*Chapter includes recreational drug use (marijuana).
Chapter Sixty-Three: Movie Night
(April 15th, 2018, Sunday Evening)
Natsu had messed up.
Really, really messed up, but for the life of him, he couldn't make himself fix it.
Fixing it meant accepting Lucy as a runner, completely, with no strings attached, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't leave her alone, even if she kept sending him glares as they walked back to Fairy Tail.
He was a good ten feet in front of her, looking out for danger ahead, but he could feel a burning sensation in the back of his head. She was pissed, and he knew whatever he said would only make things worse.
It seemed staying silent was his best option, his lips sealed as his eyes flitted back and forth, ready to strike if he saw a threat approaching.
The rest of the work day had been tense, even during lunch when people were supposed to rest a bit. Lucy had chosen to take her food in the house she was assigned, refusing to join the others.
Natsu didn't try to pretend he wasn't responsible, knowing he had consistently picked the wrong things to say and do for the past few days.
Hell, he had made plenty of mistakes over the years, but none felt as heavy as the mistakes he made with Lucy.
While picking apart a new house, Natsu had a lot of time to think and reflect. He thought about Lucy when he met her at that gas station, recalled how she was when she first arrived at Fairy Tail. He remembered when he stupidly held her down because he feared she was hurting herself, only to find out she had been sexually assaulted on top of getting physically and mentally tortured.
She had such a rough go at things, and she had seemed broken yet hopeful. He had encouraged her to come out of her shell and make new friends, venture around Fairy Tail and open up.
And then he left for Hargeon, and she had changed so drastically in just two months, he could hardly believe that was the same Lucy walking behind him, occasionally taunting the zombies with phrases like, "Want a taste of this?"
His nerves sizzled from her nonchalance off base, but he kept his mouth shut despite the aggravating things she shouted behind him, keeping the zombies more than interested in reaching her. He tasted blood when he bit his cheek too hard, but he refrained from talking to her at all costs.
He knew he was one, maybe two mistakes away from ruining everything. He couldn't lose her friendship, but protecting her seemed to make her mad.
Was there a way to compromise so they both felt better? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't about to ask.
The ringing increased as she called out to the zombies yet again, Natsu's eyes sharp as he looked around. His heart beat hard against his ribs, his muscles tense and breathing shaky, but he wasn't letting anything get past him.
There was too much at stake.
Natsu's ears perked up when he heard someone talking behind him, telling Lucy it was their turn. He slowed his pace, stepping far out of the way so the zombie chariot could follow the new leader while Lucy went to the trailers being pulled.
Throughout the day a few runners had guided the zombie chariot back and forth to Fairy Tail to empty the trailers, so there was one free left for runners to sit on for the ride back. It wasn't big enough for everyone, so some walked, Natsu choosing to shift into that crowd while Lucy sat, a spot reserved for her next to Lyon and Hibiki.
That had Natsu's eye twitching, but he once again remained silent.
The rest of the walk had Natsu drained, feet almost dragging when they arrived through Fairy Tail's base. The relief that flooded him when he saw Lucy enter the gates was immediately, the man breathing a sigh as they all headed to turn in their weapons before getting processed.
He lost Lucy during that, assuming she was either still in the locker rooms having Yukino inspect her, or she had already taken off somewhere on base. Knowing she wouldn't go to their room, Natsu headed to the office, needing to speak with Makarov.
After a horrid walk like that, he needed to push for them to use bicycles to get back and forth. There was no way they could all keep that up and still have the energy to go back day after day.
It was a good thing runners and clearers got two days off. They needed it.
When Natsu arrived in the office he was informed Makarov was in a meeting, so Natsu spoke to Mavis instead. It didn't take any convincing, the girl saying they would scour the surrounding neighborhoods for bicycles.
In the beginning, they had many cars and an abundance of gasoline. Bicycles got overlooked in favor of more essential supplies at the time. Now that they couldn't rely on vehicles, they needed to adapt to overcome the new challenges they faced.
Satisfied with his brief conversation, Natsu went to his room, part of him thinking he might find Lucy in there. His heart sank when he entered, the only living soul being Happy.
As upset as he was, he couldn't fight the small smile that surfaced when his cat started yowling, wanting attention.
"Come on buddy," he said, scooping up the cat to bring him outside. If only he could leave the window open so Happy could come and go as he pleased, but he didn't want to risk Happy's safety if another survivor viewed him as a threat.
Even after Happy took care of business, Natsu stayed outside for a while. He didn't bother bringing his pack of cigarettes outside, learning yesterday that they didn't relieve the frustration he felt. If anything, they aggravated him, wishing they could calm his nerves like they used to.
He tipped his head back as he leaned against a stair rail, breathing in the fresh air. "What do I do now?" he asked no one, wondering if there was even anything he could do.
He wasn't willing to change his stance on Lucy being a runner, and she wasn't pleased with how he behaved.
But, didn't she understand his concern?
She had seen people die, right? When Warcry came back from the dead he killed in front of her, so she had to know the risks.
Natsu closed his eyes as his brows furrowed, groaning because once again, a conflicting thought entered his head.
If Lucy saw all that and still wanted to be a runner, surely she knew there were real risks involved? There was no way she hadn't thought it through, right?
Natsu exhaled slowly, trying to calm his mind. Was there a way to make Lucy more alert? More careful? Could he come out and say what he thought without making her mad?
He had told her he thought she didn't take being a runner seriously, and that hadn't gone well at all. She had just assured him she had been in dangerous situations before, as if being tortured by a human and being face-to-face with a zombie were anywhere near the same thing.
He couldn't, even for a second, imagine what kind of pain and anguish she went through while Ivan held her captive. There was no way, and he was beyond proud of her for not giving up when she had ever right to do so.
However, it seemed foolish to survive that only to throw herself back in harm's way. And for what? To feel better about herself? To prove something to herself or others?
Without having a serious, open discussion, he was left filling in the blanks left behind after their few conversations/arguments about the topic.
As much as he wanted to shift the blame, he couldn't. He was the one not willing to hear her out, shutting down the idea of her being a runner in the beginning, then probably insulting her by watching over her today.
He shook his head, knowing he was trying to sugarcoat it in his head. There was no 'probably' to it. He had insulted her. He would feel the same way if he was in her boots.
Boots, he noticed, that had their laces untucked.
He shook his head, knowing he was looking for reasons to dismiss her as a runner. It didn't matter what he said or did, he wasn't changing her mind. That much was very clear. Lucy was going to do what she wanted, and for some reason he couldn't comprehend, she wanted to risk her life as a runner.
Natsu took the opportunity to suck in a breath of air when a breeze brushed by, welcoming the change in weather. It wouldn't be long until it was hot outside, Natsu basking in the warmth from the sun. It hung low in the sky, the day coming to an end.
He needed to sort through his thoughts and figure out what to do soon, because tomorrow was around the corner.
He sighed, dropping his head to focus on his lap. He pulled a knee into his chest, picking at his pants as he thought about his limited options.
What could he really do? What he wanted and what she wanted didn't line up, and he wasn't sure they were going to find common ground.
She wasn't working on base, and she didn't seem happy about him watching over her while away from Fairy Tail. Was there even a chance they could find a real compromise? Or was it better to give up and accept what he couldn't change?
Natsu shook his head, huffing at the idiotic idea of giving up. He couldn't do that, because giving up meant caring less about Lucy's safety, right?
There had to be another way.
As Happy hunted a butterfly in his peripherals, Natsu reevaluated the situation he had found himself in and how he could go about it. For so long he had wanted Lucy to get better, to grow confident and secure with herself, but somehow he was upset with how she progressed despite wanting that exact thing to happen to her.
