"This is lame, hm." Deidara muttered under his breath as he carefully made a flower crown out of daisies.
Obito was just far enough away that he didn't hear it, but he looked towards him anyway since he'd seen Deidara's lips moving from the corner of his eyes.
Deidara clammed up, hoping to hell he wasn't heard. It would suck to go through all this only to find out he couldn't see under Tobi's damn mask by the end of it!
The three were six weeks into their mission (vacation) and had gone through all the tourist activities. They'd hiked the cliff paths, they dug up thousands of shellfish, they swam in the ocean, did some wake boarding, ate all the different foods available, rode horses, assassinated some bullies, went fishing, deep sea diving, and had Itachi's home cooked meals in all of the parks for picnics.
Obito didn't forget to keep giving scrolls of food to Severus-chan and Minato every day either. One day he'd give them a bunch of frozen fish, another day he'd give them candies, and so on and so forth. He wanted to make sure he was giving them a variety of different things. He even gave a bunch of things at once too, like that one time he gave them hundreds of packages of instant noodles, and hundreds of jars of pickles.
Sure he was being petty by not following Severus-chan's nutrition guide for food, but it wasn't his fault Severus had hidden the fact that he could bring people back to life. Maybe if Obito had Rin by his side, she'd have been inclined to help him obtain better meals for his prisoners.
Which is what he'd been calling them in his mind after two months of looking after them. It boosted his ego a bit, even if the two of them could escape as easily as breathing.
Obito squinted at his moody teenagers as they made their flower crowns with varying amounts of enthusiasm. Deidara looked bored out of his mind, while Itachi seemed almost at peace with the mindless task.
Both had come up with their own conclusions about the mission already, but neither had voiced their opinions about it. They were determined to continue this 'mission' for the chance at a glimpse of Obito's face.
Two more weeks to go.
"Alright! Tobi finished his crown!" Obito exclaimed as he lifted the mess of a daisy crown onto his spiky head.
Deidara looked up from his own messy crown before sighing and putting it on his head too. Itachi's crown was of course, impeccable.
He looked absolutely dashing with his crown of daisies.
"Wow Deidara-san you really suck at this!" Obito laughed as he bounced over and squatted in front of the boy to attempt to fix the crown. Deidara pouted, but didn't refuse the help.
He'd learned from the first ten times what it meant to refuse Tobi when he wanted to help. (Incessant whining, keening and threatening to break eardrums)
Even Itachi had stopped slapping away Obito's touchy hands. (Though sometimes he found himself planning murder when Obito took it upon himself to help wash his back in the baths.)
Once Obito did his best to make Deidara's crown prettier, he turned to Itachi and grinned happily behind his mask. "Your crown is so pretty Itachi-san! You look like an innocent angel!"
Itachi crushed a daisy in his hand at the perceived insult. His face dangerously blank as he cut Obito open with his sharingan. Figuratively. His mangekyo had no power over Obito's, and he knew it.
"Just two more weeks hm?" Deidara hummed as he stood and wiped dirt off his pants with the back of his hands.
Obito was extremely put out by that comment. He knew they weren't really enjoying themselves at all with him, and it really made him feel like crap. He was already feeling guilty from ruining their lives, he just wanted to give them some time to be happy.
If only he knew what would make the both of them happy while spending time with him at the same time.
"Oh! Tobi just remembered something!" Obito brightened as he quickly thought of something. "Tobi can teleport! So we can take a day break and Tobi can take you guys where ever you want to go!"
Itachi didn't react to that, but the information was neatly filed into the back of his mind inside a box marked 'Madara'.
"Teleport hm? Do we get a day each? Cuz I wanna blow up some villages hm." Deidara grinned excitedly. "In Iwa!"
Itachi debated with himself as he thought about whether or not he should ask for what he desperately wanted.
"Tobi is a good boy! You can get a day each to do whatever you want, but Tobi gets to play too!" Obito said as he matched Deidara's excitement with his own.
