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Heirs of What
| Part 4 |
-The Shadows Start to Fade-
Chapter (30) 'Before the Day Collapses into Night and Ruin'
Something strange happened to fear when it became familiar. It changed from a liability to a weapon. Once the uncertainty of newness was gone. Once dissonance disappeared into a consistent rhythm of apprehension. Suddenly the very thing that once made those afflicted scattered and ineffective now focused their efforts and drove their pursuit with urgent precision.
Thorin had become so terribly familiar with the fear that hung on him, so heavy it appeared a physical weight that pulled at him constantly. Not so long ago it had felt like a crutch when he was trying to recover Kili. He felt like every decision was skewed by it. Every action obstructed by it. The fear, he believed, was partly to blame for their failure. He had let it interfere with his mind and emotions. It had gotten in the way of their most desperate goal, that of Kili's saved life. And they had failed. But this time, Thorin was sure it was an aid. He used it to combat hesitation. It was a prod, always moving them in the right unrelenting direction. This time he knew it, could see and feel the familiar shape of it pressing into his lungs. This time it didn't confuse or complicate their efforts. It dictated them with a clarity and urgency that left everything else behind. It reminded Thorin, over and over in echoes, that getting Fili back was the only thing that matter. It was his sole, entire purpose now. This time he grabbed onto the fear and let it drag him with determination towards his nephew. He could not fail. Not again.
Thorin and his Company, with the distinct and painful absence of both his nephews, had made good time. They had encountered few of the obstacles that seemed to delay them during previous travel and had met no one since leaving the Mountain. Their surest bit of luck was that as the plains moved North they began to rise to steep slopes on the East and West before opening up again not far from the Grey Mountains. It meant that Fili would have to travel a specific course if he had any hope of overtaking the orcs. It meant that if they moved quickly enough, the Company was sure to catch up to their prince without having to guess his path. They had stopped only briefly to eat a few times and then continued on at a steady pace that kept most of them from engaging in conversation. Some of them shared a few words in passing, but most were focused on their effort. It was beginning to grow dark when Bilbo moved beside Thorin and asked the question they were all wondering but none had yet voiced.
"We're not stopping for the night, are we?"
"No," the dwarf king answered without glancing over. Then he raised his voice to address all of his party. "We will continue through the night. The moon is full and these plains make for easy enough travel. I know the strength of this Company, I do not doubt that you all are able. We will rest once we have Fili back."
No one was surprised by the decision, and no one disagreed. They had all suspected Thorin wouldn't want to stop even for a few hours. Not after they had discovered Kili dead only a day too late. There was a collective resolve that buzzed through the group, and even after a full day of travel they all felt energized enough to carry on. No one wanted to arrive too late this time.
Despite his usual nature, Bilbo decided not to bother Thorin with conversation and instead remained quietly by his side. He knew companionship could be valued in silence and thought, given the tension he could see coiled through Thorin's muscles, he might be in need of some voiceless support. They traveled for a while thus, and then it was Bilbo's turn to be surprised when Thorin spoke to him first.
"I must wonder Bilbo, where I went so wrong with the two of them." The hobbit knew he meant Fili and Kili without any need for clarification. "I know that my greatest mistake was abandoning them in Lake Town," the dwarf continued, feeling an openness and freedom to share his thoughts that only the halfling evoked in him, "but still I cannot believe it has come to time. That already I have lost one of them to orcs and another is so close. It is the one thing I tried most to protect them from. How did I fail so terribly?"
Bilbo looked at his companion for a moment, trying to decide if he was really looking for an answer or simply giving voice to thoughts he didn't wish to keep to himself. Something in between, the hobbit decided.
"They made a choice, the moment they chose to follow you, to face the dangers of this world. You could never protect them from all of it. And even if things have not turned out as they hoped, I believe they would have always regretted not coming, not seeing the world, not facing it," Bilbo told him.