Was it because she seemed to make the most improvements once he left?
That jerk in his stomach told him he was on the right path, his shoulders sagging. He pressed a hand to his head as the start to another headache made itself known.
Natsu stared at the concrete below him, purposely making his eyes unfocused in hopes it would make his scattered thoughts clear.
Lucy had been dependent on him for so long. Was it possible he felt bad because she didn't need him anymore? She had grown so much in such a short time, and he hadn't been there to witness or help her through that journey, and that upset him.
'Is that selfish?'
Natsu's tongue ran over the sore spot on his inner cheek from where he bit too hard earlier. He imagined it wasn't a pretty sight, but it had been worth it. There was no telling how aggravated Lucy would have been at him if he had spoken up on their trip back to Fairy Tail.
Natsu didn't want to, but the evidence against him was stacking up. He wanted to be the reason she got better, but she seemed fine without him, and that stung more than he cared to admit.
Months back when he thought about Lucy improving, he imagined her having conversations with others without being scared, thought of her laughing and smiling more freely, and feeling better about herself.
She was now doing all of those things, just... not with him.
Natsu rested his head against the rail, doing his best to blank his mind for a moment to find some peace. It worked, his eyes hooded as he slowly exhaled, but then all those thoughts came rushing back.
As much as it hurt, he couldn't deny that deep loss he felt knowing he couldn't celebrate and share in Lucy's accomplishments because he was being too stubborn to accept her new role at Fairy Tail.
What could he do to fix things between them when he wasn't willing to concede?
He knew Lucy wanted him to be okay with her new job. That much was painfully obvious. "Fuck," Natsu groaned, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to make sense of it all. He kept thinking back to how quickly she took charge of the house she was assigned, filling those bags with essential items and hauling them through the house.
When he had found her in that basement she had been so fragile, bruising after he held her wrist a little too hard and jolting at every sound. Part of Natsu couldn't shake that image from his head.
Even after seeing how bold she had been, and damn it, she had been brave leading that chariot of flesh-eating monsters.
Crazy, but still brave.
As much as he hated to admit it, she had been a bit sassy when leading the chariot. The ringing accompanying her steps had doubled on their way back, Natsu suspecting she had more of a sway in her step.
The way she taunted those zombies, daring them to take a crack at her, it had his blood boiling with so much frustration he was sure his hands would have caught on fire with how hard he rubbed his thumbs against his fists.
Lucy was so confident he struggled to recognize her when recalling how she was when he found her months back.
Half a year back.
It felt like a lifetime ago, but also like it was just yesterday.
Maybe the saying was true, something about days passing slow but years passing in the blink of an eye? He wasn't too sure, Natsu never being one for words and quotes and whatnot.
He moved to sit crisscrossed when Happy ventured near, grabbing his cat to place in his lap. The feline had no protests, purring loudly as Natsu scratched behind Happy's ears. A small smile appeared as he wondered how long he had until it got dark.
He thought of grabbing his fishing pole and visiting the creek where they got most of their water. Happy would surely enjoy a piece of fish, though Natsu knew they would be getting a steady supply when Makarov and the others worked out a trading agreement. He wasn't sure what Fairy Tail could offer, but Hargeon had said they wanted to help if they could.
However, they were full of secrets, so Natsu didn't want to rely too much on their word.
His stomach rolled at the thought of what happened at their prison, conflicted because he knew they could benefit from research, but he was disgusted with how they were making their discoveries.
How much was a human life worth?
There was no easy answer, but Natsu was sure it was a lot more valuable than a bit of information.
Fairy Tail was managing fine without knowing what caused the virus, or infection, or whatever the hell it was. Why did Hargeon have to take matters into their own hands and decide who got to live and die?
Why... why did Gray have to side with them? Didn't he value life too? Did it not upset him what they were doing?
Part of him thought they were better off not teaming up with Hargeon, but he knew they had resources Fairy Tail just couldn't get on their own.
For example, they now had chickens! Sure, they weren't producing eggs yet, but he was sure once they got some coops made and the birds settled after their travels, they would be laying eggs regularly.
Natsu grinned at the thought of fresh eggs for breakfast, though he knew it wouldn't be that simple. With as many people as they had at Fairy Tail compared to the few chickens, the eggs would be better used mixed into their food instead of standing on their own.
Natsu's stomach growled at the thought of food, a sound he welcomed as he continued to spoil Happy with pets and scratches. It gave him a sense of normalcy. After his world got turned upside down in a matter of days, he needed all the 'normal' he could get.
Thinking about food, Natsu wondered what Lucy's traps for rabbits looked like. Maybe sometime soon they could take a walk around Fairy Tail, look at the chickens and her traps. It would be nice to enjoy her company again without any strains.
Before that thought could fully take root, he was back to focusing on his dilemma with his roommate.
Natsu ground his teeth as he forced himself to think of a world where he was okay with Lucy as a runner, trying to see how that might go. While Lucy had been a bit careless and not as alert as he would have liked, she was determined to do a good job. She had grown stronger too, Natsu remembering how frail she used to be compared to now, watching as she walked with something like pride in her steps.
'Is that the right way to put it?'
He sighed as he closed his eyes, wondering how many zombies had she fought? How many close calls she encountered? How many days had she been in training before Rogue released her on her own?
Natsu groaned, knowing she wasn't truly alone. After too many people died on their own in training, the runners and clearers decided not to break up into small groups. All the runners were a team, focusing on the same area so if someone needed help, they could get it quickly.
But, accidents happened.
Natsu knew his imagination ran wild at times, but a zombie could find its way into a house that had been cleared under the right circumstances. He had never found that problem himself, but he always made sure a house was truly empty before scavenging for supplies.
"I'm getting nowhere," Natsu admitted, wondering if there was an honest way both of them could get what they wanted.
'Probably not.'
Someone would have to give up, and he didn't want it to be him, but... a weird part of him didn't want it to be her either. That thought tore a groan from his throat as he moved his head back, wincing when he hit the rail again. The small pain subsided as he dived back into his head, trying to figure out how he felt and why.
The more he delved, the more frustrated he became, not wanting to overthink things but unable to stop.
Would Lucy lose that spark she seemed to possess now that she was a runner? He had seen her smile before he left for Hargeon, shared laughs with her and enjoyed her company, but there was something about her now so different. For the first time, Lucy seemed lively, which only made him feel like an asshole for wanting her to quit her job and stay on base.
If it was the modern world, he would say anyone who forced someone to stop doing what they loved would be in the wrong, but they weren't in the modern world, and the risks to Natsu outweighed the rewards.
There were other people who could be runners, but Lucy insisted on tagging along with them.
Hell, she was one of them.
From Rogue to Hibiki to Lyon to even Droy, they all seemed to talk to Lucy like she was part of their team.
'I can't stop her from being a runner, but she doesn't want me protecting her either.'
There was no way Lucy was giving up, that he was certain. Natsu's eye twitched when he thought about the glares she sent him when he caught a peek of her outside as he helped load the trailer. At the time he had been too focused on his surroundings to really notice, but damn, she had a fire in her eyes that had him a little proud.
If it was for anything else, Natsu was sure he would enjoy seeing a determined and stubborn Lucy, but he wasn't that lucky.
He had to admit, the glares were welcomed when he remembered her downright ignoring him when they reached the base. It wasn't like they could really socialize much, but it seemed like she made it a point to keep her eyes off him.
It was different from a few nights ago when he returned. He had been the cause of her odd behavior then too, Natsu's body feeling heavier the more he recognized his mistakes.
He shouldn't have told Makarov Lucy's secret.
He should have encouraged her to speak her mind instead of just speaking.
He shouldn't have yelled at her when he was angry.
