," Raphael stated, "then they'd still be alive."
"That doesn't make what you did right! One of our commandments states that we shouldn't kill, and you broke it! You let Foyet kill so many people in the name of God, who he didn't even believe in! How could you let that happen?!"
"Boy, I told you to shut your mouth!" Tobias ducked under Charles's swinging arm and blocked the next blow. "I didn't raise you to disrespect the archangel!"
"Y-You didn't raise me at all! You beat me!"
"I tried to shape you into a God-fearing man!"
"The only person I feared was you! Instead of showing me love and protecting me, y-you…you tortured me! You burned me, beat me up, and always made me feel so bad about myself! How could you do that to me?! I'm your son!"
"You are no son of mine! Not after everything you've done and all the sins you committed!"
"You stopped being my father the moment you laid a hand on me!" Tobias's voice went from pleading to anger. "I…I can't believe I listened to you for so long! I let you manipulate and lie to me, and I helped you…both of you!" He threw a glance at Raphael. "Those are my only sins, and I intend to beg God for forgiveness! Then if I'm lucky enough to receive it, then I will never listen to either of you again!"
For the second time ever, Tobias managed to disconcert the archangel, yet this was the first time it was because of his actions.
Charles, of course, was outraged. "That's the Devil controlling your mouth, boy!" Tobias scurried back from his flailing fists, yet one managed to swipe him across the face. Before he could recover and protect himself, a strong hand seized his hair.
Charles's grip was as unforgiving as his voice, and he paid no mind to Tobias's pained whimpers. "You are a disgrace to our Lord and savior, and you're a disgrace to me! Don't forget one of the most important commandments, boy! Honor thy father!"
"I did everything to honor you!" Tobias gasped out as he attempted to twist free. "I did my best in school and listened to your every command! I stayed on the farm and worked hard and followed the Bible and took care of you when you got sick-"
Tobias cut himself off when an image assaulted him. He saw his father lying in bed, dying. His long dark hair was limp and full of grease, and his skin was deathly pale. Though his body was weak, his voice was strong when he demanded that Tobias kill him. He pleaded, however, that it was a sin to kill while Charles had argued that disobeying him was a sin as well. Indecision threatened to drown him, yet Tobias found himself grabbing his father's gun and aiming it at the man's forehead. Both Hankel men squeezed their eyes shut, one in relief and the other in horror, as Tobias shakily whispered a prayer and pulled the trigger.
The violent ring of a gunshot startled Tobias back into awareness. The memory was so vivid, as if he had just experienced it all over again, and yet he had somehow forgotten it. He felt the phantom touch of the gun's metal cooling his sweaty palms and its heavy weight matching the burden in his heart.
He remembered, just before he pulled the trigger, that the archangel appeared among his desperate praying and pleas. It was barely a glimpse that lasted a mere moment, but it was enough to give Tobias the strength he needed. When the deed was done, and Charles's blood soaked through his bed sheets, Tobias had sobbed out his apologies and alternated begging for forgiveness from Raphael and from God.
What happened after was a blur. There was a brief, hazy memory of Tobias finally lifting his father's dead body out of the house and placing it in one of the outdoor sheds, but he couldn't be too sure.
After all, if that were the case, how could he be here?
Tobias was breathing heavily now, heart racing as he looked to Charles. There was a gunshot wound in his forehead, a trickle of dried blood printed on his skin, and his eyes, though glassy and unseeing, were glaring at him. The man's skill was grey, corpse-like, and his jet-black hair was whitening.
With a sharp gasp, Tobias viciously ripped himself away from him and stumbled back. "Y-Y-You're dead?! B-But how…?"
"It was the one time you ever honored me, boy."
Charles's voice was loud yet straightforward, as if he were still alive.
But he shouldn't be, I shot him-
"The devils had finally gotten to me and had afflicted me with disease. You were a sniveling weakling when I told you to take me to God. You couldn't even do that right, since I'm now stuck with you, but I suppose it was God's will for me to keep you from continuing the sinful path you've chosen to follow."
Tobias was shaking now. His eyes kept flickering to his dead father and to the archangel, hoping one of them would have an explanation. This is impossible. I…I remember shooting him. H-He…He was dead, I remember now, but he's still here. How has he been able to follow me? I-Is he a spirit?!
That was the only option that made sense. Apparitions made appearances in the Bible, but Tobias wasn't sure if he believed in them.
However, how was it that Ben, Spencer, and everyone else was able to see and speak with him?
