Blood is dripping heavily from the cut beneath my eye. It's hard to see from the swelling that's already started, but I'm pretty certain it's all over my outfit by now.
So much for sneaking Aubrianna's new dress without getting caught; my sister's gonna kill me.
A hand cups my chin and gently tilts my head up again, and I come face to face with Jude's dark green gaze. His eyes glint emerald in the twilight glow; the last remnants of the setting sun sinking behind him illuminate my brother in a soft, ethereal halo.
I'm pretty sure he's just an angel pretending to be a human.
Despite the fury I know is burning inside him, my big brother chuckles. I realize I accidentally said that last part out loud and slur out a weak, "sorry. That was an inside-brain thought."
"See? More dangers of drinking," he chides gently, dabbing at my cheek with a damp washcloth. "I kept telling you it's not worth it."
"Well you drink," I mumble in an admittedly-pathetic attempt to lessen my own guilt. Now I get an eye-roll from him too. "What? You do. I've seen you."
"I know I do," he dismisses. There's a tone of self-hatred laced within his own words that's so bitter I grimace at the taste. "Just because I do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, A."
We fall into another heavy silence as my brother cleans up my face. His touch is feather-soft and barely-there, but I can still feel his fingers shaking. He's trying to stay calm for my sake, but the more times we have to do this, the less he's able to hold back.
It's wrong for him to be so mad. So upset. Jude's not an angry person. He's soft and kind and gentle. Fury isn't right on him; it's unsettling and I want to fix it. I have to fix it. It's my fault he's upset.
"He didn't mean to hurt –"
"Aria," he cuts in almost instantly. His voice is tight and heavy with all he's trying to hold back. The sound of my full name coming from Jude is just as disconcerting as the self-hatred. "Don't justify this for him. Please don't."
"He just gets mad sometimes. It's not his fault," I whisper; my gaze falls to my bloodstained lap at the look that comes over Jude's face. It's no secret he hates Connor, and if possible, Connor hates my brother even more. "If I hadn't made him angry –"
Jude tosses the washcloth onto the counter beside me and takes a deep breath, running his hands through his always-messy curls before letting them fall heavily to his sides. "What could you have possibly done to make it excusable for him to hurt you?"
"I told him –"
Large hands cup my face and tip my head back up. I'm prepared to see more anger, maybe the annoyance like I always saw on Connor's. Instead there's only sadness. A deep, aching grief that shimmers in the tears pooling in my brother's eyes.
"Trick question, Little A," he says softly, lips pressing together. He doesn't do it quick enough to hide the tremor they give. "There's nothing you could have done to make this alright. There's not a single thing on this earth that justifies anyone hurting you."
We fall quiet again, but Jude doesn't look away. There are dozens of things he wants to say, but just like me, he can't figure out how to say them. The alcohol makes everything fuzzy, and I can tell my blood sugar is much, much higher than it should be. Focusing is hard, but I make myself piece together the question I want to ask.
"Would –" instantly I stop and Jude frowns at the pause. "Are mom and dad… can they hear us?"
Their room is just on the other side of the hall, and I cast a wary look over Jude's shoulder, half expecting the door to swing open and give me my answer. Instead, my brother shakes his head, studying me curiously, trying to figure out my question before I ask it. When he accepts the fact he can't, he relents, "no, they're asleep."
Still lowering my voice just in case, I ask him, "would Malcolm ever hit you?"
Our parents don't know about Malcolm, and it's a shame. He's the nicest guy – besides my brother – I've ever met. Anyone that makes Jude smile the way Malcolm can is pretty high up in my book. My brother slips his hands up my face, pushing my own curls back behind my ears gently as he shakes his head. "Never."
"Not even if you made him really mad?" I press, and Jude's shaking his head before I finish speaking, so I tack on, "even if you – if you told him you'd stepped in dog shit that had more value than he does?"
The sadness slowly dims as surprise takes over Jude's face, his brows raising up to his hairline as he stares down at me. Instead of answering me he asks, "what exactly did he do to finally earn himself a bit of your sass?"
"I'm not sassy," I mumble, trying to avoid answering the question. His gaze still hasn't left mine, and I know he won't let me change the subject. "He… cheated on me. Again. Ella Whitcomb."
Jude's rolling his eyes before I finish speaking, and then pulls a face when the name I mention finally registers. "Ella? That dickweed is dating YOU and he goes after someone like Ella? Jesus, I knew the guy was stupid, but this drops him to a whole new level."
Despite all the other emotions at war within me still, I give a watery, hiccupy laugh and roll my eyes right back at him. "You're just bein' nice 'cause you're my brother. You have to."
"Not true. Ask Aubri, I'm not a nice brother," he tries to argue. Even though I'm seeing three of him, I try to focus on the one in front of me when I give a doubtful frown. If possible, he's even sweeter to our sister than he is to me. "I'm honest. I won't lie to you, which makes me an asshole. It also means I'll always be candid with you whether you like what I have to say or not. Y'know, like how stupid you are for drinking. Or how screwed you are when Aubs sees her dress."
Right. Shit. I groan and slump forward against his chest. Jude playfully shoves me off him, but he keeps a hold on my shoulders. Probably a wise decision; even sitting on the counter, the room's still swaying.
"You know how to get blood outta cashmere, right?"
Jude gives me a dangerous smirk as he steps back and eases me to my feet. "Of course. Getting questionable stains out of fabric is a specialty of mine. Malcolm's definitely helped me practice –"
"Okay, ew!" I squeak out, weakly smacking my brother as he herds me down the hall, shushing me as he giggles. The last thing we need is mom and dad coming to see what the commotion is about. "I pray this is something I don't remember in the morning."
Instead of leading me to my room, Jude takes me past it and then nudges me into his. When I look back at him he smiles just a bit. "Aubs is out cold. Get that dress off and I'll clean it up when I get back."
I'm already starting to wrestle it off when I pause and look back at my brother. "What? Back? Where're you going?"
In lieu of an answer he tosses me a pair of his middle school gym shorts and an old tee he got from summer camp over a decade ago. He could deny it all he wanted, but Jude Taylor was secretly a hoarder.
