Chapter Fifty-Nine: Our spot
(April 14th, 2018, Saturday Noon)
Hibiki let out a sigh. "Me too. But seriously, I think when it says— Oh shit."
Lucy furrowed her brows, failing to remember a single curse word in the last chapter they read. "Where did you—"
Her voice faltered when she looked at Hibiki, seeing his eyes wide and... fearful? He only had that expression when a zombie was coming their way, Lucy jolting up in preparation. She didn't have a weapon, but she would be damned if she let a zombie get her without a fight.
She would whip it with her sweatshirt if it came down to it.
Lucy turned, her heart sinking when she found what Hibiki had seen. At the bottom of the stairs leading to the field was a familiar man, marching towards them. Even from half a field away, she could make out that pink hair.
"He looks pissed," Hibiki finally said, causing Lucy to shudder.
"It's probably nothing," she mumbled, having a hard time believing herself. Her heart was already picking up speed, her grip tightening on her book as if that would help.
"Do you think he found out?"
Lucy swallowed before shaking her head. "I doubt it. He probably just—"
"A RUNNER?!" Natsu shouted, causing Lucy's face to drain of color.
"Yeah," Hibiki started, bracing himself. "I'd say he knows."
Lucy groaned, forcing herself to a sitting position. "I do not want to have this talk now." It didn't look like she was getting a choice, Natsu closing in on them.
She almost pouted. All she wanted to do was read and discuss their book, but Natsu wasn't letting up. Thirty yards. Twenty yards. Ten—
"What the fuck are you thinking?!"
Lucy jolted, mouth falling open as she stared up at Natsu in shock. She couldn't move for a moment, utterly stunned he would speak to her with so much anger in his voice. She assumed he would be bothered by the fact that she didn't tell him, but to yell? That was uncalled for.
"Excuse me?!" Lucy found her voice, standing before facing him. "Who do you think you're talking to?!"
"You!" Natsu stopped a few feet in front of her, eyes filled with a fire she had never seen before. Normally she would think the intensity was hot, but it only made her pissed.
Lucy prepared herself to tell him to go screw himself with that attitude, but Natsu wasn't finished.
"How could you do something so—" Natsu's voice cut out when his eyes dropped, his brows furrowing. He opened his mouth, his cheek twitching before he shook his head. His eyes snapped to her face, venom laced in his voice. "What do you think you're doing?! Trying to get yourself killed?!"
"Hey," Hibiki called from behind Lucy, stealing Natsu's focus. "There's no reason to yell."
Natsu's stare turned murderous as he clenched his teeth. His right hand balled into a fist before shaking, as if barely containing his rage. In a low voice that sent shivers down Lucy's spine, Natsu growled, "This has nothing to do with you."
"Actually it does," Hibiki said, moving to stand beside Lucy. "You're yelling at my friend."
Natsu's eyes widened, jaw going slack for a moment before he pulled himself together. "Your friend? She's—" His nose scrunched when Hibiki moved to step in between Natsu and Lucy.
Lucy flinched when she heard Natsu roar, "Butt the hell out!"
"No! You can't just yell at her!"
Lucy could only see half of Natsu's face from where she stood. He gnashed his teeth, never taking his eyes off Hibiki. "Are you the one who convinced her to be a runner?"
"What?" Hibiki glanced back at Lucy for a second before facing Natsu again. "She made that choice herself. I just told her what it was like."
Apparently, that answer aggravated Natsu. "Oh yeah? Did you tell her how fucking unsafe it is?! How many people die off base?!"
Lucy swallowed while Hibiki tensed, both quiet until Lucy was able to move. She put a hand on Hibiki's shoulder, voice shaky as she said to him, "Can you give us a minute?"
Hibiki met her gaze with wide eyes. Before he could protest, she whispered, "He won't hurt me."
She stole a peek at Natsu, who was practically seething in place. "I can't say the same for you."
"I can handle him," Hibiki said, causing Natsu to bare his teeth, as if welcoming the challenge.
"I'd rather avoid a senseless brawl." Lucy took her hand off Hibiki, noticing Natsu release his fist, but he didn't drop the hateful glare pointed at her friend.
"Are you sure you're safe?" Hibiki whispered, jolting when Natsu snapped back.
"I'd never hurt her!"
Hibiki hesitated, shooting Natsu a glare before looking back at Lucy. "I'll be in my room if you want to hang out after?"
Lucy nodded, mumbling a thanks before he took his leave. She kept her eyes on Hibiki's retreating form, avoiding Natsu's gaze that fell on her. She was sweating, her heart beating too quickly. His eyes bored into her, her irritation from earlier coming back.
She took a deep breath in before facing him, ready to have a discussion about her job change since it seemed he calmed down, but she hadn't even opened her mouth before he fired off with, "What the hell are you thinking Lucy? Going off base?"
At least he wasn't yelling, instead keeping his volume somewhat reasonable. However, his words caused her to scowl.
"Why are you so angry? It's my decision to work as a runner." She gestured towards Hibiki, who was barely ten yards away. "And what was with that pissing match with him? Since when are you a jerk to people?"
Natsu's jaw dropped, eyes wide before he shook his head. "I wasn't— That's not—" He let out a noise of frustration before dragging his hand over his face, covering his mouth for a few seconds, as if forcing himself not to blurt out whatever he was thinking. "I don't know what he told you, but it's not safe out there. You need to switch back to maintenance."
