DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Vampire Knight or any of its characters. All rights belong solely to Matsuri Hino.
A / N:
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that after the rough year that 2020 has been, 2021 is a little bit better. I know that it's definitely been hard on everyone in various ways, but I hope that all of you, and your loved ones, are safe and healthy. COVID-19 isn't over yet, and even as vaccines get distributed throughout countries, I think it's still important to be as cautious as we can so that we can protect others.
I know that it isn't much, but I hope that this update in the new year will brighten up your day, at least a little. I actually tried to do a "mass" update (which is just 3 different stories HAHA) and it's definitely been cranking out all my creative juices so far. My writing has gotten rusty, no doubt, but I hope that you enjoy this chapter nonetheless. I actually had a lot of fun writing it, so it doesn't disappoint!
As we continue forward, I hope all of you the best! Above all, please take care of yourselves!
Now, without further ado...
Read on, m'loves, read on!
Shitsuren.
A Vampire Knight fanfiction
_"Broken Heart"_
CHAPTER T_H_I_R_T_Y_F_O_U_R;
"Without You"
YEAR O N E: JANUARY
[SHIKI]
To say that all hell had broken loose after she'd left was nothing short of an understatement.
After all, shortly thereafter, the Kuran Princess had awakened. He hadn't known exactly what he'd felt in that moment when he'd literally felt her presence—a weight, heavy, pressing against his chest, one that declared, commanded to be felt. It announced, "I'm here" and he could do nothing but blink at her, her previous reddish-brown eyes taking on an undoubtedly stronger red tinge.
Reflecting back on it, it had been a surprise, yes, of course. Despite the similarities one could perhaps draw up of Cross Yuuki and Kuran Kaname, coincidences happened. Her blood had never, not once, not for even a nanosecond, had given off the scent of a Pureblood. And yet in the span of a few short seconds, in a handful of minutes, he'd come face to face with the realization that he'd just discovered a new cousin he hadn't even known he'd had.
More than the surprise, he believed he'd felt… glad. Relieved. It was hard to express, hard to understand, especially for him, but—knowing that she was real gave him this strange sensation of… redemption, almost. It was difficult for him to explain and pinpoint—he'd spent many nights mulling over his initial reaction to her appearance before finally settling on that notion. Although he knew it was somewhat illogical and a flawed way of thinking, it was impossible for him to not feel grateful that someone else so closely tied to the Kuran blood and heritage was… good. He never had a chance to meet his Uncle Haruka and Aunt Juri, but he'd always heard stories about how they were kind, gentle, righteous; even though both his parents had uttered their words of venom and spite, he saw through all that to see what they really meant, but would never admit. The stories crafted around his uncle and aunt were so different from the stark reality of his own household situation that he lived through, they truly only seemed to be myths. Legends. Something unreal.
And he'd always felt remorse, because even if they were real, Kuran Haruka and Juri were no more. Their warmth and honour were no longer present to offset the craziness, the bloodlust, the madness that consumed his father.
For a long time, he'd felt as though the Kuran blood was one fated for the abyss.
Then he'd met her.
There was no cosmic collision inside his mind, no flash of lightning that crumbled the world. He didn't feel the ground shatter beneath him, nor did he feel as though the stars had aligned in constellations that spelt their names. No, it was quiet, small, a shift that came without a sound until it'd become a part of him that was so natural, as natural as breathing.
That was the way he'd come to realize how much she'd changed him.
And he'd always known it—he just didn't realize how much of him had changed until she'd gone.
For instance, the emotions he'd unraveled within himself surrounding the discovery of Yuuki's heritage. He doubted he'd have been able to discern what he was truly feeling if he hadn't already spent so many sleepless, introspective nights chasing circles in his own head about her. He'd learnt a plethora of things about himself over the short time they'd known each other, and he hadn't even been able to thank her for any of it.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, dipping his head in silent apology when he heard the hair stylist's half horrified, half indignant gasp. His expression didn't shift when she came back over and began fussing with his hair again, scolding him with, "Do you know how long it takes to even remotely tame your hair, Shiki-kun? Please try your best not to touch it again until after your shoot is over!"
