Chapter 30: Full Moon Blues

The next week, I skipped Thursday's dinner and headed to the library to continue my research on memory charms. Even The Pincer was eating in the Great Hall, so I had an hour to myself in the empty library which I spent burying my nose in as many books as I could get my hands on in the Restricted Section. It was certainly easier to concentrate on what I was reading if I didn't have to pause periodically to listen for footsteps. I stayed quiet in the Restricted Section as I heard the library filling with the noise of other students who had headed up here to do some after-dinner studying. As much as I enjoyed Sirius's company, I couldn't have him interrupting me every time I was doing research or else I'd never adequately prepare myself, and so I hoped that he was occupied with some after-dinner mischief with James. However, someone else altogether more unpleasant did interrupt me.

"Ridgelow!"

I jolted and dropped the book that I'd been reading. That blond third-year Ravenclaw boy was strutting down the aisle towards me, waving like a spastic puppet in an attempt to catch my attention.

"Keep your fucking voice down," I hissed, pausing to look and listen for The Pincer.

The boy smiled, oblivious to my irritation. How in Merlin's name did someone get their teeth that white? He was looking at me expectantly, scanning me from head to toe like I was some sort of specimen. I rolled my eyes and picked the book up, trying to get back into my reading and hoping that he would take the hint. Of course he didn't.

He cleared his throat loudly and started babbling. "You know, it was shockingly difficult to track you down, Ridgelow. Well, not at meal times, since we sit at the same table since we're both Ravenclaws, but you also skip meals so I didn't have an opportunity to talk to you then. But I saw you here, and what a perfect opportunity!"

I growled low in my throat but he either didn't hear or didn't care.

"And I've been meaning to ask you again about whether you'll share your steps to gaining celebrity, and I do indeed have a fabulous shampoo to offer you in return. And," he said, holding up a finger and giving me a crazed smile, "I can even offer you advice in curating your public image and give you tips about maintaining your fame. See, fame is a tricky business, but I've mastered it, and so I really could offer you a lot of helpful advice."

I turned to look at him, my mouth agape and eyebrows raised. He was smiling so widely that I could see nearly all of his perfectly-white teeth. I shook my head and turned back to my book.

He laughed and continued, oblivious to my cold body language. "My name, of course you'd know it from the talk around school, is Gilderoy Lockhart."

I muffled a laugh with a cough. A pompous name for an equally pompous idiot.

He blathered on. "Lovely, noble name, isn't it? My mother named me that, such a bold and suitable name for the future captain of the English Quidditch Team, youngest Minister for Magic-"

"Shut up, will you?" I said. "I came here to read, not be bothered by a squirt like you."

He looked at me. "Well, wouldn't you like to know how to best cultivate your reputation?"

I blew out a breath and snapped my book shut. "No! I want to be left alone before your incessant prattling gets me kicked out of the library," I hissed, glaring at him.

Gilderoy's face remained the same, as if I hadn't said a single thing. He was still smiling and calm. "Now, I hardly think that's-"

Someone cleared their throat farther down the aisle. I looked up, fully expecting The Pincer to be charging over like a bull after the bullfighter. I sighed in relief when I saw Remus walking towards us, the gold of his prefect's badge glinting on his tidy robes.

Gilderoy opened his mouth again to speak, his blue eyes fixed on me, but Remus beat him to it. "Lockhart, this area is restricted for a reason."

Gilderoy looked from me to Remus quickly. "But-"

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Hmm?"

"You're not telling her to get out? Am I not famous enough to have a moment in here?" he whined.

"Lockhart," Remus said calmly, "I will deal with her as well. If you don't leave, I will have to see about giving you a detention."

Gilderoy spluttered for a moment before he composed himself and spun around, striding out of the Restricted Section and disappearing from view.

I sighed and smiled. "Alright then, Remus. What'll my punishment be?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. How about none? I don't have the energy to scold more than one person right now."

I studied him, noting his ashen face and wooden expression. "Is it the moon?"

He nodded and turned his face away from me, distracting himself with the bookshelf in front of us. He furrowed his eyebrows. "Why're you reading about memory charms?"

