Chapter 30
When Arthur came to briefly, he could feel something covering his mouth and nose. He recognised the dull movement of a plane but his chest was tighter than usual even when he was suffering from travel sickness. His breaths were coming in difficult rasps and everything was fuzzy. The only thing he could sense clear as anything was the feeling of a familiar hand in his.
He forced his eyes open which took more energy than he would have liked and glanced across to the seat next to him. Merlin was sunk so low in it that he was barely staying on the chair at all. His seatbelt was undone, his eyes were half-open but rolled up so all Arthur could see was ghostly white, and his skin was pallid.
Arthur wished he could have done something to check if Merlin was alive. But he found himself physically incapable of moving at all. His vision wouldn't focus enough to tell if Merlin's chest was moving and his hand felt horrifyingly cold.
Suddenly, the plane started plummeting down. Arthur's stomach churned and he only just managed to get the mask off his face in time to vomit all down himself. Using only one hand as he wasn't prepared to let go of Merlin's, he wiped him mouth and replaced the mask. Ignoring the stench he'd just created accidentally, Arthur flicked his eyes to as much of the plane as he could see which, granted, wasn't very much without moving. Every single person looked lifeless and limp in their seats. He could see a few people who, for whatever reason, had neglected their oxygen masks and sighed, knowing what that probably meant.
In a morbid but relieving thought, at least no one else on the plane would be aware as they fell to their deaths in an out of control plane. Arthur's brain was numb, probably from the lack of oxygen. Had he been in a state to be terrified, he'd have been thinking about his friends, the dogs, all the people who'd be devastated when they found out he'd died. He'd be sad that Merlin's mother would have lost both her sons in terrible accidents. He'd feel horrible that both Morgana and Freya would be left without parents or brothers, alone as the last ones left of their family.
As it was, though, all he could manage was to be happy that at least Merlin wouldn't be left without him. They'd die together, he wouldn't be in pain, his life of sickness and hardship would be over and he could rest.
With that strangely comforting thought, Arthur let the lack of oxygen claim him once again.
When you pass out on an aeroplane that's spiralling out of control and tumbling thousands of feet through the air at an irretrievable rate, you don't generally except to wake up again. So for Arthur to open his eyes and be greeted with the sight of other living human beings around him, speaking and moving, was somewhat a miracle.
"Arthur, can you hear me?"
Arthur slurred something of a response and looked blearily at who was speaking to him, "Matt?"
"Yeah, yeah it's me. Thank god, you're awake."
"Why are you here?"
"You're in hospital, Arthur. Do you remember what happened?"
Arthur squinted his eyes while he tried to think, "Erm."
"It's ok, don't worry. You didn't have oxygen for a long time, you're just confused."
"Oxygen?" Arthur repeated. His eyes widened, "Oh my god the plane!"
Matt smiled, "Don't worry it's ok. You're going to be fine."
"Merlin?"
"He's fine too. Freya's with him."
"Are you sure? Because his lungs- he really needs- the lack of air would have been bad- can he breathe ok?"
"Calm down. He's been on oxygen since you got here but he doesn't need any help with breathing. The worst he has is a little cough."
Arthur relaxed, "Is he awake?"
"He was. He woke up about an hour go but got in such a state about you that they had to sedate him. You really frightened him."
"I have to see him."
"You're not going anywhere. You have to stay put until you're cleared to go. Which includes a sleepover so get used to this bed."
Arthur groaned, "What about Merlin?"
"He'll be allowed to leave by tonight. They just want to keep him until his oxygen levels are normal. But he's in better shape than you so stop worrying about him and think about yourself."
Arthur sank into the bed, "He's really ok?"
"Really, really," Matt assured him.
"I really thought we were going to die, you know," Arthur said, "The plane was out of control, everyone was out and the storm-"
"From what I've heard it was pretty close," Matt said, "There hasn't been an official report or story yet but apparently the pilot held out long enough to get the plane in some sort of mode that meant it could fly itself to a very basic degree. Just like everyone else did he passed out once the oxygen ran out through the masks but woke to find the plane dropping. He just about managed to fly it to the nearest clear site safely. The paramedics arrived to find one hundred and fifty unconscious passengers, five unconscious crew members and-" he gulped, "Seventeen dead."
"Seventeen," Arthur repeated numbly, "It so easily could have been eighteen."
"What do you mean?"
"I passed out before the masks dropped. I'm sure of it. Merlin must have saved me."
Matt smiled, "He did. He was terrified he'd not got it on you properly and you were…"
Arthur sighed sadly, "We need to stop travelling when there are weird weather problems. A ferry sinks, we get stranded in a hotel with no electricity, now a plane crash? All to or from Ireland, might I add."
