HI
I am SO SORRY this chapter is so late and I if I had a good excuse other than 0 motivation for writing, uni work or life then I would share it but unfortunately that's the truth of it.
so to say sorry here's a hopefully longer(ish) kinda good chapter?
as always all of the mistakes and shite is mine,
please lemme know what you think - your comments and kudos really do mean the world to me and that's what dragged me back to finish this chapter (thank you 3)

but yeah - here it is - enjoy - lemme know what you think (as always I have no idea where I'm going with this)
love y'all,
Vx xoxo

1 Week.

That's how long the boys had been in the hospital for.

1 long draining but much needed week.

After the little moment together, Will requested that the boys be put into a room together, to ensure that they didn't sneak off trying to see the other before they were ready to be up and about but also so that they could calm each other down when their nightmares got too much for them.

Jay had surprisingly, or not if you're Will or Mouse, bounced back relatively quickly, pretending that everything was ok again and that he was fine. Will and Mouse saw through the mask, others bought it and so a week later the boys were discharged following instructions that they are to relax at home and Will is to stay with them in case either of them need anything.

Leaving the hospital had been relatively uneventful, short goodbyes were shared with the nurses who had to fight with the boys daily about their limits and pain meds, scripts were filled and Will was ushering the boys out of the doors to the car.

The journey home was silent, Mouse and Jay in the back of the car; each looking out of their retrospective windows; Will driving, thinking over what was going to happen once they were back home.

They pull up to the shared apartment and enter without any fallouts, Jay heading straight for the bathroom, Mouse on the couch, leaving Will to lock the front door and awkwardly head for a glass of water from the kitchen. Heading back into the living room, Will watches Mouse. Watches as he sits quietly with the tv turned on, some programme he knows he isn't even pretending to be paying attention to, while he waits for Jay.

They both sit waiting for Jay to reemerge but they hear the bathroom door open and the bedroom door close, signaling he wants to be left alone for now.

Sighing, Will placed his now empty glass down on the coffee table and turned to catch Mouse's attention.

"You ok there bud?" he asked gently.

"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine." Mouse quickly replied.

"You can tell me if you're not, you know that right?" to which Mouse just nodded, looking at the floor.

After a tentative few minutes Mouse sniffled, and wiped a hand across his face, catching the few rebel tears.

"I'm not. I'm sorry." he let out with a huff.

"You don't have to apologise, alright, never. What's up? Please talk to me Mouse?"

"I just - I'm worried about him," he sighed, "what we went through, back in Afghanistan nearly killed him. Then this? He was going to shoot me Will. In that basement, Taylor was going to make him shoot me, and he nearly did, but then he came back. He pulled himself back. But it just made me think about Afghanistan. And I know it's made him think about that time too. We gotta keep a closer eye on him, I don't know if he can take it again." Mouse finished his speech, running his hand over his face again, in frustration and worry. Will just looked on in silence, not knowing what to say and not wanting to say the wrong thing he just reaches a hand over to rest on Mouse's knee, squeezing meaningfully.

They stand in sync and with a look shared they head towards the bedroom, where Will knows the mattresses are still together on the floor. Knocking twice, they slowly open the door, hearts dropping when they do.

Stepping into the room, the two men are greeted with the sight of Jay huddled in a ball in the far corner of the room, blanket pulled tight around his shivering body, face blank staring at the wall.

"Jay?" Will started, and got no response.

"Hey, bud? Jay? Can we come closer?" Mouse tried.

Jay didn't respond, didn't move, didn't react. Will and Mouse didn't know what to do. Will felt like crying, seeing his little brother back to square one, making himself look smaller and younger beyond his years. Mouse was angry, worried but angry, he was glad that Taylor was dead otherwise Mouse was going to kill him himself - slowly and painfully. But he knew he couldn't voice this thought, couldn't bring it up before Jay did. Boundaries and let him lead by example, they both remembered Dr Charles saying.

They both met eyes, a shared thought passed between them as they took a cautious step forward toward Jay.

"Jay? It's Will and Mouse. We're just going to come closer, alright? We won't touch you until you say it's ok but we just want to make sure you're alright." Will said again, putting an edge to his voice to make Jay try and to hear him.

