Chapter Fifty-Nine

Jason felt like he hadn't slept in over a week. And it wasn't far from the truth, to be honest. He had only been able to catch a few hours here and there as the days went on but he knew that it wasn't enough. Sooner or later his body was going to crash and he would pay for it. In a sense, he was already paying for it. He was suffering from the mother of all headaches. If Trent were here he would have sedated him by now or lock him in a room without coffee and wait for him to crash. He knew that his body was telling him that he was pushing it a little too far but he couldn't help it. Not when Clay needed him.

He knew that he needed to get more sleep, it wasn't like he wasn't sleeping because he was. Just maybe not the recommended number of hours to function properly. But he didn't want to leave Clay alone. He knew that Frank and the others had been taking their turns watching Clay so that he was never alone but it wasn't the same as him watching him. Clay was his responsibility. And so he had to be there. Also, he was always keeping Blackburn and the rest of Bravo informed on Clay's condition. Even sending Trent a copy of any new reports that came through from the doctors. As each day passed, he wished his brothers were there with him. With Clay.

He was used to sleeping in a hospital chair, not that it was a good thing but he was used to it. He had a lot of experience waiting. Not one of his strong points, but that didn't mean he had no experience in it. How many brothers had he sat and waited for news for? Too many to count and a depressing one as many came with the worse news. He just hoped that this one wouldn't be the same as all the others. He couldn't lose Clay. So if it meant that he had to suffer the pain in his spine to see Clay wake up, then so be it.

However, after the third night of sleeping in an uncomfortable hospital chair in Clay's room, Marius had offered him his spare room. The man was everything Jason imagined him to be and could tell that he shared a strong bond with his kid. Maybe stronger than he first thought. He didn't know what it was but he could tell that Marius saw Clay as nothing other than his kin. His brother. But he had to see it to know it was real.

He could see the family that Clay had over here was stronger than most families he knew back home. Even with the distance of 12,703 km between the two places and with their communication limited, their bond was still so strong. But family didn't give up on family.

Marius had tried to do his best to make Jason feel welcome in his home but to be honest he barely saw the other man other than in the hospital or in the kitchen of his house. From what he overheard when Marius had taken a call in Clay's hospital room, he had been recalled back to base. But thankfully he hadn't been deployed, Jason knew the heartache that came with levelling loves ones behind when you knew that they may not have long left. He also knew that Marius wasn't about to tell him why he had been recalled back to base any more than he was likely to tell him about their own operations. Their countries might be allies but they also had their own secrets. And he wasn't about to make or ask Marius to break his oath.

Frank, on the other hand, had become someone who Jason saw as a friend. He didn't know the man long but he knew that he was someone he could trust. And since he was basically Clay's stepfather, he knew that the man truly cared about Clay. And this wasn't some act. But also the person who had finally made Jason take Marius offer of the spare room. The man was happy enough to supply him with coffee but also nag him enough so he would leave.

But it didn't really matter what time he went to bed nor where he was. The nightmares kept coming. He knew that if he took a sleeping pill he would be able to get some more sleep but he couldn't make himself do it. He wouldn't do it. Because taking that pill wouldn't stop the dreams from coming, instead it would make it almost impossible to escape them. He would have to relive finding Clay laying on his back, not breathing. Or worse, the dream where he had to sit back and watch Clay drown. Watching as those blue eyes grew dark as he slowly fell into the depth. Watching Clay slowly disappear into the darkness tortured him every time he saw it. He often woke up in a hot sweat, finding it impossible to draw enough air into his lungs.

The fear of losing Clay and with his nightmares had caused him to repeatedly text whoever was watching over Clay to just remind himself that Clay was still with him. That he was safe and was looked after by some of the best doctors in the country. However, there was something in the pit of his stomach that was gnawing at him telling him that something wasn't right with his boy, that he was anything but safe. Which was stupid as the hospital was a Naval Hospital with twenty-four-hour security all armed and well trained. But he couldn't just ignore this feeling. He thought back to the moment he had first laid eyes on Clay in that hospital bed, and it had taken all his strength not to demand the doctors to allow him to fly Clay home. Where he knew it was safe. But as time passed he was glad that he had listened to the doctors. Clay needed his other family to be around him. Even if it hurt him to admit it.

