Chapter Thirty-Four: Helpless to Help Myself
NOTE: This chapter contains explicit sexual scenes, as well as discussion of sexual assault. If this is not something you are alright with, please skip this chapter.
Over the next few hours, the boys exchanged jovial conversation with each other as they finished the rest of the alcohol that Dana had provided them with. The labradoodle reveled in their company, as he was completely in his element while he spoke with both Legosi and Kachi.
It was, in essence, a miniature house party, the only difference being the number of guests and the fact that the black-furred canine was in his presence. It was all that Dana could have asked for, and it was the happiest he'd recalled being in a while. Every time he'd sneak a glance at Kachi, he couldn't help but smile.
With all parties however, things eventually had to wind down. They'd finished the rum around ten-thirty, and conversation began to slow by then as well. They'd then resorted to watching the show that was still playing on the computer. In that time, both Kachi and Dana had left the bedroom floor, opting instead to lie down on the bed.
By eleven o'clock, things were the quietest they'd been since they entered the room. Kachi had gotten up to lower the volume on the computer speakers, his reason being that since conversation had recommenced between himself and Dana, the show's volume was a bit too loud for their whispering.
Dana had been enjoying every moment of his company throughout the night, and when the two of them hopped onto the bed together, he struggled to contain himself. He was so close; all he had left to do was let him know.
As Kachi returned to the bed, Dana watched as he looked down to the floor, a look of growing concern spreading across his face. He rejoined Dana on the bed, looking into the labradoodle's eyes without saying anything.
The look on his face was cause for alarm. Why wasn't Kachi happy? Wanting nothing more than to see him smile again, Dana stepped in, "Is something the matter?" he asked.
Kachi propped himself up on his arm, "I don't know, I'm just a bit worried about Legosi. He's completely out of it on the floor down there. Makes me wonder if he's really just asleep or…y'know…" said Kachi slowly.
Dana clambered over the canine, causing him to jump slightly. With the glow of the screen being his only light source, Dana peered over the edge of the bed, seeing exactly what Kachi had described. On the floor next to the bed was Legosi, lying completely still.
Dana leaned in a little closer, searching for any sign that something could be wrong. Looking over the wolf's face, he could see that his eyes were closed, and his mouth was slightly ajar. Moving down to his chest, against the carpet and illuminated by the screen, Dana was able to make out its subtle rising and falling as he breathed.
Returning to his original position, Dana gave Kachi a comforting smile, "No, he's fine. He's asleep. Seems he's one of the ones that alcohol puts to sleep," he sighed, "I wish I was like that. I get pretty restless after drinking most of the time," he added.
Kachi chuckled, "I've noticed. You're pretty fidgety. You also seem to have taken a liking to the cuff of my sleeve there," he stated.
Only when Kachi pointed it out did Dana realize what he was doing. A quick glance downward was all it took to confirm that he had, in fact, been running his fingers gently along the cuff of one of Kachi's sweater sleeves.
He gasped as he looked back upward, "Sorry…did you want me to stop?" he asked sheepishly.
Kachi shrugged, "No, it's fine. It doesn't bother me." A quiet sigh of relief left the labradoodle as he tried fruitlessly to steady his heartrate.
Kachi then rolled onto his back, shifting his gaze to the ceiling, Dana continuing to run his fingers along Kachi's sleeve, "I've been thinking about how crazy it seems…we've been friends for almost fifteen years," he stated.
Kachi turned his head back toward Dana. Even though he wasn't looking toward the screen, his blue eyes still glowed as if he were. Dana practically melted as he gripped the canine's sleeve tighter in his hand, a big smile spreading across his face, "Yeah. You're the oldest friend I have!"
A gentle sigh left Kachi, "I'm glad we've been able to keep it together this long. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Dana's eyes went wide. It was as if Kachi was reading his mind; they were just the words he wanted to hear. His heart skipped a beat as he tugged at the sleeve, now with two hands, "Y-Yeah! I'm so glad I have you too. Especially after you disappeared. I know I probably said this already, but I missed you so much…" he said, his voice trailing off.