Thorin shook his head. "I know that I could never protect them from everything. I never wanted to. But I threw them in harm's way. It is my fault they were attacked by the orcs. Because of my failure Fili has been driven to this madness. I know I've made mistakes. I know I must answer for them. I just never thought those boys would too. How did I not know the things I did would affect them so completely, so harshly?"
It was a good point. Who would have thought when they left the Shire that out of every possible thing that could go wrong it would be the very worst combination of them that occurred? Losing Kili was devastating but it wasn't until they were on the brink of losing Fili too that it became obvious fate was roiling against them. Who would have known the mistakes made would lead straight to the brothers' ruin? No one could have known. But that wasn't the point, Bilbo realized. No matter what could or could not have been foretold it did nothing to rid Fili and Kili of the free will with which they had acted.
"It was their choice, Thorin. Maybe they knew what they were doing and maybe they didn't. But it was their choice. Don't take that from them. Don't take away Kili's bold sacrifice and make it nothing but an accident. Don't claim Fili was just following orders and rob him of his loyalty. You may have always tried to protect them, but it has always been their lives to live."
"Are you trying to say this couldn't have been stopped?" Thorin questioned. He couldn't believed that. This hit too close, these consequences too personal. This felt like nothing short of retribution for his own failures. Why else would fate have wretched from his hands the one thing most painful to lose? "Are you saying I couldn't have saved them from this?"
"I don't know," Bilbo told him honestly. "But I think," he paused, "I think the choices they made were made out of devotion. For each other, for you. So I am not so sure, despite your certainty in your influence over them, that you would have been able to change their minds. They were always going to come with you. They were always going to be together. And that meant they were both always going to be in danger. I don't think you could have changed that."
Thorin couldn't deny the truth in Bilbo's words. Fili and Kili were never going to be separated from each other nor the Quest. Perhaps there was not quite so much he could have done to stop it all. But still, he knew it was his mistakes that had positioned them for such harm. And Thorin knew, regardless of everything he had said to his eldest nephew over the past weeks, that amends had not been made. Dis had forgiven him, but Fili never had. It had been preying on Thorin's mind, more heavily the past few days. And now he felt a new desperation to make his regrets truly known.
"Then what do I say to Fili, if we find him? How to I convince him that I'm sorry?" The dwarf king did not even realize he said if, that he gave voice to the fear that pledged his every breath.
"When we find him," Bilbo gave him the smallest smile, "tell him you love him. And tell him the truth. No excuses."
Thorin nodded, hoping against the nausea in his stomach that he would get the chance to be entirely honest with his nephew, to at least make apology for the distance between them and his failures that had caused it.
OOO
Fili didn't get much sleep that night. What he did get was depthless, always on the verge of being ruined by troubled dreams. He woke often, most times with a cry of despair as he watched tragedy play out before his closed eyes. He had dreamt of Kili often since his death, and with the smallest bit of favor he'd been granted, he rarely had to watch his brother's murder. Most of his dreams had been pleasant, either fond memories visiting him again or phantom ones forming in his head. But this night they were dark, and if Fili wasn't witnessing his little brother's death then he was facing down his killers, failing and forced to listen as they gloated about the fear in Kili's eyes and the smell of his blood. They were horrifying, and Fili could only guess the dreams were the result of his proximity to the orcs and his eventual encounter with them.
Finally, a few hours before dawn he gave up sleeping all together and propped himself up again a large stone for support as he waited for daylight. He was tempted to leave immediately, but he was sure he would overtake the orc pack long before evening and would still have to wait until dark to act. There was no need to rush and Fili knew his body could use a little more rest even if he couldn't sleep. He would need all the strength he could manage when the time came.
The air had grown consistently colder as the night wore on and what had been a pleasant cool had turned into a deep chill. Fili tucked his arms around his torso, but it did little to combat the temperature. For the first time he sincerely wished he could build a fire, but knew the risks were not at all worth it. He wasn't sure exactly how close he was to the orcs though he believed they were near. He couldn't risk them seeing his smoke. Surprise was the one advantage he had and he was determined not to lose it.
