Crosshairs POV
I will never get used to watching Jayce or J.R. sleep and relaxed, then waking up terrified or panicking.
J.R. woke up, terrified. I feel her tremble as I sit on the bed and hug her. She told me her nightmare was about Jamie finding out about everything she and Jayce have been dealing with. How Jamie reacted the way we thought, blaming herself, then J.R.'s dream skipped to Jayce and Jamie dead.
You dreamt that, and you're not panicking?
This reaction doesn't mean J.R. isn't scared her dream will happen. She knows we're doing all we can to keep Jamie and Jayce safe. I can't tell if J.R. will no longer harm herself or might think suicide like Jayce.
J.R. starts crying as Drift walks in. Talking about her dream upset her, and I won't have her repeat what she told me. Drift knows that and will wait until later to ask what J.R.'s dream was about this time. I think Drift knows since he told J.R. how Jamie was overnight after seeing Jace.
"... she'll be ok, but you know I'm with her most of the time. I will know if she's more bothered by what she saw."
Damn, Drift, I can't believe you're lying. You told me your afraid you'll miss a sign Jamie is more troubled by what she saw. The door opens a little.
"Hey, J.R., are you awake yet?" Jayce asks in a low tone. However, Jayce didn't open the door enough even to see if J.R. is awake or not. Jayce wasn't expecting Drift to be the one opening the door. She had an expression as if she did something wrong. Drift took her hand and led her to bed. Jayce sat next to J.R.
J.R. told Jayce she's fine though Jayce asked why she went back to bed since it's strange for her to do that. J.R. wasn't sure how to answer, so I tried to change the subject by suggesting we go downstairs and get lunch.
J.R. waited for Jayce and Drift to leave.
"You're still afraid you'll throw up?" I asked.
She nods, "it's embarrassing,"
"You're over the infection, don't think you'll throw up."
I take her hand, and we go downstairs. I see either Drift or Jayce prepared J.R.'s lunch; a little bit of the takeout we got her last night.
"I wasn't sure if she's still throwing up," Jayce tells me once J.R. is eating.
"It's fine. Now, I want you to eat," I tell her. Drift and I both watched her get some food.
Finally, sorry if you feel forced, Jayce; you need to eat food even if the nutrition drink we have has everything a human needs.
Two hours later
With her poor sleep schedule, by two in the afternoon, Jayce is ready for a nap. Drift tells me Jamie is also sleeping. We both go to J.R.'s room. No way she's sleeping since she woke up two hours ago. She is lying in bed, on her stomach. It's clear she's in a depressed mood, but she won't tell us why.
Is she afraid she'll end up going through a panic attack or seizure?
Drift POV
I know J.R. is afraid to talk like Jayce, but it's important they tell us what's bothering them. We got her to tell us what's bothering her. She cried while telling us she's terrified Jayce will attempt to kill herself now that Jamie knows a little of what Jayce has been dealing with. Worried Jayce can't recover mentally.
"It's going to take time, but Bumblebee has a plan."
I tell her Bumblebee's idea. I want to ask her if she's thinking if killing herself again but she could tell me no and try again tomorrow. This is why we watch Jayce and J.R. closely.
J.R. is still crying; Crosshairs insists I go back to Jamie's room. I look in Jayce's room first, relieved she's still asleep. Bumblebee is with her, so I return to Jamie's room, lay on the bed, and move Jamie on me, trying to think positive, but it's getting harder to.
Fifteen minutes pass before Jamie is moaning in her sleep.
No, don't tell me she's going to be having nightmares like Jayce and J.R.
"Jamie, wake up," I say as I rub her back.
She wakes up, looks at me, and starts crying. I sit up with her on my lap, hugging her with one arm and rubbing her back with my other hand.
"Shh, it's ok," I assured her though I'm not sure what's scaring her.
"What happened?" I hear Crosshairs ask bed before sitting next to me on the bed.
"She had a nightmare," I sighed.
This might be the only one she has, but the thought that Jamie will now be like Jayce and J.R. concerns me. Crosshairs stayed though there's nothing he can do but watch and listen to Jamie cry.
"Jamie!" Crosshairs and I hear Jayce exclaim five minutes later as she runs into the room.
She crouches down and in front of me and takes Jamie's hand.
"Jamie, look at me," she says.
I'm not sure what Jayce wants to say, but o get Jamie to look at her.
"Why are you worried about me? I'm ok."
She wipes the tears from Jamie's eyes with her sleeve though Jamie is still crying. Crosshairs has Jayce leave the room.
Good, she's getting upset seeing Jamie cry.
I have to get her to calm down, though I wonder if she'll end up upset dealing with her family tonight?
