CW: brief mentions of childhood trauma/abuse, as well as some other very emotionally sensitive topics

Notes: Please keep in mind that this chapter has some heavy stuff in it, but I feel like it's necessary for them to talk about. I also wanted to touch on how trauma can deeply impact a person's ability to form connections/relationships, often in ways they don't always realize or can explain easily.

Eclipse

Chapter 33

The Lodge

Raven desperately wanted to get out of bed. She had been laid out for several days already, half drugged out of her mind with a rather feisty cocktail of painkillers and aura-boosters. However, her leg had suffered significant damage from the gravity Dust kunai, so until she was properly healed up, she was not allowed to go anywhere.

Which in her opinion, she needed to hurry up and do, so that team STRQ and Joan could return to Beacon from their 'hunting trip'. They'd already missed nearly a week of class so far. As far as their alibi was concerned, that was acceptable; but pushing it.

She was irritated by her current state, but logically recognized that, considering the amount of damage done, her injury was stitching up rapidly. The kunai had punched a hole all the way through, meat and bone, cleanly cutting through her femur. It was a miracle she didn't lose the whole limb, honestly; and the catastrophic loss of blood she'd suffered had very nearly taken her ass out of this mortal coil for good.

She knew she'd gotten lucky. Especially since there were several healers readily available among the skinchangers, who had set her leg so the bone could heal properly; otherwise she could have easily become crippled and needed surgery to fix it.

Still, there was nothing for her to do right now but sit still, twiddle her thumbs, and will herself to be better. Currently, they were fifty kilometers out from Burhhurst, hiding out in a long-forgotten Hunter's Lodge that Joan had discovered at one point in her career and kept to herself for whatever reason. Van had previously deposited several of Taiyang's focal points within range there, along with an active mirror piece for Summer; which ultimately ended up saving their bacon.

Because getting to the Lodge had been an adventure, and not one she cared to repeat. After Raven had been revived by Taiyang and stabilized enough to use her Semblance without being in immediate danger of aura drop, Summer had used the mirror-ways to go to the Lodge. Then Raven had blearily opened a portal to her, and the sunny side of STRQ had bodily carried the unfortunate twins through to the new hideout.

Said hideout had been built underneath a dilapidated cabin, and ran on Dust generators which had been built to withstand the test of time; it was large enough to accommodate almost one hundred people, as most Lodge's were built with rescues or large hunting parties in mind.

Lodge's dotted the different continents, typically marked on a variety of maps and emergency service sites. However, this one had apparently been forgotten, after some breach or immense disaster of yesteryear; it wasn't on any current maps, and no one living would know where it was or how to find it. The skinchangers would be safe to hide out there for as long as they needed; and it would be a valuable resource for them and any free people in the region who needed a place of safety, and to coordinate with other tribes in the region to get the word out about the King's Service; or that was hope, anyways.

So, after being stabilized even further, Raven had managed to successfully open the portal to her mother and Joan. She had still been laid out in Taiyang's arms as dozens of frantic skinchangers charged through her Semblance and into relative safety.

Despite being mostly out of her mind, Raven had stayed awake and aware long enough for Nwyfre and Joan to reach safety. The Morrigan and Joan had both looked dog beat, but victorious when they exited the portal and entered the dimly lit confines of the Lodge. Then Nwyfre had, despite her blatant exhaustion, promptly swooped over to check on her and Qrow.

After reassuring herself that the twins were both still alive, would stay that way, and were in good care, the Morrigan had pulled herself away to begin organizing with the skinchangers and helping them plan out the next stages of the coming weeks. Yet before doing so, Nwyfre had had a silent moment with Taiyang, who had at that point, refused to budge or let Raven go. Raven was pretty sure that Nwyfre had actually gripped his shoulder in solidarity, before moving away to attend to her duties. However, Raven had also been delirious and could have very well imagined the whole exchange.