Itachi internally deflated. He didn't think he could go see Sasuke..unless he just showed Sasuke the truth with a genjutsu after watching him in the shadows for a day. He could manage that without looking suspicious under Madara's watchful gaze.
"I need to make sure my brother is still following in my foot steps." Itachi said monotonously.
Obito groaned before nodding. "Itachi-san is so boring! Spy on thirteen year olds all day? Bah!"
Itachi stiffened minutely as he tried to decipher what Madara meant by that. Did that mean he disapproved? That he didn't like it when Itachi did anything to do with his brother?
He didn't once think that Obito didn't really mean a thing about it besides what he actually said.
Obito would have to be bored for a whole day as he watched Sasuke with Itachi. Though he really should have expected it.
Obito had a ton of fun blowing up villages in Iwa with Deidara and Itachi. Both of them were laughing like the evil villains they were as Itachi sat in the back of the clay bird with a bored expression.
After years of murdering and plundering, as well as the massacre of his entire clan by his own hands, Itachi had grown numb to the violence. He didn't enjoy it, but he also didn't really care about the senseless death either.
He just watched as villagers escaped the ruins with nothing but the clothes on their back and wounds that would lead to their painful deaths. Though he quickly decided he did have some mercy, and sent down a shadow clone to kill off the survivors.
It was the least he could do, and it seemed to make both Madara and Deidara happy as he 'joined in' on the senseless slaughter.
The next day, after resting and bathing at the inn back in Sakana, the three of them went to Konoha. All three settled into the shadows and watched with confusion as a tiny version of Severus trained Sasuke in training ground 44.
The confusion turned into curiosity and interest as the training got more complex. Itachi was absorbed in his brothers potential, while Deidara was having fun watching Itachi's brother get pummeled. Obito had quickly realized that the child in question was the real Orochimaru and just watched him intently.
His mind was working through the reasons why he was now five years old, and working for Konoha again. Until he finally decided that it was most likely Severus' doing. That man was always helping people left and right with no regard for who he was helping.
Obito couldn't really blame him, since he was one of the people that had been helped. He wondered briefly if he should wander back into the village and rejoin as if he'd never done all the shit he'd done in Akatsuki. Like he hadn't just happily murdered thousands of people just yesterday for fun.
Obito didn't like the idea of that. Being tied down to Konoha, in the same village as Kakashi. Sure he didn't really give a shit about the moons eye plan anymore, or peace for all that matter, but it didn't mean he wanted to work for the village that got Rin killed.
The hate that once consumed him entirely whenever he thought about it didn't appear this time. Obito didn't think much of it. He was tired of hating anyway.
He just wanted to have fun. And maybe relieve his guilt by becoming friends with Itachi and Deidara. He liked to think he was making progress.
As the day came to an end, the three of them prepared to leave back to the inn again. Itachi put his brother under the Tsukiyomi for a couple seconds, they went to get some dango, and Obito bought a couple hundred boxes of cheese.
"Finally! Hm!" Deidara groaned as the three of them packed their things from the Inn.
Itachi nodded, agreeing with Deidara completely as he turned to look at Madara.
The so called Madara was nervous as he packed away his extra cloaks into a scroll and stuffed it into his cloak.
"Ehehehe... Tobi made a promise ne? I suppose this means you two will be the third and fourth people to see Tobi's face since Tobi was a kid!" Obito chuckled, his voice extra squeaky from nervousness.
"That makes us important hm?" Deidara grinned as he turned to smile at Itachi.
In that two months, Deidara had lost all of his hostility towards the Uchiha as they suffered the 'fun' of this stupid mission together. Though Deidara would never admit that he actually did have some fun.
It was hilarious when Itachi kept falling off the wake board and choking on salt water. Deidara hadn't laughed so hard since he was a kid, and neither had Obito.
Even Itachi had enjoyed the peacefulness of the simple, yet tedious mission. He even spoke sometimes with Obito, though the conversations had been rather pointless.
Obito fiddled with his hands as he paced across the room in front of the teens. "Don't get your hopes up! Tobi isn't much to look at!" He warned them as he turned to the two waiting teens.