He should have listened to her instead of shutting her down.
He shouldn't have acted like she was defenseless and weak earlier.
He should have let her take on that zombie, even if his throat tightened at the mere thought of it.
Natsu released a shaky breath, knowing there were so many more mistakes made in between, but the more he thought about it the more his mind tried shutting down.
He didn't want to admit his wrongdoings.
Natsu knew he had flaws. Everyone did, but had he ever hurt someone's feelings because of them? He couldn't recall, his mind growing foggy, wanting a break.
Considering how much he had been thinking over the past few days, he needed a rest.
With a deep breath, Natsu placed Happy beside him before standing, stretching his legs. His stomach rumbled again, but it would be a while until dinner was served.
His brows shot up when he thought of gathering with his friends. Would Lucy be there? Or was she planning on eating by herself like she had for lunch? He hoped he would see her, even if she didn't talk to him.
Lucy being isolated didn't sit well with him, especially if he was the cause of her withdrawal.
Pushing that thought aside before any ill feelings could follow, he chirped for Happy to follow him inside.
The blue feline complied, meowing every few steps until they entered the building. The cat scurried up the stairs, leaving Natsu behind to catch up, the man's steps more languid.
He found Happy sitting on the second to first step, but his eyes were quickly drawn away when he heard voices. He thought nothing of it at first, already in the process of dismissing it as he climbed the stairs.
Just as Natsu made it to the second floor, he spotted Lyon walking backwards. The man was pulling a twin mattress, a grimace on his face as he huffed out a breath. Natsu didn't pry, assuming Lyon was making his move in with Merudy official.
However, that thought was quickly shattered when he spotted the person on the other end of the mattress, Natsu's eyes catching on the pink tattoo on the person's hand seconds before she stepped into his line of vision.
Natsu didn't know how he was able to stand when his legs went numb, the color draining from his face when he realized it was Lucy helping move the mattress. His voice came out as a cracked whisper, throat tight and heart sinking as he muttered, "Lucy?"
His voice was small, but in that quiet hallway Lucy heard him, her head turning towards the sound before her eyes widened.
She opened her mouth as she stopped, causing Lyon to curse as his arms dropped an inch, probably from Lucy slacking with her share of the weight. Natsu couldn't stay focused on that, searching Lucy's face for some type of explanation since she wouldn't say anything despite her lips moving a bit.
It was as if she struggled to find the words, just as Natsu struggled to find his breath.
He swallowed as he fought the bitterness building in the back of his throat, trying to keep his voice even as he asked, "What's going on?"
He wasn't even sure he said those words, his mind growing foggy around the edges. Everything around him went silent, his body unusually cold as she stared at him, her eyes slowly growing watery until she looked away.
He swore something in his chest jerked, as if tied to her very being, disrupted when she couldn't bother to look him in the eyes. Natsu's hands shook at his sides, the man barely resisting the urge to reach out, knowing getting near her wouldn't be wise.
Hell, talking to her proved to be disastrous. Every time he spoke to her, he upset her.
He... he hurt her.
He never wanted to hurt her again, but he could see the way her bottom lip trembled before she swallowed, voice tight as she pushed the words out. "I'm... moving out."
Natsu's teeth clenched, trying to stop his body's response. Despite his efforts, his vision blurred, unshed tears forming along his eyes. He swore gravity grew stronger, everything in his body feeling heavier.
People moved. It happened often before the outbreak, and while it wasn't common, people occasionally moved rooms afterwards. However, that brought him no comfort knowing Lucy wanted to leave their room.
Leave him.
A pressure unlike anything he had ever felt crushed against his chest, Natsu's shoulders twitching as he did everything in his power to remain in control. He wouldn't give in to the flood of emotions raging within his body.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit something. He wanted... He wanted...
"Oh," Natsu forced out just as a tear slipped down his cheek, over the scar raised against his skin.
He swallowed, the simple action painful, like his throat was raw.
No, that was inaccurate. Every part of his body felt raw, sure he would crumble if someone were to give him a gentle push.
He wanted to stop her, to beg her to reconsider, but the thought of even taking a step towards her had his stomach twisting.
It didn't matter what he wanted, not when it took away Lucy's free will.
He had done this.
He drove her away, once and for all.
And as much as it hurt, and it hurt worse than any injury he had sustained thus far in his entire life, he couldn't do anything about it.
"I'll... see you around," Lucy finally said, her voice distant as his hearing faded.
If he nodded, he couldn't feel it. If he said anything, he didn't hear it. He watched as Lucy readjusted the mattress in her hands before taking a step forward, Natsu feeling a tug with every move she made, until he could no longer see her.
Then, Natsu felt nothing, his whole body numb as his mind failed to comprehend a thing.
He wasn't sure how long he stood there, body swaying slightly as the tears fell. Disbelief. His whole world had come crashing down around him in a matter of days, the weight of it all finally snapping Natsu out of his daze when he almost stumbled.
Gasping for air, Natsu blinked away the tears, but they were relentless, not giving him a moment of rest when he found his thoughts. He shook his head, deciding he didn't want to get caught crying in the hall should someone else venture through, if they hadn't already.
He found Happy wandering the area in front of their room.
Natsu gripped against his chest as that pain from before resurfaced, stinging as he whispered, "My... room."
It felt like acid on his tongue.
With a painful swallow he unlocked the door, barely allowing Happy and him to enter before he leaned against the wood. When he looked over at the empty space where Lucy's mattress used to be, his knees gave out, Natsu sliding harshly against the door until he was on a solid surface.
He closed his eyes as they burned with fresh tears, his body shaking as he let the storm of emotions win. It didn't matter. What use was fighting them when he had nothing to gain from it?
Lucy was gone.
Gone.
He was so scared of losing her that he drove her away, drove her to despise him.
He thought maybe a little space would do some good, but apparently Lucy wanted nothing to do with him, her decision permanent.
Natsu gnashed his teeth as he slammed his fist backwards into the door, the throbbing in his hand nothing compared to the panging in his chest.
"Fuck," he mumbled as he tipped his head back, stinging eyes opening as he growled, "You fucking idiot."
Natsu hit the door three more times for good measure, but it didn't help.
Nothing helped, the man soon drawing in on himself, knees tucked into his chest as he buried his face in his pants. The material absorbed his tears, but it seemed he wasn't running out.
The more he sat there in his self-pity, the worse he felt. As if his mind wanted him to suffer, he replayed all the mistakes he had made over the past few days.
And worst of all, he kept seeing Lucy's pained and angry expressions. That hurt more than anything.
He hadn't realized how badly he wanted to see her smile until that privilege was taken away.
Natsu muttered a string of curses between his sobs as he struggled to breathe, sucking in precious oxygen only after he felt lightheaded. His breaths were shaky after that, his recurring thoughts brought to a halt when he felt something soft against his arm.
He looked down, seeing Happy rubbing against him before turning back, giving his arm a head bop. It should have calmed him down, but that only had him bursting into a new round of tears, knowing he didn't deserve comfort when Lucy was hurting.
But, he still found himself upset with how everything was going. Yes, he was making mistakes, but he didn't know how to fix them. He wanted things to be better between Lucy and him, but how could he even hope to make that happen when so much damage had been done?
And even if they somehow mended things between them, she was still going to be in danger every day she went off base. He thought the solution was to stay by her side and protect her, but that only made her aggravated, even mad when he killed a zombie for her.
Despite knowing he didn't deserve it, Natsu grabbed Happy and pulled him into his lap as his legs fell, the cat immediately purring at the attention. Natsu pet him slowly as he tried for what felt like the millionth time to figure things out, but he always came up short.
Was there any compromise to be had? Or was he just supposed to back off and hope nothing bad happened to her?