Lucy couldn't stop herself from chuckling, more out of nervousness than anything. Did he seriously tell her she should change her job? Because he was worried.
"I'd rather be a runner," she said, scrambling to remember the key points she was going to bring up in their later discussion. "And I am safe. I—"
Natsu scoffed, rendering Lucy speechless. "You're not taking it seriously if you think for one second you're safe."
"I can assure you I'm safe. I follow the rules and don't put myself through any unnecessary risks."
"Being off base is unnecessary!"
Lucy blinked, surprised he raised his voice again. It only riled her up, Lucy unable to stop herself from shouting, "I know what I'm doing! It's not like I'm going out there clueless!"
"There's no way you thought this through." Natsu shook his head, refusing to listen to her. "Just, go tell Makarov you're switching back. You don't know what you're getting yourself into!"
Lucy's hands shook, but not out of fear. She felt her rage pulsing through her veins, wanting to deny what she heard with her own ears. "Look at your pictures!"
"What?" That seemed to snap Natsu out of whatever anger spell he was under.
"On your phone. Look at them." She held his stare, refusing to blink first, as if that would somehow prove she was determined. It didn't matter how much he yelled or what he said, Lucy had decided to be a runner, and she wasn't giving up her position unless she wanted to.
Natsu hesitated before pulling out his phone, tapping at it as his brows pinched together. "What am I..." His voice trailed off, Lucy assuming he found the picture because his eyes scanned the screen. He shook his head, but Lucy knew he couldn't deny her statement, her acknowledgement that she was putting her life at risk by going off base.
"I know the dangers, but I'm not reckless. I know my limits and strengths."
When Natsu didn't say anything, only staring at the screen, Lucy sighed. "I've thought it through."
He shook his head, gripping the phone too tight before putting it away. "You couldn't have." Natsu stayed firm, but two could play that game.
"I did. You—" She shut her mouth, knowing her next statement was unfair. He would know she thought it through if he had been there instead of away at Hargeon. It wasn't his fault she did something drastic while he was gone, but now that he was back, he had to accept her new position.
'He has to.' It would just take a bit more convincing than she originally thought.
"You're going to have to trust me on this, Natsu."
"Trust," Natsu muttered, eyes narrowing. "Where was the trust yesterday? Why didn't you tell me when I got back?"
He frowned, eyes falling to the ground before looking at her again. "When were you plannin' on telling me?"
Before she could answer, he asked, "Or was I supposed to just find this picture?"
"I didn't take the picture with that in mind," Lucy said, wanting to get that thought out of his head. "I was going to tell you tonight."
Once again, she thought he was hearing her out, but he shook his head, causing Lucy's shoulders to drop.
"How can I believe you?" Natsu reached up, gripping one of the ends of his scarf. "You... you lied to me?"
"I didn't lie," she said, feeling ill. "I just didn't tell you the truth."
"Which is just as bad!"
Lucy's eye twitched, unable to keep the annoyance out of her tone as she said, "I suggest you tread lightly Natsu." It was a warning, but he didn't heed it.
"You were hiding something from me!"
"Oh yeah?" Lucy took in a shaky breath, trying to remain in control, but Natsu was saying all the wrong things. She couldn't help but think about the conversation she had with Erik, when she found out her secret had been shared without her permission.
Lucy took a deep breath, failing to calm herself before saying, "Well, you were hiding something from me too. You told Makarov about Ivan.
Natsu jolted, hesitating before saying, "You said you understood why I did it."
Lucy nodded a little too quickly. "Oh, I do. I understand very well! But you know what? That doesn't make the hurt you caused magically go away!"
Natsu flinched like he had been slapped, eyes wide as he gaped at her. She doubted he could put together a proper sentence with how stupefied he looked.
"You broke my trust Natsu, and... And I understand Makarov needed to be told, but I also understand you didn't tell me. You—"
Lucy had to stop herself, knowing she was about to stumble over her words if she allowed her anger to run rampant. "When did you tell him?"
Natsu had the decency to look ashamed, struggling to keep her eye contact. She could see the tightness in his jaw, the tension building in his body.
"I assume you told Makarov the next day?"
She waited, satisfied when he gave her a single nod. "Exactly," Lucy said, crossing her arms over her chest. "How long ago was that? Christmas?"
He still hadn't said anything, allowing her to drive her point home. "You left halfway through February, which meant you had over a month to tell me what you did. You held onto the knowledge that someone else knew what happened to me, because you went behind my back and told."
Lucy wanted to stay levelheaded, but the more she thought about it, the more emotional she became, remembering the hurt she felt when she first realized he had betrayed her trust. She thought of him as a confidant, someone she could tell anything to without fear of judgment or him telling others, but she had been wrong.
"And you didn't talk to me about it. You didn't tell me. You know how I found out?!"
Lucy couldn't stop her volume from increasing, reliving the embarrassment all over again.
"Erik told me!"
Natsu looked surprised at that, opening his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. She wasn't finished.
"Do you know how humiliating that was? To trust you so much and finally open up? Only to have you spill my secret the first chance you got?!"
"I had to," Natsu whispered, directed at him more than her, as if trying to convince himself he wasn't in the wrong.
That only frustrated Lucy. "You could have told me! You told Makarov! Why not just tell me?!"