Thankfully and finally, Jay blinked roughly and looked over at the other two men.

"Will?" Jay croaked out, throat dry.

"Yeah kiddo, it's me." Will replied with a reassuring smile on his face. He watched as Jay seemed to relax for a second before shooting a hand out to grab onto his arm, grabbing his attention, fear and panic coating his features.

"Mouse!" he called out suddenly, voice still hoarse and quiet but louder than before.

"Hey, he's ok. It's ok, Mouse is right here. Jay, you're alright, he's alright, calm down. It's ok, he's here." Will repeated, until Jay finally took a calmer breath.

Mouse felt like now was an appropriate time to step forward and make his presence known, hoping to further calm his friend.

"Hey bud" was all he could manage to say. A small smile on his face as he crouched near Jay, not touching until he was given the go ahead.

Jay slowly reached a hand out to hold onto Mouse's arm. Mouse could sense the fear, knew what he was thinking as if it were his own thoughts, and resting a hand on top of Jay's he whispered calming words to him.

"It's ok. We're ok, Jay. We're not going anywhere. Alright bud, we're right here."

Will looked on, as has become a norm, and saw the way his little brother and Mouse were connected, in more ways than the one.

"How about we head to bed? We'll all be in here, like before, yeah?" Will offered, receiving a nod from Jay and Mouse.

Will and Mouse headed to change while Jay did the same in his room alone, where he stood and looked at himself in the full length mirror at the side of the door.

He looked himself up and down. What was once a strong and muscular form was now a gaunt, bruised and scarred being staring back at him. He knew he had scars, both self inflicted and war/work related and so never thought much of them. He believed that each scar carried a story of its own. The one on his shoulder from his undercover op at Mollys. Scars on his back, slight scarring on his wrists and lower neck from his time overseas. The ones on his chest and abdomen from his time with Keyes a couple years back. The ones on his upper arm and thighs are self inflicted - each one for someone he couldn't save or someone he let down. Mouse and Will were written on the inside of his upper arm, there to help him remember this was real and to remember who he was.

Looking up at his face he noticed that his eyes looked hollow, his hair was messy - it had been ignored in favour of other issues and was past needing to be cut now, maybe he could ask Will or Mouse to do it tomorrow. His stubble was growing through from his hospital stay and honestly he didn't care all that much about it.

He could feel himself growing more anxious and panicked the longer he looked in the mirror, so he ran his hands over the names on his arm and quickly turned his back and grabbed the sweats and jumper laying on the bed frame. As soon as he was dressed he headed out to the lounge to see Will and Mouse in there, each holding a glass of water each, with one on the table for Jay to have with before or to take to bed.

He walked over and sat in between the two on the couch, placed a hand on each of their knees and leant back to rest against the cushions.

"You ok?" Will asked, looking over to him. Jay just nodded in response, whispering a soft "yeah". Will and Mouse looked at each other over his head but brushed it off, they could wait another day for this discussion.

"Want a drink? Here, I can pass you this water?" Mouse offered.

Jay blanched and quickly shook his head, "no, no thank you."

Will was still confused but Mouse seemed to be piecing it together.

"Jay, bud. You have to drink, you need to get some fluids in you."

Jay just shook his head again, pushing further back into the couch.

"Jay, come on. You're not in the hospital anymore getting fluid through an iv so you need to drink something. Just let me know what and I'll get it for you but you have to get some fluids in you, if you don't you'll pass out from dehydration and have to go back to Med." Will tried, thinking the threat of going back to the hospital would shake him into letting himself have the basic human necessities. He reached forward, hoping that Jay would listen and take a drink if he handed it to him.

Will should have looked over at Mouse.

While this was going on, Mouse was replaying all of the memories from the past few months. Jay being drugged and not wanting to drink anything the first time round, Jay being taken again and being drugged again. Mouse watched Taylor hand Jay bottles of water - which now come to think of it was how he was keeping Jay so docile as he probably laced the drink with the drug. Making Jay drug himself, keep himself down - almost like a choice… 'what a fucking sick power play' Mouse thought.

