All right, I think I've mentioned it in previous chapters but, just to reiterate: Just because I write something down and even give reasons for certain behaviors doesn't mean I condone them. This is an interpretation of Bakugou's perspective as Izuku's childhood bully.
Confessions of a Childhood Bully
In response to Katsuki's warning, Aizawa replied, "I've passed many students like you without ever questioning their prior actions. You're already doing better than any of them for taking steps to change and live up to yours. To pass them unquestioned and expel you without giving you a chance to correct yourself would be illogical. I'm here primarily to make sure that you reach your maximum heroic potential. So, while I won't say that you will go unpunished, I stand by my promise that I won't expel you for anything you tell me."
"...Fine," Katsuki conceded, although he still didn't completely believe it. He'd been a pretty shitty person and he knew it. Still, even as he feared that Aizawa would go back on his word, a part of him felt that it was exactly what he'd deserve. He'd spent so long beating down Deku and so many others, ridiculing them for dreaming too big for their seemingly little net worth.
Now, he felt like the one who wasn't worth as much.
Katsuki bit the inside of his cheek, trying to decide where to start. Fuck, he guessed the best point was at the beginning.
"Deku and I grew up together. When we were little, we were inseparable. From what my mother said, Deku's mom babysat me during the day when my parents went back to work. She mostly lived off of her husband's paychecks but did extra stuff to keep busy. So, Deku and I knew each other further back than either of us can remember." Deku's nickname for him, 'Kacchan', was actually a holdover from when he was little, and couldn't say Katsuki's name and the honorific that depicted their closeness. He just ended up contracting and combining them.
"Then, I got a perfect Quirk for heroics and he was taking forever to get one. When all of our other friends got them and he still didn't have his, I started calling him Deku. When he said he didn't like it, I told him maybe I would stop if he hurried up and got his, already."
He hadn't thought about that in a while. Guess he failed to live up to that, did he?
When he started thinking about how Deku didn't exactly hurry up either, he quickly cut if off, scolding himself for it. He knew enough to be aware that the thought was bullshit.
"So, his hero name was specifically chosen to turn your insult to his favor?" Aizawa asked.
Katsuki remembered the look on the other boy's face on the second day of class during their first face off, as Deku declared that he refused to be his worthless punching bag forever. "Yeah, me and everyone else who told him he'd never measure up to anything." He smirked as he said, "Nerd took the label I'd given him and turned it on its head. It was the first time he'd stood up to me for more than a few seconds and the first time he legitimately never let me put him back in what I saw as 'his place.' It pissed me off so much."
"So, he didn't just win the exercise in that fight," Aizawa stated. "He'd declared his victory over twelve years of suppression and degradation."
That completely stopped Katsuki as he thought about it. "Yeah…I suppose he did." He'd tried on that last day of Middle School but had shut down when Katsuki had punched the wall next to him, setting off an explosion intended more to scare than do actual damage. At the end of the fight, he was defiant to the last moment.
Katsuki'd been too lost in his own world to think about what it meant to Deku. But that was absolutely it, wasn't it? Deku had been fighting not only Katsuki but his whole damn past and—despite lying broken on the ground—had fucking won. "Looking back, every day was a battle for him. UA was just where he started winning."
"At the price of breaking his body."
"Even that was a victory." Katsuki replied. "Before UA, it was other people beating him up while he just curled up and took it. Now, he's choosing the terms on which he gets hurt." And honestly, if Deku hadn't acted the way he did, had avoided pain like a regular human being, things would be a lot worse now. When they'd been fighting for their lives, Deku had assessed the best way to get everyone out and followed through.
Katsuki wished Deku'd at least loosen up his self-control against the villains, though. When Katsuki saw a picture of Muscular and read the state he'd been found in by the police, he knew that he was the one who'd made Deku fuck up his arms. He also knew that it couldn't have escaped the nerds attention that he had only one fucking eye which would have made the perfect target.
That murderous fucker's eye was sure as hell not worth more than Deku's arms.