And what of the archangel?
Tobias never really questioned Raphael's presence. Charles had accepted him easily, eager to assist him in carrying out God's will, and had demanded he do the same. Being afraid of his father had Tobias quivering yet obedient. He followed the archangel's instructions, even when he decided to use his job to spy on people and punish them for their sins.
If Charles was truly dead, then what did that mean about Raphael? After all, it was no coincidence that the archangel appeared when Tobias had pulled the trigger and that he was here now.
Why did he stay for so long? Why didn't he take Charles to Heaven or Hell?
The Bible told the tales of angels sent from Heaven to help Jesus's disciples and other important figures. In most cases, they could be seen by anyone, though there were instances where bystanders were only able to distinguish bright flashes of light.
This explained why everyone was able to see him too, but why didn't Spencer, an atheist and natural skeptic, try to explain away Raphael?
Tobias whimpered, feeling it increasingly difficult to remain standing with each additional question.
"Didn't I already tell you to stand up straight, boy?!" Tobias desperately clung to Charles's anger, finding it grounding and familiar.
"How are you still alive?" Tobias somehow choked out. "I killed you."
Charles rolled his (dead) eyes and scoffed. "Weren't you paying attention, boy? I'm here to set you straight."
"Your father is tethered to you because you refuse to follow a path of righteousness." It was almost a relief to hear Raphael speak after being silent for so long. "He is unable to ascend to Heaven because of your sins."
Tobias found that difficult to believe and emitted a hysterical laugh that startled the others. "That doesn't make any sense! His choices were his own! If I did need proper guidance, then it wouldn't have been from him!"
Charles lashed out with a blow that knocked Tobias backwards. "Don't insult me, boy, and don't question the Lord's decision!"
"You are full of sin, Charles Hankel! You let anger and hatred consume you, and you have no respect for God's creations, including me! You are a terrible Christian and a despicable human being!"
Charles landed another blow, but caught Tobias before he fell by wrapping his hands around his neck. "I will dispel the Devil from you, boy, so that you never speak to me like this again! I'll rip out your tongue if I have to!"
Tobias was drunk on a heady mixture of panic and a sudden fit of madness, so he persevered despite the hateful hands choking him. "The god I've been taught in church is a loving, forgiving soul, so there's no way He'd ever send a devil like you to this earth. Satan must've sent you!"
Charles unleashed an enraged cry as he tightened his grip. "I will kill you for your blasphemy!"
"A real servant of God would not kill! None of Christ's followers would dare, nor would it ever cross their minds! None of them would dare lay a hand on their children or treat them the way you've treated me!"
"I am a servant of God! I was put here to preach His word! You and your thick skull never listened, and it's because of you that we're being punished like this! God may be forgiving, but I sure as hell am not!"
When Charles released one hand to hit him, Tobias caught the fist before it could land and drove his knee upward. As Charles grunted and loosened his grip, Tobias took the opportunity to wrench the remaining hand off him and shove him away.
He didn't think he pushed that hard, but it was enough to send the man toppling to the ground. Charles stared up at him in shock.
Tobias looked him directly in his dead, glassy eyes as he declared, "No more! I will not let you do this anymore! Enough is enough, you're finished!" Then he glared at Raphael. "You both are! No matter what happens, I will never let you hurt anyone ever again!"
The tense silence that followed was heavy and palpable in the void. Nevertheless, Tobias felt lighter than he had in his entire life.
Dear God, if you are merciful enough to give me another chance. I won't squander it. I promise. If you choose to let me live, then I'll do my best to ensure that these two won't bring about any more harm.
But if I die today, then I'll accept your decision. Just take care of Ben, Spencer, Ms. Jareau, and the other agents for me, please, and offer solace to the grieving families Raphael, Foyet, and Charles have broken.
Thank you.
It was nothing short of a miracle when Tobias finally woke up.
Reid had been restless for the better part of the day, anxious for any news. When evening hit and the hospital staff were trying to convince Derek and the others to leave and get rest, a voice over the speakers urgently requested that a Doctor Sanchez report to ICU right away. Somehow, Reid knew that that had to do with Tobias and had begged for information.
Unfortunately, no one would talk to him, and Morgan's efforts were in vain as well. The young profiler was prepared to leave the bed to check himself when Nurse Brenda entered the room with wide, teary eyes.
Reid's first thought was that the injuries were too severe, that they had lost him, yet was relieved when the nurse assured him that Tobias was still alive.
