The Question of... Marriage?, by Daneel Rush

Originally posted on November 5th, 2013


"Ah, coriander!" Vita suddenly exclaimed, smashing her left hand with her right fist. "I knew I'd forgotten something! Shirou! Do you…?"

The contract mage in his mid-twenties, currently keeping himself busy dusting his dining room, glanced at the small redhead in the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah, take what you need; it's in the—"

"The third compartment at the bottom of the fridge, right over the carrots?"

Shirou made an odd face, and in that time Vita disappeared behind the wall separating the kitchen from the dining room. Some seconds later, the little girl reemerged with a triumphant exclamation.

"Aha!" She said, raising the bag of cilantro over her head like the Hero of Time when claiming a treasure. With that, she hurried to chop it and add it to her soup in the works.

It was the day of another of their regular picnic parties, and Vita for once wished to contribute with something other than her empty stomach. She also wanted to make it a surprise for Hayate and the others, so she claimed Emiya Shirou's kitchen.

The plan kind of failed when everybody decided to gather at Shirou's place before leaving to the picnicking site…you know what, they just started to drink and eat and be merry at Shirou's place, the assholes. So, yeah, everybody's listening to this exchange with varying degrees of amusement and/or resentment.

Everybody is, you know, everybody who matters. Like, you know, not Vice. Who cares about Vice, anyway.

"Vita, why do you know where I keep the coriander?" He reworded the question in a considerably more frightening (to him) manner. "Do you know where I put everything in my kitchen?"

"It would be weirder if I didn't, what with all the time I spend here," Vita replied offhandedly, for her full attention was on her culinary work.

Shirou honestly did not know what to make of that answer. As if to clean himself of terrifying thoughts, he looked in the direction of the younger generation, the panacea for his troubled soul. His adorable Vivio was playing with Arf, Einhard and her schoolmates using a magic-propelled Frisbee-like thingy. It made for great exercise, that Shirou knew from personal experience. If only their jumping around did not result in so many pantyshots…

"Hey, Shirou…" Vita said in an unusually quiet tone. That was enough to trigger an alarm. Heck, Hayate had suddenly perked up and currently watched the back of Vita's head like a hawk gazing upon her target from the sky. How scary was that!?

Nanoha acted like she was not paying attention, but the way her right hand nervously fiddled with Raising Heart told Shirou better. Fate, bless her eternally innocent soul, was playing Twister with—

"Oi! What kind of pose are you making her do, you two!?"

"Tch." Zafira.

"Tch." Caren Ortensia.

"Shirooooou!" A whiny call for attention. This was obviously important for Vita; it would do no good to ignore her any longer.

"What is it?"

"You know…Shirou, my seiyuu got married."

Silence. A deathly silence, like the stillness after a battle or the hollowness following one of Nanoha's dedicated bombardments.

What the heeeeeeeeeeeell!?

That was Shirou. Yeah, seriously. Not even Orimura Ichika would fail to notice the dark, heavy atmosphere which all of a sudden pervaded the place. Even the younger girls outside had stopped their games, although why Vivio was wearing that shit-eating, all-too-similar-to-Vita's grin on her face was beyond him.

Shirou felt he had to be careful. He would have to become a Buddha to navigate through these forgathering storm clouds of estrogen.

"…huh?"

Yeaaaaaah, that wasn't good.

Well, acknowledging one's mistake is the first step. Do your best, Emiya Shirou!

"I said, my seiyuu got married, Shirou," Vita repeated calmly while stirring her soup. She then reached for a petite dish to get a taste of her work. "…more salt."

"Uh…huh. That's…that's great! Yeah!" Shirou lamely replied. "Well, congratulations to Sanada-san, I'd say, yeah."

Slowly, very slowly, Vita turned to stare at Shirou.

"Shirou, my seiyuu got married."

Shirou blinked.

"…uh, yes, you already said that."

Vita closed her eyes. In her mind, she counted to three before opening them one more time.

"Doesn't that…make you think of anything…?"

"Hmm…that…Sanada-san…must be feeling very happy now…?"

Vita stared at the man for several seconds before letting her eyes drift over their audience. She promptly ignored Hayate's hawk-like stare and the looks of something resembling pity on Yuuno's, Rin's and Zafira's faces. Caren…was pulling out popcorn from…some…where.

Back to Shirou.

"Shirou, my seiyuu got married. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink."

Shirou blinked again. He was enlightened, a supernova; an object of nigh-infinite denseness, impervious to any and all influence.

"Uhh…you lost me there."

"Goddammit, Shirou!" Vita finally shouted, losing her patience and throwing a cleaning cloth to the ground. "I said 'nudge, nudge; wink, wink', damn it! How dense can you be!?"

Shirou…blinked. Again.

Then his eyes widened.

"Oooo~OOOOOO~oooohhh…" His voice swayed awkwardly as he made an obviously fake sound of realization. "Right, right…I think I got it…"

Vita frowned. Shirou had turned to look at Hayate.

"Hayate! Your knight doesn't want to end a spinster~!"

"I'll fucking hammer you!"

"None of my business~" The Mistress of the Night Sky gleefully replied.

"Damn it, Hayate!"

"Alright, alright, I get it…" Shirou actually tried to sound conciliating, but Vita was pouting by this point and the others were just wondering what he was up to. "So, marriage huh…"

His shoulders sagged for a moment when he sighed rather loudly.

"Oh well, I guess the issue would come up sooner or later. Might as well get it over with."

Many eyes widened at those words. He could not possibly mean…?

A few of the present gasped when Shirou began to walk…towards Caren. The priestess put aside the Twister spinner board and let her hands rest on her lap. While she gave the appearance of calmness, she was a little taken aback by Shirou's unexpected actions.

The quietest gasp escaped her pretty lips when Shirou dropped to one knee in front of her.

"Heheh…" The redhead chuckled lamely. "I really should have done this years ago."

Caren felt like hitting herself. Why the hell was her heart beating so quickly? He couldn't possibly…this could not be happening…!

"Eh…? Eh…?" Fate was more than a little out of it, while Nanoha was having a little trouble pushing Hayate's jaw back up.

Vita…Vita looked like the world was collapsing under her feet.

"Caren Ortensia…" Shirou called. His voice and expression wore the seriousness that made young ladies all over the Administrated Worlds get hot and flustered.

"Eh…? Ye-yes…?"

"Caren, would you…"

"Uh, uhh…"

"No…" Vita whispered, so weakly nobody could have heard it.

"Would you…accept Vita as a nun in your church?"

Silence.

Silence that could be cut with a dull knife.

Hearts beat at the whim of swirling emotions quickly on the rise. Some of them light, some of them very, very dark.

"Pfft!" That was Yuuno, breaking the silence with an uncontainable snort. And that was the drop that broke the dam. Yuuno, Chrono, Rin and Zafira broke into uncontrollable laughter.

Caren chuckled. Yes, this is the kind of person she is. Nobody would ever know that, for a moment, her heart swayed.

"I submit. You got me good, Emiya Shirou."

Shirou grinned and bowed courteously, acknowledging and appreciating the praise.

"You still don't have triggered enough flags with me, though."

"Not interested," Shirou quickly retorted, a second before he was almost tackled to the ground by Hayate.

"Sheesh, Shirou! You really scared me!"

The contract mage chuckled at the thought.

"Now, now, Hayate…me and Caren? What could possibly make you think—"

"Graf Eisen."

"Explosion!"

"—aaaaaaand I think I should start running now."

Wise man, Emiya Shirou.

And this, the man of the house left his guests alone while he dashed for his life, chased by a furious loli with a really, really mean hammer.