Dana watched as Kachi's smile slowly disappeared. His own began to fade along with it. He hated seeing Kachi upset. His heart ached whenever there was anything less than happiness on the canine's face. Before Dana was able to say or do anything to try and bring the smile he loved so much back, he was cut off.
Kachi sat upright against the wall, looking Dana straight in the eyes. Dana sat himself up in turn, forced to let go of the canine's sleeve. As he returned his hands to his lap, he felt how much they were shaking. Anxiety paired with excitement and alcohol wasn't allowing him to sit still.
Kachi remained silent for a few moments, seemingly unable to make his statement. He looked up to the labradoodle one last time. Seeing the concern in his expression, a frustrated sigh left him, "You think I didn't miss you too?" he asked quietly.
Dana's expression softened into one of sympathy, "I missed everything back home the second I stepped onto that train. It was then I realized that I fucked up, but I also knew I had to push through to be able to earn the right to come home," Kachi continued.
It took every fiber in Dana's being not to jump onto the canine and pull him into a much-needed hug. The sincerity and hurt in his words shattered Dana's heart, and all he wanted in that moment was to tell his friend that everything would be okay.
"Maybe not home, but to those who care. Like, just recently, to my father. And to you…" Kachi concluded, his eyes practically twinkling.
Kachi's words meant the world to Dana. He wasn't sure what it was he felt in that moment, but he knew it was something good. He couldn't stop himself from smiling if he wanted to. The fact that Kachi had considered him to be someone worth thinking about and coming home to only made the labradoodle want him more.
"Kachi. You can't possibly understand how much that means to me. In the weeks after you left, I was a total mess, and once you didn't come back to Pinecrest, it was like I was missing a part of myself. It was so hard being without you. That, paired with everything that happened after you disappeared… I'm surprised I even made it through to the end of this year," Dana rambled.
He was unsure why he just said what he did. Haunting memories of the months previous permeated his intoxicated mind. He was the lowest he'd ever been, and to say he was barely coping would be an understatement, "I don't remember our night on the hill that well. It was the most I've drank in a while, and for the first time in months, it wasn't because I was depressed…it was because I was so happy to see you.
"I wanted to have a good time with you. I was just…so overtaken by you being back, I…I just wanted to make the most of it before you disappeared again, because I know for a fact that good things don't last. You understand, don't you? You mean the world to me, you…you saved me…" Dana continued, his voice wavering. Despite the tears in his eyes, the smile on his face remained.
"Dana, I…I don't know what to say. I'm just…so happy. The fact that you can tell me that only means our friendship goes beyond just seeing and spending time with each other. Even with us being so far apart, and with all the uncertainty in our lives, it feels good knowing I have someone dependable and caring watching my back. You're unlike anyone else in my life, Dana, and in a way, we're more than friends…much more," Kachi replied.
"The strongest storms show the strongest roots…things might be calm now, but that only means we're in the eye of the hurricane. In this short time we have together before you inevitably leave again, I'll be sure to cherish every moment, as these memories will carry me through these next months, until the glorious day we meet again," Dana continued, his heart beating out of his chest as he poured his emotions out to the canine he loved so much.
Kachi's eyes twinkled, like two stars in the most elegant of constellations, "You were always so much better with words than I am, weren't you? The way you put it makes it sound so…beautiful…if this break is the eye of the hurricane, then we'll weather the rest of this storm together, regardless of distance. You hear me? I…I'm so sorry for leaving…A lapse in judgement tore my family apart…I thought I lost it all, but seeing as you're still here after all I put you through? God, how can you even tolerate me?" Kachi asked, his own voice wavering.
Dana shook his head, lunging forward and taking both the canine's wrists in his hands, "It doesn't matter anymore. You're here now. I know you didn't leave on purpose. None of what you did matters. I would never just up and abandon you, and now I know you'd never do the same to me. When everything crashes, your eyes are where I feel safe, I…"
Dana couldn't contain himself any longer. He leapt up onto Kachi's lap, pinning the canine's hands behind his head, "You said we're more than just friends, right? I…I feel the same way, Kachi…I've been thinking that for so long. For the longest time, all I've ever wanted was you…I…I want you…I need you…" continued Dana between breaths.
Confused, Kachi shot him a glare, his eyes as bright as always. Despite the confusion, the smile remained on his face, "Huh?"
