A/N: I passed my last med school test! Wanna leave me some comments about your thoughts on this chapter as a congrats (;


Chapter #33:

Dear Diary, It's Me Again


"When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it." -unknown


Day #06:

The theme song of The Office bounced around the walls of the very small, but very cozy, apartment I was currently squatting in. It was studio style with worn wooden floors and freshly painted walls. The kitchen was nestled in the corner beside a small dining room table that had mismatching chairs. In the corner across from the kitchen the room dipped out to house a double sized bed. The door to the bathroom was beside that.

Right now, I was sitting on an old, off white couch in the middle of the room across from a TV that had been playing The Office non-stop for the past six days. The only times I had moved from this spot were to get up and go to the bathroom. The fact that this is where I slept every night made not having to go anywhere very easy.

"You literally haven't moved an inch since I left."

I glanced over to the door to see Alex stepping in. They had on an oversized white tank top hanging off their torso with a black sports bra showing from underneath and a pair of bright red shorts. Their short blonde hair was slicked back, and they didn't remove their sunglasses to address me.

"That's not true." I shook my head and pointed to the kitchen, "I got up twenty minutes ago to get chips."

Alex shook their head and walked over to the kitchen. I let my eyes drift back to the TV lazily and pulled the hood of the jacket I wore over my head before falling over to lay on my right side. The jarring motion made my shoulder ache, but just barely. My mind zoned out as I watched the colorful lights flicker in front of me. To be honest, I couldn't even tell you what episode was playing right now.

A second later, I felt weight drop down on the couch by my hips. Alex had taken a shower and changed out of their clothes into a baggy beige sweater. I blinked at them in surprise. Hadn't they just gotten back? Was the shower really that quick or was I just losing time again?

"Where is your sling? You're supposed to still have it on." Alex pressed. I curled up tighter into the couch and mumbled my response. They sighed in response, "If you won't wear your sling can you at least consider coming out into the sunlight again? You're looking pasty as hell."

I nodded, "Thanks, Alex. You always know the right thing to say."

Alex rolled their eyes and reached forward to pick up an empty carton of ice cream before tossing it aside again, "Well, someone has to say it."

I forced myself to sit up and buried my face into the hoodie's neckline, "Look, I know you're not used to seeing me like this, and I really appreciate you letting me stay at your place." I sighed. "I just…I think I'm in the middle of some kind of depressive episode or something. I've never had to deal with this before—"

Alex let out a loud laugh that I narrowed my eyes at. When they finally began to calm, swiping away at a tear from their eye, they looked back at me, "Oh, wait, are you serious?"

"I'm spiraling, Alex, maybe show a little more concern?"

"You think you've never had a depressive episode before?" Alex scoffed. "Really? Seriously?" I threw my hands up in defeat and ignored the ache that burned in my shoulder. Alex continued, "Idiot, back before you met the Avengers you were having a depressive episode every other week!"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and for a quick moment the only sound in the room came from the TV. Slowly, I shook my head, "No… I think I'd remember that…"

Alex leaned back onto the couch so they could rest their arm on the back of it, "Oh, I'm sure you do. Your episodes just looked a little different back then." I shot them a look and they shrugged. "Before, your episodes consisted of drinking until you were white girl wasted, being a dick to anyone who tried to talk you down, and then going to the ring to beat the shit outta any poor fool dumb enough to challenge you."

"That's…not…accurate." I mumbled in self-denial. I had never labeled those moments as depressive episodes, but that definitely sounded like a typical day in the life of Aj Bradshaw. It was interesting to me because I liked to think I had changed, but this was actual hard evidence of it. Did I want to go throw myself into a fight or drink until I was blind? Oh, fuck yes. It took every ounce of my being not to run to the nearest ring and get lost in blood.

"Right now? This moment?" Alex's voice grew softer, "This stands out because it's the first healthy depressive episode you've ever had." As much as I wanted to throw myself into fighting, I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to lose all the progress I had made. Even though I hadn't seen or talked to any Avenger since I left… I still didn't want to disappoint them. Maybe that was dumb of me. Alex scoffed to themself and picked up another empty carton of ice cream, "Although, I don't know if I can actually call this episode healthy. How can someone as small as you eat so much? There's like four cartons of ice cream here, two bags of chips, and—and are those my leftovers from last night, you ass?"

I gave them a sheepish smile, "What's wrong with having a little comfort food?"

"This is hardly a little." Alex tossed the trash aside. "You have a wooden leg or something?"

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "Wooden?"

"Yeah, you know, the saying about people who eat a ton."

"That's 'hollow leg', dumbass."

Alex scoffed, "Why would it be hollow leg?"

"Why would it be wooden?" I argued back.

Alex shot me look of indifference before pushing up off the couch to go to the kitchen. They called out asking if I wanted some coffee and I said no before shoving a few more chips into my mouth. When they came back with a steaming mug, they motioned to the TV with their hand.

"Can we watch something else? Anything else?" Alex pleaded. "I'm behind on the—the—the, uh, one show."

I knew they had planned on saying The Walking Dead but stopped themselves because they knew it would make me sad. Alex gave me a nervous look, but I just smiled and offered them the remote. I was behind on episodes of my favorite zombie show too but watching it without a very specific blond beside me felt wrong. That was Steve's and my thing. Though I didn't know if I deserved to say anything was our thing anymore. I had lost that right.

"Sorry." Alex mumbled. They gave me a sheepish smile. "We can find a movie to watch or something."

"You don't have to be sorry." I chuckled. "Or tiptoe around me like I'm made of glass."

"I'm just trying to protect the remaining ice cream I have in my freezer." Alex smirked. I chuckled and stood up, dusting off chip crumbs from my lap, then moved to grab my bookbag leaning up against the wall. "About that time again?"

I glanced over at Alex, "Everyone needs routine in their life."

"Yeah, yeah, just don't fall off the fire escape with your gimp arm." Alex replied.

I rooted through the bag, grabbing what I was looking for, then moved toward the window so I could sit on the fire escape. Alex lived on the fourth floor of the apartment building where the bar sat in the basement. As I dropped down onto the metal stair, I stared at the busted looking burner phone in my hand. The back of the phone had snapped so it wouldn't click close anymore, so I had to tape the battery to it. The screen itself was cracked, but it didn't hinder the function.

Like I had since I got back from Romania, I clicked on the familiar number and brought the burner phone to my ear. Just like always, the phone went straight to voicemail.

"Hey Buck, it's me again…"


Pepper walked down the steps to Tony's lab. It had taken a while to rebuild their Malibu home, but the design was kept similar to what it had been before it was destroyed. When she got into his lab, Pepper spotted him sitting at the benchtop tinkering with an Iron Man helmet.

"Tony." She called out and walked across the messy lab to get to him. He hadn't turned around at her voice or stopped working. Ever since he came to California six days ago with news about his parent's true demise, he had been distant. Pepper could barely get him to eat or sleep. Tony just hunkered down in his lab designing more and more suits. "Tony—"

"Not hungry, Pep."

Pepper didn't bother trying to argue with him. She just set her hand on the back of Tony's neck and lightly squeezed. Tony's fingers faltered and she felt his shoulders marginally relax. Taking advantage of the moment, she reached her other hand around to cup his face and turn him to face her. Tony dropped the tools in his hands to look up at her.

His eyes were rimmed red and the color seemed brighter thanks to the dark bags under them. Pepper's heart ached at his pain. Rhodey had been over earlier today, and he had done his best, but Tony still remained in his same state. Pepper was really hoping to convince Tony to shower, eat, and get some sleep.

"Tony, let's get some dinner."

"I have to finish this." He shook his head. "I have to…"

Pepper lightly rubbed her thumb against his cheekbone, "Tony. Please talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about." Tony replied. "My parents were murdered. Barnes did it. I—"

She gave him a small smile, "That's not what's bothering you right now." Tony pressed his lips together in a tight line. "You're still angry about what happened to your parents, I know. You deserve to be, but this isn't anger I'm seeing in you."

"Pepper."

"It's guilt." Pepper said softly. She shook her head, "What's wrong, Tony?"

He didn't reply for a moment. Tony just stared up at her in despair. Pepper hated seeing him so hurt. She hated that there was nothing she could do to take this pain from him. Tony was like Atlas. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and refused to pass the burden onto anyone else.

