A/N: As it turns out I was able to write and study so you guys aren't gonna be stuck without an update! Lemme know what you think!
Chapter #32:
The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions
"I saw the sadness in your eyes but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything to say that would take your pain away so I kept on saying in my head, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry'." –unknown
"Are you sure you're alright?"
Sam asking me if I was okay every fifteen minutes reminded me so much of when Bucky did the same that I nearly fell apart in his passenger seat. I prided myself on being more collected with the emotional responses I showed, but right now I felt frayed to all hell. My mind was scattered into a million places, with a million different thoughts, and I was somehow feeling every emotion known to man all at once.
"Yeah." I said, and if Sam noticed how my voice cracked he didn't mention it. He was driving me back to the Compound now. We left the car I drove to the airport at the airport, it'd probably be fine, and Sam had made a good point when he said I wasn't in the mindset to be driving safely. The last place I needed to be was behind a wheel right now. Plus, I also didn't have a valid driver's license still, but that didn't seem worth mentioning. "I'm sorry, Sam."
He chuckled, "Yeah, you said that."
"I really mean it though." My voice strained with exasperation. "I didn't want to lie to you, send you to the wrong side of Romania, but…"
As much as I wanted to tell Sam the entire truth, that I had been talking to Bucky non-stop the past few months, it didn't feel right to tell him first. The first person who deserved to know about that was Steve. I had waited too long to share the news, but I wasn't going to mess up the priority of who got to hear first.
"The others know about you being in Romania. They know Vincent shot you. They know you found Bucky." Sam said and I stiffened. His next question came out breathless, "What happened, Aj?" Quietly, I told him the spark notes version. I had found Bucky, Vincent had found me, it ended badly, and then Bucky left. He just left. "He left you in the airport alone? Even after what happened with Vincent?"
I shook my head, "He knew Daisy and Kate were right behind us. I was alone for all of six minutes." Sam mumbled something about that not being good enough. My bottom lip quivered. "I wanted to bring him home, Sam."
Sam sighed, "I know, honey. I know. That isn't on you. You know that, right? Bucky Barnes made his choice. I don't want to ask, but… Did he hurt you?"
"Huh?" I turned in confusion.
Sam glanced over to meet my eyes, "Bucky. The Soldier. How…present was he? Did he hurt you?"
"No, never." I said firmly. "Bucky was… He was Bucky. The only Bucky I know, at least. I spent his birthday with him. It was… It was fun. I thought I was close to convincing him to come home with me, but then I got shot by Vincent's guy or—or one of the cops in the crossfire, I don't know."
Sam shook his head, "Well, don't worry about it. We'll find Bucky again." That I wasn't so sure of. "And as for Vincent, we're gonna find that son of a bitch too."
"Oh, he was on the plane with me."
The car nearly swerved off the road when Sam whipped to look at me. I had to grab the door handle with my right hand to steady myself. Sam cried out in a mix of alarm and disbelief, "What!?"
"Yeah, he got on the plane with me before we left Romania. I spent the flight talking to him." I said plainly while Sam's head swiveled from the road back to me repeatedly. "It was—It was weird. I don't think he's a problem anymore..."
Sam shook his head, "What do you mean?"
"He wanted me to work for him. I said no, and he was pissed about it, but he said he knew he couldn't force me. That what he wanted wouldn't work without me wanting it." I shrugged then flinched at the sharp pain that came from the movement. "He said he'd leave me alone, but…"
"But what?"
"Vincent said HYDRA was after both of us." I said softly. "Me and my sister, Sam. Strucker never told Vincent why, but for some Godforsaken reason that Strucker guy wants Aubrey too."
Sam was queit and I assumed he was thinking over the information I had delivered to him. The Aubrey thing truly was a turn of events that I don't think anyone saw coming. Last I checked, Granny was still watching her kids in Alabama which was suspicious. Why hadn't Aubrey gone home yet? She couldn't possibly know HYDRA was after her… could she?
That issue was one of the many I currently had banging around on the inside of my skull begging to be dealt with. HYDRA wanted Aubrey as much as me. Some stranger, a guardian angel, saved my life before I had even known that my life was worth saving. Bucky was gone, with no way to contact him now, and Steve still didn't know about anything concerning his long lost best friend. And Tony… Oh, God, Tony. My stomach flipped and nausea washed through me at the thought of what Bucky had told me.
Again, I wanted to confide in Sam. Talking to him always made things so clear in my mind. The man excelled at taking the tangled ball of yarn my thoughts were and straightening them out for me to fully understand, but I couldn't tell him about the Tony topic for the same reason I couldn't talk to him about the Steve situation. Tony had to know first. It's what I would want if I were in his shoes.
We sat in silence, but it was a comfortable one. I dozed off once, and not for very long, but when I blinked my tired eyes open I could see the Compound coming up ahead of us. Not being in the rush I had been last time I came here, I could appreciate it this time. Tony had spared no expense, and the people he hired to build this made his vision really come to life.
The land was beautiful in itself. Thick forests surrounded the border of the campus and there was a large lake that covered the east side before stretching out to the north. At the center of all this land, was the Compound itself. Despite not exploring inside of it yet, I still knew every nook and cranny of this place. As the person who double checked all the design work for Tony it couldn't be helped.
The right side of it was more work based. A large, five story building rose from the ground with a large stretch of asphalt jutting out from the bottom as a landing zone for quinjets and other planes. Beyond that was a track set up for outdoor training. The first and second floor were mostly combined, and it was made up of a hanger and prep rooms for gear and mission prep along with the largest training room. The third floor had some smaller gym spaces with conference rooms and a large block of public labs. The fourth and fifth floor were office spaces.
On the third floor, however, was a sky bridge that connected the work building to the recreational half of the Compound. This building was the same height, but it stretched out much further. The first two floors of this building were public spaces like the cafeteria, auditorium, medical station, and things of that nature. The third floor, where the sky bridge was connected, opened up into a small bit of public space but the majority of that floor was built for the Avengers. It had Tony and Bruce's private labs, the private medical bay, and a large communal living space with kitchen and necessities. Also, on the third floor, connected to the communal living space, were the dorms. Tony had designed around 10 dorm rooms that sat on this floor for future trainees and new Avengers. Stark was always looking to the future. The dorms were smaller than the full-sized apartments but still nice. Each one was made up of a large bedroom, built in closet, and a connecting private bathroom.
The floors above this, four and five, were the full apartments just like at the Tower. There were five medium sized apartments on the fourth floor and two large ones that made up the entirety of the fifth floor. Tony claimed one of those larger apartments for him and Pepper while the other still hadn't been decided on. I always assumed Clint and Natasha would claim it since they lived together. That left Bruce, Steve, Thor, Sam, and I on the fourth floor. None of this was written in stone, mind you, but it's what Tony and I had in mind when we were designing.
Plus, there was always room for more growth.
"Tony really doesn't do things halfway, does he?" Sam hummed after being scanned at the security gate and then let in. The road from here would take him straight to the underground parking garage beneath the recreational building. I chuckled at his words and Sam shot me a smile, "I still think my favorite part of this place is the 'rent free' thing. Befriending a billionaire has it's perks."
I laughed, "You can say that again. Having you actual live here though is gonna feel weird though. Aren't you gonna miss DC?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded in thought. "But I couldn't keep doing things sitting on the fence. If I wanna be more than a part-time, sort of Avenger than I need to dedicate."
"Hmm." I hummed. "Maybe Tony will make you live in one of the dorms instead of the apartments. Since you're a trainee and all."
Sam scoffed, "I dare him to try. I've earned one of those apartments. Putting up with the Avengers' crazy asses for this long."
He parked the car then helped me out, taking my bag from me, and we both got into the elevator. Sam said the Avengers were still about an hour out from here and that the best thing I could do was get some sleep before they showed up to raise a little hell. I let Sam get out on the third floor so he could make some calls and then I rode up to the fourth floor.