Dana was shocked. He was surprised that Kachi hadn't gotten the message. Perhaps the alcohol was getting to him, too. A smirk crept onto the labradoodle's face. Perhaps a little more was required to get him to understand…
In an instant, Dana leaned forward, pressing his lips down onto Kachi's. He felt the canine tense up the moment contact was made, and for the first few seconds, Kachi remained motionless. As worry began to set in that he'd just made a huge mistake, he finally felt Kachi ease into the kiss, parting his lips and allowing their tongues to graze each other.
Dana struggled to keep his composure as he and Kachi's kiss continued. With every movement, not just from the kiss, but from finally feeling Kachi's body against his own, Dana couldn't help but shudder from excitement and anticipation.
After nearly a minute, Kachi was the first to pull away. He was out of breath, and the way he panted was music to Dana's ears. The labradoodle slowly opened his eyes to see Kachi staring right back at him, his blue eyes instilling a burn in his cheeks, a burn hotter than ever before.
The two sat in relative silence, Dana still pinning Kachi's arms against the wall behind him. The rhythmic rise and fall of the larger canine's chest against his own sent little jolts of pleasure throughout his body. "Legosi's right there…" breathed Kachi, still panting heavily from their kiss.
Dana's smirk returned, leaning in close to whisper into the other canine's ear. As he did, he heard a sharp inhale come from him as their cheeks touched. A quiet chuckle left Dana's lips, "We'll just have to try and keep it down then…" he whispered. Dana pulled himself away momentarily before going in for another kiss with the canine underneath him.
The second kiss was much more intimate. Dana tilted his head to the side, parting his lips and inviting the other canine's tongue into his mouth. Kachi wasted no time in accepting the offer, his eagerness sending Dana into a frenzy, a soft moan escaping his lips as their tongues danced side by side.
Dana released Kachi's hands, moving his own to Kachi's face and gripping it tightly, holding it in place. The heat in Dana's cheeks only continued to grow as their kiss continued. He was beginning to lose himself in the scents, sounds, and tastes coming from the larger canine. He kissed Kachi deeper, feeling his desire for him increase.
With Kachi's hands freed from Dana's grasp, they soon found a new home draped over Dana's shoulders and wrapped around his neck. The sudden contact from the larger canine elicited a quiet yelp from the labradoodle, causing him to shift a little in his spot on Kachi's lap. As he did, it was then he noticed that he wasn't the only one giving a physical response.
Kachi's hands didn't remain in one place for long; they quickly began to explore other parts of Dana's torso, first sliding ever so gently down his sides. Dana whined, his legs trembling, as he couldn't help but shiver at Kachi's touch. Even through both layers of clothing, it was electric.
The fervent touch of Kachi's hands didn't stop there. They continued their downward trend, arriving at their final stop upon his waist. They'd found their way underneath Dana's clothes, and the soft, yet firm grip he kept upon the smaller canine sent a whole new wave of excitement pumping through Dana's veins.
Dana squirmed in the canine's grip, wanting to feel his touch explore him further. Another tiny gasp escaped the labradoodle's lips as he felt Kachi pull him closer. Dana couldn't help but buck his hips slightly at Kachi's gesture, as his pants were beginning to feel tight, and judging by the warmth and pressure against his inner thigh, Kachi was sharing his sentiment.
Their second kiss finally ended, leaving both canines hot and gasping for air. For the first time in minutes, Dana and Kachi looked into each other's eyes. The glorious blue glow Dana lived for stared him directly in the face, the tantalizing look within them practically screaming 'fuck me.'
Still panting from their kiss, Dana shifted his grip to Kachi's shoulders. Using his weight and all of his strength, he leaned backward, pulling the larger canine from his upright position and down on top of himself.
Kachi quickly put his arms out to stop himself from landing face first on Dana's chest. Once the world around him stopped moving, he was presented with sultry, half-lidded, hazel eyed canine staring back at him. From his position, he watched Dana's chest rise and fall with each deep breath he took. Looking back up to his face, Kachi noticed that the black and grey beanie he always wore had fallen from his head. He didn't remember the last time he saw him without it, nor did he recall finding him so…attractive.
