Chapter 28

Daniel and Teal'c had stayed at the house until after both Grace and Jack had managed to eat. They even watched a few movies and Daniel could have sworn he saw a ghost of a smile on Jack's face. Honestly, despite all Jack's vows to be the best dad that Grace deserves, he was worried about Jack's state of mind. There really is only so much that one man can go through. What is Jack's limit? What would that even look like?

All they could do is be the team that they always have been and rally together. Sam was always a big part of that, she had a way of pulling them close and helping to keep perspective. Daniel was struggling himself coming to terms with her loss. He couldn't believe that they had lost her after just getting her back. This time it was so final and there was no hope. The infamous SG-1 luck had run its course.

He couldn't dwell on his personal feelings of despair when there was so much more at stake. Sam would want him to look over Jack and her daughter. He owed her that after all she did for him. In the truest sense of the word, Sam was his sister. They were kindred spirits that shared so much more than scientific passion. That helped tie them together, but their bond was one of Daniel's most prized possessions.

Daniel had pulled into the driveway of his small apartment. He wasn't in the mood to drive back to the mountain nor be alone himself, so Teal'c agreed to crash in his spare bedroom. Despite being a man of a few words himself, Teal'c alluded to his similar feelings. So they both were leaning on each other to try and get through and best support their brother in arms.

"Do you think that it is wise that O'Neill remains home alone with baby Grace?" Teal'c gave voice to what they both were concerned over.

"On that first mission through the gate years ago, you know Jack was essentially on a suicide mission after losing his son Charlie." Daniel recalled what seemed like a lifetime ago. Clearing up some items that showed signs of limited occupancy of the apartment, Daniel preoccupied himself. "Well, if Grace wasn't here I would probably say no, it isn't wise to leave Jack alone. But we will keep an eye on them. You know Jack, we could only stay under his thumb for so long before he flipped."

"Under his thumb?" Teal'c questioned the idiom.

"Yea, like he'd be annoyed at us watching over him like he was incapable or something."

"I believe you are right. I also believe this is a unique situation that we must exercise caution with. But for tonight, I must get some rest."

Teal'c voicing his need for rest was telling in itself. Normally he was always the one to push on seemingly unfazed. Sam had been an anchor for him as well. Her gentle, unwavering strength and support was something he had come to depend on. He would always hold her spirit with him, but it was not the same.

He vowed he would be there to support his friends as much as possible. They would all need one another in order to pull through. Grace was counting on it.

Back at Jack's house, Grace was blissfully sleeping unaware of the cloud of despair that had taken up residence in the home. Laying in her crib, her chest rose and fell easily and the act provided momentary therapeutic relief to Jack. He dared to look away for the briefest of seconds and felt a tidal wave threatening to overtake him. So he perched himself in a nearby chair, content to watch his redemption sleep.

He stole a glance at his watch after what felt like hours passing by. Only an hour passed by. He took a deep sigh and fought with himself to get up. He was hungry and tired, and hoped that he could consciously respond to his human needs as a pure distraction. Mind made up, he stood and made to act on those needs.

But dragging himself to the kitchen, nothing inside his fridge or his cabinets seemed appealing. Cabinets opened and closed, as if something favorable were to appear again. Against his better judgement, he swiped a beer and grabbed a bag of chips that he passed by on his way to the living room. He pushed the tv button while unceremoniously crashing down on the couch. Ask him what was playing on the screen, and he couldn't begin to describe it. Before long, he was gulping air, signaling the end of his beer.

Frowning in annoyance, he got up to grab another. Before he did, he still had the wherewithal to check in on Grace first. Noting her sleep was still undisturbed, Jack doubled back to grab another beer. Sipping it slower, he wished for something harder than the beer. He chuckled humorlessly, imaging how black out drunk he would be if not for the nearby infant.

It was his own fault really. Daring to think that he could be so happy. He should have known better and just settled for the simple, innocent flirtations that passed between Sam and himself. Or he wish that they didn't work as well as they did. Her death would have still been impactful no doubt, but he can't help but imagine that he wouldn't be as devastated knowing the reality of it all.