"I've got some things to take care of," he dismisses, digging out his hoodie from the pile of clothes on his floor as I haphazardly get myself out of Aubri's dress and into my borrowed clothes. He knows me well enough to realize I'm seconds from losing my balance, and before I can even stumble, Jude's tucking me into his bed.
There's a frightened, nagging ache wreathing in my heart as he starts to stand and step away. Just as he pulls the covers up around me, I catch his wrist and hold on tight. I can feel myself fading into the fuzzy, dark abyss of my blackout but try to articulate, "don't go. Jus' stay with me."
Jude gets a knee up on the mattress, leaning down to press a fleeting kiss to my forehead. When he stands, he gently pulls free of my hold. If I'd known that was the last time I'd see my brother, I wouldn't have ever let him go.
There are tears in my eyes. On some cosmic, spiritual level I know that if he leaves he's never coming back. In my heart I know that this is it but I'm too far gone to fight my brother backing away.
"I'll be home before you know it, Little A," he tells me, and now the tears roll down my cheeks. He's nothing more than a silhouette in the doorway. My hand weakly reaches up, desperate to pull him back to me. It doesn't make sense to me, it really doesn't.
Jude had been telling the truth earlier, just like he always did. No matter how much of a jerk it made him come off to be sometimes, he never lied.
Why would he make a promise he wasn't going to keep?
Why wouldn't he ever come home?
The ache in my chest was so powerful it pulled me out of my fitful sleep. My tear-filled eyes flew open and I sucked in a sharp breath, trying to push aside the remnants of the sick sadness sloshing through me. It'd been a long time since I'd dreamt of Jude and, as much as I missed my big brother, it'd been nice not having to go through the vivid recall of that awful night.
Sleep was supposed to take me away from all the heartache and hell I had to deal with. Having it come after me when I wasn't even conscious just wasn't fair.
My heart was still pounding, but now that I was awake, the near-constant cloud of exhaustion hanging over me settled onto my shoulders yet again. Wearily, I peaked at my alarm clock and frowned. 8:03am. Despite having slept for almost ten hours, somehow I felt even more tired than I had last night.
God, I need a break. This stress is gonna kill me, I sighed, slumping back against my pillow and draping an arm over my face. I'd just sleep a little more, then. Spending one of my few days off just laying in bed wasn't what I wanted to do, necessarily, but the thought of having to be a functioning member of society…
I was dozing off again in just a couple minutes.
In fact, I was nearly asleep once more when my phone started buzzing on my nightstand. With a barely-stifled groan, I reached out and blindly felt around beside me with the arm not over my face. Finally snagging it, I hit answer and mumbled out,
"H'lo?"
"Aria, it's –" Hotch's comforting voice paused; I could feel the frown over the phone. "Did I wake you?"
"Mmm," I partially confirmed as I stifled a yawn. "It's fine, though. I'm up – wait. I mean, what's up?"
There was another heartbeat of silence, and then he confirmed, "you were still asleep?"
"I – still?!" I scoffed, eyes snapping open again as I lifted my arm off my face to glare at the alarm clock yet again. "It's barely 8am! On a Saturday!"
"I'll take that as a yes."
"Hate to break it to you, but normal humans actually require sleep," I muttered, flopping back down onto my mattress. At his poorly-stifled chuckling, I bit out, "did you need something?"
"Yes, actually," he segued, clearing his throat and swallowing the rest of his laughter. "I wanted to see if you might be able to watch Jack for a couple hours later today. Haley and I have a meeting with the marriage counselor this afternoon. We'd planned to have her sister watch him but she had something come up. I know this is last minute –"
"Of course I can!" I said instantly, sitting up as the exhaustion all but disappeared. Again, Hotch was quiet for a moment before he asked doubtfully,
"Really? You're sure? It's your weekend –"
"Absolutely positive," I cut in without hesitation, all but grinning. His words registered with me and I asked eagerly, "you're really trying the counseling thing we talked about?"
On the flight back from our last case, we'd spent the whole trip talking about his marriage. It was clear Haley's patience with his demanding job was wearing thinner with each case he left on, and with all he'd done for me with Connor, I'd wanted to find a way to help him.
He'd been skeptical about it a few days ago, but when he answered me now I could hear the small smile in his voice. "We are. Haley liked the suggestion. With how fast we can get called away, I wanted us to get at least one session in before next week, but with Jessica tied up today…"
"Just give me the time and place. I'll be there," I assured him, already scrambling to untangle myself from my covers. I could tell he was still hesitant so I added, "really, Hotch. You're gonna get me out of this dorm room and that's exactly what I need right now. You're doing me a favor here."
He was quiet for a few more moments, but finally I heard his relenting sigh. "Alright, then. Our session's at noon, so try to get here at about 11:30 so I can introduce you to Jack. I'll send you my address. But if you change your mind –"
"See you then!" I grinned, hanging up before he could make another attempt to talk me out of babysitting. Despite what he was assuming, this was the exact sort of distraction from the rest of my life that I needed right now.
I really hadn't wanted to waste my day in bed. I knew myself well enough to know that holing up in my dorm room all weekend would do nothing to boost my seriously poor mental health. It was too much to try and make myself a functioning member of society but, babysitting a three-year-old? Hanging out with a toddler all afternoon? That sounded like the best way to spend my day.
On top of that, it also meant Hotch and Haley could work on fixing their relationship. I knew how much that man loved his wife, and the fact that they'd get to spend today focusing on each other… it was what we all needed.
I'd planned on wandering down to the café across from the campus to get some food and waste time, but a message waiting on my phone caught my attention. It'd come in at just past seven; who had texted me that early? Curious, I pulled it up and instantly my heart fluttered into overdrive.
From: Spencer
Are you busy today?
Why did he want to know? Also, why did everyone on the team never seem to sleep? Sheesh. I was typing back before the butterflies had even stopped fluttering.
Not until later. What's up?