"He was strangling himself," Nurse Brenda shakily explained. "H-His vitals have been erratic these past couple of hours, but he was stable and that's all we needed. Then out of nowhere, his heartrate goes crazy and the next thing we know, he began choking himself. He wasn't even conscious and we tried to make him let go, but we couldn't do it. W-We…We were lucky that he stopped on his own, or I don't know what we could've done."
The woman had shaken her head, trying to compose herself. "I-I…We've never seen anything like it. Patients can twitch and groan when they're unconscious, but I've never seen one strangle themselves before. It was terrifying…especially since he never woke up during. He's still unconscious now. We have his arms strapped to the bed for the time being."
This piece of information was more or less soothing, but Reid remained disturbed.
"His father was strangling him," Reid told Morgan later. "That had to be what happened."
Morgan had shaken his head and pondered the feasibility of it before the staff finally conceded to him staying and gave him a blanket. Though Morgan had stayed up with him for a while, he eventually fell asleep and Reid was alone with his ever-racing thoughts.
When the morning nurse came with his breakfast, Reid was quick to ask about Tobias. This nurse wasn't comfortable with dispensing that information, so Reid had to ask his doctor. The man explained that there weren't any further incidents, and that Tobias had even stabilized during the night.
Reid was a bit more at ease throughout the morning and even convinced Morgan to go back to the hotel to shower. He only agreed when Prentiss agreed to watch over him. She mentioned that Will and Henry had arrived and were currently visiting JJ. Morgan said his hellos before leaving, managing to take Rossi with him.
Will eventually brought Henry over, and Reid allowed his grandson to crawl in his bed, away from his injuries, and sleep next to him.
"Jen's been keeping me posted on what's been going on," Will stated. "Sounds like you've all had one hell of a ride."
"Like you wouldn't believe," was Prentiss's tired response.
Will had, surprisingly, asked about Tobias. "Jen also told me what he did. I'd like to thank him myself."
Reid promised to let him know as soon as he could.
Morgan and Rossi came back far too soon for Reid's liking, yet was delighted when they came back with Garcia. The bubbly blonde was full of hugs and tears.
"You cannot just scare me like that, boy genius! I'm far too young for a heart attack, and you're far too adorkable to be having this many death experiences!"
Garcia stayed and fussed over him for a while before she fussed over everyone. Whereas no one could get Hotch to budge on getting some rest, the former unit chief was worn down by their tech analyst.
"Aaron Hotchner if you don't go to bed right this moment then I swear I'm going to set up a lifetime of spams for all your computers and I'm going to program every Alvin and the Chipmunks jingle for all your phones for the rest of your life!"
Reid genuinely couldn't tell if that did it or not, but he was glad when Aaron finally acquiesced; Prentiss even went with him. Morgan and Rossi took over "babysitting" Reid while Garcia and Will took Henry to JJ.
It was sometime after lunch when Nurse Brenda burst into the room.
"He's awake."
Reid nearly jumped out of bed at the news, but his stitches and Morgan prevented him. He was forced to remain in place for the next couple of hours, sporadically receiving news from Brenda. He was inexpressibly relieved to hear that Tobias was not only stable, but calm as well. Not once have any of the alters tried to break free or cause any trouble for the medical staff.
More than anything Reid wanted to see him, but the doctor reminded him that he needed some healing first and Tobias needed to be out of ICU before there would be any visits.
So, Reid waited. He ate non-solids until the doctor cleared him and relearned how to walk after being bedridden for so long. Despite his restlessness, Reid took it slow as to not reopen his stitches.
For the first week, Morgan and the others refused to leave him and JJ alone. Will and Henry, for the most part, remained with JJ every day with occasional visits to Reid while the team switched between their comrades. Morgan, however, remained a constant and really only left to visit JJ or to make or receive phone calls.
He mentioned that Strauss has been in touch and was furious.
"None of us are really surprised," Morgan stated with a wince. "Rossi and Hotch are taking the brunt of it, though. I think the only reason she hasn't come here herself is because she knows you and JJ need to heal first."
Reid knew that there would be consequences, yet he could admit to being surprised that they're barely occurring now. Once the team found out about his correspondence with Tobias, Reid was sure that he would be called to Strauss's office at any moment. As the days passed and she was nowhere to be seen, Reid grew less tense and more confused. He couldn't imagine the team, especially Morgan and Hotch, keeping this to themselves and wondered if maybe they thought they could handle it.
