Author's Note: Happy 2021 everyone! Or as happy as we can be lol I decided to take two weeks off just to relax and enjoy family time to the fullest. Thank you for all the love and support for the last chapter and...I hope you like this one too! We are now about to venture into Star Trek: Beyond! We've hit 5k views on here everyone! OoO you all are simply amazing! Yay!
PS. So...this was supposed to go up yesterday, but again fanfiction was down. I couldn't even access my account page to go in and do some revisions/rewrites and apparently some people couldn't even read anything on the site. Even the week before I heard the site was having problems. -x- Sorry about that!
Disclaimer: I do not own own Star Trek! All rights belong to JJ Abrams (movie references) and Gene Roddenberry (TOS references). Any grammatical errors or mistakes you find I hope you can forgive me! Happy reading everyone!
Slight Trigger Warning: Mention of mercy killing and drinking. I thought I should put this here just in case.
"Commander DeLuca," Spock had called out, catching my attention while in passing. I had stopped and looked at my friend in curiosity considering my path was leading me toward the bridge while he looked to be retiring for the day. "I wish to speak with you, if you are free."
"I was just about to hand over some paperwork to the Captain," I faltered in my steps the second I saw Spock had a rather intense look in his eyes. Something was bothering him, I could tell, and I shook my head before going over to stand beside Spock. "it's not an emergency, it can wait."
"Please follow me." Spock nodded his head in the direction of his quarters and I simply followed, the two of us walking in silence. Greeting any passing ensigns or lower ranking officers that nodded to us along the way.
When we had reached Spock's quarters, the slight heat coming from inside his room greeted me the second he had opened the door as he stepped aside for me to enter first.
I stepped through the threshold with Spock following soon after and I heard the door close behind us as I watched Spock walk over to his desk. As he took a seat in his chair his ever rigid form had faltered as he slouched further into his chair. Whatever it is that he wanted to speak to me about it had to be bothering him quite a bit because he had suddenly let out a long, deep sigh. He looked to be contemplating what to say or how to say what was troubling him.
"Speak your mind, Spock." I said, a familiar phrase that I hadn't voiced in a while when I needed him to feel comfortable enough to confide in me what was bothering him. I needed him to remember that he could speak to me about anything without judgment.
"Please have a seat Allyson." Spock mutters, a complete contrast to how he usually spoke to me and without question I went over to sit beside him instead of across from him. A familiar action from our academy days.
"Do you wish that we sit in silence?" I asked curiously after watching Spock inwardly debate with himself before shaking his head, turning his eyes to hold contact with my own.
"No, this is something that silence…will not solve." Spock stated. "It has something to do with Nyota."
"A…SoulMate question?" I asked and once again Spock shook his head.
"As you know with the destruction of Vulcan, our species have become…endangered." Spock slowly spoke. "I…for the first time find that I am unsure of what to do with this predicament I'm in."
"Unsure about what?" I asked.
"Vulcans face extinction, Ambassador Spock has done his part on finding a suitable planet to establish a Vulcan colony, the result? The creation of New Vulcan." Spock sighed. "I feel like I owe a debt to my species, to do my part and help rebuild my race."
"You…" I wasn't sure if I was hearing him correctly, and I saw Spock fidget in his seat due to the topic we were talking about. "by rebuild, do you mean…"
"Reproduce, to keep the Vulcan species going." Spock sighed. "Being in Starfleet, being far away from my people, it is doing nothing to help further Vulcan's survival."
"Children…" I breathed out. "Is that…what feels right? Or is this the logical part of you speaking?"
"Both. I know what should be done, yet I am conflicted." Spock said. "I feel there is much I can accomplish if I stay in Starfleet, yet I know I have a duty to my people. And...I do not think I can part with Nyota."
"Have you spoken to Nyota about this?" I asked and Spock instantly shook his head.
"I'm afraid that she would not understand." Spock admitted. "An argument is bound to come about even if I give a logical reason."
"She will lash out in anger." I honestly responded. Knowing full well how my friend would react. "You both are SoulMates, honestly Nyota wouldn't understand since you both are meant to be together, and even if she realizes it's logical...it's only natural for her to be upset. If Leonard or Khan said that they would want to have children with someone else who wasn't me, though I don't really want children, I'd be hurt as well. I'd rain hell on them both."
"And I do not wish to hurt Nyota." Spock looked so conflicted that it caught me completely off guard. My ever stoic friend was lost, for the first time...he didn't have a clear solution to his problem. "What…what do you think I should do Allyson?"
"I-I think you should have a talk with Nyota. Even if the result is what to be expected, no secrets should be kept between the two of you. If you are feeling this way, then you two should talk about it." I shook my head. "I can't really tell you what to do Spock, this is something I think only you can decide on…what you think feels right." I reached over, wanting to grab his hand, before thinking otherwise knowing how intimate that would seem to a Vulcan. "Whatever you plan, whether you decide to resign from Starfleet to uphold a duty you feel toward your people or stay here to assist in Starfleet's mission I will support you. And I will listen to any concern, worries, or woes that go through that large mind of yours. I will continue to be a shoulder you can lean on, even if we're lightyears away. Though I will say, I will greatly miss you my friend."
"Thank you Allyson, I have much to consider. But I agree, I must speak to Nyota about what to do going forward, with our relationship and our future. I will leave it up to her to decide what she feels would be best for her." Spock seemed to consider my advice before slowly nodding his head. "Would it be selfish of me…to hope that we could make this work?"
"Being selfish is a human characteristic, it's in our DNA. There's nothing wrong with that." I said. "Would you like to be alone to think things through?"
"I would like to, yes." Spock nodded his head. I reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze before standing up to leave, but just as I was about to exit his quarters Spock had called back to me. "Allyson…" I turned back around to Spock and saw the faintest smile grace his features. "thank you..."
"We're friends, Spock…family. You don't need to 'thank' me. We have to look out for each other. Though I'm not Nyota, I'm the second best in knowing and understanding you." I assured with a shake of my head. "My door is always open should you ever need someone to talk to when you feel you can't express yourself or your concerns to anyone."
I was just about to turn in for the day, tonight I would be alone since Leonard and Khan were going to work opposite shifts from my own for the next few days. I'll admit, it's a bit lonely, but having a few nights to focus on myself is nice.
