Enjoy!

M.

Chapter 62

Monday, August 13, 2012.

Henry Hayes had called Sam the previous day, allowing her to let some tension flow off her shoulders for that night.

"General! It's great that I've found you." Hayes had chuckled in her ear nervously. If the man wasn't her commander-in-chief officially now, she would've joked that he would always find her if he was calling the last number she gave him. "Look, we messed up the schedule. So, you have one more day of leave before getting to your command. I bet you can make better use of your time than going to the base only to find Landry still there."

"Sure, thanks for letting me know, Mr. President." She had said.

There was an odd feeling about the call and the whole conversation, really. Had someone found out about her visit and was ill at ease with her presence there? Was that why Hayes called? She'd wondered before she hid herself in the shower after settling Parker for the night.

The nervous knot in the pit of her stomach followed her into the next day. At least, she had a chance of organizing things a bit better. Figuring out a schedule wasn't something she wasn't used to. Now it seemed it would be a bit more complex than it was before. Nothing she couldn't handle though, she thought as she sipped her coffee waiting for Parker.

"Good morning, P." Sam smiled. She could see the tension on her daughter's shoulders as easily as she'd added that weight to her own. "I made you some pancakes."

"Are these hope-you-fit-well pancakes? Or just pancakes?" P asked cheerily. Sam grimaced playfully.

"Blueberry pancakes… I think those fall into you-are-growing-too-fast pancakes." Parker snorted. "You think you're ready for a school that you might go to for more than a year?" Sam asked after a while.

"God, yes!" Parker said before she looked up with scared eyes.

"Don't worry, I know it was bad." Sam smiled in understanding. "I grew up changing schools, too. Although, I got to keep my name, no matter how much I didn't want to be myself back then."

"It wasn't bad, mom. It was just… Different from anyone else's life. I guess." She had a sip of the milk Sam had placed in front of her to go with the pancakes. "Now, it will all change. I know if I screw up something, I won't have a 'no worries, I won't be here next year anyway' out." She shrugged.

"What about you? Are you nervous? About starting work tomorrow?" Parker asked after a while.

"The truth?" Sam grimaced.

"Always." P grinned.

"I'm terrified. I can't let it show, though. I'm the boss." Sam said.

"You've always been the boss, mom. There's nothing new there."

Sam smiled and shook her head. Thinking there was a time where she was so far from being the boss. Her experience as the last link of the chain under several bosses was what she used to become a better leader. However, she'd never been a 'military CO'. A 2IC, yes. The one with the wacko ideas of how to save the world, yes. But the calls were never hers to make, the responsibility of the outcome wasn't hers to bear alone.

"Earth to mom?" Parker grinned. Sam shook her head.

"Go get ready. Or you'll be late."

Ten minutes later, Sam was dropping Parker off at her new school.

"Are you sure you really want to do this? We can always go back on it." Sam asked.

"Yes, mom. It was boring, really." P said.

Parker was offered to skip not only one grade but two. However, Sam drew the line at one. She knew if there was someone who could fit in easily, that would be Parker. Yet, it worried her that she could fuck up her psychological development even more after growing up changing names once a year.

"Okay. Have fun. Call me if anything goes wrong. If you want to go to a public school, or if you want to get back to elementary instead of jumping to middle school."

"I'll be okay, mom. We've been through a lot worse, haven't we?"

"I guess we have," Sam said.

"Besides you jumped a grade too, and here you are… All grown up with no major issues." She said placing a quick kiss on her mom's cheek and jumping down out of the SUV.

Sam was struck. "God, you need to find her a psych." She said rubbing her face. If she was the reference for mental stability…. Then Parker could be fucked up very soon.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012.

Sam wondered if the USAF had something with the fourteens. Maybe it was just the end of the weirdest cycle of her life. The day she stopped being Major Sam Carter had been a fourteen. Now the day people would learn she was General Sam Carter was also a fourteen. Whatever it was, the knot that had accompanied her since that day at the President's office was so tight, that she couldn't even have a cup of coffee that morning.

She knew she should be the poster woman for the imposter syndrome. She was utterly well acquainted with the persistent feeling of inadequacy, self-doubt, and the fear everyone figured out she was just a fraud. Added to the loads of guilt and anxiety she felt, Sam was the perfect ticking bomb.

Shaking her head, she squared her shoulders and smiled brightly to her daughter, when Parker joined her by the entrance. Her backpack hanging from one strap off her shoulder, her hair in a ponytail. Parker crooked her head and smiled. Yup, the woman in front of her looked nothing like her mom and at the same time, it was her mom.

"It's so weird to see you with a braid."

"Really? The braid is what bothers you out of all of this?" Sam shook her head as she waved her hand over her dress blues.

"Well, you look good on them. The braid does look weird. I don't think I've ever seen you wearing that hairstyle before," P shrugged as they walked to the waiting SUV. "I can remember ponytails, long hair, short hair, waved, curly and straight hair. Several shades of it too… But no braids." Sam laughed at that. At least this conversation was taking her mind off what was supposed to happen soon.

"So, you are saying you don't like it?"

"It looks nice… but I've always liked you better with short hair." She shrugged. "Wishing you luck!" P added, placing a kiss on her cheek before she rushed out mixing with the kids entering the school.