He'd spent two thirds of his life believing he was hideous so he had no idea that with a completely healed face he had the same amount of prettiness that all Uchiha possessed.
"Get on with it hm? If you aren't much to look at then what was with all the suspense hm?!" Deidara barked impatiently.
"Yes, please get on with it." Itachi droned.
"Okay, okay!" Obito said as he threw his hands up in exasperation.
The two teens looked at Obito intensely as he slowly reached up to his mask and began to carefully take it off his head.
They first noticed a scarless, square jaw that was undoubtedly handsome. Then they saw perfectly sculpted cheekbones, and a thin strong nose.
By that point they both realized that there was no way the voice Tobi used was anywhere near accurate. It just didn't match with the beautiful manly features they were finally seeing.
Deidara held his breath.
Finally Obito slipped the mask over his eyes and slowly opened them to gaze at them with the prettiest set of Uchiha black peepers they'd ever seen.
Deidara was frozen at the sight of another obvious Uchiha in their midst, but not at the fact that he was obviously Uchiha. No, it was the fact that he has undoubtedly the most handsome Uchiha in existence!
Itachi himself was actually stunned at the recognition. There was no mistaking Uchiha Obito for anyone.
Never.
Itachi had looked up to the boy that had once taught him how to throw his first kunai and showed him his first kata. His eyes widened, his ability to keep his face stoic all but vanishing in the face of the one he once called Nii-chan.
"Nii-chan!?" Itachi croaked.
Obito blinked at Itachi and felt his face heat up with embarrassment. "Oh of course you recognize me!" He flailed. "How embarrassing! I don't even look anything like I did when I was thirteen you fucking brat!"
Deidara was stunned by the sudden deepening of his voice before he looked between Itachi's shocked face and Tobi's frustrated one. "You two know each other hm?"
Obito just slumped and flopped into the bed and sighed loudly into the pillow. Itachi took that moment to wipe his face of all emotion.
"Uchiha Obito. He used to babysit me." Itachi responded dully as he turned to look at Deidara.
"Ehh!? How old are you, hm! You don't even look a day over twenty hm!" Deidara asked with disbelief.
"Twenty-six" Obito grumbled as he moved his face to look at the two of them with a pout. "Itachiii~ you're not supposed to recognize meee~" He whined unhappily.
Itachi found himself unable to hold back the slight lift of his lips. The happiness he felt of seeing his once favourite babysitter warring against the fact that he was now the secret leader of a terrorist organization.
And yet..Itachi found himself unable to blame Obito for it. Even as a child he'd noticed the discrimination the clan had subjected to the boy.
Uchiha were also known to get consumed by their hate, and it wasn't completely out of place to see the once happy go lucky child returning from the dead to massacre the people that had tormented him while he had been alive.
"You must be an idiot if you think you look any different than you did 14 years ago." Itachi teased monotonously. Though it still sounded harsh coming from him.
"Uuuuwuuuwuu..." Obito cried as he buried his face back into the pillow with shame.
"Are you sure you're Uchiha? You don't act anything like this stuck up fart hm." Deidara scoffed as he moved around the bed and poked the side of Obito's head.
"Oi! I'm the best Uchiha ever! I'm the strongest one left!" Obito barked out defensively as he swatted away Deidara's poking fingers and sat up.
"Well, you don't got much for competition since you killed the rest." Itachi said with a dull tone as he also moved closer to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Bah! That's in the past." Obito huffed sourly. "If you must know, I had been under the effects of the curse..as well as under the influence of an obedience seal."
"What's that hm?" Deidara asked, but didn't give any leeway as he immediately shot out another question. "You helped Itachi massacre your clan?" His eyes brightened, eager to listen to a good backstory. He settled into the bed to Obito's left, crossing his legs and propping his chin on his hand.
Obito sighed with defeat.
Since his identity was out of the bag, it would be better to just tell the whole truth and gain their trust completely so he could convince them to keep his story a secret from everyone else. He definitely didn't want Konoha knowing about his survival.