But last night had been one of the toughest so far. The nightmares had kept coming no matter how many times he woke up, as soon as he closed his eyes he was right back in the nightmare-like he had not even woke up. In the end, he had given up on sleeping and slept the rest of the early morning on the phone to Ray. Thankfully with the time difference, it was late evening so he got to speak to Ray for at least three hours before calling it so Ray could get some sleep. During their long conversation, Jason had finally been able to voice the concerns that had been floating around inside his head.

He knew that Clay had a life before Bravo and the Navy, but as soon as he had met Frank he realised that other than a not so good relationship with Ash, he knew nothing about Clay. He knew he grew up in Liberia or around that area for a time, but only because it was the reason why he had been assigned to them as their strap. Other than that, he knew nothing about Clay. Meeting those who had shaped him into the man he was today, caused Jason to look a lot more closely back into the past. Clay was one hell of an operator. There was no denying that. He was going to make one hell of a 1IC one day. But there was part of him that was screaming inside his head that told him that this life wasn't the right one for Clay.

Maybe that was the father in him. Clay was far too young to be as good as he was without having some serious trauma in his past. But at the same time, he wouldn't give him up for anything. During that rant, Ray had reminded him of the fact that at first, he had wanted nothing to do with Clay. For everyone who didn't know Jason and his habits, would have thought that Jason didn't just not like Clay, he hated his guts. And only after Ray pushing the topic repeatedly did he finally give in and give Ray what he wanted which was Clay. And he had never regretted that decision. Clay made Bravo better. In so many ways. And now he couldn't see Bravo without the kid. Nor did he want to have to think about it.

Also during their conversation, Jason had checked up on each member of Bravo. He knew that getting Blackburn to deliver the news on Clay was a low blow. He should have done it, but at the same time, he needed to catch that flight. His priority was getting to Clay and making sure that he was safe. And in a way, he was glad that he hadn't been there by the way that Ray described how Sonny had taken the news. He was sure as day that if he had been there then he would have a black eye right about now. He knew that Sonny was likely blaming him for letting Clay leave the States but at the same time, he knew that keeping the kid there wouldn't have done him any good. He knew that Clay was struggling with something deep inside of him and forcing him to tell him what was going on wouldn't have helped things. In fact, Jason knew that it would have destroyed the trust that he had been able to build with the kid.

By the time he had showered, changed and had messaged Blackburn for an update on Clay's transport home and then called at a local cafe, a place that Chester had recommended when he had brought him a cup when he had come in to check on Clay before his shift, it had gone eight-thirty. He knew that visiting hours for Clay weren't until nine but somehow someone up high had gotten them special permission so that Clay wasn't left alone for a second. And last night had been Frank's turn.

Jason felt for the older man, he had been spending his time between work, home (mainly for sleep and food) and then back to the hospital. He knew the man was tired but they all were. He had seen the stress very clearly on all four men. But at least that meant he had been given the time to get to know each of them. Johan reminded him of Sonny so much that it was scary. Both were hot-headed and from what he had heard from the others, was extremely protective over Clay. Something that the kid clearly needed.

As he arrived at the hospital, he quickly made his way up to Clay's floor, the receptionist smiled warmly at him as he made his way towards the lifts. Most of the hospital staff that he passed now knew of him. When he was walking over Clay, the nurses would often bring him food and drinks from time to time. Coffee being one of the things that came more than anything else. However, one of the more elderly nurses, who clearly could see the family unit that Clay had, had started to bring him in a little flask of a hot drink that Jason took only too happy with then she explained what it was. A hot buttered bourbon. Something that he hadn't tried before and if he had known what it was before he tasted it then he properly wouldn't have drank it. However, it was just what he needed.