That is…until my datapad lit up.
I had an incoming message from Nyota. The message that greeted me was simple and in all caps reading: EMERGENCY: CODE RED! MY ROOM. BRING ALCOHOL AND ICE CREAM!
You see, Nyota and Carol had developed this system of color coded secret messages. Green was simple, a much needed sleepover to relax, enjoy each others company and have fun. Blue was just a rant session while we talked about anything and everything that was stressing us out. Yellow was that someone was upset and needed just quality time and comfort from girlfriends. Red? That was never used before, didn't think it was ever going to be used, but it was a code that meant trouble in paradise…for everyone.
I responded to Nyota's message that was sent to both Carol and myself. Told the two that I would bring the drinks, the ice cream and meet them at Nyota's room in 20 minutes before jumping into action the second I sent it out. Whatever was the problem must be intense if Nyota needed drinks and ice cream, and I can only assume what it could be.
I grabbed whatever alcohol I had and placed it in my bag before making a quick trip to the mess hall to grab some ice cream from the food replicator. I wasn't sure what to get so I requested a tub of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream.
As I made my way to Nyota's quarters I ran into Carol who was carrying three empty wine glasses.
"Do you have an inkling of what the emergency could be?" I asked Carol as the two of us started walking side by side, Carol simply shook her head.
"No," Carol let out a small, muffled yawn. "did your notification wake you up too?"
"I was just about to turn in for the night." I confessed as I motioned to the bag I was carrying. "I wasn't sure what to grab, so I just randomly took stuff from my room along with getting the simple flavors of ice cream."
"I hope Nyota's okay." Carol sighed.
When we reached Nyota's quarters I only had to knock once before the door slid open and we were greeted by the tear stained face of Nyota who immediately reached out and pulled us into her room. When the door had shut, Nyota had clung onto Carol and started to cry.
"Console Nyota while I get the drinks ready." I whispered to Carol, while taking the glasses out of her hands, who immediately led Nyota to the couch in her room.
"Nyota, what happened?" I heard Carol ask in alarm as I went over to pop open one of the bottles I took out of my bag, pouring it into the three glasses.
"Why do men have to be so…infuriating!" I heard Nyota angrily rant. "I just had a talk with Spock the other day. Basically, he said that he thinks it's his duty to reproduce for the sake of his species."
"Excuse me?" Carol asked in hopes that she had heard our friend wrong. It was just as I suspected when I heard Nyota sigh.
"Due to the possible extinction of Vulcan…Spock feels like he's not contributing to rebuilding his species." Nyota sighed. "And I understand that, but…just the thought of him being with another woman is just…"
I heard a muffled sound of something solid coming into contact with something soft and I looked to see that Nyota had buried her face into one of her couch cushions. I carefully took the glasses in my hand and brought the three over to the couch, placing mine on the cocktail table before handing one over to Carol and gently prying the cushion away from Nyota to hand her her glass.
"I'm sorry Nyota, I must confess…Spock had told me about his conflicting feelings, but in the end he was worried about hurting you. He didn't want to…" I reached out to grab her free hand as I sat on the ground in front of the two girls. "I told him I couldn't really help him make that decision, and that he should have a talk with you about his concerns since SoulMates in my opinion should be open and honest with each other."
"We did talk about it, and Spock let me decide what the future would hold for us. So, I put our relationship on hold." I saw tears start to accumulate in the corner of her eyes as she reached up to the necklace around her neck. "I made that decision…yet it hurts so much. Like, more than it should you know?"
"I think that's due to you both being SoulMates, the thought of separating from someone you're meant to be with is an impossible concept to cope with. Leaving your SoulMate seems illogical and your Mark is telling you you're making a mistake…so to speak so the pain is doubled. Your Mark doesn't take into consideration the personal conflicts that we go through. Which is why most of the time, when a SoulMate dies the one left behind can't fathom the thought of loving another even if another Mark appears to tell them there is someone else. Kind of like lovebirds." I squeezed Nyota's hand. "It's going to be hard being apart…but Carol and myself will be here to help you get through this."
"I did what I thought was right, I didn't want Spock to feel so torn so…I let him go." Nyota furiously tried to wipe the falling tears away as she took a large chug from her wine glass, downing it in one go. "This is so much worse than the normal breakups when you hook up with some random person."
"I suppose we all need this Code Red," Carol muttered, which Nyota immediately heard.
"What do you mean?" Nyota asked as Carol shook her head.
"No, this is for you, I'm just happy to have this little session between the three of us. I really needed this too." Carol silently confessed with a smile, though her smile seemed forced to me and I think Nyota noticed that too.
"Carol, this is a place where we can all talk things out and hope that after this we can feel just a little bit better about our problems." Nyota assured as she sniffled. "I think we all need this honestly."
"Well…you see...Jim seems to be a bit distant lately." Carol confessed as I watched her fiddle with the empty glass in her hand. "I've tried asking him if something was wrong, told him that he could always talk to me with whatever was on his mind, but…it only seems to push him further away."
"Has Jim talked to you about anything recently Ally?" Nyota asked and I shook my head.
"I have noticed that Jim seems a bit low on energy as of late, but he hasn't talked to me about anything." I confessed. "I'm sorry I can't help much with that Carol."
"No, I'm just concerned about him and I hope that everything is okay." Carol sighed.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can do besides apologize." I felt a heavy weight on my chest at hearing what my two friends were going through. I patted their knees before getting up from my seat on the ground and smiled. "Let's try and cheer each other up, okay? I'll go get the ice cream. We're not working tomorrow so we can drink to forget our problems, eat as much ice cream as we want. I'll even put on some good music to dance the sadness away. Or! I can try and find a funny movie we can watch from our ships records. This'll be a problem free night! Only fun allowed." I went over to the freezer to grab the tubs of ice cream and three large spoons. "What do you say? Just like one of those 'girls only' parties I've seen in those teen flicks."
Nyota and Carol, thankfully, smiled as I eagerly went back to join them. Refilling their glasses as I opened the tubs of ice cream and handed them their own spoons.
"I can't really give much advice, I'm still very much inexperienced in the romance area, but!" I held my glass out to them. "I can try as much as I can with whatever is in my power to make my friends smile, feel better, and forget about their worries! At least for today."