"How often—"
"Too often. Too fucking often. Sometimes we did it because he got in our way; other times it was just to hear the 'funny noises' he made, rather than beg." He sighed. "He stopped begging fairly early, even if it got us to beat him worse."
"Damn it Bakugou…"
"I fucking warned you it was ugly!" Katsuki snapped. "But if I get straight to this, I'll skip a lot of shit, anyway. So maybe I should go back to before and you can bring this shit up again later if you really want to hear more of the day to day bullshit."
The teacher looked like he was suppressing a growl as he stated, "Get on with it, then."
It took a moment for Katsuki to recall where he was so he could continue. "As you now know, he turned out to be Quirkless, so the name Deku stuck. I made sure it did. He was a weakness. Everyone knew that he'd never amount to anything, just weigh down people around him. If I wanted to be the best, I couldn't have a burden like him," Katsuki stated, looking down at his hands, which crackled defensively, even as his lip curled in self-disgust.
He remembered when he had gotten home the day he'd found out and told his parents that Deku was a quirkless loser. After his mother scolded him for calling the other boy a loser she had said it was such a pity, that it would have been nice to see them become heroes together. That 'Inko's son' seemed like he would have made a good supporting sidekick for him, to comfort the people while Katsuki fought off the villains. The hag had gone on about how Deku's mother had to deal with so much already without being burdened with a quirkless boy, although she wondered if that was why he had been so timid in the first place.
Katsuki pushed the thought back. He was supposed to be talking about what he did to Deku. What did what his old Hag say have to do with any of it?
"At first, I tried just ignoring him. It was working for everyone else, but he wouldn't get the message. He just kept following me around. So, I started hurling insults and the extras followed my lead." He rubbed the back of his neck, as he added, "I didn't use my Quirk on him in the beginning. I think it started with me just using my Quirk to emphasize my words and grew from there." His displays had been a good way to show off his power, asserting his position in class and burn off his excess sweat. "He still kept trailing after us anyway and it pissed me off."
Looking at his hands, Katsuki said, "Then, one day, we were playing in the woods near our neighborhood. We went there all the time. There was a fallen log we liked to cross. It was ten, maybe fifteen feet over a shallow creek. It seemed like we'd crossed it a hundred times without anything bad happening. But that day I slipped off, dropping into the water. Everyone was sure I was fine. Everyone but Deku. He came down to check on me and ask if I was okay."
Katsuki clenched his teeth and sucked a breath through them as he thought of that day. "I took it to mean that he saw me as weak - No, it was more than just that. That was the day I realized how fucking scary he was, with his Quirk obsession and shit. As he stood over me, I knew that he'd somehow figured out my Quirk and thought that that not only I have hit my head or some shit but he knew that I couldn't use explosion. My ability carried off in a few inches of water. Somehow, without me ever telling him, he fucking knew. Worse, he risked outing me to everyone else. And he didn't even realize what he was doing, just worrying and offering me a hand because he knew how weak I was right then. As weak as him." He clenched his fists, as he corrected the last part. "No... weaker."
Deku was at least observant and could figure shit out. At that moment, Katsuki hadn't had anything but his explosion.
It wouldn't be a coincidence that his report cards would start coming in as straight A's after that and he'd start fighting to be not just the strongest but the smartest kid in his class.
It would of course be years before he realized that school wasn't offering the right type of smarts for his goals.
But that wasn't what Aizawa wanted to hear about, right now. He was after the facts about what Katsuki had done to the kid who'd inspired him to push so hard. Because that was the truth of it. It had been Deku he was competing with, even if he'd never admit it. Not even to himself.
So, Katsuki kept going. "Now that I think about it, that's probably when I started getting physical. I think that if I'd been able to use my Quirk then, I would've blasted him away. As it was, I pushed him into the water and left. I didn't want to see him like that - I couldn't stand him seeing me that way."
And the moment Katsuki said it, he knew the latter was the larger of the two truths.
