Derek came back from the kitchen with the potatoes and the carrots to find Stiles and Laura laughing. He set the food down with a smile.

"Told you it would be okay," he whispered to Stiles when he took his seat next to her.

Dinner was still a bit awkward at first but Stiles being a beautiful woman was only partly responsible for that. They were officially a couple now and as the alpha, Laura had to accept Stiles which under the given circumstances was not even a pro forma kind of thing anymore. Laura and Stiles knew each other, they had spent a whole afternoon playing video games together, Laura had accepted Stiles quite a while ago. She had been the one, encouraging Derek to pursue this. If not as Stiles' partner at least as their friend.

The bigger part was the fact that Stiles was investigating the fire. She'd said that she would drop it if Derek or Laura asked her to and Derek believed her but Laura wanted to give it a shot. It couldn't hurt, right?

Derek had agreed even if everything in him was against it. It was the right thing to do and it was still questionable if Stiles would even find anything helpful but still …

Guilt crept up on him and Derek had to force the piece of meatloaf down his suddenly too-tight throat. Laura and Stiles were too engaged in their conversation to notice for which he was grateful. Derek coughed and washed down the rest with a sip of water.

Laura threw him a glance, he didn't want to know what his scent was telling her about him, and he managed a tight smile.

"I don't want to open any wounds," Stiles assured Laura. "But it's not right that whoever did this is still out there. My dad is trying but he doesn't know."

Derek had the exact same conversation with Stiles before so he tuned them out, he didn't want to hear it again. Mechanically he shoveled carrots and peas into his mouth. The mashed potatoes tasted like glue and it seemed to just grow in his mouth by the second until it was too big to swallow. Derek used his napkin to spit it out as discreetly as possible. Accepting his defeat he pushed his plate away.

"Derek?" Laura asked, a worried eye on him.

"I'm fine," he said and hid behind his glass of water. He needed to wash down the taste.

"Sorry." Stiles placed a hand on his forearm. "I know this is tough for you."

You have no idea, Derek wanted to say but didn't.

Stiles didn't go into detail, this was neither the time nor the place to discuss this, she just wanted Laura to understand what she was doing and why she was doing it. Derek gritted his teeth through the conversation and he breathed in relief when Laura gave her permission for Stiles to continue with the case.

"Not now but I would like to talk to you separately," Stiles said. "About what happened, what you remember. If that's okay?" The question was directed at Laura but Stiles was looking at Derek.

"Okay?" Stiles gave his arm an assuring squeeze.

"Okay." Derek nodded. He had no idea why he agreed to this and he was pretty sure that everything would just bubble out of him once Stiles started to ask questions but he nodded in agreement.

"I'll text you to set something up," Laura agreed as well. "Dessert?" She changed the topic and Derek jumped at the chance to clear the table.

They had ice cream with chocolate sauce, simple but comforting. It reminded Derek of his childhood but this was a fond memory. Derek looked over to Laura, wondering if she was thinking about sitting in their kitchen as well. Swinging his legs and telling his mom about his day while he was eating ice cream. It had been a thing in the summer.

Derek hated how little things like this tended to sneak up on him.

"Did I tell you that my boss made cupcakes for me?" Stiles broke the moment. Derek shared a last glance with Laura, both of them with a sad smile on their lips, but then he let Stiles carry him away with her tale about cupcakes stabbed with plastic knives and how the whole office had tried to steal them.

With the heavy stuff out of the way, they returned to their usual chatter. Stiles made it easy. She knew how to tell a story and she littered it with sarcastic remarks.

Then Laura told them about her work at the gaming store. Derek wasn't sure when helping out had turned into actually working there but he was happy for her. It was just a few hours, she assured him. Just to help out Kira while they were understaffed. Sure.

"Why don't I know about that store?" Stiles wondered. "I have to check it out."

With that, she and Laura were engaged in a conversation about the store which quickly turned into a discussion about video games. It kind of left out Derek but he was fine with just listening to them. He watched his sister slash alpha animatedly talking to his partner current girlfriend. Derek liked it, it felt domestic. Like home. Stiles could become pack. They would still be far from the pack he was used to but it would be more than just the two of them. It was a nice thought.

For a little while, Derek let himself dream. He cherished every second of it because he knew it wouldn't last. It couldn't.

Way too soon he had to get ready for work which was Stiles' cue as well since Derek was driving her.

Laura and Stiles hugged their goodbye and they promised to text. Not only because of that one thing but they needed to have another gaming session as well soon. And Stiles had to promise to come by the store.

"This went better than expected." Stiles stretched out her legs as far as the foot room in the car allowed it. Since Derek would just drop Stiles off and would head straight to work, they were in his old Ford.

