Clarke was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She was now sitting in the surgical wing waiting room, but it was really no different than the ER waiting room. Same blue faux leather furniture, same dinged up coffee tables, same Reader's Digest magazines from ten years ago, same bored receptionist and same anxiously waiting families.

The day seemed never ending, and even now, it was only half past ten. The clock on the far wall seemed to tick by impossibly slowly as they waited for any more news on Raven. They'd only been told that her surgery was well underway and so far, there were no unexpected complications. Whatever that meant.

The boys, minus Bellamy, had gone out and brought back some supper, but Clarke had only picked at her takeout meal, her appetite absent. They passed the time in muted conversation, no one really knowing what to say. Clarke was ultimately relieved to have revealed her secret to her friends, but now they were awkward around her, despite Clarke's urging that she was perfectly fine.

"Do you think they got the van yet?" Bellamy asked her from where he was seated beside her on the small sofa.

"I'd think so, they left almost two hours ago."

"I just hope they didn't have too much trouble getting it back."

Clarke turned her head to look at Bellamy's tense face. He hadn't relaxed for even a second since he'd gotten here.

"I'm sure it was just fine," Clarke assured him. He only nodded, his eyes fixed on the carpet.

Clarke wasn't really sure what he was feeling, and she hadn't had much of a chance to talk to him. Now seemed like as good of a time as any, as Miller and Murphy had gone to retrieve his van from police holding, taking Jasper and Monty with them so they could head back to the dorms and get some sleep. Harper and Octavia had just left to go on a walk around the hospital to stretch their legs, leaving Bellamy and Clarke alone in the waiting room with strict orders to call them the second a doctor came out with more information.

The girls had refused to leave the hospital, and so had Bellamy. Clarke wondered if his determination to stay was based strictly off of a warped sense of responsibility he felt towards Raven. Not that Clarke minded, his presence was a godsend, and she honestly didn't know if she would have been able to hold up if he hadn't shown up when he did.

"I'm glad you're here, Bellamy."

He slowly looked over at her and smiled softly. "No place I'd rather be."

"I'd rather be anywhere else," Clarke muttered darkly.

Bellamy cleared his throat, leaning back into the stiff sofa. "You know what I meant."

"Yeah. I know."

They sat silent for a moment before Bellamy spoke up again. "You should get some rest, Princess."

"You know there's no chance in hell I'm leaving. We've already had this conversation like, six times."

"Yeah, figured you'd say that."

Clarke stifled a yawn, reaching her arms out in front of her in a stretch. Today had been one of the most draining days of her life, leaving her feeling as if she could sleep for a hundred years and still be tired when she awoke. Despite that, Clarke knew there was no way she'd ever fall asleep until she got word of Raven's condition. Poor Raven... everything was so damned unfair.

"Just lay down here, close your eyes for a bit," Bellamy suggested.

Clarke gave him a skeptical look, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawned again. Bellamy caught the contagious gesture and made no attempt to hide his yawn, his strong jaw flexing as his teeth caught in the fluorescent gleam of the overhead lights. For whatever reason, Clarke watched until he shook his head like a dog, his matted curls bouncing.

"I couldn't even if I tried," Clarke said. "But you should. I'm sure your day has been ten times worse than mine. I'll wake you up if anything interesting happens."

"Nah, jail wasn't that bad," he smirked, "Could've used some less restricting accessories, though."

Clarke half smiled, amused by his joke, but still cringed at the harsh red lines around his wrists that had yet to fade. She reached out and ran her fingers along the irritated skin. If she thought his wrists were bad though... his knuckles were on an entirely new level.

They were swollen and purple and crusted with blood in the creases of his skin.

"I can still get you some ice for these."

Bellamy shrugged, pulling his hand away from Clarke. "I've had worse before. They'll heal up in a few days."

Clarke sighed softly, looking up at his somber brown eyes, wisps of messy hair falling in front of them, when she remembered something.

"C'mere." She gestured to the floor and he frowned with confusion. "You'll like this, I promise."

Bellamy hesitantly slid off the couch and leaned back against it, tipping his head back to look at Clarke upside down. She scooted over and pushed his head back up with one finger.

Suddenly a spike of nervousness made Clarke's chest lurch, but she knew Bellamy would appreciate this. They'd been so close to one another all day, why would this be any different?

Starting at the base of his neck, she ran her fingers up his scalp, against the grain of his hair, ruffing it up even more.

"Mmm-" Bellamy groaned, leaning into her touch. Clarke pulled her fingers from the tangle of his hair as a woman sitting a few chairs away from them gave her an odd look.