"Did that Emiya Shirou just pulled a fast one on me and Vita?" Caren mused, feeling all the more amused while she allowed herself to ease back on her seat.

"Hey, it had to happen someday," Chrono replied. "He's always retorting to the antics of you two; he might as well score one on you for a change."

"Schwalbefliegen!"

"Waaaah! Vi-Vita-sama, please spare me!"

"No mercy for the wicked!"

"Wha—whoa! Alright, alright, let's solve this like adults!"

Vita suddenly stopped in mid-chase. She looked surprised…and perhaps more than a little pleased.

"Shirou, are you suggesting angry sex followed by reconciliation sex?"

"How did you even get that ide—THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!"


Avalon, by Daneel Rush

Originally posted on June 16th, 2013


"Sometimes I wonder if this is karma for all the monstrous things we did before," Vita of the Wolkenritter mused while watching a disgusting scene. "I mean, Hayate becoming out mistress."

The aforementioned Yagami Hayate…was sparkling.

Her eyes, they sparkled with life and joy as they gazed at the object hanging from her outstretched fingers. As if witnessing the majesty of God itself, Hayate admired the piece of clothing with something resembling worship.

"But, really…" the red-haired knight continued. "Did we do something so atrocious to deserve…well, this?"

Signum and Zafira in his animal form watched dejectedly. Their mistress' 'kira~ ' expression should by all means bring them happiness, but…this time that would be asking for too much. Even Shamal, who could not watch from her place in the kitchen as she washed dishes, sighed lamely while a distance away.

Reinforce Zwei shined by her absence.

"Hayate, really…" Vita mumbled bitterly while glancing at the inappropriate object between her mistress' hands. She was probably blushing a bit as well. "Can you spare us this embarrassment, please?"

"Bu-but, Vita!" An overly excited Kansai girl exclaimed, moving the thing until it covered most of Vita's field of view. "Look at this!"

"Waaaaah! Wa-wa-wa-wa—do-do—don't just shove it on my face! Gross!"

"I…I longed for this…! For the longest, I wanted this…!"

"Aren't you embarrassed by your own words!?"

Hayate pulled her arms to herself and hugged her treasure most fiercely. Vita almost gagged.

"These… my Everdistant Utopia (read as: Shirou's Briefs)!"

"Don't disguise your perversion behind cool names!"

"Here," Hayate presented the undergarments to her small knight. "Because I'm so nice, I'll let you smell them first."

"Ne, Signum…" A Vita with murderous eyes glanced to the general of the Wolkenritter. "I can punch this person, right? Right?"

Signum, who had already buried her face in her open right hand, only shook her head very slowly, wordlessly saying "please don't."

Holding back on the things she really wanted to say and the things she really wanted to do, Vita addressed her mistress one more time.

"…I'll pass."

"Your loss!" A happy Hayate replied, clearly pleased that Vita wouldn't take the first…you know. "Suu…haa…suu…haa…"

"And she just goes and does it…" the grimacing Vita commented on Hayate's public boxer sniffing.

"Puaah…" Yagami Hayate looked like a woman under the effect of powerful hallucinogens. "Happiness~"

Nobody was moved by Hayate's 'Fuwa Fuwa Time'. Zafira had chosen to look at the beautiful world outside the windows.

"You can't look any more disgusting that this, 'mistress'."

"Rero-rero-rero-rero~"

"Don't just go and prove me wrong!" Vita retorted.

"Rero-rero-rero—slurp~"

"Stop licking them!" Vita yelled with obvious anger, but did not dare stretch her hand to take the boxers off the shameless pilferer.

The door to the large living door was violently opened, revealing a young man in clad in only a clean and wet white towel. Just to make things clear, Shirou had been invited to stay over that evening not by Hayate, but by his close friends Vita and Zafira—they had planned to play cards and perhaps enjoying some light betting over drinks; well, Vita and Zafira would do all the drinking.

This was perhaps the reason Vita was so bothered by Hayate's perversion this particular day: say whatever you want about the youngest and most rambunctious of the Wolkenritter, she still wanted to the act like a proper host to her guest.

Shirou, looking not particularly amused by the sight of his underwear in Hayate's hands, allowed his right eyebrow to twitch a few times. Certainly, the sight of Hayate's tongue frozen in mid-lick did not help matters much.

Stepping into the living room with little care for his almost-total nudity—there were only soldiers, medics, and Hayate present anyway—Shirou stomped her way to the seats, and loomed over Hayate from behind the couch, looking down at his friend with a glare that could melt precious metals.

Shirou's utter silence unnerved Hayate to the point that she began to sweat and looked between the man she loved and the treasure in her hands while wondering if perhaps, just perhaps, this time she might have gone a bit too far.

"Shi-Shirou!" She squeaked. "This…this, it's not what it looks like!"

Shirou's eyebrow reached almost as high as his forehead.

"It's…it's, it's f-fo, for…"

She looked at her precious knights, who either averted their gazes or watched even more intently, urging her to show them how she intended to get out of this one.

"It's not what you think! It's for a…a…for a Little League tournament!"

Shirou twitched one more time.

"Tournament of what?"

Hayate's eyes glowed excitedly. Really, this person is beyond hopeless.

"Masturbation."

Biting her tongue when Shirou's fist fell on the crown of her head like divine punishment was the very least she deserved.

Saying no other word and completely ignoring the moaning and babbling Hayate, Shirou harshly retrieved his missing boxers and returned whence he came to get dressed after his evening bath.

"Awuh…Jiwoh…"

Vita could only shake her head at her hopeless mistress.

"Your just desserts; nothing less."

However, Hayate looked surprisingly upbeat for one who just got intensely glared by her love interest.

"Wiinfoth."

"Yes, Meister!" A perhaps-awkwardly cheery Reinforce appeared out of…somewhere.

"How did you even get that…?" Vita mumbled, referring to Hayate's muddled speech.

"Reinforce," Hayate repeated, her proper voice restored even over the swelling of her tongue. "Did you get that?"

"Yes!" Rein exclaimed a little too loudly. "Everything was on camera!"

"Iyaaaan, towel-clad Shirou, banzai!" The depths of Hayate's strategy (read as: hopelessness) revealed, Hayate giggled at the reward she was soon to enjoy. "Uhehehehehehe~" Her eyes shot wide open. "Oh crap, I'm drooling!"

Vita could only watch with disgust how the Mistress of the Night Sky slurped a line of saliva back inside her mouth.

"Right!" Hayate finally declared while standing up. "Rein, copy everything to my bedroom terminal! Don't bother me unless it's…dunno, the God of Lost Logias or something."

The Wolkenritter and the Unison Device watched their mistress skipping her way out of the living room, and together released a long sigh the moment she was gone.

"You have it tough, Rein," Vita commented, and the little girl could only laugh uncomfortably at being used as a peeping cam.

"So!" The smallest of the Cloud Knights announced. "Who's up to losing the memories of the last five or so minutes?"

"With alcohol?" Zafira suggested—no, pleaded, and Vita nodded firmly at that.

"With lots of alcohol."

Four hands were raised.

While the other three Wolkenritter stared at a blushing Signum with mixed shock and admiration, Reinforce Zwei looked down at her feet in a bit of a slump.

She was not allowed to drink away her shame with liquor, after all.


Shirou's Birthday Challenge, by harouki

Originally posted on May 31st, 2013


"Happy Birthday, Shirou!" Hayate shouted, somehow popping up from behind Shirou without him noticing.

"O-oh, thank you, Hayate," the red-head replied, trying to calm down his beating heart.

"You know, it was a really hard coming up with a present to give you," Hayate said, crossing her arms over her chest and nodding sagely. "I suspect the others are having a lot of trouble thinking of a gift too."

