I hate myself for letting Harumi get to me as much as she did in that jungle.

We were only in the jungle for a few days, but it felt like weeks. Of all the things it reminds me of, I have the same feelings about it as when my dad and I were escaping the Golden Master. It was a small period of time that was way longer than I thought it really was. Of course, I think back on that time with my dad and feel happy that I got any time with him. I look back on that jungle, and all I feel is anger.

...You know, the more I really take the time to think about it, I never really spent that much time with Harumi before she turned on us. I spent more time with her as my enemy, than I did with her as my friend. But knowing that all of that time was a lie, makes it hard for me to ever think that I was considering being her friend. Considering being, more than that. I've already said this, but I liked her at first. I'd never felt that way about someone before. I'd never thought of someone like that, and thought about something more than just helping them. And she used that to her advantage whenever she could.

I don't like talking about Harumi, like this. I don't like being angry about her. And I know the more I keep trying to say that, the worse it looks. I don't want to hate someone. I don't want to sit here and feel all this anger towards her. The only reason that I can even talk about this, is because I've told myself that I'm the better person for this. That, somehow, when I told her that I wouldn't give into my hatred like she did, that I meant it. That I can do that. I don't know why, but I sometimes doubt that. I start to doubt that, the more I keep trying to talk about her. And it doesn't help that this was all recent for me. I haven't gotten to think about all this, like I have with my father, like with Morro and Chen. Harumi is, all right now. And knowing that, just makes me start to think that I am being too harsh on her. Because I know that the only reason she ended up like this, was because I did this to her.

But then I think again. I think about what she did. What sort of things that she made me go through. And then I get angry again. I don't want to be angry! I don't, want to be like this. But it's this moment here, this part, that she finally showed me her true colors. That was when I realized that she was being quiet this entire time for a reason.

Ugh, I'm not making sense. Let's just start from after we got out of the mech. We spent the first night with the mech, at which point I left a note for the others to find us. I tried to fix the thing, but I'm not the best with machines. Nothing happened that first night. We were too scared about being in the middle of a dangerous jungle without any sort of mech or thing to help us that it wasn't worth trying to talk. We just huddled down and tried to make it through.

We woke up the next morning with a massive green creature trying to yank the mech out from over us and eat us. My right arm was still busted up from the fall, so Harumi used the map to tie up a sling for me and we ran. We barely managed to get away. I've fought some big creatures before, and I'm pretty sure that it had to be some cousin to the Grundle. ...Which, I don't know why I know what that is. We fell into a pit and let it pass over us. After it was long gone, we decided to try to follow the map.

The first hint that I should've had something was up with Harumi was how she took my sword for me and started cutting through the jungle with it like it was nothing. I didn't care at the time, but she knew how to handle it. We were more focused on just getting through the forest than anything.

There was always something about Harumi that made me think about her. I think at the time, I could feel that there was more to her than she was letting on. She was beautiful, but she was smart too. I never felt like I had to dumb down what I was saying to tlak to her. She knew what to say to make me start to trust her. She knew what I wanted to hear. I wanted to know more about her, though. I knew what she'd told me, but at the time what I wanted to know was more about who she was. I just felt.. .driven, to get to know her.

How much of that was intentional? I don't know how much she'd planned for this. She had me alone, which I knew she'd need eventually. But the parts about making me fall for her… I don't know how she did it. I don't know if she planned that, or just changed her strategy in knowing it. But either way, she got me to want to be around her. She got me to want to see more about her. And… she was able to use that against me, right when we needed it most.

The only time that I actually was able to suspect her was when we entered a place called Strangler's Path. We'd been hiking all day, and other than us getting such a rude awakening in the morning, we didn't exactly see anything else. So I let my guard down and got grabbed by plants that tried to drag me into a tree. I'm sure that if they'd gotten me inside, I wouldn't have gotten out. Harumi had my sword at the time and, without even blinking, threw it perfectly through the air from at least twenty feet away to cleave through the vines and save me. I was confused and started asking how she'd learned to do that. I didn't even take her excuse of beginner's luck as an answer. It was right when I started to pry that she kissed me.