The next couple of days that had followed had mostly been a blur of activity for everyone else, and all Raven had been allowed to do was watch from the sidelines. Qrow ended up spending the most time with her actually, despite the other two's tendency to want to hover. He had recovered from the unknown anesthetic poison after several hours of unconsciousness, and regained full use of his limbs after a total of twelve hours. So the two of them had been stuck laying in the Lodge's infirmary while the rest of the Lodge ran amok; and even after he recovered, he never really left.

The twins didn't really talk about what had happened. Not yet. Raven knew that it was probably affecting him more than it was her emotionally. After everything that occurred with their bio family, Raven had spent the past eleven years dutifully deleting them from her memory.

What little she let herself remember from before that final day, besides the relief on the woman's face as they were trundled off, was…..well.

It really didn't matter to her.

Qrow was, of course, different than she was when it came to such things. He carried emotional pain and expressed it differently than she did. He was closer to his feelings and they flowed through him easier. However, her brother held his hurts underwater in an attempt to quiet them, but never fully let them go; and eventually they would bob back up to the surface again. Or lash out of the deeps and drag him under for a bit. He always carried more guilt and shame than was fair for him to carry, and Raven didn't always know how to help.

She knew he blamed himself for her technically dying because of his Semblance; but his Semblance didn't make Verdant throw a knife at her, and it didn't make the Crom Cruach fail to protect their children from predators. However, she knew that she couldn't get him to talk about his feelings directly yet. Instead, they played cards and sat in silence, mostly, and he'd let her win way more than she should have been winning.

They needed to tell their mom who Verdant was, but knew if they did, she'd probably go kill the son of a bitch; or drag him in front of the Jiani and tribes he'd hurt and betrayed. Which, in Raven's opinion, was totally fine. However, she instinctively knew that Qrow didn't want that.

He probably wanted to confront the bastard himsel,f first. Which was a dangerous and foolish ass idea, as her leg and near death experience could attest.

Naturally, it was all a bit of a dilemma; and since all she could do was sit around at the moment, it was something she was stuck thinking about that evening in the infirmary, as her mind became a bit sharper as the painkillers started to slowly wear off again.

Raven yawned slightly, glancing at her twin. He was currently sitting on a chair next to her bed in the small, recently cleaned infirmary; it was late, but she couldn't tell what precise hour. Summer was doing something in the mirrorways with Nwyfre, and Taiyang was helping make food for the dozens of skinchangers, half of whom were apparently their age or younger.

The fact that her biological parent, who had thrown them both away to slavers to save himself, was now a part of a group stealing children from the tribes and families that actually wanted them was...deeply disturbing. And something she didn't want to think too hard about, no matter how stuck with her thoughts she was.

Then, a knock on the doorframe. She smirked when she saw who it was. Qrow didn't really react, continuing to play a game on his scroll.

"Why are you knocking?" Raven asked.

Taiyang shrugged carefully, balancing three plates of food in his arms; he had kicked the door with his boot to knock.

"In case you guys were sleeping," he explained, which didn't feel quite right, but she let it go.

That was another dilemma.

Tai and Summer had both immediately detected that something was up with the twins, besides getting their asses fully handed to them. However, Raven was doped out of her wits a good portion of the day, and Qrow was….not in the mood to be badgered about his feelings. Which, if they weren't so busy, the other two would have gone about regardless.

"Hungry?" Tai prompted, meeting her eyes.

Despite all that, he kept trying to take care of her; and while it was actually kind of enjoyable, she wasn't quite sure how to react. So naturally, she would become awkward instead of behaving any other reasonable way.

"Um," she blanked for a moment. "You don't have to keep bringing me things-"

"Yea, Tai, let her starve," Qrow quipped, without looking up from his scroll. "That's what I'd do."

Taiyang rolled his eyes as she flicked the top of Qrow's skull, and scooted into the room, setting the plates down on the nearby table.

"Just let me do nice things for once," Taiyang said with a laugh. "I promise I didn't poison it."

Raven resisted the powerful urge to parry this with some kind of snarky remark, still feeling rather squishy and uncertain about everything. They'd kissed the other night and she'd told him probably way more than she should have; but that's what happens when you almost fucking die and the guy you happen to have feelings for literally resuscitates you.

