CW: hospitals, orphanages, mentions of abuse, mentions of murder, anxiety

Chapter Thirty: The Long Night

"Tom!" Merope called from the bottom of the stairs. "Supper's ready, are you awake?"

Tom blearily opened his eyes, a wave of tiredness hitting him. He hadn't realized just how exhausting the day had been for him until that very second. But he had to go downstairs and be with his family. Plus, he'd regret it if he didn't eat something before this evening's events. It was going to be difficult enough without adding hunger to it.

He pushed himself out of bed and away from all the memories threatening to swallow him up. Merope and Marvolo were waiting for him downstairs - he wanted to be with them. He walked down the steps and smiled at them both from the entryway. The table had already been set and they were waiting for him.

"I apologize, I was more tired than I thought." Tom said smoothly, taking his place at the table.

"It's alright." Merope said warmly. "I'm sorry you're feeling tired though. Here, maybe some of this will help." She scooped out some of the soup he had prepared and handed him some bread.

"Thank you," He took the food offered, then asked. "How was your work, Merope?"

This question led to a long, but entertaining description of her day at St. Mungos. Her project was back on track, but now there was one partner in their group that had constant troubles keeping up with the work. For one reason or another, they kept leaving to go home or away from the lab for hours.

"It drives me crazy!" Merope finished, jabbing her pie vengefully.

Tom had picked up a pie for them at the bakery the day before, a pumpkin one for the season. He had brought the pumpkins over with Marvolo a couple weeks before, so Nate had been busy making all kinds of confections with them. He flatly refused to let Tom pay for the pie when he'd come back. 'You brought me the pumpkins, so I brought you the pies!' He'd said cheerfully.

"I'm sorry your coworker is giving you problems." Tom said calmly.

"You should clobber them." Marvolo said gruffly.

"Maybe not clobber them," Tom added hastily. "Their work will speak for itself, Merope. I'm sure your supervisor will see it too."

Merope nodded, touching Marvolo on the shoulder to show she appreciated his statement too. "Thanks for the support, but you're right. I'll let the work do the talking."

The rest of the evening passed by quietly, if a little too quickly for Tom. He said goodnight to his family, then walked slowly up the stairs and over to his bookshelf. The ring seemed to be mocking him, challenging him to take accountability. He had made a significant amount of progress - he could interact with people without manipulating or hurting them, he could teach and create things without destroying others, and he felt happier now than he ever had before.

This happiness had come with a cost - he had gone through the agony of remorse to heal past horcruxes. But in person, real accountability, that was a whole other category of pain that Tom didn't know if he could manage. It was different with the victims who didn't remember what he'd done, like Morfin. These victims would remember him - would know exactly what he'd done. And he knew that it didn't really matter what he said because it wouldn't make it right.

He used to think you could say the right thing, could fix anything with a few manipulations or the right amount of pain. But after experiencing thousands of years worth of pain, after working with people without manipulating them, he knew that wasn't true. So, bracing himself for the absolute worst, Tom slipped on the ring.

When he opened his eyes, Tom found himself in Death's office. Death was perched on top of her desk, a cup of tea in her hands. Surprised, Tom noticed they were alone.

"I figured I'd let you settle in before I brought in everyone else." Death explained, taking a sip of her tea.

"That was thoughtful of you." Tom said, a little stiffly. He stood there, unsure of what to do with himself. Feeling anxious and insecure, Tom started to pace around the office. Death watched his journey around the office, eyes lit up with amusement.

"You're going to make a hole in my floor." She mused casually.

Tom blew out a sigh. "I have no idea what's going to happen or what I'm going to do."

He crossed back over and sat down in his usual chair. Death watched him for a moment, then flicked a finger, bringing over another cup of tea. Once he had it in his hands, Death started talking in a soothing but firm sort of way.

"I can't tell you what you're going to do," Death said. "But what's going to happen is that the children from Wool's that you hurt are going to come in to talk. They're going to tell you how they feel and you're going to listen to them."

Tom nodded, closing his eyes again. After an impossibly long minute, Tom opened his eyes and looked into Death's face. He hadn't really looked at her before, not directly. He still held a healthy respect for her, but after spending so much time with her Tom was starting to see more than his own fear. There was a softness to her that he'd never noticed before, around her eyes and in the curve of her jaw. Though Tom had no intention of ever underestimating Death again, there was something in her dark eyes that made him relax for the very first time around her.

"Okay." He let out a shaky breath. "I'm ready."

Death looked at him just a second longer, then nodded. Setting down her tea, Death gracefully stood up and went over to the door. She opened it, allowing an older woman and three children. At first Tom was confused - shouldn't there be more? - but then he remembered how little time he spent with others in the orphanage. After what happened with these three children, Tom had largely been left alone. These four individuals were the ones he had directly affected with his actions.

Tom followed them with his eyes, but none of them looked at him until they had taken seats on a sofa together. Tom's chair turned to face them all, while Death retook her perch on the desk. Once she had made herself comfortable, Death addressed the room.

"I've explained to Tom how this is going to work. If one of you would like to talk first, we can begin."

The four of them looked at each other, then nodded. Miss Cole cleared her throat, then looked directly at Tom.

"Tom," She began, her eyes searching his face. "None of us here behaved perfectly. I know that I was not there for you the way I wish I could have been now. Maybe, if I'd been more a parental figure for you, you would have turned out differently. I was there, you know, when you were born."

Tom had not known that, but he couldn't speak. Miss Cole didn't seem to need him to say anything though, as she continued.