Casual, simple, open-ended. A calm reply that didn't at all match the wild excitement thrumming in my chest. I tossed my phone back onto my bed, forcing myself to take a deep breath; hyperventilating over a single text before noon was a little much, even more me. Before I knew it, I'd started pacing my dorm room, eager for his reply. Even though I had my volume up, I checked my phone every couple of moments, just in case I somehow missed his text.
A couple moments later, my phone dinged and I all but dove onto my bed to read what he'd wrote.
I know it's a bit of a drive up to Quantico, but if you have the time this morning, would you like to meet me for breakfast?
I read his message twice over before I finally comprehended what he'd asked me. He wanted me to come have breakfast with him. Did this… was this a date? No, it couldn't be. Why would Spencer be asking me on a date?
Okay, was I really questioning why my crush was wanting to have breakfast with me? Like hell I was.
Yeah, of course! When? I'm free until about 11:30.
This time, instead of just pacing, I frantically dove into my closet and started pawing through all of my clothes to find something suitable to wear. By the time I'd found a cozy sweater dress and some tights, my phone dinged again.
If you're hungry, we could meet up now. There's a new coffee shop that opened down the street from my apartment that I've been meaning to try. They'll be open by the time you get here.
I took just enough time to wrestle myself into the dress before I sent back a hasty,
I'm ALWAYS hungry. I'll see you in about half an hour!
Was the exclamation mark too much? Did I sound too eager? Was I being too eager? Probably a yes to all of the above, but I was too excited to care. I was gonna go have breakfast with Spencer and I'd get to meet Jack. It was the definition of a good day.
After getting myself dressed, I spent a few minutes attempting to make my hair halfway decent, and when I lost patience I snagged my purse and raced out of the dorm. I practically ran to my car, wishing for the hundredth time I lived closer to everyone else so it wouldn't take me so long to get to Spencer.
I couldn't think of the last time I'd smiled the whole drive to Quantico. Hell, I'd even popped in a CD and sang my way through a couple songs. The lingering sadness of my dream flitted away before I'd even hit the freeway, and it was nothing more than a faded afterthought by the first exit.
For the first time in a long time, I wasn't bracing to get myself through ridiculously hard classes. I wasn't trying to prepare myself for a heartbreaking, stomach-churning case. I didn't have to worry about my family or about Skeevy JerkFace or any of the other seemingly-unending problems that had continued to crop up in my life.
Before I knew it, I was turning onto Spencer's road. As I pulled into his apartment's parking lot, my stomach flip-flopped and I took a shaky breath. Calm down, Aria. It's just breakfast with a friend. A really attractive, amazing, dream-guy friend that you've been crushing on for months…
I was doing absolutely nothing to calm the nerves right now.
Forcing the thoughts out of my head, I finally climbed out of my car and turned to head inside. To my surprise, Spencer was making his way across the parking lot. Admittedly, I'd worked a bit more at dressing up today to impress him, but he'd effortlessly outdone me in the looks department.
Today he wore a simple white button-up under a buttoned red cardigan, with a black tie tucked into the front. The black slacks he wore fit him unfairly well, and his trusty converse somehow pulled the entire look together. Of course, topped with the mismatched green and purple socks, adorably attractive was a fully fair assessment of the man strolling towards me.
Quickly, trying not to ogle the handsome doctor, I snapped my eyes up to his. When we met each other's gaze, he smiled and held a hand up in greeting. Thankfully, it took him a few seconds to reach me, and it gave enough time to reorganize my fluttering thoughts.
"Good morning," he smiled, pausing just in front of me, a hand coming up to tuck his hair behind his ear. seriously, he needed to stop doing that. I was already scatter-brained enough around him. "How was your drive?"
"Not too bad for a Saturday," I told him, glancing back at the road I'd just come in on. "Well, at least until I hit town. Traffic in Quantico is always crazy, though."
Spencer nodded, a small smile quirking over his lips. "It is. The coffee shop is just a couple blocks away. If you wanted to walk, it's not too far."
Virginia had blessed us with a mild winter day, and even though there were still some patches of snow scattered around, the morning was actually pretty decent. Plus, walking just meant more time with Spencer. Count me in.
"Lead the way," I told him with a smile, loving the way his own grew even more to bring out the dimples I didn't get to see often enough. For the first couple minutes, the two of us walked in companionable silence, both our hands stuffed into our pockets.
In the months I'd lived here, I really hadn't spent a lot of time exploring. The east coast was worlds different from Colorado and Washington, and even something as simple as the trees along the sidewalk got me distracted.
In fact, I was so caught up in looking at them that I hadn't noticed I'd drifted closer to Spencer. At least, until I bumped into his arm. Instantly his hand came up to steady me, resting lightly on my arm as he gave me a curious smile.
"Sorry," I chuckled, face burning with embarrassment as I peeked up at him. What kind of idiot got distracted by plants?! "I wasn't paying attention."
Spencer raised his brows in question. "What were you looking at?"
"The trees," I admitted, and when the curiosity in his eyes grew a bit more I explained, "I never really took the time to notice, but the trees here are a lot different than back home. Where I'm from, we mostly have like pine trees and aspen trees. And they're nowhere near the size of trees here."
Honestly, I didn't know why I'd been shy about getting caught up with trees. If anyone would understand an unusual interest, it was Spencer Reid. Instantly he stood up a bit straighter, his soft brown eyes lighting up eagerly as he nodded in understanding.
"The trees in the Southwest United States are, for lack of a better word, designed to be more drought-resistant for the harsher desert-esque landscape they grow in. Less moisture paired with the higher altitude of the western US keeps the trees shorter and more compact. The abundance of pine-type trees compared to the leafy ones on the east coast is mainly due to the tree's need to retain as much moisture as possible."
As we paused at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn, I tipped my head to look up at him. He'd tapered off, like he usually did when he rambled, and I gently nudged his arm with my elbow. When he looked down at me I prompted, "so, the trees here are bigger and fluffier because their habitat isn't trying to actively kill them?"