When Reid brought up his thoughts, Morgan wryly smiled. "Yeah, man, we didn't tell Strauss. None of us really wanted to despite protocol, so I made the call to not report it unless things got out of hand. I figured I'd take the fall if she ever found out. I have a feeling I won't be unit chief much longer anyways."
On the one hand, Reid was somewhat touched that the team had his back even then; on the other hand, it wasn't fair for Morgan to take the blame.
"When we get back, I'll deal with Strauss. You shouldn't get in trouble for my choices."
He and Morgan then debated for a bit over how they were going to deal with Strauss, yet eventually agreed that they'd tell the truth and then go from there.
"If anything, I'm more concerned for Hotch," Morgan admitted. "Going after Foyet without back-up and taking Tobias with him was…"
"Inappropriate," Reid offered.
"Ballsy," Morgan stated. "He broke a lot of rules."
"But he saved us."
"I know, man, but we both know that Strauss and the others aren't going to see it that way. I'm not even sure how I feel about it."
Even if Reid hadn't been the one that needed rescuing, he could understand Morgan's ambivalence. Hotch had deliberately put himself in danger, which was unacceptable in and of itself.
Unfortunately, this wasn't out of character since the Unsub was Foyet and Hotch had done this before during the confrontation with Darrin Call and his father, Bill Jarvis, the Hollow Creek Killer.
Getting Tobias directly involved, however, did not sit well with him. Reid could forgive Hotch for leaving him and Tobias behind to chase after Foyet, but taking Tobias along on what was obviously a revenge-fueled mission was unacceptable.
In fact, the only reason Reid hadn't reprimanded Hotch already is because taking Tobias had worked in their favor and because he knew that Strauss, Morgan, and the rest of the team had likely beaten him to the punch.
Reid figured that once things settled down and they had a better gauge on Tobias's condition, then he and Hotch would have a talk.
Every day, Reid asked for updates on Tobias. Nurse Brenda was kind to oblige and informed him that Tobias had been asking about him, too.
"It was one of the first things he asked. You and the other agents are all he asks about. Doesn't even seem all that concerned about himself."
There were so many things that Reid wanted to say to him. All of them buzzed in his head throughout the day he was told of Tobias regaining consciousness. It kept him up that night until he found another solution. He asked the night nurse for a piece of paper and pen and wrote a long letter.
The nurse was skeptical yet eventually obliged when Reid asked that the letter be delivered to Tobias.
He received a response a few days later. Tobias claimed that he was tired but well, and was more concerned about him, Hotch, and JJ. Soon, letters were exchanged between the two again. This time, however, Reid was upfront with the team. To his relief, there weren't any objections; just warnings that Strauss wouldn't be happy if she caught wind of it.
About a week after Tobias woke up, he had stabilized enough to be moved from ICU. With Morgan and a nurse's help, Reid was at his room within the hour. Reid was relieved to discover that Tobias was truthful and that he only appeared tired. His entire torso was wrapped up to protect his stitches, but color had returned to his face and clarity to his eyes.
The reunion was, admittedly, tearful that primarily consisted of apologies and reassurances. Although they weren't permitted to be alone, Morgan and the police officer hired to guard Tobias were kind enough to wait outside to offer a semblance of privacy.
Once both men were reassured of the other's health, Reid caught up Tobias on what happened.
Tobias had briefly paled at Foyet's fate. "S-So…he's dead?" When Reid nodded, Tobias took a moment to muse over this. "Good, it's finally over. All the people he's killed can finally rest in peace."
Before Reid could ask about 'Charles' and 'Raphael,' his doctor and some nurses arrived to usher him away, stating that both men need to rest.
"Don't you worry, though," Nurse Brenda had stated when Reid was safely back in bed. "You can visit him again tomorrow. We just don't want either of you to overexert yourselves."
Reid understood, despite his disappointment.
He later received a visit from JJ, Will, and Henry. As Henry played with Reid in bed, JJ and Will discussed visiting Tobias.
"I've been less tired and experiencing less pain," JJ explained. "Walking from place to place has been a lot easier."
"I keep telling her to rest, but she won't listen to me," Will quipped.
"Because I'm fine," JJ insisted. "The doctor mentioned that I've been making great progress and that I should be discharged within the next few days."
"JJ, that's great," Reid replied with a wide smile. "I'm glad that you're recovering all right."
"Me too. I can't wait to go home." She briefly turned her smile to Henry, who was crawling on Reid's legs and grabbing at the hospital blanket. "We plan on seeing Tobias soon, though. The doctor told me that I won't be able to today, but that I can tomorrow morning."