I stepped out and walked down the hall to the apartment Tony had claimed for me as my own. The moment I pushed the bright red door open I caught sight of the duffel bag I had carelessly thrown in three days ago. I dropped my bookbag onto the dark wood floor right beside it. The silence in the room around me was nearly suffocating.
The apartment layout was different from the one I had grown used to. The front door opened into a small foyer that opened up into the main living space. The room was shaped like a wedge with the smallest end coming out from the foyer. The kitchen was nestled to my left with modern appliances and an island counter, beyond that was a space where a dining table could sit, to the right was a living room set up where couches would be, and a TV could be placed. The back wall of this wedge was made entirely of glass with a glass screen door in the middle that opened up onto a large balcony that wrapped around the wedge-shaped room.
I knew the door past the kitchen to the left would lead to an office space that I'd probably rarely use, and the door across the room on the other side of the wedge led into the master bedroom. The bedroom was the only room in this apartment that had any furniture at the moment. From here, I could actually hear the bed calling out to me. Begging for me to fall into the sheets and sleep for days.
I couldn't though. Not yet.
Slowly, I crossed the room to go out onto the balcony. I didn't have a view of the lake from where my apartment sat, and I wondered if Tony did that on purpose. I had never told him that I preferred not to, but he said he designed and picked this spot specifically with me in mind. It wouldn't be the first time Tony noticed a detail about me without me having to voice it aloud.
I leaned against the railing with my right arm and let my mind zone out as I waited.
The hospital was loud, and thoughts were panicked. It was a storm of worry and a dizzying amount of fear. Wanda felt smothered by it. Every distressed cell in her brain begging to get clear of the area, but she would lose her mind before leaving her brother's side.
Pietro was lying in the hospital bed cursing in Sokovian and mumbling complaints under his breath about the hole in his calf. It was music to Wanda's ears. She had been so close to losing her brother. If he had been a second slower, hesitated a moment more, than she'd be alone in this world. Wanda wasn't entirely sure that was something she could survive. Pietro was her rock. Wanda never had much growing up, and after losing their parents, Pietro was now all she had period.
"Stop picking at it." Wanda scolded.
"It hurts." Pietro whined in annoyance. She could feel his pain and irritation and boredom. Her brother wanted to be up and moving. Being stuck to a hospital bed was a nightmare for him.
Wanda rolled her eyes but flinched when a startingly loud terror slipped through her defense and invaded her mind. A woman down the hall was fearful about her son who was going into emergency surgery. She shoved the intrusive thought out quickly, and Pietro reached out to grab her hand. Wanda turned to look at him and he squeezed her hand once, "Focus on my mind."
It was a trick they learned helped in crowded places. When Wanda was too tired or the surroundings were too hectic for her to filter out, if she just focused all her energy on her brother's mind it would keep things at bay. She followed his emotions and let them consume her. Exhaustion from the fight. Relief from being alive and safe. Love for her. Curiosity on the purple clad Hawkeye woman.
Wanda chuckled, "Does someone have a crush?"
"Ah, I told you to focus on my mind so you can relax, not so you can pick out my secrets." Pietro complained, but his wide grin offset the annoyed words.
"As loud as it's being screamed, it's hardly a secret, brother." Wanda grinned. She leaned forward and kept her hand in his. "Don't you think you're a little young for her at 17?"
Pietro shook his head, determined, "I'm 18."
"You're 18 in three months. Our birthday hasn't come yet."
"Same difference. Besides, I like older women." Pietro winked and Wanda laughed loudly at the statement. She pushed her own thoughts at him, mocking him for having a specific taste despite never having a girlfriend or boyfriend before. Pietro scoffed at her, "Bullying me when I have a hole in my leg is cruel. Besides, she can't be much older anyways. Maybe 19?"
Wanda smiled warmly at him, "Of course. How dare I try to spit on true love in such a harsh way. I support you entirely."
Pietro raised an eyebrow at her, "I like all the words you're saying, but I hate the tone." He shifted in bed then flinched in pain, "Fucking damn it."
Wanda lit her hand up and the heat of the red glow made Pietro cry out in surprise, "Language."
"Yeah, yeah, ok, mother."
The two sat in a comfortable silence for a little while longer before a doctor came in to care for them. There wasn't much they could do except clean out the wound and bandage it while hoping for the best. A doctor in the medic bay on the large ship that had picked them up, a woman named Simmons, had told them that the Avengers knew a doctor who could perhaps do more for them though. Wanda knew she meant Dr. Cho, and she prayed that the woman wouldn't hold what they helped Ultron with against them. She had broken Ultron's spell over Dr. Cho. Hopefully, that would be enough to make asking her for help plausible.
While the doctor worked on Pietro, she ducked into the bathroom off to the side to use the small shower. It wasn't much but it was still better than what she was accustomed to. Pietro and her were never able to afford very much after they lost their parents, and once they offered themselves to Strucker they were treated more like prisoners.
She washed the dust and dirt from her body and took inventory of her own injuries. There was a wound at the end of her left eyebrow. The blood was matted into the hair there and it hurt to rub it all free. Wanda had a variety of bruises all over her body, but that was the worst of it. She had come out of the firefight well.
After dressing back into her old clothes, having nothing else, and braiding her damp hair back she stepped out to see the doctor had been replaced by the woman Pietro had on his mind. The dark-haired woman turned to give her a broad smile while the golden dog that sat by her leg began to wag his tail.
"Wanda, this is Kate. Kate, this is my sister Wanda." Pietro introduced. He had on a plain shirt and sweatpants now so the doctor must have helped him before leaving.
Kate held her hand out and Wanda shook it, "Hiya! I just wanted to swing by and thank your brother again. If it weren't for him, my mentor and good friend would just be a beloved memory."
"It's nice to meet you." Wanda nodded and went back to her seat. It would be a lie to say that she wasn't still wary of the people around her. SHIELD had helped them. SHIELD and the Avengers had saved the world, saved a majority of the people of Sokovia, but Wanda feared that they wouldn't look upon her or her brother in favor.
For all she knew, they were waiting for Pietro to be checked out of the hospital so they could arrest them. They could stick the twins in a prison to rot the rest of their lives or worse use them as Strucker had as an experiment and study. Wanda liked the people she had met during the fight. She liked the Avengers for the most part. However, Wanda would burn down the world and anyone who tried to touch her brother, or take him from her, without hesitation.
The dog by Kate's side wandered over to sit beside her. Wanda looked to him as the dog stared at her expectantly. She chuckled and reached out to pet his head making his tail go crazy in excitement like before.
"Lucky is an attention hog." Kate joked while looking at the dog.
"Hmm, I know the kind." Wanda replied while looking to her brother. Kate laughed at that and Pietro whined in response. She turned back to the woman, "How old are you, Kate?"
Kate leaned against the end of her brother's bed, "Oh, I'm 20. 21 in December this year. How old are you guys?"
"17." "18." The twins replied at the same time.
Pietro rolled his eyes, "Okay, okay, soon to be 18. Very soon. I've always been told that I am mature for my age."
"You're mixed up. The word they use is immature, brother." Wanda said in Sokovian.
Pietro shot her a look before turning to Kate with a wide grin, "Anyways, what were we talking about before my little sister interrupted us?"
Wanda chuckled under her breath at the dig he made at their 12-minute age difference. She nestled into the seat and listened to the two of them talk while her fingers combed through Lucky's soft fur.
Steve liked the Compound better than the Tower. He knew the Brooklyn boy in him would miss the city, but there was something about living in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nature that he liked a lot. Especially now. Here the Avengers were secluded. Away from prying eyes and out of the way.
By time the quinjet landed, everyone's spirits had lifted. The well needed rest had done wonders and the time to think over everything calmed them significantly too. So much, in fact, that they were able to calmly come up with a schedule of when and what order they would be lecturing Aj. It was probably the most organized the Avengers had ever been on a non-mission matter.
Tony had given half-hearted directions before saying he was going to his lab while on the phone with Pepper. Unsurprsingly, his non-chalant hand motions had done nothing to help them navigate the space they found themselves in. While glancing around the hanger, looking for the new locker room to drop off gear, Sam strolled in through a side door with a welcoming grin.