"Is that so? I don't really mind what I get though."

"And that is the problem! Because you have nothing in mind for a gift, it makes it hard to shop for you!"

"Really?"

"Really! Really really really hard!"

"Why did you add three more 'really's?'"

"Ah...I jumped the gun on that one..."

Shirou could only tilted his head in confusion.

"A-anyway..." Hayate said as she coughed into her hand. "I spent a long time thinking about what to get you. It had to be a gift that's less about the gift itself and more about the thoughts and situation behind the gift and during the giving of the gift."

"I don't think you needed that much thought into it," Shirou began, but Hayate was already in monologue mode and nothing was going to stop her.

"That's right...I needed a gift that would let you always think of this moment from here on out!"

"Okay...?"

"That is why I'm giving you a Vita!" Hayate declared loudly as she swung her finger in front of his face.

...

...

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Shirou all but shouted as he stared, cross-eyed, at her finger.

"Yes yes, I expected that reaction," Hayate nodded sagely again. "It's an expensive gift after all and one that has a zero percent chance of being duplicated."

"W-wait a moment, Hayate! I can't just..."

"It's a gift, Emiya Shirou!" Hayate shouted, thrusting her finger at his face again. "So you have no choice to accept it! It will be rude to turn it down."

"I...but...Vita's..."

"I remember you always stealing glances whenever we go for a walk into town," Hayate replied. "Of course, I expect you to play with your gift, for at least one hour every day. I've even bought you some games to go with it. Well...more like it came with the bundle."

"P-play!? What exactly...!?"

"As such, here you go!"

Emiya Shirou blinked as Hayate thrust a box wrapped with a white bow into his arms.

A brand new Playstation Vita.

"This...is a portable game console?" Shirou asked stupidly.

"Of course," Hayate nodded. "Didn't you always look at the poster at the game store whenever we pass by it? I thought you wanted one."

"Ah..." he mumbled as he looked down at the game console.

That was because he always felt amused at the name...

"W-well...thank you for..." he began as he looked back up at Hayate's face, only to see the biggest shit-eating-grin to ever exist plastered all over it.

"You were thinking of something different, weren't you, Shirou?" she asked, her grin not dropping for an instant as she leaned in closer to his face.

"N-no," Shirou stammered out as he turned his head to the side. "No I wasn't..."

"Look me in the eye as you say that, Shirou-kun~"

"I wasn't..."

"You'll always remember this moment, won't you Shirou~"

"I won't..."

As Hayate opened her mouth to tease him further, Shirou was saved by someone calling out his name.

"Shirouuuuuuuuuuu! I got you a present!"

Vita.

The red knight burst into the room, only to stop as she saw the Playstation Vita in his hands. She then looked down at the gift in her own hands. Then, at her Mistress.

"Nooooooooooo!" she shouted as she tossed the box in her hands on the couch. "That was supposed to be MY joke!"

A Playstation Vita.


Shirou Ships NanoFate?, by Heroslayer

Originally posted on September 21st, 2012


It all started with a book. It had been idle curiosity that had Emiya Shirou pick it up.

In hindsight, he really should have known better. The book was lying next to one Yagami Hayate's desk and he should have put it back on her desk and walked away.

But Shirou was nothing if not curious. So he picked it up and gave it a look over.

It was a Shoujo manga judging from the flowery title and art style. He wondered idly if Nanoha read this kind of thing too and started to flip through it. A few pages in his eyebrows were raised and in another few pages Shirou was down right baffled.

The story was not really that important, but the main purpose of the manga was to tell the story of a forbidden romance. It even said so in the beginning narrative. Shirou had expected something like a student and a teacher, a family feud, or even a love triangle. He wasn't expecting to read about two high school girls slowly and awkwardly going through a romance.

Why in the world was Hayate reading something like this?

(The answer to that question laid in the later volumes where the two main characters, ahem, take the next step in their relationship.

Yes, we know. Hayate is a bit of a pervert).

Shirou tossed the book back into Hayate's desk and finished his cleaning duty. He had rushed home and did his best to forget about the book's existence.

Shirou could not stop thinking about the two girls in the manga he found.

Not that way you perverts.

There was something familiar about the way the two girls acted in the earlier parts of the manga. The looks of longing, the sidelong looks when the target of their affections was talking to another person and other little hints the mangaka gave to show that both characters liked each other.

Shirou had volunteered to help out at the Midoriya while Kyouya was out of town for business. The family had even managed to convince him to stay at their house while he worked for them.

Nanoha had been excited to be spending more time with Shirou and dragged him out of the classroom before he could be distracted by some random student's comments about needing help with a problem.

Shirou complained lightly as the surprisingly strong girl (was she using magic to boost her strength?) was pulling him along.

He saw Alisa and Suzuka gave him that same amused look when Nanoha managed to make him do something. Hayate was giggling at their antics and most likely mocking him in her conversation with Fate.

Fate, however, was not listening to Hayate and was starting rather intently towards them with an odd look on her face.

It almost looked like she was upset.

It was all starting to become clear to Shirou. The pieces slowly started to come together one by one.

Shirou was getting lessons again. His grades had taken a dip after his last mission put him out of school for a week and a half and Shirou was struggling to catch back up.

Thankfully his friends were there to help tutor him.

At first Alisa had been the one to tutor him. Except the blonde girl was pretty easily frustrated and that fell apart pretty quickly. Yuuno had taken over for a day before they realized that other than Math, the boy could not really help Shirou at all since their education was so different.

Finally Fate tried her hand at teaching Shirou. Other than English where the both of them struggled with, she was able to get Shirou's grades back to average and after a little bit of time above average.

So she became his go to tutor.

Shirou sighed lightly as he finished up another worksheet of practice problems and passed it to Fate to look over. He winced lightly as the girl diligently marked his answers with a red pen.

Not wanting to see how badly he had messed up, he turned his eyes to the rest of the room.

They had all met at his house to study. He and Fate were seated on the couch while the rest of the group were just in the other room studying at the table.

Everyone seemed to be enraptured with whatever story Hayate was telling. Shirou watched the wild gestures that the girl made and deduced that Vita had once again done something to amuse her master.

Huh.

That's odd.

Everyone seemed to be focused on Hayate, but Nanoha turned over towards them for a moment. Her eyes caught Shirou's and she turned away with a blush on her face. Shirou blinked a bit and looked back over at Fate.

The girl was staring intently at the piece of paper and was biting the back of her pencil. She had a light smile on her face that told Shirou that he had not done as bad as he had thought. It was a rather picturesque sight.

Shirou had been confused by the blush but it was obvious what caused it now.

Fate's jealousy when Nanoha dragged him off, Nanoha's blushes and looks of longing when Fate was privately tutoring him.

They had feelings for each other!

Shirou paused for a moment as the world seemed to shake. Not literally, but figuratively, as the entire population of Uminari City as well as all of those on the Arthra orbiting Earth facefaulted for reasons unknown.

Hmm, it seems that neither one of them had taken that step yet to admit their feelings. Probably because they were afraid of rejection or ruining their friendship.

He had to show them that their feelings were mutual!

Shirou blinked as he wondered how in the world he was going to do that. It was not like he was a master of relationships.

He would need help.

But who would help him in such an endeavor?


Yuuno stared at Shirou for a moment and then glanced at the book in his hands.

"Shirou." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts before shaking his head. Simple would be best. "You're an idiot."

"But-" Yuuno interrupted his friend with a raised palm.

"You're an idiot. Seriously, just drop it."

Shirou watched as Yuuno walked back into the Infinite Library muttering about new limits to denseness and wondered if his friend was being overworked.

How could the study of new material be more important than his friends?

