All the King's Horses
Summary: Cana died during the battle against Grimoire Heart. And everyone is trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces.
Disclaimer: I don't own
Warning: Character death, people trying to cope with character death, mention (nothing graphic) of severe headwounds, blood- this is just all around really heavy guys.
AN: This is actually something I originally intended to publish with the original six chapters, but it had to go back to the drawing board five or six times until I finally had something I was happy with.
Cana had said that this would be her last trial.
She'd said it with the same certainty as she gave any of her other predictions. And when Cana made a prediction, she was never wrong, but Lucy wished that it hadn't come true like this.
Because her friend had been right: she was never going to participate in another trial. Nor was she ever going to return to the guild. She was never going to drink a bar dry or tease her about her love life or throw another party. She was never going to give her good advice or comfort her friends when they were sad.
Yes, she had said that this would be her last trial, but Lucy had desperately wished that it would be the first time she was wrong.
The sun was shining down on the temporary base camp.
It shouldn't be.
One of the most amazing people in the world was dead. It should be storming, it should be desolate, and rainy and miserable. But wanting something will not make it so.
All the devastation in the world will not stop the sun from shining and nor would it bring Cana Alberona back.
Her friend had been wrapped in the best sheet that they could find- a simple, white, cotton bedsheet that was a poor excuse for a shroud. With blood-stained bandages holding what was left of her skull together.
They had won the day, but at a cost.
Lucy felt numb.
She barely noticed when Wendy had come over, her small shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs, and healed her wounds. She had barely noticed when someone had pressed a mug of tea into her hand, that had long since gone cold. She could hear the voices of her family around her, but she couldn't understand what they were saying.
All she could do was stare at the wrapped corpse that had once been her best friend.
Cana had been right, she had left the guild forever. But forever had never felt as permanent as it did now.
oOOOOo
"She hasn't left her side." Erza reported solemnly as she stared at the devastated celestial wizard," And she hasn't responded to anything around her, I'm not even sure if she knows that we're here."
"Its to be expected I suppose." Mira whispered, her eyes swollen from all the tears she'd cried," I'd never seen Cana open up to someone like she did with Lucy. And Lucy is the type of person who loves hard."
"True." The armored wizard agreed, almost as an afterthought.
Cana had always been a peculiar person in Erza's life.
They had known each other, but not so well that Erza would call them friends. They'd had a mutual understanding, as two girls who each had their own burdens to carry, and pain to hide. Where Erza had hidden her pain behind armor, Cana had turned to drink, drowning her demons with a furvor that would have killed a lesser person.
She had always had her guard up, even the people who stood the closest to her had never known the true girl. They had seen what Cana allowed them to see- the carefree party girl who never took anything seriously.
But it had been different with Lucy.
Cana had connected with Lucy in a way that everyone had only seen her like with Gray. She hadn't had to force her smiles around Lucy, she hadn't had to pretend; Lucy had seen the Cana that Erza could only hypothesize from the rare glimpses over the years.
And Lucy had opened up to Cana equally.
Though, Erza had never seen Lucy be anything but the open, loving person that she was.
And for her to lose someone that she cared for so much-
Well, it was doubtful the Lucy that had come to Tenrou Island would ever be seen again.
"What does Master intend to do with- with the body?" Freed said, uncharacteristically stumbling over his words.
Both Erza and Mira turned to the green-haired man and shook their heads helplessly.
"I don't know." The former She-Devil said, eyes stinging as they tried to shed tears that had been completely spent," I don't think he's thought that far ahead yet."
Freed sighed," I had thought not."
The three stood in silence for a while, before Mira finally spoke up again.
"I thought it was finally going to be her year." The white-haired girl confessed," Even with everyone else competing- somehow I thought that this was finally going to be the year that everything worked out for her."
"I did as well." Freed agreed.
"I think we all did." Erza murmured.
Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
oOOOOo
"How's Lucy?" Lisanna asked quietly as she and Juvia began to prepare a meal for everyone, though how many actually felt like eating was debatable.
"Master cast a sleeping spell on her and now she's resting." The blue haired girl said in a monotone," My beloved Gray took over her vigil- he hasn't spoken since we all found out."
"I'm not surprised." The white haired girl commented, feeling her heart pull in her chest," She and Gray were always so close- when we all joined the guild I actually thought they were twins for the longest time."