It's like a law somewhere or something, she didn't make the rules.

"Here," he pressed the plate into her hands, followed by a fork. She held it carefully. "It's honestly pretty good - you know, for canned food."

"Do you dorks want the room?" Qrow droned flatly.

Taiang rolled his eyes, and bumped Qrow with his foot. Qrow did not react to this at all.

"Do you want to talk about what's actually bothering you? Or are you going to keep being a little salt baby?" Tai asked, turning around and pushing another plate towards him.

No answer at all, as Qrow killed monsters on his phone.

Taiyang frowned, glancing her way. She wasn't entirely sure what to do here, and instead took a bite of food. Tai squinted at her suspiciously. She glanced back at her brother.

"Hey," she started.

Qrow grunted.

"We should tell them," Raven said.

Qrow grunted again.

"Yea, we should," she persisted.

Qrow groaned suddenly and leaned back against the bed.

"Aw, I fuckin died again!" he bemoaned.

"Qrow," she droned flatly.

He sighed in irritation, stood up and slunk out of the room. Taiyang stared after him, looking both angry and confused.

"Why is he acting like this," Taiyang grumbled, shaking his head as he stared after his partner. "I don't get like - what aren't you guys telling us? And hey, why do you two keep secrets all the damn time?"

Raven groaned and leaned back into her pillow, without spilling her plate.

"Because we're a couple of trauma-goblins or something, Tai, I don't fucking know."

He gave her a very skeptical stare and she swallowed a little nervously, trying to lighten the mood.

"We horde little stashes of messed up information under the floorboards," she waved laconically. "It's how we cope or whatever."

"Okayyyyy," he drew out, stepping closer and sitting on the bed next to her. She fought the urge to fidget. "But. What are you guys coping with and not telling us? Besides this? Because I'm not dumb, ok, I know something is wrong."

She paused momentarily. Taiyang saw her hesitation and sighed.

"Raven. Look…I'm not going to drag things out of you. I don't want to. But," he scratched behind his ear. "Sometimes I feel like you guys still don't trust me. And-"

Her mouth parted in protest, but she didn't interject.

"I know that's not necessarily the truth of it. Like you said, you're both trauma-goblins or whatever. It's just. It does hurt," he admitted, his voice getting a little heavier with emotion. "Because I see you guys - I see you- struggle with something, and I want to help, but...you just scoot it under the floorboards. And I don't know why."

Raven glanced away, staring at the bandages on her leg peeking out from under the sheets.

"I don't know why you hide it from me."

She knew why. Or part of the reason why. It was compulsive, really. Like this overwhelming feeling of dread, that something awful would happen if she didn't.

Hide the skeletons, or the world is going to end...

But it also, obviously, created emotional distance between herself and the other person; between her and him.

She realized that she didn't hide these things as fiercely from Summer as she did from Taiyang; perhaps because at this point, she felt that Summer would not reject her for whatever it was. Taiyang, though, she wasn't entirely positive about, and Raven honestly didn't know where this fear came from. Or which box she had squirreled this fear away in, in the labyrinth of boxes that was her mind.

Maybe it was because she had gotten closer to Summer faster, because they were partners. Or maybe because Taiyang was a man and that made things like vulnerability harder to express around him.

She realized, slowly, that this was actually not that improbable. Because besides Qrow? Raven didn't have any genuinely close connections with men.

"I'm," she started carefully. "I'm not entirely sure, either. It's not anything you're doing wrong, Tai-"

"It's not you, it's me," he air-quoted and rolled his eyes, but there wasn't any real heat there.

Raven inhaled and steepled her fingers as she stared at him, trying to process things. He was getting nervous.

"Ok. Time out," she said. He blinked slowly. "Um."

She moved the plate of food from her lap to the table next to the bed and then took his hand.

"So you know how we always take the piss out of each other?" Raven said. He nodded, still looking nervous. "Which is lots of fun and I really like that we do that. But I think maybe we need a time out phrase or something; that way we can have more serious conversations without….poking at each other out of habit."