"After that, I was worse than ever to Deku. He'd already started hanging around the back of the group but afterward, he lagged further behind. And sometimes, after I thought I'd chased him off, I'd catch him peeking from around corners or stumble on him where he was lurking, just out of sight. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him to leave me alone."
"If you had, there's a good chance he'd have been kidnapped or killed," Aizawa stated.
That caused him to snap out of his thoughts. "What?!"
"Quirkless kids are easy marks. Not to mention that they're also sought after in the human trafficking rings. I've seen more than my fair share, while shutting them down."
"Why would anyone— You know what, I don't want to know."
"Probably not and considering the subset of heroics you're interested in, you might never have to find out yourself," Aizawa replied.
Katsuki wasn't sure how he felt about the implications of the statement. While he had no interest in seeing ugly shit like that, the idea that gaining public attention could keep him from dealing with certain types of villainous activities just seemed fucked up.
The teacher then added, "But, seeing him in a group with someone who draws as much attention as you may have protected him enough that it was worth putting up with being tormented by the kids he used to call 'friends'."
Katsuki clenched his teeth as he processed Aizawa's harsh words but didn't deny them. He wanted to believe that Deku wasn't aware of the danger but knew that it was more likely that he'd known and didn't want to worry any of them with his problems. Instead, he just trailed behind a group he had once been part of, even knowing that they would constantly toss insult his way and beat the crap out of him.
And the idea that one moment Deku could've been following them and in the next instant just vanish, forever… The thought was made all the worse when he recalled his words from the fateful day over a year and a half ago, even if he never thought that Deku would act on them.
Well, Katsuki supposed that he should continue. He knew that he'd get to talk about that particular bit soon enough. "My pack of extras and I got to a point where it was fun to pick on anyone with a weak Quirk. And Deku decided to 'ruin the fun', by standing in our way and calling out our unheroic behavior... He was right. I knew that deep down, even if he was the only one to ever say it. I didn't want to admit it, though. It was easier for me and the others to just beat him up so he'd shut up, instead. It took some time but eventually, he learned to keep his mouth closed and even then, every time he saw us pushing someone else around, he'd forget 'his lesson'."
Aizawa was glaring now. Even without looking at the man, Katsuki could feel it. "Yeah, I know I was a little shit!" he snapped. "And I haven't even gotten to the worst of it yet!"
"I won't stop you, then," Aizawa replied, only the slight rasp in his surprisingly level voice hinting at the deep fury he must feel.
Katsuki nodded and continued, "That's how things were for a good ten years. Everyone used him for target practice, and he was a good little doormat about it. Teachers even commented about our poor aim from time-to-time if we missed—"
"They what?"
"It was no big deal. They actually wanted us to know our Quirks, just like you say they should teach us. They just had us practice with each other."
Katsuki looked up to see the man's furious gaze. In that moment, he was hiding none of his emotions. "And they encouraged you to beat each other up with your quirks?"
Confused, and actually a bit willing to admit he was a bit scared, Katsuki forced himself to continue, trying to hide how unsettled he was as he did so. "Yeah and although gym was the only place that they openly encouraged it, they didn't really stop it elsewhere. Honestly, quirks are much more regulated here, since we could only use them in practical heroics lessons in the afternoon. You'd see the staff line up in the halls, sipping their morning coffee as they watched us. They'd even praise us on our performance if we did something neat with our Quirks." He suddenly realized how bad that sounded. "Oh shit…"
"Yeah. I might have to ask you about that again in the future, if I can't get enough evidence just by poking around at your old school. That sounds like an illegal Quirk fighting ring with children as the entertainment. No wonder you're so violent. It's to be expected if you're constantly rewarded for it. I can't believe…" Aizawa took a moment to calm himself down before he finally said, "You should continue."
"He stopped trailing behind as he got older, but still kept looking at me pathetically and calling me 'Kacchan.' It kept pissing me off."
