It wasn't until that evening, around twelve hours after Raven had gotten out of surgery, that she woke up.
People had been in and out of the hospital all day, and after Raven was moved from the ICU to a recovery suite, they had been camped out in her room. Between her roommates and Bellamy and the guys, she hadn't spent a moment alone.
Now, Bellamy was sitting in an uncomfortable straight backed chair in the corner while Clarke dozed in the recliner by Raven's bedside. The other guys had dispersed; Monty and Jasper had gone home with Harper so she could shower, while Murphy was at a late class and Miller had gone with Octavia to pick up something to eat.
It was the first time Bellamy had had an opportunity to be alone with Clarke all day, but it was also the first time that Clarke had gotten the opportunity to rest. So, while muted cable news scrolled across the grainy hospital TV and Raven's heart rate monitor steadily beeped, Bellamy watched Clarke.
She looked so peacefully now, eyes closed and lips slightly parted as she breathed easily, that it was almost possible to forget the horrors they had all experienced the last few days. Clarke's tranquility was contagious in nature, causing Bellamy to relax back into his seat as well.
It was from that position that he saw Raven's arm move beneath the blanket, her head tilt to the side and her eyes scrunch up before blinking open. She grunted softly, tugging against her IV as she tried to rub at her face.
Bellamy almost didn't want to jump up and stop her, because that would mean disrupting the newfound quietude that had settled over the room, but he couldn't just sit by and watch her hurt herself.
He rose from her seat and hurried to her side, softly shushing her.
"Take it easy, Raven," Bellamy said, lightly grabbing her by the wrist to restrain her arm.
Raven blinked up at him, her pupils struggling to dilate and he could see her mind racing a mile a minute to comprehend.
"Welcome to the waking world," he said, "We've missed you."
Raven opened her mouth, but her throat was still extremely hoarse from being intubated and all her words were a garbled jumble of harsh syllables.
"It's okay. Don't talk," Bellamy said, releasing her arm. He didn't exactly know what to do, so he was slightly relieved that Clarke had woken up and was leaning over the bed, peering into Raven's face as if she couldn't believe it.
"Oh, Raven," Clarke murmured, gently hugging her shoulders, careful of the tubes and wires and that weird brace contraption that was holding Raven's torso stationary.
Bellamy watched as Clarke fought to school her emotions for Raven's sake, as Raven's dark eyes darted around the room, looking confused.
Clarke held a cup of water to Raven's lips and murmured apologies while Bellamy watched. What exactly was one supposed to say to a friend who woke up in the hospital, potentially paralyzed, after being shot?
He settled on, "I'll go get the doctor."
Clarke nodded at him when he hesitated, telling him she'd be fine. Bellamy still felt bad leaving her alone to explain things to Raven, but he needed some air. Exiting the room, he took a right down the hall, towards the waiting room, instead of a left, towards the nurses station.
It was a surreal experience walking through a hospital, because even though it was the height of the evening, with meal trays being delivered to rooms and nurses and doctors bustling through the halls with IV poles and clipboards, the halls were very near silent. The recovery wing was a quiet place, no matter the time of day, and it made Bellamy edgy. As soon as he wasn't beside Clarke, his pulse quickened and he felt sweaty. He hated this hospital.
He walked a couple of quick laps around the small waiting room, then paused in front of the window. They were several floors up, so the view was actually quite nice. The sun was making its way towards the horizon, which was decorated with wispy clouds. A flock of small birds bustled past, swooping around the corner of the building. Below, cars drove by and tiny people walked along the sidewalks. Each of them having a place to be, a person to go home to.
Bellamy fidgeted in front of the window for a couple of minutes, then left to accomplish the task he had actually set out to do.
"Is Dr. Jackson around? Raven Reyes, room 672, woke up a few minutes ago," Bellamy said, leaning over the nurses desk.
The blond nurse looked back at him, unabashedly scanning his face before smiling in what Bellamy assumed was meant to be a seductive way. He stared back at her, face unchanged.
"The doctor is already in there."
"Thanks," Bellamy said dryly, pushing off the counter and hurrying back to room 672, feeling a bit irritated and guilty that he hadn't done what he'd said he would do. Oh well. It was just a couple of minutes.