As he reached Clay's floor he nodded a good morning to the tired-looking nurse on the desk who looked like she was glad that her shift was over. She didn't really notice him as she was busy speaking to the two new nurses, one that he hadn't seen before, more than likely about what had happened during the night. All he could hope for was that there was only good news about Clay, he didn't know if he could deal with any more bad at the minute.

Opening Clay's door, he found a very tired and stressed looking Frank who was barely able to keep his eyes open. Something had clearly happened during the night, Jason couldn't help but run his eyes over Clay to see if anything had changed. However nothing looked different, there was still the same amount of machines around him and there was still fluid bags hanging on the drip stands. Then the fear started to set in, had something gone wrong during the night? Had Clay deteriorated? He didn't know if or how to deal with that if it was true. The doctors hadn't been giving him hope that Clay was going to be ok, but they had mentioned that he was improving. All of the tests they had done had shown that but what if that was just the rise before the fall? He had seen it before, his brothers laying in a hospital bed with the doctors telling them that they were going to be ok only for them to die a few hours or days later.

"Any change?" He asked as causing Frank to look up and away from Clay. The man clearly hadn't slept a wink and right now he was pleased that when he had got himself a coffee that he had picked up one for Frank. Frank had done it for him often enough, in fact, Frank and his girlfriend Elmarie had done so much for him already that buying the man a cup of coffee was no problem. And clearly, the man needed it.

"He is moving a little bit more now, he has been keeping that poor nurse on her toes. Keeps setting the alarms off. She had that he has started to become unsettled." He reported rubbing his eyes, trying to get rid of the tiredness in them.

"Here," Jason said handing over the coffee cup over.

"Thanks," Frank smiled softly as he took the cup and took a long drink of the hot liquid. He could see the worry in Jason's face as the other man slowly lowered himself into the other chair. He could see the cogs turning inside Jason's mind. He was worried about Clay but at the same time, he knew the kid. He never did anything by the book. But he sometimes wishes that he did.

"Did they say anything?" Jason asked as his eyes flicked over the machines trying to understand what they were saying.

"Only that he was becoming unsettled. She was going to mention it to his doctor when he came on this morning." Frank wished he had more to tell Jason but he didn't. The nurse hadn't been worried about how Clay was doing so never called the doctor in, mainly because as soon as Frank had spoken to Clay or she did, he would settle again.

"He always likes to keep people on their toes," Frank said shaking his head as he looked at Clay. "Nearly gave me a heart attack when the alarms went off the first time." He quickly added; the sound of the alarms going off had taken twenty years off him. This boy was his son in every way other than by blood. And see the alarms go off had caused him to think that his precious little boy was only a few moments away from leaving him for good. No father should bury their son and he wasn't ready to do that.

Jason chuckled a little at Frank's comment, the man was right about that. Clay loved to keep them all on their toes and more so when they were operating. Clay would push himself further than anyone Jason knew, even if it meant risking his own life. "He likes doing that…" Jason started to say shaking his head. "I'm surprised that mine hasn't given in with everything that he has put me through." He added, before turning to look at Frank with a soft smile. "I've got more grey hair because of him than both of my own kids."

Frank chuckled and shook his head. He felt the same when Marius and Clay were young they had caused him to lose his hair colour a lot earlier than he should have. The night that they hadn't returned home till after midnight came to mind. That night he had thought he had lost both of his sons. He had been in the middle of a major murder case with some very dangerous people involved in it. He had tried not to let on to the boys but one night he had come home and found the whole place locked up with no lights.

At first, he wasn't worried. He had thought that Marius had gone to Clay's for the night. Something that had happened nearly every week. But when Clay's Grandmother had called him to ask him to remind Clay about his book report due did the fear set in. If they weren't at Clay's then where were they? He had spent hours calling around all of Clay's and Marius' friends to no avail. They had disappeared. Fear had caused him nearly to collapse. Had his work killed his son and his adopted son? Something that he always feared would happen. He had seen the evil in the world and he had tried to keep them save from that world but he knew that he would fail that one day.

