CHAPTER 30
I don't know exactly when I passed out, but last night was so exhausting that I'm sure it happened fairly fast.
Mercifully, my sleep was dreamless.
When I finally did awake, I lay there, buried under an jumbled avalanche of thoughts and feelings, most of them painful, trying to make some kind of sense out of any of it...
...but I couldn't, and I hoped that talking to Emma later will help me begin to sort things out.
The one thing I did know for certain was that I don't hate Mom.
Even after everything that's happened.
Suddenly, a new and very sobering thought occurred to me: last night, the two of us hadn't discussed Emma...or my relationship with her...at all!
Oh, no.
And with a sinking heart, I realized that now I'm going to have to go through that whole ordeal all over again!
Because that conversation absolutely has to happen!
Well, at least now, I know that it actually will. In the gym, she told me that we would discuss it, and I know she meant it...
...and so, I'll wait two days, until she's "recovered" a little from last night, and I'll approach her then.
But right now, it's time to pee.
As I opened my bedroom door, I was serenaded by a cacophony of pots and pans clanging as Mom rattled around downstairs.
This didn't surprise me in the least.
Whenever Mom is upset, she retreats to the kitchen...alone...and cooks like a fiend. It's her personal sanctuary when she's hurting, and judging by the racket she's making in there, I could tell how traumatized last night's discussion had left her.
And when she gets like this, it's a very good idea to stay out of her way.
While heading back from the bathroom, my stomach growled loudly.
Even though I didn't want to go into the kitchen and disturb Mom, I was extremely hungry...
...and worried that I might have to anyway...
...but suddenly, I remembered that I have gum drops in my backpack from yesterday.
Before driving me home, Barry stopped at the vending machine just inside our school's front entrance and asked me what I would like.
I said I'd have whatever he was having...
...and so, he bought two bags.
And now, I ripped mine open with my teeth and ate them all in record time, thankful to have something to 'take the edge off' until I can have a proper meal.
Unfortunately, I had no idea when that would be, so I decided that the best use of my time would be to get cleaned up; and so I headed back into the bathroom and took a long, hot shower.
After getting dressed, I tried to determine the best way to spend the rest of my morning and early afternoon.
At first, I considered trying to reflect again on last night, but soon decided that it would be better to wait until I could discuss it with Emma.
Everything that happened last night had been so upsetting that, right now, I really need to hear her voice...
...because it all hurts so much that I want her on the phone with me when I have to face it again!
But, 3 p.m. is a long ways away; so how can I kill several hours until then?
After thinking it over, I concluded that the best time-waster would be to read...
...but not schoolwork! I'm in no mood to even think about that crap right now!
Instead, I want to read for entertainment, and so I walked across to the far side of my room and looked through my tall book case, from top to bottom, but couldn't summon up interest in any of my books...
...probably because I'd already read them all countless times.
Well, let's see...I guess I can grab a book from the living room...
...maybe the Sherlock Holmes anthology? I haven't read that one in awhile.
And so, I headed downstairs and over to the two huge built-in bookcases that flank our living room fireplace; but even though I looked carefully on every shelf, I couldn't find the Holmes book, so eventually I gave up looking for it.
I glanced over at the mantel clock.
Almost 1 p.m.?
My stomach growled again, and I hoped lunch will be ready soon. I sniffed carefully; there seemed to be several items cooking at once, but I couldn't identify any one thing in particular...
...but that didn't matter. At this point, I'm so hungry that I'd even enjoy one of her tree bark "bread" sandwiches!
Wondering what to do next, I looked across the room, over to the table that's right beside our front door...and at the tall stack of mail sitting on it. Several of the items seem to be big ones...maybe magazines? Or, better yet, maybe the gourmet kitchenware catalog Mom gets several times per year?
That's always fun to look at.
Either way, I'll just find something in the pile and read it while sitting on the couch; so, as soon as lunch is ready, I'll be able to dive right in!
Walking over to the table, I began looking through the mail. Once I had shuffled about halfway through the stack...
...the doorbell rang.
Taking two steps to my left, I grabbed the knob and swung the door wide open...
...and there stood Emma!
She's NEVER been anywhere near this house (Mom would kill us both(!), so the shock of seeing her standing in front of me, on my own doorstep, struck me speechless...
...but finally, I managed to find my voice. "What are you doing here?!" I whispered loudly...
...but she didn't answer.
In fact, I'm not sure she even heard me...
...because she wasn't looking at me.
Instead, she was staring over my right shoulder, directly into the house...
...with eyes burning, and wearing an expression of grim determination.