A simple nod from him was the answer, followed by a sigh from her.
It was a bit ridiculous that he was still doing his modelling gigs like everything was okay and normal even though just a few short days ago, just a handful of days after Sasaki had left, Kuran Kaname and Yuuki had packed up and disappeared. It was a blow that nobody had been expecting, though when he reflected back on it, he should've known that Kaname wouldn't have simply stuck around after her awakening. To say that he knew his relative well was an obvious exaggeration, but Shiki knew him well enough to know that Kaname always had plans and plans laid out, and none of them included losing the love of his life to anyone.
For the first time since entering the studio, Shiki's expression cracked without his consent—a small, almost imperceptible tightening of his lips, the corners tugged downwards into the most miniscule of frowns.
He was frustrated with the Kuran in more ways than one. His mind immediately flashed back to the hours following Sasaki's departure, when for the first time in his entire life, he'd spoken with the Kuran first.
"Kaname-sama." It was telling of their relationship when a sense of utter strangeness entered Shiki just by saying his name.
Dark, ruby-red eyes slowly lifted to meet his through the reflection of the mirror he'd been pensively staring out of. "What is it?"
"You're tailing her," was Shiki's simple observation. He wasn't sure if Sasaki had noticed—if she had, she hadn't shown it—but the maroon-haired model was so accustomed to the presence of those familiars, he knew them like the back of his own hand. Their presence, for him, was impossible to miss.
"... And?"
"Why?"
"Does it matter?" A typical Kaname reply.
Shiki's eyes narrowed the faintest fraction. He knew that the Kuran knew. Asking a question that you already knew the answer to was loaded with implications, and none of them were favourable. It was in moments like this that he couldn't help but wonder whether it was in their blood. "Yes."
"It's mere curiosity."
An interested Kaname was another warning signal. The words left him flatly, matter-of-factly. "She'll never be yours."
The Kuran let out a faint chuckle, finally half turning to meet his steady gaze. "I believe there's a misunderstanding. I don't want her in the least."
That didn't convince Shiki at all. The strong, regal man in front of him wasn't one known for his benevolence and whimsical nature. If Kaname didn't want her in the sense of possessing her, he wanted something from her—something only she could provide him. That was the only reason he'd ever spend the energy to continuously track her. This was simultaneously a blessing and a curse. It meant that he would ensure her safety to certain extents, but it also meant that he had every opportunity to harm her, to manipulate her into doing his bidding without even realizing she was doing it. That was the way Kaname liked to play his games—in the shadows, hidden, a puppet master in the game of chess.
Shiki had never wanted a part of it, but he realized too late that he'd always been a pawn in this dubious game of the Kuran's. And now that he was, more deeply entangled than ever, he sure as hell wasn't going to just roll over and take it. However, he also knew that his own strengths were never ones meant for the spotlight.
So instead of arguing with him, instead of trying to coax the truth out of the iron-barred mouth of the chocolate-haired vampire, Shiki simply moved onto his main objective. "I'd like to know."
A pause, and the smallest tilts of the head as Pureblood caught on. "Know? What, exactly?" His eyes glinted. "Her location? Destination? Activities?"
Shiki shook his head without hesitating. He knew that he shouldn't—couldn't—know those things. If he knew, he'd probably set out after her, and he knew that wasn't what she wanted. There was a reason she was leaving, a reason that she was leaving without him, and even if he didn't share a single shred of agreement with her, he respected her, her decision, her pleads. Going after her would be walking all over the sentiments she'd shared with him, left with him. And as unfamiliar as he was with emotions, he knew better than that.
So instead, he explained simply, "That she's safe."
Because really, at the end of the day, that was what was most important to him. To know that she was safe, that she was alive, that she was still here, on this earth, able to return to him like she said she would.
If there was anything he ever wished for, it was for a chance to meet her once more.