"If I'm gonna tell you two how I ended up where I am now, then we're gonna need sake." Obito grumbled.
"Should we stay another night hm?" Deidara grinned. "Itachi, send one of your shadow clone things to get us some drinks hm?"
Itachi was already on it, as he moved to get comfortable on the bed with his back against the bed board.
And later, when the three were wasted out of their minds. They all went to Konoha and abducted Danzo from the cells to torture him for fun.
Sasuke woke up in the hospital with a splitting head ache. His mind blank from the genjutsu his brother had put on him.
He blankly looked at the ceiling as he slowly absorbed the information he'd been given before closing his eyes with defeat.
There was no way he could kill his brother now. Not after the truth was drilled into his brain over and over again through his brothers Tsukiyomi. He'd seen the truth. The plans for the coup, the orders of the village elders, and Shisui-nii's suicide.
Sasuke stayed where he was for hours before he finally slowly sat up and looked around apathetically.
Kakashi-sensei was asleep on the chair to his left, while Naruto and the younger Kakashi were on his right sleeping with their faces on the edges of his bed.
He sat there and looked down at his hands for a few minutes until the door opened to reveal Severus. Sasuke stared at him blankly before his eyes suddenly filled with tears.
"Nii-san.." he cried as he reached out. Severus was by his side immediately, wrapping the boy up in his arms and tucking his head under his chin. Sasuke sobbed into his kimono as the pain of the truth finally hit him like a earth jutsu in the chest.
"It's okay, Sasuke..the man who made your brother do what he did is in jail right this instance. He's just been waiting on your verdict. You can choose whether or not you want him dead or tortured till he dies of old age." Severus promised in a soothing whisper as he gave the boy reassuring kisses on his head. He fingers ran soothing healing chakra over his birds nest of a hairdo, untangling and healing the mental trauma.
Severus ignored the frantic hand signs of one of the anbu telling him that Danzo escaped last night. He wasn't worried, he had a hiraishin seal tattooed to the back of the mans neck.
Sasuke ignored the information for now and just let himself cry in the comfort of the only person he'd grown to trust since his brother. He didn't want to think about revenge plans anymore, he didn't even care that Danzo was in jail. He just wanted to wallow in his sadness and hug the stuffing out of Severus.
I opened the newest food scroll with growing apprehension as Minato decidedly stuck to his meditation like a leech on flesh.
I was sitting on the floor this time as I let the contents of the scroll drop into my lap.
Dango, a bucket of butter, and countless loads of bread.
I felt myself sigh with relief.
At least it wasn't hundreds of blocks of cheddar cheese again, or jars of pickled tomatoes. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for the fruits and vegetables, pickled or not. Since I was able to take the seeds and replant them to make a garden that lined the walls of the diamond home.
I was however, not grateful for the lack of variety of meals we'd needed to survive off of while we waited for the garden to grow.
Minato and I had now been cultivating for twenty years, surviving on the crap Obito sent to them every four months. Though it was great that Obito always sent more than enough to last a year between the two instead of four months. It meant that after five years, our daily meals could finally have a decent variety that actually followed my nutrition guidelines.
Once nutrition was no longer a problem, both of our cultivation speeds had skyrocketed.
There were about twenty levels of cultivation for us to go through, and in twenty years I had managed to get to the fourth level and halfway to the fifth, while Minato got to the third one. Each level taking longer and longer to reach and break through.
I was beginning to think I'd need to figure out these cultivation pills described in the scrolls. Apparently, if the Uzumaki gave enough sacrifices to the shinigami, the god would allow himself to be summoned and give their Uzukage a gods pill to help his cultivation.
It was beginning to sound more and more like a cultivation novel, which was...okay well it was definitely a lot more interesting than chakra. And if these techniques followed the logic of those novels, then the methods would follow as well.
Which meant alchemy was a thing.
Luckily I had all the time in the world for a little trail and error as I invented something this world probably hadn't seen for millions of years.