Now I was the one turning away. "Er… curiosity. And the Ravenclaw drive to hoard knowledge."

"I see."

We lapsed into silence for a while. Remus was scanning the titles of the books as I read over the notes that I jotted down today. I had to reorganize them when I got back to the dormitory or I wouldn't be able to find the most salient information when I needed to.

Remus cleared his throat and studied me. "Kersti, can I ask you something?"

I flashed him a smile before I tucked the notes into my pockets. "Sure."

"Were you scared? When you fought me during the full moon."

I thought about that for a long while, trying my best to remember what sort of headspace I'd been in when I'd dashed out from behind the tree to save Sirius's life. "A little, I think. I mean, I knew about how dangerous it was, but when I saw you advancing towards Sirius, I knew I had to do something."

He watched me. "But you didn't even know that it was him…"

I shrugged. "Even if I'd known that it were you four, it wouldn't've changed anything. I couldn't hide behind that tree, watching you… overpower them without stepping in." I smiled kindly at him. "And anyway, I was pretty confident that Stripes was more evenly matched against a werewolf. Her claws are rather sharp." Remus gave me a shaky smile but didn't say anything. "Honestly, Remus, don't feel bad about it. I didn't come out any worse for wear, and everyone else came out in one piece too."

He hummed his agreement and turned back to the bookshelf. I sighed. While I'd seen him in worse condition physically, the psychological burden of being a werewolf clearly was weighing more than the physical one this time around. Was there anything that I could do to get his mind off it?

I swallowed. "I'm not sure about you, but I find it rather hard to pretend to be 'normal' sometimes. And coping with it all is difficult at the best of times. Not to mention there's always the fear in the back of my mind that someone's trying to or has already found out about me. Sometimes I find trying to hide it is more painful than the actual curse itself, you know?"

He nodded. "What's your… curse like?" he asked quietly.

I smiled ruefully to myself and ran a finger down the spine of a book. "It's hard to explain. It makes it dangerous for me, very dangerous, for different reasons than your condition. It's very… isolating."

He nodded and looked at me. "What you said, last time… last time we talked, that in particular resonated with me. Even if I have my friends during the transformations, fortunately they'll never know what it's like. But, in a way, that fact also isolates me. I'd never wish for any of them to become what I am, but there is a certain… loneliness about my suffering. And the prejudice against us in the wizarding world is terrifying. Especially with books like Lupine Lawlessness being written."

"I could never imagine that, how stressful it must be, to know that if anyone ever found out…"

Remus looked down at his shoes. "It's never far from my mind. And I'm very lucky that I get to attend Hogwarts in the first place." I nodded. "How do you cope?"

I chuckled. "In all honesty, I don't. I run away from it and drown it out. Hence the smoking." I took a deep breath, unsure of whether I should tell him more. But I wanted to empathize with him, and so far me sharing about my curse was good for that. I swallowed.

"Why're you an animagus?" he said so quietly that I nearly didn't hear it.

"It's… it was to challenge myself intellectually. I read about it and wanted a challenge, I guess. But it also helps me… cope. I like roaming the woods at night to settle my mind."

"Is that why you were in the forest that night?"

"Yeah."

"How often do you go there at night?"

I shrugged. "Often enough. Usually several times a week." There was a moment of silence, the unsaid words weighing in the air, until I broke it. "Is there anything at all to help with your condition, Remus?"

He shook his head bitterly. "No." He frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, mulling over something, but he didn't elaborate.

"Ever since I became an animagus, I've considered Stripes to be the other side of my personality, like two side of the same coin. If you don't mind me asking, is it the same with you and…?"

"With me and Moony?" I nodded. "Yeah, something like that. I try not to… acknowledge that side of me though. I think it's best left untouched, except for when I have to face it every full moon. Mostly I try to ignore it, to run away like you said…" He trailed off miserably.

I looked at him, with his hunched posture, the pallor of his face and the sadness that seemed to radiate from him in waves. "You're not your curse, you know," I said. "It's a large part of who you are, but it's not everything. You don't have to feel like you're a bad person because you suffer from something bad that wasn't your fault."