"Well, you guys look like shit." Sam called out.
"I know I am, but what are you?" Clint retaliated quickly only to suddenly pause at his own words, "Wait, I don't think that's what I wanted to say."
Natasha patted the side of his face, in more pity than love, and dragged him away after giving Sam a quick hug. Steve held his hand out with a grin of his own. Sam clasped it and dragged him into a hug.
"How was Sokovia? I hear it's nice this time of year."
"It was…something." Steve chuckled with a shake of his head. "How was your trip?"
Sam snorted and they both began to walk out of the hanger in the direction Clint and Natasha had gone in, "Non-eventful. Apparently, I was on the boring side of Romania."
Steve let out a worried sigh at his words, "How is she? Really?"
"She's okay." Sam replied softly and Steve felt his body relax a fraction. They finally found the brand new, large locker room where Clint and Natasha had already begun to hang gear up. They glanced over at them while they spoke, "Aj's tired. She's upstairs passed out right now. She feels bad about going to Romania without telling us, but I think she feels worse about Bucky." Steve's face fell. "Seems like she blames herself for losing him this time."
Steve shook his head, "That isn't her fault."
"Yeah, I told her that but…"
"But Aj is a professional at blaming herself." Clint grunted from across the room. "Don't worry, I plan on discussing that point in detail when it's my turn to lecture her."
Sam raised an eyebrow at the statement, "Turn? Isn't the usual Avenger way just a blood bath of whoever gets there first gets whatever it is they want? I took an elbow to the face last time we tried to decide what take-out menu we were ordering from."
"We've matured, Samuel." Clint barked out while Natasha shook her head from behind him with a look of bored exhaustion on her features. "Try to keep up."
Steve chuckled to himself while listening to Clint and Sam bicker. He began to pull his gear off with the plan to clean it all later. Right now, his sole focus was on going to see Aj. Granted, it was Tony who had won the first lecture slot with her, he was third, but they had all agreed that the lectures would begin after everyone had time to clean up. Maybe they'd start tonight at family dinner. Steve's goal right now wasn't to lecture. He just needed to see her. Hold her. Make sure, with his own eyes, that she truly was okay and reassure her that nothing involving Bucky was her fault.
The locker surprisingly had a change of clothes for him, but it felt dumb to put clean clothes on over his dirty body. So Steve kept his uniform pants on and stripped out of the top portion of his uniform so all that was left was a plain, dirty black t-shirt. He did stop to grab the dark jacket hanging on a hook to cover up the dirty, plain shirt. Steve ran a tired hand through his hair and then motioned for Sam to lead him toward wherever the hell the apartments were.
"I plan on talking more about this when you guys have your mission debrief." Sam spoke up, "But there's more." Steve was really starting to hate that phrase. "Aj got on that plane alone so Daisy and Kate could go to Sokovia and help you guys—" Steve nodded his head, he knew that already, and Sam sighed, "—but Vincent followed her onto her flight."
"What!?" Steve's steps faltered only for a second before he increased his pace.
Sam kept up with him easily, "Apparently he only talked to her. Offered her a job or something? Aj was kind of unclear, and I didn't push because the poor girl looked like she was a second away from spiraling." Steve's heart ached at the thought. "She thinks Vincent is planning on leaving her alone for now though."
"And what do you think?"
"I think I don't trust the bastard." Sam shrugged and Steve nodded in agreement. They weren't about to trust the word of a known mobster, murderer, and drug dealer. "Said bastard also said something else. He told Aj that Strucker isn't just looking for her. He's after her older sister too."
Steve narrowed his eyes in confusion, "But why?"
"No idea, man."
It was good information to know, but right now Steve was too preoccupied to try and connect dots. His first task, before anything and everything else, was to see Aj. He could deal with all of this stuff later after a hot shower and nap. Steve tucked the new information away, pushing those pieces of the puzzle to the back of his mind, and focused on getting to where he truly needed to be.
Sam led him across the sky bridge to the third floor of the building the apartments were located in, and then he pointed him in the direction where the communal space would be alongside an elevator that would take him upstairs.
"I wanna put some feelers out on the right side of Romania." Sam said. "See if I can pick up any clues for Bucky. Plus, if Strucker heard that Aj was there maybe he made a move too."
Steve nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, "Good. Thanks. Get in touch with Coulson. Him and his team are trying to track Strucker down again. Maybe they can help."
Sam nodded and turned to leave while Steve pushed into the communal space. It was nice. A large dining area with a table big enough for all of them, a huge kitchen with any appliance he could think of and an equally as large kitchen island, a living room designed for their game and movie nights, and even more space around the corner it seemed. He could explore later. Steve assumed he'd be the only one here, other than maybe Thor who was wandering around somewhere, but instead his eyes landed on Beth who stood by the elevator.
Her eyes widened and she raised her hand in greeting, "Captain?"
"Oh, Beth, hey." He walked over with a nod. The small girl had on a simple red dress with a belt around the middle and a Stark pad in her arms. "How are you?"
"I, uh, fine! How are you? You look…tired." Beth eyes darted over his face and she was probably taking in the dirt, sweat, and bruises he still wore. "Did the mission end well?"
Steve nodded and the elevator doors opened. He smiled and held his arm against the door motioning for her to step in first, "Very. What are you doing here?"
"I heard Aj got back, and I needed to talk to her about some PR stuff." Beth raised the pad in her arms with a kind smile. "Are you heading to your own apartment? I can help you pick one. I think only one of them is occupied so far, and it's Aj."
"No, I'm okay for now. I actually…" As the elevator doors opened into a wide hallway, he suddenly felt nervous. The last thing he had said to her had been in the voicemail he left her, and she had to have heard it by now. Steve wondered what she thought of it. He hadn't exposed too much. To be honest he had chickened out halfway through, but he was glad he had. Telling her how he felt… Steve wanted to do that in person.
He suddenly realized that his goal of finding her was for more than just making sure she was okay. That was a huge part of it, but he also wanted to stop wasting time. He let Vincent, the mind stone, and even himself get into his own head about all of this. Maybe his future wasn't meant for a happily ever after. Maybe he wasn't meant to be more than a soldier. Right now, though, Steve was content with taking his fate into his own hands. What would happen would happen down the line. All he could do was tell her the truth and hope she felt similarly.
"Steve?" His eyes snapped to the side to see Beth looking at him in concern, "Are you okay?"
Steve chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, "Sort of. Hey, can I ask you for some help?"
"Anything!" She smiled. "That's what I'm here for, right?"
"How do you…" He gave her a sheepish look, "How do you tell a dame you're interested in her?"
Bucky had given him an answer to this back when they were kids. Then reminded him again with Peggy. Still, he had yet to use the jerk's advice, and he was skeptical to now. Modern women were different, weren't they?
Beth giggled, "Oh, uh—" Steve could see a tint of pink on her cheeks while she spoke, "Maybe you should just kiss her." His eyes widened at the suggestion, but Beth elaborated on her own. "It's kind of passionate, you know? Obviously not if the guy is some stranger at a bar or whatever, but I think…I think there's something romantic about a guy just pulling the girl he loves in close and showing her how he feels. Actions speak louder than words, right?"
Steve let the idea roll around in his head. He did like the idea of that. Walking into the apartment, checking on Aj, and then just leaning in and kissing her. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about interrupting her mid-sentence to lean in and kiss her before.
He shook his head with a chuckle, "I don't think that's a good idea for me."
"Why not?" Beth pressed, taking a step closer to him.
"Because", Steve smiled warmly to himself at the thought, nothing but adoration in his voice, "I think Aj is the kind of dame that would punch my lights out if I kissed her without permission."
Beth eyes widened and there was a flash of shock there that Steve couldn't place. Before he could question it, the small girl began to beam up at him with a wide grin, "Oh my God! You and Aj! I just knew there was something going on there no matter how many times she denied it."