Crosshairs POV
I took Jayce back to her room, Bumblebee is following us. He was standing at the doorway, watching Jayce and is probably thinking he caused this. The three of us sat on the bed, and I hugged Jayce.
"I terrified her, and now she'll be like J.R. and me," Jayce says before crying.
"Too soon to tell, Jayce, but everything will be ok," I assure her and move her onto my lap. A few minutes pass before Bumblebee suggests he takes Jayce for a drive. Time away from the base seems to help her when she's distraught. I stood in the hallway, waiting for Jamie and Drift while listening for J.R. to stir in her sleep.
Drift carries Jamie out of the room ten minutes later. She's quiet, resting her head on his shoulder, but tears still roll down her face.
"She has to go to the house soon," Drift sighed.
"They bitch she's an adult and should cook her own food but get pissed she's not at the house before dinner is even done. Bunch of assholes," I raged.
Jamie knows how much I'm not too fond of this.
"I'm going with her besides; I don't think she's going to let go yet."
I watched Drift head downstairs before going to sit in J.R.'s room.
Three hours later
Jayce POV
It's been a long time since we all sat on the couch and watched T.V. together. Jamie is still upset, sitting in Drift and leaning on him. I don't want to ruin the moment, so I'm trying not to think about what happened today and last night. I need to get away, but I'll upset Jamie if I run but if I can't keep myself from crying and she sees me crying, damn it. Next thing I know, I'm being carried upstairs.
Crosshairs sits on the bed with me on his lap, unable to say anything before I begin bawling. Crosshairs says nothing as he hugs me and moves in a slow rocking motion.
Crosshairs stayed quiet for five minutes as I cried. I can't stop either. He laid on the bed with me, lying on top of him, and started rubbing my back. I stopped crying ten minutes later.
Crosshairs POV
Either Jayce needed a good cry or something new is troubling her. Doubt she would have lasted long if I didn't take her to her room.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, moving in a slow rocking motion and listening to Jayce's breathing since her nose is clogged up with snot. I can stand up, still holding her, and get the box of tissues from the desk. I gave Jayce the tissues once I sat down. Should have grabbed the trash bin.
"Shh, it's ok."
Damn, she's doing terribly and is already having a hard time keeping herself from crying.
I'm able to text while hugging Jayce.
Crosshairs: Jayce is in a terrible mental state.
Drift: fuck, I don't know if I can step away from Jamie.
Crosshairs: I'll hold off trying to get her to tell me what is troubling her.
Doubt I can go down to the garage without Jamie noticing. We have found a car ride helps calm Jayce. At least I can do the second method for keeping her calm, moving in a slow rocking motion, and rubbing her back. I want to get her to tell Drift and me what's troubling her, but it's fine if she falls asleep before we can talk to her.
Maybe I should have her fall asleep.
I laid back in the bed, trying to get Jayce to lay next to me, but she tightened her hold on me.
"I'm not going anywhere. It'll be more comfortable laying on the bed than on me."
Jayce moves onto the bed next to me. I cover her with the blanket.
Crosshairs: take your time, Jayce will likely be asleep soon.
Drift: I'll come to her room once Jamie and J.R. are asleep.
Crosshairs: Jayce might be awake by then. You know if that's the case, she'll be going through a panic attack?
Drift: yes ️
I give Jayce her tablet to keep her distracted from whatever is troubling her.
I hope Bumblee's idea will work. That's our last option before letting Jayce tell Jamie and J.R. she has to stop going on adventures with them.
Three hours later
Jayce is asleep by nine. I didn't think she'd last as long as she did though she fought sleep for an hour.
I left the room as J.R. walked upstairs. She rushed to me once she saw me and hugged me. I got her to follow me to her room. Just as we enter, Drift walks out of Jamie's room. He walked into J.R.'s room and closed the door.
"What's wrong?" I asked J.R.
We are relieved there's nothing new troubling J.R., but she still had the same fears; Jayce will try to kill herself again, or Jayce can't recover mentally and will have to stop going on adventures.
I worry she's still thinking if trying to end her life first, and I know Drift is thinking the same. J.R. tells us she's not. Though she wouldn't lie to us, we're thinking in her mental state, and what we're asking, she might be lying, but there's no way to tell. I know she's afraid to sleep tonight after the dream she had today. Drift insists on staying until J.R. is asleep. He left to get the two sleep aid options we have.
"These keep you asleep all night," Drift says, showing J.R. the pills. She hesitates but takes the pills. Drift holds her and moves in a slow rocking motion.
Damn, she's getting worse mentally. I know others who don't understand the situation or the girls would say they're acting like children, but we know what they've been through, their old emotional Wounds and fear. Still, this hurts watching the pain they're in. Especially J.R., who would hide her emotions now, she's a wreck.