Then again, maybe this new dense material would be light enough for his armor.

Shirou shook his head. No time for distractions. He would need to get help from others then.


"No."

Shirou hadn't even opened his mouth yet before Chrono said his answer. Heck, he hadn't even left the doorway.

"B-"

"The ferret already told me." Chrono paused for a moment to glare at Shirou with the anger of a protective older brother and resisted the urge to hospitalize him. "You're an idiot."

"Why do people keep saying that?" Lindy-san and Amy-san had told him the same thing after his theory. Well, after laughing themselves sick they said that.

Chrono just waved Shirou off and went back to work.


"So there is nobody to help me." Shirou clenched his fist tightly as he epically stared defiantly into the horizon.

"Hey, you didn't even ask me to help?" Shirou's last childhood friend who was not busy with a mission at the moment complained.

That's because you're a pervert Hayate-chan. You'll only make this situation worse.

Shirou nodded lightly before realizing that he shouldn't be reacting to the narrator and continued his epic stare down with destiny.

"Mou, Shirou you already broke the fourth wall, the least you could do is defend your friend from the evil narrator."

Evil? How am I evil?

"What happened to there is no pairings?" Hayate smirked triumphantly as she deflected the question.

This is a snippet not in the actual continuity. Not to mention, all of you are like fourteen here. I can see a relationship starting at fourteen.

"Oh then I reques-"

Denied.

"Hey, at least listen to the request!"

Never, now back to Shirou.

Shirou realizing the fourth wall moment was over nodded and restarted his epic speech. "Right, where was I?"

"Damnit, I want my relationship with Shirou!"

Ignoring Hayate who was oddly yelling at thin air, Shirou continued his speech. "Oh that's right. I'll make sure that Nanoha and Fate are together even if I have to work alone."

"I'm right here to help you Shirou."

Shirou stared blankly at Hayate for a moment. "Hayate, how are you going to help at all?"

Hayate huffed before moving right into Shirou's face. "Oh, I didn't know that you were such an expert on relationship Shirou." She cooed mockingly at her friend.

"What's your plan?"

"Ah… uh…er..." Shirou forgot about that part. He needed to plan something for this, didn't he?

"That's right, you have none. Face it Shirou, you're good at fighting and helping people with straight up problems. But you know nothing of relationships or dates or anything like this." Shirou slumped down in depression. That was because he thought saving people was about beating up bad guys. Years of Tokusatsu shows couldn't had lied to him.

"Don't worry about it Shirou. Just leave it to your friend Hayate-chan." She reassured him while patting his shoulder. "I'll help you out and it'll only cost you a single favor."

Shirou smiled brightly. "Really, that would be great. I can do any favor if it means that Nanoha and Fate will be happy. I really messed things up."

Hayate turned away from Shirou's celebration to hide her evil smile. This was going to be so much fun! And she managed to wrangle a favor out of Shirou!

Sigh. I warned him.


Shirou's Birthday Challenge, by Old Iron

Originally posted on June 1st, 2013


Emiya Shirou is a strange existence. The fact he is a young man with rapidly whitening hair does not make him strange. There are plenty of people who have had their hair go white at a young age. His eyes are hardly abnormal either. Amber wasn't exactly an odd coloration, even if you notice his are far closer to being outright gold of the molten variety.

Thus far Emiya Shirou is hardly even reaching into exceptional.

The fact he is a magus... One could argue made him strange or unusual. But then one realizes his best and closest friends, and hopeful paramours in a great many cases, are all magic users of one form or another. Plus, they all lived on a planet where magic was commonplace and nearly all of them worked for an inter-dimensional police force.

So much for that particular card making him stand out. Why must you be so difficult young man?

Now... Now we finally discover what it is that makes Shirou a strange existence. It is not the fact he is made of swords. Nor the fact he is a walking armory holding within him every single blade of mundane, supernatural, and preternatural nature his has ever laid eyes upon.

No, what makes him strange is how he sees the world. The value he places on things and the fact many of these values override not only many forms of common sense, but also basic survival instincts. His idea of wanting is so different to others owing to how deeply ingrained it is upon his twisted soul. There is only one thing he has ever truly desired.

Emiya Shirou has only ever truly desired the happiness of others. Desired that they should be saved.

How do you pick a gift for someone who would see a gifted tie, a book, an amusing bauble or trinket as something to be accepted but not truly thankful and appreciative for? Would anything truly ever be of value to him were it not the happiness of another?

One could certainly try to find such a gift. Such effort and thoughtfulness is to be commended as finding a gift for one who wishes for nothing is a task even Hercules would balk at.

It was such a scenario a certain young woman felt running through her head as she approached the birthday celebrity with a heavy box in her hands. It was not the first time such thoughts had reverberated through her mind. In fact, she felt them each and every year since she had gained the chance to truly know Emiya Shirou. In some cases, she wondered the answer even if there was no occasion or reason to seek out a gift.

She saw the smile on his face and others as they enjoyed themselves in celebration. The smile on her face was not strained, so much as it was worried. Had she made the right choice? Would this backfire so splendidly as to cause harm? She had been pondering disastrous results ever since she laid eyes upon the items held fast within the box. But somewhere in he heart... she knew he should have them.

Vita had taken up residence on Shirou's lap and refused to move. It was a sight both adorable and slightly worrisome to her. The relationship those two have couldn't be put into proper words and more than once she feared certain action might be taken and they would lose the young man to the wiles of the redheaded hammer knight.

Shaking her head, she drove away those thoughts. Not now. She didn't have the will to deal with such a potentially outrageous scenario.

It was hard enough to contemplate the reaction of the young man who would receive her gift. And all the numerous ways it could potentially fall to disaster.

Only one other person knew of her gifts. And said person was not present owing to an unfortunate matter in his own life. She really would have liked to have the support, but she would have to make due.

Straightening her back, Fate T. Harlaown walked up to Emiya Shirou and presented the box to him with a great deal of care and a bow with no small amount of hesitation. "H-Happy Birthday, Shirou. It... It isn't a tie or anything like that, but it's something I think someone would have liked you to have..." Her voice tried to come out strongly, but her nervousness turned it into something weaker and almost fearful.

All eyes were on them now. Even Vita had dropped her playful and amused demeanor when she saw how Fate had presented her gift. The contents of that box were no small thing. Were it a more standard or even Hayate influenced gift, the blond would have been far less nervous. Horribly embarrassed and blushing something terrible, but not nervous. Not like this.

Even Shirou was able to pick up on it and accepted the box without hesitation. Yet there was also no trace of the fun mood from before in his action. It seemed... Too serious for that. Still, he smiled in acceptance. "Thank you, Fate."

There was a moment of silence before he looked down at the carefully wrapped gift box. It was of a single color: gold. And upon it were no embellishments nor bows nor ribbons. Only a single tag which proclaimed 'For Shirou' in Fate's flowing, script-like handwriting.

Carefully, Shirou broke the tape holding one end closed and gingerly removed the wrapping paper as one whole piece. He would not tear off the confinement so rashly or in a mood of enthusiasm. To do so seemed wholly inappropriate. As though it would inflict some sort of wound upon the gift.

From the golden paper he withdrew a box. It was... old and tattered. How Fate had managed to hide the state of it within such pristine paper was a mystery, but one he could ponder later. It was also heavy. Very heavy. Heavier than one would expect for something of this size. But it was not just the mass of the box. Emiya Shirou could feel something from what lay within. A weight which could not be placed upon an object by the mere force of gravity.

"Fate, what is...?" His cut off as the woman shook her head.

"...Open it. Please."

And he did so.

