Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider. Boom! Surprise! Do people still do these? I am not Anthony Horowitz.

Chapter 29: Point to Make


Alex wasn't sure if he felt nauseous and dizzy because of the amount of blood he had lost or if it was from seeing his own arm so clinically dissected. Despite Nico's attempts at distraction – while obviously not looking in the direction of the makeshift surgical field – Alex couldn't help his own curiosity.

His downfall, his curiosity.

Blood.

Everywhere.

Well… not everywhere. It was controlled. But even he could see the ever-growing pile of bloodied gauze. And tried not to see Jacobs' persistent fiddling in his arm.

"Woah, hey, Alex." A hand landed on his shoulder, and then another turned his head away. "Let's not, okay?" Nico was staring at him, resolutely not looking down. "We don't need to you passing out in the middle of this."

Alex nodded slightly. "Yeah…" He closed his eyes, trying to wipe those images out of his brain. It didn't hurt. Didn't even really feel like anything at all.

That wasn't his arm.

"I need you to… hold this… but keep that… yeah. It's all… twisted up…" Jacobs' muttered comments to Cameron, who was apparently the next highest qualified, broke through Alex's calm. "Twist, pull, clamp. And if it goes, elevate, elevate, elevate."

It didn't really make much sense, but there was a bit of worried urgency to Jacobs' voice. Like they were doing something that might just not be within the standard of care. What they were expecting to see.

"One…"

Did he dare look?

"Two…"

This was different.

"Three."

There as a twinge, which he felt, but didn't feel, then Cameron was jerking his arm into the air. Which he felt at the shoulder, but… nothing below. It was… strange.

"Shit, shit, shit."

There was a crash of metal tools on a metal tray, and then Jacobs was peering at his arm intently.

Alex hadn't meant to open his eyes.

But, curiosity

And he felt kind of dizzy.

Jacobs glanced down at him and swore loudly. "Shit, kid. Nico, get his legs up."

Come to think of it, his head felt pretty heavy too… He let his head loll back, as Nico manhandled his legs onto the chair. It inadvertently led to him slouching, but that felt… almost better.

He was still dizzy.

"Arm down," Jacobs commanded. "Alex, stay with me just a bit longer."

Alex let his eyes fall closed. "S'okay."

"Hold that there. Don't move."

There was a shuffle of supplies on the table, then Alex felt the breeze of someone walking behind him.

He still felt dizzy.

"Here." Someone – Jacobs – grabbed his other arm. His good one.

He could feel that.

There was a spot of cold wetness on his arm, tightness around his upper arm, then a sharp jab. He tried to pull away, but with two people holding both his arms… he didn't have much of a chance.

He opened his eyes, but found that that was harder than it should've been. "Di'ju drug me?" He asked, accusingly.

Jacobs snorted, fiddling with something around his arm and the pressure let off. But now there was something there. "No, you're just feeling the effects of the blood loss." He peeled off the set of gloves and swapped them out for a clean pair. "Would've given you more warning, but I don't really have time to deal with you passing out on me in the midst of this."

Alex let his head wobble and his muscles felt like they had turned to gelatin. Right.

That was… an IV.

Jacobs had given him an IV.

Which meant that was a lot of blood…

"Alright. Good news, we got something out. Bad news, it was mixed up with the veins and artery, but I don't think we actually nicked the artery. Much. Which would be bad." Jacobs circled back around and Alex made sure to look away from his arm. "Do you have your detector device?"

Alex blinked, then processed. "In my pocket." He nodded with his head, but since both arms were now occupied, he couldn't exactly get it.

Nico, who had somehow gotten roped into holding whatever fluids they were now pumping into his system – which, when had he decided he trusted them to give him random medications? – grabbed the music player. He fiddled with some of the buttons, but Alex had shown him the shortcut to getting in to that particular app.

"Can you both step away as much as possible?" Nico asked.

There was a moment of shuffling, everyone stepping back as far as possible.

Alex refused to look at his arm.

"Nothing." Nico met his gaze. "You're clean. No electronics."

Alex let out a sigh of relief. Something. They had found something.

No electronics remaining, at least.

Jacobs wasted no time going back to fiddling with his arm. "We'll get you put back together, finish that bag off, then you can go relax."

Alex wanted to relax now. At least that was taken care of.


All in all, it was a success.

By the time Jacobs had his arm sewn back up, Alex was already starting to feel a bit better. He had still done his best not to look at his arm until Cameron had cleaned up some of the gauze though. While he was waiting for the IV to finish – because Jacobs didn't quite trust him walking anywhere – Alex had gotten a closeup look at the slightly bloody but intact little device that could be the source of so many problems.