"Aj." Tony croaked. Pepper knew that Aj was the one to reveal the news to him. As painful as it had been, she was glad that the young woman had done so. This was something Tony deserved to know about his past. And yes, it hurt like hell now, but Pepper knew Tony was strong. He'd overcome this. She'd make sure of it. Still, Pepper wasn't sure how the exact conversation went down. "I hurt… God, I hurt her, Pepper."

Pepper furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I snapped. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean what I said, but…" Tony closed his eyes.

"I'm sure she knows that, Tony. You were upset—"

"I told her she couldn't understand anything I felt. I told her that her family chose to leave her." Tony barked out a cold, broken laugh and Pepper wilted. She knew Tony had a sharp tongue and knew he tended to lash out when he felt like he was backed into a corner. "You should've seen her face. She just—she just broke. I could see it in her eyes and watching her cry I just—"

Pepper pulled him forward so his face rested against her stomach. Tony relaxed in her hold and she lovingly dragged her fingers through his hair. He said something else, muffled by her abdomen, and Pepper shook her head lightly, "You know she's going to forgive you, right? You know she knows you didn't mean it?"

"You weren't there, Pep." He pulled his face back to look up at her, and she kept her hands on him so he couldn't stray far. "I destroyed her. The shit I said I—God, I'm no better than the other monsters in her life."

Pepper scoffed at his statement, "That's a bit excessive, Tony. It's entirely different."

"They hurt her. I hurt her." Tony snapped. "What's so different?"

"You love her, and she loves you." Pepper gave him a soft smile. "She knows that." He shook his head once and she raised an eyebrow at him. "If Aj, in her anger, snapped and said something awful to you… would you hold it against her?"

Tony sighed, ducking his head again, "No, of course not, but… the words can't be taken back. Even if she forgave me, that doesn't make her forget those words."

"Oh, Tony." Pepper said and leaned down to press her lips to his forehead. "You're always too hard on yourself. Aj loves you. She won't take it to heart. Not from you."

She lightly brushed her hands over his features to his chin and forced him to look back up at her. Tony looked devastated and Pepper wished she could wipe the emotion right off his face. Looking at him here, she couldn't understand how anyone could claim him as heartless or void of emotion or empathy. Tony felt things so deeply. Sure, he'd hide behind his humor and deflect often, but if a person just took a second longer to really look at him… they'd see the man she loved.

"I love you, Pep." Tony said softly while pushing up to stand.

Pepper pulled him into a hug. Tony held her tightly, like his last lifeline, and buried his face into her shoulder while she continued to rake her fingers through the hair at the back of his head. She turned her head to press a light kiss on the side of his head, "I love you too, Tony."


Day #17:

"Here." I dropped an uncapped beer bottle in front of the man sitting at the bar.

He grabbed it and gave me a skeptical look, "Alex is usually nicer to me when she gives me my beer."

"That's a goddamn lie and you know it. They—" I put emphasis on Alex's pronouns for the third time with this guy, "—like me, can't stand your ass. Drink your beer and shut the hell up, dick."

"My name is—"

"Do not care." I cut him off and moved down the bar to start cleaning used glasses. For the past week, I had been helping Alex out down in the bar as a thanks for letting me stay in their apartment. They only had a couple of employees they swapped out with and one of them was out with a bad case of the flu.

It was a nice gig. I was not a good bartender by any means, according to Alex I couldn't make a mixed drink to save my life, but luckily the patrons of this bar weren't here for quality. It was why I was also allowed to be a total ass to the more rude customers with no consequence.

Right now, the bar was pretty bare. Only a couple stragglers quietly drinking. The busy hours were from midnight to 3 in the morning so we'd probably stay quiet for another 4 hours. A few moments passed before Alex kicked open the front door and burst in with a greeting as loud as their leopard print jeans.

"Hey, what the hell is this shit?" Alex demanded as they leaned up against the bar toward me with their phone in hand.

I held out my hands in a shrug, a rag and glass in each one, "How am I supposed to know what you're asking about?"

"This—wait, did you get your break?" Alex pointed at me in question. I nodded in confirmation. My break had rolled around two hours ago, and I spent it sitting in the back alley making a call into a burner phone that never got answered. "Okay, good, now." Alex held their phone up to me. "What the hell is this shit?"

I took the phone from their hand to look at what they were freaking out about. It was a post on Instagram with thousands of comments. The post was on my account, therealAJB, and it was a picture of Steve. He was sitting on a couch facing the TV with his legs outstretched onto the coffee table. The person taking the picture had her legs resting in Steve's lap, his hand resting on her shin, and a pair of polka dot fuzzy socks on.

"Now correct me if I'm wrong, but last night you were sitting on my couch watching Cake Boss reruns not hanging out with Captain dickhead."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't call him that. Steve is a good guy, I was the dickhead." Alex raised their eyebrows at me in argument and I ignored it. "It was probably Beth."

"Who the hell is Beth?" Alex pressed.

"She's the PR specialist I hired." I shrugged and glanced down at the picture again. Steve had a small smile on his face, that didn't reach his eyes, but he looked good otherwise. The caption under the photo read, 'Movie night with captainsteverogers! Any suggestions, y'all?' I chuckled, "She even used the word 'y'all' like I would. That's impressive."

Alex shook their head with confusion in their eyes, "Yeah, super duper impressive. However, why is she pretending to be you? Do I need to fight someone? I have a baseball bat in my trunk."

"Thanks, but no thanks." I chuckled. "It's probably a lot easier for her to pretend to be me than to come out into the media and explain how the Avengers had to run me out of the Compound."

Alex scoffed, "Okay, I was there, you ran yourself out, you idiot." They motioned to the phone. "This is bullshit."

"It's just the media game. No hard feelings." I replied. My eyes drifted over Steve's face again in a weird mix of longing and guilt. I shrugged, "At least he looks happy."

Alex narrowed their eyes at me like I was a crazy person, "Are you dumb and blind? The guy looks miserable. Him looking so shitty is actually the only thing that gives me comfort." I rolled my eyes at their words and slapped the rag in my hand onto my shoulder so I could use both hands while typing on the phone.

"What are you doing?" Alex jumped up so they could lean on the bar and look over the top of their phone. "Did you just leave a mean comment on that picture using my account?"

"Maybe." I mumbled and set their phone down on the bar before going back to drying the clean, wet glasses.

"Oh, yeah. No hard feelings." Alex hopped onto the bar and swung around so they could jump behind it and land beside me. They grabbed their phone and stuffed it into their back pocket, "You're definitely handling this separation like a mature, mentally balanced adult."

I smirked at them with a slight shrug. We worked in silence for a few moments and I tried not to let the thought of Beth and Steve cuddled up watching Netflix get to me. I had no right to be jealous. Steve was welcome to hang out with whoever he wanted. Beth was a good kid and wouldn't hide a life altering secret about his best friend from him.

"I know!" Alex clapped their hands together. "We take a picture of us working the bar and post it on insta to see how many people freak out over it before this Beth bitch can pull it down."

I laughed and threw my rag at them, "Beth isn't a bitch, don't be mean, and I can't post anything to that account. I don't have access to it anymore."

"You don't what?"

"They changed my password."

Alex stared at me, blinking for a few seconds, before speaking, "Are you telling me the real AJB doesn't have access to the account therealAJB?" I gave her a sheepish smile and tilted my head. Alex shook their head. "I'm gonna fight every single Avenger, I swear to God. And I am so upset that you don't feel the same way!"

I raised an eyebrow at them, "Of course I'm not gonna fight the Avengers. Firstly, it's a suicide mission, and secondly, I still love all of them."

"Where is that famous Aj anger?" Alex demanded. "I've seen you throw hands with someone for just looking at you the wrong way. Why the hell aren't you angry at this?"

"Being that temperamental isn't something I should be proud of." I mumbled to myself. They were right though. This entire time, I kept waiting for anger to slip into my veins or show its face. That's where I always ended up. This time though, it didn't come. I was sad, like stupid sad, and disappointed in myself, which was hardly new, and I had this ache in my chest that begged for me to reach out to someone I loved, but…no anger. It was unusual. It kind of felt…wrong.