Within the battered old box, the same box Fate had originally found the items in, was newspaper. Lots an lots of newspaper. They were bundled up as padding to protect what appeared to be a single, dark colored wooden box. Shirou reached inside and gingery removed the box as silently as possible. Only the rustle of paper made any sound in the now deathly quiet room.

His golden gaze looked up to Fate's own ruby and she nodded.

Shirou opened the box and a collective gasp ran through the gathered party.

There were rings in that box. Two simple golden rings.

It was only the raised hand of Vita which halted any sort of outburst at the notion of what Fate had just given to Shirou. Combined with the expression of absolute understanding on her face, Vita of the Wolkenritter cut a figure more imposing than even her own family would have though possible.

Come Hell or high water, the Iron Hammer Knight would not allow this moment to be interrupted.

"Fate... How did you?" The shock was so plainly evident in Shirou's voice and expression that it was almost painful to see.

She shook her head and gave a sorrowful smile, a tear falling down her cheek. "Even he wasn't alone, Shirou."

Emiya Shirou looked down at the two rings held within the box and felt no small amount of emotion swell up within him. How could he not? Distorted and warped as he may be, he was still human. And humans are creatures of emotion.

A small sob escaped the young man's lips as he looked at the rings.

Engraved upon each golden band were two names. Though only one was familiar to him, he knew the other name was just as important.

Emiya Kiritsugu

Irisviel von Einzbern


Sirius, by teknofan

Originally posted on December 23rd, 2013


London, England: 3:28PM One week after first encounter with the Wolkenritter.

London, capital of Great Britain, the home of Buckingham Palace, big Ben, and other landmarks that have no real bearing on the plot of this snippet but are worth mentioning anyway. It is on this bright yet slightly chilly afternoon that we see two people walking along the crowded streets towards a yet to be named destination.

One is a man with coal-black hair, a wrinkled black long coat, an unshaven and tired looking face, and a bit of a disheveled look about him. His companion was a woman with vibrant aqua green hair in a ponytail, a simple Blue-black blouse and skirt, an odd symbol on her forehead which consisted of four dots in a diamond shaped pattern, and an air of cheerfulness. The two were as diametrically opposite as black and white, and as you forumites have probably already guessed their names were Kiritsugu Emiya and Lindy Harloawn respectively.

"Soooooo, are we there yet?" Lindy chirped.

"No." Kiritsugu replied.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Kiritsugu growled

The pair grew silent for a few minutes.

"...are you sure we're not ther-"

"No, I mean yes!" Kiritsugu half-growled and half-shouted with a small yet distinct vein bulging out of his forehead.

It should be noted that 'Admiral' Lindy Harlaown, Captain of the TSAB ship 'Asura', and the duly appointed representative of the TSAB has a bit of a childish sense of humour which grated on the nerves of even the usually easy-going Kiritsugu. Kiritsugu was starting to crave a smoke at this point.

"But all joking aside," Lindy giggled. "Wouldn't it have been easier to just port directly in front of your contact's residence? I mean we could of easily opened a small barrier remotely in front of-"

"And as I have said before," Kiritsugu interrupted. "If we were to suddenly appear without crossing through the field the normal way then there is a very good chance it might not end well for us."

"Well I know I may not look it," Lindy coolly replied. "But I am pretty capable in a fight."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, not against him at least," Kiritsugu reasoned. "Besides, we're here."

Lindy looked over to where Kiritsugu casually pointed to a rather indistinct alleyway not 10 meters ahead of them. At first glance there wasn't anything remarkable about said passageway between two buildings except for the fact that several passing pedestrians had a tendency to make a subtle berth around the mouth of said passage.

As Lindy wordlessly followed Kiritsugu through the threshold she felt a strange chill run up and down her spine, it lasted for a moment before it stopped just as suddenly as it began.

"Hey was that a..."Lindy exclaimed.

"A bounded field?" Kiritsugu cutted in. "Yes it was, it helps deter normal people from wandering around here."

Once again Lindy was reminded of the strange kind of magic that earth mages used. Judging from what she learned from the man walking through the dingy and garbage-strewn alleyway ahead of her, earth-type magic (or magecraft as the locals preferred) was much more costly, more inefficient, less versatile and even more dangerous than the standard Mid-Childan style or any other documented style used by the TSAB.

Lindy was broken from further musing when Kiritsugu stopped at the fourth door they passed, and proceeded to knock on it five times. Moments later the door opened with a loud creak as a a woman with red and graying hair done up in a bun appeared.

"Yes," she answered while revealing blackened teeth that made Lindy inwardly cringe.

"I'm here to see Sirius," Kiritsugu replied. "Tell him that Natalia's boy is here to see him."

The woman looked them both over critically before nodding and going back inside while closing the door behind her. While the pair waited, Lindy turned toward Kiritsugu.

"Anything else I should know about your contact?" Lindy asked.

"Well he does have a tendency to be a little...abrasive"

Before Lindy could ask further the door suddenly opened and she found herself looking up at what could only be described as a giant. The man who practically filled the entire doorway was nearly seven feet tall, with arms and legs as thick as tree limbs, wore blue coveralls over a white shirt that were covered in soot stains, scraggly graying red hair that was done in a ponytail, and a wrinkled face that looked more like cracked up leather.

This was Sirius McGinty the Mystic Code crafter.

"Ah," Lindy began. "Hello sir we're..."

"So," Sirius gruffly interrupted with a thick accent. "Here yah are after five years without a singl' peep and now yah show up out of the fuckin' blue just so you can give mah moor work? Don't expect mah to be so obligin' even if you did bring a hooker as a peace offerin'."

"I beg your pardon," Lindy said with a distinct twitch of her eyebrow.

"Sirius," Kiritsugu quickly interjected. "She's not a prostitute, she is here on business and you might want to hear what she has to say."

Sirius took a long look at both Kiritsugu and Lindy for a few moments before coming to a decision in his mind.

"Ah'right come on in lad," Sirius stated. "Yah look like shit by the way, OI SHELLY BREW US SOME TEA WHY DONCHA!"

As Kiritsugu and Lindy followed the bellowing mammoth-of-a-man Lindy inwardly began to wonder if this was a good idea.


Servant S..., by Old Iron

Originally posted on December 9th, 2011


The Grail War was coming. Nothing would stop it.

As Tohsaka Rin set about completing the magic circle she hoped would grant her the strongest Servant of all, only to ultimately draw upon one of the manliest instead, another group was preparing to deal with the onset of the magical war.

It was not by choice that Emiya Shirou was standing in the shed of his home, staring at a magical sigil laid out beneath him. A few days ago, the symbol had appeared and only seemed to grow stronger by the day. Upon discovering it, Shamal had begun looking through Kiritsugu's possessions, seeking any proper clue as to what it could be. Reinforce would have done so as well, but lacked the capacity at this time.

After a few days of work, they had found something. It was not much, but enough to point them in the correct direction. Shirou's encounter with a strange little girl had helped out as well.

Now, on the eve of the last peaceful day that any of them would see for a time, Shirou was completing the summoning of the individual who would bring their gathering into the Holy Grail War. He would complete this summoning of a Servant, and with their help and that of his closest friends and companions, he would put an end to this war with the absolute minimum number of casualties.

The entire Wolkenritter stood by. Their postures were tensed, ready for action should something go wrong.

"Here goes," muttered Shirou as he flared his magic, pouring mana into the symbol below. It glowed ever brighter as the connection between Master and Servant was established. The young man could feel the drain imposed upon his circuits as it occurred. Now all that remained for the world was the formation of the Servant's body.

"Is this really a good idea?" questioned Vita to Zafira.

"At the very least, we'll have one of them on our side," the older man replied evenly.

