December, 1997

The mall was crowded with holiday shoppers and festively decorated for Christmas. They'd had to drive to Danbury, Connecticut, as the North Salem area had little in the way of shopping centers. Rogue didn't know if it was the crowds or the Connecticut traffic that had Remy so twitchy. He seemed incredibly anxious, something that only increased when Rogue directed him to enter Lord & Taylor.

"Can't be goin' in dis fancy pants store," he told her as she gently applied her hand to his back, urging him through the revolving doors.

"Relax, sugah," Rogue said. "We only need two things here, then we'll skedaddle."

"Don't see what's wrong with Goodwill," he complained as she took him towards the section with the winter wear.

"You can spend a little on somethin' that's junk, and buy it over and over again, or you can invest in something once, and have it for a good long time," she told him. Rogue fingered a few scarves, selected two in bold colors she thought Remy would like, and offered them to him; one peacock blue, one in magenta. He looked at the price tag and shook his head. Rogue put the blue one around his neck. "That looks nice, Ah think."

Before he could protest, she'd moved on towards the gloves. "Here's mah area of expertise," she said, handing him a pair of tan leather gloves. "See, this is painless, hon! Let's go get in line to check out."

He was uncharacteristically silent as they stood in the long line. "You okay?" she asked him.

Remy was staring off into space. His gaze momentarily focused on her face. "Yeah, except I heard this here Mariah Carey song about five times now. Can we please go back to de School?"

"We came all this way…" Rogue began, then saw his pained expression. "We can stop somewhere on the way back and grab something to eat. Someplace not as crowded."

He fished out his wallet from his coat, handed it to her. "Not really hungry. I'm gonna go stand outside."

She smiled grimly at him and watched him weave his way through the other shoppers towards the exit. "Christmas shopping is not for the faint-hearted," she told herself. Rogue didn't use the money in Remy's wallet, but paid for the purchase with her own savings. She met him back outside. He was smoking a cigarette, huddled against the side of the building out of the wind. When he saw her, he flicked the butt into a nearby trash can.

"Merry early Christmas," she told him and handed him the shopping bag and his wallet.

"You did not just buy dis for me," he said unhappily.

"Ah did," she said with authority. "Now every time you have warm hands, you can think a me."

She thought maybe he'd make some kind of blue comment, but he shook his head impatiently and said: "Thanks, chère."

They returned to the car, Rogue in the driver's seat, Remy her passenger. He poked at the radio stations for a bit, then turned the stereo off. He opened the window a fraction and leaned his head on the doorframe.

"Remy, you doin' okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," he said and adjusted his safety belt. "Just this time a year. Puts me in a funk."

"Ah'm surprised, you usually got a dance in your step and a song in your heart. Seems like all this," she waved at the cheerful decorations, the piped sounds of carols, the crisp blue sky with just a few flakes drifting down, "would put ya in a spirited mood."

"Usually by mid-December, money was tight. We'd be stretched pretty thin. Days are short. I'd like to just go t'sleep. You can wake me after de New Year."

"Remy, Ah'm sorry. It didn't occur t'me," Rogue said, guessing he was talking about his family. "It'll be different this year."

"Maybe for me."

She took his hand, held it between them on the armrest that separated them. They drove in silence for a half hour or so. Remy began nervously tapping a foot.

"Ah wish the Prof was here, you could talk t'him," Rogue said, putting a hand on his knee, ending his tapping.

"D'you think he'll come back?" Remy asked.

Rogue smiled a bit. "Ah hope so, sugah. But he is somewhere out there with his lady love, and Ah can't fault him that."

Remy put his head back on the headrest. "Maybe he's better off in space. Maybe if he did come back, these people would show up on your doorstep with pitchforks and torches." He waved at the affluent town they passed through.

"You don't care much for this area, do you?"

Remy shrugged. "Looks like a movie set."

"And New Orleans doesn't look like a movie? Seems t'me there's quite a few movies takin' place there."

"This here place looks fake. New Orrlins looks real. Like a beautiful woman with a wart on her nose. An' you love her more for de wart."

Rogue smiled softly. "It's peaceful and quiet here, Remy," she said.

"Bound t'be quiet, when de county is about as diverse as a glass of homogenized milk, and not de organic cruelty-free kind."

Rogue slowed as they passed through North Salem on their way to Salem Center. The library was on the corner. Outside, an older librarian was dressed as Mrs. Claus. She was directing a group of small children along the sidewalk, all wearing cardboard boxes and ringing silver bells. She was holding up a book, showing them the pictures: The Polar Express. As Rogue passed, the librarian blew a wooden train whistle and the kids followed her lead, making a little train out of the boxes they wore.

Remy smiled at the sight. "At least there's a few oddballs out here, to make it interesting."

"A few...or a whole school, sugah?"

"If anyone ever found out about Magneto bein' there," Remy began. "You're gonna find yourselves out of a home. Most a dese people are gonna turn on you."

"You got a very pessimistic view of human nature," Rogue told him.

"I have a very pessimistic view of parties, mobs, cliques, and general groups of people who suffer from same-think. Humans, I like humans-Persons. People en masse are terrible though."

"We've run inta our fair share of that, Remy, it's true," Rogue conceded. "But people in numbers are the only way things will ever change. If we work together."

"Right, can't wait t'see which mutant those fools in DC choose for de next Supreme Court vacancy. Look at dat bastard Thomas they put on there. Now there's a hair-sniffer if ever dere was one. At least we got Ginsburg to balance it out."

"You're right, we need more representation," Rogue said. "Maybe X-Factor…"

"Who had to pretend t'be human. Pretend like they were throwin' kids in jail to get public approval."

"Ah can see you're gettin' fired up. Why don't we table this discussion?"