In the end, he had just picked up the phone to call the station to report them missing when the front door opened. Both were laughing and joking like nothing had ever happened. Frank had wanted to kill them both. After he had calmed down after nearly exploding on them, they had told him that they had gone surfing and had been out till dusk. Something that they knew that they weren't to do. And then had gone to get something to eat at a local cafe before coming home.

He hadn't been the only one that was pleased with the pair of them, Clay's Grandmother had also exploded at them as well. In the end, they had been both grounded for at least a week because of their actions. He could have murdered them both that night but at the same time, he was so pleased that both of his boys were safe.

"But you wouldn't change him, would you?" He asked, smiling.

Jason shook his head, "No, I wouldn't." He said but then sighed, "Wish he cared more about his own safety sometimes." It was a running theme in Clay's life, Jason could tell.

"But that isn't him and you can't change him," Frank said, now turning his attention only to Jason. He could see that the man was once again blaming himself for Clay being back in the hospital. Even though he couldn't have stopped it. Helping people was something that Clay was born to do and no one was going to change him. No one.

Jason nodded but then turned away from Frank and looked directly at Clay. he knew that Frank was right and he couldn't change Clay. But then he thought back to something that he had said to Ray before he had drafted Clay. Clay was a true believer, which normally was a good thing. It meant that they cared deeply about what they did and they were loyal to the people around them. But in their line of work, it meant that they often got themselves killed. And he had said that to Ray but Ray had his eyes set on Clay which meant that it was a losing battle. And here they were. Back in the hospital with their youngest member fighting for his life after trying to save someone else.

Frank watched Jason carefully and knew that the man was struggling with an inner battle that only he could end. He then pulled out his mobile and got to his feet, "I'm going to check in with work as I'm due in at one." He said as he moved towards the door, he needed to check in with a few of his colleagues who had been covering for him. He knew that he owed them big time for everything that they had done for him.

He had always told everyone that he had two sons, but one of them worked away. He spoke to Clay over email on occasion however as time went on he could tell that there was something going on with Clay even though he wouldn't admit it. But whenever he brought it up over email, Clay dismissed it. And no matter how much he pushed it, his youngest had ignored it. And maybe he could have pushed harder but he had been scared that he would push his youngest further away if he tried.

Jason nodded and waited till Frank had left the room before sighed and allowed his head to fall into his hand. He was close to the edge and he knew it. What was it about this kid that made him feel like this? Ever since he had drafted Clay, his fatherly instinct had only become only stronger.

"Looks like it is just me and you kid," Jason said as he looked back up and he moved to take Clay's hand into his.

Like everyone, all he wanted was Clay to wake up but more importantly, wake up whole. He had been through that before, see Clay's blue eyes open only to find that his kid had no memory of him. That had nearly broken him and the rest of Bravo. It had been then that Jason had finally worked out that Clay was the glue holding Bravo together. Once it had been him but over time, Clay had taken on that role without anyone even noticing that it was happening.

He had also brought Bravo closer together as well. Since Clay had joined them, Jason had noticed that the members of Bravo had started to spend a lot more time together outside of the base and the bar. He had gone running with Brock and Cerberus. Often meeting Trent for lunch and heading to the gym with Sonny. He even offered to look after Ray's kids to let Ray and Naima have some time together. He even helped both Emma and Mikey with homework when he had no idea what they were talking about. But more importantly, they had started to spend more time all together without it even having to be an event. Often they would end up at Jason's for a beer or at the beach with the kids. Clay had made them better. No one could deny that.

Jason then looked back up at Clay and gave his hand a little squeeze as he spoke, "What I need you to do is to wake up, I'm starting to sound a little like Ray and to be honest it is scaring the hell out of me." He wasn't a man that talked about his feelings and more so when he had to talk to someone who couldn't answer him back. Ray was though and to think that he sounded like Ray scared the hell out of him.