Sam gulped. There was no escape now. She would have to drive to the base and introduce herself to the new and old personnel of the SGC. She wasn't looking forward to doing that. Standing in front of the people who had known her from before, now as a General, when she knew some of them deserved the spot more than she did…. No, she would take that out of her list of things to do, if she could.

Never had she driven the road to Cheyenne so slowly before. The weight on her shoulders and the tension growing with every mile as the mountain appeared closer to her. She flashed her ID at the entrance before long.

"Sorry, ma'am. It's protocol." The guard had apologized as he did a quick sweep of her SUV with the same level of care they had done on Sunday.

She found an empty, unmarked parking spot and took it. She would figure out which one was the one she was supposed to take whenever she knew it wasn't right next to HWS CO's. Then only if she'd grown some resolve to actually speak to him first.

Surprising the airmen at the first checkpoint, when the tip of her lip curved slightly. Sam imagined parking next to Jack's truck and coming down out of her SUV to find him there. "Fancy meeting you here, Carter." She thought he would say, and she would answer somewhere along the lines of, "there's no better place to be at, sir." She huffed. She was too engrossed in her thoughts, yet she still noticed how the airmen exchanged a quick glance.

"Something wrong?" she asked, causing them to square their shoulders quickly.

"No, ma'am. You can go in now, ma'am."

Things were so damn easy back then, she thought as the elevator doors closed behind her. She was Carter, his 2IC. The brain that someone thought they needed. But so damn green that she thought it was almost pathetic. There were so many better field officers than herself. Yet she had somehow landed that position as his 2IC. She had proven herself, or at least she thought she had.

'But did you? Where you even good enough? Or was he just blinded by attraction?' her mind provided. She clenched her jaw. She reached the second checkpoint. Soon, she was standing in front of Landry's former and currently empty office.

She looked around. She had no idea what she could or would place on those shelves behind the desk. There were no fancy ornaments she wanted on display. She, sure as hell, wouldn't showcase her medals. She felt embarrassed enough from just having those, at least the latter ones. But she couldn't just display her old ones without raising some doubts about the lack of new ones.

It wasn't long before she sat in the chair that didn't feel like hers when there was a knock on her door. "Enter," she had said and tried to look like the General she supposedly was. "Walter?"

"Ma'am?" he blinked. That was the only sign of surprise she got before he smiled at her. "Ma'am." He nodded. "I wanted to know how you're settling in? When can I start bringing the paperwork for you to analyze? General Landry didn't leave any specifics about how we should do this."

"Yesterday, Walter. I needed those papers yesterday." She said honestly. Knowing she was behind when she hadn't even started yet.

"No worries, ma'am. I know you will be up to speed in no time." He smiled. "Permission to…"

"Go bring them." He almost skipped to his office, making Sam's lips curve slightly. 'At least there's one reunion that went well.' She thought. He showed up a minute later with a pile of folders that was large enough to make her sigh.

"There are two more of these," Walter said. "Want them now or when you finish those, ma'am?"

"Bring them all in. There's enough space." Five minutes later, Sam could barely be seen from the pile of files on her desk.

"It's good to have you back, ma'am." She could feel the smile in his voice, but the doubt crept in. 'Is it?' She wondered. That stopped her from answering him. "Is there anything else I could do for you, ma'am?" he asked when she didn't answer back.

"Yes. There's one thing."

"Yes?"

"Do not tell anyone I'm here, Chief," Sam said, with a firm voice she'd forgotten she had. If she could see the man, she would know he'd lost his ever-present smile and was now frowning at her attitude.

"Yes, ma'am."

She started reading as the door of her office closed. After two hours, she wondered if she could hide under the paperwork for the entire day before someone came searching for her. Then her internal phone went off.

"Carter."

"Ma'am, just to remind you, there's a briefing in an hour with SG-1, SG-15, and 20. The file should be in the first pile I brought to you."

"Great." She said, but it sounded bitter. "Thanks, Chief." She added, feeling a bit guilty from treating him like that. Truth was, she didn't know how to treat him, or deal with people anymore.

The only adults she'd actually spoken with on an almost regular basis were Jordan and Jenna. However, only Jordan and Parker had managed her to loosen some walls she'd placed around her truest self. Could she learn to be her old self in the way she'd learned to be this version of herself?

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she searched the folder marked for SG-1's mission. She shook her head. She would meet her friends, along with two teams made from people she never met before. That meant they needed to see she was every bit the commanding officer, she wasn't feeling she was.

She saw the first members of the teams reach the briefing room before she'd managed to finish the file. The mission itself looked like it would need the three teams, even if she only knew what SG-1 was about.

It was just a humanitarian mission, but on a planet that was nearing the end of its cycle. So, the entire focus of the mission was helping the sick and feeding the hungry. Along with convincing the chieftain that the better option was to use the Kappa site as a temporary village. Until they could find somewhere better for them to be at.

Kappa site, she shook her head. The last time she was around the SGC, they were barely at Gamma. How on Earth was the SGC still not disclosed with so many people living off-world?

She felt his presence before she walked outside. The tingling sensation of Naquadah in someone else's body. The throbbing hum in her veins was something she'd felt every single day for the past eleven years. That thing that made her conclude, with no need for a blood test, that Parker had inherited the markers and somehow the Naquadah too.

This one wasn't as strong. It was as if it was dulled with time. She frowned. It couldn't be Teal'c, could it? She was sure the humming she shared with Teal'c was much stronger than Parker's, but this felt like a worn version of it. Maybe someone else was a host for a while….