"I'll take care of the kegs." I said and went to work. Alex and I managed the bar for hours as more people began to trickle in. Now that the ring was disbanded, most of Alex's clientele were low life thugs, local drug dealers, and various people who just lived in the neighborhood. Most of them were just people trying to get through life. I understood that. As long as they didn't cause trouble in the bar, we didn't judge.

I was in the back looking for a box of beer bottles when Alex called me back to the front. Giving up my search for now, I pushed myself out of the crouch I was in and walked out expecting a crowd of people they needed help with. Instead, my eyes landed on the god of thunder smiling at me from a barstool.

"Thor?" I rubbed my eyes thinking this was some weird hallucination. Thor remained there though. The upper half of his long hair was pulled back in a small bun with various braids decorating it. He had on a dark red sweatshirt with a dark jean jacket over that.

Thor grinned at me, "Little warrior! How have you been?"

"Good? Why are you…?" I glanced at Alex and they shrugged.

"I wanted to speak with you. Can you spare me a moment?"

Alex nodded and I told him I'd meet him at a booth in the corner. As I hopped over the bar, Alex hissed at me to grab my attention. They held one hand up blocking the view toward Thor and used their other hand to hold up a makeshift shank they pulled out of the collections bin. They motioned to Thor with the sharp end while bobbing their head.

"No. No shanking Thor." I hissed and waved my hand at her. Alex tossed the shank aside with a pout and went back to serving someone. With a shake of my head, I reached over the bar to grab two beers before heading over to Thor. I set one down in front of him and he smiled, "So what's up, Thor?"

Thor took a quick sip, "I am returning to Asgard, but I didn't want to leave without saying good-bye."

"I'm so sorry." I breathed, disappointment in myself rising up again, "I left before seeing you after the Ultron mission and I—"

"No need for apologies, Aj. There is no animosity there." Thor gave me a warm smile. He lifted his bottle up to motion toward me, "However, you are missed at the Compound. Not seeing you around is…strange."

"I miss you too, Thor." I said honestly. Sitting in front of him now made the ache of missing all of them so much more real. Day to day I could pretend it was all some insane, crazy dream that I made up. Seeing Thor, the god of thunder, in front of me reminded me that it wasn't just some hallucination. They were real and I missed them.

"I am not the only one who misses you." Thor raised an eyebrow at me. I chuckled and awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck before taking a quick sip of my own beer. Thor cleared his throat, "Without you, Stark, or Banner—"

I interrupted him, "Where is Bruce? Did he leave to stay with Tony?"

Thor's eyes widened, "You don't know?" I shook my head, and he spoke without further prodding. "Banner never returned from the Ultron mission."

I felt my stomach turn to lead and drop to my feet. Bruce never came back? This entire time I had been here moping, and I hadn't even known that he was…was…?

"He is alive!" Thor blurted. "I can see how my previous phrase may have sounded wrong." I was minimally comforted. "The Hulk boarded a quinjet that Ultron had been in. The vessel was in stealth so we were unable to track it and Bruce refuses to answer any of our messages. We believe him to be in fine health. Physically."

After what happened in Johannesburg, I could understand Bruce's turmoil. I had no idea he had taken off to be alone like this though. Realistically, I knew there was nothing I could've done to stop this. He took off before they ever even came home, but still some part of me tried to pin this on myself.

"I didn't know." I said softly. After a moment, I shook my head, "You said…You're going back to Asgard? Tonight?"

"Yes. To begin with at least." Thor answered with ease. "The mission in Sokovia opened my eyes to a new threat. These items. These…infinity stones can be wielded to do dangerous things. I plan to seek them out and prevent their abuse."

I narrowed my eyes, "Infinity stones?"

Thor nodded, "There is still much I do not know, but I hope that my friend Heimdall in Asgard and my father may have more insight."

"Well, maybe you can pick me up a souvenir from space, huh?"

Thor chuckled at my poor attempt at a joke which I appreciated. Suddenly, he reached out to set his open hand on the table in front of me. I hesitated only for a second before placing my own in his. Thor squeezed my hand reassuringly, and the small touch truly did settle my nerves. I missed this. "Aj, I will admit I am here for more than just farewells."

"Oh, yeah?" I questioned nervously. I had an idea where this was going to go.

"You may take as much time as you need. In fact, I think it wise to do so." Thor said firmly. "However, I want to let you know that whenever you feel comfortable to do so, you should come home. There is no one who does not want that." He squeezed my hand once more and gave me a sympathetic smile, "Steve included."

I stiffened at the name and couldn't help but glance away. It took a moment before I could speak again, "Thor, I messed up. I hurt him. Badly."

"We all make mistakes. Steve is upset over what he learned of his brother." Thor said and I found it interesting that the god referred to Bucky as brother rather than friend. He nodded, "But he is also upset over what occurred between the two of you. He misses you, Aj."

"Thank you, Thor." I mumbled then shrugged and pulled my hand out from his, "But I fucked up really bad. I don't get to just walk away with a slap on the wrist for that."

Thor furrowed his brow, "Is that what this is? A self-imposed punishment?"

I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms, "Someone has to punish me. I deserve it."

"Yes, but for the same reason we don't allow Stark to choose his punishment, we don't want you in charge of what you think you deserve." Thor argued. "Both of you are much too hard on yourselves."

His words rolled around in my head, but I forced myself to smile, "I, uh, I should get back to work. Alex is probably missing my help."

"Of course." Thor chugged the rest of his beer then stood. I followed suit and when he opened his arms with a wide smile, I didn't hesitate to fall into them for a hug. It was a little pathetic how nice this felt. If Thor noticed me holding onto him for a bit too long or a bit too tight, he didn't mention it. He just held me back until I finally let go. "I don't know when I will be back, but I hope to visit you in the Compound, little warrior."

I grinned at him and nodded, "I'm gonna miss you, big warrior. You're my favorite Asgardian."

"The competition is not stiff, but I will wield the honor with pride." Thor nodded. He cupped the side of my neck and leaned forward to press a kiss to the top of my head. "Be safe, Aj."

"You too, Thor." I replied. He gave me one more smile before walking out. I grabbed our bottles and walked back to the bar. Alex caught my gaze and raised their eyebrows in a familiar unspoken question. I gave them a reassuring smile and nod, then went back to filling orders behind the bar. I missed my family, that was more true than ever, but my punishment was far from over.


Steve readjusted his suit jacket while squirming in his seat. He tried not to let his distaste show on his face, not in front of the crowd of press around them, but it was getting harder and harder. This was their first official interview since Sokovia. Beth had set it up for them, and as much Steve didn't want to do this he knew it was important. Right now, him, Tony, Clint, and Natasha sat in plush recliners on a stage answering a string of questions about the mission in Sokovia. Thor had left from the Compound to go to Asgard, and they had left the twins at home with Sam. Pushing Wanda and Pietro in front of the press asking about their home seemed like a bad idea.

Natasha finished answering a question, and the next reporter stepped up to ask their own. The portly man spoke into the microphone, "What do the Avengers have to say on the topic of hiring a known criminal to be—"

"Known criminal?" Tony said loudly before the man could even finish his question. Steve stiffened in his seat while Clint and Natasha warily looked to Tony. He let out a sarcastic chuckle, "Aj Bradshaw is a victim of a jackass, piece of shit, piss poor excuse of a man named Eugene Morgan whose been running around Jersey fucking people over—not that you vultures or even the police have focused much on that." Tony shook his head and leaned forward in his seat. "We hired an intelligent woman who graduated from Colombia University with honors and then was accepted into their elite medical program. She learned how to manage the day to day operations of Fortune 500 company in one weekend alone, not to mention learned how to manage an asshole like me."

The reporter blinked, "I—"

"Sit down." Tony scrunched his nose once and motioned for the next reporter, "You're done."

The Q&A continued, and no other reporter even tried to touch on the topic of Aj. Tony had done a good job of squashing those with his rant. They shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Beth was good at PR, but she didn't think of little things like that. Aj would've made a list of questions not to be asked and would've enforced it with an iron fist.