"Okay, push against my hand," Dr. Jackson's voice could be heard from inside as Bellamy paused outside the door, not knowing if he should walk in with the doctor there, assessing Raven.
A moment later, the curtain rustled and Clarke poked her head out, then her hand, reaching for Bellamy. He wasn't going to refuse her, so he obliged and let himself be pulled into the room, sliding the curtain back into place as quietly as the metal track would allow.
"He's checking to see if-" Clarke whispered, staring at her friend.
"Oh."
"I didn't tell her, I just couldn't," Clarke murmured.
Bellamy felt pained as he looked at her drawn face, releasing her hand and instead wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him instantly, resting her head against his neck.
"Very good," Dr. Jackson remarked, taking a pen from the pocket of his white lab coat. "Now, I want you to close your eyes, and tell me when you can feel me touching your leg, okay?"
Raven nodded and did as he asked, lying still as the doctor started at the bottom of her left foot and slowly ran the pen up her bare leg.
He traced it along her ankle, her shin, her calf, then up over her knee, around the back of her thigh, all the way up to her bandaged hip. Bellamy felt his heart sink with each inch that Raven could no longer feel.
Dr. Jackson skipped over the white bandage, lifting up the edge of her hospital gown, and poked her in the side, right above where the bandage ended.
"There," Raven croaked, opening her eyes.
"Alright," Dr. Jackson said, nodding as he clicked the pen open and made note of something on his clipboard. Clarke turned her head into Bellamy, hiding her face in an attempt to conceal her expression from Raven.
Bellamy kept his face passive as he hugged Clarke closer. Raven looked over at the two of them, her brows creasing as she looked back to the doctor.
"That's not good, is it?" Her voice sounded like gravel and judging by the look on her face, it must have hurt like hell to speak.
Dr. Jackson looked up with a pitying smile. "I want to be honest with you Raven, okay?"
She nodded, and Clarke left Bellamy and sat on the edge of her bed, clutching her hand. Bellamy jammed his hands into his pockets and hung his head as the doctor spoke.
"As of right now, it would appear that you don't have feeling in your left leg. Your right leg, however, seems perfectly fine. That gives me hope that this damage could be temporary, and you could regain feeling as you continue to recover from your surgery. It was quite a trauma, and sometimes the nerves go into a state of unresponsiveness that they can come out of with time and physical therapy.
No one said anything for a moment.
"But it's not like the tissue is dying or anything? I mean, the leg is still fine, just unresponsive?" Clarke asked, her voice quivering only a little.
"Yes, that's how it looks. I wouldn't expect that to change. But, things can change quickly when it comes to nerve damage. You could regain feeling in a matter of minutes, or a matter of years, or you may never have feeling in your left leg."
Raven stared up at the ceiling as she took a deep breath, squeezing Clarke's hand.
"I'll give you some time to process everything. I'll be around if you have any more questions, just ask for me."
Clarke nodded as Dr. Jackson gave Raven's good leg a pat and left the room, brushing past Bellamy with a sympathetic smile.
The weight of the room was immense and Bellamy felt like his head might explode if the pressure wasn't released soon,
"Well, fuck me," Raven said, then started chuckling. The sound shattered the heaviness in the air like the window had been flung open, Clarke looked to Bellamy, but he cracked a grin too.
"Yeah, real shitshow I'd say," Bellamy said, joining Clarke at the bedside.
"Rapes my best friend then paralyzes me. Thanks a lot, Finn," Raven said cynically, raising her middle finger as if Finn could see it.
"Fuck you, Finn," Clarke said, raising her middle finger too.
Raven nodded at Bellamy, so he copied their gesture, flipping off that son of a bitch and the whole damn world.
Time went on, and for the next week, Bellamy spent his time in one of three places; class, Raven's hospital room, or traveling between the two.
It was exhausting, but necessary and Bellamy didn't complain. Instead, he joined Raven in urging Clarke to return to classes and go back to her dorm to sleep. By Wednesday, she was convinced and let Bellamy drive her in Raven's jeep back to campus, but as soon as her class was over, she gathered up several items of Raven's and hurried back to the hospital. Bellamy wasn't going to fight her, so he just helped her instead.