During the position change, Dana had managed to wrap his arms around the back of Kachi's neck, as well as his legs around his waist. As he watched Kachi undress him with his eyes, Dana felt more bolts of lightning shoot through his body. He'd always fantasized about Kachi staring at him like a treat to be eaten. One of the lewdest, and perhaps twisted reasons he wanted to stay in shape.
A few moments passed and no words were exchanged. Dana continued to admire the larger canine from above, but as he looked down along Kachi's torso, a very clear obstruction, or rather, a very blue obstruction, had presented itself: Kachi's sweater.
Thinking quickly, Dana gripped the fabric of Kachi's hoodie and pulled it over his head. He was able to pull most of it from the canine's body, leaving only his arms in his sleeves. Catching on quickly, Kachi pulled his arms free, letting the labradoodle take the sweater away from him. Dana held the hoodie against his face for a moment, taking in Kachi's scent before tossing it aside. He felt himself grow more aroused, his dick twitching against his jeans before discarding the sweater to his left.
With the sweater gone, Dana was able to appreciate Kachi's body much easier. The thin white t-shirt left little to the imagination, as even in the darkness of the room, his black fur and athletic build were able to be seen through it. It took all of Dana's restraint to keep his hands off.
"You're so gorgeous, you know that?" breathed Dana, returning his hands to Kachi's shoulders.
"Yeah?" whispered Kachi in return.
Dana nodded lazily, "Mhmm. I'm jealous of you. You're so perfect and you don't even have to try," he praised, adjusting his grip around Kachi's waist.
As he did, he felt a slow, but forceful thrust from Kachi. It was enough to get a deep, lengthy moan from Dana. His need only increased when he felt a twitch from the larger canine's cock as he rested his hips between his thighs. Unbeknownst to Dana, his's legs began to quiver purely from excitement and anticipation alone.
Dana looked upward into Kachi's eyes, the blush he felt burning hotter than he thought possible, "Kachi…Fuck, I want you," he whined.
Kachi grinned, his expression soft. He leaned down, pressing his left cheek against Dana's, just as he'd done minutes earlier. The labradoodle's breath hitched in his throat as Kachi came to rest less than an inch from his ear, "Then take me," he said.
It was the only thing Dana needed to hear. A low growl began in Dana's chest as he gripped the larger canine's shoulders with force. Using all his might, he rolled himself over, pinning Kachi beneath him. He continued to straddle Kachi's waist, and in his new position, he was able to feel Kachi's dick in full, no longer just a part of it or simply its warmth, and judging by how it poked into his thigh, it was just as, if not larger, than he'd imagined.
Dana was venturing into uncharted territory. He'd never been that far with anyone else; he's never wanted to. He was saving himself for Kachi, and how that he had him, the labradoodle's arousal was beyond anything he could have done on his own.
The low growl continuing, Dana lowered himself and leaned forward, pressing his chest against Kachi's. The larger canine lifted his head, seeing Dana staring lustfully into his eyes and tracing light circles in the fur on his neck while his thumb caressed his cheek.
"Take me?" Dana repeated teasingly, "Gladly."
Though he knew Kachi was just as needy as he was right then, he wanted Kachi to truly want him. Though he was on top of the larger canine, he wanted to achieve his greatest fantasy: to tease him enough so he would just grab him and take him, to fuck him senseless claim him as his own. Dana didn't recall how many times he'd had that particular fantasy, but now that it was finally happening, is mind was too clouded to count.
Dana began by sitting back upright, running both hands along Kachi's chest. The larger canine pulled his arms closer to himself, arching his back as his dick throbbed, waves of pleasure washing over him from each of Dana's fingertips.
Once Dana's excited hands reached the bottom of Kachi's shirt, in one swift motion, they slipped beneath its fabric. The feeling of the larger canine's warm fur in his hands sent little electric shocks through his hands and up his arms, only adding to the pleasure he felt.
At Dana's touch, Kachi's breath hitched in his throat. The suggestive grin on the labradoodle's face only intensified as he ventured deeper, the shirt bunching up against his forearms as his hands arrived at Kachi's soft, yet firm stomach.
