Title: Christmas Calamity

Summary: The Penguins hang out on a tropical island as Kowalski celebrates his first Christmas with Doris. But because "Arch-enemies always return" Dr. Blowhole returns to have his revenge on the "pen-gu-wins". But Doris isn't having any of it... especially on Christmas Day.

Timeline: A couple months after "The Penguin Who Loved me".

Characters: Skipper, Kowalski, Private, Rico, Doris Blowhole, Dr. Francis Blowhole, Red one, Chromeclaw, Ridiculously Deep voice, Parker.


December 24th

Hawaii

(Parker's POV)

I laid back on a sun lounger as I relaxed on the beach. I was sipping a tropical drink with a umbrella in it. I lifted my shades and looked at the warm tropical waters and the waves crashing into the beach. I saw some sharks swimming in deeper water... reminding me why I didn't want to go in the water in the first place. I ignored the human idiots that were surfing with sharks in the water.

"You needed this," I said as I lowered my shades back down.

I was shaded from the harsh tropical sun by a beach umbrella, "Nothing can ruin this well earned vacation."

And then my phone ring, "Who could that be?" I said picking it up.

The caller ID read "Dr. Blowhole" and I groaned in annoyance, "Not today Francis," I said as I shut my phone off.

I pulled the battery out and stuffed it and my phone into my messenger bag, "You are not taking away the vacation I earned!"

I then laid back into my lounger and said, "Now where was I..."


December 25th, Christmas day

Somewhere in the gulf of Mexico

Penguin Submarine

(Kowalski's POV)

"I'm so excited!" I shouted.

"Oh no," Skipper said.

"I just can't hide it!" I sang.

"NO singing on this trip!" Skipper said leaning up in his captain's chair, "Julien singing is what caused us to take up Doris' invitation!"

"Hoping this holiday isn't going to end with... The Talk," Private said turning from the radar screen.

"Uh... what talk?" I said.

"Oh you mean the I never want to see you again talk?" Skipper said.

"Oh brother," Rico said from the controls.

I nervously shuffled my maps at the navigation station, "No...why would she invite us to spend Christmas with her...when she just going to break up with me... that doesn't make any sense."

"She going to say... Kowalski there's something I need to tell you," Private said.

"Then Kowalski's going to say... yes," Skipper said.

"Then she's going to be all like...I like you Kowalski but..." Private said.

"Then Kowalski's going to say b-but?" Skipper said.

"That quite enough thank you," I said.

Private laughs, "and then Doris is going to say... But I found someone... hipper."

"And then Kowalski going say What? Who?" Skipper said.

"Then Doris will finish with... Let's just be friends," Private said.

"And then..."

"Alright we get it!" I said, "But this isn't that... She won't..."

"Again," Skipper said.

"Sir... with respect... Shut up," I said.

"I respect the moxie," Skipper said.

"Really..." Private said, "Then I think..."

"And now you just exceeded my Moxie tolerance for the day," Skipper said.

"Right...I'll go back to staring at the ping machine," Private said returning to staring at the radar screen.

"I'm not 'ere," Rico said staring out the front window.

"So uh..." Skipper said before going silent.

I was deafened by the awkward silence that followed. Private and Rico were awkwardly avoiding looking at me. And Skipper was suddenly very interested in the airlock. Private and Rico stared awkward glances looking at everything but me. The silence in the sub was crushing as Doubt started to creep in. Doris isn't going to dump me after everything we been through lately... right?

"So uh," I said trying to break the silence, "Read any good books lately?"

"Uh no...you?" Skipper said.

"Not really," I replied.

Private turns to us, "Well I read..."

"is it a Lunacorn book?" Skipper said.

Private hides a rainbow covered children's book behind his back, "Uh...no..." Private said.

Skipper raises a disbelieving eyebrow at Private, "Really?" Skipper said.

"Fine," Private holding out the colorful book, "It's called..."

"I don't want to know!" Skipper said.

"You might want to hide that before Skipper gets a heart attack," I replied.

"I don't get heart attacks!" Skipper screamed.

"Hey watch your blood pressure!" I replied.

"Don't make me pull out the..."

"NO NOT the NEEDLES!" Skipper said.

"The blood pressure cuff," I said holding a blood pressure cuff.

"Oh," Skipper said calming himself down with slow breathing.

"Whew you almost got me there," Skipper said pounding on his chest.

Rico rips the book out of Private's flippers and burns it to ash with his flamethrower, "NO!" Private screamed.