His stomach knotted at the thought of her facing those dangers on her own, his lower lip quivering at the thought of her making one wrong move and risking it all. She could slip. The sun could get in her eyes. Any number of things could go wrong when she was facing the undead, and without knowing her skill level, he was terrified of her going head to head with one of those monsters.
A groan tore from his throat, the vibrations painful, but he ignored it. The emotional pain far outweighed anything else.
'I had a chance to see her in action,' he thought, knowing he had the perfect chance to see how skillful she was as a runner, but he had been too scared to even consider standing back. He saw a threat, and he eliminated it.
But, Lucy had called it, and he deliberately went against her wishes.
Was there even a chance to get a do-over? To see her in action against a zombie?
Honestly, would he even be able to stand there and do nothing?
He didn't know, but he was pretty sure Lucy wouldn't be okay with him tagging along to find out.
'She doesn't want to live with me anymore. She... doesn't want to be around me.'
Natsu's eyes stayed trained on his outstretched legs, refusing to look at that empty space by his bed again. He had fucked up, royally. He didn't know if there was anyway to fix the damage that had been done.
He wasn't sure Lucy would even give him a chance to try.
"I-I... pushed her... too far." He was facing the consequences of his actions.
Was there ever a way to share his concerns and worries over her safety without her feeling attacked or insulted?
He wasn't sure.
There was so much uncertainty, so much pain and feelings that he didn't know how to comprehend.
He continued letting his thoughts spiral or loop back around, feeling hopelessly stuck.
All those thoughts led back to one painful conclusion, Natsu feeling a deep ache in his heart every time he found it.
'I lost her.'
The realization cut like a knife.
.
.
.
Should a person be honest and possibly hurt someone's feelings and damage their friendship/relationship or keep quiet and hope things end up alright even if it puts the person in an uncomfortable situation by not speaking their truth?
Levy found herself once again debating that on that lovely Sunday afternoon, hanging out with two of her closest friends.
Jet and Droy had been good companions over the years, their friendship starting when they met on a college tour, blooming when they attended that school.
Levy had two years of college under her belt, getting all of her general education out of the way early so her last years could be focused on her major.
Unfortunately, Levy's plans were stunted when the outbreak occurred, the bookworm unable to receive formal education. She did her best to pursue her goals, studying what she could in her free time. However, Fairy Tail's library didn't have the largest collection on psychology and ethics, making her dream of becoming a healer of the minds more difficult.
It wasn't impossible though, driving Levy to do what she could in the meantime.
She hadn't been sure if she wanted to go into private practice or open herself up to the community. She had often envisioned herself as a guide of sorts, helping people achieve their own dreams and encourage their progress.
Her parents had been proud of her when she spoke of becoming a guidance counselor for children. It paid decently and would benefit so many lives, but Levy had been undecided on exactly what path she wanted to walk after getting her degrees.
Now, well, that piece of paper wouldn't mean much. However, she could still help, already feeling a sense of accomplishment every time Lucy or someone else opened up to her. She had hoped to help Romeo through his troubles, even going to the classroom and asking to see him during her break earlier, but the boy had refused to talk.
Levy couldn't blame him, offering a sad smile as she told him she understood, and that her door was open if he changed his mind.
The human mind was such a complex device and emotions that seemed simple could turn tides in moments. Levy was still learning about human behaviors, facial expressions, and everything in between, but it didn't take a licensed therapist to see the obvious attraction her two friends held for her, or their unspoken rivalry for her affections.
Levy didn't want to risk ruining her friendships with either men, thankful they had never pushed for more with her. She cherished them, much like she did Natsu, Gray, and Jellal.
They were great friends, but beyond that, she saw no chance of a romantic or physical relationship.
She wondered if it would be kinder to be honest and tell them she wasn't interested in that with them, and that they should work to move on, but that risked making their friendship awkward.
However, staying silent on the matter was less than comfortable at times, especially when they hinted towards other possibilities.
Until now, Levy had always found a way around their timid advances, mostly because they never outright said what they wanted. She had avoided that difficult conversation in favor of sparing their feelings, but she should have known she couldn't keep it up forever.
"Here," Jet said, passing Levy a lit joint, the woman smiling as she accepted it.
A steady inhale later and Levy was easing against the plush ground beneath her. They chose what used to be the soccer field as their hangout spot, Levy seeing where the gardeners were setting up for another greenhouse. She rested an arm under her head as she passed the joint over the Droy, the man on her other side.
She listened idly as her eyes roamed the field, watching some clearers wrapping up their job for the day. From the looks of it, they had started constructing the outdoor showers.
Levy had to admit, she liked the idea of the runners and clearers rotating being off base. With only one of those chariot things, it would make it difficult to go back and forth for two groups. Not only that, it meant Lucy and Droy were safer. The less they left base, the less danger they put themselves in.
Before Levy knew it, she was handed the joint again, sighing peacefully before taking her second hit. She hadn't yet felt the effects, but she knew they were coming. She would welcome their arrival.
"Wonder what's for dinner," Droy said, Levy closing her eyes as she pictured food in her head. It felt like a lifetime ago that she could drive to a restaurant and pick up whatever she wanted. The food served at Fairy Tail wasn't bad, but getting no say in what they ate each day was one of the many adjustments they had to make since the outbreak.
"Always thinking about food," Jet said, causing Levy's brows to tense in anticipation. She hoped her friend wouldn't mention it again, noticing he had done it the day before.
She had noticed Droy put on a few pounds. It wasn't drastic, especially since Levy had seen the progress over the past two months. As a runner, Droy had the option to snack off base, and lately something had him taking advantage of that privilege more often.
Droy hadn't said the extra weight bothered him, but that didn't give Jet a pass to tease him.
Jet interrupted her train of thought as he said, "Maybe if you spent less time eating you'd still look the same."
Say something? Or let it slide to keep the peace?
Jet answered her question when he chuckled, Levy's eyes remaining closed as she muttered, "That's not funny."
"Oh come on, he doesn't mind," Jet started, but Levy didn't let him continue.
"You shouldn't joke about someone's weight. How heavy or light someone is doesn't equal their worth."
"It's fine," Droy said, but Levy wasn't convinced. Droy had been tense the last few weeks, but every time she had asked if he was okay, he said yes. She wondered if reading psychology books had her looking for things that weren't there, but she felt something was bothering him.
"See, he doesn't mind," Jet said, Levy hearing him shift beside her. "But I'll stop."
Satisfied with that answer, Levy tried relaxing her muscles. Her job wasn't too demanding physically, but the long hours did weigh on her after some time, especially with such a long stretch between meals.
It was ironic, seeing as she was surrounded by food all day. However, her job came with trust to not abuse that power. A few others had been removed from receiving when caught taking extra food. Their punishment was a job reassignment and a warning.
That was a growing debate throughout Fairy Tail, the distribution of food. Mira, the head cook, ensured each meal had adequate calories and nutrients to keep the survivors alive, but people got hungry.
Levy was one of the few working on a proposal for the possibility of lunches. Nothing big, just something to hold them over until dinner. Their supplies were growing in numbers every day the more they relied on the garden and hunting, meaning they could spare some of their stock if it meant keeping morale up.
However, Levy knew it was wise to keep a healthy stock of excess food on hand, just in case they ran into a problem and lost the garden or the ability to hunt.
A languid smile appeared on Levy's face as she pictured the garden, the sharpness in her mind beginning to blur as the marijuana took effect. She was going to let it flow through her and relax, but the mention of her name had her coming back to reality. Her eyes fluttered open before widening, seeing Droy and Jet standing over her in what looked to be a heated debate.
How long had she zoned out?