A couple of heartbeats as Kaname regarded him silently. For what, Shiki wasn't sure. He was never sure what the Kuran searched for in others, what he truly thought. Kuran Kaname, despite their relation to one another, was as much of an enigma to Shiki as he was to others. Impossible to read, impossible to catch a hold of. So composed, but in a way that screamed danger, chaos, and disaster. "... She is."
Another shake of his head—he knew she'd be safe right now. After all, it'd been only been a couple of days. There was no way the young lady who'd sent Kuran Rido straight to hell would kick the bucket in such a short time. But he knew that the longer she was gone, the more uneasy his heart would be, the less certain. He was confident in her abilities, yes, but he also knew how unforgiving the Vampire Council was. "In the future."
Slowly, Kaname clarified, "...You're saying you'd like frequent updates on her status?"
Short, curt nod.
There was a faint undertone of mirth in his tone. "I believe this is the first time you've asked something of me." A pause in which no reaction was given by either party at those words. "You've gotten surprisingly attached to her."
Silence graced the room as the seconds ticked, ticked, ticked on by, neither of their gazes wavering as they cut straight across the room. He didn't see a reason to waste his breath engaging in this conversation. Kaname knew, and there was nothing more that could be said. All that he felt towards her was simply everything there was. Nothing more, nothing less.
And Shiki swore to himself that he'd never let Kaname use that as a weapon against him. Against her.
Eventually, the Pureblood asked, ever courteously, "Shall we reconvene weekly at this time and day?"
He nodded, and sensing that there was nothing else from the Kuran, pivoted on his heels to leave. He'd just taken a step out of the room's threshold before he paused and looked casually over his shoulder. "I take it that someone of your caliber wouldn't stoop to lying about these matters."
There was no decorum hiding the threat in his words.
"Don't forget who you're speaking to, Shiki." Lowly, darkly, responding in kind to what he'd received.
"My apologies." It came out sounding even more insincere than usual. And then he'd left, shutting the doors behind him, reaching into his blazer's inner pocket for his not-so-secret stash of sweets.
And then a few short days later, before a week had even passed, Kaname had taken Yuuki and disappeared like smoke into the night.
Shiki hadn't even gotten his first goddamn report yet.
Just thinking about the situation right now made him want to crush something, and it wasn't in his nature to act so heatedly. He'd wondered, the morning upon realizing they'd gone, whether this had all been part of Kaname's plan. But then he realized, very quickly after, that it was a stupid question; of course it had been. He wasn't only irked at their supposed faction leader for the issue regarding Sasaki—it was also how his newly-discovered cousin, the one who was meant to prove that perhaps their blood was not one destined for malevolence, had been taken away before he'd even spoken five words to her. Literally.
He didn't even get to say five measly words.
It wasn't as if Shiki was fond of Yuuki. There was no real attachment to her, exactly. After all, it was hard to feel affectionate towards someone whom you didn't know at all. This was especially true for someone like him, who had a very difficult time creating any form of connections with people, things, places… Most of the time, he just couldn't be bothered to care.
His familial situation, however, was a very different matter.
He hadn't known it before, hadn't ever really given it much thought, but he realized now that his upbringing was rather unconventional and detrimental. People were shaped by their surrounding environments while growing up, hence it wasn't farfetched to say that he was only who he was because of his parents. Their negligence, their madness, their expectations or lack thereof had affected a fundamental part of him starting from a very young age. He came to recognize that his emotional detachment, his lack of care, was a lifestyle he'd adopted in order to cope with the behaviourisms of those around him.
Maybe before, he'd be bitter. Maybe he wouldn't have felt anything at all. After meeting Sasaki, though, this dawning understanding of himself simply gave him a feeling of satisfaction. As he discerned more and more of himself, as he found pieces and pieces of himself, he was changing once more, undergoing some sort of metamorphosis.