"I was worried you'd be mad," he said, causing her to shake her head as she let out a humorless laugh.
"Well, guess what? I was mad, and hurt, and realized I had to think twice before telling you anything again. So don't you dare get mad at me for not telling you about me being a runner for a single twenty-four hours from when you got back."
She took a shaky breath before adding, "I needed to work into telling you, Natsu. I wanted to figure out how to bring it up and talk to you about it. Trust me when I say I wasn't planning on keeping it to myself for as long as you kept stuff from me."
When she finished, she was met with silence. The two stared at one another, Lucy wondering if he was finally listening. Unfortunately for her, he missed the point.
"I'm... Lucy I really, really regret telling Makarov without talking to you first. Okay?" I'm sorry."
Lucy's eyes rounded. All she could think was he wasn't getting it. She just wanted him to acknowledge he had no right to get upset at her for the same thing he did. She also wanted him to accept her new job, but she knew it was only a matter of time. She would convince him there was no need to worry about her safety. She could handle herself.
"I'm so beyond sorry," Natsu pleaded, swallowing thickly. "I should've told you. I'm really sorry."
"What?" Lucy shook her head. "No, we're..." She took a deep breath, realizing she needed a series of them before she got a grip with herself. "We're past that. I'm just trying to show you that you can't blame me for hiding something from you when you did it too."
She gave him an exasperated look. "It hasn't even been a full day since you've been back, Natsu. I might've told you last night, but then you made that rude comment, and I—"
"What comment?"
It was strange how events had different impacts on people. He had already forgotten it, but his words still bothered her. "You said someone like me shouldn't go off base because it's too dangerous."
"It is," he urged, a hint of irritation slipping into his tone.
Lucy shook her head, refusing to change her mind. "I thought it'd be better for you to rest while I prepared myself so we could have a discussion about my new job, that way—"
"There's nothing to discuss," Natsu said, cutting her off.
Lucy shot him a glare, but he ignored her as he said, "You don't need to have that job." She started shaking her head, Natsu's brows pinching together as aggravation slipped into his voice. "You don't need to be a runner Lucy! You were fine in maintenance!"
Lucy spoke through clenched teeth. "I don't want to be in maintenance!"
"Fine—"
Lucy almost sighed in relief when he said that, but unfortunately for her, he wasn't done.
"Not maintenance. There's plenty of other jobs on base you can do!" Natsu managed to lower his voice, but she could hear the loose grip of control he had on his emotions as he tried talking her out of her decision. "You like reading and writing! You can teach the kids!"
He had the audacity to smile and nod, as if he solved the whole thing. "I'm sure they could use another teacher."
Lucy shook her head, causing his smile to slip. "You're not listening. I don't want another job. Being a runner makes me feel accomplished, like I'm doing something good. And I—"
"Teaching is good!" Natsu tried, but Lucy bit back so fast he jumped.
"If you interrupt me one more time Natsu I'm fucking leaving!"
His jaw dropped, but he bounced back in an instant. "There's other jobs on base."
"You are not listening to me," she said, doing her best to be assertive. She knew what she wanted, and she wouldn't be swayed.
"I am. I hear what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense." Natsu took on that pleading look again, as if his hurtful words would somehow come across softer. "You shouldn't be off base. There's plenty of things you can do right at Fairy Tail."
"I like my job now. I'm contributing more than I ever did on base."
"What about being on watch? You can protect the base from a safe distance? That job is super important, so you can get whatever feeling you're trying to chase while staying safe."
It took everything in Lucy's power not to scoff. "You can't decide what I'm going to do just because you're uncomfortable with my decision."
"But—"
She shook her head, causing him to stop. "You don't understand Natsu. You haven't stood in my feet—" Lucy clenched her teeth as she closed her eyes, angry at herself for messing up. She couldn't help it, flustered in a bad way.
'How the hell did I ever think he was attractive?'
Natsu was handsome, but his attitude and unwillingness to hear her out was a huge turn off. She had no problem looking him straight in the eyes, driven by pure anger.
It was mostly at the way he was shutting her down, but she could also feel herself remembering all the times she tried speaking up for herself, only to be dismissed by people in her past.
People she cared about.
Natsu was beating at her thin wall of patience. Part of her figured he would be hesitant to accept her as a runner, but she didn't think it would be that much work trying to convince him it was a good fit for her.
Lucy sighed before inhaling deeply. "My shoes." He had been supportive of her before he left for Hargeon, encouraging her to get better and be more confident. She remembered him being gentle when she would read aloud, trying to work on talking again without being so timid.
Where had that Natsu gone? He seemed way too angry now. She almost asked if there was a reason he was that upset, but she dropped the thought in favor of making her case.
"I'm very happy as a runner. And tonight I was going to start by telling you that, that way we could have a discussion about it, so you could see I've thought it through and worked up to it."
She noticed he opened his mouth when she was halfway through, but he held his tongue. Lucy would have been happy he didn't interrupt her, but what he said next had her wanting to throw her hands up in frustration.
"There's no way you've thought it through! If you honestly think it's okay you're off base, you're wrong!" Natsu shook his head, adamant from where he stood. "You don't need to go off base. You can't."
"Excuse me?" Lucy couldn't believe her ears, shocked Natsu tried telling her what to do. Was he implying he had the final say? Or was he just refusing to believe the facts. Her arms fell, much like her heart.