Raven hadn't made any progress thus far, which was disheartening to say the least. Other than the utter lack of sensation and mobility in her left leg, she was doing great. Her incision was healing up nicely, her throat and voice had returned to normal, and she had no other lasting effects from her surgery. That being said, they kept her in the hospital until Friday, when she had a reassessment by Dr. Jackson to discuss her options.
Both Raven and Bellamy hated that word: options. What option did she have, exactly? The leg didn't work, so either cut it off and 'upgrade to a newer model' as Jasper put it, or drag it around in hopes that feeling would return. Neither option was great.
After the discouraging conversation with the doctor, Raven was set to be discharged the following afternoon, after a consultation with the prosthetist to talk about prosthetic limbs or supportive braces, depending on what option Raven chose to go with. She hadn't decided yet, but Bellamy hoped she wouldn't cut her leg off. She could walk on it… sort off. And if she had a good brace, it seemed like she could get around just fine. Plus, the leg would still be there if her nerves ever decided to spontaneously regenerate.
"Bye then," Bellamy waved to Octavia as she left after much urging from Raven. "Who is she going to see?" He asked, after his sister was gone.
"I dunno, Raven shrugged, scooting over as Clarke climbed into the hospital with her, pulling the tray table over the bed and plopping down her laptop.
Bellamy grumbled, feeling more irritated by the day about his agreement to back off from Octavia's personal life.
"Oh, what's wrong, grumpy pants?" Raven teased.
Bellamy shot her a look before shoving his own laptop off his lap and standing up. "My stupid English professor doesn't know how to respond to an email, that's what."
"Why don't you just ask one of your classmates?" Clarke suggested, intently typing on her keyboard. Bellamy was impressed how she could talk and type at the same time, but Clarke really never ceased to impress him, even with the most pointless of things.
"I don't know any of them," Bellamy said, only realizing that wasn't true as he said the words.
"Hmm. Just send someone a message from the class portal on the website."
Why did Clarke always know the answer to everything? "Oh yeah. Good idea."
Clarke flashed him a small smile before she and Raven started discussing what cheesy teen romance movie they were going to watch that night.
Bellamy tuned them out as he scrolled through the classlist tab on the portal. He hated the online class interface, but he had to use it to catch up for the days he had missed in the beginning of the week. All professors were supposed to post the day's assignments and due dates, but for whatever reason, Professor What's-His-Nuts of the English department decided he was too good for that.
He was beginning to doubt that Echo was her real name; he reached the bottom of the class list, with no sign of it. He scrolled back to the top with an irritated huff, and of course, that's when he saw it; Echo Azgeda. The list was organized alphabetically by last name, so hers was just a few from the top.
He clicked on her name and typed out a quick message asking for an explanation of Monday's assignment. As he clicked send, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of apprehension. He'd been blowing Echo off, and now he was the one reaching out to her. Granted, it was strictly school related, but she was bound to read more into it than that.
Her response came not even a minute later, while Bellamy was still mulling over his decision to contact her.
Yeah sure. It's hard to explain over messages tho. Come over and I'll show you mine. Pioneer 328.
"Great," he muttered aloud.
"What was that?" Clarke asked.
"Nothin'," he grunted, standing up.
He felt Clarke watching him as he gathered up his things, stuffing them into his old backpack.
"Are you leaving?" she asked.
"Yeah, I guess. Someone offered to help me out."
"Oh okay. That's good!"
"Uh huh." Bellamy swung the bag over a shoulder, feeling like he should hug Clarke goodbye or something. He didn't though, just said, "I'll be back later, or I'll let you know what's up."
"Okay. Good luck then, Paris." Clarke flashed him a grin as she used her nickname for him. He snorted as left the room, overhearing Raven ask,
"Paris? What's that about? Are you keeping things from me?"
Bellamy rolled his eyes as he hurried down the hall, too impatient to wait for the elevator so he jogged down the stairs. The hospital still made him anxious and he wanted out.