"No way! I should get to spend some alone time with her! I haven't seen her in forever!" Jet yelled, causing Droy to cross his arms over his chest.
"And whose fault is that? You didn't have to go?" With a groan, Droy added, "Besides, I didn't really get to hang out with her that much while you were gone."
"Not my problem," Jet insisted, shaking his head. "You had all the time in the world to spend with her. Not my fault you got nervous!"
"I told you that in confidence!" Droy snapped back before shoving at Jet's chest, missing when the man quickly dodged.
Levy's hands covered her face as Droy stumbled forward, prepared for impact, but luckily her friend caught his balance just in time, clearing her with a large step.
"Watch where you're going! You almost stepped on Levy!"
"It was an accident! I'd never hurt her on purpose!"
As Jet yelled something back, Levy fumbled to her feet, now wishing she hadn't started smoking. She was in the buzzed stage, but it left her feeling spaced out, which wasn't good when she wanted to resolve whatever conflict they were having.
"Guys!" She clenched her hands by her side as she narrowed her eyes, causing both men to jolt before looking her way. "What are you even doing?!"
Any bite that might have been in her tone was snuffed out by sheer confusion. Weren't they talking about food? Or had the conversation changed while she was stuck in her head. She blinked a few times, her breathing picking up as she tried to fight the wave of easiness wanting to invade her body.
"I think I should get to hang out with you on your next day off, alone, since Droy's had his chance to while I was gone," Jet urged, though that only baffled Levy.
Before she could ask why she couldn't hang out with both of them on her day off, she realized it didn't even matter. Droy would be at work, so obviously she wouldn't be able to spend time with him as much.
"I don't need a whole day... Just... wanted to see if she'd have dinner with me tomorrow," Droy said, clarifying that confusion for Levy. "Alone."
Her relief was short-lived when she realized the implications. Dinner. Just the two of them. She sucked in a sharp breath, trepidation running down her spine as she straightened up.
Say something or keep quiet?
Levy did her best to shrug it off, the movement a little exaggerated as her state of mind tried retreating into the blissfulness that came when she was high. It really wasn't fair. She just wanted to take a load off and chill with her friends, not play referee in their uncomfortable argument.
"I eat with my friends," Levy stated, happy she didn't have to be too direct. "Either of you are welcome to join."
She knew they wouldn't. The table was already crowded and they had a few friends they liked sitting with too, so it wasn't likely they would switch it up.
Droy's head dropped as he kicked at the ground, his fidgeting making Levy's stomach twist. She didn't like jumping to conclusions, but something about the way his jaw tightened suggested he wanted to protest.
Thankfully he didn't, but his compromise was more or less what she hoped to avoid.
"What about breakfast? Just you and me?"
Levy didn't get a chance to speak, Jet gesturing to her while keeping his eyes on Droy. "Can't you take a hint? She doesn't want to be alone with you."
In an instant Levy's mood soured, able to sober up long enough to shoot him a dirty look. "You don't have to say it like that. I'd rather not be alone with anyone."
It was somewhat true. If given the option she would rather be in a group, surrounded by friends, conversation, and laughter. She didn't mind time alone with the right people, thinking of how well she coexisted with Cana most of the time.
Levy didn't want to hurt either of their feelings, but they weren't leaving her much of a choice when they kept pushing, Jet asking, "What about me? I thought we could spend your next day off together since we'll both be off."
Levy's brows furrowed, unable to hide her emotions. She did her best to avoid being alone with either guy, not wanting to give them the wrong idea. However, she was starting to see avoiding the topic in favor of sparing their feelings had backfired.
For a moment she wondered if she was leading them on, but she couldn't shoulder all the blame. She had never expressed wanting anything more than friendship, and if they weren't okay with that, then that was their problem.
"Actually, I had a book I've been meaning to read," she said truthfully. Based off the table of contents, the book covered a broad scope of how adolescence could affect adulthood, and she figured it was worth checking out, especially if she wanted to help children.
"What about after that? Before dinner?" Droy asked, causing Jet to grunt.
"You've had time to see her. I haven't."
"And she's been busy most of that time," Droy said, but Jet shook his head.
"You said you were too scared to ask her, so which is it? She was busy or you were scared?"
"Dude!" Droy glanced at Levy with an apprehensive look that she missed, the woman dragging a hand over her face as another wave flowed through her.
She wasn't in the right mindset to deal with their... whatever it was they were doing. She just wanted to go back to lying down and letting the high take her on an adventure, but with how frazzled she felt, she doubted she would get that pleasure.
If there was any chance at salvaging the afternoon, it was ruined as soon as Jet said, "We should just ask her to pick. Get this over with."
"Can you two please cut it out!" Levy said, interrupting whatever reply came out of Droy's mouth. "You asked me to hang out today, right now—" She squeezed her eyes shut when the world spun, needing a few deep breaths before she felt centered.
When she opened her eyes, she saw tight faces and averted eyes. With a sigh, Levy crossed her arms over her chest, needing a shield, even if she was the one about to deal the blow.
"Look, I..." Levy wanted to be gentle, but the weed damaged her filter, the words tumbling out harsher than she intended.
Considering she was usually a giggly stoner, it was a miracle she didn't laugh at them.
"I wanted to ignore the obvious in the room, but I guess I can't keep doing that. I don't like you like that. Either of you." She mirrored their frowns, heart heavy as she added, "I just want to be friends, okay?"
They were quiet, both men looking any direction but at her. Finally, after a long moment, Droy said, "But maybe—"
His voice faltered when Levy's shoulders sagged. She let the weight of the situation crush her for a moment, still trying to process so much over the past few days.
Cana wasn't suicidal but she didn't want to live, and somehow having an affair helped her cope.
Natsu, Gray, and Jet came back from their mission and there was so much to catch up on.
Natsu and Lucy had a fight and she was crashing with them until they resolved their issues.
And now she had to draw a clear line between friendship and more, and make sure they understood which side they stood on.
Maybe it was harsh, but she couldn't let it continue. It didn't matter how uncomfortable being direct made her, she couldn't let them think for a second longer she might be interested in more, that friendship was all she could offer.
"If there's even a chance you think something could happen in the future between us, I need to know now so I can take a step back from this friendship," Levy said, making herself clear. She already felt herself wanting some space, the situation too much to handle with everything else going on around her.
It seemed like everyone had their share of problems. They were all just trying to find their place in the new world, but nothing would ever be perfect.
Feelings were bound to get hurt, but that was life.
It was painful, but it was better than nothing.
"I," Jet started, face marred with guilt and a hint of disappointment. "I understand."
Slowly, Levy felt herself breathe, the exhale loosening her muscles.
"Me too," Droy mumbled next, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I'm sorry."
Levy shook her head, not wanting them to feel bad about, well, feeling. "Just, I'd like us to remain friends."
She valued their friendship, treasured the many nights the three of them stayed up late smoking, talking, and clowning around. There was a chance things could get awkward for a bit, but she was glad knowing she wouldn't be losing two friends.
Their days were numbered, and she didn't want to spend them in turmoil.
There was already enough of that going around.
Levy kept her head down during dinner. Not only was she unable to engage in proper conversation as the sleepy stage of her high set in, she didn't know what to say. The table was tense as everyone tiptoed around subjects, the conversations scarce with most people picking at their food.
Levy thought the most conflict she would encounter that day was her confrontation with Jet and Droy, and while things seemed somewhat settled, Levy stayed uneasy after finding out some new information.
While she didn't know the whole story, she did know the basics.
Lucy had moved out of Natsu's room, but she wasn't living with her or Cana anymore. A room at the end of their hall was vacant, so Lucy had moved into it with the help of Lyon and Hibiki.
Beyond that, Levy was out of the loop.