Shiki had never disliked who he was. He'd never felt uncomfortable in his own skin, nor unsatisfied. If anything, it was the opposite—he had never desired for anything in his life to change. For years, everyone and everything he knew stayed the same as they'd always been. He'd always been neutrally content, and he was absolutely fine with that.
And yet when Sasaki came in like a tornado, he found himself somehow enthralled and amazed by how quickly, how drastically, another person could shift the dynamics of his everyday life. He was fascinated by the way she seemed to transform a little by the day, a change that was happening right in front of his very eyes. He couldn't understand the way she struggled, the way she felt so much despite trying not to, the way her emotions always seemed to be a mess of contradictions. When he got caught up in her storms, he let himself be carried away, wondering where they would take him.
He began to realize that maybe change wasn't so bad, that maybe being neutrally content wasn't what he should be fine with. Perhaps there was something more, something that could only be brought to fruition if he took steps out of the monochrome, mundane life he'd always been so fine with.
Now he was here, slowly feeling all sorts of things, and it was driving him just a tiny bit insane.
"You're spacing out," was Rima's quiet scold, her grip on his shoulder tightening in warning. "Focus, Shiki, we're working."
He glanced at her briefly, reacting to her words by tilting his head up in a way that he knew captured a very arrogant, holier-than-thou expression that he was sure the cameraman wanted. The rapid flashes of the camera were accompanied by excited encouragement, reaffirming his thoughts. When he felt Rima shifting her pose, he instinctively responded in kind, trying to recall what kind of vibe this photoshoot was supposed to exude. Modelling had always come as second nature to him, and it was a bit disturbing to know that he'd been so out of his element earlier that even the staff had noticed. It wasn't professional of him, and while he wasn't necessarily the poster boy for that particular virtue, he'd never disappointed during a shoot before.
But he'd also never lost the love of his life to some supposed unknown, predestined fate, either.
There was a rough jerk on his tie—much more forceful than necessary—and he snapped to attention. His eyes locked with Rima's cool blue ones that were a lot more irritated than the sly smirk she had on her face. Her lips barely moved. "Stop. Drifting."
"Sorry." It came out as barely a breath.
His longtime companion let go of his tie as the director gave them instructions for the next pose. She turned all the way around so only her back faced the front, whereas he repositioned himself to be more straight in line with the camera. With her face turned, she let out a sigh and spoke freely, but quietly. "I really don't think Kaname-sama would cut ties with all of us forever, Shiki. Especially Ichijou. We'll figure things out."
That was what she said.
That was what she said.
Except she was wrong, because as if they needed a cherry on top of their disaster sundae, they'd learnt upon arriving back at the Academy that Ichijou had gone with the wind, presumably to chase after the two Purebloods. Leaving them behind with only a simple note that was so like the blond. It was meant to be a reassurance, something to tell them that he was going to come back, that he didn't want to leave them.
And Shiki had to bite back the words that rose up in a choke: if you didn't want to leave, then why are you gone?
Because this was thrice now, and three times too many. Another comforting presence, another ray of light, another bit of himself that just walked away. No backward glance, no promises of return, no details, no way to track them.
And he was left waiting again, all alone. So alone.
Loneliness weighed down on his heart so heavily that it made it hard for him to breathe, and he struggled to keep himself from choking on his own inhales, his own exhales. He felt so alone that even his own heartbeat could no longer keep him company. He'd never felt this way before—another emotion so unfamiliar to him, and he didn't know if he wanted it.
His eyes, listless now, turned to look at the little ice music box Sasaki had created for him. It felt so long ago, and yet it also felt just like yesterday. He could still feel the phantom warmth of her hands as she'd gripped his, could see the way her lavender eyes had squeezed shut, could hear the wonder in her voice as she told him she'd made it exclusively for him, as if she couldn't even believe it herself.
Just like that day, if he listened closely enough, it almost felt like he could hear a melody playing from within the depths of that chest.
