For just a second, Levi felt his mind become completely distracted. His grief, his sadness, his pain, all of it was replaced by the sudden wave of interest.
From what little he knew about Aubrey's father, he thought it was perhaps the topic that brought her the most discomfort. Unlike the sadness she felt about the loss of her friends, the mention of her father had always made her bitter and distant. This wound, whatever it was, ran deeper than any other.
He leaned forward, sitting up and forcing Aubrey to move back. Her brow furrowed a bit, unsure of what he was doing.
Levi looked her in the eyes, intent on making her see his seriousness.
"You don't have to tell me."
He knew that remembering her father made Aubrey upset and she was already feeling enough pain and grief as it was. If explaining her past was going to add to that, he didn't even want her thinking about it.
Aubrey felt herself melt. The concern on his features brought tears to her eyes. He didn't want to pressure her.
She crawled forward, placing herself in his lap and holding his face in her hands. She resolved to speak strongly. He needed to know that she was sure, that he was the one she wanted to tell.
"Levi."
Aubrey paused, watching to see if he was listening. His eyes were glued to hers and she knew she had his full attention.
"You are the only person who has ever made me even think about revealing my past. I want to tell you. I want you to know who I am."
Levi stared at her, analyzing every word she'd said. She sounded sure and he certainly wanted to hear what she had to say but…
"I'm sure, Levi."
It was enough to get him to relax. She could stop any time it became too much.
As soon as Aubrey heard a huff of agreement leave his lungs, she placed a hand on his chest, pushing lightly until his back hit the wall. It was a long story; they'd need to get comfortable.
Aubrey turned herself around, leaning her back against his chest and seating herself between his legs.
She sighed as soon as her head fell against his shoulder. He was warm and the steady rise and fall of his breaths was incredibly calming.
Her hand found his and she brought his palm to her lap.
Instantly, her mind brought her back to a sunny day at the pond, Levi in front of her as she traced the creases of his hand. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
Her fingers found those same creases, sketching the lines and feeling the callouses.
Levi relaxed muscles he hadn't realized he'd been tensing. He, too, remembered the last time she'd done this. Compared to where they were right now, that time seemed so… simple.
Aubrey continued tracing until she ran out of lines to follow and then began aimlessly drawing on his skin. It didn't just soothe him, it soothed her, too. The repetitive and mindless motion helped her to gather her thoughts. She didn't know where to start. Levi had asked about the stars but there was a long story behind that. Finally, she decided to just start at the beginning.
Aubrey took a breath. It was time.
"Well, I guess I should start by saying that I was born in the north but, I think you already knew that. "
Levi glanced down at her. She seemed calm, comfortable even. He hummed in response. He remembered it coming up when he'd confronted her about her last name.
Aubrey continued on.
"And, um, my mother died in childbirth. I was her first and only child. I had no siblings."
Levi stayed silent. He knew that one, too.
"Her name was Alexandra. Obviously, I never met her but… I've been told she was a very kind woman."
Levi noticed her pause as she chose her next words.
"That… kindness always confused me. I could never understand how someone who cared about others could marry someone like my father."
Aubrey felt the first surge of anger. She knew she'd be upset and she was only expecting her anger to grow as she continued.
Aubrey took a breath, trying to calm herself.
"My father, my whole family actually, were what one might call… survivalists."
Another pause.
"He was… obsessed with staying alive, no matter what happened. He insisted that I be prepared for any and all situations. I had a dagger in my hands by the time I could walk and it wasn't much longer before he put me in 3DMG."
Levi felt the urge to turn her head so he could see her face. He felt like he could sense where this was going and... It wasn't good.
"I suppose that, on the surface, his teachings might seem… advantageous. Knowing how to protect myself has certainly served me well. But… my father was a cruel man. For him, it was not simply preparing me for the worst. He didn't do what he did out of love for me, he did it out of bitterness and hate."
Aubrey felt a shudder run up her spine and before she could even try to relax, Levi's arm had made its way around her waist, holding her tightly.
She couldn't help but sink back into him. He was comforting in every way.
"I guess I'll never know for sure why he hated me so but I've always thought it was because of my mother. I think he loved her very much and, because of me… she's dead."
Levi didn't know what to say. He just held her tighter.
"Anyway, my father was the head of our family business. My grandparents died before I was born and he was the eldest son. He took over before I was even alive. He never told me exactly what our "family business" was but I suspect it had something to do with the fact that we were all good with a blade. Military, assassins, spies, bodyguards, probably all of those and more. Everyone in my family was raised to fight and to always win. I guess that's why we always had plenty of money."
Aubrey stopped for a moment, feeling Levi shift behind her. She had a feeling he was at a loss for words.
"Because of that, my father rarely had to leave the house. As the family leader, he gave orders instead of doing dirty work. As a result he could train me all day, every day. And, well… he was a very strict teacher."
Now she was getting to the part that pained her, the part that left her permanently scarred.
"My father demanded strength and perfection in everything I did. I can't tell you the number of times I had to hide bruises with my clothes. Every time I executed a move wrong, every time I didn't hit the right target, even if he didn't like my posture… he would beat me."
Levi closed his eyes. It hurt him to know that her childhood had perhaps been just as difficult as his own, albeit in different ways. He knew from his own experience that there was nothing he could say or do to make the trauma go away. All he could do was listen.