He had been driving around Raven's Jeep for the past week, and he had to admit it was so nice to have a car. He'd never owned one in his life, so even though the Jeep was practically as old as he was, it was still a luxury.
The drive back to campus was quick and uneventful, as was the walk up to Echo's dorm. Pioneer was just across the street from Frontier, part of the U of M's infamous Superblock. It was larger than Frontier, but it was still a freshman hall, so it looked mostly the same and Bellamy found room 328 without issue.
He took a deep breath as he raised his hand to knock on the door, questioning why he had so readily agreed to this and not suggested that they meet in the library or even the common room of the hall.
"Hey stranger!" Echo pulled open the door, smiling.
"Hey."
"Come on in."
Bellamy glanced around, dropping his bag to the floor beside Echo's desk. "Nice place."
"Thanks. I haven't really decorated much, but my roommate is one of those minimalist people so it suits her just fine I guess."
"Hmm." The room was rather plain, but it was orderly, which surprised Bellamy. Echo seemed like the type of person to leave her clothes strewn all around the floor and have fifteen empty water bottles on her nightstand. The room was nearly spotless though, excluding her current study materials laid open on the desk and neatly made bed.
"Yeah, anyway. Want something to drink?" Echo asked, swinging open a mini fridge that was tucked between the bed and the nightstand. It had a bumper sticker that read Ice Athletics on the front.
"No thanks," Bellamy said, eyes widening at the wide array of alcoholic beverages jam packed in that tiny fridge.
"You sure? I have beer or-"
"No thanks. I'm good, really," Bellamy interrupted, not wanting to be sucked into drinking with Echo.
"Okay." Echo sounded a bit disappointed, but she slowly stood up, cracking open a can of some girly, fruity, fizzy drink.
"What's Ice Athletics?" Bellamy asked to change the topic.
Echo snorted. "The gym my brother owns. Or, sorry, co-owns."
"Nice."
"It's actually a pretty cool place. But don't tell him I said that!" Echo giggled, setting her drink down and thumbing through a notebook. "You should come by sometime, I'll show you around. You look like the type that works out."
Bellamy scoffed offhandedly, glancing down at himself. He used to have a whole workout regime, but it had been months since he had made any sort of effort to routinely make it to the gym. His almost obsessive routine of exercise and healthy eating plus working construction in the summers had left him in pretty good shape.
"Yeah, maybe sometime."
"Absolutely. Then maybe you'll be able to beat The Grounders tomorrow at the tournament?"
"The Grounders?" Bellamy spaced momentarily.
"You know, the dodgeball team? The one Roan's the captain of?"
"Oh yeah." Intramural dodgeball was the furthest thing from Bellamy's mind lately. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to think about normal things instead of being arrested and practically living out of the hospital and Clarke.
"Anyway, this English thing."
"Right, he didn't post anything on the portal. I'm so lost."
"Yeah, he's an idiot. But don't worry, I took detailed notes." Echo handed over the notebook opened to a page of color coded bullet-point notes written in neat, even handwriting. The letters were so uniform the page almost looked as if it had been typed up and printed out.
Bellamy was too busy looking at the writing to even read the thing. Yet another surprise about Echo. She really did seem like a ditzy college girl who didn't give two shits about the actual school aspect of college life.
She showed him her project, and helped pick a topic for his own, before sending him a template to work off of and even helping him with the beginnings of his research. For the majority of the time, she was chill and helpful, and Bellamy found himself not hating his time with her. She still rubbed him the wrong way a bit, but she wasn't bad company now that he actually made the effort to just be considerate and civil towards her. It made him feel like an ass about how he had treated her the other day when she had lunch with him.
"Look at that, you're nearly done," she said, taking a swig from her second can.
"Just have to finish up my MLA citations and get my third source, but yeah, that should be a breeze."
"Uh huh." Echo watched over his shoulder from where she was sitting beside him on her bed. Bellamy finished up his paragraph and clicked save on the document, done working on this project for tonight.
"Thanks for the help, Echo. I really appreciate it."
"Course. Why weren't you in class though? Is everything okay?"