He jerked his head around to meet my gaze, and I realized that I had hit much closer to the mark than I'd thought. For a second, I was worried that he would be annoyed that I'd guessed his feelings correctly, but then a small smile shaped his lips. "Thanks, Kersti," he said quietly.

I smiled. "You're welcome." I cleared my throat and looked back to the bookshelf. "I… I wish I could tell you about my curse, I really do, but… anyone I'd tell would be in danger and I couldn't live with myself if I caused someone harm because I couldn't hold my tongue. But rest assured, Remus, I do know what it's like to suffer from a curse. Granted, not the same as you, but still…" I fidgeted for a moment. "If you ever want to talk about it, I, er… you could always talk to me. It's hard sometimes, with 'normal people.' Even if they're extremely close to you, it isn't the same if they don't know what it's like to bear such a burden. This is really the only thing my… problem has been useful for- the empathy for other people who are cursed."

He smiled and smoothed the front of his robes, but didn't say anything. And yet I could sense that he appreciated my offer very much, and that he was so withdrawn because of the impending moonrise.

"Er… I should go, I said I'd meet Prongs, Wormtail and Padfoot soon," he said, checking his wristwatch. "They'll probably meet me outside the library." I nodded and kept my eyes focussed on the books. "Do you, er… do you want to come?"

I smiled. "Sure."

Remus and I left the library without a hitch and went to stand in the corridor outside the doors to wait for his full-moon entourage to pick him up for that night's seance. We didn't say much, and I didn't want to force him to talk when he was clearly feeling shitty about his imminent transformation.

"You ready, Moony?"

Remus smiled by way of greeting to James, Sirius and Peter when they arrived. "Ready as I'll ever be, Prongs."

"Nice to see you this evening, kitten," Sirius said, grinning.

"Nice to see you too, old man," I replied, returning the grin.

"You're not coming with us, are you?" Peter asked, eyes narrowed and not bothering to conceal the suspicion in his voice.

I laughed. "No. No, thank you. That was a one-time occurrence and I've got other things to do."

James reached up to ruffle the top of Remus's head affectionately. "Better get a move on, Moony. Enjoy your evening, Stripes."

"Likewise, Rotter," I said as he started walking with Remus down the corridor.

Sirius pinched my arse on his way by and grinned over his shoulder at me. "Bye, kitten."

"Bye, old man. Have fun."

Peter shot me a dirty look and scurried after his three friends, who were jostling and bugging each other as they walked away from me. I watched their retreating backs until they rounded a corner and disappeared. I stood there for a long moment, and like a dreadful itch that grew the longer I left it, so did my curiosity. I was itching to follow them outside, to presumably the Whomping Willow, but did I dare? I wouldn't be in danger, but if they caught me snooping I would be facing their wrath. Not to mention that I didn't want to lose Sirius's respect if he caught me. Their full moon antics were none of my business, but I grew more and more curious with every minute until I couldn't bear it any longer. I padded down the corridor and descended the same flight of stairs that they had, and then tiptoed on in their footsteps.

I went without a noise, and when I slipped outside I could see them approaching the Whomping Willow. I made sure to stay in the shadows and peek out from hiding spots in case they happened to look over their shoulders. They were silent now, no longer bantering and joking, since they were breaking curfew and wouldn't want to be caught. Yet, they were confident when they stopped within a safe distance of the Whomping Willow. This was their monthly routine. I watched as Peter shifted into his animagus form and scurried towards the murderous tree, climbing up to touch a gnarled knot on its trunk. It froze and Peter transformed back, and then the four of them disappeared down a tunnel that was hidden at the very base of the tree. I waited a long time after they had vanished, and then I crept out of my hiding spot and close to the Whomping Willow. It returned to its usual violent self and made a brief move to lash me with a branch, until it realized that I was out of its reach. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I could see the secret passage that opened up like a dark mouth from underneath the Willow. I tried to make out the inside, but it was too dark even for my tiger eyes. I chewed my lip as I stood in front of the tree, resisting the burning urge to freeze the tree and go into the passage myself to have a look. I'd never been to the Shrieking Shack either, and Remus had told me that this passage led there.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself. I knew that I couldn't go down there to infringe on their full-moon jaunt, even though curiosity was eating the cat from the inside out. I rubbed my face and turned away. I needed to stash my bookbag in the dormitory anyway, and then I'd come back down to roam the forest alone.