"It's not... your decision?" Lucy furrowed her brows, failing to understand how Natsu thought he was justified in anything he was saying to her. "And honestly, it doesn't sound like it... would even matter what I say. It doesn't sound like you're even open to me being a runner?"
"You're right," he said without hesitation. "I'm not."
Lucy stared at him for a good minute, waiting for him to take it back, but he wasn't backing down. She hesitated, speaking slowly as she said, "So, nothing I say will change your mind?"
"No, nothing." Natsu wasn't relenting, and neither was she.
"Well, then we're at an impasse, because absolutely nothing you say is going to change my mind."
Silence filled the space between them, Lucy refusing to be the first to break. She had worked too hard, come too far to give up. She didn't plan on dying a gruesome death, but she was staying a runner, even if it killed her.
Finally, after what felt like the most tense minutes of her life, Natsu asked, "So... Where does this leave us?"
Lucy shook her head, feeling just as lost as he sounded. "Honestly, I don't know." She narrowed her eyes, knowing he was being unfair. It was her decision in the end, and the more he resisted, the more she felt a distance growing between them. "I'm not sure, but I'm getting pretty frustrated with you right now."
Natsu frowned, once again reaching up to mess with the end of his scarf. "Well, seems a lot of people are getting frustrated with me lately."
Before she could ask what he meant, Natsu tried convincing her again. "Lucy, really think about this."
"I have," she said, wondering how many times she had to say it before it stuck.
They went around again, Natsu doing a poor job of enticing her to change jobs while Lucy refused. After ten minutes of repeating the same damn thing she had already said, she held her arms out.
"What do I have to say before you get it through your thick skull! I'm a runner, and that's not changing!"
"But there's other things you can do! Have you even tried? Or did you jump straight into running?!"
"There was no jumping straight into anything. I know what I'm doing Natsu!"
"It doesn't sound like it to me! Sounds like you're trying to get yourself killed!" He let out a frustrated groan, as if she was the one being unreasonable. "You don't know how risky it is! If you did you wouldn't be going out there!"
A vein seemed to appear on his forehead, Natsu not wearing his aggravation well. Lucy imagined she wasn't either, feeling pushed too far, one wrong word away from snapping at him and saying something she might regret.
"I've already told you I accept the risks! That should be the end of it!"
"I can't accept that," Natsu said, eye twitching when she shook her head. "You're gonna end up dead if you keep going out there!"
"Can we just stop this?" Lucy asked, rubbing at her temple where a headache was setting in. "We're just going in circles. I'm not going to stop being a runner, end of discussion."
She saw the whole thing going differently in her head. Maybe it would have been slightly better if she told him herself she was a runner, but it seemed the outcome would be the same.
Natsu refusing to accept her choice, which hurt.
It hurt a lot.
He didn't trust her.
He didn't believe in her.
"Lucy..."
She closed her eyes, lips twisting as she fought her emotions. She would not cry, even as she felt her eyes get watery, she would not allow those tears to fall. "Nothing you say is going to change my mind," Lucy mumbled, slowly looking at him.
Natsu stared at her with those pleading eyes, her stomach jerking in response. She didn't want to argue with him. She wanted his acceptance, him to share in her happiness because she was happy as a runner.
"I've been out there," Lucy said, cursing herself when she felt the tears brimming her eyes. "I've... I've—" With her teeth and fists clenched, she yelled, "Natsu I've been doing this for like a month now! And I'm fine!"
She wasn't sure, but she thought she saw Natsu's eyes turn glossy as he shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he whispered, taking a shaky breath. "It just takes one scratch, one bad move and it's all over."
Lucy swallowed, thinking about her encounters with the living dead. She had been fearful at first, but she trusted in herself. And if she couldn't stop a zombie, there were others around to help. She was part of a team. She depended on them, and they depended on her.
Natsu reached up, holding his head as Lucy turned, the two needing a moment to collect themselves. Lucy couldn't fight her stubborn tears, even after biting the inside of her cheek.
Natsu took in shallow breaths, muttering more to himself, but Lucy tuned him out. She didn't want to hear his negativity anymore, but she didn't want to stop talking to him altogether.
'But... What options am I left with?'
She didn't want to stay friends with someone who made her feel belittled, regardless if that was Natsu's intentions or not. 'No,' she thought, knowing in her heart he wasn't intentionally being hurtful. In his mind he was right, thinking it was too dangerous. He was holding onto the image of who she used to be, the last two months dramatically changing her for the better.
She didn't want to lose her friend, but at the same time, if he didn't accept her new role at Fairy Tail and kept trying to convince her to change, there wouldn't be much of a friendship left.
It didn't appear he was even willing to tolerate her decision, outright refusing it at every turn.
Lucy felt a sob taking over, her body tensing as she tried not reacting. Tears didn't equal weakness, but she didn't want to give him any reason to think his words were getting to her.
"I'm going to be fine," she forced out, knowing he could hear the thick emotions in her voice, but she didn't allow that to stop her. "And you know what, if I'm not, then I'm not. But it's my choice, and you can't take that away from me. That's..." She gulped, her throat feeling too tight. "That's the end of it."
When she looked back at Natsu, she saw the tears staining his cheeks. He shook his head, her heart cracking all over again. "I can't..."
Natsu grit his teeth, his hand pulling at his hair. "Lucy, I..."