"I think you should stop visiting us," Matt said, "We'll come to you. Clearly getting to us is too dangerous for you."
"Alternatively we could just check the weather forecast."
Matt chuckled, "I don't understand how this all happens to you, you know. I mean, Freya and I have gone between you and Ireland a fair few times and the worst we've had to deal with is a baby with a fever on a delayed flight."
"Blame Merlin, not me. My life was accident-free before him."
"The best people get the worst luck."
"It certainly seems like it."
"Anyway, I was meant to get a doctor when you woke up, so I'll be back in a sec."
"Matt?" Arthur stopped him before he could leave, "Have you been in touch with anyone back home?"
He smiled sympathetically, "Freya called Morgana and explained everything we knew. They knew it was your flight and were worried you might have been, you know-"
"Among the seventeen," Arthur finished sadly.
"Yeah," Matt paused before leaving.
Arthur closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He was so confused. He'd been in his fair share of worrying and fatal situations but never before had he felt like he had on that flight. Usually he'd be fighting, protecting himself and Merlin with all he had. To think he'd been prepared to let them both die like that was unnerving.
There were several hours of waiting around, resting and getting checked on before Arthur finally saw Merlin. For whatever reason, he was using crutches instead of his prosthetic and hopped into Arthur's room late at night to see him. Freya followed behind him, watching her brother's movements carefully.
"Merlin, what happened to your head?" Arthur demanded worriedly.
Merlin had a bruise right next to and above his eye which was swollen and sore. "This is the result of a crash landing from a broken plane and no seatbelt," he grinned and bent down to kiss Arthur, "How are you feeling?"
Arthur studied him, before deciding, "Overwhelmed but relieved."
"Yeah, that sums it up nicely. I'm not allowed to stay long. Visiting hours were over ages ago."
Arthur took his hand, "You put my mask on for me."
"Of course I did," Merlin looked at him incredulously, "You were sick and unconscious on a plane with no pressure."
"Please tell me you put yours on first," Arthur begged.
"Now why would I do that?"
"Merlin!"
Merlin smiled, "We're both alright, that's what's important."
"Why didn't you have a seatbelt on?"
Merlin looked a little bit guilty, "I wanted to be closer to you. I was so worried about you."
"I'm ok."
Merlin pressed their foreheads together and kissed Arthur's nose, "I have to go. I'll see you in the morning."
Arthur nodded, "I love you."
Merlin suddenly looked very emotional.
"What is it?"
"That's the last thing I said on the plane," Merlin explained, looking down tearfully, "I thought I'd never hear you say it again. I thought I'd never get to say it again."
Arthur felt his own tears welling up, "Look at me." He waited for Merlin's eyes to meet his and stared at him, conveying hundreds of emotions, "Say it."
"I love you," Merlin whispered with a trembling lip.
He stood up and made for the door.
"Freya," Arthur called, "Make sure he gets some rest before he comes back here."
On the drive back home, Freya explained to Merlin what they'd done while he'd been asleep in the hospital.
"As soon as we heard what had happened, we went to the site to find you. People were unloading all the baggage so as soon as we were certain you'd be alright, we picked up your bags and took them home. We dropped the girls off with a neighbour while we were there. Then it was a case of finding you in the hospital and waiting to hear from a doctor. Your friends were ringing me constantly trying to make sure you were with us."
"Sorry to take you away from the twins."
"Don't be silly," Freya scolded, "I promised Morgana you'd ring her in the morning, by the way."
"Ok. Have you told mum?"
"Not yet. She gets easily flustered at night, I don't want to throw this on her. She'll be more like herself in the morning."
That was all it took to push Merlin over the edge. He broke down crying right there, sitting in the back of his sister's car in the middle of the night. From the front seat, Freya turned and looked at him sadly, "Merlin."
He shook his head, "Just give me a minute."
It took him the entirety of the journey home to compose himself enough to talk. So while Matt went down to their neighbours to get the girls, Merlin and Freya sat in the kitchen with mugs of tea.
"Matt'll be a while," Freya said, "You know in the countryside, 'next door' is two miles away."
"I used to live here, too," Merlin pointed out, "I know where all the nearest houses are."
"Are you going to tell me what caused the mental breakdown in my car, then?"
"Just thinking about mum and how the dementia affects her," Merlin said sadly, "Arthur and I used to call her with anything to ask for advice to get her support. We could cry to her for hours about the worst of things and she'd always help us. Now we're too scared even just to text her in case she gets worked up about it. It's so different, Freya, she's not the person we knew."
"She's still our mother, though. She still loves us."