"I agree." Carol smiled as she took her glass and clinked it to mine as we looked to Nyota, waiting for her to join us.
"Screw it." Nyota laughed as we clink our glasses together and knocked back the drink.
I made sure that we would have problem free night, Nyota and Carol were having fun and laughing after all the tears were shed. The more they drank the more they started to let out their anger and annoyance, before taking comfort in each other's presence. Carol would sometimes cry into my shoulder while Nyota would go on a ranting rampage. I simply sat and listened, agreeing or consoling whichever was leaning on me at the moment. They needed this night to just let out all their frustration however they pleased in their drunken state. Most of the time they were just randomly giggling as they let whatever music we had put on take over their bodies.
It was probably close to five in the morning when the two finally knocked out, I carefully led the two onto Nyota's bed and tucked them in. Making sure to leave two glasses of water on the nightstands and a trash bin on either side of the bed. Secretly, aside from the ice cream and the alcohol, I had brought along some crackers, bread, eggs, and bananas since I knew there was a possibility that we would be excessively drinking.
'I think these are good for hangovers…' I thought as I placed the contents on Nyota's kitchen counter before going over to open her bathroom doors. 'in the morning I'll make them some toast and eggs…'
Carol and Nyota were so immersed in enjoying their own drinks that they didn't notice that my glass remained full.
I didn't drink, I had to report to the bridge around lunch time for my shift, but I didn't want to tell them and risk dampening their mood.
Another day, another dollar. Isn't that how the saying goes? Today was uneventful to say the least, the usual clocking in and clocking out, except for some reason there was a slight tingle in the back of my head. I couldn't tell at the moment if it was coming from Khan or Leonard, but I know that it was growing more and more intense as the minutes passed by.
I was feeling a sense of stress, regret, depression, and I couldn't handle it anymore. It was preventing me from doing my job, so I had told Jim that I would be headed back to my quarters in concern to something extremely negative affecting either Leonard or Khan and it was bleeding back to me. I wanted to check on them before returning back to the bridge for my shift. Jim was kind enough to allow me some time off to check on them.
I quickly walked off the bridge and followed my instincts at this point, I could feel it getting stronger the closer I got to my shared quarters.
'Another one lost…' I suddenly heard in my head, and I knew that was not my own thoughts for I hadn't lost anyone. 'dammit! I'm supposed to be a doctor, and I couldn't do anything!"
I suddenly heard a glass violently shatter. In a panic I rushed into the room and saw exactly who I knew was behind this door the moment I heard the thoughts in my head.
There Leonard was, slumped over the bed and on the wall opposite of him I saw the shattered remains of what looked to be a glass bottle along with whatever was left inside dripping down the wall, accumulating all on the ground.
"Leonard…" I whispered to make my presence known and I saw him turn his head to me in surprise. I took note that his hair was a mess, eyes bloodshot and heavy bags under his eyes that revealed to me that he was barely sleeping like I had advised him to due to us working different shifts.
"Ally, I hadn't expected you to be back so soon..." Leonard breathed out as he quickly scrambled to his feet though he had wobbled the second he stood up, his legs unable to hold up the weight of his body as he went crashing to the ground.
"Leonard!" I yelled in alarm as I ran over to his side, picking him up and carefully moving him back over to the bed. My nose wrinkled, he reeked of alcohol, and I could only wonder just how long he had been drinking? "Leonard, what happened?"
"Nothing…" Leonard stubbornly grumbled as he curled his body in a fetal position in the center of the bed.
"It's not 'nothing' Leonard," I looked sadly at the back of my Mate. I gently crawled onto the bed beside him and sat beside his head, reaching out to flatten out his hair. "what happened my sweet Doctor?"
"It's nothing, Ally…" Leonard muttered, still not facing me and I could only sigh. I spread my fingers out, gently running my fingers through his hair. I watched as his whole body seemed to instantly relax into the bed. "it won't happen again, I just…needed a drink."
"I know sweetie." I assured as I continued to play with his hair.
I felt Leonard shift as he turned around and scooted closer to my body, burying his face into my lap as he wrapped his arm around my waist, or attempted to. I continued to run my fingers through his hair as my free hand moved over to rub his back in hopes to offer some form of comfort and warmth. From the man laying in my lap I heard a slight sniffle come from my Mate and at that tiny sound…it had broken my heart.
"You've had a rough day, it's okay. We all have them." I cooed down to Leonard, smiling as I heard him let out a hum in agreement and after a few minutes of the two of us in this position Leonard started to stir.
"Death is no stranger to those in the medical field…" Leonard mumbled. "yet, when it should be something possible and in my power to do so, it's frustrating when I don't make it in time. They would've had a son or daughter waiting for them to return, a spouse, and I have to notify them that they won't be coming home. They should've been going home if I had just acted in time…" I listened as Leonard spilled out whatever was troubling his mind. "I've done something terrible, Ally."
"You? Do something terrible?" I looked down at Leonard. "I can't see that happening."
"But I did Ally, I'm a monster! My father…" Leonard slurred, crying once again as he held on to me for dear life, he was choking on his words as he continued to talk, his tears returning as I felt a slight wetness on my legs. "my father was a great man, a strong man, he would've loved you Ally! But…he was in so much pain. He contracted pyrrhoneuritis. In three months he lost so much weight, bedridden, crippled, and…constantly in pain. No amount of painkillers worked. All my knowledge, all that I learned! And it wasn't enough, I still couldn't save him." His whole body started to shake, and I tried as much as I could to stay strong for him. Cooing and whispering encouraging words down to him while still continuing rubbing his back. "I did all that I could. He begged me to take his pain away…to let him go…to turn off his life support system."
"It's okay, Leonard, you don't have to tell me." It was hurting him, whatever happened today triggered all this pent up regret.
"I did as he asked, I was his son, a good son…I couldn't continue to watch him suffer." His body trembled, his voice wavered. "The support system kept him alive, but what kind of life was that?" Leonard took a deep breath, his grip around my waist tightening. "A few weeks later they had found a cure!" Leonard cried out. "If he had just waited, if I just waited! Maybe…"
"No one could have predicted that a cure would be found so quickly my sweet." I reached around to wrap my arms around him.