There was something about his current situation that reminded him of the past months during their Quest. There had been many nights especially early on when he was so full of excitement and anticipation and towards the end when apprehension and uncertainty had leached in when he hadn't been able to sleep. He would sit up and wait for dawn, wondering what the next day would bring and if he was ready to face it. Sometimes he would hear a whisper, Kili asking if he couldn't sleep and asking if he could stay up with him. It was times like the present, in the cold and discomfort, when grief hit the hardest. Because Kili always had a way of making the uncomfortable better. He would come sit next to his elder brother, so close their shoulders would touch, lending each other warmth as surely as support. They would talk in hushed whispers about anything and everything, and the time would pass quickly and peacefully. Before either of them knew it, dawn was upon them and the rest of the Company was waking.
Fili had come to treasure those quiet, soft hours of Kili's company, appreciating how effectively his little brother could put him at ease and share his heart. The youngest prince of Erebor was never one to speak openly about his fears. He was already the youngest. The most inexperienced. The most reckless. He refused to be the most cowardice too. But during those hushed early morning conversations, Kili would whisper to his brother about his uncertainties. His worries of ineptitude. His fears that maybe he wouldn't be enough. They were never thoughts he seemed to dwell on for long. Merely fleeting concerns that arose in the vulnerable moments of their shared mornings. It didn't take much for Fili to coax them away. It wasn't until Kili was abandoned in Lake Town that he really felt an utter lack of worth in his uncle's eyes. Prior to that, the brothers had shared a simple, hopeful view of their Journey's end, even if it was a bit uncertain at times.
That was perhaps what Fili missed the most about his brother, the closeness they shared. Kili was a lot of things, all of which were missed terribly. He was fun, and Fili longed for the joy he brought. He was dependable, always a ready hand to offer aid. But more than that, Fili had lost his closest friend. He had lost a confidant to which he could tell anything. There was nothing he did not feel comfortable sharing with Kili. He had lost that companionship and counsel. He felt like maybe that would always be the hardest part, the place grief would always linger most openly.
It was these thoughts consuming his mind as night turned slowly into morning and the first hint of light edged into the horizon. It was these thoughts he was dwelling on when he heard the first sound. He sat up straighter immediately, untangling his arms quickly. At first he heard nothing more and thought it must only be some wild thing waking up and moving a bit too loudly close by. But then he heard more noise, movement and the lowest murmur of voices or breathing. Something was alive and near and not alone. It was a group. A pack.
Fili sprang silently up from the ground and grabbed his twin blades. He dropped down behind the stone he'd been resting against, muscles twitching and ready to spring into action at any moment. His fingers unclenched and tightened again around his blades' hilt. His arms trembled and his breath came as a barely controlled quiver. He hadn't planned for his attack this way. He'd hoped for the opportunity to catch them by surprise. His dangerous odds became suicidal. There was little hope that he could slay them all and walk away now. But now there was no choice, no other options. There was only fighting with everything he had. And for some reason, Fili found he was not afraid. He wasn't afraid to face them. He wasn't afraid when he heard their footfall grow unnervingly close. And he wasn't afraid when the first one came into sight. Only surprised.
Bifur. And then the rest of the Company behind him, each appearing around the bend like it was nothing shy of normal. Fili was so caught off guard and jolted by the realization that he wouldn't have to fight for his life, that it took him a moment to realize why they none reacted at all. They still hadn't seen him in his hiding place. Slowly Fili raised out of his crouched position and stepped around the stone that had shielded him from view and the attack he had expected. He didn't intentionally stay silence, but no words rushed out either and Fili just watched his uncle's face shift before him, trying to decide if he was glad to see them all or not.
Relief crashed into Thorin hard. He was more overwhelmed at seeing his nephew safe than he'd even anticipated, the feeling swelling up inside of him until it found its escape in a single word spoked with every bit of fear, and joy, and anger a single utterance could possibly contain.