That got a laugh out of him. His eyes crinkled at the corners as his wide, full smile totally took my breath away. Thankfully the light turned, and we fell quiet as we crossed the street, letting me re-gather my thoughts. Once on the sidewalk again, he nodded and said,
"Essentially, yes. We also have a much more diverse native tree population compared to the Southwest. The number of native species is about three-to-one, compared to Colorado at least, and even then, most of the native trees in your state are just variations of pine. Whereas in Virginia, we have a near equal mixture of pine, oak, and elm, and then a higher number of different tree assortments like hickory, birch, cedar, and many more fruit and nut-bearing trees."
"Do you have a favorite tree?" I asked him, and for once my question seemed to stump him. He frowned and pressed his lips together, falling into much deeper thought than I'd expected. Finally, he looked down at me. "Honestly? I can't say I do. I've never actually thought about it."
I hmm'd in response, bobbing my head and then saying simply, "so, here's the deal, then. When all the trees have leaves again, you're gonna be my nature guide and show me the different trees you've got here, and we'll figure out which one is your favorite."
Spencer looked down at me in surprise, almost like he hadn't heard me right. "You… want me to show you the trees? Really?"
"I do," I confirmed, shrugging and giving him a small smile. "I sort of came to Virginia at the wrong time of the year to get to see the landscape properly, and I feel like I'm missing out on all this tree diversity." When he didn't answer me right away, I cleared my throat and started to backpeddle, "I mean, only if you want to, of course –"
"No, I-I'd love to," he said quickly; when I peeked up at him again, I could see soft pink taking over his cheeks. "I just – um… are you sure you'd want me to?"
We paused at the next corner and now I turned to look up at him completely. He felt my stare and looked down, but almost instantly looked away. Six months, and he still doubted how much I liked spending time with him?
"Yes. Of course," I said honestly, and when he met my eyes again I shrugged and admitted, "you'd probably get tired of me though. I'd make you identify every tree and tell me no less than three facts about each of them."
Spencer giggled as we crossed the street, and by the time we reached the other side I was relieved to see the uncertainly had left his face again. One day I hoped he'd never have to second-guess how much I loved hanging out with him.
"Trust me, I'd actually prefer that than just simple sightseeing," he assured, getting a grin out of me as well. Spencer pulled ahead of me at the next building we came to, and he stepped up to pull the door open for me.
Honestly, I was disappointed we were here already. Forget breakfast, I'd be perfectly happy wandering Quantico with Spencer and talking about native tree species the rest of the morning. The moment I stepped in, the delicious smells of the shop hit me and my stomach rumbled. Alright, alright. We'd take a break from fact-dumping for now.
The two of us wandered up to the counter and stared up at the menu board. After a few moments, though, I noticed Spencer leaning forward and squinting, trying to make out the small writing.
"I can read it to you, if you want," I offered; he actually gave a start, like he hadn't noticed me looking at him. Then, slowly, he reached into his cardigan pocket and produced a pair of glasses.
"No, it's… I can read it," he sighed, slipping them on like the glasses were the last things he wanted to put on himself.
I kind of wish he hadn't to be completely honest. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly be any more attracted to Spencer Reid, he went and did something completely unfair like wear glasses. It was, quite frankly, completely rude of him to have the audacity of looking this good so early in the morning.
We shuffled up, next in line now, and Spencer had clearly decided on what he wanted. He raised a hand to take them off and I moved without thinking. The moment I caught his wrist I completely froze; he looked down at me, understandably perplexed.
"You can – you should leave those on," I said before I fully thought out the sentence that left my mouth. Aria, for the love of god, PLAY IT COOL. "Um – it's a lot of strain on your eyes when you don't wear glasses, and it'll just make your eyesight worse. I mean, I know you know that – you know everything – I just, um. They look – you look just fine with them, and it's much better for your eyes, so you can –"
"Next?"
Thank every single star in the sky, I nearly shouted, instantly turning away from Spencer's wide-eyed stare to rush up to the counter. I had absolutely no clue what I wanted – having spent more time studying Spencer than I had the menu – so I just ordered the first things I saw.
"Is that all?" the clerk asked, and as I went to nod, Spencer stepped up beside me. Before I could stop him he'd already made his order, and then he managed to produce his own wallet before I could grab mine.
As we stepped aside, I smiled softly up at him, fully and openly smitten with him for such a small act of kindness. It was the first time ever I'd had someone else pay for my food. When he looked down at me I cleared my throat and said softly,
"Thank you. That was really sweet of you. You didn't need to pay for me."
"I know," he assured, shrugging and slipping his hands into his pockets, returning the smile. "I wanted to."
Well, I stood corrected. Between the glasses he was leaving on and now the simple, sweet act of kindness he'd done just because he wanted to… this man simply couldn't be real. It was just impossible for someone to be this attractive – both physically and personality-wise. Just simply impossible.
For few moments all I could do was stare wordlessly up at him. Between the ridiculous ramblings I'd given and now being left speechless at just Spencer Reid in general, I had no idea what to even start with the conversation again.
"Do you have a favorite tree?" Spencer asked me. The question from left field caught me off-guard, just as it had for him earlier. I took a few seconds to process the words he'd said and he waited patiently, as he always did. Just like that, he'd easily taken the pressure off our conversation, and made being with one another as simple as breathing.
"I – actually, yeah," I admitted, and he raised his brows to prompt me further. "The aspen trees in Colorado. I have no idea what they're actually called, but they've got the white and black trunks."
"The ones that turn gold in the fall?" he asked, and when I nodded he elaborated, "they're the quaking aspen. It's one of the species your state has that we don't. Which is interesting, seeing as it's the most widely distributed tree species in North America."
"Really?" I asked him, genuinely surprised. He nodded and I tipped my head to the side. "Why aren't they in Virginia?"
Spencer went to answer when the barista called out, "order for Spencer?"
We put the conversation on hold and gathered our food and coffee, then slipped to the back of the café and parked ourselves at a corner table. Once we'd settled ourselves, I looked up at him and asked again,
"So, Dr. Reid. Why aren't there quaking aspen in Virginia?"