"After, everything just kept getting worse for me, that guilt…the regret bled into my marriage. I never even told my ex-wife why. I started to drink. I had hoped…that it would get rid of my pain." Leonard continued to confess. "I had lost so much, Ally…"
"You did…what you thought was right at that time." I assured Leonard as I reached down to bring his attention to me, his haze eyes filled with tears as I reached out to wipe them away. "Leonard, you don't need to hold onto this regret any longer by yourself, it will destroy you." I scooted lower into the bed as I lay down beside him, looking him in the eyes. I leaned forward to place a sweet and gentle kiss to his lips. "I'll always be here…to catch you when you fall. I will always be here to listen when you need me. Nothing can take me away from you. You're going to be okay Leonard, everything's going to be okay, none of it was your fault."
Leonard had continued to cry, pulling me closer to him as I rested my forehead on his chest. And slowly, I heard his tears turn to sniffles, his grip around me loosened, and his breathing slow and even out. My Mate had cried himself to sleep.
When I knew he was in a deep sleep I slowly inched myself out of his grip and sat beside him, watching the peaceful expression on his face. I realized, with how much he had drunk, and how exhausted he may be he will sleep through my shift and may not remember all of this when he wakes up. But I will make sure to always remind him that he can come to me for comfort. That I will always make time for him and Khan when they need me.
'My dear, sweet, doctor.' I reached over to move some of his hair away from his eyes, his face scrunching up on contact before he settled down. I leaned down and placed a kiss to his forehead before getting up as quietly as I could. 'Sleep well my love, I'll be back as soon as I finish my shift.'
"Khan?" I called out to the man who I found standing alone, in the dark, in one of our ship's many observation decks that overlooked the vast expanse of space.
"Allyson." I saw Khan's silhouette turn, the natural light produced by the light of the stars highlighting half of his face and I noticed a solemn expression grace his immaculate features. "Hello my dear Commander."
"I thought that was you." I smiled as I walked forward, pulling up to stand just beside Khan. I saw his eyes following me before the two of us turned back to look out into space, admiring the dark beauty and unknown. The two of us continued to watch in silence as the stars passed by before I saw the sight movement come from my Mate.
"Was there something you needed from me Allyson?" Khan asked, almost in a whisper, and I simply shook my head.
"I was just taking a walk, and my feet just led me here." I said before slightly fidgeting in my spot as I turned my back toward the window. I leaned against the glass, my head leaning back as I turned to look at Khan, his eyes were trained forward as his head was held high. "Penny for your thoughts, Khan?"
"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with Allyson." Khan said though it wasn't harsh, simply put? He sounded exhausted.
"Do you remember when you were first woken up, you were experiencing emotions that weren't yours? It goes both ways, Khan." I smiled up to him. "Concern, worry, guilt, a big ball of emotions that I know aren't mine, and I already checked on Leonard today. I know for a fact that these emotions don't belong to either of us. You-you know you can always come and talk to me." I reached out and grabbed for his hand. "What's going on in that big brain of yours?"
Khan, through half lidded eyes, glanced down from the corner of his eyes to me before turning to look back out the window.
"I'm contemplating the future." Khan confessed after a few seconds of silence. "Do you think, after our five year mission in space, that I've done all that I could to prove that I've changed? That people like me, who've only known war and rage, a weapon created only for destruction, can change?"
"You've made incredible progress compared to when I first met you." I honestly admitted. "There were situations you were put in that tested you, but every step of the way you've proved Starfleet wrong."
"…do you think it was enough for Starfleet to consider waking up my crew? To give me the opportunity to show them a better path, to assimilate them into this ever developing time? To…act proper in this time of peace?" Khan asked.
"I can't really speak for Starfleet," I leaned my head back, looking up at the ceiling. "but…if I was Starfleet, with all the logs from our ship? I would take it into consideration, maybe not wake them all up at once, but maybe a few at a time to help prepare your best. Then when you wake up more of your crew there would be more of your people to help influence and guide them to the new way of life."
"There are times, where I'm wracked with guilt." Khan continued. "Here I am awake, enjoying being on this mission with you, Allyson, by my side…and then I remember that while I'm relishing my time in space with this crew I forget that they're not my original crew." Khan sighed. "I've also been contemplating what would happen should that time come. When my crew is granted permission to finally leave their cryogenic sleep."
"Starfleet would honor their promise." I said so without thinking. "At least, I would hope they do, and if not then I will fight for them. There's no reason for them not to since you have held up your end of the agreement. They would find a suitable and sustainable planet for everyone to live on."
"And what would happen to us, Allyson?" Khan asked. "I can see starlight in your eyes, you love being in space. Serving on a starship." I saw Khan's finger twitch. "I'm conflicted, part of me wants to ask you to join me when the time comes…wishes for you to stay by my side even if McCoy must tag along. But another part of me knows that it would be unfair to ask such a thing from you, to give this up, when even I can see you have so much to do still."
"I don't let it get to me for very long, but I do think about it from time to time." Khan said after I hadn't answered. "And when I do, I look for a place to be alone to work through these conflicting emotions. I find staring at the vastness of space helps. I get to forget my constant worries here. I suppose…today I was more distressed than usual to have rippled through our bond for you to feel. And for that, Allyson, I apologize."
"Don't apologize Khan." I pushed off the window and closed the distance between the two of us, reaching out to link my arm with his. "It's okay to have these moments of weakness, not everyone can constantly stay strong and I don't expect you to be 24/7. You don't have to be sorry for…being human. I appreciate you telling me what's on your mind." I reached up, placing my hand on his cheek and gently turned Khan to look at me. "It doesn't make me think any less of you. We're Mates, if I can help you lessen the burden you think you should carry by yourself then I'd want you to talk to me."
Khan seemed to lean further into my touch as he let out a content sigh.
"We can never predict what could happen, but together we'll tackle the obstacles when we come to them." I stood on my toes and placed a kiss to his lips. "It's not healthy to constantly worry about the ever changing future. If we do, we can't enjoy the present and what we have now."
"All the terrible things I've done, and I was blessed to have you as a Mate." Khan closed his eyes, leaning forward and lightly bunting his forehead to mine. "Thank you Allyson for being…you."