"All this about talking to a sleeping man. Sounds like something Ray would do without question. At least I'm not yelling as Sonny would." He said chuckling at the thought. Sonny would have been kicked out of the hospital by now. Patience was not one of his strong points. "If he were here then he would be kicking your arse for making him wait this long. Patience isn't his thing and you know that only too well." He added. Knowing that he wasn't telling Clay anything new. They all knew that Sonny hated having to wait for anything.

"And maybe I'm the same. I hate waiting." He then admitted shaking his head. He was trying to remain positive as much as he could but there was part of him was just waiting for the doctors to tell him that there was nothing else they could do for Clay.

Then a noise caused him to look up at one of the monitors near Clay's bed. Something was happening as from what he could understand from the machine's screen, Clay's heart rate had increased for some reason. But then he remembered that he had just been talking. Could Clay have heard him?

"Clay… Can you hear me?" He asked gripping hold of Clay's hand even tighter but didn't look down at Clay's face. Instead, he kept his eyes on Clay's heart monitor. And with the sound of his Clay, he watched as Clay's heart rate increase. Like Clay was telling Jason that he could by his heart rate.

All of a sudden, Jason found himself on his feet. He was about to speak again when he heard the door to Clay's room open. Quickly turning he saw that it was one of the young nurses coming in with her clipboard to do Clay's checks. The young nurse looked up and knew automatically knew something was wrong and quickly made her way to Clay's bed to check the machines which were now starting to sound. Jason almost felt like something was going wrong as two more nurses entered the room, pushing him away from Clay. He tried to keep hold of Clay's hand, however, one of the nurses had pushed him so quickly that he had lost his grip of it. He was certain that he had felt Clay's hand tighten on his like Clay had been trying to get his attention back.

"What's going on? What's happening to him?" Jason demanded as more medical staff, including Clay's doctors, entered the room. Something was going happening that caused all of Clay's machines to explode with activity.

"Sir, please wait outside," One of the nurses said as she manhandled him out of the room before closing the door blocking any view Jason had of his kid.

In that moment, he had no idea what to do with himself. What could he do? All he wanted to do was be by Clay's bedside right now telling him that everything was ok and that he was going to be fine. Just like he used to do with Emma and Mikey when they were sick. He knew that Clay wasn't his son but he was very much so. And right now, the not knowing was killing him.

"Jason…Jason..." A voice from behind him called but he didn't pay any attention to it. That was until a hand appeared on his shoulder and forced him to turn to look at the man speaking. In front of him stood Frank who looked terrified. "What happened?" He demanded never removing his hand from Jason's shoulder.

Which he was glad for at the minute. Frank's hand on his shoulder was the only thing grounding him at the minute. "Jason?" Frank repeated his name pulling him back to the real world.

"I don't know…" Jason muttered shaking his head still in shock with what had just happened. "They just kicked me out when all his machines when mental." He explained. He knew that he wasn't giving Frank a lot but that was everything that he knew. At least for now.

Frank froze. And then quickly pulled out his phone and dialled his son's number. He needed to Marius to know what was happening and to get his butt to the hospital now. He waited and cursed as it rang and rang until the voicemail tone came on. "Damn it, voicemail. Marius, it's dad. Get to the hospital now, your brother needs you." And with that, he ended the call. He knew that maybe he shouldn't have left a voicemail but he needed Marius here now. Just in case.

"He's got to be ok...he has to be," Jason muttered running his fingers through his hair.

"He will be," Frank said, but this time he saw something that he had seen in victim's families all too well. So he quickly pulled Jason over to the small seating area that was only a few feet away from Clay's room. He could tell that Jason was in shock with what had just happened and he understood it. He had the same reaction when it had first happened.

