chapter thirty: go somewhere, breathe distant air

For Percy, even beginning to get to know his mom is a slow process that eclipses weeks. She follows through on her promise to call him from the prison, and though their conversations can never be long, he still treasures every minute of call time he has with her. Neither of them are quite ready to let their walls down yet, but he thinks they might, given time. That's probably the reason he hasn't told Annabeth about her; he's terrified that this is too good to be true.

Sally is frustratingly evasive whenever he asks about her life before she was sentenced. Still, he can understand her reasons for being vague. He knows next to nothing about her past, except that whenever she tries to talk about it her voice becomes tinged with pain. Sometimes Percy comes close to asking about his father—his real father—but ends up biting his tongue every time.

Annabeth sleeps around his apartment most nights, as neither of them like being by themselves. It's an arrangement that works; living alone can be an ordeal. Maybe it would make more sense for them to stay around Annabeth's estate, but an apartment is the perfect size for two touch-starved teenagers. Plus, Percy can tell she hates being there without her family. It must be weird, especially she grew accustomed to it over so many years of her life. She has spare clothes at his apartment, now, and a toothbrush. And pyjamas. Percy would be lying if he said it didn't feel nice—an easy kind of stability.

Usually, Annabeth is the one who keeps them both awake. With her insomnia, she'll toss and turn for hours on end before getting to sleep. Her nightmares have been getting better recently, though, and once she's asleep she can usually stay that way. It's a huge step forward for her. And maybe he's off target, but Percy thinks his presence might be helping. Her under-eye bags in the days after she sleeps at his apartment are always better than nights when she's alone at her estate.

Percy's never had much of a problem with his sleep. At the trailer, he was accustomed to being as quiet and withdrawn as possible, and this demeanour extended past his waking hours. In sleep, he always naturally lay still and silent. But since he's been at the apartment, it's like a switch has flipped in his brain. Somehow, being far from his stepfather has taught his mind that it's safe to be loud. Safe to work through things, maybe. Either way, he's been having nightmares. Night horrors, almost, which he never experienced even when he was a kid. It's always the same; he'll dream he's trapped inside the trailer. There'll be his stepfather, and then there'll be pain. Percy has jolted awake more times in the last week more than he ever has in the entirety of his life.

He hates it. He wishes he could go back to lying silent and undisturbed all night—he needs all the rest he can get to make it through his late shifts. Still, he doesn't think the nightmares will be going away any time soon.

They never sleep while touching each other. Annabeth, of course, is a light sleeper; the brush of his arm against hers is enough to wake her up. But Percy's perception of touch hovers somewhere between traumatic and tolerable, and only recently is Annabeth beginning to change that. When he's awake, he has the presence of mind to know that he's safe, so it's easy to convince himself to relax against Annabeth's shoulder, or reach out to hold her hand. But when he's asleep, his thoughts aren't there to guard him against his usual associations with touch. So the two of them sleep with their backs to each other, and will only relax into one another when morning comes.

On Saturday night, Annabeth stays around his apartment just like she always does on the weekend. After watching a movie on her laptop, they switch off the light and settle down. Percy falls asleep first—the fatigue that's plagued his body for the last few months has yet to go away. Soon enough, REM sleep washes over him in waves. In the usual routine, Percy finds himself back in the trailer. Though the world has lost its colour, he knows with hateful certainty that this is real—wasn't the trailer always bleached and lifeless? He's standing in the hallway, surrounded by writhing shadows. His body aches. He hears Gabe shout. There's a blow, and then he's on the floor, bleeding. Something smashes, and suddenly glass is buried in his side. Curling up into a ball, it's all he can do to block out the shadows and the pain and Gabe's abrasive voice bellowing in his ear—

Someone's hand closes around his shoulder. He wakes violently, letting out a hoarse shout. Sweat clings to his skin and his lungs burn with the effort of his quickfire breathing. He lashes out at whoever's in front of him, terrified of their touch and the fading sensation of those glass shards Gabe kicked into his side. But then they take his wrists and guide them down, placating. "Percy," they're saying. It's Annabeth, kneeling on the bed in front of him. She looks soft and warm, only recently wrenched from sleep. Crimson blood trickles from her nose. Did he strike her? "Percy, you're safe."