Lucy sucked in a sharp breath to avoid another sob, wondering what it would take for him to finally see he didn't have to worry. Was there anything she could even do? Aside from go slay a zombie in front of him?
"I can't..." Natsu's arms dropped, his voice hollow as he whispered, "I can't lose you."
Under different circumstances, those words would make her heart skip a beat, but all it did was make her blood burn. He didn't seem to care about her decision, just how it affected him.
She couldn't hold herself back for anyone else's sake, let alone someone she thought would be proud of her for her accomplishments.
"I made a promise to protect you," Natsu said, grasping at straws. "How can I possibly keep that promise if you go putting your life at risk!"
Lucy had never seen Natsu more scared, his body trembling as he used anything he could to change her mind.
"You did make that promise," Lucy said, voice soft yet shaky, her tears still flowing. She sniffled, offering a broken smile that didn't reach her eyes. "And I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me."
Natsu's lips pressed into a tight line as his shoulders shook, the desperation clear in his watery green eyes.
"You've stayed by my side and helped me recover." She wasn't completely healed yet, but she was strong, felt some semblance of control, but as much as she valued Natsu, he was trying to take her control away, and she wouldn't stand for that.
"You don't have to keep that promise." Her words caused him to squeeze his eyes shut, shaking his head. "I can take care of myself."
"No," he muttered, voice ragged as he opened his eyes. "I've seen too many people die. Every single roommate I've had has died out there. You can't join them."
Despite her frustration, her chest warmed at knowing how much he wanted her alive. It wasn't enough to pull her away from running though. "I don't believe in your superstition, Natsu. Everyone dies anyways."
"But you're speeding it up by going off base. Lucy, it's... it's dangerous," he pleaded, scrubbing at his face. "Please, just, just stay here?"
"Natsu..."
He lost his breath, coughing before looking at her again. "Please? You can't die. I-I... I can't bear the thought of you in one of those holes!"
Lucy's shoulders fell, sad eyes seeing her friend's vulnerability. "It's not like I'm out there alone. There's other runners who have my back, and I have theirs."
She thought she would be easing his concern, but his brows pinched as soon as she said, "Just the other day Hibiki—"
Lucy saw the change in Natsu's expression, his nose scrunching as if smelling the undead right then. "What?" she asked, surprised by his response.
"What the hell is up with that guy?"
She cocked her head, not following. "Hibiki?"
Natsu's vulnerable side vanished, replaced by a disdainful look. "What are his intentions?"
"His... intentions?" In her moment of confusion, her tears slowed. 'Did he really just ask that?'
"I've heard he's a flirt," Natsu muttered, cheek twitching as he went on. "A playboy. A womanizer."
Lucy couldn't help but roll her eyes, finding the change in topic uncomfortable yet oddly refreshing. At least he wasn't talking about her dying anymore. Hibiki was a flirt, but he wasn't going to do anything inappropriate with her. He was a gentleman.
"You don't know what you're talking about," she said, Natsu scoffing before crossing his arms over his chest.
"Yeah I do. I hear things."
"What things?" she challenged, Natsu glancing at the side as his jaw tightened.
He took a deep breath before facing her. "Just, watch yourself."
"Seriously?" Lucy put a hand on her hip, not liking how Natsu was quick to judge Hibiki. "You don't have to worry. He's my friend, he's not going to do... whatever you're implying."
"I just don't want to see you getting hurt."
Lucy wasn't sure if he meant physically or emotionally, but his words made her bark out a laugh. "You have a weird way of showing it."
Natsu narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Lucy held out her arms, fed up with arguing with him. "You're hurting me right now!"
He was stunned silent for a few seconds before having the audacity to ask, "What are you talking about!?" He pointed at her as a stress mark appeared on his forehead. "I haven't hurt you!"
"Your words! You're hurting me, Natsu!" She glared, anger swarming her as she looked at the dumbfounded expression on his face. "I've been standing here telling you I'm fully capable of doing this job, and you're telling me I'm not! You're telling me you don't have confidence in me, and— I—"
She had to stop gritting her teeth in fear they could crack. "Natsu I worked fucking hard! I worked to get where I am now!" She took a step forward, refusing to back down. "I didn't just decide to do this on a whim! I thought about it for a while!"
Natsu sneered, "After talking with that flirty fuck?"
Before Lucy could ask why he felt the need to drag Hibiki into their fight, she blurted out, "Since before you even left!"
That had Natsu reeling back, eyes wide as his lips parted. He couldn't get any words out, though not from lack of trying if his moving mouth was any indicator. He barely let out a sound, giving Lucy time to explain.
"It's not why I started running," she said, pointing at the track beneath them, "but it's why I kept running. I knew if I went off base I'd have to be fast and strong, and I worked towards that goal. I thought it through."
Lucy took a deep breath before continuing. "And yes, Hibiki helped me become a runner by preparing me with stories and tips of being off base, but he's not the reason I made my decision! That was all me! ME! No one can take that away!"
The silence that followed was deafening, Lucy breathing deeply to keep herself from exploding on him again. There was so much she could say, but she had to ask herself, 'What's the point if he won't budge? Why waste my breath?'
Finally Natsu spoke, voice quiet and unsure, almost broken. "Why'd you ask him and not me?"
"What?" Lucy tilted her head, trying to dull the anger flowing through her.