Before, she'd tried to do it on the Bounty when we first entered the Dead Man's Squall. I don't know if I said that or not, but she'd been toying with my feelings since then. When we were alone in the jungle, I got anxious knowing that we'd be alone together. I didn't get it until she kissed me. I realized when she did, it was because I felt like something like that would happen. With her taking the first move like that, though, I didn't feel worried anymore. I almost felt happy to hear it. And I let her just keep on manipulating me. Just like that. I let her kiss me just so she could keep up this game with me longer.

I remember after that, I wasn't exactly up for talking. I was so embarrassed knowing that a girl had just kissed me, that Harumi had kissed me, that I was afraid of saying something stupid and making her take it back. I don't know how I even thought that, but I did. I thought that if I said something stupid, she'd take back kissing me. I was such an idiot. I was so stupid.

The thing was, Harumi didn't always talk first. Most of the time, she let me bring up a conversation, or she'd just say one small thing and let me take over. I remember my mother telling me at some point that I talk a lot, and that sometimes the best way to get other people to talk is to tell them something that they want to hear about. She would ask me things about my life, about me being a ninja, me being the son of Garmadon, asking me about all our adventures and such. She really had done her research. She'd ask me a question about Morro, and I'd go on and tell her about all of it. I'd ask her about the palace, and later it would turn into getting me talking about the Monastery. She was a quiet one. The Quiet One.

In a small way, I felt like I was getting to know Harumi. Now, I know that she was really just getting me to talk about myself and making me think I was getting to know her. She wasn't letting me actually get close to me. She was holding me back, but also telling me that we were close. It makes me think if other people have done that to me. Did Morro do that to me when he was in my head? Did the Twins get us to do that? I know that it's not how it happened, but I can't help but think about it. I start thinking, and I keep coming back to how I feel like she just… used me. How she let me think, we were actually going to be something.

We eventually found our way to a boat that was docked in the river, with a copy of the map that we were using. From what I understand, Harumi had sent some of the SOG to find the temple, and this was the aftermath of it. I would say something about her sending people to their deaths, but it's still a small crime compared to what she facilitated through my dad. So, 'll just say that we used the boat to get down the river and make our way closer.

Remember how I talked about wanting to see my father again last chapter? Harumi asked me that question when I was on the boat. It was the first time I'd thought about it. I'd been so wrapped up by then really thinking about stopping the SOG that I wasn't thinking about why I was stopping them. I knew that my father wouldn't want me to bring him back like the SOG were trying to. I told her that I didn't want it, and she took that for an answer. We would have talked more, but that was when we got our first taste of what exactly was in the jungle that was trying to kill us… again.

Long story short, we were nearly killed by a giant crab, and were only saved by going over a waterfall. It's honestly such a mundane thing for me to get attacked like that, I was more concerned at the time for Harumi than myself. I guess all that time spent on the Bounty and getting shot down eventually makes the idea of crashing less scary for me. I only got to see part of the crab at first, so right now, I'll just leave this at saying that after we crashed, we dragged ourselves out of the water and found that we'd reached the Oni Temple we'd been searching for.

You know… I think I'm going to just skip to the part where we found the mask. I don't have anything to say about what happened when we got there and how we got to the chamber. The only thing to note was that it was set up so you had to break a wall that didn't flood the room. There was a story about the Oni in the room, about how they had come looking for the First Spinjitzu Master after he fled their realm. But I wasn't paying attention to that. I didn't care about that. Right now, we were there for the mask. And everything that happened next, was when everything I knew about Harumi truly started.

I wish I knew why it was this moment that I have nightmares about. It wasn't a moment that hurt me in the way that Morro did. It didn't do something to my friends, or something to my dad. It didn't even hurt me that badly. But whenever I think about it, I remember every detail about that room. I remember the pedestal with purple flames protecting the mask. The walkways over a massive pit that led to it. The golden symbols on the floor, painted there by Oni a long time ago. I remember how my voice echoed a bit whenever I talked. How I could hear the water from the rooms around us. I remember everything.

I slipped on the way inside when we got there, and Harumi helped me up. When we got to the pedestal, she tried to take the mask. When she did, it repelled her. She wasn't able to grab it like she wanted. I was thinking of a way to try to knock it out, when she told me that only someone with Oni blood could take the mask. When she said it, I didn't think anything of it at first. I reached out and placed my hands in the fire. I didn't feel anything. I was able to grab the mask and pull it out, without anything. But when I had it, the Mask of Hatred, in my hands, I realized what she said wasn't right.