"No, don't stop..." he practically begged her. If Clarke thought he liked this when he was drunk, then he really liked it when he was sober.

Clarke combed the knots out of his hair while his head lolled back into her lap, his eyes blissfully closed. Her plan of getting him to relax had worked even better than she'd expected; Bellamy was practically a puddle at her feet, so much so one would think she was doing something else to him...

Crushing that thought, Clarke relaxed her own shoulders back onto the couch, not moving her hand from Bellamy's hair. The dark ringlets coiled around her hand, looping around her fingers and shifting like a pool of dark water at her touch.

It was sort of mesmerizing to watch, and coupled with Bellamy's definite enjoyment, it was a worthwhile endeavor, despite the odd looks from the woman everytime Bellamy made a noise. Clarke just gave him a smack on the shoulder and he would give a lazy grin and a mumbled apology.

That was the first time since entering the hospital it didn't feel like the clocks were clogged up with molasses. Fifteen minutes passed in the blink of an eye, and Clarke's eyes were drooping more than ever. Bellamy had nodded off several minutes ago, his head nestled in the crook of Clarke's folded leg, but she hadn't stopped running her fingers through his hair. Maybe she worried it would wake him if she stopped, or maybe she just didn't want to stop.

Another couple minutes passed and Harper and Octavia appeared through the door, making their way over to where they had been sitting since they moved up to this waiting room hours ago. Clarke withdrew her hand and held a finger to her lips, nodding to Bellamy.

Octavia stopped in front of her older brother, rolling her eyes at him before smirking at Clarke and flopping down in her chair. Harper cooed over Bellamy like he was a baby, giving Clarke a thumbs-up like she had accomplished some amazing feat by getting him to fall asleep.

They settled back into the never ending waiting, but Clarke's thoughts remained on the man who was asleep in her lap. His steady, gentle exhales tickled the crook of her knee and the weight of his head felt comforting and reassuring. That was the sort of effect that he had on Clarke everytime he was around, to calm her down and keep her head level.

She thought back to earlier, when the only thing she's wanted for comfort was him. How her first thought was where he was and if he was okay. How as soon as she'd seen him in the waiting room downstairs, it was all she could do to throw herself into his arms. Somehow, in the few weeks they'd known each other, Clarke had wrapped herself around Bellamy so tightly, she wasn't sure she could break the bonds if she tried. It was partly terrifying, to depend on someone so completely, but it was also freeing and alleviating to know he had her back no matter the situation.

Clarke thought back to his earlier comment, about how there was no place he'd rather be. Of course, waiting on your friend to get out of potentially life-threatening surgery wasn't the greatest place to be, but Bellamy was by her side, so it could be worse. Much worse.


"Miss Griffin?" A voice and gentle shaking of her shoulder roused Clarke.

"Hmm?" She blinked awake, shifting on the couch which made her right shoulder spasm as it moved from the position it had been wedged in.

"Sorry to wake you, but Raven is out of surgery."

Clarke shot upright. Had she heard that right?

"She is? Oh!" It was disorienting to be woken up in a waiting room at an ungodly hour, but Dr. Jackson stood before her and Clarke couldn't be more pleased.

"Is she okay? I mean, how did the surgery go?" Clarke asked quickly.

"It was a long-"

"What? Who's there?" Bellamy's voice was groggy as he leapt to his feet from the floor, nearly toppling Dr. Jackson is his haste.

"Easy Bellamy!" Clarke said, reaching out a hand to grab his wrist. Bellamy shot a glance around the room, taking in the doctor, Clarke, then his sister and Harper, who were slumped against one another, sleeping on the adjacent couch.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Sit down," Clarke tugged him back to the couch when he flopped down, rubbing at his eyes. "Raven's out of surgery."

"Oh she is? How is she?" Bellamy asked Dr. Jackson and Clarke rolled her eyes.

The doctor only smiled kindly and picked up where he'd left off. "It was a long surgery, and we did experience some minor complications in trying to repair her sciatic nerve. The peroneal nerve was shredded by the bullet and we were unable to salvage it."

Clarke's heart sunk. Bellamy took in her reaction, frowning as he asked, "Well what's that mean?"

"It may mean that Raven will have loss of function in her left leg. We won't know the extent of the injury until she wakes up. It may be minor, and she may have only lost sensation in her toes, or it could be more extensive."

Clarke shook her head. "I don't- How much damage is there? Could you do a second surgery once she heals a little bit?"