Not more than a couple of centimeters in size.

It had been all he could do to keep from throwing up at the sight of it.

That had been inside his body.

And no one really had any idea of what it actually did.

Alex knew logically that they couldn't just send it off to MI6 for analysis, but he was beyond curious to know what it did. He had peered at it cautiously, distancing himself from the fact that that was his blood on it. It was one thing to look at things clinically, but a completely different thing to relate it back to his own body.

Once everything was cleaned and wrapped, Jacobs had sent him off to his room, with strict instructions to stay in bed for the remainder of the afternoon. Which hadn't seemed too outrageous when Alex considered how dizzy he had still been just walking to his room. But after several glasses of juice and a several hours long nap, Alex was starting to chafe at the restrictions again. Even though he felt exhausted.

The injections were wearing off, with both feeling and pain coming back into the picture. He wasn't entirely sure what medications he could take to reduce the pain, so kept from taking any. With feeling came movement, and eventually he was able to clench and release his fist. A good sign. It didn't feel all that different. Just… slightly painful.

With the numbness wearing off though, the reality of what they had done was starting to set in. They had actually removed something from him. With no ideas as to what it actually did. Now, there was the question of whether this little implant had really been influencing his memories – and if it was, how. Of course, if it wasn't, then there was always the question of what was influencing his memories.

What he would do for a direct line to Smithers…

A knock on his door had him looking up, and Nico stood in the doorway with a sandwich on a plate. It seemed that he had become the official go between the rest of the unit.

"Feel like eating?"

Alex looked down at his arm. He certainly didn't have all the motion back yet, and what he did, hurt. Jacobs had mentioned that although it was a pretty simple surgery, he had still had to cut through some of the muscle. Which meant that it would probably be a couple of weeks before things were back to normal.

So, two out of commission hands…

To be fair, his bad hand really was getting much better.

"It's in two pieces, if that helps any." Nico passed him the plate. "Figured it would probably be a little bit easier to manage."

Alex gave a small smile, before proceeding to devour the food. He had, apparently, been hungry.

"Cameron took a look at the implant," Nico said, casually, "He said there weren't any identifying markers on it, but that it had an inner chamber that seemed to hold something. Obviously, we don't have a chemical lab here, but… it doesn't look like any kind of tracker that we've seen before."

So, likely not a tracker. That was good. Though Alex had suspected as much, since no one had tried coming after him in the recent months.

"How's your arm feel?"

"Weird. Aches a little, but… it should be fine." Alex let out a long breath. "I suppose I should say thank you. It was… a little bit more than what you all would normally do."

Nico gave him a rueful smile. "It was a little much. But… it was the least we could do." He glanced around the room. "Need anything for now?"

"No. I'm good."

Alex was left alone with his thoughts. He desperately wanted to write things down, for fear of forgetting again, but that option was out until he had at least one functioning hand again. But… he had done well. He had stayed clam throughout the entire procedure. He hadn't had a memory blank in over a day.

Nothing was going to magically disappear, because they had fixed it.

He hoped.


Cold hands.

Freezing.

Burning.

He tried to twist and turn. Find a way out.

But where?

The walls blurred around him, but he couldn't see.

Couldn't see anything in front of him.

Cold.

"Hello, Rider."

Hands, sharp, jabbing.

He tried to pull away, but his limbs were sluggish. Uncooperative.

"You're not being as helpful as you should be."

Something sharp jabbed into his chin. A hand. Nails. Gripping his face.

"But then, it seems our information was misinformed." A gentle hand stroked his face. "You never had the answers, did you? You were always just the pawn."

The pawn.

Screeching. Scratching nails.

Like nails on a chalkboard.

He tried to breathe in.

Like fragments of glass scratching him on every inhale.

"Rider, Rider, Rider… What are we going to do with you?"

Pain. Blinding. Pain.

Alex screamed, trying to pull away. It felt like molten lava was being dripped onto his arms. His sides. His legs.

"Just a little present, for you." A face loomed above, indistinct in the darkness. "You're only going to remember what we tell you to." Something touched his jaw and he tried to jerk away. His head was held in place. "I'd tell you all about it, but… you won't remember, will you?"

Get it out. Get it out. Get. It. Out.

Alex screamed.

His throat was killing him, but Alex hardly paid it any heed as he crashed into and through his door on the way to the bathroom. He barely made it before he was retching, a combination of distortion from the dream, and the all too real pain in his arms. Both arms.

He could still feel the hands, gripping him, holding him down.

Screaming

Three nights. He had had three nights of relative peace and quiet – but always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the nightmares to return.