How did she know I had Oni blood? Once I felt that thought in my head, something began to pull at my strings. Things started to add up. How she'd thrown my sword so perfectly. How she'd been there when we were attacked by Samurai X. I remembered she'd said she needed me when I was saving her from Samurai X. Suddenly, things in my head were starting to go in a place I didn't want them to go. I was thinking that something was wrong with Harumi. She shouldn't have known I had Oni blood.

I asked her how she knew, and she tried to tell me she just guessed from it being an Oni temple. But that wasn't right. I knew it wasn't right. Only Jay and I were there when Mystake told me about the First Spinjitzu Master's origins. I remember the way she tried to keep lying about how she overheard it from Jay. I hated what I was thinking. I hated that I was feeling like she was lying to me. I hated the fact that I thought she was the Quiet One, the leader of the SOG.

What sealed it for me, was when I asked her about it. I told her that I thought it was her. She asked me how I could think that about her, and I thought that too. If she hadn't tried to kiss me, then maybe I would have believed her. When she went in to kiss me, though, I knew that something was wrong. She was trying to distract me. And the only reason she was doing that, was because I was getting too close to her.

Something in me snapped. I pushed her way. I realized everything that had happened, was because of her. She'd killed the Emperor and Empress. She'd made us crash, separated me from my friends. She'd nearly killed Zane by telling the SOG about him. She'd been the one behind all of this. She was the Quiet One. And I'd just led her to the mask. All of that time we'd spent together suddenly felt like it was all just coming undone. I hated everything that I was thinking, but I knew it was true.

I can't get the words she said to me out of my head. When she was little, the Great Devourer tore through the city. Her parents died, but she survived. Lord Garmadon had been the one to take the Devourer down. Not us. I was the one that unleashed it. I'd killed her family, because I'd been the one that let Pythor out. She told me everything right there. I learned that I had been the one to hurt Harumi more than anyone else in the world.

I wanted to get away from her. All that time we'd spent on theBounty, all that time we spent in the jungle, it all felt like it was far away. As if, it just hadn't happened. I felt like I was falling through the pit around us. I hadn't ever felt like that before. I hadn't been betrayed like this before. Nothing had hurt me like that before. And Harumi was just smiling. She was smiling while she tore me apart with her words.

She drew a knife, and we fought. I didn't want to hurt her, and she knew it. Whenever I tried to attack, she'd push me away. She was willing to kill me then and there. We were fighting over the mask, but I didn't care about it. I didn't want to fight her. Everytime I tried to attack, I just felt like I was hurting one of my friends. But at the same time, she just kept going. Everything she said just made it worse. That's what made Harumi so different from everyone. Morro had torn me down with my memories, but Harumi tore me down with her words. She knew I felt more guilt than anything just hearing that I'd been the one to open up those tombs.

I don't know why. I don't get it. I don't know why it hurts so much. Why is it that moment that I keep thinking about? There's another big one, I'll talk about that later. But if I dream about Harumi, I almost always end up back in that temple. I end up there with her, holding that knife, telling me about every horrible thing I'd done. Telling me, about how horrible a person I was to her. And aach time, it always ends when I pick up the mask and throw it into the pit. It ends when Harumi jumps in after it. Only in my dreams, she doesn't come back up.

The Mask of Hatred's power was to turn you into an invincible stone warrior, though not the ones from the Dark Island. When she put it on, I'd already lost the fight. Just trying to use the knife broke it over her new body. She jumped back up and attacked me. I couldn't do anything to hurt her. But she could hurt me. She told me what she wanted to do. She didn't want to hurt me physically. She wanted me to feel the pain of losing her parents to the Devourer. She wanted my father back so he could tear me apart. She wanted him back, so that she could take everything from me.

I wasn't able to stop her. She ran out of the room and smashed the rooms that caused the room to flood. The only reason I didn't drown was because I got sucked into an underwater current that dragged me out of the temple and out the waterfalls that were above it. I'm not sure how it worked. But I know that the moment the water filled the room to when I ended up outside the temple was a blur to me.

The SOG had attacked my friends before they got to the temple, so I was shocked to see that the SOG were there. But I was more shocked to see that the crab monster that had tried to kill us had come back for us. It was more of a scorpion when it was out of the water, but whatever. I don't remember that fight. I was so numb from everything. I was so numb from what I'd heard that I was fighting on autoiplot. I was just doing what I had to. I told my friends that Harumi was the Quiet One, but that's really it.