Dr. Jackson gave a small shake of his head. "We won't know more until Raven wakes up, but at this point, if the damage is major, a second surgery won't be an option. We already had to stretch the remaining sciatica nerve tissue as it is, so there is nothing left to work with."

Clarke sighed, partly in frustration partly in sorrow.

"Can't she get like, a nerve transplant or something?"

"There are other options to be explored, if the damage is extensive, which it might not be. I only want to warn you for the worst case scenario."

"Okay... well, thanks doc," Bellamy said dejectedly.

"Of course. A nurse will come out when Raven is ready to receive visitors once she is settled in the recovery wing."

Clarke nodded as the doctor retreated.

"Well shit," Bellamy cursed.

"Poor Raven. What did she ever do to deserve any of this? It's bullshit," Clarke spat, entirely fed up with the constant stream of bad news.

"She sure did get dealt a shit hand," Bellamy agreed, and the two of them sat there, scowling at the unfairness of it all for a moment before composing themselves and going to inform the others.

"Well, at least there's still hope. We don't know yet," Harper said, ever the optimist.

"Yeah. At least she's not paralyzed in both legs. Now that would really suck," Octavia added. She had a point, but her delivery could have been better.

"What time even is it?" Bellamy asked in an obvious attempt to change the topic.

"4:13 AM." Harper read the clock on the far wall.

Bellamy's jaw stretched in a yawn as he said, "Early bird gets the worm, I guess. I'll call the boys."

"Should we just let them sleep? I mean, Raven was in surgery for-" Clarke paused to count the hours, "-twelve hours. She's gotta be under some pretty heavy sedation, so she probably won't even wake up for three or four hours."

Bellamy shrugged. "Whatever you think."

Clarke nodded, looking at her roommates for their opinions. In agreement, they settled back down to wait some more.

"Is today Monday?" Clarke asked. The anomalous events of the past few days had really done a number on Clarke's sense of time.

"Uhm... I think so?" Harper sounded uncertain as well.

"Yeah, definitely Monday," Octavia confirmed. "Looks like I'm skipping Geometry, let's go!"

"No, O'. You can go to class if you feel up to it. It won't do Raven any good to have all of us crowding around her bed all day," Bellamy said sensibly.

Octavia scowled and fell back against the couch. "I'm not feeling well at all, Bell. I think the hospital is exactly where I need to be."

Bellamy scoffed at his sister and swatted her knee, so she drew her feet up onto the couch. "Get some sleep so you'll be fresh and ready for math."

Octavia groaned, but she did sprawl out on the sofa, laying her arm over her eyes to block out the lights.

Harper wandered off to use the restroom as Bellamy sat back down, this time beside Clarke on the couch rather than on the floor.

"Sorry I fell asleep," he said, almost sheepishly.

Clarke smiled at him. "You slept like a baby."

He tittered at her. "Couldn't help it. Who told you that was my weakness? Because Octavia was sworn to secrecy."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Clarke said sweetly.

Bellamy mumbled something under his breath and leaned back until his head thunked against the wall, his eyes closed.

"What was that?" Clarke asked.

"Wake me up when something interesting happens," Bellamy asked, stretching his arms up to cradle his neck in his hands.

As it turned out, Bellamy didn't even have the chance to fall asleep before something interesting happened. Harper returned from the bathroom just as a nurse in navy scrubs entered the waiting room and sought Clarke out.

She watched with growing anticipation as the woman approached them, standing to greet her.

"Goodmorning, are you Clarke Griffin?"

"Yes ma'am."

The lady smiled sweetly, her appearance matching her thick southern accent. "Alright honey, I can take two of you back to see your friend right now."

Clarke nodded, glancing back at Bellamy who had stood up beside her.

"You and Harper go. Octavia already fell back asleep, I'll stay with her," he offered.

Clarke nodded and Bellamy squeezed her shoulder before she followed the nurse with Harper.

"So, is Miss Reyes a friend of yours or?" The nurse asked, holding a door open for them.

"She's our roommate," Harper explained, still whispering even though they were in an empty hallway now. It felt unnatural to talk loudly while it was still dark out.

"Hmm, she's got good friends in the two of you."

Clarke and Harper shared a look and nodded, taking a left turn and going through another door, this one the nurse had to scan a badge reader in order to enter.

"Whenever you're ready, you can bring your other friends up here. We have another waiting room where you all can hang out."

She led them to a reception desk and made them each a visitor sticker which they pasted on their chests.

"Now, you need to keep those visible at all times. Miss Reyes is right in here, room 672."