Steve forced himself to stop thinking on that line of thought. He was still pissed about the Bucky topic. It hurt to know that there had been an open window, a chance to get him back, only for it to slam before he even realized it. Steve was hurt. The odd part of his pain though was that there was only one person he wanted to talk to about his pain, and it was the person who caused it. Steve felt betrayed, he couldn't believe Aj would keep something like this from him, but at the same time he also felt upset about the way he reacted. He had seen the look in Aj's eyes when he went on his rampage, and in the moment it hadn't even bothered him. Looking back though? God, it was gutting.

The panel finally came to a close, and the moment the cameras shut off Steve pushed himself out of the chair to go to Tony who was already off the stage and heading to the door. He picked up his pace, "Tony." The man ignored him entirely and Steve had to force himself into Tony's path to get his attention. "Tony."

"What?" He snapped.

Steve gave him a concerned look, "I wanted to check on you. See if you're okay."

Tony let out a cold laugh while loosening his navy and red tie, "See if I'm okay? Thanks, Cap. I'll make a note of your concern. Tuck it away for a cold, rainy day."

"Tony", Steve said slowly. "We're all worried about you. Do you plan on coming back to the Compound soon?"

"No. I don't." Tony replied. "And I don't give a damn about your worry, Rogers."

Without another word, Tony pushed out of the building into the cool night. Steve crossed his arms and let out a tired sigh. Nothing had felt right since Sokovia. It was nice to have Wanda and Pietro join the mismatched family. It was even nice to have Sam living at the Compound, and nice that Thor stuck around for a little longer. Still, it wasn't right. The Compound didn't feel like home. Tony wasn't blasting his music in his lab or passing out in various spots at all times of the day. Bruce wasn't there to offer a listening ear, the smell of his tea absent in the new space they lived in. And Aj… Steve rubbed the back of his neck and pushed his thoughts away again.

"Steve!"

He looked up in time to see Beth make her way toward him at a casual pace. The girl lacked her usual bounce, her gait had changed to something more confident and firm, but Steve tucked that fact away as one of the weird things he noticed about people while being on edge. He offered her a small smile, "Hey Beth."

"Great job tonight." Beth chirped. Her dark hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and she wore a white button down shirt and navy skirt. "You killed it."

Steve chuckled, "Appreciate it. You did a good job setting all this up. Thanks again. We need the good press now more than ever."

"You guys are so great you make the job easy." Beth shrugged. "I may have to do a little work with Mr. Stark's…outburst, but I'm sure that will be fine too. What are you doing tonight?"

Steve's eyes widened, he slipped his hands into his slacks' pockets, "Oh, uh, nothing. No big plans."

"Captain America has no plans for this lovely Saturday night?" Beth joked.

"That's usually how my Saturday nights go." He nodded once and began to walk toward the back exit. She followed him, "What about you?"

Beth smiled, "Me neither. I guess I shouldn't be teasing you so much about your lack of plans." He chuckled and she cleared his throat. "I was actually wondering if you wanted to do a… movie night?"

Steve slowed in confusion, "We took the picture yesterday. Was it not good enough?"

"No, no!" Beth waved her hands. "It was perfect, and the picture was a huge hit! I just know you like Netflix nights and since neither of us have anything to do…? I know you're a fan of The Walking Dead. I haven't seen many episodes, but I've been meaning to get into it."

It dawned on Steve what she meant, and he felt a sudden rush of awkwardness. Was she asking as just a friend, or did she mean as a date? Beth had been really friendly toward him as of late. Natasha said she was flirting but Steve was never a good judge of that. He crossed his arms nervously.

"Uh, thank you for the invitation." Steve glanced at his feet once. "I appreciate it, but I think I'm gonna head to bed early. Today was kind of…busy."

Beth frowned, "Oh. I understand. Maybe next time, huh?"

"Yeah, next time." Steve replied quickly in hopes to placate her. Beth was a good kid and a great PR specialist. They couldn't afford to lose anyone else at the moment. She gave him another tight smile, reached out to squeeze his arm, and then walked away after saying she'd see him later.

Steve remained stuck where he was for a second. He was still angry, but he missed Aj like hell. He wasn't sure how to deal with the two clashing emotions. A part of the reason why he couldn't go out and talk to Aj was because he knew that the moment his eyes met hers the anger would fade. Steve wasn't ready to let go of the anger yet, no matter how much he missed her.


Day #27:

I glanced over my shoulder, offering the person behind me a cheerful smile, but Alex just stuck their tongue out at me in response. I rolled my eyes despite them being hidden by my sunglasses, "Very mature. Keep it up and I won't take you to brunch with me. I'll leave you at the front door with coat check."

"We are going to meet the woman of my dreams and you didn't even let me go home and change." Alex complained. They jogged to catch up with me and motioned to their t-shirt tucked into their jeans. "How am I supposed to woo the Black Widow in this?"

"There will be no wooing." I chuckled. "Besides, you look fine. Though your hair is kind of a mess…"

Alex quickly tried to calm their dyed blonde locks in a frenzied panic while I snickered to myself. The two of us had been out and about in Manhattan, Alex was the one to drag me all the way back out here, and while we wandered around in the nice, springtime weather Natasha had texted me. She asked if I wanted to meet her for brunch and a part of me wondered if she had known I was already in Manhattan. I wouldn't put it past her.

The brunch place she chose, funnily enough, was the one Clint had first taken me to when we met. The hostess gave both of our outfits a skeptical look and it gave me déjà vu. After taking a solid moment to mentally judge us, she led us out onto the deck where a red head was already sitting and sipping on a mimosa. Natasha's short hair was curled at the ends and she wore a white, fit tank top with a tan trench coat over it.

"It should be illegal to look so casually gorgeous." Alex mumbled to me. I could hardly disagree with them. Natasha rose when she spotted us, and I stepped forward to hug her. She squeezed me equally as tight.

When I pulled away, I motioned to Alex, "This is Alex. They're in love with you."

"Oh my God, you idiot." Alex hissed from behind me. Natasha chuckled and offered her hand to them. In a daze, they took her hand and shook it for a weird amount of time. I finally nudged Alex in the ribs to get them to let go of the spy's hand.

Natasha motioned to the table, "Have a seat."

I sat beside Natasha while Alex took the seat across from her. After the waiter came by to deliver our mimosas, I turned to the red head, "How've you been, Nat?"

"I'm fine. The Compound is hectic, breaking the new trainees is fun." She shrugged then motioned to me. "When do you plan on moving back in?"

I readjusted my hat with a nod, "Right to the point. Nice." Natasha raised an eyebrow at me, and I sighed in response. "I don't know what to tell you, Nat. Rooming with Alex has been fun. We're bonding."

We both looked over at Alex who was nose deep in the menu gasping at various dishes and not even paying us any mind. I twisted my lips and looked back to Natasha who smirked at me, "You had to have known that the brunch was just an excuse to get you to come back."

"Oh, of course, but I thought we'd at least get to the brunch part first." I replied. The waiter came back and the three of us put in our orders.

When he walked away, Natasha folded her arms on the table, "What do you want in return? Apologies? I can make Tony and Steve say their sorry. Granted, I don't know what Tony is apologizing for, he told us about his parents but not why he's upset about you, but Steve—"

"Jesus, no!" I said quickly. "Nobody owes me an apology."

Alex let out a loud, fake laugh, "Incorrect! Captain Shithead and Iron Bastard owe my idiot some begging and pleading. If they aren't on their knees, then she ain't accepting it."

I shot Alex a glare, "Why did I bring you?"

"Because you love me?" Alex scoffed and picked up their mimosa glass. Sharing an apartment had only brought Alex and I closer, and I had to admit that I was crazy thankful for them. I didn't agree with their assessment of the situation, but their loyalty was heartwarming.

Natasha grabbed my attention, "Your friend is right. All three of you need to sit down and have an adult conversation. Which I know is difficult because not a single one of you is actually an adult, but you can't keep refusing to see them."

"It's not that I'm refusing to see them." I sighed and leaned back in my seat. While they waited for me to speak, I kept my eyes on central park. I missed Tony so much. I missed goofing off with him in the lab, arguing with him, getting pulled into an affectionate side hugs anytime I drifted too close to him. And, I missed Steve. God, I missed Steve. Watching anything on the TV didn't feel right without being able to curl into his side. I missed watching him while he focused on whatever sketch he had in front of him. Hell, there wasn't a thing I didn't miss. I forced my eyes back to Natasha, "I don't deserve to be forgiven yet, Nat."

