Todoroki

(Mentions of abuse and violence)

That morning I felt heavy. I felt uncomfortable and empty. It was five in the morning, and I didn't want to disturb Bakugou; I just stroked his hair before I left. Once in my room, the feeling only got worse. The thoughts of my mother being beaten because of me caused me to collapse on the floor. All I could see were crimson flames, the reflection of light against the walls of the training room after being pushed to my limit countless times for as long as I can remember.

I felt that all the anger that I had pent up was taking over me again, and it was even worse when I looked in the mirror, and the scar on my left side seemed to burn from inside, remembering the burn and the subsequent separation from my mother; because of me. I was the reason why she wasn't with us, and then I thought of my siblings; Natsuo and Fuyumi. They both must have hated me. Because of me we had to be under the care of our damn father ... My muscles ached, my body felt stiff and heavy. I didn't want to move. Was becoming a hero worth it at the cost of my sanity?

The rising noise from the bedroom forced me to look at my watch. There was at least thirty minutes left before classes started. Reluctantly, I took a bath and got dressed. When they got to the kitchen, almost everyone was on the way out; As a reflex action, my eyes looked for Bakugou, but on the other hand I didn't dare to see him. I wouldn't know how to explain why I wasn't there when I woke up.

– Where were you? – His recognizable tone of voice petrified me. I didn't dare look him in the face.

– I wasn't sleepy and I got up earlier ... – he remained silent, and it was just at this moment when I wished he was screaming

– You two, hurry up! – Iida asked us. Bakugou stepped forward, leaving without looking back. The fact that he didn't ask me any more questions was evidence of how intuitive he could be; I knew something was holding him back.

He didn't want to see anyone. I couldn't… I went back to my room. I decided to communicate with Prof. Aizawa who shortly after was waiting for me in the common area. After a brief conversation where, despite not elaborating on details, I told him that I felt unwell to attend classes, he agreed to sign the permit for my departure.

Confronting my old man was not something I longed to do, but if I didn't, I would carry on these feelings indefinitely.

By this time, they must have noticed that he was absent, especially Bakugou. I didn't want him to think it was his fault, so I decided to write to him: "Excuse me for not giving a more detailed explanation this morning. I'll be with my siblings for a few days. " I stopped because I had to think about how to communicate this to him without worrying him, much less making him feel responsible for something. "For quite some time I have been dealing with feelings of guilt, and I don't want you to be affected by them. Being with you is one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time, and that terrifies me, because I am afraid that everything will be ruined…" My cheeks were wet. I was terrified just imagining it. "… And because I don't want to harm you, I have decided to deal with my problems before continuing. I just need time to sort my feelings. I no longer want to feel vulnerable; therefore, even if it's sudden, I must get away for a while. " He didn't want to be away from him, but it was for the best at the moment. I only thought of hugging him, but the feeling soon disappeared once the car that came for me was waiting for me at the entrance of the Academy.

Once there at the residence, I was greeted by Hawks, my old man professional hero's colleague. That only indicated that he was here and that, of course, he had received the notification from Prof. Aizawa. Although the physical violence had ceased, the interference of his psychological pressure persisted, and he would no longer tolerate it.

– Hello, littlest Todoroki! – With a simple flutter he was already in front of me. He exuded so much energy that it made me feel drained. Luckily, I didn't have to say hello back.

– Shoto! – Fuyumi hugged me when he saw me – We were worried when we were informed that you were coming, are you okay?

– I just need rest – I answered barely audible.

Once I had arranged my luggage in the room, I saw my bed in the same state in which I left it a few months ago and could only think that tonight I would sleep alone. I had gotten so used to sleeping with someone that the idea of not sharing the same sleeping space with Bakugou was now foreign to me.

His heavy footsteps echoed down the hall, and that was only indicative that he was waiting for my exit. I had already made the decision to face him after all, how could I become a professional hero if I was afraid of number one?

I went to the main room where he was right in the center. My peripheral vision was able to catch Fuyumi on the left side while ignoring my brother's presence.

– Fuyumi, leave us alone – I asked

– Sho...

– Do what your brother says, Fuyumi – It was not necessary to see her to know that she was worried. Hearing the sound of the door closing, he continued. – Why is it that you are not in class now?

– I had an unfinished business to resolve here. – My voice was harsh

– What is it about? – Continuing reading the newspaper. He only cared as long as I followed the path that replaced All Might.

– About you. – Stopping reading, he nailed in me the only expression that I had known him for as long as I could remember; the frown, and that cold, distant look that kept us all on the sidelines.

– Go ahead – putting the newspaper aside. – I hear you.