"Annabeth," he gasps out, trying to force down the panic rearing up in him. "God. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?" He hesitantly touches her face, thumbing away the blood.

"I'm fine. It was my fault," she insists. "I shouldn't have touched you."

Percy's already catastrophizing. "Oh, God. I hurt you. I can't believe I hurt you."

"It wasn't on purpose. You weren't even awake," she rebukes, fixing him with a glare that warns him against trying to argue. He holds his upper arms tight, caging himself in. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

He knows she's asking about the nightmare. He shakes his head, but relents a second later. "I was in the trailer with Gabe. Same as usual."

"I could tell you were dreaming. You kept muttering under your breath. I wanted to wake you up, but I couldn't without touching you. When you started kicking, I panicked and grabbed you anyway. Sorry."

"Don't apologise. Please."

"Okay," she whispers.

"Besides, I'm the one who should be sorry," he mutters. "I hit you. And it probably took you ages to get to sleep."

Her brows scrunch up. "Don't say that. It wasn't your fault." They're both silent for a moment, stewing in unspoken words and uncertainties. She grabs a tissue from his bedside table, stemming her nosebleed as Percy watches. He's disgusted with himself. "Do you wanna try and sleep again? You've got work in the morning."

Tentatively, he nods. They get back under the covers, pulling the quilt up to their chins. Though they face each other, neither of them dares to close the distance between their now-cold bodies. "Goodnight," he whispers.

Annabeth offers him a smile. Moonlight filters through the blinds, painting her hair with streaks of silver. "Night," she responds, closing her eyes.


Junior year continues to be draining, but at least it's almost over. With the arrival of summer, Percy's mood improves. Summer's always been his favourite season because it reminds him of when he first met Annabeth. Life was hell back then, but she made things better just by coming into it. His body aches in the same way it's been aching for a while now, but the absence of cold weather relieves a little of the stiffness in his joints. Nonetheless, he feels like his body's turning to stone.

When school finally dissolves for the summer, Piper decides they should all plan a trip away. "Like that summer we went to the beach house, remember?"

Percy agrees easily—he remembers a time when he thought they were never gonna get to go away like that again. It will hopefully feel like a return to normalcy, which he knows Annabeth needs. "I really missed you last summer, when we were freezing each other out," she admits to him all of a sudden. They're heading to Piper's house to meet the others, so they can plan the trip. "Can we do our usual charm exchange this year?" She sounds unsure.

Percy forgot about that. He doesn't often wear the leather bracelet with the beads he received annually from Annabeth as he's scared of losing it at work, but Annabeth always wears hers. He occasionally notices her fidgeting with it subconsciously, deep in thought. "Yeah. Let's do it," he says with a smile. "It's tradition, right?"

At Piper's house, they work hard to plan the trip. "It's probably too late to book that house we stayed in last time," Piper muses, clicking through listings on her laptop. "Any ideas?"

"What about one of those mobile home places?" Jason asks.

"No," Percy responds. He doesn't want to say it'd be too much like the trailer.

Thankfully, Annabeth seems to catch on. She's sitting half on top of him—they're sharing one of Piper's beanbags. "Maybe not," she agrees, playing with his fingers. "Those are so expensive." He smiles at her, a quiet thank you.

"Why don't we go camping?" Nico suggests. "I know a lake site where we could set up. It's not far from the beach, either, and there's a village fairly close by."

Leo wrinkles his nose. He's lying on Piper's bed, staring at the maps. "Really? Wouldn't staying in an actual house be nicer?"