"Jason that boy has more fight in him than anyone I know. He will get through this." Frank said as he pushed Jason into one of the chairs and sat in front of him. He knew that Clay wouldn't leave them like this. Wouldn't leave his family.

The pair sat there for fifteen minutes just staring at their hands or just watching Clay's door. Nurses had come and gone from the room however there was no sign of Clay's doctors leaving the room. A few days earlier Frank had told him that one of Clay's doctors had been an old friend of his from his army days, a Doctor Harris, but Jason hadn't really asked much about it. If Frank trusted the man so did he.

All Jason wanted was the doctor to come out and tell them if Clay was ok or not. That was all he wanted. To know something so his mind would stop playing horrible tricks on him. He was thinking of all the worse case scenarios. What if Clay was permanently brain-damaged? What if he was awake but unable to communicate with them? What if he was unable to move? What if he had lost his memory again? What if he had lost more than his memories of Bravo but everything?

"Sorry to keep you waiting," A new voice said bring Jason out of his nightmare. He looked up and saw Clay's doctor stood in front of them.

Jason and Frank both jumped to their feet but it was Jason who spoke first, "What the hell happened doc?" He didn't care about all the technical terms, he just wanted to know that his boy was ok.

Doctor Harris looked sternly between the two men and then spoke, "He woke up."

At the news, neither one of them could speak. They were just shocked at what they were hearing.

"You were right Frank, your son is one strong and tough man. The alarms sounded when he started to fight against the vent and the medication all at once." Doctor Harris reported looking down at his charts, to be truthful he had never seen someone fight like this before in his career.

"So he is breathing on his own?" Frank asked still stunned at the news but was starting to believe it.

"Yes. And his lungs sound ok but we are going to have to watch for any signs of pneumonia and with his previous injury to his lung, he is at more of a risk of that. He is going to be in some pain for a while as his bones and lungs heal." He explained. Knowing that it would be best to keep his medical terms to a minimum as he could tell that both men were still in a little but of shock.

"Bones?" Jason asked as he found his voice once again.

"His ribs are fractures or broken, due to the surgery and the CPR performed. But it could have been a lot worse." Doctor Harris explained.

"So he is going to be ok? Coz last time he woke up from a coma he had problems with his memory. He lost two years worth." Jason blurted out, he may have found his voice but his brain was still trying to deal with the knowledge that Clay was awake. But also he knew why he had mentioned it, he couldn't deal with that again. Looking at the kid who had become his family only to be met with someone who thought he hated him because of who his father was.

Doctor Harris nodded understanding where Jason was coming from. He hated brain-injured as they were always very difficult to deal with. "I saw his file, thankfully it doesn't look like that has happened again. He remembered pretty much everything. The boat trip, fishing, the SOS call and the rescue. We will repeat the CT scan in a few days to make sure there is no sign of other damage and will be doing some more tests of the next few days to make sure everything is ok but I would say in my own personal option that he has a guardian angel looking over him. I've never seen anymore recover as quickly as he has with these injuries and his previous history."

"You might be right there Bill," Frank said with a smile. He could finally allow himself to relax knowing that his boy was safe.

"The nurses are just getting him settled again and I will need to run one more test before I will let him rest but after that, you are more than welcome to sit with him." Doctor Harris explained.

"Thanks, Bill," Frank said holding his hand out for Bill to shake which he did so without a second thought,

"I'm just glad everything has turned out ok for you Frank." He added and with that, he moved away from them.

"I should call Marius before he panics," Frank said, his head running now at a hundred miles an hour. He needed to call Elmarie, Chester and Johan as soon as possible. But Marius was his min concern. He loved his son but the man drove like an idiot if he was upset or angry at something and he didn't need both his sons in hospital. "He drives like an idiot if he gets emotional. You should contact your team, let them know." Frank added pulling out his phone and moved away from Jason not even hearing his reply.

"Yer…" Jason muttered as he felt himself fall back into his chair. Clay was ok. Better than ok, he remembered everything.

He was ok.