Title: I Should Be Thanking You
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen(ish)
Pairing: Ethan/Rox and Leanne/Ed; mentions to past Ethan/Leanne
Summary: Leanne and Rox have a talk about the man who means so much to them both. Ethan and Ed have a talk about the woman who means so much to them both.
Author's Note: I hope this works out.
Rox had been struggling with things since her fight with Ethan.
And even though it had only been a few days, she was already missing him like crazy.
She had sulked around Emo's house the entire weekend before the woman had told her to get herself together.
She had argued with her that she needed to go back to Ethan, back to her home, but Rox had been unable to bring herself to do so.
So instead she had decided to work and not stop.
And after pulling two eighteen hour shifts she was exhausted and angry and sad and everything in between.
She had narrowly avoided Ethan, ducking into the bathroom when she saw him in the hallway.
And then she had headed to Leanne's office, her mind focused on one thing and one thing only.
She needed answers.
And she knew that if there was anyone who would have them, Leanne would be it.
Knocking on the door softly she waited for the sound of the other woman's voice, her hands shaking as she held her breath.
"Come in." Leanne's voice was soft and she let out a sigh as she gently pushed the door open.
"Hey." She whispered, her head hanging downward as she crossed the threshold into the room.
"Hey Rox." She was surprised that she didn't hear the slightest amount of anger in the other woman's voice.
They hadn't exactly been on the best of terms lately.
"Can we talk?" She asked quietly, shutting the door behind her as she sighed.
"Is everything okay?" Leanne set her pen down and pushed herself away from the desk. "You feeling alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Except she wasn't fine.
In fact, she was far from it.
"What's up?" Leanne dropped to the couch, her hands reaching up to remove her glasses from her face, placing them on the table beside her.
"I'm worried about Ethan." She hoped that Leanne would understand where she was coming from.
"Yeah." She let out a sigh as she leaned back against the cushions, patting the space beside her and motioning for Rox to join her. "I wondered how long before this came up."
"So you know what's going on?" She crossed her arms over her chest as she stared back at her.
She didn't know why she was jealous at the concept, Leanne was his best-friend after all.
"Sit down Rox." She patted the space once more and Rox sighed.
She knew that Leanne was just trying to make her more comfortable, but she felt like a child being scolded by a parent.
"Why? Is Ethan okay?" She moved to sit down, her heart racing in her chest as she tried to calm her nerves. "Did something happen to him?"
"How much do you know about Ethan's brother Rox?" Leanne's question caused her to do a double take.
She didn't know what Robbie had to do with anything.
"Not much. He told me he killed himself a few years ago." She honestly didn't know anything about the younger Willis brother and she tried not to let her bother her. "That's all I know."
"Tuesday was the anniversary of Robbie's death." She whispered back, her eyes closing briefly as she took a deep breath.
"Oh." She had no idea that that was the case.
"Ethan found Robbie's body four years ago." She could make out the tears forming in Leanne's eyes and she wondered just how much the other woman knew about what had happened. "He's never forgiven himself."
"He blames himself?" She didn't understand why, surely it wasn't Ethan's fault.
"Very much so." Rox got the feeling that Leanne held a certain sense of guilt inside her too.
She had no idea that they had had a relationship, but she guessed it wasn't crazy to believe.
Her and Ethan had been together four years ago, of that she knew.
"But it wasn't his fault." She hated that Ethan blamed himself for something like that.
He always did take things hard.
"You try telling Ethan that. You know how he can get Rox. He takes things to heart." She knew that better than anyone. "Losing Robbie, it screwed with his head. He walks around carrying this burden and it's broken him. Every year on the anniversary of his death he just kind of, fades away."
"I don't understand why he won't tell me any of this." She didn't understand why he hadn't talked to her. She would have been there for him. "Why he won't he talk to me? He's normally so open with me."
"He doesn't talk to anyone about it Rox. He shuts himself away for the week." She couldn't believe this was going to last even longer. She just wanted him back in. "He doesn't answer his phone, he doesn't leave his house. He just sits and wallows."
"What can I do?" She wanted to help somehow, that's what she was here for.
"Wait it out." She sighed at Leanne's response.
She didn't want to wait it out, her patience level was already low.
"I don't wanna wait it out!" She hadn't meant to shout at the other woman, but she had, and she instantly regretted it.
"Look Rox, I know it's hard," She reached out and patted her arm gently as she spoke, "but you've gotta understand, he just needs to be alone for a little bit."
"But I'm his girlfriend, or at least I thought I was." She felt her heart breaking at the thought of that not being the case anymore. "Isn't it my job to have his back when he's in trouble?"
