Dear Readers,
I am sorry I could only release one chapter this weekend. I am consumed by work as Erik is with Don Juan. I want time to write and I hope to have time for edits this week. Wishing you all the best.
Chapter 30: The Boy is now a Man
` "Oh Christine, you are safe," cried Meg. "I was ever so worried when you were swallowed up by the crowd." I pulled away from Raoul and I am sure my face was crimson. Good kind Meg ignored my flush and instead through her arms around me. "Oh Monsieur Vicomte, you were so brave going into the crowd to get Christine."
"I would slay a monster for my Little Lotte," said Raoul as he reached to stroke my face.
I pulled away. What was I doing? I wanted Erik and not Raoul. He misinterpreted my move. "Are you hurting Little Lotte?" and he reached out to examine my face.
I had allowed him to believe that he could presume on our relationship. "Thank you Monsieur Vicomte. It was so good of you to come get me. I am grateful for your act of kindness."
"Raoul, please. Monsieur Vicomte is so formal. Are we not friends as before?" he asked, mere inches away. His eyes were kind and gentle."
In my time his words made sense but Erik had warned me about the ramifications of being too familiar. But Erik had said to trust Raoul and I needed friends who would look out for me. "Thank you Raoul." His face lit up and he flashed me a brilliant smile. I was torn, not wanting to lead him on, but I smiled back in spite of my thoughts, unable to resist responding to a smile.
"Are you alright Christine?" He asked with concern in his eyes as he tilted his head down further.
"I feel fine. I might have some bruising show up later but I do not feel any discomfort," I said. "Meg are you alright?" I asked turning to her and my arm bumped into Raoul causing me to lose my balance. Suddenly his arm was about me, steadying me.
"Ah, Thank you." I took a step forward out of his arms. Meg eyes travel from Raoul's to mine. "Meg?" I asked.
Monsieur Vicomte protected me from the crowd and when we realized we couldn't reach you he brought me to this side street with an alcove here where I would be safe while he returned to find you." I could feel Raoul behind me. "I am fine. I am afraid, you were the ones to take the brunt of the chaos.
"Madomoiselles, allow me to hire us a cab and escort you back to the opera house." he asked.
I looked to Meg for my social cue. She answered for me, "We would be much obliged to Monsieur Vicomte." He walked us to the street's edge and quickly hailed a cab, effectively removing us from the area.
Raoul sat across from us. "Thank you Raoul. You have been so good to us." I said as I saw the Palais Garnier come into view."
"Please allow me to see you both again. Ladies would you join me for lunch?"
"If my mother accompanies us Monsieur," added Meg. Good Meg for keeping me out of trouble.
"Of course Mademoiselle Giry. May we set a date?" he pressed. "I can be available for lunch any day this week."
He really was persistent. After he rescued us lunch seemed a small price to pay as a thank you. "Let us write to you instead Monsieur. Meg and I must talk with Madame Giry first as we can't presume on her schedule," I replied tactfully.
The cab rolled to a stop and Roaul alighted offering his hand to first Meg and then myself as we were excited. His hand however lingered on mine and he brought it up to his lips and I felt the warmth of his breath on my knuckles. I started. He looked me steadily in the eyes. "I care for you Christine. Let me care for you Christine."
"You don't know me," I stuttered back.
"I know enough to know I want you and I am willing to be patient, to learn to know you better if you will allow me the privilege."
"I will write Raoul with a date." I promised. Inside my head I scream, Ahh what was I getting into.
A few days later I met Raoul in the lobby with Meg and Madame Giry as our chaperone. "Thank you for accompanying us ladies," he said, bowing, and kissing each of their hands. "You look lovely Mademoiselle Daee!" he exclaimed, raising my hand to his lips. Thank you for agreeing to have lunch with me. Shall we go?" and he offered me his arm. I rested my arm over his and followed him to his carriage. His servants opened the door and he assisted Madame Giry, Meg, and me into the open carriage. Then he followed after, taking a seat next to Madame Giry since I had elected to sit by Meg.
He had chosen a restaurant with a glass atrium that had allowed them to fill the space with large planters that were clustered to create eating nooks and aford us some privacy so that we felt as if we were eating in an enchanted forest. He addressed Madame. Giry first, "Thank you for accepting my invitation for lunch. The ballet scenes in Il Muto are lovely, Madame."