At first she wondered why Lucy didn't just continue staying in their room until she patched things up with Natsu, but part of her wondered if Lucy even considered returning to Natsu's room. Moving to a new room felt permanent, and judging by the glassy, red eyes Natsu sported, he wasn't happy about the situation.
He had been the most silent, sitting on the outside of the group. Levy tried to avoid staring, stealing a few peeks when she thought no one would notice.
Natsu's hair was never neat, but it was abnormally messy, some locks hanging right in his face. The skin around his eyes was rubbed raw, slightly swollen and red. He showed no enthusiasm as he ate, even though the dish tonight was particularly delicious.
That stole Levy's focus for a moment, savoring the flavor before Erza's voice disrupted her thoughts.
"Is everyone still good with the movie tonight?" she asked, Levy waiting until Cana and Lucy nodded before doing the same. Gray didn't have any objections, saying he would be there before Erza's eyes fell to Natsu, who hadn't responded.
If Levy had to guess, she would say he didn't even hear her, the man's eyes dazed as he slowly brought a forkful of food to his barely parted lips.
"Natsu?"
It took her calling his name once more before he looked up, recognition flashing in his eyes before he asked in a hoarse voice, "Y-yeah?"
"Will you be joining us tonight? For the movie?" Erza asked, her tone unreadable to Levy. She couldn't tell if she wanted him to say yes or no, but she didn't look upset when Natsu gave a single nod.
"Yeah."
Levy saw Natsu's eyes wander to her side for a moment, no doubt on Lucy. She didn't return the gaze, brown eyes fixed on her plate with her brows pinched.
"Very well. The movie will begin at nine sharp."
Erza was met with some murmured responses. The lack of energy would have drained Levy if she wasn't already tired. She hadn't smoked enough to get a good high, cruising in the buzzed stage for about an hour until the tiredness set in.
Now all she wanted was a good night's sleep, but she wanted to hang out with her friends, even if they didn't seem all that motivated.
Levy curled sideways against the couch in Erza and Jellal's room. It was normally comfy, but paired with her sleepiness the thing was downright irresistible. She was halfway asleep when she heard the door open, peeking an eye open to see Natsu walk in, looking more or less the same as he did at dinner.
She didn't think much of it, blissfully allowing her mind a break. With counting, sorting, and studying taking up most of her time, it was nice to relax, not worry so much about the future.
She allowed her body to sink into the cushion, her eyes slipping shut as the voices around her quieted down. However, it didn't last long after Cana arrived, announcing her presence with a slur before the couch moved, the woman landing on it unceremoniously.
Despite the disturbance, Levy managed a smile. She knew Cana's tendencies to lean towards alcohol wasn't healthy, but considering how uneasy Cana had been the past few days, it was nice to hear her at ease, if only temporary.
Idle chatter filled the room, Levy humming a few times when she heard some exchanges about the movie. She wasn't a fan of horror, especially with how the world had fallen apart, but she didn't want to skip time with her friends.
"It's getting late," Erza said, tone suddenly tense.
Levy felt her watch on her wrist, wondering what time it was, but she had no plans on checking, Sleep was already pulling her, and Levy was putting up no fight.
It would be like old times, everyone gathered to watch a movie with Levy being the first to fall asleep. Only once did someone else fall asleep before her, and that was when Cana drank herself into a stupor on some cheap whiskey.
'Old times,' Levy thought, heart warming at the memories of before the outbreak, back when her biggest concerns were student loans and how long she would be living with her parents.
"It's only five past nine," Gray said, the man on the furthest end of the couch from Levy. He had been quiet, more so than usual.
"Was Lucy behind you?" Erza asked, causing Levy's brows to furrow for a moment. She didn't know who Erza was talking to, but figured it was Cana when she was the one who answered her question with a question.
"How should I know?" the woman asked, the sound of sloshing heard by Levy. She wondered for a brief moment where Cana got more alcohol before her 'allowance', but she knew her friend had her ways.
Cana had a bit of a reckless streak, but when she put her mind to something, she got it done.
"Isn't she staying with you?" Jellal asked, Levy's smile slipping as tension started settling into her bones.
She tried ignoring it, hoping the comfort from the couch would work its magic. Her wishes weren't granted, the tension soon surrounding her as the conversation took a sharp turn for the worse.
Perhaps if she were more focused she could have prevented the downward spiral, but unfortunately for her, she didn't speak up.
"Nah, she moved out today. I think she's down the hall now," Cana said, pulling an irritated groan from Erza.
"Seriously?" There was a pause before the woman's tone turned strict, as if scolding a child. "Are you happy now? If you would've just talked to her this wouldn't have happened."
"Don't start," came Natsu's voice, though it felt distant despite being close to Levy. If she had opened her eyes she would have noticed he took a seat on the ground inches away from the couch.
A loud sigh tugged at Levy's attention, her search for comfort disturbed when Erza said, "I don't understand why you're being difficult. I get you're worried, but you can't— Don't do that Natsu. Rolling your eyes is childish."
"So is bickering, but you don't see me complaining," Natsu muttered, the bite in his tone causing Levy to open her eyes for good.
Sleepiness began fading as she looked up, seeing Erza's slack jaw before the woman's eyes softened. "Why are you acting like this Natsu? I thought of all people you'd be the happiest for Lucy."
A growl had Levy turning her head to see Natsu in her peripherals, the man not bothering to look up. "Can we drop it and watch the movie already?"
"Lucy hasn't shown yet," Erza said before crossing her arms over her chest. "But I don't think she's coming."
"And?" Natsu asked, though his tone suggested he didn't care for an answer.
That had Erza sighing once more before crouching in front of the small coffee table, turning on the computer. "And, I think if you would've just talked to her like I suggested, you two would be on good terms and Lucy would be here with us."
"Does it—" Natsu cut himself off before shaking his head. "Never mind," he mumbled, but Erza's interest was caught.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Erza paused her ministrations, eyes focused on Natsu. "No, you had something to say. Say it."
"Just..." Natsu still wouldn't look at Erza, Levy's head falling against the couch as she wondered what was going through his mind. She had seen Natsu upset, but to be rendered speechless? It just wasn't like him.
"Just spit it out," Gray said, causing Natsu to shoot him an angry look.
Levy expected an insult, maybe an empty threat about kicking Gray's ass, but the fire quickly died in Natsu's eyes. He looked around the room before shaking his head.
"I think I'm gonna skip on the movie tonight," Natsu said, pushing against the ground to help himself stand.
He wasn't all the way up before Erza suggested, "Maybe you should go find Lucy? Hmm? I really think if you—"
Natsu's head tipped back as he groaned, clearly irritated. "Will you just quit it?" His words were harsh but his tone was hollow, no fight beneath his voice. He gestured outwards before letting his arms fall to his sides. "Telling me to go talk to her isn't gonna magically fix the problem."
"No," Erza started, slowly rising to her feet as well. "But the sooner you fix it, the sooner—" She stopped when Jellal tugged at her arm, his voice soft but stern.
"Erza, I don't think pushing him is going to work."
Erza's voice stayed steady, but the look in her eyes had Jellal flinch. "And I don't think ignoring the problem is going to make it go away."
Levy kept her lips pressed into a tight line, wondering if she should speak up. She didn't know what to say to deescalate things, worried they were putting a strain on their friendship. She believed space would help everyone, give them time to reflect before trying to talk again, but Erza wasn't one to sit back. She was -for lack of a better word- stubborn, and when she wanted something done, she could move mountains.
However, Natsu wasn't budging. If anything, it seemed more like Erza was poking a dragon, and that dragon looked ready to lash out.