Taiyang's mouth twisted a little as he fought the instinct to make a shitty joke. She knew exactly what the shitty joke was too.

"Yes, like a fucking safe word," she rolled her eyes.

"Ok!" he breathed out, letting a slight chuckle. "Haha, ok. That's not a bad idea actually."

"Thanks," she drawled. "I have good ideas sometimes."

"Hey, you said time out," he shook his finger. "We can't be sarcastic dicks during time out. It is only sincere dicking hours right now."

"Don't make me regret saying this, please," she pinched the bridge of her nose. He smiled, before reaching out and taking her hand.

"Alright, I'm sorry," Tai held her hand with both of his. She realized how much bigger and warmer his hands were than her own. "I think it's actually a really good idea. I know I can get carried away sometimes, and we both like messing with each other because it's fun. But I also want us to be able to talk openly. About...well, everything, Raven."

She could feel her ears heating up, and her eyes flicked away briefly.

"I want that too," she admitted quietly.

He beamed and shuffled closer, careful not to jostle her or the bed.

"So," she started, feeling uncertain. "In the spirit of sincere dickery hours…"

He smiled instinctively at the term, but she could tell that he was still being serious.

"I can't speak for Qrow. But the reason I think I hold certain things back from you," she started slowly, feeling increasingly awkward. "Is possibly rooted in…some of my own baggage. When it comes to being vulnerable with and expressing vulnerability around men."

That's a hell of a conversation starter, huh?

Tai's eyes had widened, blonde brows disappearing behind his bangs.

She prayed this didn't backfire spectacularly.

"Which….please do not take that the wrong way," Raven fumbled painfully. "It's not anything you're doing, and it's not 'Oh, men are shit and terrible and fuck them' it's...stuff related to the past and um, bad things that happened. I don't always have the words or - what is that dumb phrase - emotional intelligence . To explain it in a way that other people will understand or relate to?"

She was struggling to look at him now, because now she was afraid that she had freaked him out. She was wondering if maybe she should have kept this shit to herself, because no one actually wants to talk about this sort of thing, or hear about this.

Hide the skeletons, or something awful is going to happen….

"It's not…." she trailed off for a moment. "It's not something I'm trying to do on purpose; I'm still trying to figure things out. But I understand if that's a bit much to drop on you."

This was absolutely too much. He was going to think she was a basket-case. These painkillers were fucking her up, and she would absolutely blame them in the morning and never talk about this again-

"Hey," he nudged her gently.

She glanced nervously at him. He looked serious but he was smiling a little in an attempt to reassure her.

"I get it. I get what you're saying. And it's not too much. I really don't want you to hold back from talking about things like this, because you think it's going to freak me out or something. I promise that I'm really not that fragile."

She realized he was still holding her hand, and had not pulled away.

"We can work on it," he massaged her knuckles and palm soothingly. "Ok?"

She felt some of the tension that had been climbing up her back and limbs begin to release.

"Ok," she murmured.

He smiled at her, and it made her heart hurt.

"So," he prompted after a moment had passed. "What is it that has you and Qrow so like, wigged out?"

Raven glanced at the bandages again briefly, before refocusing on him.

"Well...We knew that guy," Raven admitted. "The skinchanger who tracked us down and kicked our asses. And it really has Qrow upset, but I don't know how to get him to talk about it yet."

Taiyang continued to rub circles into her hand, frowning in thought.

"Oh shit. So, who was he?" he asked.

"Technically?" she shrugged casually. "Our biological father."

A shocked cough. He stopped rubbing circles and Raven pouted internally.

"Seriously?" Tai asked, his voice dropping lower and picking up a rougher edge.

"Yes," she droned. "To be honest, I'm not that concerned about it. But Qrow, I think-"

"Raven," Tai tugged on her hand, to get her attention. "Are you sure?"

She paused. She realized that might not have been a normal thing to say. Or rather, her lack of an emotional response to that fact might not be considered normal.

He noticed that she had become uncomfortable and started rubbing her knuckles again.