Katsuki paused. This was the part he didn't want to talk about, but he couldn't wuss out now. "Then, in the last year of Middle School, we filled out our forms for our high schools. We'd all been encouraged to apply for hero schools but I knew I was the only one who dared send an application to U.A… Until our teacher announced that Deku had, as well… And that fucker knew how I'd blow up. He let it play out and once I had Deku cowering in the back of the room and the class got their laugh, he called us back to our seats."
Closing his eyes, he could picture that moment where he'd chased Deku to the back of the room, where the smaller boy had curled up as Katsuki had mocked his dreams while the extras laughed at the show.
"That was—"
Katsuki didn't give him a chance to finish, knowing if he lost his momentum for this part, he wouldn't be able to pick it up again. "Then after class came the crowning moment of my shittiness. I fucking took the latest of those notebooks he always writes in, blasted it and tossed it out the window as Deku and a couple of the extras who always followed me watched. Then, I burned his shoulder and told him to stay out of U.A. I... I told him to jump off the roof, before leaving. And for the first time in years, I could see what he was thinking. How fucking pissed he was. Angrier than me. Of course, a few sparks and he went right back to quaking in his boots."
Despite how much it hurt to think about, he declared, "And I left him like that, thinking I'd finally fucking won."
"Won what?" Aizawa asked angrily.
"Hell if I know!" Katsuki retorted. "I just felt like I won is all." He grit his teeth and sucked in air before declaring, "Next time I saw him, it would be while the Sludge Fucker was suffocating me." Katsuki tightened his fists, his knuckles turning white as his tears pooled, recalling Deku's face after he'd tossed the backpack into the Villain's eye. "He tried to save me that evening. Right after I told him to kill himself. While the crowd was gawking and taking pictures and the heroes just stood by and watched, he rushed in. I don't get it! After all the shit I did. He should've hated me! He could have kept walking."
"No, he couldn't. That's not who he is," Aizawa stated, sounding so matter of fact about it.
And wasn't that the truth?
"I yelled at him that evening, said I didn't need his help and he just stood there and quietly took the bullshit I was spouting. I ignored him, afterward, with the exception of a blow up after he somehow made it into U.A. despite being Quirkless. Or so I thought. The rest happened here, so I don't need to go into that."
Katsuki looked at Aizawa challengingly and asked, "You still sure you shouldn't expel me?"
So, yeah, Bakugou's admission. I knew I was going to cut this into a couple parts and although it's a little short decided that this chapter would be devoted to his admission and the next to Aizawa's reaction and the repercussions.
In the episodes where Katsuki has to help calm the kids, I think the point where he was talking about finding and punishing the kid who was leading the others, he might have been expressing something he felt that he deserved, himself. He knew to look for that kid because he was that kid and he hates knowing he used to be like that.
We don't know what happened after Midoriya stood up to Bakugou after the other found out that they both got into UA. Unfortunately, judging from their behavior, it doesn't look like Izuku made much real progress that particular time.
I think that in hero society, Mrs. Bakugou's reaction to finding out her son's best friend was quirkless would be considered perfectly reasonable reaction. This is actually a common type of reaction you would see people have to finding out a kid has a disability, even a minor one. To automatically assume that they will never be able to accomplish anything and to feel sorry for the family that's stuck with them. This is sometimes the case even if they had known the child beforehand to be perfectly capable, if a little different. Honestly, it's one of the milder types of reactions that I've seen.
Once the label is down, that's all that some people can see. Not everyone will do that but enough people that saying anything is a risk. It's something that is under near constant discussion on the forums I've been on for to people with disabilities because the decision of whether or not to reveal them and the consequences of either choice we make can affect every aspect of our lives. There are cases where it may be better to struggle through without admitting the problem than to tell the truth so we can the accommodations we need but at the possible price of the reactions of those around us.
But, if a kid hears something like this from their parents, its obviously going to impact their view on the person in question. In this case, Katsuki is getting a 'confirmation' that Izuku is somehow less than him, further warping his already biased view on the situation.