"It is, but this is different." The softness in Leanne's voice made her realize that if there was anyone in this world who understood what it was like to struggle with Ethan and his demons, it was her.
She had known him for five years.
She had seen him at his worst.
"Different how?" She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer to that question.
"No amount of comfort you offer him can bring his brother back. And he knows that. So he's going to lash out at you." Leanne sounded just as defeated as she felt and she wondered what had possibly transpired between the two in the past few days. "Trust me, I've been on the other end of that anger the past four years and it's hard. He hides away because it's easier for him to protect himself and the people he cares about."
"I don't like this." She whispered.
She didn't like it one bit and she wouldn't pretend that she was okay with this.
"I know Rox, but you don't have to like it." Leanne patted her arm once again and offered her a reassuring smile. "He just needs his space and once he's gotten back in the right frame of mind he'll be fine again."
"We had a bad fight." She felt guilty for not realizing the importance of the days ahead of Ethan.
She knew she should have been there to support him through it all but it was breaking her heart not knowing how to help him.
"And I promise all will be forgiven when he gets out of this rut." She sounded so sure of herself and Rox let out a breath. "Trust me."
"How can you be so sure?" She wasn't convinced though.
After everything they had been through, she didn't know if Ethan would care to try and make things right with her.
"Because for the past four years we've destroyed each other during this week. I couldn't let it go, he wouldn't let me in." That sounded all too familiar to Rox and she was shocked to hear that Leanne wasn't even really able to get through to Ethan during this dark time. "We've been down this road as both friends and lovers. It doesn't get any easier but I've learned to respect his space. This year, it's your turn."
"Will he ever confide in me?" She didn't know if Ethan would ever let her in like he had Leanne.
She knew that what they had had was special, but she sometimes felt like she was always living in the woman's shadows.
Like everything she did was being compared to her and her greatness.
"Maybe." She shrugged her shoulders as she tried to reassure her that things would get better.
"He confided in you." She hated sounded like a pouty, jealous child, but that's how she felt.
"I knew Ethan when it all happened Rox. I was there. I watched him fall apart. It's different." She could respect that, and at the same time, she couldn't. "We have a history together. Once you two have been together for a while you'll have that too."
"He doesn't trust me." She whispered.
At least that was how it felt, especially lately.
"It's not that. He just doesn't open up about these kinds of things to people. I'm the only one who knows about his brother here. I'm the only one who he talked to about it." She didn't doubt that for a second. Ethan was a private man and there wasn't much that he talked to other people about. "Other than his dad and I, I don't think anyone knows what really happened. How bad things really were. The fact that he even told you part of the story says a lot Rox."
"I hate this." She could feel the tears in her eyes and she swallowed. She really didn't want to break down in front of Leanne. Not now, not after everything they had been through. "I try so hard and it's never good enough."
"It is good enough. Trust me. He loves you Rox, more than anything in this world." She could hear the regret in Leanne's voice and it made her feel both exhausted and thankful. "And while it pains me at times to see him happy with someone who's not me, I'm glad it's you. You two are meant to be together. You belong together. And I can promise you that there is no one else he would rather be with."
"I love him so much. I just... I don't know how to tell him that sometimes." She wasn't good at these types of things. She had warned Ethan about it plenty of times and yet he always seemed so shocked when things like that happened. "He always seems so open and he's so expressive and I just..."
"That's who Ethan is Rox. He was like that with me too. I wasn't one to express my feelings openly, not after what I'd been through. I always felt like I wasn't good enough." Rox had a hard time believing that Leanne wasn't good enough for Ethan. "Eventually, it became too much and we couldn't do it anymore. He loved me more than I could ever love him and we both knew that."
"So you broke up?" She had always wondered what had broken their relationship up.
They had certainly loved each other very passionately at one point in time.
And they had certainly loved their daughter more than anything.
To have that kind of bond break apart meant something intense had to have happened along the way.
"He wanted more Rox. A family, a home, marriage. He wanted a life with Ariel and I and I wasn't prepared to give him that." She was shocked to hear the other woman say that. "He understood but it broke his heart. Breaking up was his idea and I agreed that it was for the best."
She couldn't believe that Ethan wasn't willing to fight for Leanne.
She wondered if he would stop fighting for her eventually too.
"I don't want that to happen to us." She whispered, wiping at her tear filled eyes with her hand. "I don't wanna lose him."
"You won't Rox." Leanne reached out and gripped her hand tightly in hers as she spoke.
"But..." She didn't know why this woman was comforting her.
She was surely still the enemy at this point.