"If you have another moment like this, you will come talk to me right?" I smiled.
"Is that an order, Commander?" Khan chuckled as I watched Khan reach out to tap the tip of my nose. "If I must then I will."
It hurt to see my Mates struggling so much, but I'm hoping to be their pillar of strength through all this just as they have been for me. I'd want them to lean on me just as I have leaned on them.
"Lassie! Good morning, good afternoon, or a good night! Hard to tell on this ship!" Scotty's jovial voice echoed throughout the hallway and when I turned to greet him I saw that he had his arm swung around Chekov's neck, dragging the poor kid who looked to be trying his best to keep in step with the Scottsman. Keenser was trailing right on Scotty's heels and when I saw him he had lifted his hand and gave me a shy wave to which I reciprocated.
"Scotty, Pavel. Keenser. It's good to see you three." I greeted them with a smile before looking curiously at Chekov who started to flail his arms, though muffled he sprouting disagreements left and right. "What's going on here?"
"Laddie here," Scotty repositioned his hold on Chekov causing the boy to stand straight as Scotty slapped him on his back causing the boy to stagger. "thinks his 'milk diet' is the better choice of drink over my malt whiskey. Now, I'm itching to prove him wrong."
"Wodka is the better choice of the two!" Chekov argued as he pushed off of Scotty.
"It's soda pop laddie! You should wean off that milk diet." Scotty argued back. "You need a drink fit for a man!"
"Scotch is a drink for a man?" Chekov scoffed, I suppose they weren't a stranger to this argument judging off of how on edge both Scotty and Chekov were. "It was inwented by a little old lady in Leningrad!"
"Boys," I butted in, walking over to separate the two before things got even more heated between them. "I think we can all agree that both drinks are delicious, yes?"
"NO!" They both shouted before turning their glares back at each other and I could only let out a sigh.
"How 'bout a bet laddie?" Scotty suddenly said, piquing Chekov's interest. "Let's have Ally settle which is better. My Scotch against your 'milk diet'."
"I honestly think-" "Deal!" Chekov interrupted, answering before I could decline.
And that was where I found myself, sitting in one of the many recreation rooms on the ship, the four of us had taken the first shots and while they slowly drank their shots. During their drunken state I would secretly swap their drinks through clever misdirection. I was thankful that they slowly couldn't tell what they were drinking the longer they drank. Keenser seemed to instantly notice, and I cheekily placed a finger to my lips as I saw our little engineer smile, or what I assumed was a smile.
"What do you think, Ally?" Scotty slurred and I could only smile.
"I'd like to know what you two think about the drinks?" I inwardly chuckled.
"Vodka-" "Scotch-" "is better!"
'Oh…if only if only.' I thought as the two of them continued to exchange some nasty stares and little offhanded comments before continuing to drink the same substance that they firmly believed was second best compared to their own drink of choice. 'I'll tell them when they've sobered up.'
"Kommander…I have a confession to make." Chekov, I noticed, while he was drunk his accent seemed more prominent than usual. "I vant to find my SoulMate, I am jealous zat you have Doctor McCoy and Mister Khan. I'm so tired of starting relationships and it not vorking when I try so hard to make my relationships work." Chekov seemed to sink lower into his chair, leaning his cheek against the table, practically squishing his face against the surface as he let out a long sigh. "How do I find my SoulMate, Kommander DeLuca? How do I find the person I'm meant to be with forever?"
Before I could say anything, Chekov had thrown his hands up and latched onto me. "I'm so…lonely…Kommander…"
"There, there Pavel…" I cooed as I rubbed the poor boy's back who sounded like he was sobbing into my uniform. I guess Chekov was an emotional drunk? "It's okay, cheer up. Your SoulMate is out there, I'm sure you'll meet her or him someday. You're still so very young."
"But what if I don't Kommander!" Chekov wailed as he continued to cry into my shoulder. "I've heard zat ve may never get to meet zem in our lifetime! How did you get so lucky to meet both of your SoulMates, Allyson? I don't vant to be alone anymore Kommander."
I didn't know what to do, and I was just about to look to Scotty for help when I felt another weight fall on my free shoulder.
"I understand how you feel laddie!" Scotty sobbed. "It's so hard being in space for so long with no intimacy! There's no one who can understand you better than I."
I don't know how I ended up in this situation, consoling two crying men who continued to go on about being lonely for a solid half hour. I understood how they felt, with all their friends finding their SoulMate, and I guess this was just the thing they needed. I reached around the men, enveloping them in a loose hug, as I tentatively rubbed their backs as they continued to cry and I looked across at Keenser. I guess my eyes were pleading for help once again because Keenser simply stared back at me and shook his head side to side.
"Mister Scott…" Chekov's tear-filled, doe-eyed stare turned to look across to Scotty before the two of them reached out to grip each other's hands right in front of me.
"You don't have to be alone my boy! We are bachelors! We should enjoy our freedom!" Scotty cheered up before he suddenly bounced up and away from me, pouring whatever drink was in his reach into our empty glasses. Scotty thrusted one into Chekov's hands, another into Keensers, and then for some reason one into mine. "Let's enjoy our freedom! Take things one step at a time! We can worry about SoulMates and SoulMarks when we're brittle and old!"
"Za vas (Cheers, to you)!" Chekov yelled out.
"Slàinte mhath (Cheers)!" Scotty cheered as Keenser simply held up his glass.
"…cheers…" I mumbled as I watched the two down their drinks. I made the decision that this was as far as they would go. I looked behind me and noticed two guards that were passing by, whistling to get their attention before motioning for them to approach.
"Ma'am?" The two in unison questioned before I urged them to lower their voices.
"Gently and patiently escort Mister Scott and Mister Chekov back to their quarters, make sure they get into bed. I'll be by later to check on their status." I whispered with a smile, the two officers nodded their heads before I turned back to my two friends. "Scotty, Pavel? These two have some business to discuss with you, do you mind following them?"
Scotty was in the process of drinking another glass, swallowing it quickly before eagerly nodding his head. Chekov looked to have passed out as he had taken to resting his forehead completely on the table facing down.