I made sure to stalk the Forbidden Forest closer to the castle and Hagrid's hut that night. The last thing that I wanted was to accidentally run into the boys and then have them think that I'd been spying on them. I feared that if that happened, Sirius would become cross with me and burn the tenuous bridge that we'd built, and I didn't want that. As I padded around trees, along streams and through ravines, my mind kept wandering to Sirius. To think that he was out there in the night, running and playing and exploring under the light of the full moon, ignorant to my presence… It made my heart ache. I'd been so tempted to follow them, but I couldn't do that. And I was jealous, thinking about the bond that the boys shared not only in their day to day lives, but during full moons. There was a sense of magic to sneaking around with your friends like they did, in more ways than one. I knew that spending full moons together was their secret world, something that only the four of them would experience together, and I was not invited. I had no right to infringe upon them, to insert myself into the adventure of a full moon. And that night, as my head drooped and my tail dragged along the ground, I felt the loneliest that I had in a long time.

I made my way to the edge of the forest nearest to the castle as the sky began to grow red with the rising sun. The light hadn't yet pierced the thick canopy and from the shade of the sky above I could tell that I still had a little more time left before I had to resume my human form. I found a wide hollow in the woods very near to Hagrid's hut, but still far enough away that no one could hear or see me. I lied down on a covering of fallen leaves. I rested my head on my paws and flicked my ears, listening to the twittering of the birds and the sounds of the forest's wildlife waking up all around me. A squirrel crawled down a tree and bolted across the ground when it saw me. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I ever encountered a proper tiger. Would we be able to communicate? Would it recognize me for what I truly was? Was my behaviour in my animagus form much too human to let me blend in with other tigers?

In the distance, I heard creatures' footfalls. I flicked an ear to where the sound was coming from and jolted to my paws when I heard it quickly growing louder. I found a shorter tree with some lower branches and dashed over to it, launching myself up with my back legs and digging my claws into the trunk. No sooner had I gotten to a wide branch twenty feet from the ground and tucked my long tail out of view when the creatures burst into the clearing and slid to a stop, bumping into each other with the momentum of their sprint. My heart leapt into my throat. As soon as I'd heard the footfalls, I'd suspected, but this confirmed it. Below me in the hollow, I watched with bated breath as Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs gathered together. Of all places, why did they have to come here? Why did I have such bad luck? But all I could do was crouch and stay silent, watching them and hoping with everything I had that they wouldn't look up and see me.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the massive black dog as he shook himself and wagged his tail, mouth open as he panted from the exertion. He was handsome, with his lithe body and proud stature, with upright ears and a dark, glossy coat. As Padfoot, he still had his grey eyes that I admired so much. Without the pressures of being scrutinized and observed like in school, he was free to be himself. He wagged his tail and leapt about, unabashed joy in his every move. I liked seeing him like this. He was so happy, so carefree, and I was struck by an intense longing to be down there with him, to watch him and share in his joy. I watched Prongs, with his ornate antlers and springy legs, the grey werewolf Moony, and finally, barely visible due to his size, was Wormtail the rat.

I shifted in my crouched position on the tree branch, my claws sinking into the bark, and watched as Moony's form gradually faded and left a weak and tired Remus in his place. He was lying on the ground like he had when I'd seen him transform back, but he wasn't shivering or as beat up as he'd been then. I looked away, not wanting to be a peeping Tom, and watched Padfoot instead. In one graceful motion, Padfoot gave way to Sirius. He transformed back so smoothly, with the poise and grace of a dancer, leaving Sirius standing tall and handsome in the forest. James was equally smooth in his transformation, while Peter ended up still sitting on the forest floor, his hair full of leaves and twigs.