Clarke shared one more reassuring look with Harper before they followed the nurse into the room. Even though Clarke was familiar with hospitals, and had been trying to prepare herself for the sight of Raven, her heart still leapt when she saw her friend laid out on the bed.

Harper gasped and clutched Clarke's hand, tears slipping from her eyes. Clarke was glad for her support, but maintained her composure, trying to be strong for Harper. This was her fault, afterall, so she shouldn't be the one sobbing.

"I know she looks rough, but she has been through an awful lot. The sedation caused a bit of swelling in her hands and feet, so that's the purpling you see. That should fade in a few hours." The nurse breezed around the bed, checking on the heart monitor.

"Now, we just removed her respirator, the breathing tube, so her lips are pretty chapped and when she wakes up, her throat is going to be sore, so try not to let her talk too much. You definitely should still talk to her, but just let her nod or shake her head until the inflammation goes down."

Clarke and Harper walked up to the bedside as the nurse spoke to them.

"The doctor has her in a lumbar brace right now, so that's this funny contraction here. She's obviously got her IV in, and for now, she also has a catheter." The nurse smoothed the blankets across Raven's body, which looked too small and fragile beneath the stark white of the sheets.

"I know she doesn't look like herself right now, but she's still your friend. Don't be afraid to talk to her," she kindly urged.

"Can she hear us?" Harper asked in a shaky voice as she ghosted her finger along Raven's arm.

"You know, they don't know for sure, but I'll tell you one thing." The nurse waited until they both looked up before she said, "Every single time the family and friends talk to the patient, they wake up faster and more alert than if they don't. I've been working here for 27 years and time and time again, same thing. I am confident they can hear you, even if they don't remember it."

Clarke smiled as Harper asked the nurse a few more questions.

Raven's normally tan skin was ashen and pale, almost as white as the pillow case. Her arms and hands were sallow where they weren't bruised, and her fingernails were crusted with blood. Her hair was matted around her head, also sporting dried crimson tips. There was tape residue under her eyes where her lids must have taped down during her procedure. Her lips were chapped and cracked, as were her nostrils around the oxygen cannula.

"Now, it's been crazy busy up here tonight, so I haven't had the chance to clean her up yet."

"We can do it," Harper immediately offered, and Clarke nodded. Raven deserved a nice wash up before anyone else saw her.

"Well right on!" The nurse said. "I was hoping you might say that. Here's a basin and some washcloths, and this soap will get the adhesive off..."

Clarke tuned out the nurse as she explained where they could find everything they needed and released Harper's hand for Raven's. Clarke cradled her friend's hand like it was as fragile as a baby bird, running her thumb along Raven's knuckles. Her skin was cool and clammy.

"Alrighty girls. I'll be right out at the desk if you need anything, okay?"

"Yes, thanks Linda," Harper said and the nurse disappeared, clicking the door shut behind her.

For a moment, both girls just stared at Raven, still in a sort of disbelieving shock. The whole thing had been easier to think about as more of a twisted dream, but with the scene laid out before them, that was no longer possible. Raven had been shot and she could have died. Now she was alive, but at what cost? She might never be able to walk again.

Harper cleared her throat "Okay, let me fill this up..."

Together, Harper and Clarke worked together to gently remove as much gore as possible form Raven. They scrubbed and trimmed her fingernails, washed the ends of her hair, cleared the adhesive residue from her face and her IV port, and freshened her up.

The whole process felt, to Clarke at least, like a small repayment. Raven wouldn't be in this situation if only Clarke had been strong enough to just tell her the truth from the beginning. Everything could have been prevented, and now Clarke was going to spend the rest of her life living with that knowledge, attempting to make it up to Raven.

Harper brushed out Raven's dark hair, arranging it on the pillow around her head.

"She looks more like herself," Clarke said, tucking the blankets into place around her.

"Definitely," Harper agreed. "I hope that made you feel better, Raven. I know that whenever I'm sick, I feel worlds better after I've had a shower. I know you're not exactly sick, and this was more like a bed bath than a shower, but the principle is the same."

Clarke liked that Harper was talking to Raven, because she didn't know if she could. What would she say? All she could do was apologize, but it would never be enough.

AN_

Okay I'm just now realizing how depressing this story is right now. :( I totally promise it looks up in a little bit. Also, just wanted to keep you guys informed; I'm tentatively shooting for Chapter 40 to be the final chapter. Please let me know what you think length-wise for this story, and if you have anything you want to see resolved before the end. I think I'm getting most of my loose ends tied up, but I would appreciate the help.

As always, thanks for reading!

-Birch66724