"Well, there's nothing going on. Yet." He mumbled the last word to himself. "Thanks for the help, Beth. Which one is her…?"
Beth nodded, "Oh, it's that one." She pointed to an apartment off to the right. "I'll, uh, I'll just come back later. Let you guys…talk."
Steve thanked her as the PR specialist got back onto the elevator and disappeared. He cleared his throat and walked over to the bright red door. Maybe it was time he finally took Bucky up on that old advice. 'Stevie, you gotta pull her in close, look her right in the eyes, look at her like she's the only dame on the Earth for you, then smile and say that you're absolutely crazy for her. Don't overthink it, punk.' He could do that. He could do that. Could he do that?
He knocked on the door once, but when he didn't hear anything on the other side, he pushed the door open, "Aj?" Steve's voice echoed in the mostly empty apartment. He repeated himself but louder, "Aj?"
The space was silent. Steve poked his head through the open door to the right, a bedroom, but the bed was made and empty. He hummed to himself in thought as he glanced around. Where had she gone? Steve walked back to the foyer where his eyes landed on a duffel bag and her bookbag that sat on the floor. Maybe she had woken up and ran off to find them. Like Tony, she was probably the only person who actually knew how to get around the Compound.
Should he just wait here, or would that be too weird?
Steve shook his head and went to grab her bags. He could set them in her room for her and then go searching. As he swung around to carry them in, something hard fell out of the open pocket of the bookbag and hit the floor. Steve mumbled a curse to himself and went to grab whatever he had dropped, praying it hadn't broken, but he froze at the sight of the cellphone on the ground. He wasn't from this time frame, but he knew enough to know the device sitting on the floor was considered ancient these days. In fact, months ago he had asked about it, after seeing one in a movie, and Tony had lovingly referred to it as 'the type of phone a drug dealer from a bad 90's movie would use'.
Slowly, he set down the bags and scooped up the phone. Why did Aj have a such an old phone on her? He knew she used the touch screen Stark phone most often. Steve flipped it open and, unlike the phones of the future, this one didn't require a passcode of any kind. In fact, it looked like this thing could do only two things: call and text.
Who had she been calling and texting?
The moment I saw the quinjet in the distance, I started moving. Before leaving my apartment, I stopped by my bookbag and unzipped it so I could shove my sling in there. I didn't want them to see it and worry, but then I remembered they already knew I had been shot. Hiding wasn't really an option. Especially since I had changed out of Steve's large blue sweater and the bloody tank top I wore under it. The sling I had hanging over my flannel wasn't going to make or break this situation for me.
I sighed and hurried out the door. For a long time, I had gone back and forth on who I needed to talk to first. The group of them probably wanted to talk to me as a whole, but I was hoping that they'd take a break to clean up first. That would buy me time. After figuring that out, the next part had become clear to me. Tony. Tony had to know what I knew. He had gone so long in his life not knowing the truth. I had to tell him.
The good news was that I knew Tony's habits like the back of my hand. It was why I knew that the first place he tended to go after a mission was his lab. Even if it was just a quick stop to drop off parts of his suit, he always went there first. Hell, he'd go there before cleaning himself up or tending to his wounds too. It was something I know every single Avenger had gotten onto him about in the past. Luckily, I knew exactly where his new lab was.
The space he put aside for the private lab was huge. It was split in half, one side designed for the kind of work Bruce did and the other designed for the work Tony did. Honestly, it was like a scientist or engineer's wet dream. Getting him to come out of here was going to be a pain in the ass in the future. Especially since he had built himself a full bar in the corner of his side rather than just the drink cart he used to have.
Not all of his materials and furniture had been delivered, like the rest of the Compound, which left me standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. Internally, I tried to create a script of what to say, but nothing seemed to stick. How would I want to hear news like this? The answer wasn't a good one. I don't think there was a way I could hear something like this and not lose my mind. I couldn't prevent Tony from hurting. The only way to do that would be to keep this to myself, but he deserved to know the truth. I knew that much.
I would want that much.
Only a few minutes passed before I spotted Tony through the glass walls coming toward the lab entrance. He was on the phone, and for some reason he still wore pieces of the Iron Man suit. No gauntlets, no arms, no helmet. Just his torso piece and lower half. Tony's eyes landed on mine and I watched as he pointed at me with his lips pressed together. The doors slid open placing us both in the same space.
"—right. No, I found her just now. I'll call you back in a little bit, Pep. I have a lecture to deliver. Love you, bye." Tony hung up the phone then set it on the bench beside him. He pointed at me again, "You are in somuch trouble. Enormous trouble." Tony crossed the space, I stiffened, but he just pulled me into tight hug. It was awkwardly placed because he had the suit on and was trying not to jostle my left arm too much. Tony pulled back, worry in his eyes, and set his ungloved hand on the back of my neck, "You okay, sunshine?"
"I…" I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Your arm?" He pressed.
I forced myself to nod, "It's okay. Hurts, but…it's healing."
"Good to hear it, but I'm giving Cho a call. She can look you over and maybe even her portable regeneration cradle can do something for it. We probably need it for the quick kid anyways." Tony said, mumbling the last half to himself, but then his face broke out into a bright grin. He leaned forward pressing a kiss to my temple then leaned back with a chuckle and relief in his tired, but happy eyes, "God, I had a shit ton of things to yell at you about, like an actual list, but damn you are a sight for sore eyes, Aj. Hey, help me out will you."
Tony walked past me to a large workbench and dug around under it for some kind of tool. I followed him sheepishly, "Why are you still in the suit?"
"I'm stuck." He scoffed and pulled out a tool I didn't recognize. "Asshole Ultron dropped Sokovia on me when I was trying to keep us from falling out of the sky." Most of his words made no sense to me. "The suit slammed into the core, then I used most of the energy to blast it—anyways, my point is, the seams are jammed. Couldn't get it off on the quinjet without this." He waved the tool in my face then slid it into a seam line on his side. "Come on this side of me and hold pressure."
I circled around him to stand on the other side of where he placed the tool, and Tony slammed it in hard. I kept him from moving as he did so, and eventually the torso portion peeled open and fell to the ground in a sparking heap of metal. We repeated the process with his lower half until all he had on was his under gear.
My eyes traced him for injuries. His left eye was bruised pretty bad and there was a gash that circled the eye that had probably bled pretty bad. He still had dried blood at his hairline on his right side.
"You know what I've decided?" Tony chirped in amusement. "Next time, we're just bringing you with us on the world saving mission. You can sit in the quinjet, eat snacks, and take videos of us kicking ass for Instagram or some shit. We're definitely not leaving your ass alone again—"
"Tony—"
"You can be our little cheerleader! We'll get you a little outfit and pom poms and everything. Though, granted, that'll probably be too distracting for old man Cap. Can't having him stroking out in the field."
I shook my head, not laughing at his joke, "Tony, are you…are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Ultron didn't crazy murder us which is always a huge plus." Tony replied, his smile faltering a little. He motioned to his face, "I mean, my face hurts, but…" I bit down on my lower lip and clenched my fists to keep from shaking. Tony shook his head, one eyebrow raising at me, "That was your cue to say something like 'Well it hurts me to look at it' or something else cute and quippy. I can't do all the work for you, sunshine."
I shook my head, "Tony, we need to talk."
His face fell, but I could see it was only worry for me. Tony stepped closer and set his hand on my good arm, "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay? Is it your arm?"
"It's not me. I'm fine. Tony—" I pressed my lips together nervously. How do you phrase this? What way can I say this that will hurt the least? I shook my head once, "I don't wanna be the one to tell you this, I hate that I am, but you need to hear this and—and you need to hear it from someone who cares about you." Tony watched me intently as I built up the courage with my rambling words, "I hate the thought of you finding out down the line from an outside source or—"
"Aj." Tony said calmly. He squeezed my arm, "It's okay. Just say it."
I swallowed my nerves and spoke, my voice barely above a whisper, "I know who killed your parents, Tony."