"Nice one Rico!" Skipper said.

"We are approaching out destination," I said.

"Kowalski! It's not the destination... it's the journey!"

"Five thousand Three Hundred..."

"Not now Private!" Skipper said.

"blah the heck is tat," Rico said.

"Not you too Rico!" Skipper said.

"Everybody sing! Everybody sing," I said.

"Everybody has to sing!" Rico and Private sang.

"Can't we do something else?" I said.

"I spy with my little eye something liquid," I said.

"The Ocean," Skipper deadpanned.

"I spy something hungry," Private said.

"A shark," Skipper said as a shark swim past.

"I spy something made of H20," I said.

"The ocean," Skipper said.

"I spy..."

"Also the Ocean," Skipper said.

"I spy..."

"We're in open ocean right now!" Skipper said, "We going to be spying mostly the ocean!"

"I spy," Rico said before pointing, "FISH!"

"RICO NO!" I screamed as Rico suddenly turned the wheel.

We all lurched to one side as the sub quickly turned as alarms went off, "RICO!" Skipper screamed, "STOP!"

Rico laughed like a madman as he sent the sub speeding after a school of fish, "Who keeps letting Rico drive!" Skipper said.

"You," I replied.

"Oh," Skipper said, "my bad...also...AHHHH!"

"Whoo-hoo!" Rico said.

"Get him away from the wheel!" Skipper as Rico suddenly rapidly descending sending Skipper flying towards the back.

Rico opened the lower hatch and sped straight at the fish. The fish got swallowed by the opening and a mountain of fish ended up inside the sub. Rico put on a lobster bib as the hatch closed before staring at us.

"Do ya want any?" Rico said as we glared at him.

"Um Sure," Private said as a Shark exploded out of the pile and launched at Private.

"AH!" Private screamed as the Shark chased him around the sub.

"Rico! Put those fish back in the ocean!" I shouted as they flopped around.

"Aw," Rico said reopening the hatch.

"That's it! I'm driving!" Skipper said as he went up to the controls.

"Fish," Rico said sadly as I started to throw them back out the hatch.

"Don't make me turn this sub around," Skipper said as the sub resumed it's journey.

"And somebody get rid of that shark before it eats Private," Skipper said.

"HELP ME!" Private screamed as the Shark snapped at him.

"Blah," Rico said hacking up a fishing net.


Near Tiger Beach, Bahamas

Blowhole's Submarine

(Red One's POV)

"Status," Blowhole said.

I lowered the phone, "Parker is still not answering," I said.

"Fine...we'll do this without him," Blowhole said.

"It's his lost," I said.

"Indeed," Blowhole said.

"Doc," Red forty two said, "The Penguins are approaching their destination."

"Right on schedule!" Blowhole said, "Now get ready to head out! It's time for our revenge!"

"Isn't it your revenge?" Red One said.

"Chromeclaw?" Blowhole said.

A metal claw slammed down next to me, "You all work for me... so it is our revenge," Blowhole said.

"Right," Red three said, "let's take our revenge."

"How dare you," Blowhole said, "This is my revenge!"

"Sending us mixed messages," I said.

"Only I get to call it our revenge," Blowhole said, "the rest of you have to call it my revenge."

"So your revenge," I said.

"No our revenge," Blowhole said.

"So is it your revenge or our revenge?" I snapped.

"Don't get testy with me," Blowhole snapped.

"I'll go jump in the pot myself," I said as I walked away.

"Just follow the ACTION PLAN and we're be fine," Blowhole said.

"Yeah the action plan," I said awkwardly.

"None of you read it did you," Blowhole said.

"But doesn't the action plan go out the window the second we meet the penguins," Red two said.

"I'll take that under advisement" Blowhole said as he made a gesture.

"Really?" Red two asked shortly before chromeclaw smashes him.

"Now begin...PHASE TWO!" Blowhole said.

"What's Phase two?" I said.

"Attaaack!" Blowhole screamed.

"Right," I said as we all rushed out of the control room.

"WE HAVE TO GET TO THEIR LOCATION FIRST!" Blowhole screamed.

"Oh right," I said as we returned to our stations.


Lagoon on uninhabited island, The Caribbean Sea

(Skipper's POV)

Private, Rico, and I were sipping coconuts with limes in them. Kowalski was at the edge of the lagoon where Doris was. The Pair was sitting their making goo-goo eyes at each other and whispering sweet nothings. Rico fought the urge to vomit at all the gooey love mush. I blocked off their lovey dovey conversation as I took another sip.

