After a good hour of Merlin being in his room and bored, he got hungry again. A blue popsicle was not enough to eat, he needed some real food. He headed back downstairs and into the kitchen. He didn't know what he wanted, really, and there weren't many options to choose from, as no one had done the shopping in days. Merlin decided cheese on toast would have to do. He put on the oven and went into the fridge. There had to be cheese, everyone has cheese. Cheese is not something you run out of, you just keep on buying more until there was one whole drawer in your fridge that was just different types of cheese.
Or at least that's how it would be in a perfect world, however in the real one there was no cheese. except a big block of cheddar that seemed rather suspect. Cheddar was Merlin's least favorite cheese, he was a provolone man himself. So, he would just have to add that to the list of disappointments in his life. Either way, Merlin took the block of cheese and got a knife, and started chopping. As he chopped and chopped, he heard something behind him. At first he had thought it was just the dog, who had followed him downstairs because he too was hungry. And when Merlin had glanced behind him, no one had been there.
"You could have at least used a cutting board," someone said. Merlin hadn't forgotten Arthur was home, by any means, but his voice sometimes sounded a lot like Uther's and it sent him. He jumped, just as he chopped and instead of slicing the cheese, he sliced his finger. Not too bad, not like he needed it sown back on. But it hurt like a bitch and it was now bleeding.
"Ow!" he yelled and dropped the knife, whipping around to glare at Arthur. "What do you think you are doing, sneaking up on people like that?!"
Arthur's eyes flashed with worry, but then narrowed. "I was not sneaking up on anyone, I walked into my own kitchen!"
"Why anyway?" retorted Merlin and maybe that didn't make any sense. "To bother me?"
"No, believe it or not my life does not revolve around you..."
Merlin had quite enough of this all of a sudden, and forgoing his cheese on toast, he marched out of the kitchen, or tried to at least. Arthur grabbed his arm as he did, jerking him back. "Let me see," he said, and forced Merlin's hand to show him his cut. It was a semi-ish deep cut on his left pointer finger. He yanked his hand back.
"I can take care of myself."
"Stop being an asshole!"
"I'm being the asshole?" Merlin shot back. "I don't think so..."
"Stop," said Arthur and then dragged him, by the injured hand, to the guest bathroom. Merlin didn't argue, but he sure did pout the entire time. After pushing Merlin into the door to open it and shoving him inside, Arthur stopped being so rough, or touching him at all, as he rummaged through one of the drawers by the sink. Merlin thought of leaving, but he didn't, he waited. Arthur wetted a cloth, wordlessly and offered his hand, Merlin placed his injured one into it. "You know I'm not trying to argue with you...I don't want to fight."
"It's not even about arguing," said Merlin, as Arthur dabbed the cool cloth and it turned from white to red, from the blood. "I'm not angry..."
"Then, what is it...?" asked Arthur. "Because I thought we went through this already..."
"I can't look at you the same way again," said Merlin, and it was the truth, so he had no choice but to say it. "We might have went through it, but then you disrespect me and use me to get her to answer questions about you...that just means you didn't learn anything at all from it."
"What the fuck was a I supposed to learn?" offered Arthur then, and although his voice had grown in volume, he continued to press lightly on Merlin's cut, to stop the bleeding. "Do you want me to be celibate, to give up sex...is that what you wanted me to learn?"
"No," Merlin said, and then made a very annoyed growl with his throat. "I'm not going to even bother with you, you don't get it..."
"No, I obviously don't fucking get it," retorted Arthur, angry and rather loudly. "Just tell me what you want from me...just fucking tell me!"
"I don't want anything from you!" Merlin shouted back, trying to pull his hand anyway, but Arthur wouldn't let him go. "Let me go..."
"No," shouted Arthur. "You want something, because if you didn't you wouldn't be acting like some fucking broken hearted side bitch. It didn't involve you, Merlin...yeah, I get it, she was your friend. But I've been with Morgana's friends too and she didn't act like this. So, fuck off with this bullshit already and tell me the truth!"
Merlin got his hand loose finally and went to walk around Arthur, he wasn't going to stand here and listen to this, he didn't want to talk to Arthur let alone argue with him. He just wanted to be left alone. But Arthur stopped him, he grabbed him by the arm and yanked him back. "Let me go!" yelled Merlin, as he tried to push Arthur away. "Leave me alone!"
Merlin tried to break free and Arthur grabbed his shoulders instead now, and pushed him back, back against the wall, between the towel rack and the toilet. Merlin let out a shout, just a yell, of frustration and Arthur shoved him against the wall harder. "Shut up!" he yelled at him. "Stop trying to run away!"
"I want to get away from you," retorted Merlin. "But you're just a bully, a child who if he doesn't get his way, he's pissed off..."
"What does that even mean?" Arthur shot back. "You're the one acting like a little bitch because of some bullshit that doesn't even matter! She didn't mean anything, Merlin, why can't you get that?!"
"I get it, but that doesn't change anything!"
"Why not...?"
"Because all I see now is you with her, when I look at you, when I think about you and...and it hurts too much."