Tony's eyes narrowed in confusion, "My parents died in a car crash. You know that." I shook my head. Hell, my entire body was shaking now. His hand slowly fell from my arm and he repeated his words slower this time, "My parents…My parents died in a car crash, Aj."
I opened my mouth to try and explain but nothing came out. I had to do better than this. I needed to do better. Quickly, I reached out to grab his hand, "It wasn't an accident, Tony. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
He didn't speak for a minute. Tony just stared and I was forced to watch as realization slowly dawned on him. I could see the dots connecting in his eyes. I could see him figuring out exactly what I meant. Tony was a smart man, a clever one, and he knew all the puzzle pieces surrounding this moment. It was only a matter of time.
"Bucky told me. HYDRA—"
Tony yanked his hand out of mine, like he had been burned, and he staggered back as if I had physically slapped him. It was silent in the room again, but this time the air was thick with tension and suffering. Tony lifted a hand to cover his mouth as he blankly stared at something beyond me.
Finally, after what felt like ages, Tony spoke up in a low, level voice, "Where is he?"
"Wh—What?"
"Where is he?" Tony repeated.
I shook my head, "I don't—"
"Where the hell is Barnes, Aj!?" Tony slammed hand down on the bench top beside us making me flinch. There was anger in his eyes, I had seen it before, but this was the first time I had seen it directed at me like this. This was the first time Tony had ever yelled at me like this. Our voices would raise when we fought, but this was different. There was bite in his voice, venom. "Where. Is. He?"
"I don't know, Tony." I said quickly. Tony scoffed and turned to look away from me. He buried his hands in his hair and I could see his shoulders rise and fall with each forced breath. "He told me—He told me about HYDRA sending the Winter Soldier to kill your parents then he said he couldn't come home, and he couldn't talk to me anymore and then he left—"
Tony let out a disgruntled growl and whipped back around, "Bucky Barnes tells you that he murdered my parents and you just let him walk away!?" He began to step toward me, and I hated that I stumbled back at his approach. "Barnes killed my mom and you let him get away!?"
I shook my head, "Tony, it wasn't—"
He let out a sharp, cold bark of laughter that had zero humor in it. Tony leaned on the bench top with his eyes closed tightly. I wanted to reach out to him, to do something, anything, but I was frozen in place. Tony laughed again, "My father would never shut up about Steve, you know that?" I wasn't quite sure where this was going. He shook his head, "You wanna know his favorite story to brag about, Aj? The one I had to hear over and over and over."
"I—"
Again, he wouldn't let me speak. Tony kept on, "Howard Stark loved telling people about how he was there when Captain America was born. Both times. He pulled the switch on the machine, but he also flew the plane that dropped Cap off into his first real mission." Tony pushed off the bench to look at me. He had a smile on his face, but his eyes burned with rage. "Dad was so proud that he played a role in helping Captain America save his best buddy. Bucky fucking Barnes." He let out a loud laugh and threw his hands up. "How funny is that, Aj? One of the things my dad was most proud about is—it's the reason he's dead. It's the reason my mom is dead. He helped saved Bucky Barnes and then years down the line that psychotic, homicidal, fucking—"
"It's not Bucky's fault."
"Stop defending him!" Tony roared. "Whose side are you on, Aj!?"
I sucked in a sharp breath, "I'm not trying to take a side, Tony. Bucky is a victim in this too. It was HYDRA who killed your parents—your mom. It was the Winter Soldier." Tony scoffed. "Bucky hates himself for what they forced his body to do. He didn't—"
Tony grabbed me by my right arm harshly, "Does it look like I give a damn how he feels right now, Aj? He killed my fucking mom." He squeezed on my arm unintentionally and I winced. "I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him."
He let go of my arm and pushed past me. It took me a second to register what he said and then I rushed after him, "Tony, wait! Please!" He didn't stop for me and I had to grab his arm. "Tony—"
"Either help me or stay the hell out of my way, Aj." Tony growled.
"What are you planning on doing?" I pressed in a panic. To be honest, I didn't know what I was more worried about. Tony finding and hurting Bucky, or Tony hurting himself in the process. There was nothing a determined and angry Tony couldn't accomplish, but I knew the kind of lengths he would go to. The kind of torture he'd put himself through.
Tony scoffed, "What? Worried about the murderer?"
"Tony, I'm worried about you!" I cried. "Please, just sit down with me and we can—"
"Talk it out?" Tony replied in a low voice. He wasn't yelling anymore and somehow this was so much worse. I stumbled back again as he advanced. Tony shook his head, "You don't get it, Aj. You don't understand what he took from me. You don't understand how I feel right now, and I don't want to hear you try and talk me down. So, do me a favor and get the hell away from me."
I shook my head, feeling him slip away, feeing him spiral. I couldn't let him go. I couldn't let him leave, "Tony, I do understand. Losing family hurts, and I'm not—I'm not belittling that but—"
"No, you don't! You can't get it!" Tony blurted in a tone that sat between furious and aching. "I had my entire family ripped away from me, and most of yours just chose to leave you!"
The edge of his words shot straight through me and I sucked in a sharp breath to compensate. It would've hurt less if he had just reached out and punched me. He wasn't wrong. The fear of being unlovable, unwanted, was always at the back of my mind. People always left and I was the one constant variable in every situation. That meant it had to be because of me, right? There was some fundamental part of me that was just broken and anyone who entered my life eventually took notice of it.
I felt a tear streak down my cheek, and it was only then that I even realized that my eyes were watering. Hastily, I swiped at my eyes to try and dry them. There was a flash of something in Tony's eyes. Regret? It was gone too quick for me to confidently place and then so was he. Tony spun on his heel and stormed out of the room leaving me standing in the lab alone.
The softer voice in my head, the kinder side, whispered that he didn't mean it. It told me he was hurting and that the look in his eyes had been immediate regret.
The poisonous side, the side that dripped venom down my spine, laughed at the fact that I had finally done. I had finally run him off.
Daisy had been awake for over 24 hours at this point and damn did she feel it. Luckily, the act of getting Sokovians settled and to various shelters and hospitals was mostly done. There were a few stragglers that other SHIELD agents were taking care of, but her job was over. Enough so that she knew Mac was prepping their quinjet so they could head back to the Playground in the next half hour or so. However long it would take to drag Fitzsimmons out of the lab.
That gave her enough time to do one last thing at least.
She weaved through the crowded hospital halls toward the room sitting at the very end. Daisy glanced through the window of the room to see the people she was looking for. Kate was standing at the end of Pietro Maximof's bed while his sister was curled up in the chair beside him. Lucky's head resting on the girl's lap.
"—is great. Clint knows more spots than I do, though." Kate finished her statement. The woman was still wearing the clothes she had met her in, the jeans and dark purple sweater, though she had lost the plaid overcoat.
"Ah, yes, but I think your company would be far better than the old man." Pietro replied with a charming smirk. Wanda Maximof rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath in Sokovian, but the small smile on her lips hadn't faded.
Both twins looked much better than she last saw them. Pietro sat in the bed, but he no longer had on a hospital gown which meant they had probably already taken care of his wound. Instead, the white haired boy had on a gray t-shirt and matching gray sweats with the SHIELD logo over a pocket. Even Wanda looked like she had found a shower. Her clean brown hair was braided out of her face, but she still wore the clothes from the fight, red leather jacket included.
"Hey, Daisy." Kate greeted with a broad smile. "Have you met Pietro and Wanda yet?"
"Not officially." She pasted on a smile of her own and stepped further into the room to stand by the bed as well. She gave them a small wave, "I'm Daisy. How are you guys feeling?"
Pietro shrugged with a noncommittal noise and Wanda nodded before speaking, "Much, much better. Pietro needs more pain medications though."
"No, no." Pietro quickly waved her off, "I am fine."
Daisy could see the stiffness in the boy's shoulders which meant he was probably in a good amount of pain. He just didn't want to show it. Daisy wondered if that had anything to do with Kate standing at the end of his bed. She chuckled, "I can get you some just in case. For later." She motioned out the door. "We're actually loading up right now. We're getting a quinjet set up that will take you guys to the Avengers Compound. Maria Hill is in charge of it and the Vision will be riding with you."