"The ballet pieces were easier to rehearse for Il Muto because they are not embedded within the opera but instead stand alone scenes. The girls were able to reliably practice and learn their spacing without fear of running into a set piece, prop, or singer. I have had more of their attention and I have been able to focus on their dance lines and shaping so that they move synchronously through the steps. Last week we were working on footwork and this week our focus has been on arms cleaning up arms. I fear I can prattle on and on about my art Monsieur Vicomte, forgive me."
"I ask Madame Giry and remember I am a patron and I do have a vested interest in the success of the opera. And Mademoiselle Giry, how have you been?"
"I have been fine Monsieur Vicomte, The show has been very exciting for me because I have had my first solo. It is in Act 3.
"It can't be your first, Mademoiselle Giry. You are a beautiful dancer, surely with your own mother able to train you," complimented Raoul.
"Meg and I agreed that we would not advance her career at the expense of either of our reputations. You are correct Monsieur Vicomte, that my daughter is a beautiful dancer. I would have seen her perform solos much earlier than this except certain things prevented us. I am confident in her ability to hold her own."
I clapped my gloved hands together, "Congratulations Meg, I had no idea that this was your first solo." I was one of the background dancers. "I will do my best not to mess up the dance for you."
"Mademoiselle Daee, you will do your best. If you have any doubts then you will need to practice more," lectured Madame.
"Madame Giry, I was only teasing Meg," I replied.
Madame Giry gave me the look, taking me to task, as she had in class. I needed to remember that I should not trifle with Madame Giry.
"How are you, Christine, how is your voice? Is that why they gave you a silent role?" he asked, turning to me.
"My voice is much better. I am recovered but it was unknown by when so I gladly accepted the silent role. Seniora Giudicelli has been nicer to myself and cast for this production," I said tactfully.
"It is about time that she be put in her place. I had talked to the manager regarding her conduct toward you. I felt they were brushing me off with some tale of an opera ghost that had spooked her, making her off temper. I realize that they are as new to the theater as I am but they need to figure out how to manage their cast. But I digress my dear for they have it figured out and you no longer have to suffer from her."
His comment grated on me. I had made the sacrifice that had made amends with Carlotta not the managers. How quickly he assumed. His comment reminded me of his propensity toward being in control. Hadn't he forced Christine to sing the part of Aminta to capture Erik. I chill ran through me at the prospect of that chain of events being put into motion. Yes Erik had wanted me but he had let me go and was full of remorse. Now it appeared he never wanted to see me again for my benefit. The Erik I knew would not kill Piangi in his quest for me. I dearly hoped that aspect of the show was an embellishment, to show his character crazed and make his threat to Raoul at the end of the show all the more terrifying. Raoul appeared to not believe in the Phantom and I would never tell Erik's secrets. I would do my best to make sure they never met. Surely they were safe from each other.
I wrote Erik another note once I had returned from the luncheon. I took a detour to box 5 on my way to the performance that night.
The morning came and I dressed early, hopeful that Erik would come. I had taken to moving his ring to my left hand when I was sure to be alone. The fingers of my right hand ran across the smooth surface of the stone, connecting me to him. He did not come that morning, nor the many mornings that followed. Oh how was I to reach the man I lamented, what words could I write to bring him to my side.
The show had gone well. The audience enjoyed my silent flirtatious banter with Carlotta earning us many laughs. I rushed off stage after the curtain calls wanted to be out of the crush and out of my stage makeup and costume. Suddenly a hand reached out to arm.
"Christine?" I startled so deep in my thoughts.
"Oh Raoul," I said bringing my hand to my heart, "You startled me."
"Forgive me, Little Lotte. I only wanted to see you again and give you these." He brought a bouquet of Camellias, pink, red, and white. Their meaning was not lost on me. Erik had a book in his library, Le Language de Fleursand which had fascinated me. Knowing I was reading the book he had taken to playing a game of sorts with me by creating bouquets for me to decipher. Raoul's flowers said I am longing for you, you're a flame in my heart, and you are adorable.