It was subtle, Natsu's facial expression changing as he did his best to remain in control, but Levy could see it. Like everyone else, Natsu had a limit, and Erza was pushing it.
"Maybe the reason she's not here has nothing to do with me?" Natsu suggested, though he didn't sound too confident in that theory. "Why automatically blame me?"
"Because you're the only one fighting with her," Erza said, which caused his eye to twitch.
"How about this? I'll make it easier on everyone and just go away," Natsu muttered, eyes narrowing at Erza. "Then you'd have one less problem."
"What?" Erza blinked, a look of confusion taking over her face before she shook her head. "That's not what I— Why would you even suggest that?"
"Isn't that what you want?" Natsu asked, crossing his arms over his chest, taking a defensive stance. He shifted his feet, Levy realizing he was ready to bolt.
To say something and risk making things uncomfortable, or stay quiet and hope things work out for the best. Her face twisted as she struggled with that question once more, not wanting to pick sides, but also knowing they were heading down a path that only spelled trouble.
Natsu's eyes snapped to the laptop, though Levy knew he was just avoiding Erza's gaze. "You'd obviously rather have her here than me."
"That's not fair," Erza said, but her words had Natsu's nostrils flaring for a second.
He looked at her, eyes burning as he said, "No, what's not fair is all my friends taking Lucy's side without even bothering to talk to me."
"I'm not taking sides," Cana said, moving to sit crisscrossed in the seat. "Just think you two need to talk it out."
That had Natsu dragging a hand over his face before resting it over his mouth, as if keeping himself from speaking.
Levy decided she wanted to say something, to suggest giving Lucy some space was a good idea for everyone involved, but before she could utter a word, Gray said, "You should just—"
Natsu dropped his hand so fast it had Levy losing her breath. "Don't!"
Gray, along with the others, jolted at Natsu's outburst. "Wh-what?" Gray asked, looking just as lost as Levy felt.
She knew Gray and Natsu had their little disagreements and fights, but it was all in the name of fun. However, the look Natsu gave Gray in that moment had Levy worried for his safety, Natsu baring his teeth as he seethed.
"I don't wanna hear a fucking word from you." Judging by the tightly clenched, shaking fists now dropped to Natsu's side, he was restraining himself, but Levy couldn't figure out why. For all she knew Natsu only had issues with Lucy. She hadn't heard anything about him and Gray not getting along.
Levy felt her heart speed up as panic set in, scrambling to find the words to fix the situation. She was studying the human mind and emotions, but in the heat of the moment she came up short.
"Natsu," Erza started, though she looked just as stunned as everyone else.
He shook his head, pointing an accusatory finger Gray's way. "If you're looking for someone to tear into, look at him. He's—"
"Natsu don't—"
"—okay with human experimentation!"
That had Levy's sealed lips parting as she turned to Gray, all eyes now on the man as he gaped at them.
"What?" Cana asked, breaking the silence before it could consume them.
"It's not—" Gray started, but Natsu cut him off.
"Hargeon is forcing experiments on prisoners and Gray's for it!"
Levy expected Gray's denial, ready to believe him the second he claimed it wasn't true.
She didn't want to believe any of her friends were okay with something like that. Voluntary human experimentation was one thing, but to force it? She didn't know the details, but her stomach twisted from the gist of it.
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Gray quickly threw out, though it did nothing to comfort Levy's newfound sickness, her throat tightening as she tried comprehending something so heinous.
"It's true?" Cana asked, scooting away from Gray on the couch until she bumped into Levy.
He had the decency to look ashamed, though that didn't stop the growing discomfort. Even Erza was speechless, eyes blown wide while Jellal asked, "Why?"
"It's just research," Gray said, trying to downplay it, but Levy could see even with tired eyes the strain in Gray's jaw, the tightness in his voice.
He knew it was wrong, but that wasn't enough to oppose such an act.
"You've got to be kidding," Jellal said, nose scrunched as he put a hand on Erza's shoulder, as if seeking comfort. "Please say you're joking."
When Gray hesitated, Jellal said, "That's... that's—"
"It's necessary," Gray muttered, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than them. "They were going to die anyways..."
"They're dying?" Erza asked, finding her voice. "Gray? What the hell?"
"I'm sure as fuck not going there now," Cana said, taking a shaky breath as she sank into the couch. "I can't even—"
Her voice was drowned out by Gray, trying but failing to change their minds. "You don't understand! We have to find out what caused the virus, otherwise we'll never find a cure."
"Some things are more important than a cure," Jellal snapped, dark eyes colored with an emotion Levy had rarely seen on the man. He did well to stay in control of his emotions and tones, but the news had Jellal looking horrified. "Where the hell is your humanity?"
Gray's eyes fell to the floor, jaw so tight Levy wondered if his teeth could crack under the pressure. The air grew still as they waited for an answer, but Levy wished he would have kept his mouth shut.
Anything was better than the excuse he gave, and judging by the hesitance in his voice, he knew it would disappoint them.
"I know it's bad that... that people are dying, but sometimes... sacrifices have to be made."
"Then you make it," Erza challenged, eyes narrowed as she clenched her fists.
Her words had everyone jolting, Levy's heart sinking as she saw the look of surprise followed by disbelief cross Gray's face.
She couldn't comprehend Erza saying them, so she couldn't imagine how Gray felt being on the receiving end.
"You... want me to die?" Gray asked, all fight in his voice gone. His shoulders fell as he stared at her, his eyes pleading for her to take it back.
"No, I don't want you to die," she said, though her voice held no soothing tone. "But can you see there's no difference. They don't get the right to choose who lives and dies anymore than we do. No one should force people to do that. That's... that's terrible. It's unforgivable."
"I'm not a criminal though," Gray tried, but it was fruitless.
"Criminals or not, they're people, Gray."
"Oh yeah?" Gray moved to sit on the armrest. "Tell me, what would happen if I was standing next to Insane Ivan? Huh? Are you gonna tell me our lives have the same value?"
"Is Ivan there?" Cana asked, causing Gray to shake his head.
"I don't... I didn't see him." With a sound of frustration, Gray said, "That's not the point. The point is, there's people who don't deserve redemption, but maybe their lives can mean something if they find a cure."
"They're still living, breathing humans," Erza said, frowning at her friend's mindset. "Let them pay their debt to society by serving their sentence, but killing them in the name of science isn't the answer."
"Then how will we know how to cure this," Gray said, causing Jellal to shake his head.
"Maybe it's not up for us to figure it out. Maybe this is nature's way of resetting things? It's not for us to decide, and if they want to experiment on humans, they should give them a choice and not force them into it."
"You're only saying that because you don't know what it's really like out there," Gray said, moving to stand as well before grabbing at the hem of his shirt. Levy wondered if his nerves had him reverting back to his stripping habit, something she thought he had kicked months back.
Before he could pull the shirt up, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, as if consciously fighting his habit. "You two are here on base where it's nice and cozy and you don't have to worry about all the death out there," he accused, but that only had Natsu speaking up.
"I'm out there too, and I still think it's wrong."
Gray's eyes found Natsu's, the two men caught in a glare, as if challenging the other to make a move. Levy held her breath, terrified not because she thought they might fight, but scared their friendship wouldn't recover. Was there even a chance of walking away after everything said? Any chance of repair?
A few seconds felt like minutes, the anticipation having Levy's heart beating so loud, she almost missed what Gray said next.
"I thought we were talking about Natsu's problem."
Gaping, Natsu fired back, "Are you kidding me? My shit's nothing compared to that!"
"He's right," Cana muttered, taking a big gulp of her liquor before hugging the bottle to her chest.
Levy didn't know what she could add, wishing she had the right words. Her mind no longer felt fuzzy, fully sober and ashamed she couldn't stop it. She just wanted to help, but she sat there frozen as she watched it all unfold.