Her eyes narrowed at my statement, "You don't get to decide that. You'll never think you deserve it."

"This isn't like I stole the last donut from the kitchen or beat them at a board game." I scoffed. "Nat, I—"

"You kept a secret from Steve. A big one, I know. And yes, it is in his right to be hurt and angry, but you're not allowed to crucify yourself over it." Natasha said firmly. She continued, "And with Tony, you gave him the gift of the truth. You shouldn't be punishing yourself over that at all."

I groaned, "Can we just maybe agree to disagree?"

"No, you're wrong, but I will shelf the conversation for now and switch over to catching up and mindless small talk." Natasha smirked. Alex immediately began to dive into the hundreds of questions they had for their celebrity crush and I just sat in silence listening to them. Like she had promised, Natasha kept the brunch conversation topics very light. In fact, anyone who walked up to listen to us wouldn't have any idea that Natasha was trying to drag me back to a Compound of superheroes by my hair or that I was involved in drama consisting of two of the most well-known people on planet Earth. They would, however, be able to see that Alex was head over heels in love.

"We'll have to do this again soon." Natasha said to Alex who was about two seconds away from melting into a puddle at the red head's feet. "I ordered some to-go drinks for you and Aj to take with you. Can you go pick them up for me?"

"Absolutely." Alex said firmly and turned to leave. Natasha could've asked them to commit a homicide in broad daylight and they would've replied the same.

I turned to Natasha who raised an eyebrow at me. We stayed by the exit while Alex hurried to the bar away from us. I nodded once, "So you got me alone. Now what?"

"Aj, you can't keep this up forever."

"Not for forever. Just until…" I said slowly, but I didn't know how to finish that sentence. I didn't know the answer. Forever wasn't my plan, yet I couldn't think of an actual date to give her. Until Tony came to me first? That way I knew for sure he was ready to talk. When Steve didn't feel so betrayed or hurt? Maybe that one was forever.

Natasha shook her head, "Is there anything I can say right now that will convince you to come with me?"

"No. Not yet." I replied with a small shrug. She sighed and stepped forward to pull me into a hug. I wish I had a clear answer for her, but I still didn't even have a clear answer for myself.


Pietro lounged on the communal couch watching the television in front of him. This was the life. There were plenty of things that he could still complain about, but for now he was content. He had access to a steady food source, a soft bed, a hot shower, and most of all his sister was safe. More than safe. His sister was happy.

He glanced to the side and watched as Wanda drifted out of her room to walk to the kitchen while humming under her breath. There was color in her cheeks, the bags under her eyes long forgotten, and Pietro could see the weight she put on. Her face was fuller, healthier, and he was sure that if she lifted her shirt he wouldn't be able to see her ribcage anymore. Wanda wore comfortable house clothes to lounge about in with fuzzy slippers on her feet.

"I'm making lunch do you want anything?" Wanda called out to him.

"I'm fine." He replied with a small smile.

For a moment, he turned in his seat just to watch his twin casually work in the kitchen. It had taken Wanda a little longer to adjust here, but she was settled now. Wanda had decorated her bedroom, begun training with some of the Avengers like he had, and was even making friends. Granted, the friend she was closest to at the moment was the floating microwave

"What did I tell you about calling Vis a kitchen appliance?" Wanda's eyes snapped up from her work.

Pietro jumped up and in less than half a second he was standing by his sister, "What did I tell you about reading my thoughts?"

"You were being loud and sappy. I liked it." She shrugged. "And you're right."

"I'm always right." Pietro smirked and leaned on the counter beside her, "But what am I right about specifically this time?"

Wanda gave him a soft smile, it was one he hadn't seen on his sister's face in a very long time, "We might've found a home. I—I missed this. There's still time for me to be wrong, but—"

He shook his head, "Don't think like that."

Pietro understood her fear. To trust this place, to put down roots, put them at risk of really being hurt. If they gave in only to have this all taken from him it would be devastating. Pietro had a good feeling about this place though. Wanda may have been the one with powers that looked into minds and hearts, but Pietro had a good gut instinct.

His gut said this was real.

"Morning, Maximoffs!" They glanced over to see Sam step out of the elevator. He was the one who had been training them anytime Clint, Natasha, or Steve were busy. Pietro liked Sam. The man was easy to talk to and was good at setting their minds at ease. Wanda said he had a good heart. "You ready for some hand to hand combat?"

"I thought we had today off, bird man?" Pietro replied.

"That's Clint's nickname."

Pietro shook his head, "No, no. He's old man."

Sam paused for a minute than nodded, "You know what? I'm cool with that." He clapped his hands and came closer, "And as for training? It was your day off, but sometimes life gives you a curveball."

"I can dodge bullets, I think I can dodge this curveball."

Wanda chuckled, "Are we allowed time to change?"

"I will allow it." Sam nodded. "Especially since we gotta wait for Nat to come back from brunch anyways."

"Her alone?" Wanda asked curiously.

"Nah, she went to meet up with a friend of ours. Her name is Aj. You guys will probably meet her soon enough. I hope." Sam mumbled the last bit.

Wanda and Pietro shared a look before heading to their rooms to change. He ducked into the door before his sister's room and began to peel off his shirt. He knew plenty about this Aj. Wanda could see the topic of this woman weighing heavy on the hearts and minds of every Avenger. They were still unclear of the entire story, but from what Wanda picked up on there had been a fight and she had left.

Pietro shrugged on a tank top and changed into a pair of joggers. He hoped this Aj woman came to the Compound soon. For one, he was eager to meet a new face, but more than that he wanted this cloud of depression to be lifted. The pain of missing her was loud enough to give Wanda a headache if she didn't focus enough on something else. They would really be able to settle in and make this their home once Wanda could put down that last wall.


Day #34:

34 days. It had taken 34 days for Clint to show up at Alex's door. Technically only 33 because he was here at 10 in the morning, but it was still impressive. I set a coffee mug in front of Clint, who was sitting at the dining room table, then sat down across from him with a cup of my own.

"Missed you, trash man." I smiled at him.

Clint smirked, "And I missed your mocking. Kind of."

I took a quick sip before speaking, "I'm surprised it took you this long to come talk to me. I expected you in the first week."

"I planned on giving you just a week, but Natasha threatened to disembowel me if I didn't leave you alone. Something about you coming to terms with this yourself and me being an aggravating asshole." Clint shrugged and I chuckled. Natasha was rarely wrong. He nodded to me, "How have you been?"

"Working the bar. Keeping busy."

"You done punishing yourself?"

"Right to the point…" I sighed.

He quickly threw his hands up to stop my words in my tracks. Clint cleared his throat, situated himself in his chair, and then folded his hands together in front of him. I raised an eyebrow at him, but he just lifted his chin up at me. It looked like I was about to be interviewed except I was in a pair of sweatpants rather than fancy clothes, and Clint had his usual number of band-aids on his face.

"I am going to lecture to you right now." Clint started.

"Thanks for the warning? Anything I can do to skip this part of the conversation?"

"I've figured it out, Aj. Here's the game plan. I can't talk to you about Steve." Clint said firmly and my eyes widened in surprise. He continued, "That's a mess that even my skills can't handle and going down that path is just gonna make you clam up. Tony on the other hand…" I pressed my lips together, and Clint just stared at me for a second. "Aj, Tony is hurting."

"Clint, I know that—"

"Not for the reasons you're thinking." Clint interrupted. "He's still upset about his parents obviously, but the guy is spiraling because he's guilty about hurting you." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "He won't tell any of us what he said to you that he thinks is so damning—which, maybe that's a good thing because it'd probably piss me off." He mumbled the lats bit to himself before continuing. "— but the guy is a wreck. Pepper says he barely eats, barely sleeps, and when I say that I mean less than his usual shitty levels of sleeping and eating."

I frowned at this news. Tony shouldn't be beating himself up about anything. I was sure it was because of what he said about my family, about people leaving me, but weeks ago I had decided he didn't mean it. As much as my self-hatred wanted to take it to heart, my logical brain couldn't ignore the mountains of evidence against it. Every good memory, every laugh, every touch, every moment of shared pain and comfort was proof that Tony cared about me. Just like I cared about him.