He was clear with his intentions.
Oh Raoul, why did you have to show up now? Given the Parisian society I was growing to understand I realized he really was my prince charming. I had been raised to not settle but marry for love. I didn't know Raoul well enough to love him. Maybe I needed to give him a chance. What of Erik? I wasn't the type of girl to date two men at once. We were on a break but not one of my choice. Would Erik ever come back to me? How long should I wait? Here was Raoul, who for all intents seemed like a decent man to love in this world where women were virtually powerless. Would he treat me as an equal as I had demanded that Erik do?
"Raoul, you probably think I am crazy but I want to take things slowly. I have to be honest with you that I was seeing another man and I am still dealing with my feelings. We are on a break but I do have strong feelings for him so I do not think it fair to you or him if I were to allow you to court me. I am conflicted in that I like you both but for different reasons."
"I knew I had competition," he said. The man you call, Angel of Music?" he asked.
"Yes, he and I had a disagreement but I fervently wish to be back with him," I said and then added, "I am sorry for the pain I have just caused you."
"My advantage is that he does not return your affection. Your candor is something I have always admired Christine. You have none of the falsities that the ladies Phillipe presses me to pay court to do. You are a breath of fresh sea air. I am not sure if all the Swedish ladies are all like you but you are remarkable. Let us not call it courting then if it pleases you more to do so. Know that I do want to marry you though. May we meet as friends? Let us get to know each other as you said."
I felt my heart constrict and I grew anxious searching for a logical solution. Everything I knew about Raoul said I should say yes to getting to know him. He was the better choice. Then why did I feel like if I said yes I would be betraying Erik and my own heart.
"You are a good man Raoul, please allow me time. I was just seeing him and I do not want to rush into seeing you so soon when I have not figured out myself. I want to be sure that we are compatible. I for you and you for I."
"How much time? I only say this because my brother is on my heels to take a wife. I admire my brother for many things but his marriage is not one of them. I want my wife and my friend to be one in the same. We get along so well, Little Lotte."
His impassioned speech made my heart twist. He wanted the same things I wanted in a partner. I realized I had written him off before getting to know him inlu of Erik. I hadn't realized he was under family and societal pressure to take a wife. He seemed to be a good man, maybe he was a better choice for me, if I were to continue to reside in 1879. I hadn't wanted to be in this love triangle. I wanted Erik, yet he was ignoring me. And here was Raoul, ready to court Christine. Was I being an idiot to throw Raoul away without a chance. He would be dependable and I would want for nothing. Maybe just maybe he would sweep me off my feet. He had swept Christine off her feet. She had loved him.
Raoul took us to lunch again, the following week. The Girys were so good to accompany me. This time he took us to a terraced café that overlooked the Seine River. I was staring off into the distance watching a boat following the curving water around the bend.
"Are you alright Christine? You are off in another world. You seemed distracted during dance rehearsal too. I noticed that you kept looking around."
I looked apologetically at Madame. "It is nothing." I replied. Nothing but Erik, who fills my thoughts I said to myself.
"Nothing is important to me if it concerns you," he replied. I saw Meg and her mother exchange looks that in any century indicated that they would want to talk to me later.
I am worried about a friend. I am sorry it is detracting from our meal."
"Would this friend be your Angel of Music, the man you were seeing?" he pressed.
Both Meg and Madame Giry gave me their own look. I felt like a specimen under inspection. Sometimes I was too honest with my feelings and thoughts.
"Yes, I am afraid my mind had drifted to our quarrel" I said.
Raoul took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "I can see you are upset. I can be patient Little Lotte."
I smiled at him. He was so kind but I really didn't know why he wanted to wait for me. He didn't really know me. There must be many ladies that were not lamenting over another man that would probably marry him. He doesn't want them though, he wants you. I was flattered but still puzzled over his persistence to court me.
I searched for a way to change the subject, "Monsieur. Vicomte, Would you like a piece of bread? I hear France is known for its bread."
He smiled at my jest. "Yes, I would Mademoiselle Daee." and he took the bread from the basket I was holding out to him. Just then a waiter arrived with four covered dishes. "I took the liberty of ordering for us ahead because I wanted to surprise you with something special. I hope you do not mind. Madame Giry and Mademoiselle Giry were kind enough to allow me to take their orders earlier."