"You two have a lot in common."

"Jealous?" Stiles grinned at him.

Maybe he was. But at the same time, he dared to hope that Stiles and Laura would stay friends once he was out of the picture. Without him, Laura would be all alone.

"What's up with you?" Stiles narrowed her eyes on him.

"Hmm?" Derek played dumb.

"Something is bothering you," Stiles observed. "For quite a while now."

"It's nothing," Derek lied.

"You can talk to me, you know that, right?" Stiles' voice became soft and she put a hand on his knee. Just resting there, comforting, reassuring.

It came as a relief when they reached Stiles' place.

Stiles would have to get to work on her own tomorrow, Derek's shift was too long, but they would see each other later that day. Derek wondered if he could delay their conversation about the fire for a day or two but he just knew that Stiles wanted to talk about it as soon as possible.

They kissed goodbye and then Derek drove off to work.

At least that kept his mind off other things.

He texted Stiles about his customers throughout his shift even when sometime after midnight Stiles stopped answering. Derek hoped that they were in bed by now. It was the beginning of the week so there were not many customers anyway. Derek had some downtime here and there which gave him time to think.

In the morning Stiles told him that they had made it out of bed on time and were now heading towards the office. Derek wished them a good day.

Derek's shift ended an hour later. Laura was still sleeping when he came home so he took his shower as quietly as possible, ate some leftovers without bothering to heat them up, and then crawled into bed. It had been a long night and he was exhausted but sleep didn't come. He was lying wide awake in his bed, staring blindly at the ceiling.

He heard Laura getting up and then there was the smell of coffee. It was tempting to get up and get some but then Laura would ask why he wasn't sleeping.

He thought about Stiles.

It was not fair to them. Yesterday Derek had encouraged them to take their relationship a step farther and they had jumped at that but it was not fair. Derek knew that it couldn't last and he was only clinging to it for selfish reasons. He was leading Stiles on and that was not right.

Derek tossed and turned for another hour before he gave up. Laura knew that he wasn't sleeping anyway, who was he trying to fool here?

"Can't sleep?" She stated the obvious when he entered the kitchen to get some coffee. "You want to talk about it?"

Derek just grumbled into his coffee.

"That bad?" She let out a sigh. They had been here before. Derek had mostly communicated with grunts, had barely left his room, and had most of the time been working out to get numb enough to sleep. Or he had watched documentaries to keep himself from sleeping.

"Derek." She reached for him but he shrugged her off. He finished his coffee in three angry gulps and then he retreated to his room.

The workout was not enough to let him pass out but it was enough to pass the time until he was supposed to drive over to Stiles' place.

He took a shower while Laura made sandwiches for them.

"Thank you." He let her hug him and after a second he hugged her back.

"Maybe Stiles can put your mind on other things." With a hand on the nape of his neck, she brought their foreheads together. "You know what I smelled on them yesterday." She gave him a sleazy smile.

"Gross." Derek made a face but he couldn't deny that he'd been the one who had told Stiles to not shower that thoroughly. He'd liked their combined scent on them. And the proof that he was able to satisfy his partner.

"I'm your big sister, it's my job to make you uncomfortable with sex talk." Her smile turned real and Derek couldn't help but smile as well.

"Now go, they're waiting for you." She slapped him on the butt to get him going. "And take a long shower before you come home."

Derek waved her off and hurried out of the kitchen before she could remind him to use a condom.

He drove over to Stiles' place but then he was just sitting in the car for long minutes. He didn't know what to do. He'd made up his mind but then he'd changed it constantly. It was tempting to just sit back and let things happen. It was like watching a car crash, horrible and he knew that it wouldn't end pretty but he was still unable to look away.

It was not fair. Not for Stiles, not for Laura. It wasn't fair for him either but he'd accepted that as part of his punishment a long time ago.

In the end, Derek got out of the car. He grabbed the plate with the sandwiches and then he took the stairs up to Stiles' apartment. It felt like he was walking up to the gallows.

Stiles opened the door. Derek noticed jeans and a graphic t-shirt under the red hoodie, Stiles was back to their indifferent self. They took the plate out of Derek's hands.

"Derek?" Stiles asked when Derek walked past them. Like a sleepwalker, he made his way into the living room where he stopped.

"Derek?" Stiles followed him. "What's going on?"

For a long second, Derek couldn't speak and when he opened his mouth, he didn't know what the words would be that were forcing their way out. Even if he wanted to, he had no control over this any longer. Derek closed his eyes and let the words fell from his numb lips.

"I murdered my whole family."