"Hibiki," he said, frowning as his eyes dropped. "If you've been thinking about it for that long," he crossed his arms over his chest, "why ask him and not me? I'm a runner too."
He sounded hurt, Lucy's heart panging until she reminded herself he had caused her pain too. "Because," she started, shrugging. "You've said countless times how happy you are I'm safe on base, how you don't have to worry if I'll be home when you get back."
When Natsu's eyes found hers, she averted her gaze. "You made me feel weak, like I wasn't good enough to go off base."
Natsu lifted a hand as his mouth opened, but she shook her head, cutting off whatever protest he might have given. "Don't try to deny it, because you can't tell me how I felt."
Natsu's lips twisted as confliction marred his face. He exhaled slowly before saying, "I didn't mean to make you feel weak."
For a moment, Lucy's face softened. "I know your heart was in the right place, but what you said made me feel like I shouldn't try for anything more than maintenance, that I wasn't strong enough to go off base, and right now you're telling me exactly what I feared."
She paused, eyes narrowing. "You don't think I can handle the job and won't even allow yourself to change your mind."
"I... I never said you're not strong, just, Lucy..." He must have seen he wasn't getting through to her, his eyes flitting around wildly before settling on her arm. "What happened there? Really?"
Lucy looked at the bandage, shaking her head. "I fell, okay?" When he didn't look satisfied with that answer, she said, "I was dragging a zombie and—"
Natsu turned away, squeezing his eyes shut as if the news physically pained him. Lucy couldn't help but think he was overreacting. "What? It's literally part of my job. Don't you do that?"
"Yes I do, but I'm—" He groaned. "Lucy, you don't need to do this. It's dangerous out there!"
"I'm aware," she said, but that wasn't enough.
"I don't understand why you're so hellbent on going off base when you don't have to."
"Why do you?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. When he jolted, she added, "Why do you go off base, Natsu? You can easily be in maintenance, or watch, or anything on base, but you choose to be a runner and clearer. Why?"
"Because," Natsu started, as if the answer was obvious. "Someone's gotta do it."
Lucy gave him a pointed look. "Someone else can do that job, so why you specifically?"
Natsu struggled to answer, shoulders tensing as he cupped the back of his neck. "Because... I, I just... do."
"And why can't I?" she challenged, watching him sputter for a moment.
"It's just— Why if you don't—" Natsu took a deep breath through his nose. "I..."
"You don't think I can handle it," Lucy accused when his voice trailed off.
"It's... not a matter of if you can or can't handle it." A hint of aggravation slipped into his voice again. "You don't need to."
"I don't think that's it." Lucy didn't back down, holding his eye contact as she said, "I think you don't think I can handle myself." Before he could respond, she said, "And I know it's not because I'm a girl, because you've seen strong women."
"I have," he said with a nod. "I know girls are capable of doing it, it's just, you." His shoulders fell as his voice held an urgency. "Lucy, you don't need to."
"Well, I disagree." Lucy stood tall, proud of her decision. "I feel like I need to do this. I'm capable of contributing more to Fairy Tail, and I have a duty to do my best." Being a runner gave her a sense of belonging.
She paused, heart aching a bit as she admitted her fears. "I think you think I'm fragile. Like I'm just going to break."
When he didn't deny it, that ache tripled. Lucy didn't know what to say to get through to him, if there even was a way to make him see she was capable of doing the job. "Rogue goes off base," she said, startling Natsu. "He's capable, yes?"
Natsu hesitated before nodding, as if sensing a trap. "Yeah."
"Well, he trained me, and he said I passed." She allowed the surge of pride to fill her. It was a welcome change from the frustration Natsu caused. "I'm emptying houses on my own now."
"Rogue's okay with it?" Natsu asked, but before she could answer, he shook his head. "Then he's being reckless too. Lucy, you don't gotta go off base to prove you're tough. I get it, you're strong. Isn't that enough?"
Lucy would scoff at his implications, but aggravation filled her. She glared as she went off. "Really?! You think I'm doing this because I want you to think I'm strong?! Natsu, this is my choice. Yes, I'd like you to be on board and recognize how far I've come, but I'm not doing this because of you, and I'm not stopping because of you!"
She took another step closer, jabbing her pointer finger into his chest. A bead of sweat ran down his face, the man's teeth clenched as he stared down at her fury.
"Rogue's okay with it! Makarov's okay with it! Hell! Everyone's okay with it except apparently you!"
Natsu's brows pinched together as he leaned down, invading her personal space. She couldn't say much seeing as she invaded his first. "If you're so proud of being a runner why the fuck didn't you just tell me yesterday?! I had to find out from Makarov!"
She wasn't sure what reaction he expected, but it was clear she threw him off when she started laughing. Lucy turned, walking a few steps away as she shook her head, needing a minute. "Why not?!"
Lucy whirled around, catching Natsu's eyes snapping to her face from the ground. "Seems like everyone likes sharing my business!"
"It's not funny," Natsu muttered.
Lucy had to agree with him on that. "You're right. It's not, but what the hell am I going to do about it? Doesn't look like people want to respect my privacy."
"I'm sorry," he muttered, though he didn't sound like it. "I can't control what other people—" He shook his head. "It's just, you coulda told me. You had time."
"What? You wanted more time to try to talk me out of it?" She pushed her bangs out of her face as she ground her teeth. "You can't even hold me not telling you against me anyways, since you already admitted you're not going to hear me out. I'm a runner Natsu, no matter what you say."