Sirius barked with laughter and went over to him. "Wormtail, it's not that difficult. You have to stand up while you're shifting, and then you'll end up on your feet," he said, hauling his dorky friend up with a hand.

Peter started picking the debris out of his hair. "S'harder than it looks."

Sirius shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. "Need to practice more, mate."

Peter grumbled something inaudibly.

"How're you feeling, Moony?" James said, helping Remus stand now that he was clothed.

He smiled, his face looking pale but his eyes bright. "Not too bad, not rubbish. I'm feeling the best I have in a while, actually."

James clapped him on the back. "Just wait until you've had some of your Chocolate Frog stash."

Remus laughed, which made his face look pleasantly carefree. "Thank Merlin for Chocolate Frogs."

"I've got that bottle of firewhiskey under my bed if you want some," Sirius said with a mischievous grin.

"Thank you, but-"

"'But I'll pass,'" Sirius finished. "You say that every time. Doesn't hurt to try."

"I'm not prohibiting you from taking a swig. It doesn't matter to me if you take a shot of firewhiskey first thing in the morning," Remus said, smiling.

James snorted and readjusted his glasses on his nose. "Haven't you noticed, Moony? This year he's got something else that he does every morning."

Sirius scoffed. "Oh, really? Come on, out with it. What is it that I do every morning this year?"

James grinned. "Really, Padfoot? You think I've not noticed?"

Peter was looking from Sirius to James in confusion. "Noticed what?"

"Every morning you check the Map."

Sirius scoffed but said nothing.

"And now you sleep with it right next to your bed," James said, his face the picture of mischief.

"If you want it so badly, you can take it," Sirius said, sounding nonchalant.

James chuckled and looked at him. "I don't need to check it every morning. Evans isn't in the habit of skipping meals and classes."

Sirius made an exasperated sound. "Come off it. Who says I'm not checking to see what greasy Snivellus is doing? We all know how he loves to follow us around, trying to get us expelled."

James grinned even wider. "Bloody hell, Padfoot. I didn't know you had a thing for Snivellus now."

Remus tried to muffle his laughter with a coughing fit, and Sirius glared at him and James. "Fuck's sakes," he muttered.

"I never said it was bad. It's nice to see you curious about someone else for a change," James continued.

"I was plenty curious about becoming an animagus and finding out why Moony kept giving us the slip once a month in first year," Sirius retorted. "Since when am I a self-centered git?"

Remus sighed. "That's not what he meant, Padfoot."

James was chuckling. "He knows that's not what I meant, Moony. He's just too stubborn to admit I'm getting at something."

Sirius threw his hands up in the air. James was certainly good at ruffling his feathers. "Out with it, Prongs. What exactly are you getting at?"

James grinned, sensing his success. "Going to ask her to Hogsmeade again, Padfoot? The next trip is in a fortnight."

"I check the Map with Padfoot too," Peter blurted out, no doubt with the intention of taking Sirius's side.

James laughed. "I didn't know you fancied her, Wormtail."

Peter flushed with irritation. "You don't think it's suspicious? She does more sneaking around than Snivellus, going to the forest at night and interfering during a full moon and-"

"Wormtail," Remus said sternly. "We've already talked about that full moon. I've made my opinion on the matter very clear."

I cringed inside. I needed to get away and not be stuck up in this goddamn tree, listening to them talk about me when I shouldn't be. I started shifting as slowly and quietly as I could, moving off my branch to the next lowest one, one paw at a time.

"I don't see why you're making such a fuss, Prongs," Sirius said. "It's not nearly as bad as you following Evans and Snivellus around in fifth year with the Invisibility Cloak."

James was unperturbed by the accusation. "And whose idea was it to follow them in the library, Padfoot?"

"Yours. You wanted to get revenge after the Polyjuice Potion."

"No, I only went along because you convinced me to."

"Prongs, honestly. You're not going to force him into admitting what you want him to," Remus said as I lowered myself onto another branch, the trunk and dense branches shielding me from view.