"You won't. You want those things too. Of that much I'm certain." Leanne had known her a long time. Long enough to understand what she had been through and why she was the way she was. "It might take you two some time, but you'll get there."
"I don't wanna hurt him." She was so scared of breaking the already fragile man and it killed her to think that he would one day fall apart because of her.
"You won't." Leanne squeezed her hand once more and smiled. "You haven't been together that long Rox, give it time."
"It's been almost a year." Their anniversary was in early September. It was already the middle of July. She should have started to see some sort of progress shouldn't she? "Shouldn't I know by now if I want to spend the rest of my life with him?"
"I had Ethan for 2.5 years. 2.5 wonderful years that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. He's still my best friend, he still loves our daughter just as much, if not more, than the day he left. He still has my back when it matters most. But never once in those 2.5 years did I imagine marrying him." She had a hard time believing that. Leanne and Ethan had been perfect together. And while she had been an outsider through the entirety of their relationship, she knew Leanne better than most, and she knew that she had never been happier. "I never imagined myself having his children or growing old with him. We had fun and we made some good memories and we helped each other through some tough stuff. But I never saw myself being his wife, or even his woman, for the rest of my life."
"I..." She wanted that life more than anything and she was almost thankful that Leanne hadn't been able to cope with it all.
"You do though don't you?" There was a twinkle in her eye and Rox let out a breath.
Leanne knew her all too well.
"I think so." She knew deep down that she wanted it.
But saying those words out loud was something she hadn't quite come to terms with yet.
"You think so?" Leanne must have sensed her anticipation.
And she saw right through it.
"I love him. I've never loved anyone before." And that part was true.
She had never loved anyone.
Except Emo.
But that was it.
Not her parents. Not a guy. Not even her friends.
While she and Leanne may have been through a lot together, she didn't even know what loving friends was like.
She had always just been alone, fending for herself.
It wasn't until the past year and a half that Ethan had started to show her that it was possible to be more than just a shell of a person.
"He's a special guy." Leanne whispered.
Rox could tell the other woman was struggling with this conversation and she felt bad.
Leanne deserved the world and everything in it.
After her accident she had been a shell of a person too.
Rox figured that might have been why they bonded so well back then.
But now, now she was alive and happy and living her best life.
She had a daughter who loved her and who she loved.
And she had a man who was absolutely crazy about her.
She was glad that her friend had finally found happiness, even it meant that she had to lose Ethan in order to do it.
"He makes me so happy. I've never had anyone care about me the way he does." No man had ever showed her positive attention. And no man had ever loved her so deeply without even trying. "He goes out of his way constantly to make me feel better. He makes me smile and laugh and I've never had so much fun with anyone in my whole life."
"He's good at that I remember." Rox remembered Ethan always gushing over Leanne when they were together.
He had been smitten about the woman and she wondered if he felt the same way about her.
"He spoils me. He's always surprising me with little gifts or nights out. He's always whisking me away for a weekend getaway when he can." He spoiled her, absolutely rotten, and she knew that if they ever broke up that she'd never be able to move on from him. "He lets me sleep in and he brings me breakfast in bed. He holds my hand in public and he's never afraid to tell me he loves me."
"That sounds like Ethan for sure." Leanne smiled at her as she squeezed her hand again.
"I love him Leanne." She could barely get the words out but it felt good to say them out loud.
Admitting them to someone else was the first step in making things better.
"It sounds like it." She offered her a raised eyebrow.
"Do I really wanna marry him someday?" She didn't know why she asked that question but she needed some help answering it.
She was thinking about it more and more with everyday that passed.
"I don't know, do you?" Leanne chuckled with her question and Rox sighed.
"I think I do." She whispered her response as she hung her head.
She knew that it was nothing to be ashamed of, but at the same time, admitting it was something she never thought she'd do.
"Then I'm sure it'll happen one day." When she lifted her head Leanne was still smiling at her and she was grateful.
She had half expected the woman to get angry with her for admitting such things.
"I don't know why he'd want to spend the rest of his life with me." She hated the pity party, but that was just part of who she was at this point.
"He loves you Rox. Everyone in this hospital can see that." She knew the others were well aware of their relationship at this point. She had wanted to keep it a secret but Ethan had told her that there was no point. "He needs you just as much as you need him, even if he doesn't come right out and say it."
"You think it could really happen?" She was getting visions of white dresses and flowers and Ethan all dressed up.
It was making her heart race in her chest.
"I know it could." She squeezed her hand between both of hers this time, offering her a reassuring smile.
"Thank you Leanne." She was so glad to have a friend like her. "For everything."
"No Rox, thank you." She was shocked at the other woman's thanks.
She hadn't done anything.