He shuddered, sinking down to the floor, as the vague images continued to flash through his mind. They were fading, becoming more indistinct, but… it was different. It wasn't the same as before. He took a couple deep breaths, trying to center himself. Trying to stop the pounding of his heart in his chest.

The nightmare though… it wasn't disappearing. It was still there. He could recall it if he needed. Not that it made much sense… Just feelings of helplessness and pain. And a voice taunting him.

It was progress though.

"You okay?" Mickey appeared at the door, apparently the one on duty for the night.

Alex managed a shaky nod, but winced when he jarred his newly injured hand.

"Do you want some company?"

Now that was unexpected. Mickey had been, by far, the most standoffish toward him the past several weeks. Though he had cooperated with the unit's plans, Alex suspected that was more out of loyalty towards his unit leader than any desire to help Alex.

Alex shrugged, but moved his legs to one side of the room. He didn't plan on getting up from the floor any time soon. At least he knew that the floor was clean…

Mickey took that as an invitation and sank to the floor against the wall. He wasn't obviously armed, but… the unit had seemed to take his security seriously.

And he had all but spat in their face with his little jaunt.

As Alex learned more, the more it seemed that Jones' reluctance to give him information was really the hinderance. The more he learned the more he was convinced that immediately staking out on his own was out of the question. There were too many unknowns. Unknown people targeting him. Unknown consequences of the implant. Unknown motives for keeping him dead or alive.

He let out a sigh, closed his eyes, and pressed his forehead against the floor. Now wasn't the time to contemplate that. He let the remaining images from his nightmare flicker over the backs of his eyelids. It wasn't pleasant… The sensation of being held down, the flashes of bright color. It all fit yet didn't fit together.

Would he ever get his memories back? Or would it just be in jerks and starts?

"Can I take a look at your arm? Jacobs would have all of our heads if something happened."

Alex regarded Mickey with one eye, then glanced down at his arm, vaguely registering the throbbing pain. The wrap wasn't visibly mused, but there was no knowing what it looked like underneath. And since he didn't really have the manual dexterity to deal with it himself, he reluctantly rolled onto his side and held his arm out.

"You know, I thought they were all ridiculous, listening to some kid claim there was an implant in his body." Mickey started to carefully unwrap the wrap and Alex bristled. "I mean, it seemed ridiculous to me – still does – that someone would go through that kind of effort to do that. Felt like it was another attempt to get away – and no one else saw it." He smiled ruefully. "Guess I was the one in the wrong this time."

Alex allowed his arm to be manipulated, glancing only briefly at the irritated line of stitching. None were out of place, there was no active bleeding, so all was well for now. Didn't mean it didn't hurt though.

After ensuring that all was well, Mickey wrapped it back up and let go. He peered at Alex inquisitively. "Do you really think that that little device was messing with your memories?"

Alex thought that one over carefully. He did remember bits and pieces of the nightmare, but… it was still so recent. "I dunno. Maybe?" He shrugged. The option that something else was affecting him… was not outside of the realm of possibility, but it certainly wasn't one that he wanted to entertain.

"Hmm…" Mickey leaned back against the wall. "Hate to ask this kid, but do you really expect your memories are going to come back? Like… the mind is resilient and all, but…" He blew out a long breath. "That seems like an awful lot of things to re-catalogue."

And that was the truth of it all. If this was the key to what was preventing his memories from sticking around, would that automatically mean he would get all of them back? Would these fits and starts of memories actually stick around? But then… one of the main problems hadn't been that he couldn't remember past events – it was that memories of current events were disappearing. He had read the dossier about his captivity. There was timestamped evidence. But he didn't remember any of it. So maybe… maybe if he could at least explore those peculiarities, he would gain some sort of benefit.

Mickey's eyes widened suddenly. "I… I didn't mean to be insensitive."

"It's okay."

"I just meant…" He trailed off, looking down at his hands. "Nico was there – and I find it hard to reconcile the fact that a teenager was there too – and he was messed up for weeks after it. Once he was cleared to come back, he hardly told us anything. But… you were there. He'd… he'd probably talk to you. Help you fill in some of those blanks."

It was true. Nico had already offered. But it hadn't done him much good when he was forgetting things. Maybe now… But they really needed to confirm his theory that it was all actually over first.

Alex was almost too nervous to actually try anything. He hadn't tried to get worked up. Hadn't tried to explore anything. All because he was afraid of what he may or may not learn from the experience. There were too many variables, after all.

His heart was starting to calm and he actually felt tired again.

But the memories were still there.