He closed his eyes and succumbed to that soundless song, letting it soothe the aches and pains he hadn't even known he could feel. Somehow, in that melody, he found himself remembering all the memories he'd built up with his various companions over the weeks, months, and years they've known each other. They came to him slowly in fragments at first before steadily piecing together into full movies that played inside his mind.
When he opened his eyes again a long, long time later, he knew.
There was no missing piece to be found; they'd left a piece of them with him, too, and that was a truth that, for now, was enough.
His eyes were once again trained softly on the ice box, which glittered so beautifully as the moonlight streamed in through his open curtains and hit it just right. It looked more magical in the night than it did during the day, something he found similar to its creator. He knew that there was nothing extra to the gift—it was not a channel for communication, nor was it something meant to hint at her whereabouts or wellbeing. It was just a music box designed for him out of her ice. He knew that, and so he didn't let his hopes form words to be carried out into the night.
But as he stared at that music box with the most tender of eyes, they said more than anything his lips could've.
The moons and stars that hung above bore witness to the words he never spoke, but never hid, hoping that she could hear them in the shimmering constellations they wove just for him.
YEAR O N E: NOVEMBER
[RIKU]
When you have an overwhelmingly large amount of hours to brood over your impending doom, it both shoves you further into the dark abyss and numbs you from the pain of doing so.
But I'd always had a lot of time to think about my death. Ever since Amaterasu had taken residence within my body all those years ago, I had already known about the fate that awaited me. I went through all the stages: denial, anger, sadness, grief, and then back to anger before reluctant acceptance. For me, it wasn't the idea of my death that tore me up inside as the days went by.
It was him.
It was him and the life that I would never have with him. It was the look in his eyes and the moonlight in his hair, the warmth of his embrace and the strength of his arms, the whisper of my name from his lips and the way he made me feel.
What tortured me slowly, endlessly, was knowing that everything so wonderful had been within my very grasp—
And I couldn't have it.
The worst part was that I'd always known—I'd always known it. Of course. Of course I would never be able to achieve something like that dream I'd envisioned with him. After all, when your life was written in the stars and they spelt out constellations labelled, "YOU'RE DOOMED," it's hard to not catch the hint, no matter how much denial was in your body. And when I'd travelled to Cross Academy, I'd made a resolution not to get close with anyone, to maintain a distance so that I could protect myself. Like any smart, reasonable, logical person.
Just call me a freakin' dumbass.
Because despite all that shit I told myself, it all came crumbling down before I even knew it, and for a vampire model of all people. Not Zero, not Yuuki, not Kaien, the man who was practically a father to me, but some unexpected, random, definitely-not-included-in-my-plans-he-should-be-a-side-character guy.
It was so funny in the most bitter way.
"You're smiling really scarily in the direction of those children, and I suggest you stop right now if you don't want to get police on your tail," Amaterasu hissed loudly, her voice abruptly and effectively breaking my train of thought.
Immediately, my smile fell, my expression turning as blank as a new canvas. My eyes refocused, and I noticed the parents quickly, but quietly, ushering their children out of the park I was currently lounging around in.
Shit, I thought. Thanks for the heads up.
"Most people smile very fondly when thinking of their lover," was her pointed reply.
Shiki isn't my lover.
"Oh really? What is he then?"
Someone of the past. I tried to ignore the tightening in my chest and the pain it caused me. After all, that was simply a statement of fact. Everyone was just someone from the past now—I'd left them all behind. Now, it was just Amaterasu and I. Just the two of us.
And that was only because I was literally stuck with her.
"Everyone is still a part of your present, Riku," she objected gently. "They're always going to be there."
Can you make it so they're not, then? I almost sniffed haughtily. Amaterasu constantly spoke as if she had the view of a much bigger picture than I did, but from what I knew, it wasn't as if all witches had prophetic abilities. It was getting annoying how she was being so optimistic and so… enlightened, almost? I tried my best to understand where she was coming from, but sometimes I wondered if she ever tried to do that for me—I knew she wanted me to just accept everything and move forward because she viewed that as being "healthier" for me, but what she didn't understand was that I couldn't.