Natsu stared at her for a long moment before finally asking, "Why Hibiki?"
"What?" Lucy's brows shot up, stunned for a moment before asking, "What about him?" She couldn't understand why he didn't seem to like Hibiki. It wasn't as if they had any bad blood between them. They didn't talk to each other before today.
"I just don't understand," he started, biting his bottom lip as he hesitated. "Just... Why are you hanging out with him?"
Before she could answer, he added, "You have the day off. Why aren't you hanging out with me?"
Lucy's eyes rounded as she blinked, not expecting that. His voice was unsure again, almost timid.
"Because..." Lucy's face tightened as she recalled her decision to put off telling Natsu until tonight, but that all came crashing down. She wanted time to prepare, but that was ripped away from her.
She tried fighting the surge of annoyance flooding her system. She just wanted to enjoy her day off before having the difficult discussion, now fighting with her best friend because he thought she wasn't fit to be off base.
"If I told you I had the day off today, that'd probably raise questions, and then you'd probably want answers," her volume increased as she spoke until she was screaming, "and then we'd have to have this whole discussion and I wasn't ready to have this fucking discussion!"
Natsu jolted before firing back. "Why are you yelling?!"
"Why do you think I'm yelling! I'm pissed!" Lucy's hands balled into fists, wanting to take out her frustration instead of arguing with Natsu.
'I can't believe I thought he would take the news well. What the hell was I thinking?'
Lucy gestured wildly in front of herself while glaring at him. "We are going back and forth, back and forth, and for what?! At the end of the day I'm still going to be a runner, Natsu, whether you like it or not. It doesn't matter when I was going to tell you because the outcome would've been the same! It doesn't matter who I hung out with!"
"I just... don't get why you'd wanna hang out with him and not me? I've been gone for two months Lucy. It would've been nice spending time with you."
Was he trying to guilt her? She didn't sense that, Natsu looking genuinely hurt by her decision. Was he distracting her? She couldn't tell what his goal was, so she sighed, trying to release the bitterness in her heart.
"I already told you why I didn't hang out with you. I wanted time to prepare. And I didn't want to lie to you, so I hung out with my friend."
"You have other friends," Natsu pointed out, but that only confused her.
"And I hang out with them too. Wh—" She shook her head. "Why does it matter if I'm hanging out with Hibiki or not?" Her dull headache had started roaring from the whiplash his questions were giving her.
Trying to end that subject, Lucy added, "Hibiki's my friend. He's been there for me."
Natsu's jaw went slack, the man almost stumbling despite not moving. "Are— I..."
He grew quiet while Lucy became anxious, wondering what was going through his mind. "Look, there's no reason to be paranoid. Hibiki hasn't done anything bad to me. He's a good friend, just like everyone else."
When Natsu didn't respond, she said, "Besides, our other friends don't have today off, and I didn't want to be by myself and I didn't want to risk you knowing about my job any sooner—"
His eye twitched, but she ignored it in favor of continuing. "I thought you'd be resting right now. I just, wanted time to prepare for tonight, but I guess it doesn't matter. You weren't going to listen to me anyways."
The longer Natsu stayed silent the more uncomfortable she felt. His wide eyes were unwavering, Lucy feeling sweat trickle down the back of her neck as she rambled.
"I usually take a nap on my days off, but I thought you'd be in the room all day, and I thought about asking Levy if I could use her room, but I figured I could skip the nap today, so I went and asked Hibiki to hang out before I talked to you tonight."
She was about to go on, but when Natsu opened his mouth, she was rendered silent.
"Did you have to do it here?"
"What?" Lucy asked, tensing when he grit his teeth and gestured around them. "I don't..."
Natsu looked impatient, scoffing as he waited for her to get it.
"I'm not a mind reader, Natsu. I don't know what you're trying to say!"
"Our spot!" Natsu threw his hands out as if she was supposed to know what he meant.
Lucy flinched at his outburst before asking, "Wh-what?"
"You brought him to our spot!" Natsu bared his teeth, venom laced with his voice. "You're bringing everyone to our spot!"
Lucy shook her head, brows furrowed and mouth gaping. "What are you talking about?"
"First Loke! Now Hibiki!"
She knew she was missing something, frustrated as she asked, "What spot?"
"This field!" Natsu groaned in exasperation. "This is where you and I hang out!"
"But?" Lucy looked around, still lost. "Gray's hung out with us out here before?" She turned to him, seeing the way his nose scrunched. "And so has Erza."
"Well—" He faltered before shouting, "That's different!"
She recoiled from the volume before asking, "How is that different?"
"I don't know! It's just different!"
Natsu turned around, causing Lucy's eyes to widen. She thought he was leaving, but he started pacing, mumbling to himself. She couldn't hear most of it, but she caught some.
"Everything's different... What the hell? Gray's okay with people literally dying... Lucy's a fucking runner? The fuck is going on?!"
Lucy gave him a weird look, jolting when he glanced at her again. He walked up to her, stopping a foot away. "All I wanted to do was find you and just... and just, talk, or not talk! I just wanted to see you."
He made a noise of frustration before putting a hand over his eyes. "I don't even know! I just wanted to see you but then I found out you're risking your life when you don't have to!"
Lucy rolled her eyes, hands resting on her hips. "Well, I don't know what you want me to do about it."