"The past decade has been filled with so much loss and pain. It would take hours to list everything that's happened. We're in our thirties, Freya, and we're losing our mum right in front of us. She's the one person I thought would be there forever. After everything the past ten years have brought, can you really sit there and tell me this is fine?"
"Of course, it's not fine! Merlin, I'm the one who sees her five times a week and puts on a brave face for her sake so she doesn't think I'm upset by it. I have to watch her get sicker and sicker by the day, I was the one who looked after her when she broke her hip. I don't mind doing it but it's not easy. I understand why you're so affected by it. I'm glad it's me that's here and has to see her like this all the time. Because it's one of the worst things I've ever had to watch. You've had the worst decade of anyone ever, even the people around you who've been there through it. It's been worst for you, Merlin. This on top of everything else would be too much."
"It's too much without even being here. I don't want to lose her too."
"I doubt she wants to leave us," Freya said sadly, staring into her tea.
"Do you know how long she has?"
Freya shrugged, "Years, possibly. Years of gradually getting worse and slipping away. At least at the moment she's like herself until she gets tired or stressed. It's mainly affecting her coordination and balance and stuff for now."
"How long until that changes, though?"
"Her short-term memory's going a bit already. She has to have important things written down until they're really embedded otherwise she just forgets. The only issue is-"
"She struggles to hold a pen properly."
"Honestly, we better have the most brilliant fifty years after this. Every bit of tragedy has been squashed into ten years and forced on us so we can have peace until we die. It's only fair."
"Yeah, you don't need to tell me," Merlin laughed.
"Right, then," Freya stood up and took their empty mugs over to the sink, "Bed time. You need some rest."
Merlin fell asleep so quickly and so deeply that even when Matthew returned with two screaming toddlers, he didn't slightly stir.
In the morning, they only thing Merlin wanted was to get to the hospital and see Arthur but Freya refused to let him go until he'd called Morgana and Hunith. Morgana had been extremely relieved to hear his voice even though she'd already known he was alright. It had taken a while to reassure Hunith and explain what had happened in full. But he'd promised to visit her later once he'd seen Arthur.
Freya forced some food down him before driving him to the hospital. Matt was staying at home to look after the twins but he'd promised to have lunch ready for them when they got back.
It was a pleasant surprise to be taking Arthur home. The hospital was completely overrun with patients from the crash who hadn't fared quite as well so they wanted to get people out quickly. Arthur was still a little green in the face and queasy but felt considerably better. He was wheeled to the car park and helped into Freya's car to be taken home.
"Have you seen all the news stories?"
Merlin nodded, "It's everywhere. Radio, tv, papers. Have you seen the photos of the site we landed on? I've never seen so many ambulances and police cars in the same place."
"The plane was on fire. Was it on fire when you got there, Freya?"
"Yeah, we weren't allowed within a certain radius until it had been put out."
"We were on a burning plane," Merlin said, "That's so strange, we didn't even know."
"It's weird to look at the pictures," Arthur mused, "We were there, we're probably in one of the photos if you look carefully enough. But all we'll ever see of it is photos."
"Judging by what you looked like at the time, even if you'd been awake, you wouldn't have remembered it."
"Oh god, you saw us?"
"Of course we did. We had to give the paramedics your names and stuff. It was a bit rushed, you were both fairly high priority."
"Go on, you're clearly dying to tease us," Merlin sighed.
"Well," Freya grinned. She happily gave them a very detailed description of what they'd both looked like while lying unconscious after being rescued from the plane including how Arthur had been covered in sick and Merlin's skin had been practically blue as he struggled for air.
"I'm not sure why you're finding it funny," Merlin said with fake severity, "With an oxygen mask on, Arthur could have choked and my lungs could have failed in the circumstances."
Freya rolled her eyes and then frowned, "How didn't you choke?"
"Well the mask isn't exactly sealed tightly, is it? It probably just dribbled around the sides."
"Ew! That's gross, Arthur!"
Arthur looked at Merlin suddenly in a daze and then glanced down at their intertwined hands. "I took the mask off," he breathed, "I woke up, I remember now. Our hands, the way we're holding hands, this is how we were holding hands on the plane. It reminded me, I remember! Just before the plane started to drop, I woke up. It was the sudden falling that made me sick."
"You woke up?" Merlin looked almost scared.
"Everyone else was unconscious," Arthur stared into the distance, "You- I couldn't tell if you were alive. You were half off your chair and barely breathing and so, so cold, it-" he choked, "I didn't know what was going on. Why were you so cold?"
Merlin shrugged, "I don't know. The doctors said something about all the oxygen being diverted to my brain and heart when there was so little of it and I was struggling to breathe. Maybe it's linked to that."