"Fili." The name ghosted pass his lips in an unsteady breath, loud enough to be heard but low enough to reveal the barely concealed emotions in it. Thorin moved towards his sister's son, controlling his pace and willing his steps into a steady, quick stride. Fili didn't move as Thorin approached him, and he didn't flinch when his uncle's left hand grasped him shoulder while the other rested on the back of his neck.
The greatest part of Thorin's heart wanted to pull Fili into his arms and let everything but his happiness go. He wanted just to be thankful that it wasn't too late. This was the lad he had carried on his shoulders as a child. The one he had picked up off the ground when he stumbled. The one he had rocked to sleep in his lap the night of his brother-in-law's funeral when the dwarfing refused to be left alone. The one he had scolded and praised and molded into a young warrior of integrity, honor, and skill. This was the child he helped raise. The only one he had left. And he was safe. But Thorin fought the incredible urge to pull his nephew into an embrace, the reluctance in the younger's eyes stopping him along with his own confusion and lingering anger. How could Fili be so foolish? How could he be so selfish? How could he have done this to those who cared about him the most?
"What were you thinking?" were the words that finally came out. Fili didn't answer immediately, surprised by the question and still trying to calm his own feelings. He was glad to see the Company. He had been sure only a few moments ago that he never would again. Part of him was glad not to be alone anymore. But he was angry that they had followed him. Angry because he knew they would try to stop him. But he would not be dissuade. He had made an impulsive decision but not a wrong one.
"I was thinking there aren't many orcs and alone I could approach undetected," he said calmly. "I was thinking if I kill Bolg I can delay his message to Azog and buy us enough time for Dain's army to arrive. I was thinking they killed my brother. I was thinking I'm miserable all the time. I was thinking maybe this could help," he voice rose as he spoke and his words came faster as he felt the weight of each one. "Or maybe I wasn't thinking. Maybe I was half out of my head with grief. But I'm doing this."
Thorin was take aback by the tears glowing in Fili's eyes and the feeling he spoke with. All at once he could remember that crazed grief. The kind that drowned away rational thought and stomped logic into submission. The kind that could be sparked in an instant, blazing too bright and boiling to stop. The kind that begged for action, for movement. Anything but quiet, still mourning that drained away what life the living had left. The kind that didn't really have any answer at all. He had known that grief too after Erebor burned, when his mother and the kingdom were lost. He'd forgotten how it felt because it disappeared the moment Thror died and he became king of Durin's folk. There had been no other choice. But suddenly Thorin understood. Not what Fili was thinking. Only that it couldn't be understood. That grief could drive one to do things that made no sense at all.
But there was one thing that did. One reason Fili gave that the Mountain King hadn't thought of on his own, but he should have. If Bolg and his pack could be stopped from reaching Azog and informing him that his army was ready, it could give Dain and his soldiers enough time to reach Erebor. If they didn't arrive before the orcs, Thorin knew they had no hope of survival. He hadn't even considered it before, but attacking Bolg was a chance at ensuring the time they needed. Maybe their only chance. Though he'd had no intention of continuing Fili's endeavor once he reached him, Thorin suddenly decided it was the only course of action they had.
"Then we do it together," he said.
OOO
Now that Fili was among them again, the Company decided they should rest for a few hours. Most fell asleep quickly, finding a soft patch of grass to their liking and collapsing under their exhaustion. But Fili didn't go back to sleep and so neither did Thorin. There was a small part of him that feared if he slept, his nephew would disappear again. That some impulse would drive him from their presence again, a reckless notion insisting he had to complete his task alone. But mostly Thorin stayed up because he wanted to sit with Fili. He wanted to be with him after the fear of never getting to again had been so real only earlier that morning. And he wanted to talk to him. To make amends when he hadn't succeeded before.
"You could have at least left a note," he said quietly in an effort not to disturb his resting companions. Fili gave him a sharp look at first, believing he was being scolded again. But then he saw the gentle smile at the corners of his uncle's mouth and relaxed.