"Quit," Natsu said without a shred of hesitation as he dropped his hand, that damn pleading look on his face again.
Lucy narrowed her eyes, refusing to give up. "I like being a runner. I'm—"
When Natsu turned away, she almost growled. "Look at me!"
She waited until Natsu complied, though he was reluctant. His brows were pinched, a wrinkle on his forehead as he stared her down. She wouldn't be swayed, and he needed to get that through his skull.
"I'm good at being a runner, and nothing you say is going to change my mind." She took a dramatic deep breath in before slowly exhaling, causing Natsu to snap.
"Did you just sigh at me?!"
"No, I'm trying to reset."
When Natsu gave her a questioning look, she explained. "Rogue suggested I do that when I get stressed."
"Oh? So I make you stressed?" Natsu's attitude wasn't hidden, clearly not appreciating her sigh.
"Yes, yes you absolutely are making me stressed."
"W-well," Natsu started, clenching his teeth. "The fact that you're going off base makes me stressed!"
"Maybe try sighing then," she suggested, not bothering to hide her sarcasm. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you I'm happy with my decision for you to get it. I'm a good runner, but you don't care about what I want!"
"It doesn't matter what you want if you end up dead!"
Lucy recoiled before she clenched her teeth. "You're being an asshole!"
"Am not! I'm being sensible! Unlike you! I just want you safe!"
Lucy's fists trembled as she barely contained her rage. "No, it sounds like you want to control me!"
Natsu's jaw dropped before he shook his head. "No, I—" He paused, eyes falling as he concentrated. "Maybe... I am."
Lucy released her anger, shocked to hear him admit it. Unfortunately, it didn't make her feel any better having him acknowledge it.
"But that's not what I—"
"Natsu. Lucy."
Both Natsu and Lucy jumped when they heard a new voice, the two looking past Natsu to see Erza standing there. Her arms were crossed over her chest, looking rather displeased to be interrupting.
"I have no interest in eavesdropping or taking sides," she said, eyes flitting to each one of them. "We've been receiving complaints of you two being too loud. I've been asked to kindly ask you two to tone it down."
Lucy gasped, hand covering her mouth. "People can hear us?"
Erza nodded. "We can't make out what you're saying, but we can hear voices every once in a while, which means you're getting too loud. If we can hear you from the school, any infected roaming in the area will hear it too and come this way. So, can you two just, lower your volume?"
Natsu lowered his head before saying, "Yeah, we can—"
Lucy didn't bother listening to what Natsu had to say, already turning. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm leaving."
"Wait!" Natsu shouted, only to have Erza scold him.
"What did I just say?"
"Sorry," he mumbled, Natsu waiting a few seconds before walking towards Lucy, who was gathering her sweater and books. "We were still talking—"
Lucy didn't look at him. "There's nothing left to discuss, Natsu." She held her stuff to her chest, wishing she had his acceptance, but even without it she was going to press forward. "I'm strong. I won't let you or anyone else tell me I'm not capable of doing my job."
She took a deep breath, nodding to herself. "I'm a runner, and you're just going to have to live with that."
"But—"
Lucy didn't stay, forcing herself to move past him and Erza towards the exit. She refused to look back, even when her heart cracked with every step.
She had to get away, otherwise she would break.
.
.
.
Up next, Chapter Sixty: Vice
We'll be getting a new POV in this next chapter. If I've done this character before, it wasn't for very long, but next chapter will be completely in their perspective. Care to guess who it may be? The chapter's title gives a hint.
When Natsu first came to confront Lucy, why do you think he paused to look at her for a moment before proceeding to fight with her? Also, what'd you think about their fight/argument/(lack of)discussion? Thoughts on either side? Keep in mind, Natsu was already heated from his fight with Gray, so he came in a little too hot, which had Lucy quickly matching his intensity. Happy this chapter didn't end on a cliffhanger? Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought of this chapter! :D
I had an awesome commission done for their fight! You can find it on AO3. Same story, same chapter, it's at the end of the chapter. You should check it out! It's beautiful and captures their fight perfectly! The artist's name is annluvazzel! You can find her on tumblr, twitter, or instagram under the same name!
Shout out to those awesome people who gave me feedback last time: Hayitsmay363, Guest, Sydneste, spooklord28, Ghosty95, nalu20, catchastar101, Jazminee18, ReynaSofy997, stranger1999, BeachBumBabe, randommess1, lovelyleveret, Yaknova, Celestial-Aphrodite, CodenameMise, SunsetRika, Smarty, Guest, SassCassNL, Unicorn20023, sakshishetty3003, Raquenzel, CrazyZaika, sonikastalker, Xfangirl123X, ElementalMiko12, Sakura2bloom, Meow Orbit, AJ, hiii guys, shootingstarssel, Sam, SheWhoLeavesCrappyReviews, FlameDragonHime, Doginshoe, dareaderreads, samurai of sunflowers, SistershoOk, Duchixx, PAKSOO, ottermadness, darkestangel944, Floreareginei, and aiyannaliszkap! It's much appreciated!
*Haven't gotten my test results back yet for my third COVID test, but I should get them Monday or Tuesday. I'll be honest, if it comes back negative I'm going to be very surprised. Out of the 11 symptoms Google has for it, I've had 8 in the last week. Very uncomfortable. Oh, and my mom is doing better. She's back at work now with no symptoms.