The summoning of a Servant takes into account a great many things. Reagents, catalysts, the quantity and type of mana, all the way down to the summoner's soul. In the previous war, Kiritsugu had made use of the sacred sheath, Avalon, to call upon Arturia Pendragon. That sheath lay within the body of Emiya Shirou now. In nearly all cases, such a powerful artifact would be enough to guarantee the calling upon of such a specific legend.

Still, there are some things, tiny things, that can change the course of history. Unbeknownst to all, there was another catalyst beyond the mighty sheath present within the magic circle. A mundane thing like iron filings should not have been enough to alter the fate penned by Akasha. But it was.

Only moments after Shirou felt some kind of connection establish itself did a body begin to form. A gasp of shock escaped the lips of nearly all present. The redheaded young man had indeed called upon a legend.

She opened her eyes to take in her surroundings, before locking gazes with the male standing within her summoning circle. She kneeled before him, showing the proper custom a Knight would show their liege and spoke, "I ask of you, are you my Master?" It was formal, stoic, and filled with power.

Silence reigned as Shirou nodded slowly, still trying to comprehend what he was seeing even as the three command seals burned themselves into his circuits and flesh.

"Then the contract is complete. I, Servant Saber, shall be your sword and your shield, Master." With that, she stood to her full, impressive height, and spoke almost warmly, "It has been far too long, Shirou."

Shirou had no response to give, too shocked was he.

Saber looked around before locking eyes with one member of the gathering who seemed to have frozen in place. A wry grin graced Saber's features as Signum met gazes with Signum.


The Pains of Fatherhood, by Old Iron

Originally December 12th, 2011


"Now then, you can tell me why you two were involved in a fight today. Or..." Emiya Shirou trailed off ominously, preparing to drop the threat that he knew would get his daughters talking faster than Lancer could run, "You can tell your mothers about this." It took quite a bit to look imposing while wearing a pink apron that said 'Kiss the Cook' embroidered on it.

Vita had ordered it for him via the internet a few years back, but that was beside the point at this time.

Zwei looked rather uncomfortable beneath the weight of her father's gaze. Her adopted sister didn't seem to be faring much better either. Not even the fabled puppy dog eyes seemed to be working.

Shirou's golden eyes narrowed as he tapped his foot, arms crossed with spatula in hand, "Well..."

Hayate caved in first, "We got into an argument with two of the other girls..."

"And what kind of argument would lead a bunch of six-year olds to start a brawl?" he queried.

"Well..." Zwei took over now that Hayate had spilled the beans, "We were playing house with one of the boys in our class and we couldn't decide on who was going to be the mommy." She noted how her father's eyes immediately sharpened.

Shirou merely gestured for her to continue, mentally wondering if he could hunt down the boy and give him a good talking to without inflicting grievous mental trauma. He might have a sword somewhere in his arsenal that would do the job...

"Hayate suggested that we use the same method that Mommy uses with Auntie Signum, Aunt Vita, and Lady Avalon," confessed the ruby eyed girl, earning her a baleful look from her sister and missing the fact that her father had begun to sweat.

The brunette clarified when Shirou gave no immediate response, "We saw you all the other night. Big Sis Sigrun said that they were fighting over who got to be Mommy and who had to wait their turn." At that point, Shirou had gone nearly pale enough to match the white streaks in his hair.

"We could have won, but Fate and Nanoha teamed up on us," grumbled Zwei.

"And then the teacher got involved. She took Yuuno away and sent us to the office. Stupid Lindy..." pouted Hayate, sharing a look of agreement with Zwei.

As the scolding was derailed and the children began to plot their battleplans to secure the position of 'Mommy' to Yuuno Scrya's 'Daddy', Emiya Shirou thought three things. The first being that he was going to start going grey before he could finish going white. The second was that Sigrun would be getting a little extra allowance next week for preserving the innocent minds of her little sisters. The final thought being that he was going to put a lock on the bedroom door.


Another Servant Saber, by Old Iron

Originally posted on December 14th, 2011


There was an awkward silence enveloping the Emiya household's dining room. Upon discovering word of the fifth Grail War's beginning, Shirou had gotten himself involved so that he could help mitigate the damage likely to be caused by rampaging Servants and amoral Masters. He didn't know if he could thank Zafira enough for discovering this information.

That had naturally led to researching and ultimately summoning a Servant for the war to come. What he had summoned was not what anyone expected, particularly Shirou and Signum.

Seated at the dinner table were six individuals and one magical tome of apocalyptic power. Five of the people and the book were easily explained as being Shirou and his Wolkenritter. The sixth was more difficult to place, as she had given only her designation as a Servant.

The strongest of all Servants, warrior of the sword, Saber.

She was clad in white and blue platemail, adjusted for maximum maneuverability and appearing to be made out of a metal not forged of this world. It was not a full suit as absent were the pauldrons and spaulders. Beneath the snug looking armor was a deep purple skintight suit. Her figure was envious and her stoic features displayed considerable inner strength.

Her lack of obvious weaponry was explained away as being 'inactive' by the young woman. The most striking feature though, was the familiarly styled pink hair and striking golden eyes. Both were features that belonged to only two other people in the room, and it was obvious that everyone had made the connection.

It did not help that Saber's first actions after confirming the contract was to partially break the protocol of anonymity and greet them as 'Father' and 'Mother'.

Shamal and Zafira seemed torn between the seriousness of their family's entry into the war and laughing at the knowledge of who this Servant was. Vita was openly snickering and the Book of Darkness simply sat there, unable to voice or act on its feelings for the matter.

"So... Saber..." Shirou trailed off, not entirely certain how to go about speaking with his Servant. Or would daughter be more accurate? He wasn't quite certain.

"Yes, father?" she responded formally, though traces of daughterly affection slipped into her voice.

Shirou resisted the urge to flinch. "Erm... Why don't you tell us about yourself?" he asked lamely, causing Vita to take on a grin reminiscent of the cat that caught the canary. Signum hadn't said a word since being addressed as 'Mother' and had an empty look on her face.

Saber nodded respectfully. "As you desire. Since my legend has not yet begun, I may inform you of more than would normally would be advisable. However, I request the right to maintain secrecy in regards to the specifics of my combat ability." She spoke in almost the same manner as Signum, albeit more formally than even the General of Fire usually did.

"I think we're cool with that," Interjected Vita, grin still firmly in place. Shamal simply nodded.

"I was born to Signum and Shirou Emiya, eldest sibling to four others, and lived the majority of my early life on this world." A pregnant pause followed Saber's statement.

It was Zafira who broke it. "Is that all?"

"Yes, uncle." Crisp and to the point.

Shamal seemed slightly disappointed at the lack of juicy details. "You said that you had four younger siblings. Who are they?"

"I do not wish to disclose that information at this time." She looked at the baffled Shirou and the near catatonic Signum and bowed low from her position in seiza. "Father, mother, I have a request of you."

Signum finally managed to return to reality, an odd look on her face. "...And that would be?" There was an odd lilt in her voice. She still was not certain what to make of this situation.

Saber remained in her position as he continued, "Please conceive me with great haste. I do not wish to be born late and lose my position as eldest sister."

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Shirou and Signum's eyes rolled up and they fainted dead away. Zafira finally broke down and began laughing while Vita and Shamal had already surrendered.

As Saber hauled the two unconscious individuals over her shoulders with surprising ease, it was the Guardian Beast who managed to regain his sensibilities enough to ask a question between laughs, "W-What are you doing?"

In a tone that conveyed the feeling of 'Isn't it obvious?' to Zafira, she replied, "I am guaranteeing my existence."