"They naturally thrive in higher altitudes with cooler weather, most commonly found around 5,000 to 12,000 feet in elevation, which is a fairly common elevation in Colorado. Comparatively, you'll be hard-pressed to find elevations over 750 feet in Virginia anywhere outside the mountains. The highest point of elevation here is Mt. Rogers, which is a measly 5,729 feet. Your hometown of Arvada is just less than three hundred feet below that, and that's within the city."
I finished chewing and then asked him, "so, you're telling me you've never gotten to see the aspen trees change color?" Spencer shook his head. "Okay, then. Bonus question. Where are the closest quaking aspen trees to us?"
"Nearby, they're most abundant in Pennsylvania," he said instantly; of course he knew that. "Why?"
"I'm pretty sure it's a crime that you've never gotten to see the aspen trees in fall," I told him matter-of-fact, putting my hands on the table and leaning forward. "So after you show me the trees in Virginia this summer, I'll take us to see the aspens in Pennsylvania. Deal?"
Spencer was giving me his genuine, toothy grin again and he ducked his head, chuckling and nodding with me. "I mean, if it's a crime that I haven't seen them, I suppose we'll have to correct that."
"We will," I confirmed, leaning back and taking a sip of my coffee. "You should never waste prime foliage season. I used to go a lot when I was younger. Jude always took Aubri and I up to the mountains in the fall. He was always looking for excuses to leave the house, so like every weekend we'd pile into his Subaru and head up to Rocky Mountain National Park."
As I munched on my breakfast, my mind wandered back to the dream I'd had last night. Now I couldn't quite recall what it'd been about, but the melancholy twinge in my chest assured me it'd been about my brother. After a few moments of silence as we ate, Spencer pushed his empty basket aside and leaned a little closer to me.
"I know the last few weeks have been really rough," he started softly, and I quirked a small smile at him as I nodded. He smiled back and asked me gently, "are you doing alright?"
His question hit me harder than expected, because no. I really wasn't alright, in any sense of the word. We'd been having such a lighthearted talk, though, and I really didn't want to drag him down into the mess that my life had become. I felt like that was all I'd done lately.
So, instead, I opted to tease, "do I really look that bad?"
"Of course not," he assured; the concern in his eyes didn't fade. He held my gaze, knowing exactly what I was doing, until finally I dropped my eyes to my lap. "I'm just worried about you. You've been through a lot and I just want to make sure you were okay."
For a few moments I studied my fingers as they picked at the hem of my dress. I was tempted to insist I was just fine and pull the conversation back to the trees, but when I looked at him again, I couldn't. He was so sincere with his concern that I blurted out the honest answer before I'd fully thought it through.
"I'm tired. I just… I feel exhausted. I sleep a lot, I'm not nearly as busy as I was at the end of the semester, and somehow I'm just totally worn thin. I feel like… well," I sighed, shrugging my shoulders, at a loss for how to explain myself.
Spencer, of course, had the perfect response. "Like butter that has been scraped over too much bread?"
The wry smile he pulled from me couldn't be helped. Unsurprisingly, he was a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien too. As he put it, he'dbeen 'pleasantly surprised' to learn that The Lord of the Rings was one of my favorite book trilogies. I nodded quickly and teased, "exactly. Thanks, Bilbo Baggins."
We both chuckled and, somehow, Spencer had shifted so much closer we were now nearly on the same side of the table. I didn't mind at all. In fact, it was comforting to have him right beside me; I was more than tempted to lean over and slump against him. Part of me figured he might not mind if I did.
"You've been through a lot of stress in such a short time that your mind is overwhelmed," he explained. "Between the Tracy Lambert case, Jason Battle, and now Connor, you've had more trauma in a couple of months than most people go through in a year. It's taxing on you both mentally and physically. Have you really taken time just for yourself?"
I was quiet again, but this time it was to genuinely think over what he asked. Frowning, I glanced up at him and admitted, "I honestly can't think of the last time I did. Well, until today, at least."
Spencer smiled down at me and said, "I'm glad I could help you take a step back from your stress. You said you're busy later today. Is it more school work, or are you doing something for yourself?"
"Not really either," I told him, and explained, "I'm babysitting for Hotch and Haley. Which, I'm actually really looking forward to for the exact reasons you just explained. It'll be really nice to just… step back, you know? Just hang out with a kid who doesn't know about things like court hearings and murder and quantum physics."
Spencer nodded again, his smile widening. "Not all of us find physics as relaxing as I do, I suppose."
I snorted into my coffee and both of us dissolved into laughter. We let the heavier discussion slide away from us, and got caught up once again in the tree population of Virginia. We were both on our second cup of coffee – that I'd managed to pay for this time, much to his feigned chagrin – and I'd completely lost myself to our little slice of the world.
Thankfully, Spencer was much more aware of time than I was.
"It's 10:55," he announced suddenly, cutting off his own ramblings about the various types of oak trees in Quantico. "It'll take us about fifteen minutes to walk back to my apartment, assuming we have to wait for both traffic lights again, and Hotch lives about twenty minutes from me. With your driving, though, it should take you less than fifteen, so if you want to be on time we should leave now."
"I'm gonna hire you to be my personal time-keeper," I chuckled as I followed him to the door. "Hotch wouldn't know what to do if I actually showed up to work on time consistently."
Spencer snorted, shaking his head as he held the door for me before falling into step at my side. "Your punctuality is better than Morgan's." He paused and then frowned. "Which, I suppose, really isn't that great of a feat."
"Hey, I'll take those bragging rights," I teased, and we both dissolved into more laughter. After a few moments of quiet giggling, I nudged his arm and he looked down at me. "Thank you. For talking about trees and buying me breakfast. This is like, the first good day I've had in who knows how long."
We paused at the corner and Spencer smiled softly at me, somehow even more endearingly adorable as he nudged his glasses back up his nose. "Of course. I'm always happy to brighten your day."
"You always do," I told him honestly, and then realized what I'd said a moment later. We both flushed pink, and as we crossed the street, Spencer's hand suddenly took hold of my own. He led me down the sidewalk to the right instead of going straight, taking us a new way back.
