Sometimes you gotta make fun of your favorite game's antagonist and his life choices in between Whumptober.
These three were originally posted on tumblr on October 2 2020, October 4 2020, and November 12 2020 respectively.
1 and 3 have an implied sexual situations warning (but in a crack fic sort of way).
Stick to the Script and Other Stories
By Bilbo-sama
Its Dunk on Doloran Hours
1. Congrats I guess?
"Your Majesty," started Minister Petra, his bushy mustache wiggling in a manner that betrays his attempts to appear not nervous, "I still can't believe that this is possible."
"Neither do I," said Doloran tiredly. He has been experiencing this impossibility for four days so far.
"It's just…" the Minister peered down at the pale blue infant in his king's arms, "who would have thought that a Kingmaker can get pregnant?"
"And now we know," Doloran rocked the babe back in forth. The babe glowed in response.
"Is…is it supposed to do that?"
"I guess."
2. Flight of Courage
The Kingmaker's humanoid form looked especially radiant today.
Doloran suddenly felt nervous approaching her. She had better things to do than listen to his nervous rambling. Doloran had better things to do than ramble nervously.
But he had been working up the nerve to confess all week and to his eternal embarrassment, people have noticed.
Gods, it was like he was fifteen again and suddenly aware of what puberty was doing to him. His ability in public speaking suffered for awhile and he was too mortified to appear in public for a month.
In hindsight, maybe he was too young when he ascended to kingship.
No. This is doubt talking. He will confess to her today. He will do it!
Doloran continued to approach Alisandra when he noticed a bird perched by the window. Huh. That is a particularly fearless specimen, being inside the -
"Your Majesty!" called out Alisandra, "Look out!"
"Wh-" Doloran turned and collided with a pillar he failed to notice until now. He dropped to the floor, dazed. Immediately, servants, some castle guards, and the Kingmaker converged on the downed king.
"Your Majesty, are you alright?" asked the guard captain of this particular floor.
"Er," said Doloran as he rebooted.
"Your nose is bleeding, sire," someone pointed out. A handkerchief is passed over to Alisandra, who was closest to the King's head.
"You have my thanks," said Doloran on autopilot as the cloth pressed against his broken nose.
It would later turn out that the bird is another messenger hawk from the kingdom in the west continent asking for allyship in the war they just started. Again.
Doloran will have to speak the words from his heart to Alisandra some other time.
3. Succession Issues
"What?" gasped Tani (unknown).
"Are ye bleedin' kiddin' me?" rumbled Batu (three grandfathers ago).
"Unfortunately," sighed Leander (one grandfather ago), looking as exasperated as Doloran, "it's true. Somehow. In some unlikely fashion, we're all related to Doloran. However, I don't believe this extends to Lofty."
Everyone turned to look down at Lofty who grew a horrible grin.
"Um," tried Evan (great-grandparent on his mother's side) nervously.
"Well?" Bracken (two grandmothers ago) as she crossed her arms.
"How would you like to flippin' know?" Lofty challenged, his grin seemed to get larger.
Roland, who had the unfortunate honor of being soul mates with Doloran which probably trumps everyone else in the room, could feel his migraine getting larger and so he decided, "You know what? I don't want to know."
"A flippin' shame, mun."
1. I have no idea if this is possible or not but perhaps this delays the rise of the Horned One a little.
2. Months ago I reblogged a prompt list as a writing challenge and someone chose 'blood.' I'm pretty sure there was more to the prompt list but I can't remember which one it was and I can't find it anywhere and I can't find the ask with the prompt so I can't credit this to whoever gave me the prompt. This...technically fulfills it I guess. orz
3. Once in a while I get visited by plot bunnies for angst where Doloran once in a while realizes he's the last of his people so he sleeps around. This is, unfortunately, the comedy option. Maybe one day I'll do a serious version.
(Disclaimer: Because I'm a coward, Doloran is not Lofty's ancestor.)