"I don't want him to feel guilty." I said softly.

"Which is why you need to go talk to him." Clint said firmly. "For both your sake's. You and Tony are the same damn person. Stubborn, temperamental, soft hearted." Clint scoffed. "If I hadn't seen your birth certificate myself—"

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "Wait, why were you looking at my birth certificate?"

"—then I would've assumed you were a long, lost Stark." He finished, ignoring my question. Clint leaned forward on the table, "Look, Aj, I may have been the one who brought you into the Tower, and be aware that I will never let anyone forget that fact, but… Tony and you just click. You get him and he gets you on some weird molecular level and that's why I know, that you know, you need to talk to him. At this point, the only person Tony is going to listen to is you, and the only person you're going to listen to is him. Both of you are just being stubborn and waiting for the other to blink. It's like the staring contest from hell."

I hummed in thought. There were tons of moments where I wanted to call Tony up and apologize to him again about being the one to break the news to him and break his heart. Every single time I thought about it though, my brain told me that I needed to wait for him to approach me. I didn't want to rush him. According to Clint though, maybe Tony was doing the exact same thing towards me. At this rate, we'd spend the rest of eternity waiting for the other to reach their hand out first.

As for Steve? I wasn't equipped to handle that one right now either.

"Tony is at the Compound today." Clint spoke up. "Working on some equipment or something. You should go talk to him."

"What makes you so sure about this, Clint?" I asked quietly. If I went to the Compound, only for the worst case scenario to happen, to see that same look of anger in his eyes, I don't think I could survive that.

Clint chuckled, "Tony hasn't been at the Compound with us. He'll swing by every few days though to work in the lab, and… set up your apartment. Everyone else is settled in, and Tony has taken it upon himself to furnish your place and make sure it's perfect. It's kind of become an Aj shrine. Honestly, it's a little creepy."

"Yeah, okay." I said with a nod.

In response, he beamed at me, "Yeah?"

Clint jumped up and I watched as he chugged his entire mug of coffee in one go. My eyes went from impressed to concerned. He waved me off, "It's been a long month and I have a mission in like 45 minutes so…"

"A mission?" I asked in worry. Clint waved me off and motioned for me to put real clothes on. Quickly, I traded the pajamas for distressed jean shorts, ones that were only distressed because they were old as shit not because I was fashionable, and a black tank top. As I ran a hand through my messy hair, Clint threw my leather jacket at me hitting me right in the face, "Oof."

Clint snapped his fingers, "Come on, come on, come on."

"Within twenty minutes you have made me regret missing you this month." I told him and the archer just gave me a wide, smug grin. Clint walked over to the coffee table and began to shove things into my small, light blue purse.

He tossed in my wallet, phone, and then picked up the burner phone to show me. I stiffened at the sight of him holding it, "Is this your Bucky hotline?"

"It doesn't work." I mumbled and took it from his hand in embarrassment. Quickly, I shoved it into the purse so it was out of sight and wrapped my purse around my shoulders.

"Then why do you keep it?" Clint questioned while he pushed me out the door. I didn't answer and he swapped to an easier question, "How's your shoulder doing?"

I shrugged and then held my arms out before waving them around. There was only a slight ache when I rotated my arm backwards. The bullet hole had healed up nicely and it was why I had sent Dr. Escu a shit ton of money from my bank account. Enough that my bank had called me up immediately afterwards to see if my identity had been stolen.

"So, what's the mission?" I asked when I crawled into his passenger seat. It felt odd to be in such a nice car again. Alex's vehicle was made up of more duct tape than metal.

Clint pulled onto the street and smirked, "Oh, Aj, don't you remember? If I tell you then I'll have to kill you."

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try." I snorted.

"Oh, I missed you, kid."


The Compound looked different. It was busy with life this time. The tarmac filled with quinjets and a couple helicopters while people milled about both in and out. The crowds were a collection of business clothes and SHIELD uniforms. Clint glanced over at me and nodded, "Yeah, you missed a good bit."

"Apparently." I mumbled. He pulled up to the curb, and I grinned when I saw Natasha walking towards the car. I jumped out to greet her. "Nat!"

"Glad to see you on campus, сестра." She replied and let me pull her into a tight hug. Natasha had on a tan leather jacket and jeans, but she had a mission go bag hanging off her shoulder. I pulled back and she raised an eyebrow at me, "Although, I'm a little upset that Clint managed to get you on campus, and I couldn't. It means I lost my bet to Sam."

I smirked, "Hey, it's nothing personal. Clint's just a lot more annoying than you."

"That's mean." Clint added as he walked around his car to join us. "You ready, Tash?"

She nodded and he took her bag from her before putting it into the trunk of his car. I narrowed my eyes at the action and then looked back to Natasha, "Are you guys leaving now?"

"We are."

"And you're driving?"

"Sorry, no spoilers, but I'll say hi to Daisy for you." She chirped with a wink while Clint made a strangled noise of disbelief from the trunk. We both ignored him with ease.

"Wait, wait, wait…" I mumbled as my eyes darted from one spy to the other then to the Compound behind Natasha, "Y'all aren't coming into the Compound with me?"

Clint wrapped his arm around my shoulder and shifted so his whole weight was leaning against me. I grunted and held him up shakily, "You're a big girl, Aj. Don't worry so much, you'll get wrinkle lines." He poked my forehead then smirked and motioned to me. "Also, you need to start working out again. This is pathetic."

I scoffed then stepped back and watched as Clint pathetically flailed once before hitting the ground with a grunt. Natasha shook her head while looking down on her boyfriend with nothing but love and amusement. Nervously, I tugged on the braided bracelets around my left wrist, "How long are you guys gonna be gone?"

"Sorry." Clint said while pushing himself up off the ground. "Unlike Tasha, I will reveal no more secrets. Plus, we gotta go now because if we're late again then Fury is gonna rip us a new one."

"You. Rip you a new one." Natasha corrected. She turned to me, "You're going to be fine, and I'm looking forward to family dinner when we get back in a week."

"These are trade secrets, Tash!"

Again, Clint's complaint was ignored. I chuckled, my nerves still not calm, and pulled her into another hug. This time a good-bye one. I was already nervous about seeing Tony again. Knowing that Clint and Natasha were going to be out on a potentially dangerous mission only made me worry more. Clint scooped me into a hug as soon as his girlfriend let me go.

"Let me know if Tony or Steve act like a dick." Clint called out as he backpedaled to the driver's side of the car. I laughed at his words and he winked at me, "I'll come back and beat the shit outta them."

"Gee, thanks, dad." I replied dryly. He climbed in with a chuckle of his own, and I stayed in my spot to watch them drive off. As the car disappeared out of sight, leaving me by the curb with no one I knew in sight, I realized that I had sort of been conned into this. Yes, I wanted to talk to Tony, but now I had no escape route whatsoever in case I backed out. This is what I get for trusting a couple of spies, I suppose.

I sighed and turned to start the long walk across campus to the recreational building. Right now, the game plan was talk to Tony and try to fix the mess between us. Apologize again for dropping such a bombshell on him and offer him anything he wanted as an olive branch.

When it came to Steve? Well, the plan with him was to avoid him like he was the devil himself. If I so much as made eye contact with Steve Rogers right now I'd die. Looking into his clear blue eyes was only going to remind me of my terrible sins.

There was a weird mix of people that I passed. Some greeted me with warm smiles and others looked me over skeptically. If Tony was here at the Compound that probably meant Happy was here as well. He was head of security which meant if I got arrested for trespassing in the next five minutes I'd have at least one friendly face to bail me out.

I walked through the large glass, automatic doors and into the main lobby. This was the first time I was seeing this space as it was supposed to be, and it was impressive as hell. The lobby's ceiling was high, being both the first and second floor, and it was filled with various workers. I knew the campus was the workspace of SHIELD agents, Stark Industries employees, and new employees hired to manage Avengers work. It was a conglomerate of big names.

If I wandered to the left I'd eventually run into the auditorium, if I went straight I'd wind up in the cafeteria, and to my right was a huge information desk with receptionists stationed behind it. Do I just go up to my apartment? Did I still have access? Should I call Tony's cellphone? Maybe I could just go to the information desk and specifically ask where Iron Man and Captain America were so I could find the first and hide from the second. Although, if I did that then the receptionists would probably call security on me since this was my first time in the building with the lights on. I don't think they'd recognize me.