One Does Not Simply Mess with Shirou's Cooking, by Old Iron

February 20th, 2012


Vita staggered into her room as the sun began creeping up over the horizon. Her entire body ached in ways she'd never thought possible. With as much grace as a falling building, the redhead collapsed onto her futon. A pained moan escaped her lips upon impact.

Her mind, awash with exhaustion, thought back to earlier in the day and the events which had led to her current state.

It was to be expected really. When she and Taiga had gotten into a fight over the last of Shirou's absolutely delectable breakfast, things had gotten rather heated. Eventually devolving into a brawl pitting the Iron Hammer Knight against the Tiger of Fuyuki; Graf Eisen versus Torashinai. Despite everyone's best efforts to halt them, they had done battle and there had been a casualty.

Even Vita was willing to admit she had gone too far in hindsight.

Still, the casualty had elicited a change in her beloved Master. Before their very eyes, all could see something in his eyes. A vicious emotion which sent chills down their spines.

As Shirou turned from the wreckage of his kitchen and the now ruined meals he had prepared for their lunch, Vita and Taiga swallowed in fear. The young man approached their frozen forms and placed a hand on their shoulders, dashing any hope of escaping. Even Signum seemed hesitant to approach her beloved Master in his current state.

His voice was husky and filled with a raw emotion none had heard from him before. "I hope you are prepared to pay the price for your transgressions." Flinty golden eyes bored deep into both Vita's and Taiga's own.

Taiga managed to regain her senses and stammer out an excuse. Vita could barely process it, but she guessed it had to do with school. It was enough to loosen Shirou's grip to the point the tiger could escape and she took the opportunity to retreat from the household.

One by one, the remaining members of the household fled, not wanting to fall victim to their deranged Master's state. Thus Vita was abandoned to her fate.

"Traitors!" she managed to shout as Signum fled. Then, the house was empty save for Vita and her Master. Vita turned her gaze to meet Shirou's own. There were myriad emotions held within those golden eyes and the diminutive redhead found herself entranced.

"I am going to show you the significance of your actions, Vita." Shirou's words were shaking her very bones. "I will engrave it upon your very soul. I am going to teach your body the weight of your crimes."

And he did teach her. For the next twenty hours, he instructed her and Vita swore she would never so much as sneeze if it meant damage to the kitchen. Even Signum and Shamal were pulled in to her instruction. For Shirou Emiya was truly ruthless. He did not stop, he did not waver. There was only the lesson to be taught to his Knights.

Vita swore her Master had eyed his favorite book halfway through the events.

Zafira had escaped immediate instruction alongside Taiga, both having fled to the latter's home upon hearing the sounds emanating from the Emiya household.

Signum had fallen hours before and Shamal had not lasted more than half of one beneath their Master's tutelage. In the end, Vita had lasted the longest and was left the broken, exhausted shell she was now.

Never again would she underestimate the time, skill, and effort Shirou put into his dishes, for he had drilled into her each and every one of them.


Caretaker Signum, by Old Iron

Originally posted on February 21st, 2012


Signum had been in the dojo, washing the hardwood floor of the building when a large and heavy object collided with the back of her head. In a flash, a shinai had been taken into her hands and she scanned the surrounding for her assailant. There was none to be found.

With a modicum of confusion, Signum looked down and saw the large tome she recognized as the book which bound her and the others to Shirou. Relaxing slightly, the Knight bent down and picked up the tome while wondering who in their right mind could have decided to use the Book of Darkness as a projectile.

The number of suspects was rather short, and Vita was at the top of the list.

After putting away the bamboo sword, Signum made her way into the house with the intent on finding out who exactly had attacked her. They would not be enjoying the scolding she had in mind.

What she found was her Master, sweating profusely and breathing in a labored manner, collapsed in the dining room. The tome was discarded rather unceremoniously as Signum ran to the fallen Shirou. There was no obvious sign of injury as she cradled his body in her arms.

"Shirou, what happened?" Signum inquired in a desperate sounding tone of voice. She placed one hand to his reddened forehead and was met with flesh far too hot to be considered healthy. "A fever? When did you..." She trailed off as she shook her head. It was not how she had missed the signs, but rather what to do now which was important.

Shamal had left the house soon after breakfast and had taken Vita with her. According to her blonde friend, they were in need of a few things around the house and Vita simply needed to get out more. The redhead had loudly disagreed. As had become habit, Zafira was out with the Fujimura woman. This left Signum all alone with their Master on this particular Sunday.

A certain magical tome would have disagreed, had it the capability to do so.

"Sig-num?" came the bleary query from the ill Shirou. His half-lidded gaze brought only a hazy image to his mind.

"Do not worry, I am here." Signum slowly placed Shirou back down on the tatami floor. "I shall prepare your bed. Please hold on in the mean time." She waited until he nodded in affirmative to leave.

It did not take long to prepare her Master's futon and soon the Sword Knight was pulling the sheets up to cover Shirou's now pajama-clad form.

Changing his clothing had been an experience in and of itself. Even though he had claimed to not be invalid to such a degree, Signum had refused his stubbornness when it was obvious he had indeed fallen to such a level. Were it possible, Shirou had turned even more red as his Knight stripped him bare to remove the sweaty clothing and replace them with a set of blue hued nightclothes. Signum ignored the flush on her own cheeks as her Master's well-being was more important at the moment.

She had left momentarily to acquire a bowl of cool water and a cloth. As Signum reentered Shirou's room, she saw the Book of Darkness resting upon his chest, open with the pages resting upon the young man. Signum blinked in confusion before ignoring the oddity in favor of Shirou's health.

As Signum knelt by her Master's bedside, he cracked open his eyes. "Sorry about this. I didn't mean to cause you trouble." There was an apologetic smile upon Shirou's face.

Signum shook her head whilst wringing out the now damp cloth. "It is no trouble. However I would prefer it if you would take better care of yourself." She took on an admonishing look. "At the very least, inform us when you are feeling ill."

Shirou chuckled somewhat weakly, causing the tome on his chest to shift a little. "I'll try." As Signum placed the cool cloth upon his forehead, relief began flowing through his body. "Still..." An embarrassed look graced his features, "I'm glad you found me and not one of the others."

"Pardon?" Signum's features expressed a slight puzzlement.

The Book of Darkness' Master coughed before replying. "Remember Shamal trying traditional remedies?"

A look of understanding crossed the Knight's face. "I do recall her attempts, particularly the ...leek incident." The blonde woman had looked far too enthusiastic in her efforts to treat their Master. Signum fought off a slight blush at the memory. "...And am uncertain if anyone could survive Vita's tender loving care." When all you have is a hammer...

Shirou would have laughed had he the energy, but his eyelids began to droop and all he managed was another small chuckle which turned into a cough.

"Rest now. I shall take care of you," Signum stated warmly, but with her usual sternness.

Shirou nodded. "Thanks..." He began to drift off to sleep with his loyal Knight at his side and his favorite tome upon his chest, granting a comforting warmth in his heart. "You're the best... both of you..."

Signum raised an eyebrow at her Master's words before glancing at the Book of Darkness. She shook her head as she smiled and continued tending to her beloved Shirou, uttering a soft word of thanks in the tome's direction.


The Setup to Misunderstanding, by Old Iron

Originally posted on February 29th, 2012


Emiya Shirou had gathered the entire family, Taiga included, to make a very important announcement. All were seated at the dinner table with varying degrees of concern. Rarely had they ever seen such a serous expression on his face. Anything involving the kitchen usually came to mind.

The gathered were not too far off the mark.

Clearing his throat, Shirou cut to the chase, "We need more money."

There was confusion at his statement and Zafira opted to speak up. "I don't understand. Last time I checked, mine and Shamal's part time jobs were sufficient. And Taiga has been supplying what she can as well." So far as he, or anyone else knew, the family finances were still rather well off.