"I don't mind camping," Jason offers. "It can be super fun. Plus, I bet Thalia would let us borrow her tent. It can fit, like, ten people."

"Ask if she and Reyna wanna come," Annabeth tells him with a grin. "Then she can drive."

He glares at her. "I can drive."

"You failed your test!"

"I've got my provisional," he protests. "Plus, I'm taking it again next month."

"Jason. Babe," Piper says. "No offence, but I want someone who can actually drive behind the wheel of the car I'm in." He pouts, but his expression softens when she kisses him on the cheek. Their relationship has been on-and-off for several months now. Right now, they're on. It's like they're in a perpetual honeymoon phase—they're so fucking sappy, but their fights are often volatile and blown out of proportion. Leo sometimes jokes that if their relationship was stable then they wouldn't have anything to write songs about, and Percy doesn't think he's too far off the mark.

Leo sighs dramatically. "I guess we're camping, then."

The next weekend, the eight of them drive out to the lake. The campsite Nico was talking about isn't an official one, and it's practically untouched in terms of seclusion. The sun beats down on them as they set up the tent, talking and laughing, but the wind rippling across their bare skin is enough to keep them cool. Annabeth has a smear of unblended sunscreen over her nose, and Percy gently rubs it in with his thumb. With her cascading blonde hair and muted yellow summer dress, she looks incandescent. She doesn't usually wear her hair down; Percy is enchanted.

Once the tent is set up, they grab their towels and head out to the lake. It's surrounded by a circle of overgrown trees, and the water is serene and clear. Reyna and Thalia set up a speaker on the grass, letting music reverberate through the clearing. For once, Percy doesn't have to worry about anyone seeing bruises on his body when he strips to his swimming trunks. Yeah, there are scars, but so what? They're pale and faded; no one has to worry about them anymore.

Annabeth grabs his hand, having changed into her bikini. "Wanna jump into the lake?" Joining hands, they take a running jump. Their shrieks echo through the clearing as they crash into the cold water, hands ripped away from each other as they submerge.

Percy surfaces again a second later. "Christ, it's freezing," he splutters.

Annabeth laughs, treading circles to stay afloat. Her loose hair flows fluidly in the water behind her as she kicks onto her back. "Hey, it's not that bad," she responds, but her teeth chatter even as she says it. They adjust to the cold quickly, and soon enough it's actually pleasant. The sunlight warms their skin as they swim deeper into the lake. Thalia jumps in next, closely followed by Piper and the others.

They stay there for an hour or so, caught up in the bliss of the soothing water. Piper and Leo start a splashing war in the shallows, cussing each other out. Soon enough, the rest of them join in, picking sides. Percy hasn't had this much fun in a while—the moment embodies everything that's good about summer.

When he and Annabeth climb out of the water, they wrap up quickly in towels to fend off the goosebumps that prickle their skin. But instead of changing back into their clothes, they dry off and lie down in the grass, letting the blustering sun wash over their skin. Percy has to remind Annabeth to reapply sunscreen every so often. She does so, albeit reluctantly. Wrinkling her nose, she complains, "I hate how sticky sunscreen is."

"You always get so many freckles in summer," he says absently, admiring the newfound dusting of freckles on her shoulders. With a fingertip, he traces them lightly: a dot-to-dot pattern.

"Yeah, I know," she sighs, smearing sunscreen over her arms. "It's annoying."

Incredulous, he asks, "Annoying? Why?"

"I don't know. I never liked them."

He shakes his head in disbelief. "Well, I like them. They're cute."

Colour rises to her cheeks, and she smiles. "Thanks."

Back at the campsite, they while away the hours by playing card games and kicking around the soccer ball Jason brought. Percy's rarely played soccer, but he picks it up easily. They set up a makeshift game. Annabeth's surprisingly good at offense, and pumps the air with a fist when she scores yet another point against his team. "Yes! Suck on that." Percy just grins in response. He doesn't have much pride to speak of, and he likes when Annabeth wins things because it makes her happy.