"For what?" She didn't understand why she would be thankful for her, especially after everything they had been through.
"For making him so happy. For loving him like I couldn't." She choked out her words, her eyes filling with tears. "You both deserve the world and I'm so glad that you guys are able to give it to each other."
Rox knew that deep down Leanne would always love Ethan in a way that she never could.
And she knew that Ethan would always love Leanne in a way that he would never love her.
But she also knew that their friendship was thicker than most and that she would be crazy to try and break it.
She needed Leanne just as much as Ethan did.
And that much was apparent.
"I'm certainly trying." She whispered.
She wanted a life with him, a happily ever after.
She prayed that with Leanne's help they could one day make that happen.
"And you're doing a wonderful job at it. Trust me." She smiled back at the other woman before pulling her into a hug, her arms wrapping around Leanne's neck tightly.
Leanne's arms wrapped around her as well, hugging her back tightly as she whispered another 'thank you' against her head.
Rox still wasn't sure why the other woman was thanking her, but she was willing to accept it.
After all, she was trying to change for the better.
— — — — —
Ethan was exhausted as exhausted came.
He just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep for days.
Instead he had wound up crashing on Leanne's couch after their trip to cemetery and that is where he had stayed for the past few nights.
It was nice to have Leanne and Ariel so close again.
And he had slowly gotten used to having Ed around every so often as well.
Except for right now.
Right now, he wasn't used to Ed being around, and it was making things slightly awkward.
"Please for the love of God tell me you have pants on." Ethan slammed his eyes shut as he caught sight of Ed sitting on the couch in the den, his bare back clearly visible from the hallway.
"What kind of animal do you think I am?" Ed snapped back, his eyes staring back at Ethan as he shoved a potato chip in his mouth.
"You're naked." He pointed at the other man as he made his way into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge before opening it with a sigh. "Please tell me my daughter doesn't see you like that."
He could practically see Ed's eyes rolling in his head.
"For the record," Ed turned his attention back toward the baseball game on the TV, "I had a shirt on. I just got salsa on it."
Ethan chuckled at his response.
For a man who was normally so well put together, Ed Harbert was a sloppy eater.
"Riiiight." He had teased the other man about it mercilessly for years.
"True story." He held up the shirt in question, a giant stain right there in the middle of the chest. "Leanne's gonna kill me. She loves this shirt."
"It'll come out in the wash." He moved toward the den, his legs demanding that he sit after his six mile run that morning. "Do it now before she gets home and she'll never know."
He had learned long ago to do his laundry before the woman caught sight of his dirty clothes.
He was never actually getting into trouble, but his clothes sometimes told a different story.
"I can do that?" Ed seemed shocked at Ethan's suggestion and he laughed as he plopped down beside the man on the couch.
"You do know how to use a washing machine right Ed?" The other man rolled his eyes as he threw the dirty shirt at him.
"Yes, you ass." He grabbed another chip before leaning back against the couch cushions with a sigh. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you would've gone home by now."
"Nope." He stretched his legs out onto the table and snagged a chip from the bag. "Why, does me being here bother you?"
Ed shifted his gaze toward the man and raised an eyebrow.
"I mean…" He shrugged his shoulders as he gritted his teeth together. "It is a little weird to have my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend sleeping on our couch."
Ethan raised an eyebrow at his comment.
So it was 'their couch' now?
"Since when did this become 'our' couch?" He wasn't angry, not at all.
He liked Ed.
In fact, the man was one of his best-friends.
But he was still having a hard time accepting the fact that he and Leanne were a thing.
A very serious thing from the sounds of it.
"Well… I…" Ed was stumped and he loved it.
He always had a way of getting under his skin, sometimes without even trying.
"I mean, to each his own…" He really didn't care if Ed was living here, it wasn't really any of his business after all.
He did however want to know simply for curiosity's sake.
"I…" The other man's face was starting to lose it's color and Ethan let out a sigh.
"I don't care man." He threw his hands up in silent defeat. "This isn't my house anymore. As long as my kid is safe and taken care of, I don't care what you and Leanne do here."
He meant every word that he was saying too.
He cared about Leanne and Ed was his friend, if they wanted to live together, let them.
As long as Ariel wasn't being effected negatively, he didn't give a damn where their relationship was headed.
"It's not like, a permanent thing." Ed almost sounded, disappointed.
"Well it should be." He didn't know why he whispered that out loud, but he did, and he instantly regretted it.
The other's man head snapped in his direction, his eyes wide with shock.
"Thanks." He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke softly. "I think."
Ethan swallowed as he leaned back against the cushions.