"It seems you figured it out easily enough on your own."
"We have Bilbo to thank for that. He was the one who noticed your missing weapons. It wasn't hard to guess your purpose then." Fili nodded. He felt like he should say something, maybe apologize for leaving without a word. For causing so much worry. But he wasn't sorry, not really. He would do it again if given the opportunity. If he had told them they never would have let him go.
"I always intended to come back," he said instead. Thorin needed to know this wasn't him giving up. This was never meant to be a final mission. Fili had more faith in his skills and more respect for his family than that. "I wouldn't just leave. I wouldn't just abandon my family like that."
Thorin cringed. He didn't think his nephew was referencing him forsaking them in Lake Town or the disregard for kin he had displayed then. But that's exactly where Fili's words struck, precisely the memory they evoked whether intended or not. He had just left them. He had abandoned them. And he couldn't make it right. He had already tried once, his apology falling on reluctant ears and words sounding too insincere. But this time he would listen to Bilbo's advice and be honest.
"No," the dwarf king agreed. "You wouldn't do that. You have more honor than I."
"That's not what I meant," Fili sighed. He had no interest in fighting with his uncle again.
Thorin nodded, "I know. But I need to say this. You were right when you said I did it for myself. That I was only thinking of myself. I didn't want to admit it. I didn't even want to believe it. But you were right. I was selfish and blind. At that moment I wanted the Mountain more than anything." The elder dwarf paused, his head bowing as shame returned to its recent dwelling in his chest. "I'm sorry."
Fili watched his uncle's face, seeing genuine, unaltered remorse. There were no excuses. No lies. Just regret, guilt, and sorrow. It was the most open he'd seen Thorin since they left the Blue Mountains. Maybe ever. And the most sincere. He wasn't offering an apology while in the same breath trying to defend himself. He wasn't attempting to unburned his conscience. He was just letting Fili know he was sorry. He was simply stating his wrongs without any justification.
"I can't forgive what you did," Fili began. "But," he continued quickly as Thorin's face collapsed in disappointment, "I forgive you." It was the first time he had said it, significance increased more because it was the first time it felt true. He could never forgive the failures that broke Kili's heart and ushered in his death. But Fili believed he could forgive the one who had made them.
The king of Erebor wasn't certain he could speak around the swell of emotion in his throat. But he tried anyway. "Thank you." He took a deep breath. "My love for that gold was great. I can't change that. But it was fleeting. Not like my love for you. I want you to know that I have always adored you and your brother. Always. Even when I have not shown it."
Fili nodded. He did know that. He had always known that. And perhaps that was why it had hurt so very much when Thorin left them behind. Because it crushed every expectation, every belief Fili had ever had about his uncle. He had seen Thorin change into something he'd never been and it had terrified him. He hadn't wanted to believe it. He'd wanted to be able to depend on his uncle the way he always had. To relinquish some of the pressure and responsibility to Thorin's leadership. And that had been his mistake.
"I should have gone after him into Mirkwood," the younger dwarf said quietly.
Thorin looked at him in confusion, "We did."
"No, the night he was taken. I shouldn't have waited. I shouldn't have gone to Erebor first. I should have followed him." Fili hadn't wanted to bear the responsibility for saving Kili alone. That why he'd agreed to go to the Lonely Mountain first even though everything inside him had said not to. It was the regret he would have to live with.
Thorin remembered hearing from Bofur about Fili's first rescue attempt. He shook his head, "Bofur was right, you wouldn't have caught them. And even if you did, you would have been killed. Then or later with Kili."
Fili didn't answer, which was answer enough. He wouldn't have cared. There was a long pause before he spoke again, "It doesn't make sense, but it seems like some people are born to die. Like they were never meant to live a full life." It seemed a random statement, but one Fili had considered perhaps too many times.