"You aren't coming back?" Kate questioned.
"We are eventually." Daisy crossed her arms. "We're gonna be heading to our own base, but I also wanted to make a quick stop to handle some SHIELD business we put on hold to deal with Ultron." She glanced back at Pietro and Wanda who were staring at one another. Their facial expressions made it seem like they were having a mental conversation and Daisy wondered if with Wanda's powers that was possible. She cleared her throat, grabbing their attention, "We appreciate everything you did for us in Sokovia. Without you guys, we would've had a lot more casualties." Clint being one of them. "We'd like to take you to the Avengers Compound to help you get back on your feet. I think Barton's gonna offer you guys an official job too, but… but if you don't want to, you don't have to."
Wanda glanced at her brother once more before looking back to her. Daisy watched the red glow flicker in the girl's eyes, "Thank you, Daisy. We'd like to go to the Avengers Compound."
"I'm glad." Daisy nodded. She really did think this was the best for them. The twins technically weren't real inhumans. Strucker had altered them with the mind stone, but the world wouldn't see that difference. Being with the Avengers or SHIELD would keep them safe. "If you guys ever need anything, just let me know."
"Thank you." Pietro nodded and held up a thumbs up to her.
Daisy quickly said one more quick good-bye before ducking out of the room. She didn't get far when she heard someone calling out for her to stop. Kate caught up with her, Lucky on her heels, and grinned, "Hey, you can't leave without me."
"Huh?" She furrowed her eyebrows together.
Kate nudged her with her elbow, "Oh, come on. We're partners in crime now. We both found a missing person and then also saved the world. With help. Or we were the help, but whatever you get my point."
Daisy chuckled in amusement, "You really wanna come with me?"
"Duh." Kate chimed without hesitation. "What's our next mission?"
The cheerful energy Kate seemed to exude was contagious. Daisy would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy her company. Sure, they had a rough start, but the archer was kind of like Clint in the sense that it was very difficult not to be in a good mood around her. Besides, the team could always use help and the Avengers already had one Hawkeye. Daisy wouldn't feel guilty stealing the second.
"Alright, well, right now we're looking into a series of missing person cases." Daisy began to catch Kate up to speed. "Inhumans all over the world have been disappearing…"
The plan had been to get to my apartment, grab my cell phone, and call Pepper or Rhodey. Maybe both. I wasn't entirely sure where Tony had run off to or if he reached out to them himself, but he needed someone right now. It took me a minute to shake my head out of the daze I had been in from what Tony had said. One thing my life had given me though is the ability to compartmentalize. My own issues were a tomorrow problem. Right now, I needed to make sure Tony didn't hurt himself.
When I got to the fourth floor, I noticed my door was already open a crack. It was probably an Avenger here to lecture me on Romania. The lecture would need to wait, but maybe they could help me with this Tony issue too. I pushed into my apartment and the first thing I noticed was that both my duffel bag and bookbag were missing from the foyer floor. The next thing I noticed, as I stepped further in, was Steve standing at the kitchen island. His arms were resting on the marble top and his head hung down as he stood hunched over.
"Steve?" I called out in worry. "Hey, are you okay?"
I stepped toward him. Nervous for the talk we needed to have, but eager to pull him into a hug and make sure he truly was safe after the mission they just had. All thoughts fell from my head when he pushed himself off the island to face me. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips drawn in a tense straight line, and on the island sat…sat my burner phone. I could physically feel my heart plummet. It was like all the blood in my body had froze, and my throat became nervously dry.
"Steve…" I began softly.
"How long?" He croaked. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. Steve wasn't supposed to find out on his own like this. I wanted to sit him down, tell him my poor reasoning, tell him how important he was to me and how sorry I was for betraying him. "Aj, answer me." Steve scoffed, adding to his demand. "I know it was for at least a month. That's how far back the texts and call log go."
I shook my head and took in a shaky breath, "I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry."
"Aj, how long!?" Steve cried.
"A little over three months." I answered and hung my head in shame. Steve sucked in a disbelieving, short gasp followed by a tense silence that haunted me. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I tried to keep my voice steady, "Steve, I'm so sorry. I was planning on telling you—"
"Yeah, I'm sure." Steve scoffed again.
My head snapped up desperately and the pain in his eyes nearly knocked me to the floor, "I swear I was Steve. I was going to tell you today. I know I should've ages ago but I—I couldn't."
"Why not?" He shook his head.
"Bucky asked me not to." I whispered.
Steve turned back to the island and returned to the position I initially saw him in. His jaw was tense, eyes closed, and even in this tense moment I traced his features looking for injuries amongst the dirt and grime that was stuck to his face.
Finally, he spoke up, "You knew this entire time." Steve turned his head to look at me. Blue eyes boring into me. His voice cracked when he spoke again, "You lied to me. This entire damn time and I was stupidenough to…"
"I'm sorr—"
"Stop saying you're sorry!" Steve snapped and pushed himself up again. "It doesn't mean shit! Aj, you lied to me. You lied to me about Bucky!"
I wrapped my right arm around my body pathetically trying to hold myself together, "I wanted to tell you, Steve, please you have to believe that."
"All those nights where I confided in you." Steve shook his head with a sad laugh. "I'd tell you how much I missed him, how worried I was about him, how guilty I felt about not being able to bring him home and you just—you never thought to tell me then? You were content with just pretending to care?"
I stepped forward quickly, "No, Steve, I wasn't pretending! I do care! It broke my heart not being able to tell you the truth those nights." For the rest of my life, I would hold the weight of the guilt from that. Listening to Steve pour his heart out to me and only comforting him with platitudes and touch rather than with the truth. "Please, just—just let me explain this from the beginning."
"I've heard enough, Aj." Steve shook his head. He grabbed the phone and held it out to me, "Get him on the phone now. I called the number and he didn't answer. How do you get him on the line?"
"He…" I glanced at the phone. Bucky really had gotten rid of it. That was the only explanation for him not answering. Back before Romania, if he for some reason missed my first call he'd always answer on the second with worry. I shook my head, "Bucky won't answer. In Romania, he… he told me he couldn't talk to me anymore. That we shouldn't keep in touch. Then he left."
Steve's eyes widened, "So, you're telling me that—that after all this, I don't even get to talk to him? He's in the wind without a damn clue again?" His jaw clenched and unclenched. "I lost my best friend, again?"
"We'll find him, Steve." I tried to reassure him, but even I could tell it was an empty promise falling from my tongue.
"Jesus Christ, Aj!" Steve snapped and tossed the phone aside. I flinched when it clattered across the wooden floor and the back and battery flew apart. "What gave you the right to keep this from me? That's what I don't understand!" He stepped toward me, his towering size terrifying, and for the second time that day I felt myself stumbling back away from someone I loved. "Bucky is my best friend! He's my—He's everything! And you thought you had more right to talk to him than me? You didn't ever think to let me speak to him?!"
I shook my head, my voice quiet, "I'm sorry. I wanted to, but Bucky asked me not to say anything and I—I was trying to get him to come home." I balled up my right hand into a fist and pressed it to my chest to try and keep my heart from falling out onto the floor. "That's why I went to Romania too. I wanted to bring him home. Home to you."
"Yeah, well, thanks, Aj!" Steve scoffed. "Job well done!"
"Steve…" I couldn't even find words to say. The broken, betrayal in his eyes matched with the scathing disapproval in his voice had me feeling small and pathetic.
He shook his head, burying a hand in his hair, "I just—I can't believe you'd do this to me, Aj. I thought we… Damn it, Aj."
"I'm so sorry, Steve." I said quietly. "What can I—How can I fix this? Please, I'll do anything. I just want—"
"Fix this?" Steve shook his head. He narrowed his eyes at me, and I felt like absolute scum. I felt like the shit someone would scrape off the bottom of their shoe. "I don't think there is a fixing this, Aj."