The beer wasn't helping matters after all. They say it's a depressant, and Jack thought about how that always seems to be more true when it's too late to do anything about it. Thankfully only on his second bottle, he pours it down the drain, and decides to lay down. He is going to need to find some amount of energy to tend to Grace when she wakes. Even if sleep won't be found by him, pretending is the best he will do. Willing himself to his room, he let's himself fall backwards on the bed, not bothering to remove his clothes.

Cries ring through the hallways, drifting down the corner and reaching Jack's ears. Opening his eyes, he is surprised to see the sun starting to lighten up the sky. Either he went to bed later than he thought, or Grace was a hard sleeper. Rolling over, he looked at the clock.

6:57 a.m.

Jumping up, Jack quickly makes his way back to Grace's side. Her crying subsides slightly as she is picked up and she reaches up to Jack. He smiles, feeling warmth at her innocence.

"Hey baby, are you hungry?"

Grace gurgled as if in response. Noticing she needed a diaper changed, he made quick work of that before bringing her to the kitchen to prepare her bottle. Grace drinks the bottle, obviously hungry. Jack watches her contentment and peace in that moment. He can't help but go back to thinking how Sam never even got the chance to see her perfect features. Never had a chance to experience the joy that came out of all the pain and torment that created it.

And Grace would never know the wonders and magic of Samantha Carter. She would only have pictures and stories that would never do her mother justice. Jack thought about how Sam lost her mother as a child, and the cruel irony that the universe seemed to appreciate. The phone rang, snapping him out of his perverse thoughts.

Balancing Grace and the bottle on one hand, Jack hits the speaker button on his phone.

"Hey Daniel, what took you so long?" Jack joked, he knew that his friend would be borderline pestering him for the unknown future.

"Good to hear your voice too. Teal'c and I are up and kind of restless. Mind if we swing by?" Daniel's voice attempted to hold a certain level of light, carefree tone. But it was clear, it was a call of concern.

"Sure, I was just feeding Grace. You don't have to hide the fact that you just want to see the baby."

"Now Jack, that isn't true. We want to come see you both."

"It was a joke Daniel, I think you have been hanging around Teal'c too long buddy." Jack joked, referencing the fact that Teal'c often didn't get parts of Earth humor.

"Yeah, yeah. We will be over." Daniel replied before hanging up.

Looking around, Jack started to haphazardly pick up the living room after placing Grace in her swing. It wasn't quite demolished, but it wasn't quite reaching that bachelor pad phase. Still he felt like he should keep up some semblance of normality. Put on a brave front. If nothing else, it would help Daniel and Teal'c not hover like a couple of helicopter moms.

Grace had fallen back to sleep and offered Jack a slight reprieve to clean up his appearance. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he last showered. He wouldn't care, but his company's noses would undoubtedly object. Going into his closet, he rummaged through the piles of clothing laying around.

He couldn't remember which was clean or not, so he resorted to the good ole fashioned sniff test. Finding a suitable shirt, he stood up faster than intended and heard a wooden box tumble down from the top shelf. It hit at such an angle that it caused it to crack open and spilled the contents out.

His standard issue handgun.

Pausing, he stared at it, almost in a trance. His mind instantly transported to him standing in his front yard where he just came back ready to greet his wife Sara, and play with his son, Charlie. Then a loud boom thundered through the house and his existence seemed to be played on autopilot. His feet had their own mind, and propelled his body forward. Tearing up the stairs to find that he was too late.

Charlie had shot himself.

Blinking his eyes repeatedly, he brought himself to the current time, realizing at some point he had grabbed the gun. It was lying in his right hand, bullets in the left. He should have known better. Charlie was evidence that he didn't deserve happiness. He definitely did not deserve to have another child, especially since he would most likely ruin her.

No. He owed her more than that. He owed her to not have to worry about him being such a dangerous screw up. If anything this would save her. As a baby, she wouldn't remember such devastation. Hearing the distant click of a door unlocking, he recalled Daniel and Teal'c coming over.

It seemed as though fate had aligned perfectly and this is what had to be done. Daniel would raise Grace as his own daughter, Teal'c would be the overprotective uncle and everyone on base adored her already. Not to mention she had Sam's brother and nieces and nephews. This was the best thing he could do for Grace. Give her a chance to grow up adjusted and normal, untainted by his damaged soul.

Decision made, he quickly loads a single bullet into the gun's chamber. He lifts it to his temple. And pulls the trigger.

A/N: I know what you're thinking. But trust me.