I just—I just couldn't have it both ways like that.
It was just too hard. It was too damn hard. I either had to throw it all away and move forward like that, or accept it all and always be stuck in the abyss. I wasn't strong enough to pull myself out if I let myself succumb to those weaknesses, and without the proper support system, well—let's just say I wasn't exactly fancying the idea of spending the last years of my life a weeping, moping mess of regrets and woes.
Acceptance would also lead to a whole wealth of newfound anger, and I didn't want to hurt the person this anger was directed at.
After all, we were, once again, literally stuck with each other.
"... Riku…" was her quiet, remorseful murmur.
Forget it, I told her quickly, flatly, dropping the thought and conversation like it was a hot potato. I tilted my head back, feeling the barren last rays of sunshine that autumn would bring in along my face. It was almost as if even the sun was telling me my future was cold and bleak, a world without colour, a future erased. I could hardly believe how many hours, days, weeks, months had passed—it all felt like an eternity to me, and yet somehow a year was already nearly up.
A whole goddamn year.
A year without him.
I squeezed my eyes tight, shook my head roughly, forced my hand away from where it'd subconsciously come up to clutch at the necklace he'd given me, and conked the back of my head against the bench, welcoming the pain that briefly shot through my system and sent all other thoughts skittering. I forced my train of thought into a new direction, reminding myself that I was not going to mope about some guy I wasn't even supposed to have noticed. The first topic my mind grasped at that didn't revolve around him concerned tonight's lodging—the living situation had been pretty… well, sketchy for the past year, which was no surprise considering how I was a broke student, a huge distrustful cynic, and a wanted criminal of sorts that somehow had enough of a conscience to not just steal and lie my way through the nights. That meant I played a lot of it by ear, and more often than not, I found myself curling up somewhere outside, using my backpack as a pillow and whatever there was for shelter.
Unfortunately, now that winter was well on its way, I wasn't sure how much longer I could just casually camp outdoors. Despite everything so very unique about me—this thought came to me sardonically—it was to my dismay that I wasn't able to truck through any and all of nature's elements like some kind of invincible superhuman. Although I'd normally just use Amaterasu's abilities to conjure up an ongoing fire to keep me warm and just force myself through the winter, I'd come to realize that smaller, more close-knit towns like the ones in the countrysides had passers-by that had more… courage? Care? Concern? I wasn't exactly sure what it was about them, I just knew that they were a lot less likely to walk on by and ignore the weird high school girl sleeping underneath the park playground's jungle gym. They would ask a lot of questions, pester me, and eventually they'd be suspicious about how the fire was going despite the winds and someone tending to it.
Basically, it was beginning to get really suspicious. And I didn't need more people on my case, especially about small things. My patience these days were wearing thin, and I wasn't sure I would be able to contain the biting remarks I'd snarl out, even knowing that these were just concerned citizens. This rang even more true on nights when I unwillingly had dreams of him, of us, of everything I'd left behind.
Nights like that were the absolute worst.
Just thinking about it made me stomach twist, my lips purse. I had gotten to the point where I'd asked Amaterasu if it was possible to suppress dreams using magic so that I never had to subject myself to something as torturous as that. It was bad enough that sometimes he'd flit through my thoughts, would invade my daydreams—I really didn't need him plaguing my dreams, either. Whenever I woke up from a dream of him, startled, sweating, so full of absolute dread and hopelessness, I saw the world as my enemy. I couldn't help but refortifying my defenses stronger than they'd been, trying to cover up the vulnerability that I'd felt to wake up so far removed from what I'd dreamt of, to be alone.
Anyone who found me in a state like that wouldn't walk away unscathed, no matter how genuinely friendly they were trying to be.
So that left me wondering not where exactly, but how I'd be spending my nights for the upcoming months.