– Why should I surpass All Might? – His eyes widened – After all, a trash like you ranks number one without deserving it. – It's funny how the vigor dissipated the fear I felt for him; I had begun to extract everything that I had kept for so long and was not at all contemplating retracting or stopping.

– You must be exhausted, some rest days will do you good ... – making the gesture of taking the newspaper, but I incinerated him.

– Don't take me for granted! – Before the gesture, he continued to maintain the passivity that he had never shown before

– I thought you had already overcome that adolescent rebellious phase after the Sports Festival, but I can see that you have not

– Do you really think I can erase all the damage you did to me without further ado?! Continue my preparation as a hero as if nothing had happened?! – My warranty burned and my pulse was pounding – I don't want to be like you, pursuing an ideal that consumes my life at the cost of the suffering of others – I hated that he saw me cry, but this time it was different. They were not tears of weakness, it was of helplessness and rage accumulated for years.

– You need to rest. The stress of the academy ...

– I told you to not take me for granted! – creating an ice barrier that evaporated in a matter of seconds. That made him grab me by the neck, just as he did to reproach me for not meeting the expectations that he imposed on me at age five.

– Don't make me force you to rest. – My hands were squeezing his. And for a moment I felt faint, but then I remembered why I was there.

– Because of the constant abuse my mother is in a hospital, because of me! – My tears were coming back – I grew up thinking that my siblings hated me for taking her away from them, because of me! You ignored their existence for years! Do you have any idea how that made them feel?! – His grip was weakening – You killed Touya! – Saying this he let me fall and at the time I recovered the air with difficulty. I got up with ragged breathing but light body; letting go of everything I thought was like letting go of a heavy load. For the first time, he didn't have that challenging and intimidating look, rather he seemed to be in conflict. Seeing him like this only motivated me to continue. – Is it worth being the number one hero at the cost of the suffering of your family?! How can you save others after killing your son?! – His body was covered in flames, and seemed to rush towards me, but someone held me. Fuyumi's arms were around me, she was clinging to me, crying.

– Stop! ... Please ... – while hugging me tightly. My vision was blurry, but in front of me was the familiar silhouette of Natsuo.

– If you intend to put a hand to Shoto, you will have to go over us first – he did not use to have a threatening voice, and hearing him speak like that was a sign that he had reached his limit. A few seconds passed before the rumbling of a sliding door was heard and the temperature of the place dropped. I fell in a trance state.

Only when Natsuo clung to me like our sister did, did I realize that I was on the ground, limp and sore, but in a state of relative calm, ethereal, and much lighter. I held on to them, and just let my tears flow nonstop and, for a long time, I was at peace.

...

When I woke up, I was in my room. A few steps from me, was my sister, who read quietly.

– Fuyumi ... – sitting up, feeling my body creak from the wounds

– Shoto, don't rush! – Settling on my side – You must rest – running her hand through my hair. Looking more closely, it made her look more like our mother, and that made me feel like a burden; my existence for them was the constant reminder that they were the failed successor; the failed result; the unwanted child.

– I didn't mean ...

– Shoto, both Natsuo and I want you to be fine – she kept caressing my cheek

– It's good that you're awake – entered the mentioned one, placing himself next to our sister – That was unexpected, Sho – letting out a sigh. – But you did something that neither could: break it. – He seemed relieved saying that

– There is something else that Natsuo and I want to tell you – each one took one of my hands in theirs. – We are happy that you are our brother, and we would never hate you

– What has happened in this family disaster isn't your fault. – My eyes burned. –If anyone has to apologize, it's that idiot for the constant abuse and us for not avoiding it for so long.

– Please forgive us – they both bowed in front of me and I couldn't help crying. I didn't remember crying so much, but I didn't feel sad; he was relieved. – Shoto… – Fuyumi had hugged me again, and I clung to her. Natsuo's palm caressed my back.

– Mom doesn't hate you either – my tears didn't mean to stop. – She always hopes to talk to you, misses you and loves you as much as we do. – He joined Fuyumi in the hug – Never doubt it, Sho.

...

While I was with my siblings, there was no sign of him for the next five days. What I couldn't have was the provisional license course, for which I requested a temporary schedule for the time I was with Natsuo and Fuyumi. While he was more relieved after talking to them, he still had to talk to Bakugou; I missed him too much, to the point of hurting my chest. He didn't reply to my messages and that only made me feel worse.

Have I caused exactly what I wanted to avoid?


Yes, this needed drama, plus this was very cathartic.

Fact # 32

Writing this my eyes watered. I have always thought of Fuyumi and Natsuo as the most understandable brothers in the world.

...

If you like what you read, don't forget to leave a comment :3