Will should have looked over at Mouse.

In a flash the glass went from Will's hand to flying across the room and smashing against the wall over from them.

"Don't make me. Please! I'm sorry! Just, don't make me!" Jay cried out.

"Woah." Will yelled, stunned, "Woah. Hey? What was that? What's wrong?"

"Just don't make me drink it. I didn't do anything wrong?" Jay said, voice quieter with a slight wobble to it, his tone making his last phrase a question. Which broke Will's heart. His little brother thought he was forcing him to do something because he had done something wrong. How shit did he feel.

Mouse on the other hand had yet to snap out of his state of shock. It wasn't until Will literally called his name and gestured to Jay, curled in between them on the couch still, head between his knees - protective/defensive, he noticed - did he come to and try his hand in the situation.

"Jay? Hey, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong, please look at us?" he tried, tone and voice low and soft.

"Jay. I'm sorry." Will blurted out. Which made Jay look up and over to him, face a picture of confusion and trepidation. He tilted his head to the side, questioning.

"I'm sorry," Will continued, "you said no and I pushed. I shouldn't have pushed. We've discussed boundaries before, discussed limits and I pushed you and yours. So, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you."

"Don't be." Jay whispered.

Will chuckled, "I'm your big brother and a doctor, it's literally my job to worry about you."

This made Mouse snort in laughter and a small smile to raise on Jay's face also.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it but what was that? I'm asking so I don't do the same - push you - again." Will asked, bending his head to meet Jay's eyes.

When Jay didn't answer and the silence stretched on for over a minute, Mouse squeezed Jay's shoulder, hoping to gain his attention.

"I think I might have an idea? Stop me if I'm wrong?" he asked as a way of seeking permission to both speak but also for him to know Jay understood him. Jay nodded, holding onto both Will's and Mouse's hands, squeezing periodically.

Taking a breath, Mouse started his theory.

"So, I'm thinking, you don't want to drink anything because you're finding it hard to trust us right now? Am I close?"

Jay shrugged.

"Ok. When you were with Taylor, I'm assuming you got rewards alongside punishments, right?"

A nod.

"And from past experiences, I know that it takes a lot to keep you down Sarge" he couldn't help himself with that slip of the tongue but oh well, too late now, "so what I'm thinking is he used that drug that we found in your tox screens to keep you mellow, and when he saw you starting to 'wake up' for lack of a better term, he came in with a promise of water for being good and doing what you were told. And from what we have learnt about this drug is that it makes people susceptible to ideas and can alter memories. He kept you drugged, kept you hydrated but you figured it out."

He looked at Jay's face, hoping he was ok for him to keep going, and so squeezing his hand in questioning, Jay responded with a small nod and a squeeze back.

"That's why you kept apologising to me in that basement, why you took the glass instead of me getting a 'lesson in manners'. He used it as a bargaining tool. Used it as a way to make you seek out for it for the pain to stop, but then you weren't in control."

He looked over at Will, sighing and shaking his head "you aren't drinking because you don't trust us." he finished.

Jay sniffled and squeezed the hands tighter "not you. Never you. I always trust you. I just - my head - and I panic and - and…" he couldn't finish, finding himself falling into sobbing once more, hearing his brother and best friend ask him if they could hold him, which made him cry all the more, but following a tiny nod and tug on each of the hands in his, he found himself engulfed in this huddle of warmth and security which made him feel more safe than he ever had in quite some time.

Will kissed the top of Jay's head as he gently asked "what can we do to help? How can we get this brain of yours to shush so you can get some water in you?"

Jay just shrugged and said "tomorrow" which seemed to be final.

"Ok then, how about bed then we can figure this out in the morning? Sound good?" Will said, pulling away to look at both Jay and Mouse, hoping for an answer from the both of them. When he received identical looks of wide shiny eyes and a small nod, with a small yawn from Mouse which Jay almost cooed at, Will stood up, grabbing a hold of both of Mouse's hands to pull him up before they both turned to Jay, grabbing a hand each and pulling till he was upright between them and they headed off to the bedroom.

The three glasses in the living room were forgotten.

'Tomorrow. Bring on tomorrow…'