"Kili wasn't one of them," Thorin said quickly. He wouldn't have Fili believing fate had demanded his brother's death, like destiny itself orchestrated his sorrow. That thought lacked purpose and choice. He wouldn't let Fili believe anything but orcs and mistakes had killed his brother.
"No, no he wasn't. Sometimes I think maybe I am. Sometimes I think it should have been me. It's not that I've ever wanted to die. It's just…I think he could have done better without me than I can without him. It's just, if it had to be one of us…I wish he would have lived. I wish I could have saved him. It would have been worth it even if…"
Thorin had no answer. It was humbling and chilling to realize there was a difference between wanting to die because the misery was too great, and wishing one would have died for a worthy cause. Fili wouldn't want the first. He would never throw away his life. But with a heavy grief Thorin realized Fili would have died by the orcs' hands without a second thought if it was in pursuit of his brother. He wouldn't have cared if he believed he was doing it to save Kili. Thorin was so consumed by the disturbing thought that he barely noticed when his nephew got up and walked away to stretch his stiff limbs. He was only really jolted back to attention when Balin approached beside him and spoke.
"Didn't you ever wish you could have followed Frerin? Didn't you ever think it would have been easier?" the white haired dwarf asked, revealing that he had overheard Fili's words.
Thorin had thought that, once. He had known with an absolute certainly when he knelt on the blood soaked plains of Moria grieving his grandfather, father, and brother that it would have been better to go with them. Until Dis was crying in his arms and he could not fathom leaving her alone. Until Durin's folk placed a crown of expectations on his head and Thorin understood they had no one else to lead them. Then he realized it wouldn't be better if he had fallen with his kin. Only easier.
"I guess I did," Thorin admitted softly. "But I was wrong. I was needed."
"Yes," Balin agreed. "Fili will realize he is too. It just takes time to find worth again outside of everything he's known. That lad always looked after his brother, like the role was made for him. He would never have given it up. Now he must find purpose in something else, just like we all did. And he will. But for now he can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop dreaming about it."
"Kili's death?"
"No, escaping. He's looking for a way to escape the pain. Somewhere he won't feel it. Some memory where it won't find him. Some future where it won't follow him."
The Mountain king looked at his friend with concern. "Do you think he can find it?"
"Yes, I think he will heal enough someday. And perhaps he is right, maybe this will help," the old dwarf said.
Thorin was saved from answering by the sound of Bilbo's voice, the hobbit's surprise evident as he called out one of the last names Thorin expected.
"Gandalf?"
This was the second time the wizard had appeared like a phantom during Thorin's rescue effort without a word of explanation like he had never disappeared to being with. He approached them quickly, becoming more at easy when he saw Fili safe and the rest of the Company accounted for. He looked a bit tired, but otherwise quite the same as when he left Erebor.
"Thank goodness you were not too late," Gandalf told Thorin. "I was worried. I am glad to see everyone looking so well."
"No thanks to you," the dwarf king answered, but his tone wasn't as bitter as he thought it might be, rather even and calm. Like he was just stating a fact. "Where have you been? And what are you doing here?"
"All in good time my friend. I have much to tell you, but not here." the wizard said. "As for your second question, that's simple. I wanted to make sure young Fili did not get himself hurt."
Not for the first time Thorin found himself beyond perplexed by Gandalf the Grey, this wizard who came and went without warning and still seemed to know everything. This wizard who appeared to know the Company's business better than they did sometimes. This wizard who always had answers but never the ones he was looking for. This wizard who seemed to cross Middle Earth by mere will, space and distance baring no consideration by this ancient one who always seemed to be in the right place at the wrong time, and yet was always the help they didn't know they needed. There was no figuring him out, no understanding of his ways. And yet, Thorin needed to try.
"You cannot just show up here without answer. How did you know we were here and what we were doing?" Just that response to one question would be enough to settle the dwarf's suspicion and curiosity for now.
Gandalf smiled slightly, like he found the inquiry amusing. "I was in Dale when I met lady Dis. I accompanied her back to Erebor and we heard that Fili had left. I followed at once in the hope of offering aid should it be needed. I'm glad to see that it is not."