"Really?"
"Yeah- they were pretty much attached at the hip." She said, feeling a lump building in her throat," I always thought that they'd go together, because I just couldn't picture a world where they were separate."
But now they would have to experience it for themselves.
Things were silent for a while, before Juvia finally spoke up," Did she have any other family?"
The youngest Strauss slowly shook her head," I don't think so-"
"Yes she did."
Both girls jerked and whirled around to face Lucy.
"Lucy what are you doing up-" Lisanna began, but the blonde cut her off.
"Cana's Dad is still alive." She informed them, her eyes as hollow as her voice," He's why S-Class was so important to her, she wanted to prove herself to him."
Lisanna and Juvia shared a look, before gently sitting the shell shocked girl down.
"I've never heard that before." Lisanna said gently," I thought she was an orphan just like the rest of us."
"She might as well have been." Lucy said dully," All she wanted was for him to acknowledge her, for him to be proud of her. She was so depressed she could barely get up in the morning."
"Juvia saw that she was sad, but she didn't know it was that bad."
"It was."
For a moment, all was silent, but Lucy abruptly stood up and began heading away from the camp.
"Lucy where are you going?" Juvia called after her in concern.
But the blonde didn't answer and continued on her way.
oOOOOo
"Mind telling me why we're bothering to do this?" Natsu asked, unusually subdued," Its not like anyone feels like eating."
"Aye." Happy said solemnly," Fish don't sound tasty right now even to me."
Gildarts sighed heavily," Think of this more as a way to get your mind off things." He advised," There's nothing any of us can do right now, nothing any of us really feel like doing, but spending a little time focusing on something besides our grief may make us feel better."
"I don't see how."
The Ace softened and pulled Natsu in for a hug," I know kid. But these things just happen and there's nothing you can do about it. None of us will feel any better today, or tomorrow, or any time soon really. But eventually we'll all wake up and realize that we don't mind carrying it around with us."
The pinkette clearly didn't believe him, but stayed quiet.
Gildarts was having his own struggles coping with this whole mess- and oddly little of it had to do with Cana herself.
Oh, he was grieving over her death too, but not for the reasons everyone else was. He had seen Cana grow up- sprouting up from a tiny little thing to the brilliant woman she had become, but he hadn't really known her. Not like the others did.
Everyone was grieving the loss of a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a comrade- he was grieving for a life cut too short.
He had spoken to Cana only a handful of times in all the years she'd been with the guild. He had seen the powerful mage and vibrant presence that she had become- but she had essentially been a stranger.
At the news of a strangers death, you may feel a momentary flash of sadness for the loved ones left behind- but you don't mourn for them. Their death doesn't warrant more than a footnote in your life story, if even that much.
And Gildarts was ashamed to say that the first emotion he'd felt upon hearing that Cana was dead, was relief that it hadn't been Natsu.
That guilt would haunt him, he had no doubt about that.
But dammit he was relieved.
That the person who had lost their life wasn't someone he held dear. He wasn't glad that she was gone, but being happy that all his loved ones were accounted for wasn't something he could regret.
The sound of a twig snapping behind them had all three heads turning around, their guards coming back up as they dreaded a second fight.
"Lucy?" Natsu said in surprise as the blonde made her way over to them," I thought you were sticking around the camp."
The blonde gave her friend a weak smile that was clearly forced," I realized that I needed to tell Gildarts something."
The Ace blinked in surprise," Tell me what?"
Lucy ignored him and addressed Natsu and Happy," Could you guys give us a few minutes?"
The duo of boy and cat shared a confused look," Um, why-?"
"Please guys."
That got both of their attention, whatever this was had to be important.
"If you need us, just yell." Natsu informed the blonde as he and Happy walked off, leaving Lucy and Gildarts alone.
The Ace tried to figure out what she could possibly want to tell him that was so important," So, what's up?"
Lucy stared at him for a long moment," She did it all for you."
"What?" He asked, not comprehending what she was saying.
"Putting herself through the S-Class trials time after time, training until her fingers bled- Cana did it all for you. So you'd notice her, acknowledge her. She drove herself insane because she wanted your attention." Lucy said bitterly," You're even the reason she joined the guild."
Gildarts started as he tried to make sense of the gibberish coming out of this girls mouth," Why would she-?"
"Because she was your daughter."