His fingers naturally laced with mine; thankfully, he was focused on wherever he was taking us. My face was easily bright red, and if he'd said anything to me, I wouldn't have been able to form a sentence. His large, soft hand fully enveloped my smaller one, and the feel of him holding tight to me sent an unexplainable warmth tingling up my arm.
Even when we paused at his mystery destination, he didn't let go. Instead, he pointed with his free hand to the tree towering over us. And, when I said towering, I meant it. Even without its leaves, the tree was absolutely massive. Huge, thick, branches arced high above our heads, nearly above the shops on either side of it.
"This is a black willow," he told me, glancing back and smiling down at me. "If I had to pick, this would probably be a favorite tree of mine. I know it doesn't look like much now, but when it flowers it's quite remarkable."
Again, I was reminded how much Spencer really paid attention to our conversation. Heck, I'd almost forgotten about asking him that question an hour ago. Of course, the brilliant doctor still holding my hand had retained all of what we talked about.
"Alright then, this is stop number one on our summer tree tour," I teased him as we started walking again. Neither one of us moved to let go of the other, so we strolled the last few blocks hand-in-hand.
I certainly didn't mind one bit. We laughed and talked about the other trees we passed until, regrettably, we were back at my car. Even now, though, he didn't drop his hold and I didn't pull away. For a few moments we lingered in silence, smiling at one another for another couple of seconds before he pointed out again,
"It's nearly 11:15."
Stifling a sigh, I nodded and we finally dropped hands. "I meant what I said earlier. Breakfast was… I really needed a morning like this."
Spencer cleared his throat and nodded, looking down to his shoes and then peeking back up at me. "Maybe… um, maybe we could do it again sometime."
My heart skipped about seventeen beats, and I totally forgot how to breathe. All I could do was nod dumbly in return and stammer out, "I'd – yes. Yeah, that'd be – yes. Good."
"Great, um, good. Yeah, that's – we can, we'll figure somewhere else to try, maybe," he offered, seemingly just as nervous as I was. When he tapered off, we both stared at the other for a moment, and then burst out laughing.
Again, any creeping awkwardness faded away and we were left just grinning at each other like idiots. Maybe this was a date, maybe it wasn't, but either way, it was nice. Spending time with Spencer really was the highlight of any day, and if I got to be with him someplace other than crime scenes, I didn't care what we called it.
As much as I wanted to stand in that parking lot beaming up at him like the lovesick puppy I undeniably was, I really did have to get going. So, pushing my own anxiety and self-doubt aside, I did what I'd been wanting to do all morning.
I got onto my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down into a hug. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugging me securely to him. My face buried against his shoulder as his own pressed to my hair, both of us taking a slow, deep breath with the other.
And, as we pulled apart, I turned and pressed another chaste kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for being the bright spot of my, like, entire year so far."
Now it was his turn to nod wordlessly, opening his mouth twice to say something before shutting it and clearing his throat. Finally, he managed out an, "o-of course. Anytime."
As I unlocked my car, Spencer hurried forward and caught the handle before I could, opening my door. As I sank into my seat I smiled up at him and felt the need to say, "I don't have a lab this week, so I'll see you at work on Monday."
He nodded eagerly and stepped back as I turned the car on. Before I shut the door, he said, "I'll see you Monday, then. Drive safe, Aria."
"I'll see you later, Scruffy," I teased. He chuckled at the nickname and ducked his head, glancing back at me as I shut the door and pulled out of the parking lot. He nudged his glasses back into place before holding up a hand.
As always, he watched me drive off, making sure I was okay until he couldn't see me anymore.
Just moments after I knocked, the door swung open and I was met with a guarded look of surprise from Hotch. At the questioning brow-raise I gave him, he told me suspiciously, "you're actually here on time."
"Well of course I am," I scoffed, blinking up at him as he stepped aside to let me in, giving Spencer a mental high-five. "Punctuality is my middle name, after all."
Hotch actually rolled his eyes.
As he shut the door and turned to me, though, he softened a bit and told me, "I appreciate you stepping up to help with Jack today."
"Don't even mention it," I assured, giving him a bright smile in return. "I've only been asking to meet him for like six months."
The sound of heels on hardwood caught our attention and we both looked up as Haley came around the corner. She was effortlessly beautiful, just as Hotch had described her. To absolutely no one's surprise she had a couple inches on me – regardless of the fact that my heels were higher than hers – and the smile she gave me was nothing short of dazzling. Just from the way Hotch was smiling at her, I had no idea how she could ever doubt this man loved her.
"Hi, I'm Haley. You must be Aria," she greeted, crossing to us and holding out a hand. I shook it eagerly and smiled back at her. "Aaron's told me so much about you. It's great to finally meet you."
"Likewise," I assured as she turned and motioned for me to follow her further inside. "He talks about you so much I feel like I already know you."
Haley laughed and glanced back at us; I didn't miss the soft blush that came over her cheeks as Hotch ducked his head to hide a smile. Score one for the boss-man. I playfully nudged his arm as we followed her into the living room.
Hotch skirted past me and followed her to the couch, where an adorable little boy was staring up at the TV in front of him, absently snacking on a bowl of cheerios. Haley settled beside him as Hotch took a knee in front of him. Jack looked down at his dad curiously, and then his wide brown eyes blinked up to me.
"This is my friend, Miss Aria," Hotch introduced, motioning for me to join him. Jack watched me silently as I crossed to him and sank down at Hotch's side. "She works with me just like Miss JJ does. Can you say hi?"
Jack just blinked at me again before he looked back up to Haley. Hotch had told me he was pretty shy at first, and I was ready. Seriously, I doubted any kid could be more reclusive than Katie was, and if I could get her talking a mile a minute, I could get this quiet kid to open up.
"Hi, Jack," I chirped, grinning at him when he spared me a sideways glance. I caught sight of the action figure tucked under his arm and asked excitedly, "woah, is that Spider-Man?!"