I watched as Scotty followed one of the officers, a wobble in his steps, with Keenser following right behind while the second officer gently lifted Chekov's body, slinging one of Chekov's arms around his neck for support as Chekov leaned further into the officer. Mumbling some incoherent words, both in English and Russian, as they were carefully escorted out of the rec room.
I couldn't help but laugh as I saw Chekov cradling a bottle of Scotch with his free hand to his chest, adamantly against parting with the bottle just as the officer tried to pry it out of his grasp.
I had a lot of explaining to do with Khan and Jim, notifying them that our chief engineer and our ship's navigator wouldn't be reporting for their shift tomorrow, but…it was a much needed break that they needed. I'll check on them soon after, guaranteeing that they will be feeling all of this when they wake up with no recollection about what transpired from their drinking session, I hope.
"That's a point for me!" I smiled triumphantly as I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand.
"You haven't won yet. We're dead even." Sulu smiled as he, too, was out of breath while still holding his form with his sabre at a ready. "Next point determines the winner."
I got into the position that Sulu had instructed me as the two of us faced off once more, my free hand held behind me as I carefully watched for any subtle movements from my 'opponent' before I saw the tiny shift in Sulu's right foot. Sulu had quickly lunged forward causing me to react, parrying as I inched back to avoid any further attack. Sulu went continuously on the attack while I kept on the defense before making the decision to push forward, my riposte.
During our first session, Sulu would've gotten a point off of me in a second, but now? I'd like to think that I'm giving him a run for his money.
'There!' I thought as I saw the slightest of openings, lunging forward with my own sabre and I had tapped Sulu on the left shoulder.
"Point!" The both of us yelled simultaneously and for a second the two of us stood confused, until I had glanced down and saw the tip of his sabre had come into contact with my stomach.
"Shall we call it a draw?" Sulu asked after a minute of us holding the same position.
"A draw." I nodded my head as Sulu clasped his hand in mine. "Good game."
"No kidding." Sulu huffed, still a smile on his face. "Must you always be great at everything you set your mind to?"
"I can't take all the credit, I had a great teacher." I smiled. "I still have a lot to learn with anything someone teaches me, I just make it a habit to continuously practice."
"I hope during our shore leave you can meet my little girl. Maybe some of your mentality can rub off on her, with her being young she'll be influenced easily." Sulu smiled. "Can't wait to introduce her to everyone here actually."
"You have a little girl?" I asked as the two of us plopped down onto the gym mat. "What's her name?"
"Demora." Sulu smiled as he reached toward our personal belongings that we had placed closely, bringing out his datapad and proudly showing me a picture of him standing beside a man who was holding a little girl in his arms. "She's going to be three, and the man carrying her is my partner, Ben. They're traveling to meet us in Yorktown for our shore leave."
"She's beautiful Hikaru, and your partner is very handsome." I complimented as I stared at the loving couple and child smiling back at me. "You? Not so much."
I laughed as Sulu shoved me backwards, taking back his datapad as he laughed along with me.
"Two loves of my life." Sulu suddenly sighed. "I miss them a lot."
"I'm sure they miss you as well." I nudged Sulu's side. "Especially that little girl."
"I've tried asking Ben if he would consider moving onto the Enterprise with me, to be closer to them, but he's been against it. A Starship isn't the best place to raise our daughter with the threat of danger and death always lurking around every corner." Sulu admitted as he stared down at the picture of his family. "Ben's been thinking that living in Yorktown would be much safer, and I may ask to be transferred and stationed there. A few adventures into space is nice, but five years? It was fun, at first, but it's putting a strain on my mental health along with my husband and daughter." Sulu's brow furrowed as I saw his grip on his datapad tighten. "Ben sends me videos, and I'm seeing how many milestones I'm missing out on…and it makes me miss my home even more." I watched as Sulu blinked a couple of times before reaching up and wiping the corner of his eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."
"Don't be sorry Hikaru," I assured as I reached out to pat his leg. "everyone has a breaking point, things they've sacrificed for this mission, and I think everyone is experiencing some sort of depression and longing aboard this ship."
"Maybe we all need this leave…" Sulu sighed.
"If…if you think that it would be best to transfer over to the Yorktown starbase, then I think you should do it. If it's putting a strain on your life, then you should put your family and health first." I hesitantly mumbled. "That little girl needs and deserves both loving parents around."
"Trying to get rid of me to take over my station? How incredibly rude." Sulu joked and I simply shook my head.
"You know that's not me. No one can replace you, things wouldn't be the same without our trustworthy helmsman. You're the best in the fleet, no one can fly the Enterprise better than you can." I lightly scolded. "But if it's what you think is best for your family, then no one would hold that against you."
"Captain?" I asked as I saw Jim simply…standing in the middle of the hallway? I carefully stepped up to where Jim stood and peaked around him to notice that he seemed to be zoning out. "Captain…" I tentatively called out once more, and when Jim didn't answer I reached up and snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Jim!"
Jim blinked a few times, his eyes widening as he turned to look back at me. "Oh, Ally. Sorry, I-I must've zoned out for…a bit."
"Is everything okay, Jim?" I asked with concern.
"No, yeah, everything's fine. I just…have a lot on my mind lately. You know, a captain's work is never done even when I'm off duty." Jim rubbed the back of his head as he let out a nervous chuckle. "Don't worry about me, Ally. I guess I'm just tired."
"You could get hurt being out here just standing in the center of the hallway." I looked at Jim pointedly. "A healthy man like you needs at least seven to nine hours of sleep."
"I know, I know." Jim simply laughed it off before I let out a sigh, reaching out to grab his arm and dragging him in the direction of his quarters.
"If you know then you wouldn't be out here!" I scolded in a huff. "The moment you get into your quarters you're going straight to sleep. I'm going to have a talk with Spock to let him know that you need some rest." "Ally-" "If a crew member is showing signs of stress and fatigue—with reaction time down by a considerable percentage. Is irritable and quarrelsome by your orders is to take a leave of absence until a medical personal clears them for duty. That is your words, Jim." "Allyson-" "If I report to Spock that I found you just standing here he will agree with me. Sleep deprivation can lead to questionable choices, your ability to concentrate decreases, lack of sleep can even affect your immune system!"