I half jogged over and one of the receptionist's looked up and offered me a greeting, "Hi! How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Mr. Stark." I asked.

"May I ask the reason why? Do you have an appointment?"

"No, I don't." I replied with a sigh. "If you could just—just call him or maybe I should've just called him." The receptionist gave me a confused look and I didn't blame her. I was also confusing myself. This was a classic 'you're overthinking this, you dumbass' moment. While I was known for keeping my calm against people who wanted to beat my face into a bloody pulp, I was not known for being cool and collected in situations like this. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, and uh—"

"Aj?"

I whipped around in time to see Beth pause in her steps and point at me in surprise. She had a purse hanging from her arm and her cell phone in her hand. The young girl's hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she had on a sleeveless white sweater and a pair of light wash mom jeans. It wasn't the girl's usual bubbly style. Actually, the outfit reminded me a lot of something I had hanging in my own closet.

"Beth, hey." I thanked the still confused receptionist and then walked towards her with a relieved smile, "I'm so glad I ran into you."

"What are you…What are you doing here?" She asked skeptically while glancing around the room. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded and crossed my arms, "Yeah! It's great. I just…um, you look great! And you've been doing really good work on the PR front."

"Thanks." Beth gave me a kind smile. She glanced down at herself, "Nat took me shopping the other day. Picked out some outfits for me, you know?"

I did know, and if I hadn't just been outside hugging the red head I'd be a little jealous. Not that I should be. Not that sweet, little Beth deserved such a harsh emotion from me. I cleared my throat and moved onto the task at hand, "I was looking for Tony. Do you know where he might be?"

Beth hesitated, "I…I do. I was heading there now."

"Great!" I grinned. "Lemme guess, his lab? I probably should've just assumed that in the beginning."

"No, he's not, but…" Beth glanced around again before taking a step toward me. She was giving me a soft smile, but there was something off in her eyes. Pity? Regardless of the emotion, my gut told me there was a red flag I needed to be wary of. It didn't recognize what the red flag was, but something was wrong. "I don't think that's a good idea."

I blinked in shock at her words, "I'm…sorry?"

"It's just…" Beth sighed, "Things have still been kind of tense, and we're finally settling down again. I don't know if you seeing him is going to help anything."

"Clint brought me here. Nat ushered me in." I replied with a shake of my head. "They seem to think it's a good idea."

Beth shrugged, "They aren't the ones you betrayed."

The words felt a lot like a bucket of ice water had suddenly being poured over me. It didn't seem to match the mental image of Beth that I had created in my min. I opened my mouth to speak, but it's not like I had any words to argue with.

She wasn't wrong.

"I…I know, but I want—need to talk to Tony." I tried again.

"Does he want to talk to you?" Beth countered. A bubble of anger rose in my throat. The first sliver of my most common emotion showing it's face after a long 34 days. I clenched my jaw and bit back a snide remark. I don't know what had gotten into Beth, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. "How about I call him and see if he's okay with this first?"

I pulled my own phone out of my purse and held it up with a smirk, "How about I call and ask?"

Beth didn't let her steady gaze waver, but we both jumped in surprise when the phone in my hand started to loudly ring. I flipped it around to look at it and noticed the call was from Amber. I hadn't talked to her in a while so the random call was unusual.

"Don't… Don't move." I pointed at Beth as she raised her own phone to her ear. I stepped away and turned around, "Amber? What's—"

"Have you heard from my sister!?"

I shook my head in confusion, "Hammer— I mean, Angela? No, I haven't talked to her since last year. Right before I met you."

"Oh my God. Oh my God." Amber was hyperventilating across the line. She was saying more, but the words were impossible to understand between her gasping sobs.

"Hey, hey! Amber I need you to take a deep breath. What's going on?"

"Angela left me a voicemail early this morning. I missed the call because I was in a yoga class, I always go after I drop Mj off at school and I—I listened to the voicemail and she was—oh my God, Aj." Amber began to cry again, and I reassured her again so she could continue. "She was saying good-bye! She was talking about how she took your advice and made a mistake and now she was—she was in danger. It was a good-bye message, Aj. My sister was telling me good-bye as if she were dying! What is happening?!"

I sucked in a sharp breath and ran through scenarios. Followed my advice? I don't remember giving her any kind of advice. The last time I talked to her was when we sat in the drunk tank together. What had we talked about? My mind reached for a memory and I vaguely remember mentioning the fighting ring in DC... Oh, shit.

"Amber, listen to—Amber!" I called out on the phone. "Take a deep breath, okay? I think…I think I know where she is."

"Where? Do we call the police and send them there or—"

"Amber." I sighed and shook my head. This was my mess. The sisters were my friends. "Do not call the police. I am going to go get her."

"You are?"

"Yes. I'm gonna go get her and bring her back to you." I said firmly. "But I need you to stay calm. Don't call anyone about this. Give me…Give me 72 hours and if you don't hear from me after that then you can call the police."

Amber gasped, "If I don't hear from you? Aj, this sounds dangerous I don't know if—"

"I'm her best bet, Amber." I said softly. "I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

There was silence over the end before she sniffled and agreed to my plan. I promised I'd get back to her soon and hung up. Shit. Getting to DC was nearly a four hour drive, and I wouldn't be able to enter the ring right off the bat. I'd have to find some contacts and see what was happening before I could walk in and find Angela.

I turned back around to see Beth still on the phone. She spoke, "—okay. I will, sir."

She hung up the phone and we both took a few steps forward to face off again. Beth crossed her arms and shot me another fake, empathetic look, "I called Tony. He isn't ready yet, Aj. You shouldn't push this. Give it time."

I didn't believe a single word she said.

"I'm gonna walk away now which is gonna make you think that you won this argument, but I want to assure you that you did not." I said with a tight smile. "It's just pure coincidence that I have somewhere to be." Beth just smirked at me. I scoffed, "On another note, do you happen to know if Ubers come all the way out here?"


Steve crossed the training gym as quickly as he could, dodging Sam who was walking Pietro through some self-defensive moves, and toward the other side where Tony had shown his face only to try and leave again. The genius had been avoiding him for a month now, and he was tired of it.

"Tony!" He barked out. Tony, surprisingly, slowed his pace until he had come to a stop, but he didn't turn around to make eye contact with him. "We need to talk."

He chuckled dryly and spun on his heel. Tony motioned around them, "What part of me sneaking in quietly and keeping close to the wall and out of sight makes you think I wanna talk to you, Captain?"

If the angry temperament, sharp tone, and avoidance hadn't been clue enough, Steve knew Tony was pissed at him because the man only ever referred to him as Captain when he was really upset at him about something. Steve tried not to let that deter him, "I know you're upset, Tony. With the news you got—"

Tony let out a dry laugh and shook his head, "You do not want to talk to me about that. Not right now. Not when you're close enough for me to hit."

"Is this…Is this about Aj?" Steve asked. Admittedly, his own anger had cooled significantly. Talking to Sam about it had helped. Steve could see why Aj hadn't told him the truth. She was trying to protect Bucky. He could understand that, relate to that. Steve probably should've gone to see her, talk to her, days ago, but for some reason he still couldn't bring himself to leave the Compound. Everyone had pressed for him to do so, but every time he planned to go he always ended up stopping short of the campus exit.

Tony sucked in a sharp breath, and Steve prepared for the upcoming tirade, before he could get into it though, a soft voice cleared her throat beside them. They both looked over to see Beth standing there.

"Hey, Beth." Steve nodded in greeting.

"Hi, sorry to interrupt, Mr. Stark I wanted to talk to you about that upcoming conference?" Beth said.

Tony clenched his jaw, glaring at Steve for a moment longer, before turning to the girl, "Yeah, fine. I'll meet you in my lab. Hey—" He snapped his fingers and nodded toward her, "I got paged by the front desk. Someone was there for me. Janice mentioned whoever it was ended up talking to you?"

"Oh, don't worry. I took care of that. It was just a magazine reporter looking for a quote."

Tony nodded, and Steve cut in, "Tony, we still need to talk. Please."