They sat as close to each other as they could get- while keeping their seatbelts on- and eventually fell asleep on each other's shoulders. The sight chilled Freya. It was, after all, probably what they'd looked like as the plane they'd been on had plummeted through hundreds of feet to the ground. She decided then to focus on driving a little bit more. The weather was still awful. All the rain that had fallen the day before was frozen and difficult to drive on.
After a quick lunch, they made their way to the care home where Hunith lived. She hugged Merlin and Arthur tightly, "You're not going back on the plane, are you?"
"Have got no choice, mum," Merlin said, "We have to."
Hunith looked devastated, "Have you checked the weather?"
"It's not them who should have to, it's the people who run the flights," Freya said angrily, "They should never have let that plane take off."
"Why did they?" Hunith asked.
Merlin shrugged, "Guess the weatherman was wrong."
"Wrong?" Freya screeched, "Your flight went straight through a huge storm! How did they miss that?"
"There hasn't been an explanation yet."
"Come on, let's talk about something else, shall we?" Hunith suggested, "How are you boys?"
They invited Hunith for dinner the next day- New Year's Eve- and made arrangements with the carers at the home so they knew what would be happening.
The mood when they returned to Freya's house was solemn. All four of them laughed and played with the twins but as soon as they were in private, the smiles were gone and their faces became grave.
"Seventeen people," Arthur said quietly, "It could so easily have been over a hundred."
"Thank god for our pilot, I guess."
"When I woke up and we started falling. I really thought it was the last time I'd ever see you. Falling off your seat with your eyes wide open and rolled up in your head."
"They were open?" Merlin grimaced.
"Yeah. It was really freaky."
"Yeah, I can imagine," Merlin looked mortified and disgusted.
"Don't worry. It wasn't like anyone else was awake to see it."
"Unlike with you when you fainted and turned greener than a toad."
"A toad?"
"I mean it, you were a really ugly colour."
"So I'm ugly now?"
"Not now. At the time, though…"
"Well, apparently we made quite the pair in terms of looks."
"I suppose we're so stunning most of the time, it's only fair to give other people a chance from time to time."
"I'm glad we didn't die."
"So am I."
They didn't do much the next day until the evening aside from a quick walk to the river. They skipped stones and watched the twins throw rocks as far as they could manage. Their dinner with Hunith was lovely. They had a full roast and pudding. In a way, it sort of felt like Hunith hadn't moved out the house at all and she was simply having her children over for dinner. Of course, that reality came crashing down when Matt went to take her home a few hours before midnight.
They went down to the bridge over the waterfall to see the new year in. The twins were both asleep in their buggy, wrapped up warmly and snuggled in blankets.
"One minute," Freya said, checking the time on her phone. Matt put his arm around her and kissed her temple.
Merlin and Arthur interlaced their fingers and looked across at the waterfall.
"Thirty seconds."
"We're going to be alright this year," Merlin whispered, "I know it."
"How can you be sure?" Arthur asked quietly.
"You see that star?" Merlin raised Arthur's hand and pointed, "The biggest one in the sky?"
"Yes."
"Fifteen seconds," Freya called.
"It's Will's," Merlin said quickly and quietly, "He used to love looking at the stars when we came camping and he was obsessed with that one."
"Five! Four!"
"Three, two, one!" everyone joined in.
There was nothing significant to identify the change in year. No fireworks or cheering crowds. But somehow it still managed to feel special.
Arthur kissed Merlin, "Happy New Year, gorgeous."
"Happy New Year," Merlin said back.
Everyone hugged each other and then Freya said she and Matt were taking the girls back to the house. "Here's the key, don't be too, erm 'loud' when you get in," she winked suggestively, "I know what couples are like at New Year."
"Freya! I could never," Merlin looked disgusted, "Do that in our family home!"
She laughed, "Hey, we don't judge. I certainly do it."
"Freya," Merlin said warningly, "I don't want to know."
"All I'm saying is that your room isn't quite as clean and untainted as you might like to think it is."
"Freya!"
"What? It's natural, Merlin. Everyone does it at some point."
"I don't need to know about my little sister activities!"
"Stop winding him up, Freya," Matt chuckled, "Let's get home."
Freya turned to go. She'd just stepped off the bridge when she turned and called, "Just give us an hour or so in private before you get back, ok?"
Merlin scowled at her.
"What were you saying about the star?" Arthur asked Merlin once they were alone again.
"It was Will's favourite to look at," Merlin said, glancing up at it again, "I've seen it enough times to know it's shining a little brighter tonight."
"You think that's a sign."
"I think it's Will's way of telling us to have faith."
Arthur looked at him, eyes glinting in the moonlight. "Will had better not be pranking us, then."