Everything stopped- the birds stopped chirping, the water stopped flowing, the wind stopped blowing- even his heart stopped for a moment.
"...what?" He asked desperately (he had to have heard her wrong)," That's- theres no way-"
"But its true." Lucy said levelly," Cana's mother told her who you were and how to find you before she died, and Cana came all the way to Magnolia because she wanted to find you. She tried to tell you who she really was for years, but eventually she just stopped trying. She believed that you wouldn't want her for a daughter- that she was too weak for you to care. So she decided that if she made S-Class then she would finally be good enough to tell you who she really was."
Gildarts couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, all he could do is stare in mounting horror at the celestial wizard as he desperately wished that this would be nothing but a bad joke. That everyone would jump out of the trees and yell 'gotcha'! That little Cana would be among them laughing and making big mock bows as everyone applauded her acting.
The blonde stared at him, not even finding it in herself to care as his distress visibly mounted," I felt like you deserved to know. Whether or not she won the trials I was still going to make her tell you the truth. And now… all she ever wanted was for you to pay attention to her, I can't let them bury her with you still ignorant."
And with those final words, Lucy turned on her heel and walked away, leaving the devastated father alone to grieve.
oOOOOo
He wished he had some alcohol.
Figures- he finds out that he'd had a daughter right in front of him all this time, that she'd suffered from having to carry that secret around all these years, and that she died never having told him the truth- and all he wants to do is get drunk.
Gildarts couldn't believe it- didn't want to believe it- but Lucy had no reason to lie.
He'd had a daughter, all this time.
Cana had been so beautiful- he still remembered the first day he saw her. A tiny little girl with a tinier puppy, her big eyes had taken up half her face, and smile- guess he knew why she had given him that smile now.
And now as he searched his memory for every interaction he'd ever had with that beautiful little girl, the more he hated himself.
Because he remembered that little girl constantly trying to talk to him, that whatever she'd had to say had been very important, but he'd been too involved with his own damn self to ever give her the time of day.
He watched her grow up… watched her go from child, to adolescent, to teenager, and finally the beautiful young woman who was now wrapped in a white cotton bed sheet, the blood seeping from her wounds staining it crimson.
Who had her mother been?
Who had brought his child into the world? Why had she sent Cana to Fairy Tail when she'd died, why hadn't she told him as soon as she realized that she was pregnant?
Guess he'd never know.
'Putting herself through the S-Class trials time after time, training until her fingers bled- she did it all for you.'
Had she cried when she saw him be a father to Natsu and Lisanna and everyone else except for her? Why had he ignored her? It wasn't like he'd had a reason, a child that sweet deserved all the attention in the world. She deserved praise for the skills she'd developed, she deserved more than him.
He had been relieved when he'd found out that the casualty hadn't been someone he cared about. And now his guilt had turned to disgust- so what if he hadn't know she was his child? She'd still been someone's child.
He hadn't thought he'd had to care about Cana, and now he was certain he didn't have the right to mourn her.
Because he couldn't be certain if he would be grieving for her- the daughter he'd never known he had, for all the missed opportunities, and all the time he would never make up for- or if he was wallowing in his own guilt.
…who had tucked her in at night?
She'd stayed with Master for the first few months, but after?
Who had tucked that beautiful little girl into bed at night, who had read her bedtime stories about handsome princes and knights in shining armor? Who had taken care of her when she was sick? Who comforted her after she had a nightmare?
Who did she cry to when she saw her Daddy ignore her?
If only he could turn back time to the moment he saw that beautiful little girl standing outside the guildhall.
He'd do things right- he'd kneel down and ask the little lady what her name was and what she was doing there. And when she told him who she was he'd step up.
He give her the childhood that he never got- he tuck her into bed at night and read her as many stories as she wanted. He'd carry her on his shoulders so she could have the best view of the Fantasia parade. He'd kiss all her hurts away and tell her that he loved her every single day.
If only he could turn back time.
Instead, all he could do was wonder- 'what if'.
Because all the wishing in the world could not make the sun stop shining, it could not turn back time.
And it could not bring Cana Alberona back to life again.
AN: So, yeah that was definitely one of the darker ones I've written. No happy endings just a lot of hurt people and no easy ending in sight. Sorry? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Are you just wondering what the hell happened to the sweet fluff you were expecting? Please tell me!
As usual- expect an extra sweet chapter tomorrow as an apology!