I never stayed in a place long enough to save much money or have any stable income—it was safer to be on the move than to stick to one place, no matter how remote or safe it seemed. I learned that quickly when I'd stayed for a month in a quaint little town in the middle of nowhere, foolishly thinking I'd outrun the bloodsuckers, only for them to turn up at night and practically raise hell. Ever since, I'd been moving hastily, trying my best to keep my route unpredictable, taking up pseudonyms, creating fake backgrounds, changing my appearance. Any money that I'd saved up in that peaceful month, which seemed so long ago, had been spent already, despite my best attempts to be frugal.
Surviving with an ethical code wasn't working so hot for me.
"Stop it," Amaterasu chided, though her tone was amused. "You're doing fine so far."
Say that to my dead tastebuds and constant hunger, I almost growled at her. The constant gnaw in my stomach had become so normal to me now that I almost didn't notice it—that was, of course, until I actually ate something and realized how empty it'd been. I can't believe there's no magic for basic human survival. Like you can summon a freakin' tempest, but you can't conjure up bread?
"You can't create something out of nothing," she almost huffed. "What do you think magic is?"
It was supposed to be the solution to all my problems, was my sardonic reply. Instead, it's become the root of all of them.
Amaterasu, having gotten used to my less-than-kind remarks about her involvement in my life, simply ignored the comment. She was getting used to me. "Let's go get some work."
I sighed, opening my eyes and hopping off the bench. I stretched my arms up over my head, hearing the cracking of some joints. I grabbed my backpack and slung it easily over a shoulder, pulling my hood more securely over my head before stuffing my hands into the pockets of my denim jacket. What kind of work?
"Something that pays," she answered unhelpfully.
You're starting to sound more and more like me, I noted wryly, resisting a yawn. My eyes did an automatic sweep of my surroundings again, though I knew the most dangerous threats were ones I would never be able to spot so easily. Shaking off Kaname's damned familiars had been like trying to freeze over hell; the only time I'd ever been thankful for those damn bloodsuckers who were chasing me was that one time they'd given me the perfect opportunity to escape from the Kuran's watchful eyes. I never wanted to get caught up with those stupid bats ever again. My senses have been on high alert ever since I'd picked up on his tail, and had been honed to a surprisingly high level. Unfortunately, it also meant that I was perpetually tired. I hadn't realized how carefree I'd been at Cross Academy, no target on my back, until I lost it all.
Another heavy sigh. I began heading towards the local tavern, knowing that if there was any information about more lucrative jobs, I'd find them there.
"Are you turning into a mercenary now?"
I'm trying to find a short-term job that pays, I shot back. What do you think?
"There must be something else."
Yeah, well, we'll see. Beggars can't be choosers.
"Riku," she half-whined, half-scolded.
This time, I was the one that ignored her as I let my feet carry me further and further into this unfamiliar town. The sun was beginning to set, sending a wide array of warm watercolours streaking through a once monochrome sky as it signaled the end of the day. It was a beautiful sight to behold, almost so beautiful it hurt to look at.
How could an ending be so breathtaking?
The thought made my heart clench, and I stopped where I was, my eyes drinking the sight in. It wasn't the first or last sunset I'd ever see, but for some reason, in that moment, I was overcome with this emotion that bubbled up in my chest and barricaded my throat. The thought reverberated inside my head again and again, echoing, ricocheting, creating some kind of requiem all on its own.
How could an ending be so breathtaking?
I closed my eyes, took in a shaky breath. For just a second, I let myself imagine what it would be like if we were seeing a sight like this together—where we'd be, what we'd be saying, how the lights would play on his face, in his hair, the warmth of his presence. I let myself think of what could've been for just a second. What would I be thinking of, if the end of a day just meant the beginning of another with him? If I could greet him even before every sunrise, if I could say let's go home even after every sunset? How would it feel, to know that all of the yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows were ones with him, not without?
I erased all these thoughts, all these images, from my mind, hammering them away like they were my heart until they were no longer even dust, and opened my eyes to meet the sky again.
I bled all the colours back to monochrome.