"Uh, yeah." Bellamy leaned over to tuck his computer away. "Things just… got crazy over the weekend."
"Oooh, I see." Echo waggled her eyebrows, giggling as she knocked back the rest of her drink.
"No, not like that."
"O-kay, whatever you say."
Bellamy rolled his eyes, knowing Echo was envisioning him wasted, hooking up with random girls. Perhaps that was preferable to her envisioning him beating the snot out of some guy then being forced into the back of a police car.
"I should get going, but thanks again."
"Aww, really? You have plans tonight?" Echo followed him as he started towards the door.
"No, not really I guess." He scratched the back of his neck as Echo slid herself between him and the door, running one hand up his arm. He watched her thin fingers trace an outline of his bicep as he wondered what Clarke was up to. Their movie was probably over by now, so Raven was probably asleep, and Clarke had probably parked herself in Bellamy's corner chair to catch up on all of the classes she had missed.
"C'mon then. All we did was homework. Don't you want to do something fun?"
"What do you mean?" He played at being naive as Echo latched onto his wrist, tugging him back into the room.
"Well, my uber-conservative roommate is out at her church group on some camping trip or something, so we have the dorm to ourselves."
"Oh, so we could watch a movie at full volume?"
Echo rolled her eyes, putting another hand on Bellamy. "You're funny."
"Thanks, I try," he said. A moment later, Echo's lips were pressed to his, kissing him hotly.
Bellamy pulled back after a moment, feeling slightly dazed. Of course he knew this was what Echo's intention had been all along, but it was a little degrading. Not that she wasn't attractive, because she definitely was, but this wasn't right, was it?
"What's wrong?" Echo purred, sounding a bit hurt and a lot seductive.
"Nothin'. It's just, I've got a lot going on right now," Bellamy said.
"That's okay. This'll be the perfect way to take your mind off it then," she whispered in his ear, her lips brushing down his jawline.
Well, she wasn't wrong. And it had been an embarrassingly long time since Bellamy had had sex. On that thought, he hoisted her up and dropped her onto the bed, landing beside her. Echo didn't hesitate, and Bellamy didn't object.
It truly was an excellent distraction, but the second it was over, Bellamy was left with more stress than relief.
He would be lying if he said it wasn't Clarke on his mind while he was having sex with Echo. And that made him feel terrible on so many levels.
Even as a beautiful girl lay beside him, one bare leg swung over his own, his mind was a couple miles away, picture Clarke where she was probably dozing in the hospital recliner at Raven's bedside.
"That was fun, wasn't it?" Echo said in his ear, and suddenly, she was stifling.
"Yeah," he mumbled, moving to rise from the bed and find his clothes from where they had been thrown to the floor.
Every second he remained in this room, the feeling of betrayal and regret mounted until it was a practically unbearable pressure inside Bellamy's head, like a swarm of wasps ramming into his skull.
He could hear Echo talking to him as he slipped his shirt over his head and swung his backpack onto his shoulder, making for the door.
"Hey!" She grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. "What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?"
Bellamy sighed, rubbing his temple with his free hand. Not only had he made a mistake on his own part, but he'd also hurt this girl in the process. Echo didn't deserve to be treated like this, even if Bellamy did particularly like her,
"No, Echo. I'm sorry, but I shouldn't have done this."
She blinked at him, staring blankly for a second before she frowned, then scowled. "Now's when you tell me you have a girlfriend, huh? Wait until after you fuck me to warn me that some psychotic bitch with a metal spatula is going to break down my door, trying to kill me for sleeping with her boyfriend?"
"What? No. I don't have a girlfriend," Bellamy said, watching her tug her pants into place.
"Then what's the big deal?"
Bellamy opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. What was the problem? He was single, Echo was single, why couldn't they just have sex without Bellamy feeling like complete shit?
"Because I'm in love with someone else."
AN_
Okay, I really want to know what you guys thought of this one. I don't know if I took it too far, but Bellamy had to come to his realization somehow. Poor Echo though. I really do like her, just not with Bellamy. :)
Thank you to my lovely beta reader, kyliEisMC2.
Thanks for reading and (hopefully) reviewing!
-Birch66724