"How is my sister?" Thorin wondered, immediately feeling guilty for the fear he knew they must be causing her.
"She is worried. Quite terribly. But she will be fine when she sees you all are. I suggest we return at once to the Mountain. As I said, there is much to discuss."
"We can't, not yet," Fili spoke up. "We're going to stop Bolg from reaching Azog. We need to delay their attack."
Gandalf considered this for a moment. He hadn't known exactly where Bolg was, nor any details of Azog's plan. Only that they were poised for battle. If Bolg was leading the pack headed North and was joining his father, they didn't have much time left. Stopping them was not such a foolish idea after all.
"Are you saying Bolg himself is traveling to the Grey Mountain? That he is near?"
"Yes."
Something stirred in Gandalf. This was a chance to eliminate one of Azog's most trusted commanders and cripple his army. It was an opportunity to gain much needed time for Thorin to gather and organize their own forces. Also, Bolg would surely know what had happened to the Gundabad prisoners…and whether or not they had all been slain…
"I think perhaps you are right after all, Fili," the wizard nodded, "he does need to be stopped."
Fili was surprised to hear agreement from Gandalf too. He hadn't really expected it from his uncle and the Company, but he had been sure he wouldn't get it from the wizard. It was relieving, and a bit satisfying to know they did not think him a complete fool.
"I guess we should get moving then shouldn't we?" it was Dwalin's voice that urged them all to action.
OOO
It was early afternoon by the time they caught up to the orc pack. By noon they were sure they were getting close, and began to move more cautiously. Rounding every bend slowly. Staying low as they crested the top of the slopes. Keeping quiet. They all knew the plan; once the orcs were in sight the Company would hang back and follow from a distance unseen. They would let the orcs stop and make camp, waiting until they were settled and it was dark to attack. Gandalf had made it clear that they should keep Bolg alive until they could question him. Fili was promised he would die as soon as they were finished with him.
They had crept up the side of a steep rise when they all halted. Protected from sight by the jagged cliff tops that had risen as they approached Ered Mithrin, the Company had a good view of the Orcs in the valley below, the far wall of the canyon opening up at the mountain base behind them. For reasons that were unclear, they were stopped on the valley floor, appearing to rest. There were a few dozen in total, more than Fili had expected.
He watched them, a sudden and boiling rage swelling inside him. These were the monsters who had killed his brother. These were the creatures that had caused all his suffering. They were the authors of every one of his nightmares, the floods of tears that had drained him, the misery that shook through his body all the time, the grief that had driven him mad. In an instant he wanted them dead more than anything else. He nearly rushed them at that moment. He almost descended the hill then, ready to finally have their blood. He watched them carefully, trying to find Bolg and decide where to attack first.
He noticed a subtle movement to his left, and looked over to see Thorin shaking his head. "Not yet," he mouthed. "At dark."
The dwarf king motioned for everyone to draw away so they could wait from a safer distance. Fili looked back at the orcs, reluctant to obey the order. The rest of the Company slowly started to turn back and retreat.
But they didn't.
A noise from their youngest member stopped them. Something between a gasp and a sob.
Sometimes shock was known to erupt from one's lungs and out of their mouth with a shout or cry. Sometimes it ignited movement inside them that translated to immediate action. Sometimes it had to build and crawl within for a moment before one could even breathe again. And sometimes it came so fast that all one could do was stand there and absorb it like a blow.
But Fili didn't cry out or rush forward. He didn't stand there unmoving in shock. He dropped. His knees slammed into the stone under them. His weapons dropped from shaking fingers. He was immediately weak with emotion. The others could only watch on in confusion. They didn't know. But he did. His younger, keener eyes saw something they didn't. Without a moment of doubt, without a second of uncertainty he knew.
Kili.
I'd be willing to bet this is the chapter many of you have been waiting for, so please let me know what you thought! I'm excited to hear!