"WHY?!" Arthur shouted. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET IT GO AND BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, DO YOU THINK I WANT TO HURT YOU?!" And Merlin couldn't take anymore, there he was, pinned to the wall by Arthur, who was shouting in his face, and maybe Merlin was shouting back too, and his finger hurt now, and no matter how much he had tried not to cry in front of them, it started anyway. Big, ugly tears rolled down his face and he didn't know what to say, he didn't want to say anything at all, he just wanted to go, he wanted to run away. But Arthur wasn't letting him. "Merlin..." he said now, his voice much calmer, not a yell at all, but almost a whisper. "Just..."
Just what? Merlin didn't know and he didn't think Arthur did either. Arthur looked over him for a second, he looked confused and pensive and still a little angry, his eyes flashed over Merlin's face rapidly, Merlin knew this was all happening with in seconds, but it felt very slow to him, like slow motion. Arthur's eyes met his for a second and Merlin knew they were red and full of tears, he could still feel said tears rolling over his cheeks, but he couldn't wipe them away because Arthur still held him there, against the wall.
Arthur leaned forward suddenly, and this troubled Merlin, for a whole of five seconds, before he understood what was happening and it was too late. Arthur's lips crashed upon his and it felt as if he had been head butted in the face. That's how hard it was, and Merlin couldn't quite believe it. Because, although Merlin had thought about this sort of thing lots of times before, it felt very strange to him now and confusing. Just, very confusing. Merlin gasped.
And gasping was probably not the right thing to do, if he did not want this kissing to continue, because the gasp opened his mouth a little bit and now it wasn't just lips very, very firmly pressed against his own, but now said lips were moving. Merlin's stomach turned, but not in a bad way, it felt like a million butterflies had just taken flight at one time. Merlin's lips were moving now too, even though he hadn't exactly told them to, they just started doing it, syncing themselves with the way Arthur's moved, and the kiss got a lot deeper, very quickly after that.
Merlin's eyes fluttered shut and Arthur tilted his head to the left, hands slipping down from Merlin's shoulders to around his waist, gently pulling him closer to his body. Merlin's hands, one finger still hurting, tangled into the sides of Arthur's shirt. Kissing wasn't entirely what Merlin had expected it to be like, it was very spitty, much more so than he ever thought it would be. He couldn't really breathe, and with how hard Arthur was kissing him, it felt like he was trying to pull something out from deep within him.
This was not to say he didn't like it, because he did. Arthur's lips were soft, but demanding and controlling, and Merlin felt lost in it. Not in control of anything anymore at all, not that he normally was anyway. But now it was Arthur's hands that were everywhere on Merlin's sides, Arthur who controlled the type of kiss, slow, or quick, or very, very grossly needy, which is what this one was now. It was he who pressed their bodies together and he whose tongue slipped across Merlin's bottom lip, making him gasp again. It was only fitting that it was Arthur in control, because he knew what he was doing, while Merlin had no idea...
He wasn't even sure if this was considered kissing anymore or making out. He didn't want to think about the fact that he might be making out with his step brother in the loo while their parents were on their honeymoon, after he had almost just cut his finger off. He didn't want to think about it, but now he was, and then Arthur seemed to be as well and then he was pulling away. That part was kind of gross, Merlin thought, because there was a lot of spit and he didn't know if it was considered rude to wipe your mouth...he thought maybe it was a little.
Arthur looked very concerned at him now, clearly having the same moral dilemma that Merlin was. Merlin didn't know what to say about anything, their argument before, what the hell they were doing now or what exactly was going on here. "Thanks," he did say, and the look Arthur gave him said he thought this was very strange to say, so Merlin had better continue. "For ruining my first kiss..." This wasn't entirely true, it didn't feel ruined exactly, just very confusing and strange. Not the kissing either, that was nice, what was strange was the situation. "I had my first kiss with my step brother in the loo...I better just call Jeremy Kyle now..."
Arthur laughed, "Merlin...I...don't really-,"
"Listen...just don't talk," said Merlin then, and it was only then that Arthur released his grip on him. "I don't want to talk about it, I'm not going to say anything if you don't."
The face Arthur made then said he was disgusted by that thought. "I'm not some pedo, for fucks sake..."
"I didn't say that, I only mean...-"
"Stop, I didn't mean to do that, I really didn't. But I'm not sorry about it either, alright?"
"Alright..." Merlin answered and he really didn't know what to do now. "Let's just...not mention any of this stuff again. Any of it, the kissing...the Gwen. I don't want to argue, I don't want to be at odds..."
Arthur shrugged and Merlin slipped away from him, heading to the door. There was just something hanging in the air between them now and Merlin didn't think either of them could take figuring out what it was. "I'm sorry," Arthur was saying then. "...that your first kiss had to be in the loo with your step brother."
Merlin didn't say anything as he left, because he wasn't mad, not really, just more confused than anything else. Because, alright...maybe he would have rather it been with Arthur than anyone else, but how did it end up happening anyway? This was something he wanted to ask, but knew he shouldn't, so he didn't and just left.
(A/N: I know I just updated last night, but honestly I feel like I neglected this story for months and I have the content, so I want to share it. I hope you enjoy the chapter! Also, a little side note of something that bothered me (and as the writer I could have fixed it, but I didn't because there wasn't REALLY a need to, but...) no one turned off the oven, I'm like oh my god...anyway, that's all.)