At this, he sat up just a bit and looked down to the toy in question. He gave a cautious nod and then shifted a bit to pull it out onto his lap. Then, slowly, he held him out to me. I took the action figure eagerly and studied it a moment.
"Wow, this is really cool! Is Spider-Man your favorite?" when Jack nodded again, I bobbed my head along with him as I handed him back his toy. "He's pretty cool. I like him too. Do you like Batman?"
Jack sat up a little more and nodded once more. Then, suddenly, he was pushing his bowl of cheerios off onto Haley's lap and squirming off the couch. He plopped onto the ground beside me and then scrambled to his feet, racing across to a toy chest in the corner of the living room. After a brief dive inside, the kid surfaced and turned to face me, holding out a Batman action figure towards me.
Following his cue, I shuffled over on my knees and sank down next to him, taking his offering. "You have Batman too?! Wow, Jack. What other superheroes do you have?"
And, just like that, I was totally in with a three-year-old. Jack's eyes lit up in excitement as he said quickly, "lots an' lots!"
Before I could respond, he was back head-first into the toy box. Haley laughed and shook her head, and I didn't miss the loving smile Hotch fixed on her before he got to his feet. As he gave her time to grab her things, he crossed to us and knelt at his son's side.
"Alright buddy. Mommy and I have to leave, so Miss Aria's gonna stay and play with you for a little bit. Is that okay?"
"Bye, daddy," he dismissed, not even looking back as he began hauling toys out and hefting them in my general direction. Hotch chuckled and then glanced to me. I shrugged and said simply,
"I'm gonna assume that's a yes."
"I usually do," he agreed, getting to his feet. He pointed down a hall behind us and explained, "Haley's left a note with some emergency numbers and there are leftovers you can heat up whenever you get hungry. If you need anything at all, you can call me."
"Roger that boss-man," I assured, grinning up at him as I caught a handful of toys tossed back to me. I nodded towards Haley, who was just slipping her coat on, and teased, "go spend some time with your wife. Jack and I will hold down the fort."
He smiled again – seriously, the man was practically giddy around his family (and I was loving it) – as he said softly, "thank you. This means a lot to me."
"Don't mention it," I assured, softening into a genuine smile. "We'll see you guys later."
Haley smiled over at me and gave a wave as Hotch finally moved to join her at the door. "Thanks again, Aria! We'll be back soon. Bye, Jack! I love you!"
"Love you mommy!" came the kid's muffled reply. By the time the two of them left and I looked back to Jack, he'd all but emptied the toy chest onto my lap. He finally wriggled back out and plopped onto the carpet in front of me, studying the mess he'd made and giving an approving nod as he looked up at me. "Can we play superheroes?"
An afternoon where the only thing being asked of me was to pretend to be Batman? Where I didn't need to worry about restraining orders or vector algebra or the never-ending supply of terrible people that insisted on committing crimes every three seconds?
"Yeah," I nodded instantly, grinning down at Jack. "You bet we can."
Jack came zooming around the corner of the kitchen, the blanket-cape tied around his neck flapping wildly in his wake. From my spot crouched behind the island counter I waved him over to me and he dove into my lap. The two of us fell back against the stove and Jack hissed,
"They're comin!"
I gave him a solemn nod and the two of us slowly inched forward, leaning around the corner and looking down the hall. I scanned the empty expanse in front of us and whispered, "do you see 'em, Captain Jackalope?"
Jack giggled at the superhero name I'd given him as he squinted and lifted up the cardboard binoculars we'd made, swiveling around in almost a complete circle. "Uh-uh. You look."
I took the binoculars and doing the same scan he had. "Nope. I don't see – uh-oh!" Jack gasped, eyes widening, the hint of a grin curling over his face. He knew what was coming next. "It's the Green Goblin!"
"Oh no!" Jack gasped; instantly I turned, letting him jump onto my back. He wrapped his arms tight around my neck as he laughed, "hurry!"
I went to take a step and pretended to get stuck, swaying enough to get him giggling even more as he clung tighter. "I'm stuck! You gotta say the magic words!"
"Warp speed!" he cried, and I took off out of the kitchen. Jack squealed as we raced around the living room, pointing in the direction he wanted me to go. He kept looking back behind us saying, "he's close! We gotta go fast!"
Every couple of laps around the house I'd skid to a stop, gasping out "he found us!" before I spun around and went the opposite direction. By the time Jack finally gave us the all-clear, both of us were giggling wildly. I dropped us down onto the couch as I caught my breath, watching as Jack scrambled up to go grab the binoculars we'd abandoned in our narrow escape.
"That was close," he huffed, crawling back up onto the couch next to me and slumping against my side. The kid was out of breath like he'd been carrying me on his back while he ran qualifying times for the 50-meter dash.
"It was," I agreed, my heart rate mostly back to a normal rhythm again. Who needed a gym membership when you could just play superheroes all afternoon? The sound of the garage door opening caught both our attention and we sat up together, peeking over the back of the couch.
"What's that?" he breathed, peeking over at me playfully. I grabbed the binoculars and passed them over.
"You tell me," I said, continuing to peep over the couch as he scanned the hall. A moment later, the door to the garage opened and Haley came inside, followed a moment later by Hotch. Jack made a noise of excitement and hopped up, pointing eagerly at his parents.
"It's mommy an' daddy! Warp speed!"
I jumped to my feet and he leapt onto my back again. We zoomed around the couch and I raced up to the two of them; Haley and Hotch were watching us with bemused smiles. Jack waved at them as I explained, "you're just in time. We're trying to save Batman and Spider-Man from the Green Goblin. It's getting pretty intense."
"Yeah! We been fightin' crime," Jack told them, pointing back at where his action figures were being 'held hostage' by a couple of his stuffed animals. Haley chuckled and ruffled his hair as she stepped around us. Now I was thankful I'd convinced Jack to clean up before our latest rescue attempt.
Hotch nodded along with his son and teased, "you have been, huh?" when Jack nodded, Hotch held up a bag of Hardee's and asked, "well, do you think the superheroes can take a lunch break?"
