A/N: This was written for a prompt challenge. For prompt 46: I thought you were dead.
"But they haven't found a body, right?" Kensi asks, tripping over the word body. She gazes hopefully at Hetty, who suddenly looks every bit her age. Hetty sighs deeply, shifting her glasses slightly as she stares down at the report in front of her. Then she finally meets Kensi's gaze.
"That is true," Hetty responds slowly. "They've only been able to identify one of the bodies so far, one of the gang members. But I do not wish to get your hopes up Kensi. The explosion was significant and much was burned beyond recognition. It may be some time before forensics come through."
Kensi feels her heart drop with that last piece of hope being snatched away. Deep down, she'd known it was unlikely, but she'd held onto the small chance that Deeks has somehow escaped before the building exploded. She feels tears start to well behind her eyes and bites down on her lip.
Unable to speak, she nods quickly. Hetty looks at her kindly, pityingly.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No," Kensi manages to croak out. She shakes her head again.
"Well, then, why don't you go home? You don't need to be here," Hetty suggests. Swiping hastily at her eyes, she says,
"I'm fine."
"No you are not," Hetty says firmly and suddenly Kensi notices the tears shining in her eyes. "None of us are. Go home." Seeing the pain in the normally stoic woman's face is too much and Kensi stands quickly, forcing the chair back with a faint screeching noise.
She walks as fast she can without running, bypassing the bullpen completely. Callen and Sam are there. She's not sure they or Eric and Nell, have been home in days.
A part of her wants to say something, provide some kind of comfort, but she can't. As much as she loathes the idea of going home, she can't stay here any longer. Can't face the pity, the pain. Even though she knows stepping foot in a place filled with reminders of Deeks will be even more painful.
She doesn't go home immediately, circling the neighborhood and then stopping outside a Starbucks. Her phone rings twice, once from Sam and then Hetty. Eric and Nell both text her. She ignores them, turning her phone off completely. She doesn't have the energy to put on a brave face for a second longer.
Eventually, Kensi can't put it off any longer and she goes home. Since they got the call, she's only been back for five minutes to grab clean clothes.
There's an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway when she pulls up and she approaches the door cautiously. Drawing her gun, she opens the front door, which is unlocked, turning in a quick sweep before she sees movement in the living room. For a second she thinks she's dreaming.
She almost drops her gun, letting out a raspy "Deeks!" He turns, in the process of pacing across the living room, his expression relieved.
"Kensi, I-" She rushes at him, nearly knocking him backwards with force of her embrace. Deeks lets out a small gasp as she desperately kisses him.
"I thought you were dead," she breathes.
"I'm sorry, I tried to call you," he says, holding her close. He doesn't seem to quite understand her desperation and she pulls back ever so slightly. But not enough that most of their bodies aren't still touching.
"I turned it off. But Deeks, what happened? Where have you been?"
"It's a long story, but I got a heads up that something was going down at the warehouse. I made sure I wasn't around. I went with one of the gang leaders and didn't even realize that there'd been an explosion until yesterday."
"Why didn't you call?" she demands.
"I couldn't without possibly getting caught," Deeks explains apologetically. Kensi just shakes her head. She feels slightly weak with relief. For the better part of three days, she'd thought he was gone. Even now, she can't quite believe that this isn't some dream.
"If I weren't so relieved I'd be really angry with you right now," she tells him and he laughs, resting his head briefly against hers.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to make you worry." He kisses her gently and then pulls back with a sigh. "I hate to do this, but Hetty wants a debrief. I'm surprised she even let me come here first."
"Oh no," Kensi says emphatically. He looks at her with mild surprise as she clutches him against her. "You're not going anywhere. Hetty can wait."
"But-"
"I just need you to hold me right now." Her voice catches at the end and Deeks hold her more tightly again.
"As long as you need," he says, pressing his lips to the crown of her head. Kensi squeezes her eyes shut, feeling like she's been given a priceless gift and whispers,
"How about forever?"