"You end the conversation first," Doris said.

"No you end the conversation first," Kowalski said.

"Remind me why this was a good idea again," I whisper to Private.

"You said we needed a vacation," Private said as Kowalski and Doris continued their "argument".

"No you stop talking first," Doris said.

"No you stop talking first," Kowalski said.

"Conversation Over!" I shouted.

Kowalski and Doris turn to glare at me, "What?" I said.

"I think Skipper's being rude," Kowalski said.

"Oh no here it comes," Private said.

"I think that you think Skipper is being rude," Doris said.

"What wait?" I said.

"I think that you think that I think skipper is being rude," Kowalski said.

"I think that you think that I think that you think skipper is being rude," Doris said.

"I'm getting a headache," I said.

"I think that you think that I think that you think that I think skipper is being rude," Kowalski said.

"I think that you think that I think that you think that..."

"ENOUGH!" I scream causing Kowalski and Doris to giggle.

"And I think that you should get away from my sister!" Blowhole sneered as he emerge from the water on his scooter.

"BLOWHOLE!?" I shouted.

"Pen-gu-wins!" Blowhole said as his lobster army also emerge from the water.

"Blowhole!" I shouted.

"Skipper!" Blowhole said.

"Francis," Doris said.

"Sis," Blowhole said.

"Boyfriend," Kowalski said.

"I'm going to kill you," Blowhole said.

"Blah," Rico said.

"Red One," Red one said.

"Butter," I said causing the lobster to back up.

"CHROMECLAW!" the ridiculously deep voice cut in as the mutant lobster appeared.

"Private!" Private said causing us to all glare at him.

"What?" Private said, "Everybody else said something!"

"What do you want blowhole," I said.

"Why today of all days," Kowalski said.

"Revenge doesn't take a holiday Pen-gu-wins," Blowhole said.

"Why are you here," I said.

"Obviously for some yule-time..."

"REVENGE!"

"He even brought the ridiculously deep voice!" I said.

"Of course," Blowhole said, "It's a requirement now."

"Not on Christmas," Doris said.

"So what where's the evil doomsday weapon so we can destroy it," I said.

"Don't you want to know what it is and what it does?" Blowhole said as a sinister looking device is pulled out of the water.

"Let me guess," I said, "Project: flood the world."

"No," Blowhole said.

"Operation: do something painful to us," I said.

"No," Blowhole said.

"Some evil device ending in "-izer", "-nator", "-tron", or "-er"."

"Probably," Blowhole said.

"Melt the arctic and then flood the world," I said.

"Close," Blowhole said.

"And the device probably starts with "The"," Kowalski said.

"You know me...too well," Blowhole said.

"We don't really care with it is or what it does," I said.

"Since we're going to destroy it anyway," Private said.

"That not how it works?" Blowhole said, "First we fling insults are each other... then I capture you... then I relieve the doomsday machine... then I explain my plans... then while I am distracted planning you escape... then I have my minion attack you... then while you distracting fighting my minions I activate the device... then their some kind of countdown... then you defeat my minions... then Skipper and I engage in a one-on-one fight... then while I'm distracted you destroy my device... then I declared more revenge. And then you go off into the sunset victoriously!"

"Yeah but it's Christmas and we don't want to go through all of that," Kowalski said.

"So let's skip to the part where you leave," I said pointing a bat at blowhole.

"No," Blowhole said, "Red one! Activate the device!"

"Get behind us Doris," I said, "We're stop him in no time!"

"No," Doris whispered.

"Sorry sis can't hear you over my victory," Blowhole said, "Thanks to the..."

"WATER TELEPORTER!"

"Which allows me to flood the earth by teleporting water here from nearby water worlds!" Blowhole said.

Rico hacks up his rocket launcher as the strange portal on the device started to light up and spin, "Ha! Destroying it will only speed up the process!" Blowhole said.

"You drown us all!" Kowalski screamed as we got into battle stance.

"You have to get through us!" Red one said as the lobster army got into battle stance too.

The Chromeclaw was glaring at me with a "bring it" face as it got into a karate pose, "You can't stop me," Blowhole said, "My Revenge won't be foiled this time."

"No," Doris said.

"We'll foil this plan in no time," I said.

"Lobsters Attaaack," Blowhole said with a eye-roll.