Erza spoke up, trying to redirect the conversation to Gray and human experiments, but her wording was poorly chosen. "What Natsu's doing isn't fair either, but—"
"Are you fucking serious?"
All eyes snapped to Natsu, a growl rumbling in his chest. "Are you actually comparing what I'm doing to this?!"
He didn't give anyone a chance to respond, fire burning in his eyes as they narrowed. "They're fucking murdering people, and I'm just scared Lucy's gonna die! Alright! That's what it comes down to! I'm terrified she's gonna get killed out there, and everyone's acting like that's ridiculous! Like I'm the one who's unreasonable! That's nothing compared to what Hargeon's doing!"
Natsu threw his hand up in exasperation. "You know what is unfair?" He glared at everyone, Levy's stomach knotting up when his eyes landed on her, only to get a second of ease when he moved on to someone else.
"You guys keep saying I should talk to Lucy about it. I should just talk to her and that'll somehow fix all this shit!" He looked at Erza, his tone sharp and full of anger. "Talking isn't the answer! You didn't talk to me about it! You just jumped down my throat and acted like my concerns didn't matter!"
Jellal made a move to get beside Erza, but she held a hand out to stop him. He looked like he wanted to protest, but he refrained from interrupting.
Natsu's eyes didn't linger for long, once again looking at the others. "It's unfair you're all ganging up on me when you know! You've seen the death! You've all lost people! Yet I'm the asshole for saying she shouldn't take those risks!"
Natsu's hand tangled in his hair before tugging as a groan tore from his throat. "Yeah, I know I'm wrong, but I don't know how to fix it. You keep telling me to talk to her, but what good is talking to Lucy when I don't know what to fucking say?! Okay?! Every single time I talk to her I make it worse! I don't know how to fix this! I just don't!"
He sucked in a deep breath, followed by another. His gaze lowered as his chest rose and fell quickly, his eyes going from angry to void of emotions.
"Because—" His voice cracked before he swallowed hard, volume faltering to a whisper as he said, "Even... if I accept her as a runner, she's... she's still gonna be out there and I-I could lose her."
His shoulders shook as his eyes glossed over, but in a second he was growling again, that anger from before burning brightly. "And you guys are acting like that's no big fucking deal! So you know what? Fuck you."
"Excuse me?" Erza said, tone more shocked than anything.
"Seriously, fuck all of you!" Natsu took a step back before turning towards the door. "I'm done!"
Before she could think Levy pushed herself from the couch, but when Natsu yanked the door open to leave, everyone except him stopped.
Natsu straightened for a second, letting out a shaky breath when his eyes fell on Lucy, standing right outside. Levy watched as the room grew uncomfortably silent. They all waited with bated breath before Natsu blurted out, "I'm sorry!"
Before Levy could wonder if he said that because he almost ran into her, his voice cracked, leading her to believe it went much deeper than that.
"I'm... I'm so fucking sorry."
That was all he said before moving, taking off down the hall.
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First, I just wanna say I've been guilty of skipping or skimming stories when the focus is away from Natsu and Lucy, together or separately, so if anyone does that with this story I totally understand. Just wanted to try diving into Levy's head for this chapter.
Is it weird I called this chapter 'Movie Night' when Natsu didn't even watch a movie? I'll be honest, sometimes the titles of chapters come to me so easily, then others I gotta search for something that'll fit. I could just do chapter one, two, etc, but when I search for a certain scene it makes it easier for me to narrow down my search by seeing what chapters were around it. I dunno. I guess the title's not that important, but I do like naming them.
Anyways, on the topic of trying to search through previous chapters, sometimes I forget a detail about backstory and I make a mistake, and it's super helpful if someone mentions a potential plot hole or inconsistency! So if you see something that doesn't make sense, feel free to mention it. I may be foreshadowing something coming up, or I might have actually made a mistake. An example would be I originally had them find Millianna months after the outbreak, but then I also mentioned Kagura and Millianna being together since day one, and someone pointed it out to me so I was able to go back and make adjustments to the story so it flowed better. (I'm mostly pointing this out because I can't remember if I mentioned how long Levy had known Jet and Droy, so I'm hoping it was in college? I can't find anything solid on the subject, but if you know I mentioned it before let me know so I can try better at finding it, or any other inconsistencies that may arise. This story is currently at 500K words long now, so there's gonna be some details I forget or can't find, so if you don't mind helping me out, I would really appreciate it! (Crazy this story hit half a million words. Don't believe this site on the word count.)
This chapter was originally going to continue, but it was getting long and it's been hard finding time to write this month, so I'd rather get this chapter out there now instead of sitting on it for much longer. I don't see myself getting any time to write until after xmas, but this story will get updated as soon as I can get to it! I also have a mini story started called 'Lost and Found' where I posted chapter 1 if you wanna check it out. (Rated T, kinda a holiday fic) Anyways, thank you so much for your patience!
About Levy's situation, twice I had to tell guys I was only interested in friendship. It was difficult both times, but I had to put my foot down and make it clear I didn't want more. I don't talk to either of them now, which is for the better. Hopefully Levy can keep her friendships with Jet and Droy, after the dust settles.
Jet and Droy (especially Jet) might come across as pushy in this story, but I think with the world ended and not a lot of options left, they might think Levy is their only chance at a girlfriend. I think that would make situations like earlier tense, when one tries to 'get her', but thankfully she was firm with them on her wishes. I can't even imagine how they dealt with their feelings off camera in the real Fairy Tail because that's just so awkward, best friends being in love with the same person?
Someone asked me if there was a plot for CHDH. I have a plot laid out, but I can see how some might think this is a slice of life kinda fic, just with zombies and survival stuff overlapping it, lol. There is a goal they're going to eventually try to achieve, after I lay out the groundwork, build up the characters, and bring them closer and... kill some people off. :P
About Natsu's situation and attitude. It is so hard admitting to yourself you have a toxic trait. I have several, and it seems like every few months I reevaluate something that happened in my past and realize I either wasn't in the right, or I could have handled a situation better. Some bad habits/behaviors aren't that easy to just change, but it's not impossible. Natsu knows he's wrong, he just needs help figuring out where to go from here to correct his mindset and behavior. (Lucy has some faults in this too, which will be addressed later when they talk it out, but only after Natsu gets some tools to better himself and they both get some space from each other to think clearly)
Up next, Chapter Sixty-Four: Breaking Point
Thank you so much for your continued support, especially through the recent chapters where things have been very tense between the characters. Humans and emotions are complex and in the apocalypse I think that would just make things harder to process what they're going through.
Shout out to those cool cats who left feedback last time: Densolator, SistershoOk, positive vibes only, Guest, stranger1999, Stellar Spirit Mage, lovelyleveret, Patpat(x15), sthokat, dareaderreads, MissVarta, Gumpy, valerioux, sakshishetty3003, Lady Of The Sphinx, ms. annelily, shootingstarssel, Wapii, Evah33, Xfangirl123X, Guest, ForgiveMyrudenes(x3), enchantressXofsouls, CathJorda(x2), Guest, FlameDragonHime, ottermadness, Sam, aiyannaliszkap, AJ, Guest, FyreFalcon, Guest, Guest, Meow Orbit, Timberwolfe(x2), Guest, Duchixx, NessaDragneel(x2), Jakezillagfw, and SaraphinaK!
It's really neat hearing all the different opinions and perspectives, and I'm glad my story has reached so many people. Y'all are awesome! Please keep it up and tell me what you thought of this chapter! :D I sincerely hope it won't take me long to update. I do have all of the 25th off, so maybe I can get some writing done after resting, haha. Thank you again for reading!