"I'm not allowed to comment on it, Moony? It's the first time Padfoot's been properly interested in a girl and-"

"If this is the first time, Prongs, then why have I shagged so many of them?" Sirius said, sounding irritated.

"That hardly counts, Padfoot. You've never, ever taken the time to talk to them, much less spend as much time with them as you do with her."

"Prongs, stop," Remus snapped. "You're prying now. If Padfoot wants to tell us about something, he'll do it on his own time."

"See? Thank you, Moony," Sirius said.

I was crouching on the lowest branch of the tree, a mere ten feet between me and the ground. All I had to do was land silently and then I could get away. I glanced over at the boys as a light breeze ruffled my fur, realizing that I was lucky that Sirius had been too distracted when he'd run into the clearing for him to smell my scent on the ground, and that he'd covered it with his own tracks. I gathered my haunches underneath me and eyed the ground below, raising my tail for balance. I leaned forward in preparation to jump but I'd retracted my claws and so I lost my balance and made a sloppy jump to the ground, landing on my feet but with an audible thud.

"What was that?" Peter said with a note of fear in his voice.

"Probably nothing, Wormtail," Sirius said.

I crouched behind some undergrowth, my stripes helping camouflage me. I could see the boys standing in the clearing through the foliage; Sirius and Peter were closest to me. I had to sneak away before I attracted their attention because the bush in front of me was not thick enough to completely hide me from view. I had crept backwards several feet already when the breeze returned, blowing by me towards the clearing and running its fingers through my coat on the way by.

"Prongs, if-" Sirius started to say when he fell quiet.

"Padfoot?" James asked, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

Sirius had gone very still and I realized that the wind had blown my scent right towards him. I started backing up even faster as he slowly turned to look at the patch of undergrowth that was concealing me. His dark eyebrows were drawn low in puzzlement, his eyes staring fixedly at the location from which my scent was blowing. Fuck. Even when he was perplexed, Sirius was ridiculously handsome. I took several more steps backwards, and to my chagrin I couldn't help but think about when I could shag him next. Merlin.

"Come on, Padfoot," James said, walking towards where the trees thinned at the edge of the forest.

Sirius was still standing frozen, eyes locked on my location, until Peter spoke. "I don't smell anything, Padfoot."

Sirius shook his head, as if ridding himself of an annoying fly that was buzzing around his head. "Come on, Wormtail," he said, turning and heading off after James and Remus. "I need to check the Marauders' Map before breakfast."

I heard James laughing in the distance. "What'd I tell you, Moony! Going to check the Map as soon as we drop you off. Right, Padfoot?"

"Piss off," Sirius said, letting out a bark of laughter.

I watched the boys hike out of the clearing and changed tactics, following them in the shadows at a safe enough distance that they couldn't see me if they turned around. I could hear their muffled conversation but they were out of sight, until I paused right on the edge of the treeline and stopped to watch them chasing each other up the grassy hill and back to the castle. I waited for a while until I reckoned that they were sufficiently on their way up to drop Remus off to the Hospital Wing, and then I transformed back and headed up into the castle. I decided to wait for Lily outside the Great Hall, as that way I'd catch her before she headed into breakfast and I could tell her quickly about what I'd heard. I wouldn't have time to catch her outside of Charms that morning because I needed to run back up to the dormitory after breakfast to get my bookbag. Of course James Potter, King of Mischief, had an invisibility cloak. No wonder he'd gotten away with so much. At least now I knew what that blasted 'tracking device' was too.

I didn't have to wait long outside the doors to the Hall; Lily came down fairly early, laughing and talking with Mary, Marlene and Dorcas. I waved to her.

She smiled. "Hi, Kersti. What're you doing out here?"

I was practically vibrating with excitement. I couldn't wait to tell her. "Lily, you will never believe what I found out."

Her eyebrows went up. "It must be significant, you look like you can't contain yourself." She smiled at Dorcas, Mary and Marlene. "Go on without me, I'll be there in a moment."