"Didn't you hear? I'm busy."

"You're staying for a few more days, right?" Steve questioned, but Tony didn't bother answering. He sighed and added on, "We're running an overnight training mission soon. Taking Pietro and Wanda out into the field for some low stress ops. You're more than welcome to join."

Tony clenched his jaw once more before turning on his heel and leaving. Beth gave him a soft smile, set her hand on his arm, then hurried after the man. As Steve watched Tony disappear from sight he couldn't help but think that Aj would know exactly what to say or do in this situation.


People were taking a wide berth as they walked around him. He didn't blame them. Bucky knew how he looked right now. His outer appearance matched his inner shattered mind. The last month had been a whirlwind. He couldn't even count the days. Nights were filled with nightmares and days were filled with trying to get a grasp on who he was.

Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes.

He'd repeat the name over and over and over again, but it wouldn't click. Not like it used to. It was like the Soldier had took home in the forefront of his mind. Burrowed himself deep. Watching and waiting, but what for he didn't know. It scared him.

He finally made it to his small, rundown apartment and he took the time to lock the door and barricade it behind him. To be honest, he wasn't sure if he did that to keep people out or as a poor attempt to keep himself in.

He stumbled across the room to lean on the kitchen island counter. It was the only tabletop in the small room he called home. Bucky leaned against it, closed his eyes, and tried to find an anchor. He took in a slow breath, and when he looked up the Soldier was standing in front of him on the other side of the island. The Soldier wore the tactical gear he had thrown away long ago with his silver arm on full display. The blood red star mocking him. Bucky knew, he knew, that this wasn't real. He knew it wasn't real. He knew it wasn't real.

"You can't kill me." The Soldier said in Russian. He shook his head, refusing to reply back, and the hallucination spoke again, "Let me out. I will complete our mission. You won't be in control, you won't be in pain."

Bucky slammed his right hand onto the island counter and shook his head, mumbling under his breath, "No. No. Steve was our last mission. I won't let you hurt Steve. I won't hurt Steve."

"Give me control." The Soldier said. He blinked and suddenly the Soldier stood beside him, breathing down his neck. Bucky felt his own breath catch in his throat. Panic welling up as he felt his handle on reality slipping away. "I will complete our mission."

His metal arm began to move on its own accord. Fingers flexing against his will. Bucky gasped, "No!" He pushed back and slammed his left arm into the counter. It exploded in wooden shards and chunks of tile leaving a hole in it. "No, no, no, no."

Bucky stumbled back, falling to his ass, and buried his hands into his hair. His name was Bucky Barnes. He was Bucky Barnes. He was in control, not the Soldier. Bucky lifted his head up and his watery eyes took in the space around him. The Soldier was nowhere in sight. He let out a breath of relief that turned into a shaky sob as he fell backwards to stare at the ceiling above him.

He was in the dark. He was lost in the dark, and this time there was no light waiting for him. Bucky knew this was his fate, and he knew he deserved it, but that didn't lessen any of the agony that tore into his chest leaving him breathless.

Suddenly, Bucky pushed himself up. A thought hit him. It was intrusive, something that crawled out of the depths of his mind on its own. It was a sharp desire, a craving, a desperate need. One last sliver of hope. Bucky crawled across the floor looking for the loose floorboard.

"Pathetic." The Soldier spat out. Bucky lifted his gaze to see him standing, foreboding, above the loose panel of wood. His Russian was sharp and disgusted, "Weak."

Bucky leveled a glare, clenched his teeth, and growled, "Fuck you."

He threw the loose floorboard up and reached in to dig for an object he hadn't touched in… he didn't even know how long. Days blurred together. Time lost its meaning when you couldn't even keep track of who you were. The small burner phone looked comical in his large hand. This was selfish of him. He was Bucky Barnes and apparently Bucky Barnes was a selfish man.

When he flipped the phone open, he wasn't entirely sure what the plan was. He didn't deserve to call the woman he abandoned in an airport. Bucky had hurt her with his actions, and the fact that he was crawling back to her, desperate for comfort, was exactly what the Soldier said it was. It was pathetic.

Bucky was caught off guard when, after turning the phone on, he saw a message stating he had 34 missed calls, 34 voicemails. The Soldier was leaning over his shoulder now, hissing pleas of control, in his ear. Bucky clicked on the first voicemail and brought it to his opposite ear.

"Hi. I'm sorry for calling. I just didn't know—I didn't know what else to do." Hearing Aj's voice felt a lot like his head had finally broken the surface of a deep, dark ocean and allowed him one clarifying breath. "I'm at a friend's apartment right now. Made it home safe. Um, I know you said we shouldn't talk, but…"

When that voicemail ended, he clicked on the next.

Then the next, and the next, and the next.

"—broke a beer bottle over a guy's head today. That was kind of fun. I will say he was being a total dick and deserved it though so feel no pity for that assclown—"

"—do you ever notice something and for some odd reason it reminds you of a moment that you didn't even know was tied to it? Today, I walked by this flower shop and I thought of you. Which sounds weird and maybe a little creepy, but I swear it wasn't. It took me a while, but I remembered what it was. In that market? The woman selling jewelry had this really strong floral perfume—"

"—I haven't talked to Steve in a long time. About the same time I haven't spoken to you, actually. I miss him. I don't know how you've gone so long without seeing or talking to him. It's been two weeks and I'm dying—"

"—you'd like Alex. I told them about you. Only the good stuff, don't worry. They keep threatening to beat every Avenger with a baseball bat, but they like you. That's gotta be high praise, right? They want to meet you—"

"—had brunch with Nat. Alex drooled over her all through it, but it was nice to see her again. Sometimes, it's hard to realize how much you miss someone until the moment you see them again. Anyways, I think you and Nat would get along really well. Actually, let me clarify, I think the two of you would either be best friends, or you'd try to kill one another. I don't think there's a middle ground—"

"—talked to Granny earlier. She's still watching the kids which is weird, but it's not like I have Aubrey's number to call and ask what the fuck she's doing. Besides, I know like twelve people who would immediately tell me calling her is a bad idea so…I opted out of that—"

With every voicemail, Bucky felt lighter. He smiled. He laughed. Suddenly, he couldn't feel the Soldier standing over his shoulder. Bucky did feel the warm tears dripping down his cheeks though. If Aj could chase away his demons so quickly, he wondered if she could do it long enough to see Steve. Long enough to give his best friend a real good-bye and warn him of the incomplete mission stuck on a loop in the back of his head.

There was one more voicemail left, and Bucky was surprised to see that it was only a few hours old. All the calls usually came in around the same time, late in the evening for her, but this one would've been during the morning. He brought the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Buck. Me again. I'm sitting in an Uber right now. It's, uh, it's basically a cab. Anyways, I've been thinking… I think I know why I've been calling you every day and leaving a message I know you won't get. It's kind of like your notebooks. I just…keeping a record of things helps. It's helped me this past month at least, and it's been a rough month, hah. This…This voicemail is a little different though. This is…This is my life raft. I have to do something dangerous—" Bucky felt himself stiffen "—I need to go to a fighting ring. Save a friend. It's my fault she's even there, but… I'm terrified that I'm gonna like it too much. That I'm gonna get sucked back in." There was a pause and it sounded like she was crying. "I, uh, I'm hoping that by leaving this phone at Alex's place that it'll be my incentive to come home. It's pathetic that I cling to this damn thing the way I do, but… I gotta try something. I don't want to be who I used to be... I like to think I've changed, but I guess this will be the ultimate test, huh? Well, I'm almost back at Alex's place and the Uber driver is looking at me like I'm crazy—yeah, I see you peeking at me dude, I'm a woman having a mental breakdown cut me some slack… I guess this will either be my last voicemail, or I'll be back in a couple days. Bye."

Bucky was standing now. He trusted Aj's strength. She may not have believed in herself, but he did. Aj would be strong enough to walk into that ring and walk back out. Bucky had no doubt about that. The thought of her fighting was worrisome too, but he knew she was a force to be reckoned with. Bucky couldn't explain the dread and fear that sat in his gut like a heavy rock. He couldn't pin it to a specific action or word that Aj had said. It was just a vague feeling of terror. A dreadful instinct.

Something bad was going to happen.

Aj was in danger.

He just knew it.