"If he receives her well, then me and Henry will be joining her." Will pressed closer to JJ's wheelchair while she leaned against his arm.
And that's just what they did.
When Reid went to visit Tobias the following day, the Georgian man flustered over the visit. Although he had been delighted and relieved to see JJ, her gratitude had embarrassed him. Meeting Will had been nerve-wracking, despite the other man's friendliness.
"Henry was so beautiful," Tobias commented with a soft smile. "I forget how much of a blessing children are."
Apparently, JJ and Will were even comfortable enough to let Tobias hold the baby. "I-I mean, he had to stay off of me because of my stitches, but the little guy seemed to like me alright. He kept touching my beard and trying to climb on top of my head. He even stuck one of my hands in his mouth at one point."
It was wonderful seeing Tobias at ease and to have him receive the praise he clearly deserved. The team appeared to be warming up to him and viewing him as the victim of circumstance he is rather than the monster they believed him to be.
Reid could only hope that they kept this perspective when Strauss asked for their reports.
He knew that they were all going to be under fire for their actions, him and Hotch especially, and that his days with Tobias were numbered.
When he finally mustered the courage to bring this up to Tobias, the man was already aware.
"Agent Hotchner had mentioned this before when we were about to be rescued. Before Foyet had showed up, I had already figured I would never hear from you again. I…I didn't like it, but I knew there wasn't much I could do about it. I'm…I'm doing my best to make my peace with it, but it's hard, especially since I'm not even sure if I'll get to see Ben again."
Tobias didn't have to say it, but Reid knew that he was also worried that he won't be institutionalized and that he'll receive capital punishment instead. Although both were well aware of the possibility, neither mentioned it.
"I'll do what I can."
"Okay, I trust you. What should I do in the meantime?"
"Rest and get better. Don't talk to anyone until you're well enough. When the time comes, just tell the truth." Reid hesitated before asking, "Have you heard anything from Charles or Raphael?"
Nurse Brenda and even the police officer reported that neither of the alters had appeared so far. As a result, Tobias wasn't strapped down anymore. Nevertheless, the officer stated that he'd be handcuffed once he was well enough to attempt an escape.
Reid knew that Tobias wouldn't dare, but he could imagine 'Charles' or 'Raphael' trying. The fact that both were MIA was both relieving and suspicious.
Tobias had suddenly grown uncomfortable and replied, "I haven't seen either of them. I hear the archangel whisper things to me in the middle of the night sometimes. Once in a while I think I hear Charles too, but I just ignore it."
This struck Reid as odd. "But…But you haven't seen either of them?"
Reid grew worried when Tobias remained quiet for a while. When he eventually did speak, he said something unexpected.
"Spencer…did you know that I killed my father?"
Yes, Reid knew this, but he was surprised that Tobias knew. The conflict and sheer trauma of his actions gave birth to his alters, yet as far as Tobias was aware, his father still alive.
Since Tobias's question wasn't rhetorical, Reid answered honestly. "Yes."
Tobias wasn't hurt or angry and merely asked, "How come you never told me?"
"…I wasn't sure if you'd believe me."
"Yeah, I probably wouldn't have. Was he a ghost?"
"Not exactly." Reid hesitated, wondering if telling Tobias the truth was the right thing to do since he knew nothing of the psychological repercussions.
Tobias, however, seemed to come to his own conclusions and emitted a shuddery breath. "They weren't real, were they?"
"They were," Reid immediately insisted. "Just…Just not in a traditional sense."
It was Tobias's pleading eyes, desperate for understanding, that had Reid caving. "Tobias…have you ever heard of Dissociative Personality Disorder?"
Reid then explained the disorder. He did his best to keep the explanation clear and concise and took extra care to be gentle when relating it to Tobias. His friend asked a few questions for clarification, yet otherwise remained quiet.
Neither were sure what to say when Reid had finished.
Tobias eventually interrupted Reid's racing thoughts that centered around getting Tobias set up with a proper psychiatrist.
"I thought I had died." Tobias's gaze was faraway as he spoke, so Reid refrained from speaking. "B-Before I had woken up here, I really thought I was dead. The archangel said that we were on the 'planes of consciousness,' whatever that meant. He said that we were awaiting God's decision."
Tobias looked at his bandages. "I figured after everything's that happened, that God would decide to punish us and send us to Hell. Charles was…dead-set on believing he would be saved and that everything was my fault. I know now that it wasn't and told him as such." A mirthless, breathy chuckle. "He didn't take too kindly to that.