"Perhaps I should ask for more hours at the cafe? I'm sure they wouldn't mind." Shamal's popularity at Ahnenerbe Cafe had earned her a few raises owing to the increased business. She enjoyed the work as well, though had been banned from the kitchen in short order. It wasn't her fault the coffee she'd made had attacked the customers, was it?

Before Vita, Taiga, or the spectral Reinforce could voice their concerns, Signum spoke up. "How much of a concern is our current financial state?" It was a personal point of shame she felt. Owing to her need to be within close proximity to Shirou as often as possible to act as his protector, Signum was unable to bring in any funds to the Emiya coffers. Volunteering to help at his school did not net any coin.

"They're not in trouble yet. But we're still not bringing in enough to cover the costs of all the repairs needed around the house. Not to mention, repairs can only go so far. Despite my best efforts..." A look of profound sadness crossed Shirou's features. "The stove needs to be replaced. It won't be cheap."

There was a pause before he continued. "Plus, the food bill..." Shirou ignored the looks of embarrassment upon everyone's faces and continued with a slightly abashed look. "...is rather immense, you'll have to admit."

Taiga had the decency to blush. She could tie with Vita in terms of the sheer volume of Shirou's orgasm inducing cooking she could put away. It was a point of amusement between her and Zafira on who was the better lover; The other or Shirou's cooking.

Vita was tempted to state she would try to cut back, but she honestly couldn't say the words. It didn't help when Belkan style magic ate up calories like nobody's business. She still wondered how Signum and Shamal could maintain such destructive bodies with all the fat they burned. The fact she herself put away more than either added to her dilemma.

"You... have a solution then?" queried Reinforce, sending shivers down Taiga's spine as she did so. Even if she did not need to eat, the drain it placed on Signum when they Unisoned was no small thing. Ever since they had decided on such an arrangement, the Knight of the Sword had been rapidly approaching Vita and Taiga's realm of consumption. Her inability to help out was a point of shame, much like Signum's. Though hers was mostly due to the fact her standard physical form was an ancient magical tome rather than the lack of pay from volunteering.

Shirou nodded. "I do, in fact. Which is why I called everyone here. Starting Saturday after club, I'll be working part time at the Fuyuki Central Library. I don't have many hours, but it should be enough to help out." He help up his hand to forestall the explosion of comments, "Its already decided and I won't accept any arguments. Everyone is already doing their best to help out in their own ways. I can certainly do more than cook."

Much as they wanted to argue the point where he already did plenty for them, they knew he was a stubborn man and wouldn't move from his position unless convinced otherwise. Unfortunately, none knew how to properly combat his stance here and they accepted it. At least they could knock some sense into his head later. He didn't have to try and do everything himself.

For her part, Reinforce felt as though she had been plunged into ice water at Emiya Shirou's declaration. It was not the reasons behind it, nor the stubborn manner in which he had gone about doing so.

No, it was where he was working.

A library.

A literary brothel.


Books and Blades, by Old Iron

Originally posted on June 8th, 2012


Shirou walked through the front door of his home after a long day of work. First was the morning shift at Copenhagen and then came the afternoon at the Fuyuki Main Library. It was a rather hefty workload for a high school student, but he persevered. At the very least, he had managed to secure alternating shifts during the week when he had to attend class.

"I'm home!" His announcement was met with little more than what sounded like the shuffling of fabric. A crooked eyebrow was raised in slight confusion. Usually someone was home by now. With such a large household, it was a rarity for fewer than two to be out when he came home from work. "...Is anyone home?"

Again the shuffling sound. An intruder? No. There was no way one could get in without setting off the boundary field set up around the house. Vita had probably left a window open and the wind was blowing something around.

He spied a note by the large shelf where shoes were kept, written in Shamal's flowing script. 'Zafira's gone out with Taiga and does not expect to be back till morning. Signum, Vita, and I are going to have a girl's night out and see a movie. Vita's been wanting to see this 'Lord of the Rings' for a while now and Signum was curious as well. Sorry, we won't be home for dinner. Have a good evening~'

So, everyone was out for the evening. At least he knew where they were.

Wait, there was one name missing from the note. What about...

The shuffling sound a third time, closer now. Shirou turned towards the direction it came from and nearly froze.

There knelt Reinforce, clad in a dark blue kimono with a white apron over it. Her long silvery hair was done up in a low ponytail and tied with a black ribbon. She sat in a kneeling position and bowed like a traditional wife greeting her husband. Her soft, yet powerful voice carried a hint of nervousness. An emotion made more evident by the rosy blush on her pale cheeks. "Welcome home, Shirou. Would you like dinner, a bath..." She swallowed audibly as her nerves began to get the better of her. "O-Or..."

Shirou's mouth went dry at the sight of the lovely Reinforce dressed in such a manner. He'd never seen her in attire so... elegant. Most certainly, her preferred choice of a loose white sweater with long black socks and shorts was damningly attractive. This however... was on a whole new level.

Reinforce's mind was going a mile a minute. Shamal had said this was a good idea and it seemed to work in those books Signum read. But... Why wasn't Shirou reacting? She'd never done anything like this before. Had she done something wrong? Was it because she hadn't been able to say the last, vital word? Had she not worn the kimono properly? Did he dislike it? Did... Did... !?

The nervous woman let out a yelp of surprise as the redhead knelt down next to her and placed his hands upon her shoulders. Reinforce looked into curious golden eyes with a shaky ruby gaze. "Shi-Shirou?"

"I... think d-dinner would be good to start with. A-And lets see where things go from there." This is dangerous, Reinforce. You are far too dangerous a woman. He would have to be so very careful.

"A-Alright." Dinner, she could handle dinner. She'd prepared something simple. Her ability in the kitchen was nowhere near Shirou's and still below Vita's. It was actually closer to Signum's, in truth. While this limited her selection of meals to prepare on her own, they were at least not the makings of disasters.

Shirou watched Reinforce nod and stand to go into the dining room. He could not help but let his eyes wander over the curvaceous tome. Wait... There was a distinct lack of... No. Had she...? There were no lines or visible indication of any sort of undergarment.

That meant...

You are an extremely dangerous woman, Reinforce. This Emiya Shirou is a weak man. There are no shields in his arsenal to protect himself with.

He is a sword.

And his lovely Reinforce was so easily bypassing his meager defenses.

Dinner was quiet. Quiet, but charged with an energy between the two. A deep blush would bloom upon their faces whenever their fingers touched. No words were spoken as they ate their delicious meal. It was hardly perfect. The rice had cooked a little too long. The chicken wasn't cut properly. Even the miso was a little too salty. Still, it was the thought and emotion put into the cooking which made it so good.

A meal made with love was the most delicious thing anyone could eat. Even if Reinforce had reduced the food to no more than charcoal, it would have been wonderful to Shirou.

When they had finished eating and the dishes were put in the sink to soak, a tense atmosphere settled over the two. Shirou had two options. One was a bath and the other was... His face blazed bright red at the thought of it.

So he settled for voicing a third option. "Ah, Rein, its still a little early. Why don't we relax a bit? I can take my bath in a bit. The water's not going anywhere." It might need a bit of heating, but it wasn't much of an issue.

Reinforce fidgeted a bit. Neither bath nor... "Then... What did you have in mind?" What did Shirou have in mind? Though she would admit washing his back would be... nice.

Scratching the back of his head, he gave a smile. "I was thinking of maybe reading a book." Books were nice. Books were peaceful. Books set his mind at ease. Much like swords did. But you couldn't read a sword.

"Read a... book?" Reinforce's resulting blush could have been seen from miles away.