With Jamie and Jayce asleep, I go downstairs and sit on the couch, waiting for Drift.
Drift POV
J.R. is out within a half-hour. After laying her in bed and covering her with the blanket, I left the room and checked on the other two before having Bumblebee come down with me. Hound refused to leave Jayce alone even if it's just for ten minutes, even though I planned on sitting with her tonight.
"Then I'll leave when you come back. We can talk about what you have talked about with the others."
I'm not disturbing Cade if he's asleep. We'll tell him about Jayce and J.R. tomorrow.
I couldn't believe what Crosshairs told Bee and me.
"J.R. is getting worse; she's lying when she's telling us she doesn't want to try to end her life," I say in a sad tone.
"And if my idea doesn't work," Bumblebee trailed off.
"Add whatever is bothering Jayce. I don't think it's just how Jamie watched her have a seizure," Crosshairs sighed.
No one said a word as we all tried to figure out what else we can do if Bumblee's idea doesn't work. We might have to stop delaying the inevitable. I just can't hurt Jamie more than she's hurt now.
"Drift, you know none of us want to think that way, but we might have to," Crosshairs tells me, sadness in his voice, "you know J.R. is struggling with the idea."
With nothing else to say, the three of us go upstairs. Bumblebee goes to Jamie's room as Crosshairs, and I go to Jayce's room, tell Hound about our brief discussion before having him stay with J.R.
"Odd Bee didn't tell you to stay downstairs after our conversation," Crosshairs observes.
"Even if he told me, I'd refuse."
An hour passed before Jayce moans in her sleep.
"Every night, two hours of sleep before this, then she'll wake up terrified. She might scream," Crosshairs warned.
"What?"
Damn, the emotional pain she's in. No wonder Hound doesn't want to leave her alone. I asked Crosshairs if I should get a syringe, but we wanted Jayce to tell us what's troubling her. He tells me to get one since she's going to be distraught.
I worked as fast as I can while being careful.
I returned ten minutes later to an unpleasant situation.
Jayce is having a hard time getting air as Crosshairs is on his knees over her, trying to help her get her breathing under control. No matter how many times we deal with this, even with a procedure in place to help Jayce, we can't get used to this. Always have to remind ourselves oxygen won't help her. I tell Crosshairs I'm back with the syringe as I sit at the desk. It's better for one of us to help her at this stage. Three minutes pass before Jayce has her breathing under control. Crosshairs moves her onto his lap and sits on the edge of the bed. I sit on the bed next to him. I'm not sure if Crosshairs wants to get Jayce back to sleep or will attempt to get her to tell us what's bothering her.
"It's my fault," Jayce says.
"What do you mean?" Crosshairs asks.
"I worried Jamie would struggle with Buddy's death, but I'm the one who's been the problem and caused J.R. to be terrified, which caused her problems. Now I made Jamie terrified like J.R."
"No, Jayce, you were right, Jamie had a hard time with Buddy's death. However, she started with delayed grieving. You were right about her having a hard time come Christmas. She started struggling and ended up crying at night. You know she'll always feel sad he's gone, but she can continue what she loves doing. She's doing better," Drift explains.
"I don't think we'll be able to figure out why you started thinking terrifying thoughts, but we can help you get over them. Jamie is doing better. As Drift said, Jamie is pass Buddy's death and doing what she likes to do. You know she's been struggling emotionally before Buddy's passing. It's not your fault all this happened," I explained. All this time, Jayce is able to keep herself from crying. Drift, and I tell her about Bumblebee's idea of how we might be able to help her. She thinks she's a lost cause and nothing will help, afraid we must tell Jamie and J.R. she can't go on adventures with them. This causes her to cry. Drift, and I get her to calm down and fall asleep.
"It would be great if she could sleep for more than two hours again," Drift comments as I closed the door, leaving it open a little.
"We'd all like that, for the nightmares and Panic attacks to stop. I had to make her eat food at lunch, and you saw she had the nutrition drink for dinner. No way she's not thinking of ending her life. She's just taking the nutrition drinks, so Jamie doesn't find out," I explain.
'So, who's staying with her?" Hound asks.
"I will," Drift says and goes into the room before either Hound or I can object.
"It's fine, Hound. Bumblebee knows to get Drift if there's a problem with Jamie. I'm going to stay with J.R."
Hound goes back to the same spot he's been sleeping in the hallway. We stopped telling each other to get a proper recharge in our quarters when someone was left to sleep in the hallway.
I laid on the bed beside J.R., thinking of anything else we can do to help Jayce if this idea doesn't work until I fall asleep.