She turned to look at me when the other Gryffindor girls were out of earshot. "Well? What's the news?" she said, a smile shaping her lips.

"It's a map. The tracking device is a map," I blurted out.

She did a double take. "A map?"

"And they snuck up on us in the library with a cloak of invisibility."

Her eyebrows were nearly at her hairline, her eyes wide. "Really? But they're incredibly rare and expensive. How'd they get their hands on one?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. But it's a map and an invisibility cloak, that I know for sure."

She tilted her head. "Did they tell you? Did Black tell you? How'd you find out?"

"Er, I accidentally overheard them talking about it. They said it themselves."

Lily stared off into the distance for so long that I was about to ask her what she was thinking about, when she suddenly spoke. "Merlin!"

"What?"

"The map, did they say what it looks like?"

I shook my head. "No."

We stood in silence for a long moment, both lost in thought. The flow of students towards the Great Hall was growing and we were receiving some odd looks as other students passed us.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed so abruptly that Lily started. "I think I've seen it before."

"Really? When?"

"The day of Sirius's birthday. I told him to find me in the castle to meet me in the evening, since I knew I wouldn't need to tell him where I was going to be. And he was carrying a spare bit of parchment in his pocket. He pulled it out and showed me."

Lily's eyes lit up. "What did it have on it?"

"That's the thing, it was blank. But he never elaborated about what it was. I didn't think much of it at the time, but it seems so unlike him to be carrying around random bits of parchment in his trouser pockets."

Lily shifted the strap of her bookbag on her shoulder. "Since it's a map, it would make sense that it'd be a magical map on parchment. And we already know that it's a physical object."

We stood there in silence again, mulling over what we knew so far. I was so busy concentrating on fitting the pieces of the puzzle together that I didn't notice Avery, Mulciber and Rosier stopping in front of us until their ringleader spoke. "Where's your blood traitor, Grindylow?" Avery spat.

I snarled. "What're you doing here, Avery? Shouldn't you be off torturing puppies?"

He laughed. "Yeah, fancy coming with me to watch?"

"No, sorry. I'm not feeling bloodthirsty enough today, but clearly you always are."

The three of them guffawed. "What a compliment, Grindylow," Rosier said with a nasty grin.

Lily gave them all a disparaging look. "Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, go away or I'll start docking House points and giving you detentions."

"Ooohhh, Evans. How scary," Rosier said.

"Ah, boys! There you are. How lovely to see some of my best seventh-year boys first thing in the morning," Slughorn said as he stopped on his way into the Great Hall. "And good morning, Miss Evans." The boys greeted their Head-of-House and to our relief, Slughorn swept them off with him on his way in, peppering them with questions about what their parents and other pureblood family members were accomplishing in their adult lives after Hogwarts.

Lily tucked some hair behind her ears and let out a big breath. "Crisis averted."

"Crisis averted," I agreed.

She went back to mulling over the new information that I'd given her, biting her lip. "Hypothetically, let's say we had a magical map. A map that let us find whomever we wanted and which wasn't fooled by even the Polyjuice Potion…" She trailed off and we looked at each other. "It would make a lot of sense if we were to… enchant the map to make sure that only we could read it, wouldn't it?"

"Fuck, of course! D'you reckon they used magic to make it appear blank when they're not using it?"

She nodded. "I wish that we could have a look at it in person."

I chuckled. "But then we'd have to tell them how we figured it out. And I don't want to tell them I happened to hear them talking about it, they might accuse me of being a stalker."

She giggled and then sighed. "I hate to admit it, but I reckon we wouldn't have found out what it was if you hadn't overheard them. I was well and truly stumped."

"Wonder when they first… got it? Or did they make it? Can you buy magical maps at Zonko's?"

Lily shook her head. "It sounds too sophisticated to be from Zonko's. And if you could buy them, then why have we never heard of them? Invisibility cloaks are exceptionally rare but I've heard of them."

I hummed in agreement and stared through the doors of the Great Hall, lost in thought. How did one go about enchanting a piece of parchment to track people? I moved to stand next to Lily, avoiding being run over by a gaggle of second-year boys who were racing each other into the Hall. The babble inside was growing louder as the benches filled with more and more students with each passing minute.