Dana was still in disbelief at how he kept his body the way it was. From what he knew, Kachi wasn't on any diet or exercise plan. Perhaps he'd just won the genetic lottery in that regard. Dana didn't care. It didn't matter. All he was concerned about was being able to see it, touch it, and have it all to himself.
Dana took the bunched-up fabric of Kachi's shirt into his thumb as he continued to push upward with his right hand. It found its way to Kachi's chest, and Dana was able to feel it rise and fall with every breath. Paired with it, Kachi's heart felt to him as if it were trying to beat out of his chest. The thought of Kachi being that excited by him was exhilarating; Dana's dick gave another little twitch, a needy whine escaping his lips.
Dana stripped out of his own sweater, unwittingly bucking his hips against Kachi's stomach before leaning down toward him. Their noses touched as he stared into his eyes, "Mmm, look at my big, bad wolf. So gorgeous…he has me all hot and bothered…" he breathed, moving downward to Kachi's ear once more, "think you can help me?"
Before Kachi had a chance to answer, Dana buried his face in the crook of his neck, peppering the small area at his disposal with kisses. He felt the larger canine squirm beneath him, soft moans escaping him with each kiss. Step one in his plan was in motion, all that was left was for Kachi to execute step two.
The kisses began lasting longer and concentrating in one area. Finally, Dana started gently suckling at his chosen spot on Kachi's neck. The larger canine's breathing was labored and shaky by this point, and his hands began to wander again, finding their place on the small of Dana's back.
Dana continued to work at Kachi's neck as he felt himself be pulled closer to the larger canine, feeling his desire building as his dick pressed harder into his inner thigh. In all his fantasies, Kachi was a bit tougher to break than he was currently. A devilish thought crossed his mind; perhaps he'd just have to keep him pinned a while longer, until Dana was sure that they were both ready for what was to come.
Dana suddenly bit down on the spot he'd been kissing, getting a sharp and sudden gasp from Kachi. Dana lifted his free hand to cover Kachi's mouth to keep him from making any further sounds. They were, after all, in the presence of a third party who was none the wiser to what was occurring above him.
Dana tilted his head upward and whispered into Kachi's ear, "Shh…if you're not quiet, we can't go any further…" he teased.
Kachi whined softly into Dana's hand, "Please…"
Dana raised an eyebrow, "Please what?"
Another, lengthier whine, "Please don't stop…"
A light chuckle escaped Dana as he returned to Kachi's neck. He bit down suddenly once again. Beneath him, he felt Kachi struggle to contain himself, more soft moans leaving him. As Dana continued, the labradoodle felt Kachi's grip on his back tighten. Another moan left him; any tighter, and he'd begin feeling his claws; a thought which excited him even more.
Dana continued to suckle and bite at Kachi's neck, wondering how close Kachi was to reaching his limit. His mind began filling with possibilities of what he could do next. He consistently came to a blank as it was difficult to do on the fly; his thoughts were clouded by pure arousal and desire.
"Mmf…Pina…" moaned Kachi. Dana stopped and lifted his head from Kachi's neck, looking down upon his wolf. Though muffled, it sounded to him as if he'd just said his name…
Dana chuckled, placing both his hands upon Kachi's exposed chest, "You're adorable even when you slur your words, Kachi," he whispered.
Since coming back up from Kachi's neck, the expression on the larger canine shifted. The desire in his eyes had disappeared, replaced with what he could only discern as shock. The smile he wore had vanished as well. In turn, Dana's expression turned to one of confusion.
"Are you okay?" asked Dana instinctively.
Kachi exhaled sharply, "No…" he mouthed.
"What? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" continued Dana, a hint of panic in his voice.
Kachi removed his hands from Dana's back. He planted them firmly onto the mattress and tried to sit up but was stopped by Dana still straddling him. Fearing he'd done something wrong, Dana quickly clambered off the larger canine, sitting himself down opposite to him on the bed.
Kachi pulled his legs inward, shifting his position to his knees as he stared at the spot that he and Dana were occupying moments earlier, "No…no…no…"
The fact that he was only saying 'no' did nothing to calm Dana's shredded nerves. He extended a hand to try and comfort the panicking canine, but Kachi quickly recoiled, expressing clearly to Dana that he did not want to be touched.