"You two are great together." He meant that too. "She seems really happy with you."
Ed let out a sigh as he turned his attention back toward the TV.
"She was happy with you too you know?" He knew that Ed had always thought their relationship to be an odd one, though he would never come right out and say it.
At least not while sober.
And certainly not while in Leanne's presence.
"Not happy enough." He had loved Leanne with all his heart and now that she wasn't his anymore he had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't give her what she wanted.
"You know why it happened the way it did E." He said softly.
Ed had been there for the start of their relationship.
He had also been there for the end.
He knew better than almost anyone, aside from maybe Jesse, how badly things had been.
They had hid it well from Ariel, but their friends weren't fooled.
"I was an idiot." He whispered.
He had let his heart take over and had stopped using logic and that had been the end of it.
He had pushed and she had pulled and they had destroyed each other from the inside out.
"Well there's that…" Ed tipped his now empty beer bottle in his direction and he chuckled.
At least they could laugh about it now right?
"I'm glad you stepped in." He hadn't been okay with at first.
He felt almost, betrayed.
But then he had realized how broken and sad and lonely Leanne was and it had made things worse.
When Ed had stepped in he had noticed a change, a positive one, almost immediately.
"I vaguely remember you threatening to kill me one night." Ed said with a smile.
"I was drunk." He said softly. "And if I recall correctly, I caught you two making out in a corner booth at the Grove."
He had tried his best to forget about that night, but it was there in the back of his mind.
And that moment stuck like glue.
"Oops." There was no shame in Ed's voice though and Ethan couldn't help but chuckle. "That was never our intention."
"Making out?" He raised an eyebrow in the man's direction.
"Getting caught." He said with a laugh.
Ethan couldn't help but join them.
Leanne was much less into the PDA with Ed compared to how she had been with him.
At least at the current moment.
"She needed you." Ethan whispered after a minute. "I'm glad you were there to pick up the pieces."
"She picked up her own pieces Ethan." Ed whispered back. "I just kind of made sure they stayed together."
He liked his analogy, it was a very accurate description of Leanne and the way she had handled their break-up.
"Either way, thank you." This time it was Ethan who tipped his beer toward Ed, a small smile on his face as he did so.
"You're welcome." Ed tipped his bottle inward, clinging it against his, a small smile on his face as well. "It was my pleasure."
He made a gagging noise as he rolled his eyes.
He knew what Ed was insinuating and he thought it was just slightly distasteful.
But only slightly.
He knew Ed well enough to know that he meant nothing by it.
"You and Rox seem good together." The man's comment came out of nowhere and Ethan snapped his head in his direction as he tried to process it.
He and Rox were great together.
And yet, they weren't.
"Thanks." He whispered.
He wondered if Ed knew about their failing relationship.
He would surely mock him for it endlessly.
"Leanne told me you guys had a fight." Ethan would have been mad if Ed were anyone other than, well, Ed. "She said that's why you've been staying here."
"Yeah, well, sort of." He hadn't been staying at their place because of his fight with Rox.
Rather, he was staying there because he didn't want to be alone.
And Rox had made it pretty clear that she wasn't coming home anytime soon.
"You two should talk Ethan." Ed's voice was quiet and there was a gentleness to it.
He was back in confidant mode and out of friend mode.
"We've tried talking." He couldn't imagine trying to talk to her anymore than he already had. "We don't do so well at that part."
They were great at the other stuff though.
"Well you know just as well as I do that you need to keep trying." He sounded like he was talking to a small child and Ethan let out a sigh.
"Thanks for the advice Ed." He growled.
He didn't know why what the other man had said made him so angry, but it did.
"I'm just saying E." But he knew that, yet again, Ed didn't mean anything by it. "You guys love each other, everyone can see that. You need to find a way to make it work."
Ethan just let out a sigh as he sank even further back against the couch.
"You're much happier when she's around." He knew that part was true.
He felt like a completely different person when he was with Rox.
He was happy and at peace and everything made sense.
Without her he was empty and lost and broken.
He hated it.
"I don't know if I can fix this one." He had screwed up pretty bad this time around.
He had let her walk out the door without so much as a fight.
"You can fix it." Ed reached out and patted his arm as he spoke. "You're good at that part."
Ethan swallowed.
He had always prided himself on fixing things with people, even when they didn't seem fixable.
It's why his breakup with Leanne had been such a shock to everyone.
"I'm gonna try." He whispered softly.
"Good." Ed whispered back.
They sat in silence, both watching the Dodgers game on TV, for a little while longer.
And Ethan was thankful for the silence, almost as much as he was thankful for the friendship.
*Don't forget to comment!