"Counter attack!" I said as we charged at the charging lobsters.

"No," Doris said more forcefully.

"What was that," Blowhole said.

"NEAREST WATER WORLD LOCKED! READY TO TELEPORT IN WATER AT YOU COMMAND!"

"Very well... tele..."

"NO!" Doris screamed.

We all stopped to turn to Doris, "Deactivate device!" Doris said.

"DEVICE... DEACTIVATED!"

"What?" Blowhole said glaring at the device as if the computer voice betrayed him.

The lobsters and us were stopped mid-attack as we look at her, "We are not doing this... on Christmas," Doris said.

"What?" Blowhole and I said at the same time.

"You guys are going to stop fighting for once!" Doris said, "We are going to sit here and enjoy Christmas together!"

"Christmas with my sworn enemy?" I said.

"NO!" Blowhole said, "I am not spending my Christmas with them!"

"He's pure evil!" I said.

"He probably try and destroy us several times," Private said.

"We're enemies Sis," Blowhole said, "Fighting is what we do!"

"Not today," Doris snapped burning with a rage that sent shivers down my spine.

I glanced over to see Private, Rico, and Kowalski with their mouths hanging opening. Blowhole seem to deflate under Doris' burning gaze as he involuntarily shudder. The Chromeclaw had already fled as the lobsters struggled to contain their laughter at blowhole's collapsing under Doris's glare.

"I am not staying for Christmas," Blowhole said.

"Very well," Doris said with a smirk, "I guess I just tell mom about your evil empire!"

"NO!" Blowhole screamed.

"Quick question," Kowalski said, "where's Parker..."


Hawaii

(Parker's POV)

The Phone rang again, "Seriously?" I said.

"Stop calling me on vacation," I texted back.

I then quickly added, "UNLESS YOUR PAYING ME TO LEAVE MY WELL EARNED HARD FOUGHT VACATION!"

"Don't contact me again until I contact YOU! Goodbye... or as the locals... Aloha(that's Hawaiian for hello and GOODBYE)!" I concluded.

I then smashed my phone against a rock before I walk towards my personal hot tub.


Back on the island

(Skipper's POV)

"Vacation," Blowhole replied.

"Now we're going to have Christmas dinner... and we're going to be Civil about it," Doris said.

"Yes Ma'am," I said.

"Yes Doris," Blowhole said.

"I don't have to like it," Kowalski said, "but I'll do anything for you Doris."

"Thanks babe," Doris said.

"Barf" Blowhole said as Rico actually vomited.

"Hooray!" Private said, "This is the spirit of Christmas right here! Where even bitter enemies can come together to celebrate the season!"

"What?" I said.

"The Lunacorns say that..."

"I don't want to hear it," I said.

Doris gave me a look, "er... I mean... tell away Private!" I said.

"Christmas is the time to put away are differences and conflicts and share the holiday with each other," Private said.

"Sharing is caring especially on Christmas," Private's plastic pony said.

I stare off into space, "Never swim alone on Christmas," I said.

"What is that?" Blowhole said.

"The Penguin Credo," I said.

"I thought that was... never bath in..."

"That one of them," I said, "And the next one I know your thinking of is the walrus credo!"

"Fa la la la la boo," Blowhole muttered as began our Christmas celebrations.

Doris glared at him, "I mean... Merry Christmas," Blowhole said even through he seemed to dread saying those words.

"Say it again," I said.

"What?" Blowhole said.

"It wasn't sincere enough," I said.

"I will destroy you!" Blowhole said.

"I guess Doris has to call up your mom and tell her," I replied.

"Fine... Merry Christmas Everyone!" Blowhole said.

"Your a mean one Dr. Blowhole," Kowalski sang.

"I will pay back this kindness," Blowhole whispered in a threatening voice into my ear.

"We be seeing you in the New Year," I whispered back.

"I'm counting on it," Blowhole whispered back, "And my next plan will blow you minds."

"Merry Christmas Blowhole," I said.

"We shall see about that," Blowhole replied.

"Great!" Doris said.

"I'll get the fish!" Private said.

"Maybe we shouldn't have throw out all that fish Rico got," Kowalski said.

"That's neither here or there Kowalski," I said.

The Shark form earlier snapped at Private's foot, "SHARK!" Private screamed as he ran into the ocean.

"NO NOT THAT WAY!" Kowalski screamed as the Shark swam after Private.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

FROM THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR

(Jingle Bells Play)