"Am I," she glanced down at the bandages again, feeling….nothing. "Are my feelings wrong? Am I supposed to be more upset? Because I genuinely don't give a fuck about who he technically is - I...don't feel anything."

She felt sparks of worry and anxiety, but not in relation to that. Raven was just anxious that she wasn't performing emotions right.

Shouldn't I care more?

"Nope, your feelings aren't wrong," he insisted, leaning in. "You might just be dealing with a huge backlog of information and your connection with him isn't a priority for you. So it has to wait its turn and doesn't get front of the line privileges, because fuck him."

She paused, feeling genuinely shocked at that level of insight. He kept rubbing her hand soothingly.

"Or, you've removed any and all connection to him entirely, because again, fuck that guy. Either way, you don't have to respond to all of this crap a certain way. Alright?" Tai promised. "You don't have to put on a show to try to make me or anyone else more comfortable or something. I just wanted to be sure it wasn't hurting you."

Raven was almost equally startled to realize that she believed him. She exhaled in soft relief.

"Thanks."

She leaned into him and he hummed a little, pleased.

"You um. You can talk to me about stuff too, you know?"

"Yea," he sighed, pressing some of his weight into her right shoulder. "I get the whole really awful bio parent deal, or well, I kinda understand the like….The lack of feeling towards them at a certain point."

She rested her chin on his shoulder pad, or tried to anyways. The angle was kind of awkward, and he gave her an amused glance.

"Or compartmentalizing those feelings?" he glanced away, frowning a little again. "Until you have the energy to deal with them. To be honest? I'm kind of a trauma-goblin, too."

She considered saying something to lighten the mood , but realized that right now was still sincere-dick hours.

No sarcasm during sincere dicking hours.

Considering she was at least ninety percent sarcasm, and ten percent salt water, this was actually really difficult to maintain for any length of time. Maybe sincere dicking shouldn't be a full hour?

What is wrong with my brain...

"I think we all are, actually," he muttered, looking out the door. "Now that I think about it."

A beat.

"Emotional Hoarders could be our new team attack name," she murmured quietly, and he promptly started chuckling.

Oops.

"Oh my Duuust," he exhaled, his eyes crinkling mischievously. "Oh nooooo. Haha, can you imagine Arc's face? If we all just suddenly changed our team attacks to these really terrible things?"

"We wouldn't be able to beat out ARSN I don't think," Raven shook her head. "Theirs are all utterly fucking shameless - can you imagine if they go to the Vytal Fest? And then they used Panty Dropper on air?"

He guffawed, his belly laugh was always so goofy and cute, and then she'd start laughing at it-

Dust, I need to chill. OUT.

"I'd pay so much money for that. I would throw all my rounds for that to happen, I swear," he giggled. "Arc would literally snipe them from the stands."

"I dunno, I bet we could compete for best most awful team attack name," Raven drawled, smirking at him. "We've got the spirit. We could win."

He was rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Hmm. Yes. I am sharing your vision, I think. We'd have to convince Summer first, though."

"Oh that's done," Raven chuckled. "That's the easy part."

"I dunnoooo," he wheedled, cocking his head as he looked at her. "She gets super competitive. If we go to Vytal, I think she'd be all in, super serious business. She's not gonna just shout Daddy Issues or something fucking wild in front of millions of people-"

Raven started laughing hard, trying not to wince as she jostled her leg.

"What," she wiped her eyes, still giggling uncontrollably. "What the hell is wrong with us?"

He gave her a wry, deeply amused look.

"Are we making a list, orrrrrr?"

She rolled her eyes, grinning.

"Oh gods, no," she flopped back into her pillows. "That would take too long."

A slight, comfortable lull fell between them. She could hear the jumble of voices from the skinchangers down the hall, some of whom were honestly laughing and joking as they ate. The noise made her genuinely smile. It was a sound that she honestly would risk getting stabbed over and over again to hear.

"Hey," he bumped her good leg gently.

She glanced at him, still smiling a little.

"I love you too, you know?" he said, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes.

Raven's ears promptly turned bright ass red, and she glanced away shyly. Again.

"Yea. I know."