And… I made a stupid decision. I wasn't thinking well at all. I saw Harumi and the SOG take the Bounty while we were fighting. They were going to get away. If I hadn't just been betrayed, beaten up by a crab thing and saw I was about to lose, I might have thought this through more. But I didn't. I had my friends launch me after them. I just wanted to get that mask. I just… wanted to stop Harumi.

I didn't. She captured me, since I'd just jumped onto a ship of the entire SOG without thinking. I was so angry I barely even cared. I demanded hse give me back the mask, and she just laughed. She didn't sound the same anymore. She didn't even look like the Harumi I'd gotten to know. She declared we were heading home for a family reunion, which was when Killow grabbed me and knocked me out. It was the dumbest possible way for me to go and try to stop them, but it didn't matter. I'd given Harumi everything she wanted.

The quiet journey had come to an end, and now, I was going to see my father again. The game of masks had been won, and I had lost.


"There," Lloyd sighed, "That's, really all I wanted to talk about for right now."

Jay didn't look happy. Lloyd slowly sat back in his chair, closing his eyes for a moment. Talking about this one hurt. On one hand, he'd wanted to tell everything he could about Harumi. He wanted to make clear why she'd hurt him so much. On the other hand, whenever he said anything, it felt like he was forcing it out of himself. He didn't know if he'd done the job he needed to. Even if he hadn't, however, he didn't want to try to redo it.

"Lloyd…" Jay sat up, "I, didn't know that she did all that to you. We all just, assumed that she'd betrayed you. I didn't know how much she hurt you. And, we're only up to this part. Are you sure you want to keep going with this?"

"What do you mean?" Lloyd frowned, "Of course I do. I have to tell the whole thing. Everyone in Ninjago knows who Harumi is. They need to know what she did to me."

"Do they?" Jay asked, "If you're trying to tell them what really happened, you don't have to talk about it this much. I'm getting worried about this."

"You don't have to," Lloyd shook his head, "I've been doing this with the others so far. I'll be fine. I'm going to get all this done, I promise."

"It doesn't sound like you want to, though," Jay frowned, "You just sound so angry, all the time. Lloyd, I, think you really should know that you don't have to talk about all this. You can just talk about what you want to."

"I won't do that," Llyod informed him, "I'm going to say all of it. Got it?"

"...Fine," Jay frowned back at him, "But at least, promise me one thing, okay?"

"What?" Lloyd asked.

"That you don't hate yourself for what happened," Jay leaned forward.

Lloyd was taken aback by what he heard. Jay wasn't normally like this. He normally was way more happy and ready to talk about something else. He expected to hear this from Cole, or even Nya. But hearing it out of Jay was enough to make Lloyd feel like something was wrong. Was.. there something wrong with the way he'd been doing these chapters?

"I… I don't, Jay." Lloyd shook his head, "I promise that I don't hate myself for it. I know what happened and, I know that in the end, she brought this on herself. I couldn't have done anything to change it. Even if she hurt me… I don't hate myself. I promise."

"Okay… okay," Jay nodded his head, "Alright. Then, can you do something else for me?"

"Erm… what now?" Lloyd asked awkwardly.

"Pay you back for the restaurant?" Jay smiled awkwardly back, "I haven't got a chance to ask."

"Uh…" Lloyd blinked. That was right. When they'd gone out for dinner after the last chapter, Jay had forgotten his wallet, so Lloyd had to pick up the bill. For a moment, Lloyd wasn't sure why Jay brought it up, but he wasn't going to question it, "...Sure?"

"Then let's go out to the arcade," Jay stood up, "The one near Ronin's place just got some new games and I want to try them out!"

"You.. want to pay me back, by taking me out to an arcade you want to go?" Lloyd smirked, "Really, Jay?"

"Unless you think you're not good enough to beat me at a game I've never played!" Jay declared.

"Oh, you know I can't not go now," Lloyd jumped up, "Come on, we're going now!"

Jay watched as Lloyd walked out of the room. For a moment, all Jay could do was sigh in relief. Nya's advice had paid off. After a moment to gather himself, Jay followed his friend, ready to help put these chapters behind him for the time being.