With Tony, I could argue that he didn't mean what he said. I could argue that it was him lashing out because he was hurt. The soft side of my mind had a fighting chance there. But here? This was a different situation entirely. I did deserve this. Steve wasn't wrong. Yeah, maybe he was lashing out because he was upset like Tony, but unlike Tony, I couldn't even try to put up a fight in my head against what he said.
All of this was entirely my fault.
I lied to him, kept the truth from him, and because of me he never got to talk to Bucky in the last three months. Because of me Bucky was lost in the wind and we were even further behind in our search of him. Because of me, Steve lost the person he loved most in this world, the one person who understood him, who was always there for him, and I had fucked that up.
"Hey."
Steve's eyes snapped to someone behind me, but I didn't bother to turn. I recognized Natasha's voice. A few seconds passed and I felt her hand on my right shoulder. She stepped forward so I could see her. Natasha was clean and had changed into a hoodie and yoga pants. Her short hair still damp making the red look darker. Her green eyes, filled with concern, met mine.
"Talk a walk, Steve."
"Natasha, she's been talking to Bucky this entire fucking time!" Steve barked. "He's gone now! I never even got to talk to him and she—"
"Talk a walk, Rogers." Natasha snapped and met his gaze.
Steve shot me one last look of disappointment before roughly shoving past Natasha and me to leave the room. I stood there unmoving. This was all my fault. I should've spoken to him sooner. I should've told him right away. All those thoughts circled through my mind, but when I thought about my choices I realized… Even if I could go back in time, I don't think I would've done anything differently. Maybe I would've made some different choices in Romania, tried some other way to convince Bucky to come home, but I still wouldn't have told Steve. Bucky had asked me not to.
Somehow that made this all worse.
What kind of person was I that even standing in front of Steve, seeing the absolute pain and devastation in his eyes, deep down I knew I still couldn't change? Natasha walked away from me to cross the room. She bent over to scoop up the various pieces of my broken flip phone. Natasha came back to me with them and set them on the island beside us.
"You okay?" She whispered. I shook my head and Natasha reached forward to pull me into a soft hug. Her arms reminded me that I never even got to hug Steve. The familiar smell of her shampoo was like a bulldozer to my very fragile mental stability. I buried my face into her shoulder and tried to steady my breathing while she comfortingly rubbed my back. "Hey, it's alright. Just give him a little time, he'll be apologizing by the end of the day."
"No." I pushed away from Natasha with a shake of my head. She looked startled by me, "I don't want him to apologize. He shouldn't have to, he doesn't need to! Nat, I—"
"You've been talking to Bucky since after Vincent tried to kidnap you from the Tower. I know. I've known." Natasha replied and my eyes widened slightly. I opened my mouth to question her, but she shrugged nonchalantly, "I'm Natasha Romanof. I'm paranoid and very good at finding answers."
"Why didn't you say anything? Does Clint know?"
Natasha shook her head, "No. He doesn't. I didn't tell him for the same reason that I didn't bring it up to you or anyone else. It wasn't my secret to reveal." She gave me a small smile. "Bucky was on the run. He was hiding from the world, from Steve, and the only thing that changed his mind—the only thing that made him risk his anonymity was you."
"But I—"
She stepped closer, "But nothing. As much as Steve doesn't want to hear it, Bucky Barnes isn't ready to be in his life again. He would've run immediately with Steve. But he didn't run from you."
"You're wrong. He did run." I tried to keep my voice steady. "I lost him. I wasted our one shot with him."
"I don't think you did." She replied with ease. "He spoke to you, every day, for three months. And he was clear, wasn't he? For most of it? I have to assume he was more Bucky with you than Winter Soldier." I bobbed my head once and Natasha grinned. "Steve won't admit it, not yet, but Bucky Barnes needed you. Needs you."
I let out a tired laugh, "The fact that he ran, told me he couldn't talk to me anymore, says otherwise."
Natasha smirked, "You ever think that he ran because he needs you." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but she didn't let me voice it aloud. "You were helping him. The fear of it spooked him. It's scary to get better, it's scary to be around people you think you're gonna hurt, it's scary to start to care again, and it's terrifying to think that you could be the downfall of someone you love."
"How do you know so much about him?"
"I was talking from experience." Natasha shrugged. "Kind of a 'been there, done that, still there some days' situation." She reached forward to tuck some hair behind my ear. "Now come on. I was wrestling robots in a flying city 8 hours ago. It's time for ice cream and romcoms."
As tempting as that sounded, and God it was so damn tempting, I shook my head making her raise an eyebrow at me. I gave her a tight smile, "You gotta find Tony. Or—Or get in touch with Pepper and Rhodey. He's…"
"What happened, Aj?" Natasha pressed with her own worry.
"I ruined his day too." I chuckled and turned away so I didn't have to look her in the eyes anymore. I grabbed the broken phone and tried to put the battery back in, "I had to tell him some news. Something I learned in Romania and he didn't take it well…"
Natasha tilted her head and I forced myself to glance over and shake my head. She knew I couldn't repeat the news. It wasn't my place. We agreed on that topic. I couldn't tell Natasha about Tony's business because he deserved to be in control of who knew. Natasha didn't tell people about me talking to Bucky because she offered me the same thing.
"Clint is in the shower. I'll send him up here when he's done." Natasha reached out to squeeze my arm. "Everything is going to be okay, you know? Rough day, but rough days pass."
I nodded and gave her another tight smile. Natasha leaned forward to hug me one more time before hurrying out of the room. That gave me real comfort. Natasha was good at bringing Tony off the edge. If he was still in the Compound she could work wonders. If he wasn't? Well, Natasha could manage that too.
Knowing Clint, he'd probably be here in the next ten minutes. As soon as Natasha told him about what was going on the archer would rush through anything to get up here. He should probably go looking for Steve though. Somebody needed to be with him too. Hopefully, Thor hadn't gone back to Asgard yet and found him. Thor was really good with him.
I walked into my bedroom and found my bag. Quickly, I dug out my real phone and put it back together before dropping the cracked burner into the bag to replace it. When the phone came back to life, I watched as the screen exploded with various texts, missed calls, and even a voicemail.
Depressed exhaustion turned to stunned disbelief when I realized the voicemail was from Steve. I sat down on the bed and clicked on it. The message was from the day before. He called me when I was in the airport in Romania waiting for my flight home. Nervously, I hit his name and brought the phone up to my ear.
"Hey, Aj… I, uh, I wanted to talk to you. I was hoping to hear your voice, but…but maybe this is better. All of us are on a quinjet to Sokovia right now. That's where Ultron is starting the final fight. It's going to be a bad one, we think. But I'm not—I'm not saying that to worry you. I don't want you to worry about us, I just want—… To say good-bye? No, no, not—Damn, I am just as bad at this on the phone as I am in person, aren't I? Hah, Aj, I think we'll be okay. I have faith that we will. The Avengers are a mess, we always have been, but we're also a family and families don't stop caring or fighting for one another. Ultron is a dangerous threat, but together…so are we. My point is, I think we'll be fine and I think this time tomorrow we'll be playing beer pong in the new Compound yelling at one another about breaking the rules or cheating but…but I would never forgive myself if I didn't take the time to call you. To say what I feel. Aj, you are… I want… You're so important to me. I love every single member of our messed up, crazy family, but you are special. You're… You're the first person I want to talk to when I wake up and the last person I want to see before I go to bed. Is that cheesy to say? I hope it doesn't sound that way I just want to… When I get back, and I will, we'll have a Netflix night. I owe you one and I wanna talk to you about something anyways. I—I miss you, Aj. I'll see you soon."
The phone slipped from my grip, clattered to the wooden floor, as sobs racked my body. In that moment, curled up in tight ball, to try and ease the ache in my chest, all I could hear were my hysterical, gasping cries and the guilt of betrayal ringing in my skull.
Clint came out of the elevator still drying his hair with the fresh towel he had found in his new bathroom. The big pieces of furniture still hadn't been delivered, but Stark had made sure the basics were there so they could at least clean up and rest. The genius was considered a genius for a reason. He slung the towel over his shoulder and knocked on Aj's apartment door. Natasha had given him the spark notes version of the drama currently ensuing.