Jack and I turned to look at one another, both deliberating silently. At the smell of the food though, I offered, "we can fight crime a lot better if we eat, I bet."
"Yeah, I think you're right," he deduced. From behind us, Haley teased,
"That's a good answer, Jack."
Hotch and I laughed as I turned and led us to the kitchen after his wife. As I deposited Jack into his booster seat, he instantly turned and asked, "Miss Aria, can you play more?
It hit me that, with Haley and Hotch home, I really didn't have a reason to stay. Instantly I looked up at the two of them to gauge their responses. Hotch knew I was looking for micro expressions; any sign that I was intruding, and I'd excuse myself.
It was Haley that spoke up and offered, "if you'd like to, Aria, we'd be happy to have you for dinner. That is, if you're up for it."
The tears that came to my eyes were so unexpected I actually almost let them fall. Thankfully I blinked them away before Haley looked back to me, but I knew Hotch had seen them. He stayed quiet, thankfully, as I nodded eagerly.
"As long as it's okay, I'd love to. I mean," I glanced at Jack and added, "we still haven't stopped the Green Goblin."
Jack instantly launched off excitedly into the regaling tale of our escapades. Which was really just a bunch of rambling that was hard to follow, even for someone who had been involved in all the action.
It just made that moment even better. It'd been… well, it had been years since I'd sat and had a meal at a real table. I really didn't count the rushed scarfing at conference tables during cases as meals and this was… it was nice change of pace.
It was relaxing, and simple, and comforting. It warmed me in a totally different way than breakfast with Spencer had. The rare meals with my parents – even with Aubri and Jude there – had felt like tense, stiff transactions. No one really spoke unless it was to argue and the only goal of eating was to get myself excused as fast as possible.
Here and now, eating fast food and doing my best to unravel the mystery of Jack's stories, was easily one of the best meals I'd ever had.
"Are you sure you'll be alright to drive home?" Hotch asked as we headed down the walkway towards my car. It was, admittedly, much later than I'd planned on leaving. But, c'mon. If a kid asks you to stay after dinner and watch Spider-Man after a day of playing superheroes, you really can't say no.
"I'll be good," I promised, holding up the travel mug of hot cocoa Haley had put together for me. "It's not even a half-hour drive."
As we paused on the sidewalk, Hotch narrowed his eyes at me. "According to MapQuest, Falls Church is almost forty-five minutes from here."
"Huh," I mused, shrugging innocently up at him. "Goes to show you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet."
Hotch stifled a snort as he shook his head. "No more than fifteen over the speed limit."
"Deal," I teased, unlocking my car and tossing my bag inside. When I looked back up at him, I asked slowly, "so… you and Haley seemed pretty okay tonight."
He smiled softly and nodded, giving a small sigh. "We're far from where I'd like us to be, but today I've felt closer to her than I have in a long time."
"That's good," I told him honestly. "It's nice seeing you all smiley and practically carefree. I expect a little more of that around the office."
"Impossible," Hotch said instantly, shaking his head. At the look I gave him he pointed out, "scowling is how I assert my dominance over the rest of the team. I can't let my front slip."
I laughed and rolled my eyes, giving him a bemused smile. "Alright then, Groucho McScowlypants. Go hang out with your family and let me break land speed records getting home."
We stepped up and I pulled him into a tight hug as he chuckled. "Fifteen over," he reminded me as we pulled back. I gave him a cheeky grin.
"No promises."
Hotch stood on the sidewalk and just like Spencer – and, like I imagined a real dad would – he watched me drive off until I was out of sight. I didn't turn on the music this time, didn't sing to myself, or even hum.
Instead, I thought about Jude. About the long rides up into the mountains we took, about the nights we'd gone and parked on some back road to look up at the stars for hours. About the nights when our parents were gone and he, Aubri, and I had our own family dinners.
About how, after the bad days, the awful meals with mom and dad, the days like I'd been having lately where smiling didn't even seem like something I was capable of, my brother had always been there.
Just like Spencer and Hotch, just like my team, Jude had always been the guiding sky in my darkest hours. And when I was having a really bad night, when I'd come to him crying at 3am because life really just sucked, he'd let me snuggle up with him as he recited,
A Voice said, Look me in the stars,
And tell me truly, men of Earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth.
"Life is just super shitty sometimes," he'd whisper simply, wiping my tears away. "But even through all the terrible times, think about all the good you experience along the way. All the fun, and the smiles, and the bright moments that you get to look forward to. Yeah, it's not always like that, but isn't all that happiness worth the pain?"
On days like today, it was. Even with the rest of my dark reality looming on the edge of my mind, the happiness in my heart would be enough to pull me through whatever lay ahead.
Happy hiatus-ending Monday!
I know I've responded to a lot of you, and I posted a longer explanation on my Tumblr ( .com) but I wanted to apologize again for the lack of updates the last couple of months. 2020 has just been ruthless, and after fighting with COVID my grandma is now in hospice. It's been a really rough couple of weeks and I had to step back from social media and writing for a bit.
I have been absolutely blown away by all the genuine compassion and kindness I've received from you all. I've felt super alone the last few months with everything, so coming back to tons of messages of support and love from you guys was everything I needed and more. I can't thank you all enough for all the support you've given the story AND myself, and I just want you to know how thankful I am to have you guys! I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but hopefully you all know the impact you've made on me and all the help you've given in just the last twenty-four hours to help pull me out of the awful pit I've been in. I know on FF I can't respond to your comments like I can on AO3 but I read them all, and I want you to know how much they mean to me.
Alright, alright. Enough of me being mushy. I want to know what you thought of the chapter! It's longer than the other fillers, but I couldn't pick between all you suggested so I wanted to combine a couple. Did you like her not-date with Spencer? Did you like her getting to meet Jack? I wanna know! Don't worry, the next filler will be dedicated to the much-anticipated girls night! What do you want to see the BAU ladies get up to?
Again, guys, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Your comments have brightened my day so much and I'm really looking forward to hearing from you all again! Hopefully this chapter helped pick up your post-holiday Monday!
Have a beautiful week, you wonderful souls!