"Thought I was an optimist, but I've been proved an idiot. I won't trust anyone t'do de right thing again, especially not a group of someones. Big mistake," he continued anyway.

"Remy, Ah trust you. Ah know you'd do the right thing. Ah'd trust you with mah life."

He was silent for a moment. "I'd trust you wit' dat, too, Rogue. But I don't think I'd trust you with my past."

Rogue felt hurt, tears pricked her eyes. "You think after all Ah've done, Ah'd hold anything against you?"

He didn't respond.

"Whatever it is you've done then...," Rogue said. "Are you different now?"

"I hope so. But hope has not served me well so far."

"Why don't we think about leaving our past in the past, and look to the future? Not forget it, but move forward from it," Rogue suggested.

She didn't think he'd answer, but after a long pause he told her: "I think I like your thinking." His hand squeezed hers.

I think I love you, Rogue thought.

~oOo~

"It's not fit for man nor beast," Logan told him. "You're not wanting to run in this, are you?"

Remy shrugged. He was wearing a hoodie pulled up over his knit hat, running shorts, tennis shoes, gloves. "Don't want to. Got to."

Logan, Remy, Rogue and Ororo were in the kitchen. Ororo and Logan were seated at the table. Remy and Rogue stood by the door. The day beyond the windows was dismal and gray. "I wish I could help with the inclement weather," Ororo said softly. Logan patted her hand.

"Remy's not feelin' well," Rogue said and he cast her a sidelong look that told her he wasn't willing to share.

"Seems like if you're feeling poorly, you ought to go to bed," Logan said.

"If I go to bed, I likely won't get up again for a month," Remy said.

"Treadmill?" Logan suggested.

"Don't work. Got to move someplace."

Logan sighed, stood up. "I'll come with," he grumbled and left the room.

"Sure you won't run too, chère?" Remy asked, smiling at her. "Not even a bit tempted?"

Rogue fared him with a skeptical look. "Oh, honey, Ah don't think so."

He laughed and his hand came to rest in the small of her back. "Oops, sorry," he said, and snatched his hand away.

Rogue hadn't even realized he'd touched her. She smiled up at him. "S'alright," and she made kissy lips at him. He kissed her pursed mouth.

"Bleagh, that was wet!" he said, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. She poked him in the side and he shied away, laughing.

Ororo was holding a mug of tea in her hands, smiling at them. Logan returned, similarly dressed as Remy. "Let's get this over with," he told Remy.

"Later, ladies," Remy said to Rogue and Ororo. To Rogue he added: "Hope I have somethin' warm to hold onto later."

Rogue waved him off, wrinkling her nose at him.

When the two men departed through the back door, Rogue sat down at the table across from Ororo. "How you doin', sugah?" she asked.

Ororo smiled, her expression peaceful. "I am well, thank you. Likewise, you seem quite happy."

Rogue shrugged her shoulders and grinned. "'Ro, of all the folks Ah've...touched in mah life, and all their memories, there's something Ah haven't got a feel for."

"And what is that?" Ororo asked, setting down her mug to look into Rogue's eyes.

"How do you know when you really love somebody?"

Ororo glanced downward, still smiling. Her words did not quite match her expression: "Do you really think you should be asking me this question?"

Rogue pulled off her gloves, rubbed her hands on her thighs. "Is it forever over with Forge and you? You can't...forgive him?"

Ororo frowned a little then. "I care for him deeply. But I cannot...I cannot fathom his reasoning behind creating that weapon. Because a thing can be done, does not mean that it should."

"Ororo, if it weren't for me, that neutralizing gun woulda never got made. If you hadn't been out for the count after Ah touched you-."

"You must not blame yourself," Ororo commanded. "You did not create that weapon. He had no place to judge and find you guilty for your mistakes, which you have more than atoned for. And it was my choice to allow you to touch me. No fault of yours. There is only one to blame."

"Right," Rogue said firmly. "Gyrich. Who ordered the weapon made, who shot at us."

Ororo intended to protest.

Rogue interrupted: "It's not the weapon, it's the person wielding it."

"It was a betrayal," Ororo said. "To our people, our race."

"Could you think of any instance...where a body might want to have that option, the one Forge created?" Rogue pressed.

Ororo's eyes returned to Rogue's. Her blue cat eyes closed for a moment. "I pray you would not consider it. But, yes."

"I will try to answer your question," Ororo continued. "There is thinking you love someone, and knowing. If you have to ask yourself, perhaps you are not quite there yet. I assume you speak of Remy. Quite charming. Very handsome. However, he is not always so forthcoming, not with specifics. He seems to me a troubled person."

Rogue smiled ruefully. "He's been looking at the world through a pinhole. Not to say he's not willing to listen, hear you out, or that he doesn't empathize. He's very aware of what other people are feelin'. And he can be argued with and convinced. But he can't get out of his own head. He's stuck on what's happened t'him. Stuff he did."

To her credit, Ororo didn't press further. She nodded. "The beginning of love is infatuation. That much is very evident between the two of you, I have no question. Perhaps he is...stuck. But what I have seen in you both, is a change...these past few weeks. Remy, more measured in his responses. And you...Am I wrong in imagining he may have had something to do with that? No longer so afraid of proximity, of someone touching you by accident or on purpose. You are more physically confident, to match your inner strength."

"Well, thank you kindly," Rogue said, and made a show of buffing her nails on her shirt.

"May I embrace you, my friend?" Ororo asked.

"Sure, sugah," Rogue said, and stood. Ororo stood as well and approached, arms outstretched. The taller woman wrapped her arms around Rogue, and Rogue's head tipped forward to momentarily press into Ororo's shoulder.

"I have waited a long time to hug you, dear one."

Tears were leaking from her eyes, but Rogue was smiling, her heart full.


Next time: Sex and violence.