"Shit!" Lily exclaimed.

"What? What is it?" I said, looking at her in alarm.

She was grinning at me. "I know how they did it! At least, I think I know how. In fifth year, when I still thought James was an arrogant toerag, he cornered me in the library in the evening. He was trying to ask me if I'd read anything about the Homonculous charm. He was very persistent and wouldn't leave me alone until I told him to check the section in the library that would have books about it. I didn't think much of it, except I went and looked up the charm later."

"What does the charm do?"

"It tracks all the people in a certain area when cast onto a map."

I stared at Lily. "That's it!"

We laughed and high-fived. "We did it!"

Some fourth-years walked by us and gave us weird looks, wondering why we were celebrating outside the doors like our House team had won the Quidditch Cup. When they moved into the Hall, I started shimmying and doing a victory dance, and Lily burst out laughing.

"Merlin's arsehole!"

Lily and I stopped laughing and I stilled, looking very guilty as James, Sirius and Peter walked towards us. My stomach flip-flopped when I saw Sirius, his hands in his pockets and his eyes drinking me in. I swallowed and cleared my throat.

"Hey, old man," I said, watching him with equal intensity. I took in his dark curls, full lips, and cheekbones, wishing that I could drag him off into a broom cupboard right now to shag him.

"Hey, kitten," he said, a smirk shaping his lips. His gaze fell to my mouth and I knew that he was thinking along the same lines that I was.

James wrapped an arm around Lily. "You two looked very enthusiastic," he said, smiling down at his girlfriend.

Lily avoided the question. "Where's Remus?" she asked.

James and Sirius exchanged the briefest of glances before Sirius spoke calmly. "His aunt is sick again. He had to go visit her in London."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "Send him my condolences, will you?"

He nodded and Peter began biting his fingernails. Sirius turned his attention away from Lily and my heart leapt when he stared at me. "Kitten, you've got… leaves in your hair," he said and chuckled.

My hands flew to my hair, which I was wearing down around my shoulders. "Really? Where?"

"Oh, dear. I see them now," Lily said.

I ran my hands over my head. "I can't even feel them. How's that even possible? How much is in there?"

"Quite a bit."

"Shit." I sighed and met Sirius's eyes. "Could you help me get them out, old man?"

He grinned, his grey eyes twinkling. "Of course, kitten." I turned slightly away from him so that he could begin trying to pick the foliage out. I'd obviously forgotten to clean myself up from the forest before I'd headed back inside. I shivered when I felt his fingers brush my back as he plucked organic matter from my hair, and I tried not to jump in surprise when he pinched my arse when no one was looking. Sneaky dog.

"How did you get leaves in your hair, Kersti?" Lily asked me, wiggling her eyebrows knowingly at me and Sirius.

"Dunno," I said and shrugged.

"All done, kitten."

I flashed Sirius a grin. "Thanks, old man." I looked down at my feet and laughed at the bits of leaves on the stone floor. "Jesus Christ, I had a whole tree up there."

James shrugged and looked away from watching Lily, who was blushing under his arm. "At least you don't have a stick up your arse."

I started laughing so hard that I wheezed, the combination of my stress and lack of sleep driving me to hysterics.

James raised an eyebrow at me laughing my head off and looked at Sirius. "Usually you're the one to make her laugh, Padfoot," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Sirius rolled his eyes and grumbled something inaudible.

"Kersti?"

I was wiping the tears from my eyes, still laughing sporadically when Emily, Tess and Lia stopped on their way into the Hall. I laughed and waved goodbye to Lily and blew Sirius a kiss before I joined the girls and walked with them through the doors. Just before we entered, I looked back and found Sirius still watching me, and when our eyes met a brilliant grin split his face. I couldn't help the warm feeling in my chest when I thought about how I was responsible for such a smile. Then again, I was also grinning like a simpleton as I walked away. I couldn't explain it, but somehow we made each other happy, and there was nothing wrong with that.