The way he moved away from him was like a knife to his heart. Not even a minute ago they were locked in the heat of passion, and now Kachi seemed to want nothing to do with him. Did he take it too far? Was it too quick? Too sudden? Questions Dana wasn't getting the answers to, but desperately needed. Looking to Kachi once more, he observed that all the color had drained from his face, and his pupils were smaller than a pin head.
"Kachi, I'm sorry, I…" he began. The words became trapped in his throat as Kachi continued to stare at him. It was as if Dana was a ghost; he saw right through him. Through him, and the apology he was about to give.
Dana knew that anything following the words 'I'm sorry' weren't true. He wasn't sorry. He was content with everything that had happened until Kachi snapped from whatever trance he was in. Was it the alcohol? Was whatever he said really enough to sober him up to what he was engaging in? If not his name, what did he even say? More questions…
Dana sat at the foot of the bed, mouth agape as the words escaped him. Kachi looked over, away from the labradoodle, toward the door. He folded his arms over his chest, gripping his arms as a new expression spread across his face: disgust.
"I…I need to go," said Kachi suddenly, completely baffling Dana.
The labradoodle's jaw dropped. Again, he attempted to say something to stop him, but the words evaporated on his tongue. Slowly, Kachi made his way off the bed, treading carefully as not to wake Legosi. The larger canine crossed the room, opening the door and stepping through, disappearing into the apartment's darkened hallway.
Dana wanted nothing more than to pursue him. He wanted to know what was wrong so he could fix it. He simply didn't understand. How could something so nice turn so sour in seconds? Dana thought back on the event, wondering where things could have taken their irreversible turn.
What did Kachi say? My head was buried in his neck, and whatever he said was muffled to hell and back. I thought I heard him moan my name, but clearly, that's not it. He wouldn't have run away. Is…Is there someone else? Did he meet someone in Tokyo? I never bothered to ask; I was too horny to even consider…
After five minutes of sitting in silence, hearing nothing but Legosi's faint breathing from below, Dana's mind began to clear up; the fog of arousal dissipating and revealing a host of revelations. Dana felt tears begin to well in his eyes as he allowed himself to fall backward onto the pillow stack constructed earlier in the night.
Oh, God…God…Fuck, I'm so disgusting. I…I got him drunk and then took advantage of him. What kind of friend am I? I let the alcohol my dick think for me, and…Wait…That's sexual assault, isn't it? Did I just…Oh…oh no…
Dana felt tears begin streaming down his cheeks; the realization of what he'd just done wasn't sitting well with him. He tried to steady his breathing as nausea set in. He clenched his jaw shut tightly as well as his eyes, holding his hands to his stomach as he sobbed quietly.
It didn't matter that he loved Kachi. He couldn't forgive himself. He conflated fantasy with reality, and come dawn's first light, he would be forced to live with the consequences. Dana tried to begin piecing together an apology for Kachi, but nothing would be able to make up for what he'd done. It didn't matter how sincere he was, it wouldn't repair the damage or undo the actions taken. Besides, he'd have to get Kachi to even speak to him first.
He knew if Kachi were smart, he wouldn't forgive him. It was the only right thing to do. How could Kachi ever forgive him without hurting himself in the long run, Dana thought. His mind raced with the possible consequences of his actions, and the more he thought, the more severe they became.
Tears continued to stream down the labradoodle's face, then drip onto the bedsheet below. It didn't matter how much he regretted it, or how much he wanted to express it. What's done was done. His feelings no longer mattered; the only ones whose did was the victim. Another sob escaped him as he wondered how it went so wrong.
His intention was to confess his love, but at the height of poisoned emotion, he'd allowed his restraint to slip, resulting in something that could tear them apart forever. Dana no longer felt deserving of love or loving, and had there been any rum left, he would have shot it straight all at once. Anything to make the ache in his chest disappear.
I was a fool for you…maybe you're too good for me. No. You're definitely too good for me. I don't fucking care how much I wanted it, you don't deserve that…no one does. If you think you're a monster, Kachi…well…then what does that make me?
~A Quick Author's Note~
Thanks for reading.