They both sat in silence for a long while and eventually Alex decided that it was well past time to get up. He no longer felt like his reality was splitting apart at the seams, so it was time to go back to being on his own. He pushed himself up off the ground, taking care not to put too much pressure on his right arm. It was a little disconcerting getting used to swapping arms.

Mickey didn't say anything as he left the bathroom, just let him pass by quietly.

Alex almost appreciated him for it.

It was certainly a strange experience.

There was little likelihood that he was going to get any sleep, so… Alex figured it was probably as good a time as any to catch up on the latest updates that Smithers sent him…


Alex felt like he was flying.

Everything was working out.

Everything was making sense.

Though, to be fair, they still had no idea on what exactly the device had done. But it had obviously affected his memory capabilities.

Because they were back now.

Alex barely kept from running into Nico when they reached the clearing. It had been three days since Jacobs had cleared him for exercise, nearly a week since they had removed the device, and there had been no blank spaces in his memory since. He remembered their entire running route, even knew what to expect at the clearing – which he had no previous memory of.

Nico tossed him a water bottle that someone had left behind for them – probably Cameron, since he was the one who had disappeared early in the morning.

"Nice catch."

Alex glanced down and realized he had caught the bottle with his braced left hand. It was another pattern he was noticing – he could do a lot more with his hand than he had realized. Although he dedicated time toward the rehabilitation exercises, he honestly hadn't noticed dramatic improvement in the past several weeks. He had thought he was plateauing.

"Keep moving kid," Nico said, pacing the clearing. "You don't want to seize up."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Not a kid."

Nico just responded by squirting water at him. "Keep moving, or Jacobs will have no pity."

Jacobs.

A SAS unit member, but also a bit controlling when it came to injuries. Despite the fact that Alex didn't use his arm for running, Jacobs had prevented him from going out earlier. He had also been quite explicit in detailing just how lucky they had all been that Alex hadn't bled out or injured the nerve in the process, and that that meant he should listen to Jacobs advice and guidance.

Alex was pretty sure most of it was baloney, but…

He paced the clearing, knowing that Nico would just keep bugging him for as long as he didn't move.

Mother hens, the lot of them.

Although there was improvement in the areas of physical health, Alex still hadn't managed to look at the report on his captivity. Nor had he found an appropriate time to bring it up with Nico… Mainly, because he was still somewhat fearful of what uncovering those memories might actually bring about. He had done as much reading on amnesia as he could during his limited internet time, but nothing had quite seemed to fit his symptoms. Neither anterograde nor retrograde amnesia really fit the description. It was more like a mix – along with whatever post traumatic memory loss he had as well. Whatever wasn't created by them.

In addition, many of those sources had suggested that recovery could takes months to years, and even then, not all the memories may return. Particularly if those memories were especially traumatic.

Which…

Captivity was likely the definition of traumatic.

But he didn't have months to years to get his brain figured out.

He needed to know now.

Nico nudged him in the shoulder. "Drink. Stop thinking, just drink."

Alex sighed, before taking a long drink. It was the middle of July and their location wasn't the coolest at that time of year. But then, they weren't exactly running at a punishing pace. Nico was clearly holding back, but Alex wasn't sure if that was what he had always done, or if it was in consideration of his more recent injury.

"Why don't you lead the way back?" Nico suggested, seeming to pick up on Alex's train of thought. "Just go… full out. Whatever you want. I can keep up."

Full out? He hadn't had a chance to sprint in months. Alex smirked, picking up the challenge. "Sure about that?"

Nico gave him an assessing glance. "Well… you've hung back so far. Unless you've been hiding things?"

"Sprint for it?" That light and carefree feeling rose in his chest again. Fun. It had been quite a while since he felt he had truly enjoyed doing something. Especially something so trivial as running.

"Alright… but no funny business. Straight back, no detours – or Jacobs will have you locked down so quickly you won't know what happened."

"Jacobs will?"

Nico shrugged. "I guess the rest of us will help as well."

Alex grinned, tossing his water bottle down by the tree. "Well, let's go then."

Nico eyed him warily, setting his own bottle down and stepping carefully around the tree. Planted trigger? It would make sense why they always stopped in the same place…

"Ready?"

Nico nodded.

"Go!" Alex took off, barely giving Nico a chance to process. He didn't expect to win – much too out of shape – but for now, he could at least enjoy the exhilarated thrill of being free.

Somewhat.

He would deal with all his other issues at a later time. For now, he had a point to make.


A/N: Are things finally looking up for Alex? Maybe? Now that he might get some of his memories back, what do you think they'll be? I look forward to and enjoy reading your comments and predictions!