"Yes, Bones, I know." Jim sarcastically joked before I stopped right in front of the door to his quarters and rounded on him with my hands on my hips. "Ally, I promise I will head straight to bed, you just have to move so I can make it into my quarters."
I stared back at Jim for a while before stepping aside allowing Jim to enter his quarters and just as he stepped further in I had followed closely to watch and make sure that he would do just as I had ordered.
"I've got a few records to take care of and then I will turn in for the day." Jim assured and I could only glare dangerously back at my captain.
"Those can either wait or Spock and myself will take care of them." I pointed out. "Ally-" "James Tiberius Kirk, you will do no work starting now. As of right now I am ordering you to get some much needed R&R."
"Yes, mom…" Jim grumbled and I could only sigh.
"I'm only doing this because I worry…" I apologized to Jim. "I wouldn't be this harsh if I didn't care."
"I know…I know." Jim assured me with a small smile. "I'll leave the Enterprise in your care then."
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked Jim once more who only nodded his head.
"Yeah, I'm going to be okay, you should head back to the bridge. Inform Spock for me." Jim said and I sent a smile his way before turning to exit his quarters. "Actually, Ally, I'm not okay."
"What's wrong?" I asked in alarm, turning back to face him. "Is there something I can do? Are you in pain? I'll go get Leonard."
"No, no…it's nothing that Bones can fix." Jim shook his head as he went over to sit at his desk. "I've been…thinking over a few things and it's been bothering me for a while how to go about this problem that has been affecting my sleep schedule."
"What kind of things?" I asked as I went over to sit across from him.
"It's been getting harder to tell where one day ends and another day begins, a challenge to feel grounded in these times when even the gravity is artificial. Things have started to feel a little…episodic. I'm starting to question what we have been trying so hard to accomplish here in our extended time in space. Like, if the universe is truly endless, then are we not striving for something that will be forever out of our reach?" Jim started to pour whatever was weighing heavily on his mind, telling me his thoughts and concerns.
"I think the whole crew is experiencing some form of doubt and anxiety. It's…normal to feel lost, everyone feels that way being in space for so long." I assured Jim who simply shook his head.
"It's more than that, Ally." Jim sighed in frustration. "You know, my birthday's coming up, god…I hate my birthday. It makes me a year older than my father ever got to be." Jim leaned back into his chair. "My father joined Starfleet because he believed in it. Believed in what they stood for, and me? I joined on a dare. I'm doubting myself, and my capabilities to continue being a Starfleet Captain."
"You're questioning why you're out here." I stated and Jim nodded his head.
"Ally, tell me, why did you join Starfleet?" Jim asked. "Aside from being a legacy, and your family basically telling you it's your duty, what really made you enlist into Starfleet?"
"I joined…" I contemplated what to say next, carefully considering how to respond. "I joined because I wanted to prove that I wasn't just a 'family legacy'. Not just 'another DeLuca', I wanted to be Allyson DeLuca, I didn't want to constantly live in my family's shadows. I wanted to love being in space, not treat it like it was a job as my family does. Treat it like a box that needed to be checked off a list. I also, secretly, wanted to prove my family wrong. That my Marks weren't a curse, that I could accomplish so much without being a captain." I deeply sighed. "I think you need to find out who Captain James Tiberius Kirk is instead of trying to be Captain George Samuel Kirk."
"The thing that's been weighing heavily on my mind…the thing that's been bothering me the most. I've been trying to find a way to break the news to everyone." Jim mumbled as I tilted my head to the side, waiting patiently for Jim to continue. "I've…I've sent in my application for a promotion to Vice Admiral at Yorktown. I'm going to recommend Spock to replace me as the Captain of the Enterprise if I get the approval from Starfleet." Jim confessed. "I feel like it would be for the best, and I'm sure that Spock will promote you for First Officer."
"Have…have you spoken to Spock about sending your application to Starfleet? To Leonard?" I asked Jim, a million thoughts running through my head recalling that Spock was also considering leaving as well and when Jim shook his head I could only look at him in confusion. I was stumped. "Jim, why me? Why tell me first? I'm not your First Officer, and I haven't known you as long as Leonard has."
"Because you were the first person I ran into?" Jim questioned, hoping that I would be contempt with such an answer, and when I shook my head 'no' he had to backtrack. "Because…you were someone I could always go to when I had a problem even when you would get irritated at me constantly barging into your office. You helped me solve it and listened when I needed help even back in the academy. You'd tell me the worse case scenarios, try to persuade me otherwise, but in the end...you always had my back." Jim said. "I was going to tell them eventually, but…I could never find the right time to do it. And when I did? I'd chicken out. But you, Ally, you're like someone who makes me want to confess all that's on my mind, you give great advice and I feel better about the situation in the end."
"I-I want to convince you, if I were honest I want to force you," I let out a dry chuckle. "to continue staying with us, to go on all the adventures we have not yet experienced. This crew and this ship needs you…things just wouldn't be the same without Jim Kirk, but…if it's what you feel you must do, then I cannot stop you." I confessed sadly. My voice choking as I attempted to swallow the large lump at the back of my throat while also attempting to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. "I was set on the idea that I'd always be following you throughout space, but I suppose change is inevitable. I will really miss having you as my Captain, Jim. And I will cherish the adventures we did go on."
"Thanks Ally, I'll miss you as well. I'll miss everyone." Jim said as I saw his eyes close to glazing over. With a shake of his head Jim had cleared his throat before slowly nodding his head. "I hope that you continue to watch over the Enterprise and its crew, Ally, just as you always have."
"Yes, Captain."
Everyone was having a rough time out in space, dealing with them the only way each person knew how, and Allyson wasn't an exception to this strange vibe that settled all around the Enterprise.
Allyson had been getting these messages lately delivered to her personal datapad, the same one almost every week, and she would be lying if she said that it wasn't causing her some sort of anxiety. She had wished to confide her worries with someone, she had searched for her Mates, and she also considered speaking to her friends to ask for some advice. But every time she tried, there was always something troubling the person she wanted to talk to. From what she's seen spanning the last couple of months everyone aboard had been suffocating, not literally, in space. They were dealing with their own problems that Allyson didn't want to overload them with her own. So, Allyson had taken to keeping quiet about the messages.