The dish was placed in front of me and the lid removed. I began to giggle as meatballs, I assume Swedish, potatoes and gravy were revealed.
"What is so funny? he asked.
"It's just that you are so sweet and thoughtful. You succeeded in surprising me." I said smiling.
"I hope they are to your liking," he commented. "I am glad to have brought a smile to your face."
I cut one and bit into it and thought Ikea they are giving you a run for your money. The rest of the lunch was sweet. He made us laugh and was kind and considerate. He returned us to the theater by 2:00pm so we had more than enough time to rest and ready for the evening performance.
Following the show, Madame Giry invited me to her room for tea with her. Once the tea had steeped and the cups were poured she spoke her mind.
"Christine, are you sure you want to court the Vicomte, if you have feelings for another? Erik is the friend you mentioned at lunch, is he not?"
"How do you know him?" I recalled Meg mentioning that her mother knew I was with my Angel of Music and not my aunt the first time I was gone. How well did the Girys know Erik?
"I ran into Erik at a circus many years ago. Has he shared with you any of his past?" she asked.
"Not really, he doesn't talk about himself. He did share a bit about his childhood with his mother," I said.
"I do not want to share the secrets that are his alone," replied Madame Giry.
Suddenly I was sharing my muddled thoughts regarding Erik to this mother figure in Christine's life. I had forgotten that she knew Erik and I hoped that she cared for him too. "I know that his life has been an unhappy and lonely one, that his own mother, mistreated and abused him, until he ran away when he was thirteen, I think. So much of his life has seen unhappiness, all because of his face. I do not fear his face. I love him Madame but then he was controlling and I needed a break from our relationship. We were still friends I think. When he finally realized what he had done and I didn't hear from him for weeks. I miss him Madame. He wrote me a note releasing me from any relationship, telling me that I am better off without him. I miss him Madame. Erik is a musical genius, so clever, witty, and lovable.
She looked at me oddly, "I didn't think I would hear anyone describe Erik as lovable," she said.
I continued on, "The way his face lights up when he smiles. I had been collecting ways to make him smile. He can be so sweet." I think I was so eager to tell someone about my relationship with Erik. "But it is done madame. He had not been responding to my notes for several weeks until this note." I had taken to keeping his note on my person. I handed her the note with its worn creased folds, trusting her. She read it to herself.
"You should not be courting the Vicomte, my dear if you are still pining for Erik," she said. "Are afraid to be alone, unwed?" she asked.
"Maybe a small part of me is afraid to be alone, but I honestly did not know what to say when the Vicomte kept asking me. He is kind and I am so overwhelmed by the attention. Madame, what should I do?"
She took both my hands and spoke, "If Erik was here would you be thinking of the Vicomte?"
"No"
"I think you have your answer to where your heart lies. Tell the Vicomte that you are not ready to be courted. Be fair to yourself and Erik, do not muddy the waters. You are correct that Erik has not had an easy life. He is a very private man and yet he let you into his life, trusting you to not hurt him. He must have done something reprehensible to remove himself from your life and yet you love him."
"He will not hurt me like that again. I have forgiven him, Madame. We were getting along so well again and then he came to a realization and he has removed himself from my life."
"He must love you very much to want to protect you from himself, to put your happiness before his own."
"I love him , Madame. I am truly the happiest with him." I reached out to Madame Giry and I hugged her as I might my own mother. It was so nice to know that I had a family with her and Meg. She didn't think I was irrational to prefer Erik.
I wrote Erik another note.
Dear Erik,
Thank you for your note. I forgive you. I disagree with you. I am not better off without you in my life. The Vicomte has taken me out to lunch with Madame Giry and Meg. He wants to court me but all I can think of is you. I hear you and your music inside my head. How are you faring? Are you as miserable as I feel at the loss of you in my life? I spoke with Madame Giry about our relationship today and I told her I love you, Erik. Please do not stay distance for my sake. I am happiest when I am with you.
Love,
Your Friend and Angel
Historical Note
The Le Language de Fleursand was written in Paris in 1819 and was the earliest flower dictionary.
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