"But Tom - you killed people, baby." Her voice ached, as though she was trying to break this news to him gently. "I took care of you, held you as the bombs fell during the war. You knew how devastating death and pain could be, despite how much we tried to shield you all from it. I don't understand why you hurt Billy's rabbit, or Amy and Dennis, or anyone else."

Tom bowed his head, searching for something to say. He couldn't lie to her, or offer any comforting platitudes. But he didn't really want to admit the truth either, even after all this time. He cast a brief glance at Death, then looked back into Miss Cole's face.

"I was scared." He said quietly. "It's not an excuse, it's not meant to take any of the blame off of myself. I just want you to understand that there wasn't anything you could have done differently. It wouldn't have changed anything, Miss Cole."

"We were scared too!" Billy burst out, seeming unable to stop himself. "We were all scared, but we didn't kill anyone because of it!"

"Billy…" Dennis reached out his hand to touch Billy's shoulder, but Billy only brushed him off.

"That rabbit was all I had!" Billy's eyes blazed in his face, misery and rage in equal measure. "And you took her from me - for what? I wasn't the nicest kid to you, but she...she didn't do anything to you!"

Billy's eyes swam with tears, but he kept eye contact with Tom. It was Tom who looked away, down to his hands in his lap. He couldn't imagine the love Billy had for his rabbit, but as Tom considered the care and loyalty he felt to Merope and Marvolo… It made sense now, what Tom could not understand as anything other than human weakness before.

Tom looked back up, facing Billy. "You're right, Billy. She didn't do anything, and you didn't do anything, that justified what I did."

Billy continued to stare at him, brushing his tears away as they fell.

"I have people I care about now." Tom continued. "That has taught me how to understand a fraction of how you feel. I'll never understand completely, because that part of my being is missing, but I want you to know how sorry I am. I cannot change what I did to you, but if there is something I can do now, I promise I will."

Tom turned to Amy and Dennis. "For you both, as well. I want to spend all the time I have making this right. I never will be able to, I know that, but I want you to know I'm ready to try."

Amy looked to her brother, who nodded and stood up. Dennis crossed to Tom's chair, then held out his hand.

"Shake, Tom." He said. "Because we will, in fact, get another shot at life. And we don't want to carry this burden of fear and anger towards you anymore."

Tom stood and shook Dennis' hand.

"I want that for you." He said, realizing it at that moment. "I want that for all of you - a better, happier life than the one I was a part of."

Miss Cole's eyes shined brightly, and she dabbed them with her handkerchief. "Good boy, Tom."

Amy piped up from behind Dennis. "We heard what you promised earlier today - to the other orphans. Is it true?"

Tom looked over Dennis' shoulder at Amy. "Yes, it's true. I'd like to hear what you all would suggest, if you don't mind."

"Brilliant!" Dennis exclaimed, clapping Tom's shoulder and sitting back down by Amy.

Even Billy gave Tom a small smile. "The Tom I knew never would have asked for our opinion on anything, so maybe you have changed, just a little."

"Well," Amy said briskly, turning to get papers from behind herself. "We haven't got all night, and I wanted to give these to you, Tom."

She held the papers out to Tom, who gently took them. They were drawings - sketches of their orphanage, only larger and brighter. He had no idea Amy could draw like this before and found himself absorbed in the drawings and the details she had included. There were four floors, with what looked like an elevator and stairs to each level.

"I heard magic can power them," Amy explained. "So it won't cost too much to have an elevator. And some of the kids couldn't walk after they caught polio."

Tom nodded. "I think I could manage a spell like that. What's this here on the first floor?"

"A school!" Amy explained, pointing to the front of the building. "There would be offices and a school here. And I put an infirmary on the east wing, and a huge kitchen and pantry on the west wing."

She looked up at Tom. "I heard magic can multiply food and preserve it for ages, is that true?"

"Yeah," Tom nodded. "It's true. None of the children will go hungry."

Amy beamed at him, and Miss Cole broke into tears again. Even Billy's eyes widened in wonder.

Amy continued to explain her drawings, while Dennis quietly added details every so often. Miss Cole also pitched in a few things, like a staff room where they could relax after the children went to sleep. But Billy just watched Tom, assessing him carefully through the night. They honestly wouldn't have been able to tell when night had ended, if Death hadn't stood up and said so.

They said their goodbyes, Amy and Dennis shook Tom's hand again. Amy insisted on him keeping the drawings and notes she'd made. Miss Cole held Tom close, hesitant until he held her back. And then he and Billy looked at each other again.

"Billy," Tom said, wanting him to really understand. "I know you won't believe me until you see it. So, if Death can help out?"

He looked at Death for confirmation, and was surprised and pleased when she smiled.

Tom turned back to Billy. "I want you with me to see the reconstruction, whenever you feel like coming."

Billy's eyes widened in surprise, and then, slowly he held out his hand. "This is not forgiveness."

"I know." Tom shook Billy's hand.

When the door closed behind them all, Death clapped Tom on the back.

"Well," She chuckled. "That went surprisingly well, didn't it?"

"Something like that." Tom breathed. "But the work's not finished yet."

Notes:

Right, well. I did a bit of research before this chapter on orphanages and inventions during that time, but I'm still working on it. I'm also no good at writing accents, so I'll leave that to your imagination.

As for Mrs. Cole, who is alive at the time of this conversation, Death sort of pulled some strings so she could be there. As far as Mrs. Cole is aware, she just had a very strange dream that she can't properly remember. I've taken licenses on how much our souls remember, but I just couldn't not have her there.

Happy Reading!