Cards Against the Crystal Gems
Amethyst read the card. "Garnet is made of _."
They swiftly chose their answers.
"Garnet is made of science."
"Science has nothing to do with it." Peridot said.
"Garnet is made of hope."
"You've defiantly inspired a lot of hope." Pearl commented.
"Garnet is made of too much cocaine. If you've got too much, would mind sharing some? Garnet is made of sweet, sweet vengeance."
"That is a terrible reason to fuse." Garnet muttered.
"Garnet is made of world peace. I'll give it to too much cocaine."
"I win." Pearl grinned.
Garnet went next. "Awww, sick! I just saw this skater do a 720 kickflip into _!"
They all put down a white card.
"A 720 kickflip into an oversized lollipop! A 720 kickflip into the clown that followed me home from the grocery store!"
"That's a… convenient way to lose a tail." Pearl commented.
"A 720 kickflip into a pinata full of scorpions!"
"That must've hurt." Lapis said.
"A 720 kickflip into crippling debt!"
"That would be the medical bills from wiping out." Amethyst said.
"A 720 kickflip into my ex-wife! Hmm… crippling debt."
"I win!" Amethyst cheered.
Pearl read the new card. "Adventure. Romance. _. From Paramount Pictures, '_.'"
They thoughtfully picked their answers.
"Adventure. Romance. Getting drive-by shot. From Paramount Pictures, 'My sex life.'"
"Your sex life does include all those things." Bismuth stated.
"Adventure. Romance. Not contributing to society in any meaningful way. From Paramount Pictures, 'The Ruby Squad.'"
"Burn!" Amethyst hooted.
"Adventure. Romance. Fear itself. From Paramount Pictures, 'Bad emotions I don't want.'"
"It's a movie so bad, it hates itself." Lapis said.
"Adventure. Romance. A thumbs up from Garnet. From Paramount Pictures, 'Being made of love.'"
"I wanna see that movie!" Bismuth exclaimed.
"Adventure. Romance. A constant need for validation. From Paramount Pictures, 'Pearl walking in on Rose and Greg hav- Oh come on!"
It was too late; Amethyst was already laughing.
Pearl ripped the card into little shreds and flung them on the floor. She left them there for a whole thirty seconds before sweeping them up and putting them in the trash.
"So who wins?" Amethyst asked innocently
"The one about Garnet." Pearl growled.
Garnet took the card with a self-satisfied grin.
Bismuth drew a new card. "_: Achievement unlocked."
They all picked their answers.
"Rainbow Quartz 2.0: Achievement unlocked."
"That was an achievement." Garnet smiled at Pearl. "For both of you."
"Punching a congressman in the face: Achievement unlocked."
"That's always satisfying." Amethyst commented.
"Crystal meth: Achievement unlocked. Pulling a sick, shit-covered raccoon out of the toilet and nursing it back to health: Achievement unlocked. Pearl freaking out: Achievement unlocked."
"Easiest achievement to get." Amethyst teased.
"Rainbow Quartz 2.0." Bismuth decided.
"Yeah!" Amethyst shouted.
Peridot grabbed the next black card. "Turns out that _-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted."
The gems each gave her a white card.
"Vehicular manslaughter-Man."
"That sounds like a villain." Pearl noted.
"BATMAN!-Man."
"Obviously a cheap bootleg." Amethyst scoffed.
"Doing stuff bad-Man."
"The name should have a dead give-away." Garnet said.
"A bunch of pebbles fusing together to form a mountain-Man. Crazy anal orgasms-Man."
"Darn. I had high hopes for that guy." Amethyst sighed.
"I pick doing stuff bad." Peridot declared.
Bismuth got the card.
Lapis drew the next one. "Unfortunately, no one can be told what _ is. You have to experience it for yourself."
They carefully picked their answers.
"No one can be told what Sadie Killer and the Suspects is."
"I keep telling you guys, you need to see one of their shows!" Amethyst exclaimed.
"No one can be told what Peridot's three hour rant about how Percy and Pierre are the perfect couple is. It is certainly an experience. No one can be told what the awesome power of the Lord is. No one can be told what shitting out a screaming face is."
"I'd rather not experience that." Pearl muttered.
"No one can be told what fusion is."
"Well I can explain, but experiencing it is better." Garnet said.
"Peri's three hour rant." Lapis decided.
Amethyst grabbed the card.
Current Score
Amethyst: 31
Garnet: 35
Pearl: 33
Bismuth: 30
Peridot: 26
Lapis: 25