It hurt to see and hear the sufferings and struggles that everyone was going through, and she wanted to help them the best that she could, but the only thing she could do was offer her support and her shoulder for them to lean on. Offer them a place of security and to escape when the things around them seem unbearable. If she had forced what she was truly feeling, asking them to stick through it…Allyson felt it would make things worse. Everyone aboard would be at each other's throats everyday and that would never be a good thing since they were all stuck in a starship together. Seeing the same faces day in and day out, they needed a change in scenery.
Allyson was thankful for the momentary shore leave, and knew that they needed a break, so Yorktown seemed just the thing everyone needed right now.
'Yorktown…' Allyson thought as she sat at her desk in her quarters. The gravity of the situation was weighing heavily on her mind as she thought back to her previous conversations with her crew. It may just be the last time they would all be together if some of her friends decided to transfer to another ship or be stationed at Yorktown. Allyson knew that she shouldn't take advantage of the limited time they had left, she would make it a point to enjoy the time they had together until they reached their destination.
Allyson's datapad lit up once again and the woman could only sigh knowing that it was the same message from the same sender, and she wasn't going to deal with it. The sender could just deal with the problem themselves, Allyson was never going to respond. Not now, not ever.
Allyson reached over and deleted the message. She would continue to ignore any future messages else it would put her in a state where she would never be able to enjoy the time she had left with her true family.
The second Allyson had locked her datapad away into her desk, the doors to her quarters opened and in walked an exhausted looking Khan and Leonard.
"I just don't understand people nowadays…" Leonard grumbled as Khan nodded his head.
"To me, everyone seems idiotic, Doctor." Khan commented as he went over to his designated wardrobe, reaching down to change out of the uniform he was in.
"I just don't understand what goes through a person's mind most of the time!" Leonard had gone over to where Allyson sat, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Hello darlin'."
"Welcome back you two." Allyson greeted as she swiveled in her chair to face them. "It's rare to see you two agree to something? Are you two really my Mates?"
"McCoy was just complaining about the 'slang' people these days use." Khan responded as Leonard let out a low growl.
"I understand that they were off of their shift, but speaking to any officer of higher ranking while said officer is on duty there should be a sense of professionalism!" Leonard complained. "I had no idea what that man was saying to me, I was getting a migraine just listening to them talk…"
"Officers are usually too uncomfortable to speak so casually toward me," Khan went over and sat on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard. "though when I do hear them, it does give me a headache listening to how abbreviated some of their words are."
"Are you two done being old?" Allyson giggled as her two Mates turned to lightly glare at the woman. "They're having fun, just let them be."
Leonard pouted before turning back to the bed, flopping down on the far end away from Khan and Allyson couldn't help but continue to laugh as she got up from her chair.
"Are you both going to share the bed today? Shall I use the couch?" Allyson joked considering Khan and Leonard had fallen into a schedule to switch off every week on who gets to sleep in the bed, this week was Khan's.
"No, you'll sleep in this bed." Leonard's muffled voice called out as he turned his face to look at Allyson. "I don't care if this isn't my week, I'm tired. My back is sore, and I just want a soft bed to sleep on."
"Do whatever you want so long as Allyson is separating the two of us." Khan commented as he was in the middle of reading one of Allyson's books.
"We're at a truce…for now." Leonard sighed as he patted the open space between Khan and himself. "Come sit Ally, I haven't spent some time with you in a while."
Allyson smiled, staring happily back at her two Mates as she went over to occupy the empty space between the two men. When she was in a comfortable position she had leaned her head on Khan's shoulder and asked him to read to her as she reached out to run her fingers through Leonard's hair, an act he very much found himself loving. It was a moment Allyson reveled in as she listened to the light snores coming from the exhausted Doctor, the peaceful moment relaxed her as her eyes began to close. Khan's deep, gravelly voice sent a calm vibration throughout Allyson's body and slowly, against her will, her eyelids began to fall. Khan's voice and storytelling mixed with Leonard's slow and even breathing had lulled her to sleep.
And while Allyson lay in bed with her Mates, in her locked drawer her datapad lit up once again. The message came from the same sender, though this time the contents of this message was different:
Allyson DeLuca,
It has come to my attention that the Enterprise would be coming into Yorktown for a reprovisioning stop along with any repairs it may need, taking a short break in routine from its Five Year Mission. As you know, our great-grandfather's 100th birthday is coming up. It is my job to make sure that all descendants are to attend with no exceptions along with understanding the severity of the situation should any decide to reject the invitation. The shame that would be brought upon the family along with falling out of favor with our great-grandfather.
Father has made it a point that our presence is mandatory. Being offsprings of the firstborn, we were put in charge of holding this momentous event. A great honor for all of us. Mother has asked me to remind you that you are a DeLuca, though I would argue otherwise.
For many years you have been allowed to do as you please, but not anymore. This is not up for debate. It is my responsibility as a DeLuca, much to my displeasure, to make sure that you are present for the party. Forcefully if I have to even when I don't want to. In all honesty, dear Allyson, I could care less if you show up or not, but this is Mother's wishes. Unlike you I do not make it my life goal to constantly disappoint and go against Mother or Father.
When the Enterprise makes dock, Celestyn and myself will be there to greet you personally and hand you your invitation along with all the information you would need to know. We must speak in agreement in concern for our great-grandfather's birthday celebration. Because knowing you and your rebellious ways you have not read any of my previous attempts to contact you or even seen the invitation I had sent out.
Remember, dear sister, whether you accept it or not you are a DeLuca. We have a responsibility and an image to uphold. We shall talk more the next we meet.
Aurelius DeLuca.
Everyone is feeling suffocated being out in space for so long, they're missing friends and family. Questioning themselves! Dealing with their own problems and they need an outlet (I know there's other things they can do beside drinking, but it just seemed to fit you know?), a stop in Yorktown is welcomed lol. And I'd like to think Allyson loves her friends a lot to always want to be there for them to work through their problems, even if it's just to listen to them rant. Though...what drama is waiting to greet Allyson once she steps foot off her ship? *gasp* Find out...in the next chapter!
If you are enjoying yourself and my story: review, follow, and favorite! But it's not mandatory =) just knowing that you gave my story a chance, decided to read makes me incredibly happy! Stay safe in the new year everyone!