"The next thing I know, I-I'm…remembering. I remember him getting sick a-and how he asked me to…" Tobias closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. "I…I can't believe that I could ever forget that. H-How could anyone forget killing their own father?"
"The human brain is very powerful and very complex," Reid replied. "Whenever we experience trauma, it begins trying to help us through it. For some, that means nightmares. For others, their mind helps them deny the event to a point where the person wonders if it even happened. Some people even block out their trauma entirely because they just can't deal with it. It's different for everyone."
"But I killed my father! H-He may not have treated me well, b-but how could I even consider-"
"Don't forget he asked you to. Even though your relationship with your father was complicated, you still loved him deep down. He was your only family after your mother left. You're also a good person, Tobias, it wasn't a decision you could take lightly. You did what you thought was right, but the discord and guilt was too much. Your mind did what it had to do so that you could cope."
Tobias's expression twisted with misery. "So, if I had just been stronger or if I would've been smart enough to get away sooner, then none of this would've happened."
"No," Reid firmly insisted. "It could've happened to anyone living your circumstances. What your father did was wrong, but you cannot blame yourself for it. Charles needed help, but that's no excuse for how he treated you. Who knows what could've happened if you had run away; you could've ended up worse off."
Tobias seemed skeptical, yet Reid forwent listing the statistics of child kidnapping, homelessness, and human trafficking. Instead, he focused on the now and what will be.
"Tobias, there's no telling what could've happened if things had gone differently, but you can't beat yourself up for it. Dissociative Identity Disorder is controversial and still highly misunderstood, but there are still resources to help you. I'm going to find a specialist who can help you understand this disorder and who you can trust and talk to. They might even be able to prescribe you medication so that you can have quality mental health and live your life to the best of your abilities.
"I wish I could tell you that Charles and Raphael will go away, but I promise that things will get better with proper treatment. I'm angry that the institution only offered you the most basic of care when they should've at least had a psychologist for you. But things will be better this time around. I'm going to do my best to ensure that things change for you, Ben, and the other patients. It won't be like before, and this time you'll have a specialist to help you understand your personalities."
At Tobias's miniscule wince, Reid added, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about them before, and I'm sorry I didn't realize how incompetent the institution was sooner. It should've occurred to me to ask you if you were receiving professional help."
"I didn't even realize that was something that could be offered to me," Tobias admitted. "I didn't even know that there was such thing as counseling until my NA meetings. A-And even then…well, Charles didn't even believe in seeing a regular doctor…"
Reid added general practitioner to the increasingly long list of things Tobias was going to need access to.
"D-Don't blame yourself, Spencer, please. You…You did more than enough by talking to me and caring about me. I appreciate all you want to do for me, too. Hopefully, I can get some help f-for my…for my personalities…"
"You will. The institution is going to be under a lot of fire for how easily it was for Foyet to sneak in. They'll have no choice but to make changes."
"…You really think so?"
"I know so. It only makes sense, and it's known to happen time and time again. When establishments are put under the microscope for perceived or real incidents, then the establishment tends to do a lot of damage control to save their own reputation. You can ask JJ about it; she knows how the media is."
The resigned, despairing look in Tobias's eyes was beginning to give way to hope, to Reid's relief. "Well, that's good. I can't exactly complain about how things were before, b-but if someone could help me with Char-um, my personalities, then that'd be great."
"Treatment is going to make things a lot better. I promise."
Tobias's smile was small and tentative but genuine as he reaffirmed, "Okay. I trust you, Spencer."
Reid wasn't one for optimism. He liked relying on the facts of a case and going from there, taking a realistic approach. He knew that the world was often cruel and unfair, but he also knew how good it could be, too.
Realistically, he knew that the chances of things working out in their favor wasn't as high as the opposite, that they had too much against them, but he intended to work with what he had and what he knew.
He'll make sure that Tobias had the second chance at life that he deserved.
Alrighty! Next chapter is the epilogue.
By the by, I conducted a bit of research on dissociative personality disorder since I shouldn't be relying on characters like Tobias Hankel or Kevin Wendell Crumb. It's fascinating how some patients are aware of their alters while others remain unaware.
Fun fact: writing Foyet's death? Easy peasy. Writing Tobias's mental confrontation with his alters? Piece of cake. Finding a way to end this story? *winces* Yeah, that took a lot out of me for something that shouldn't have been so hard.