"He was always very careful not to leave any permanent scars. He said that I had to make sure I stayed pretty, that it was an advantage in the world to be attractive."
Aubrey felt the second surge of anger. This time, it was more intense than the last and she scoffed. The idea of "staying pretty" had always irked her. She never liked the concept of using her appearance to manipulate.
She shook her head, returning to the present. She wasn't even close to done yet.
"Anyway, pain wasn't the only kind of punishment he gave me. Sometimes he'd make me go days without food, telling me it was because I needed to know how to 'function on an empty stomach'. He made me sleep in the barn without a blanket in the middle of the winter because I needed to know how to 'survive the cold'. He was always looking for some excuse to torture me, saying it was for the purpose of me learning how to 'stay alive both inside and outside the walls.'"
Levi shifted again, waiting for the next installment. With each and every speech, he paid closer attention to her heartbeat, her breathing, everything. He wanted to make sure he was ready if she started to break.
"He taught me everything from reading, writing, science, and history, to strategy, etiquette, and music. He insisted that I not only needed to be a good soldier but also of superior class and intellect. But most of my training still centered around hand to hand combat and the 3DMG. I think you already know that I don't fight in the typical military style. That's because my father taught me a different method. It's specific to my family, or at least they're the only people I've ever known who use it. It's… a very deadly style of fighting. Instead of every move being designed to subdue my enemy, my father taught me how to always go for the kill. It was hard to cover up when I first joined the Training Corps. I had to intentionally go against what my muscles already knew. It was like relearning how to walk."
Aubrey felt surprisingly… not sad. She'd thought that tears would be involved in the telling of this story but so far all she'd felt was the anger. It spurred her on, pushing her to proceed.
"The 3DMG was even worse. I'd been using it since my father could fit me in the straps and before that he'd had me working on balance drills. I had to pretend like I didn't know anything. It was excruciating."
Aubrey paused for a moment. She was getting off track. She was supposed to be talking about her father, not the Training Corps.
"Anyway, that was my life. Training and torture, day in and day out. I think I had just turned eight when I realized that I needed to leave. But my father was all that I had. I couldn't go to a family member, they'd just return me. I could've made a run for the streets but I wasn't sure I'd make it. I was still so young. I knew my best choice was waiting for the military draft when I was twelve. So, I waited. When the time finally came, I grabbed as many supplies as I could and left. I found my way to the city and enrolled in the Training Corps. I used the last name "Daremo" as an alias but it was a dumb choice. I enrolled with the same first name and "Daremo" means "no one" in the northern dialect. My stupid twelve year brain was too symbolic. Had he wanted to, I'm sure my father could have found me easily. But I don't think he did want to. I think he was happy, elated even, to see me go. He hated me and I'm sure he was glad to have me gone. But, when I left him, I felt free for the first time. I found Tika and Jack and I promised myself that I would become the opposite of what he'd tried to make me. I would smile, I would be happy, I would care."
Aubrey stopped, realizing that she'd once again managed to get off topic. She'd never answered Levi's original question.
"Oh, you asked about the stars. My father taught me how to read them and use them to navigate but that wasn't exactly a pleasant experience. Every time I got a constellation wrong he'd give me a new bruise. The real reason I like them is because of my mother."
Levi's brows lowered. Her casual mention of her beatings was disturbing and he grew more concerned with each passing second.
"The cemetery was close enough to our house that I could walk there. But my father would never let me go during the day, so I had to go at night. The problem was that it was always too dark for me to find my way. The north has some very black nights and it's a miracle if there isn't some kind of snow, fog, or mist, too. The full moon was the only thing that gave me enough light to find my way. I'd go to my mother's grave and sit there until dawn. It was the only kind of peace that I had in my life."
Aubrey realized that she'd stopped tracing Levi's hand at some point and she quickly resumed.
"I guess that peace has carried over because now it's the only night I really sleep. I mean, except when I'm with you, of course."
Levi tightened his grip around her waist. If she'd let him, she'd never have to experience that nightmare again. If his presence was enough, he'd stay with her every night for the rest of his life.
Aubrey fell silent. She didn't know what to say next. She didn't really want to go into much detail right now. There was so much, so many horror stories she could tell him but she figured she'd save those for another time. It seemed like too much for one night.
Levi recognized that she'd finished when she didn't speak up after several seconds. He didn't even bother trying to comfort her with words. Instead, he grabbed the hand that was tracing his palm and squeezed it tightly.
But, something flickered in his mind and he suddenly realized that there was one bit of information she'd left out.
"What was your father's name?"
Aubrey frowned. Saying her father's name seemed so strange, so foreign. Not once in her life had she dared to call him by it.
"Julias. His name was Julias Hilmar."
A/N: Backstory overload lol. I hope Aubrey's history wasn't cheesy/typical/overdramatic. When I came up with it in my head it sounded really great, but I know that sometimes it doesn't always translate well on the page.
I am somewhat sorry to say that we still have ONE more confessional from Levi about HIS past to get through. I hope these aren't getting boring. I'll try to speed up Levi's backstory since we all pretty much know it but Aubrey has to learn about it somehow lol. After that's over I can start to move the story forward a little bit.
PLEASE leave a comment and tell me what you thought! I'm concerned that things are moving too slow and are getting a little repetitive so let me know! Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate all of you :)