That night, he wakes up to Annabeth whispering his name. Blinking sleep out of his eyes, he squints through the darkness. He can only just make out her face. "Percy," she says again. "You awake?"

"I am now," he mutters. Raising a finger to her lips, she beckons him.

He throws off his quilt, still confused. "What?"

"Shh. Don't wake anyone else up." Slowly and quietly, she unzips the tent. The others are still curled up in their sleeping bags, fast asleep. Piper's drooling on Jason. Nico's arm is thrown over Leo, his head tilted towards him on the pillow they're sharing. Thalia and Reyna are facing each other, as though they fell asleep talking. Percy has to smile at the sight. "Come on," Annabeth urges him. "Look outside."

He crawls over, making as little noise as possible. Poking his head out, he gasps. Hundreds upon thousands of fireflies hover around the field, surrounding their tent and filling the skies above. Laughing under her breath at his shocked expression, Annabeth ducks out of the tent. He grabs a blanket and follows her, stepping into his slides as he zips up the tent behind him. She walks barefoot out into the field, gazing in awe at the fireflies. Each one is a golden, drifting ember, flickering on and off in the cold night air. As Percy approaches her, he hears her whisper, "Wow." Their neon light reflects on her face, catching on her pale lashes.

He laughs, suddenly euphoric. "This is so cool. How did you know to look out here?"

"Couldn't sleep. I could see their light faintly through the tent's canvas." She pauses, shaking her head in wonder. "They're pretty, huh?"

"They sure are," he murmurs, tilting his head upwards.

Pulling the blanket around their shoulders, they sit down on the grass to watch the fireflies. "I'm visiting Helen next weekend," she murmurs.

"With Bobby and Matthew?"

She nods. "Yeah. I've been meaning to ask…do you want to come? I know you miss her. She's basically your mom, too."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," he smiles. "Thanks. Is she doing better recently?"

Annabeth makes a face. "Not really. She only recognises me sometimes."

"Oh," he murmurs. He so desperately wants to tell her about Sally, but some part of him is terrified to. His relationship with his mom is still in such early, dangerous waters that bringing Annabeth into the equation feels like a risk. Letting out a sigh, he relaxes against her. "She'll be okay, you know. She'll get better."

"You think so?" Annabeth replies, sounding hollow. A firefly flutters up close to them, buzzing gently as its light flickers on and off. It brings a smile to Annabeth's face as she watches it, grey eyes intent. "Ever heard of femme fatale fireflies?" she asks, head falling to rest on Percy's shoulder. Despite it being a warm night, she's shivering slightly—he always forgets how cold-blooded she is.

"I haven't," he prompts, slipping an arm around her waist. He kisses her cheek softly, enjoying the closeness. Touch can be bearable, when it's like this.

"Well, the male fireflies are the ones in the air," she explains. "They use their flashes to attract females, who wait in the long grass and only light up in response to a male. Femme fatales stay in the grass and light up when a male is near in the same way as other females, but instead of mating with them, they eat them."

Percy wrinkles his nose. "So they're cannibals?"

"Nah, they're not actually the same species—even though they appear to be the same."

"Huh. That's kinda cool." He pauses. "How do you even know all this random shit, anyway?"

After a moment of hesitation, she admits, "When I can't sleep, sometimes I'll sit on my laptop for hours, going down rabbit holes of information on Wikipedia until morning."

He grins. "So that's why you're such a brainbox."

"Shut up," she mutters, trying and failing to fight off a smile. Reaching up, she tilts his head down to face hers and kisses him softly. "I'm really glad I'm here. With you."

Smiling into the kiss, he whispers, "I'm glad, too."


just wanna sit in a field of fireflies with a childhood friend-turned-lover :') thanks for reading! let me know what you thought. feel free to drop me an ask on my tumblr, stolen-arts :)