Aj told Tony something she learned in Romania and he was having a breakdown in an unknown location. Steve had found a burner phone Aj had been using to keep in touch with Bucky Barnes, a fact Clint couldn't believe he didn't puzzle out himself, and was now in the training gym destroying any punching bag he could find while Thor tried to talk him down. That left Aj to sit in her room and suffocate with guilt that didn't belong to her.
Should she have told Steve about Bucky? Probably.
Did she deserve to sit in her room alone and hate herself for the mistake? Definitely not.
When she didn't come to the door, he opened it himself, "Aj?" Clint walked through the foyer into the empty and queit apartment. Had she fallen asleep? He glanced around, "Hey, kid, you pass out?"
Sleep was on the list of things that the poor girl desperately needed. Clint walked over to where he assumed the bedroom probably was and quietly pushed the door open in hopes to not wake her up. When he peeked his head in though, the room was empty. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Had he picked the wrong apartment? Natasha had said red door. His eyes landed on a folded piece of paper sitting on the bed.
"Fuck." Clint sprinted out of the apartment not even bothering to look at the note. He knew a good-bye letter when he saw one. Clint took the stairs, not wanting to risk losing time in the elevator, and the sudden movements reminded him that he had just gotten off a very long, very tiring mission. Still, he didn't slow, and he continued to curse with every step he took.
Aj's first instinct was always fight or flight. 9 times out of 10 she picked fight, but they always seemed to forget that flight was a normal option in her mind. Tensions were high, people were angry, but Clint was not going to let her throw everything away by running.
Not today, not ever.
When he got outside, he spotted Aj throwing bags into the trunk of an older, beat up car. Clint recognized the blonde sitting in the driver's seat tapping against the steering wheel. It was the bartender from Aj's old drinking spot. The one she had taken Tony to a while back. He didn't linger on that for more than a second though.
"Aj!" Clint barked and didn't stop running until he got a few feet away. She turned to look at him, closing the trunk slowly, and keeping her gaze on him. Aj's eyes were rimmed red. She had been crying recently and crying hard by the looks of it. The tip of her nose and cheeks were ruddy in color. He also took in the sling she wore for her left arm. Clint shook his head, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Aj shot him a tight smile, as if her face didn't look like she was collapsing, "Getting a ride to the city, Clint, what does it look like?" He shook his head firmly and she stepped closer. "I'm really glad to see you. I felt bad that I hadn't seen you, Thor, or Bruce yet."
"Aj, what are you doing?" Clint pressed again. He didn't bother telling her that Bruce was MIA. It wouldn't help. He reached out to tightly hold onto her right hand so she couldn't leave. Aj couldn't leave if he didn't let go.
"How do you feel?" Aj asked as if he wasn't even speaking. "You look like shit, man."
Clint knew he did. The right side of his face was bruised and aching to all hell. The gash at his hairline, that the medics had sutured up hours ago, was now beginning to hurt as the local anesthetic they used wore off. Still, that was not what this conversation was about.
"Get your bags." Clint said firmly. "I'm taking you back to your room."
She shook her head and spoke softly, "No, you're not."
Clint pressed his lips together then offered her a tense smile, "I'm already planning to ground you for the Romania, don't make me add extra time to the eternity I was planning on grounding you for."
"I'm sorry I lied to you." Aj replied quietly. Too quietly. He hated that tone from her.
"Don't apologize. You did what you had to do. I'd be a hypocrite to be pissed about that." Clint replied. He squeezed her wrist, "What I am upset about is you leaving. Don't make a rash decision like this. Think, Aj."
Aj chuckled, "For once, I kind of did think this through."
"Aj—"
"No, really, Clint." She smiled at him and this time it reached her eyes. "I've…I've changed so much in the last four months and it's because of y'all. I told Bucky…" She twisted her lips at the name then shook her head, "I told him that he needs a safe space and people who love him in order to heal and then—then when Vincent offered me a job—"
Clint blinked in shock, "When who offered you a what?"
She continued, ignoring his interruption, "I told him no. I told him I was worthy of a chance to prove that I was more than what I always thought I was. That I deserved it, and I don't think I've ever felt that way in my life."
"What are you trying to say, Aj?" Clint sighed. "Because everything I'm hearing is that being here is good for you. So why would you try to leave?"
"Tony and Steve need space to recover." Aj shook her head. "And they can't do that with me here."
Clint physically had to restrain himself from outwardly groaning in frustration. He tightened his hand on her wrist again, "They're idiots. Just ignore them. That's what I do!"
"Hey, are we heading out? I gotta get back soon." Clint glanced over to see the bartender had gotten out of the car to look at them over the roof.
Aj nodded, "Yeah, Alex. Just a minute."
"Stop. Don't do this." Clint said firmly.
"Clint… Tony has houses all over the world to run to so maybe this is only partly for him, but for Steve…this is his home." Aj bobbed her head toward the Compound behind him. "I hurt him. I hurt him bad. He needs the space from me. Steve's too good of a person. If I stick around he's going to try and make amends and I… I don't deserve those amends."
Clint scoffed, "So what? This is you trying to punish yourself for him?" Aj gave him a small, sad smile. "Where the hell are you gonna go, Aj?"
"With me, hawk dude." Alex chimed in. If Clint weren't so on edge and bothered by the situation on hand he would've found the words charming. This was a problem though. There were so many reasons as to why she shouldn't leave. Clint was half tempted to just pick her up, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her back inside. Fuck her self imposed punishment. He'd duct tape her to the damn wall if he had to. HYDRA was out there. Vincent was out there. Boss was out there. If a single one of them even looked at her wrong, Clint would lose his shit.
More so than those dangers, he was worried that Aj was a danger to herself. She spoke of change, and God he was so proud of her, but the world was filled with temptations and it was all too easy to fall back into old habits. Clint didn't want her to throw away all of her progress because she was trying to be noble.
Steve had a right to be angry, but it shouldn't cost Aj her growth.
"You have to let me go, Clint." Aj said softly. "I need this too. I need to take a step back and…and I need you to have faith in me." His eyebrows furrowed and she gave him a knowing look, "I'm not going back into fighting. This isn't a relapse it's a… it's a vacation."
The word vacation insinuated that the person would be having a good time or relaxing, but the stressed and pained look in her red rimmed blue eyes told him otherwise. Clint clenched his jaw in defeat. Amongst the hurt, there was also determination in her gaze. As much as he liked his duct tape plan, he realistically knew that he couldn't hold Aj prisoner here. She had the freedom of choice. Her entire life people had taken that from her, made decisions for her and left her reeling, and Clint swore on everything he valued that he would not be one of them.
"You don't have to do this, you know? You don't."
Aj chuckled with a small nod, "Yeah, I do."
Clint let out a shuddering breath and let go of her wrist. He shook his head, "Come back soon, kid. These doors are always open for you. This—" Clint glanced over his shoulder then looked back to her, "We are your home, and we'll always be waiting for you."
He watched her lower lip quiver once before she bit down on it. Aj closed the space to wrap her one good arm around him, and Clint returned the hug tightly. It felt too much like a good-bye. She squeezed him once more before letting go and quickly turning away to walk to the passenger door. Clint saw a tear fall down her cheek, but he didn't mention it for her sake.
Clint grabbed the top of the door to hold it for her as she climbed in. Aj quickly buckled herself in and glanced up at him. He nodded once, "See you later, kid."
Aj gave him a tight-lipped smile and he shut the door. He stayed outside and watched until the car left his sight. Clint would give her a little time, but he wouldn't let her needlessly torture herself as an unfitting punishment. He pulled his hearing aids out, the pieces irritating his ears after being in for so long consecutively. Clint walked back towards the Compound in complete silence, and mentally drafted the speech he would say to her after a little time was given. He'd never take away her choice, but that didn't mean he couldn't try to sway her from coming back.