A / N:
And there we go, that's their first year apart! Honestly, writing from Shiki's perspective was so new to me, and to see it contrast with Riku... it was just so amusing to me, and like I said, I had a lot of fun with it. For those of you were waiting for Shiki's POV, I hope you enjoyed! It kind of breaks my heart that they're apart like this and struggling so much, but honestly, this had been part of the plot since day one, so...
Yeah. Wow. It's been a long time. ANYWAY.
LOTS OF LOVE AND THANKS TO;
BerserkMoon, RainyRandom, LadyAmazon, luvielle, Sakurablossom125, Onesie Queen, Kiwi, PainteDreamer, Guest, LMarie99, Mithila1996, gwen, rabiosarabiosa, Ficchii, and Guest
Thank you as well to everyone who has favourited and alerted this story!
Now, let's do some rapid-fire replies, shall we? I'm going to limit myself to 3, mainly because it's 2:30 AM here and I still need to edit the chapters for my other stories before going to bed (ack!)
To Onesie Queen;
Ohmygosh you're killing me here HAHAHA I love how you seemed just as excited as I was at the idea of having Zevy hints in this story! Honestly, after finishing Heterochromia, I've found myself missing Zevy and the rest of my Heterochromia OCs a lot. It's kind of crazy, and I wonder what it's going to be like once I finish Shitsuren, which was the first story I ever posted… It's definitely been a wild ride, but I'm so glad you seem to be enjoying it! I'm so happy to know that you love these stories so much, and I hope this didn't disappoint! Happy New Year, and please continue to stay safe during these times!
To rabiosarabiosa;
Firstly, thank you so much for your compliments! I'm not sure I'm deserving, but I'm touched nonetheless to receive them! Secondly, to be super super super honest, I actually kind of even forgot he had 2 favours left. However, because you brought it to my attention, I'll have to say that he uses them sometime after Shitsuren ends, probably. Mainly because there's nothing he can really ask of her right now, y'know? Thirdly, don't worry, I'm not offended at all by what you've said about Riku! I'm not really sure I'd personally consider Mary-Sueish because she's got a lot of personality flaws, I think? But I think the whole point is that she doesn't need Shiki to save her, y'know? I definitely understand the appeal and the romance in having your knight in shining armour come and rescue you, but Riku's never quite been that type. I'm trying to be more conscious of how I portray characters and how gender plays a role in fiction, since it's obviously such an important topic. I'm not saying Shiki isn't strong or that Riku doesn't have her weaknesses, but (and I hope this isn't a major spoiler) our boi Senri unfortunately doesn't make any heroic saves in this story! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me your thoughts, and I hope I sort of clarified anything you were unsure about! Happy New Year, and I hope that you, as well as your loved ones, are safe!
To Ficchii;
Hearing you say it's been 11 years for that kiss makes me feel so ashamed HAHA I'M SORRY. I honestly never expected it to take this long when I first started writing the story, and ahhh. I'm just so shocked that you're still with me despite how long it's been—I'm so thankful, and I'm always so happy to hear from you! I'm glad you still enjoy my work, and I hope this chapter was no exception! Thank you so much for all your support throughout the years. Happy New Year, and I hope you're safe, that 2021 will be good to you, and that I'll hear from you sometime soon again!
END OF RESPONSES!
Like I said in the beginning note, I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter, and that this helped your start to the new year be even just a tiny bit brighter! I'm excited for the upcoming chapters despite knowing that it means Shitsuren will be ending, but holy smokes, it's been such a long journey, and to think about it ending... It's a very conflicting amount of emotions. I'm not sure if the next chapter will be the last, or the one after, but it's definitely coming up real fast, y'all. Hopefully 2021 will be the year we all see this story reach completion!
More than anything, though, I just hope that all of you continue to stay safe and healthy! Please take care of yourselves, and thank you to all of you who sacrificed so much to make sure you're abiding by health restrictions, despite the holidays. It's admirable, it takes a lot of resolves, and it's so appreciated.
XOXO,
-EverlastingxSong-
